The users of social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face-to-face Commented [BB1]: Grammar error (use

Commented [BB1]: Grammar error (use of article): Surely

social media is not the one and only technological innovation of the
contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the modern world (the Internet precedents social media in terms of
disadvantages? such a category for example). Therefore it is best to use “a” here
with an adjective to reinforce the importance of social media: as a
significant/one of the breakthrough technological innovation(s).
Social media has long been regarded as the technological innovation in the Commented [BB2]: Vocabulary error (spelling): modern.
mordern world. Today, people tend to spend most of their time on social Commented [BB3]: Grammar error (verb use): It is a matter of
media and the way they interact with the whole community may be altered. fact that societal interaction has changed in certain ways hence it is
best to embrace an affirmative tone for the proposition: the way
The following essay will discuss the pros and cons of this phenomenon in they... has been altered in certain respects/aspects/to a
depth. considerable extent.
Commented [BB4]: Grammar error (lack verb): “free” is an
To begin with, depending too much on mass media may not totally free from adjective here hence a to be verb is required: may not be totally
free.
drawbacks. The primary problem is that lacking some essential skills such as
Commented [BB5]: Grammar error (lack verb): following
communication and problem solving may result from this tendency. To be “when” for an implicit clause, a gerund is advised: when being
addicted to...
more precise, when addicted to social media, people may lose their interaction
with the genuine world. As the certain result, people may have difficulties in Commented [BB6]: Vocabulary error (word choice): “genuine”
is conventionally used for emotions like honesty rather than
expressing their mind and emotion. On the other hand, this trend may also substantial reality. Therefore, it will be better to use “real world”
here instead.
lead to the meaningless life in the long run. In other world, hardly can people
Commented [BB7]: Grammar error (use of article): The result
realize the true meaning of their life without life experiences that a virtual has not been known up until this very point of writing hence “the”
world cannot bring to them. Hence, although social media is the great should be replaced with “a”.

innovation with many convenience but it cannot replace the role of face-to- Commented [BB8]: Grammar error (use of article): There is no
single fixed definition of “meaningless life”. It is contingent on
face conversation. people. Hence it is advisable to use “a meaningless life” for a
generalised subject.
It is, however, evident that the mass media also brings enormouse benefits for Commented [BB9]: C&C (inaccurate form): The standard form
us if used properly. Firstly, media plays the vital role in helping people keep up of such a cohesive device is “in other words”.

with the wheel of life. In fact, thanks to technological innovations such as Commented [BB10]: Grammar error (use of article): Surely
social media is not the one and only technological innovation of the
social media, people may not get into trouble with the unceasing change in the modern world (the Internet precedents social media in terms of
fast changing world. Besides, social media has the ability to bridge the gap such a category for example). Therefore it is best to use “a” here: a
great innovation.
between people. To be more specific, with these innovations, people can
Commented [BB11]: Vocabulary error (word form): A plural
communicate with each other in easier ways regardless of distance so that noun should be used following “many”: conveniences.
they can mantain long distance relationship. Therefore, if using social media Commented [BB12]: Grammar error (double negativity): This
sentence is double negative since “although” itself has already
with adequate awareness, people can receive many advantages from them. implied oppositional clauses. Therefore, “but” should be removed
from the clause.
To sum up, all things contain within them both merits as well as drawbacks Commented [BB13]: Vocabulary error (spelling): enormous.
and social media is not the exception but it seems that the disadvantages may Commented [BB14]: Task response (ambiguity): “media” can
far outweigh its advantages. No matter what innovations appear, they cannot cover a mass scope of communicational means. In this essay, you ...

change the traditional method people use to communicate to each other. Commented [BB15]: Grammar error (use of article): It is one
important role, but not its only role hence “an” is advised instead ...
of
Commented [BB16]: Vocabulary use (repetition): You might
consider using other phrases such as “means of ...
Criteria Grade Comment Note Commented [BB17]: Vocabulary error (spelling): maintain.
ɵ addresses all basic parts of the Commented [BB18]: Vocabulary error (word form): A plural
Task 7 ɵ Essay length: 342/250 words –
task noun is advised to remain the general nature of the subject: ...
Achievement ɵ succeeds to satisfy the minimum
an excessive length to keep
hence it is advisable to condense Commented [BB19]: Grammar error (use of article): as
required length of the essay by your essay and practice in terms previously explained, it is not the one and only exception that can ...
the question of timing is still encouraged. Commented [BB20]: Vocabulary error (word use): The
standard structure for “communicate” is “to communicate with ...
 ɵ presents a personal position in ɵ See comment boxes of “Task
the introduction and sustain it Response” for further references.
well throughout the response
ɵ
ɵ a thread of argument is
developed with valid points.
However, your propositions can
be extended and elaborated
further with empirical examples
(statistics/data/researches) to
convince readers.
ɵ The main topic of “Social media”
can sometimes be fused into a
bigger subject of “media” in
general – which needs to be
avoided.
ɵ logically organises information
Coherence and 8 ɵ You may consider using more
and ideas; there is clear advanced academic cohesive
Cohesion progression throughout devices such as
ɵ uses a standard number of “However/Nevertheless/Therefor
cohesive devices appropriately e/Hence/…” or “For example/For
ɵ presents a clear central topic instance/…” to allow flexibility
within each paragraph ɵ Pay more attention to
ɵ the use of cohesive devices is referencing that is in line with the
relatively accurate when applied subjects.
ɵ the use of cohesive devices
between clauses as well as
paragraphs is sufficient enough
to help muster ideas and
present a convincing argument.
ɵ uses a sufficient range of
Lexical Resource 7 ɵ Try to use collocations of nouns
vocabulary to articulate on the /verbs by looking the nouns up in
question given. dictionary and choose an
ɵ uses less common lexical items appropriate adjective/adverb
with accuracy and flexibility that often goes with the
ɵ may produce a few errors in noun/verb – Ozdic dictionary is
word choice, and in word an ideal reference resource at
formation which impede https://www.ozdic.com/
communication to a certain ɵ Pay attention in terms of
extent hence these errors need vocabulary use to avoid
to be addressed through more repetition by using synonyms (as
careful checks. suggested in the comment box).
ɵ More advanced academic
collocations and synonyms are
advised to boost your answer
ɵ uses a sufficient mix of simple
Grammatical 7 ɵ Attempt more complex
sentences and complex forms
Range and ɵ some complex sentences are
structures more accurately
Accuracy attempted but some are applied
 in an inaccurate form
ɵ makes frequent basic errors in
grammar, particularly in verb
form and clause formation.
ɵ The issue of articles can emerge
as a typical issue throughout the
response that needs addressing.
Overall 7.0 ɵ Presents a standard overall
structure of paragraphing with
an excessive length of the essay.
ɵ convincing points are articulated
and illustrated well but not most
concisely with balanced
justifications for propositions
and examples
ɵ Makes a number of errors in
both grammar and vocabulary
which are to be addressed via
practice.

 Suggested Paragraph Structure:

1. Introduction:
ɵ Paraphrase the question
ɵ Thesis sentence (I agree/disagree)
ɵ Outline sentence (This essay will discuss…)
2. Body: Use PEEC
 Paragraph 1: PEEC
ɵ Sentence 1: Point (Topic sentence)
ɵ Sentence 2: Explain
ɵ Sentence 3: Extend/Example
ɵ Sentence 4: Conclusion
 Paragraph 2: PEEC
3. Conclusion:
ɵ Summary
ɵ Opinion

 Model Answer:

It is true that new technologies have had an influence on communication between people. Technology
has affected relationships in various ways, and in my opinion there are both positive and negative
effects.

Technology has had an impact on relationships in business, education and social life. Firstly,
telephones and the Internet allow business people in different countries to interact without ever
meeting each other. Secondly, services like Skype create new possibilities for relationships between
students and teachers. For example, a student can now take video lessons with a teacher in a
different city or country. Finally, many people use social networks, like Facebook, to make new friends
and find people who share common interests, and they interact through their computers rather than
face to face.

On the one hand, these developments can be extremely positive. Cooperation between people in
different countries was much more difficult when communication was limited to written letters or
telegrams. Nowadays, interactions by email, phone or video are almost as good as face-to-face
meetings, and many of us benefit from these interactions, either in work or social contexts. On the
other hand, the availability of new communication technologies can also have the result of isolating
people and discouraging real interaction. For example, many young people choose to make friends
online rather than mixing with their peers in the real world, and these ‘virtual’ relationships are a
poor substitute for real friendships.

In conclusion, technology has certainly revolutionised communication between people, but not all of
the outcomes of this revolution have been positive.
 Source: http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/02/ielts-writing-task-2-
technology-essay.html
 Although the sample answer does not answer directly to a narrower subject as pointed in the
given question, it has a good model argument frame for this topic with excellent relevant
vocabulary worth referring to 