● WP 3:

Text from my initial A comment or Textual changes I How this change

assignment question I received made to what I impacts my piece
from De Piero or a initially wrote
classmate

“I am looking to begin De Piero: Which is I combined both into Physically, it made

an independent study your purpose two sentences, my first paragraph
on the academic statement? because one much longer than it
pressures high sentence would be to originally was. But in
school students face lengthy: “I want to terms of flow and
on a daily basis. … I further my research whether or not it
am writing to you in by conducting an made my email make
hopes that you will independent study on more sense, I feel
partake in this the academic like it made my
journey with me by pressures high purpose statement
providing guidance to school students face, more clear.
my research and and I hope you will
giving your input partake in this
where needed” journey with me. By
doing so you will be
able to provide me
guidance to my
research and give
your input where
needed.

N/A De Piero: “Warm “I hope that this In my initial email, I

tone?” semester has been was lacking the
well so far. … ​I also warmness I needed.
noticed that you are So adding just a few
an adviser for The sentences gave my
Education Club. How email a more friendly
is the club doing? Is tone.
there any events
being planned? I
would love to hear
about what's going
on, if that is okay!”

“I have found that you De Piero: “Worth “[made a new Separating a portion
are passionate in separating this into paragraph] ​ ​ I have of my email to just
building new paragraph? One found that you are about talking the
student-teacher that is mostly about passionate in building professor made my
relationships … I them?” student-teacher email look more
would love to get relationships, which I organized. I also
some input from the find quite important added a few
members of your as a student myself. I sentences regarded
club”. also noticed that you about the club that
are an adviser for The she runs as a way to
Education Club. How show that I am
is the club doing? Is interested in what
there any events she’s doing.
being planned? I
would love to hear
about what's going
on, if that is okay!
Speaking of, if we
were to work
together, I would love
to get some input
from the members of
your club.”

“My goal from this De Piero: “great N/A I personally felt like I
study is to further sentence! Misplaced? did not need to move
gain knowledge in Could it work this sentence
how to not only somewhere else? because I think it just
improve the livelihood brings the email back
of high school to why I am emailing
students, but every the professor in the
student.” first place: to gain
more insight to
further my research.