Does the Media Create Unrealistic

Expectations of Relationships and

Marriage?
Whether we're consciously aware of it or not, most rom-coms and romances in television
and film have at least some element of delusion. Fantasy isn't a bad thing; some of the most
popular films of all time are set against such a backdrop. But in the case of the majority of
rom-coms, it can create faux concepts of love, relationships and marriage. Given how much
we're immersed in media on a daily basis, these false expectations can have a lasting,
negative effect.

Films are the preferred recreation choice and are enjoyed by both men and women alike.
As life imitates art, this mashup of ’50s nostalgia with 21st century ideas that Bollywood’s
peddling is completely confusing couples. Should they hear Udit Narayan’s voice in their
ears when they make eye contact or is it okay if they just hear the honking of a passing car?
Should they talk in cliched one-liners or make sensible conversation over a cup of coffee?
And Bollywood is in no mood to answer these questions.

In almost every romantic movies I’ve seen they’ve all had the same concept. Boy and girl
meet, they fall in love, there’s the problem they break up and then something happens to
get them back together. This result sets a bar for relationships that may very well be
unattainable for girls and even guys.

For women it sets unrealistic beauty standards such as being fair, virtuous, virgin, slim,
docile, submissive, with an ability to live through torture and be a rehabilitation centre for
abusive men who are battered by their past. For men it sets unrealistic beauty standards
such as being tall ,dark and handsome, muscled, macho, tough, emotionally challenged and
abusive in some cases. These are the standards that pertain to the fixation of gender roles
in the society.

The concept of finding ‘one true love’ is one more reason why Bollywood has ruined us.
There are so many adaptations of Romeo and Juliet in Bollywood, so many love stories of
this kind, that it takes a while for people to come up with names of the movies which have
experimented with different relationship dynamics such as that of father-son, mother-
daughter, father-daughter, mother-son, middle-aged parents, friends, grandparent-
grandchild, etc. If we look at the genres, though romance films are pegged as ‘chick flicks’ in
the west, India doesn’t have this clear demarcation as most Indian films have romance
woven into them. Most of them have a tinge of romance in them such as romantic-comedy,
romantic-thriller, romantic-horror, etc. and in these places too, women don’t have much
role rather than that of a sidekick who ironically is at the back with no scenes other than
dancing in the rain, waving her saree in the cold, trying to change her abusive lover, etc.
As people consume the media’s view of love, it’s becoming more common for relationships
and marriages to be primarily based on a desire for happiness. When these feelings fade,
people think love is gone.

This mediated view of romance is now being referred to as “emotional pornography”,

insinuating that just as pornography sets unrealistic expectations for sex and physicality, the
media’s fanciful stories of love, condition consumers to expect Hollywood-style kisses in the
rain and constant epic moments of dramatic love. How can real life compete?

Myths are aplenty and cardboard characters rule the roost in cinema. A girl, who for years
has been utterly unable to commit as a result of some deep-seated emotional trauma, can
suddenly become fully capable of having a long-term, meaningful relationship, and the boy
who's had his heart stomped on can completely forget about what just happened and start
anew with the girl. The fact that there's no psychological truth to either of their behaviours
is immaterial to the filmmakers.

It is a cause for worry that many are of the opinion that if one’s partner truly loves the
other, he/she would know what’s running in their mind. This belief leads to the biggest
cause for relationships to fall apart - the lack of communication and unrealistic expectation
of having a partner who can read one's mind.

People also seem to believe in pre -requisites such as instant chemistry being vital for a
relationship, opposites attract or that outlandish gestures are necessary to exhibit true love.
In reality, chemistry may build over time and people who are complete opposites may not
endure a long-term relationship.

In real life, we have to live with relationships going unresolved. Endings are messy, people
are obstinate and there are misunderstandings abound. People don't change unless they
really want to.

Movies may serve as a tool to form ideas and concepts about love. Romantic comedies
depict and “ideal love,” which is not easily found in real life. Mass media creates higher
expectations for young people, and this will lead to disappointment once they enter the
complex world of romance.

The unfair representation of one gender under other, the objectification of women,
discrimination, and misrepresentation of the LGBTQIA+ community are common in a
number of Bollywood films. Gender inequality that exists in Bollywood industry and films
impact the viewers, promoting inequality and discrimination within society.
Besides setting unrealistic relationship standards, cinema is also criticised for glorifying
violence and passing off deplorable behaviour in the guise of romantic overtures. What for
some might seem as stalking, as per Indian movie standards is “normal behaviour”, as many
movies cultivate the idea that a woman will eventually fall in love with a man if he pursues
her hard enough. Such behaviour does inevitably affect an audience’s assumptions about
how to conduct themselves in similar situations.

Rom-coms and other forms of mainstream entertainment can perpetuate harmful gender
dynamics and even rape culture. They added that a willingness to consider the threatening
behavior in fiction as romantic may cause one to take real-life instances of male aggression
less seriously.

Indian T.V. serials can be even worse. In a country such as India, the daily soap cult plays a
greater role in the way society is formulated. Everything from the designer
churidars the main lead is wearing to the way her sindoor is placed on her forehead sets a
trend. In this way, society not only makes a show a part of their lives, but also makes it a life
style. This can also result in a negative influence by media or television in society.

Indian T.V. serials have promoted misogyny in almost all of the shows. when female
characters are consistently stereotyped as ‘timid, obedient = good’ and ‘assertive,
questioning = bad’, it does add to the innate sexism and patriarchal notions already
embedded in the mindset of the masses. What’s worrying is children and teenagers (both
boys and girls) could be forming opinions on women and their role in society based on such
programmes.

The definition of an ideal woman has remained the same in their scripts – one who knows
how to wear a saree properly; one who sacrifices her dreams to become the perfect
housewife and takes care of every damn thing in the house to be on good terms with her
mother-in-law; if she is infertile, she is often divorced and if she fails to prove herself, the
entire neighbourhood crowd at her house to watch her getting humiliated.

A woman who smokes, drinks and parties is shown as a vamp. Sometimes the girl is
forcefully married off to a stranger just because love marriages are against ‘Indian culture’.
And no matter how much ‘sanskaar’ these families apparently have, they do not hesitate
for a moment before they ask the man to divorce his wife and get married to another
woman who satisfies the criteria of an ‘Adarsh Bahu’, or the ideal daughter-in-law. In
summary women are either absolutely pure wives or girlfriends, or self-sacrificing mothers
and sisters, or they are immoral prostitutes, cabaret dancers, strippers and vamps. These
are the only two categories for women in serials.

These TV shows enjoy huge TRPs and carry on for God-knows how many years. And yet, the
definition of woman as mere property, or her role of effectively being the maid in a
household hasn’t changed. Bollywood movies often show handsome heroes whistling and
singing as a woman passes by. They actually glorify eve-teasing as a romantic act to entice a
woman, which in reality happens to be a criminal offense.

Media plays a role in influencing audience and therefore in order to establish powerful
image of women, proper representation of women characters is needed. Some of the
important aspects which need to be portrayed in the media are equal opportunities, rights
for women, exposure of women to media, etc. Women are generally considered as weak in
the Indian society and looked down upon as objects. As a result, she always ends up
keeping upto the expectation of society. Therefore, media representation of these facts
become a very important aspect.

Though as adults youngsters should be able to tell the diffrence between overromanticised
love and healthy realistic realtionships, these tantalizing and persuasive images of cinema
do affect their behaviour and hopes for romance.

That media especially films are conceived as a culture industry, which manufacture and sell
images of masculinity and femininity. But the image of women portrayed by the media
through TV serials, pop shows and films, is not to be found in real life. The projection of
women in the popular Bollywood has repeatedly damaged their very image.At least for a
change, we should hope that some movies will be made to show women as capable of
thinking independently, choosing their own careers.

Perhaps now that the negative aspects are known, we filmmakers will accept the challenge
to meld the humor of real life situations and how couples truly deal with those situations -
evolving the romantic comedy genre yet again

While we do have movies which can be actually called art like Dear Zindagi, Shahid, Raazi,
Newton, etc. we still have a long way to escape abandon masala movies like Race 3, Main
Tera Hero, Happy New Year, etc. Filmmakers are not obligated to take the moral high
ground or inculcate social messages through the films they make. However they could
perhaps invest in showcasing realistic portrayals of love, or explore its different facets and
ramifications.