Recruit Me

a parent’s guide for your child's best shot at college athletics.

What every parent needs to know.

By Dr. Emeka Umerah

&
William Brown
Forward

Acknowledgments


1. Introduction
A Book of Knowledge

2. My journey to America
Humble beginnings can breed the greatest success -

3. My passion for my family

Your relationship with your child and instilling work ethic -

4. Dad, I want to play football

What you should know before you begin this process -

5. When I realized my son had a gift

Understanding Your Child’s talent and their opportunity -

6. It’s a Team Sport

Why having a support system is so important

7. Beginning the Process of Pursuing my Son’s Dream

It’s Time to Get to Work

8. A New Normal in Our Life

The Recruiting Timeline

9. Taking Tobe on a Dog and Pony Show

School Visits, Prospect Camps, and Why They Are so Critical to the Recruiting
Process

10. Our Roadmap for Success

How to Create a Comprehensive Checklist

11. This is About So much More than Sports, Dad

Having a marketing plan and using technology to execute it

12. Dad, I Got a Phone Call

Understanding When You’re Being Recruited
13. Our Family In The Red Zone
What To Do when the recruiting process heats up

14. My boy with the big boys

Combines and football camps

15. Tobe won’t stop here

Chasing the (NFL) Dream
Recruit Me:
A Parent’s Guide To Navigating Your Child’s Opportunities
INTRODUCTION

A Book Of Knowledge

“Knowledge is power. Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress, in

every society, in every family.”
- Kofi Annan

This is a book of knowledge, a sharing of experiences. If you’ve heard the saying “It
takes a village,” much of that rings true in parenting because the road is easier to travel
when you have the advice and guidance of those who’ve been there. As a parent, you
often don’t know what you don’t know. It’s the classic conundrum. You would ask for
help or avoid unnecessary services if you simply knew you needed to. Unfortunately,
especially when it comes to competitive sports or your child pursuing their God given
talents, it’s a road you’ve never traveled.

Walking the journey of my son’s entrance into and progression through high school
sports and into the college recruiting process was a daunting one. I am not someone
who is unfamiliar with the unknown. As an immigrant who faced many career and
personal challenges to build my home and career in the United States, I am
accustomed to journeys down unmarked paths. Although I have no regrets for my
journey with my son through the process of college football recruiting, I have a desire to
lessen the challenge for those parents coming behind me. Consider this book a How-
To, a manual of sorts. It is my hope, that by hearing and learning from my experience,
you will be confident and empowered to make the right, necessary decisions that will
allow your child to experience the best that life has to offer them while relentlessly
pursuing their passion and talents whether in sports, the arts, academics or other areas.

I’ve always wanted to tell my story. As a Doctor by trade, I’m a helper. I help people get
better, or stay well. When I realized that telling my story as it relates to my experience
navigating the college football recruiting process with my son would be helpful to other
parents, I knew this was the time. As parents, we want the best for our children and will
often move mountains to make it happen. Often, our children are blessed with talents
that we have no prior experience in and we are forced to navigate a competitive world in
which we have no knowledge, network or confidence. And our children’s future, the
most important people in our lives, depends upon how well we balance the process until
they are ready to stand alone.
I came to the United States from Nigeria seeking a better life and a college education. I
found all of that, and more. Near the end of my medical education, I was introduced to
my wife, also a Nigerian immigrant and Doctor. Our experience building our lives in
America and raising our children to discover their passions has been an exciting,
challenging, and fulfilling journey. When we first met and married, the challenges of
making our way in a new country and succeeding in medical school only strengthened
our bond. After completing my coursework at the University of North Carolina Chapel
Hill, I then went to Drexel University for my rounds and after completion became a
practicing OB-GYN physician.

Anything is possible.

After practicing as an OB-GYN, I had the desire to continue my education and expand
my knowledge, so I enrolled at Carnegie Mellon for a dual degree, a Master’s in
Business Administration and Masters in Healthcare Public Policy. The course load was
so demanding for dual Masters degrees that I had no choice but to take time off from
my medical career. As things have always happened in my life, there was a bigger plan
for me and a student project during my time at Carnegie Mellon became a very
successful company. When that company naturally grew and then closed due to
external factors, I had the good fortune to return to medical practice.

At this point in my life, my relationship with and available time for my family was
paramount. I no longer wanted to live in a massive city, dealing with both the workload
and the pace of life that comes with such an environment. A search of my network
produced a lead in a small town in Georgia just south of Atlanta. Macon, Georgia, would
become the place where I re-established my family and my medical career, and went on
to build my current practice, which cares for over 7,000 patients. The small town life is a
gift. I have the time to do the work I love and pay attention to my kids. I’m not sitting in
traffic for 3+ hours each day trying to get back and forth to my office.

My family has thrived in Macon. When my son, Tobe, was in the 8th grade, a teacher at
his school called me. “Your son has a gift.” This couldn’t have been a bigger surprise to
me. You see, Tobe was the classic nerdy black kid. If you were to line up his
schoolmates along a wall, he’d have been the last one anyone, much less a coach,
would have chosen for a sports team. But one day during a session in the school gym,
Tobe jumped up and grabbed the basketball rim and his teacher noticed. The seed was
planted.

Fast forward to his ninth grade year, and Tobe came to my wife and I with some news.
“I want to try out for the football team.” Imagine our surprise. We carefully explored the
notion with him, as it was a brand new sport in our home and we were unsure Tobe was
fully aware of what he was asking to do. Thankfully, he persisted. As Tobe was allowed
to play and develop this God given talent that we were unaware of, he blossomed. I
noticed something when I watched him play. Tobe was a different human being when
he put on that helmet. We had found his gift.

Thus began the exciting and whirlwind life of the parents of a gifted athlete. As we
began the process of exploring Tobe’s opportunities for higher education and the
possibility that his talent in football presented him, we met William Brown. William was
our consultant, and now my dear friend, who worked for a company that partners with
parents seeking assistance in the college sports recruiting process. It was out of that
experience, the resulting friendship, and our experience that the idea for this book was
born. Tobe was an unknown, yet gifted athlete, in an unknown private school in a tiny
town in Georgia. He wasn’t going to land on the travel schedule of the major coaches.
Yet, he went from a nobody in May 2016 to receiving multiple Division 1 offers and
accepted an offer from Stanford starting in Fall 2018. We went from being completely
uninformed about the recruiting process to mastering it for our son’s benefit.

Make no mistake, Tobe is not a child who had this opportunity served to him on a silver
platter. It was through a combination of hard work, exemplary character, and respect for
the process that he was able to earn multiple scholarship offers to many highly regarded
schools. As you learn more about Tobe, you’ll understand why his future is possible for
anyone. He wasn’t the kid you would have assumed would end up as a sough after
college football prospect. Instead, Tobe was the kid who cared, who found his passion
and worked hard every single day to make his dream come true. His family also worked
hard and supported him, too. If you ask me, the work ethic, the commitment, and the
family support are as critical to making your child’s dreams come true as the actual
talent itself.

We aren’t here to put any consulting or recruiting companies out of business. That has
never been our goal. Our goal, in telling the story of my family’s experience, is to
provide a level of knowledge and guidance to other parents walking a similar path.
Many of you will read this book and determine that you still want to hire a company and
a consultant like William. Many of you will read this book and walk away armed with the
knowledge to successfully navigate the college recruitment process yourself. My hope is
that every reader, every parent who reads this story, will walk away informed. My hope
is you’ll learn from my story so that it benefits yours. Learn how critical it is to have a
positive relationship with your child. Learn how critical communication, goal setting and
your true desire for the end result are known from the start. I often hear coaches and
leaders advise to “begin with the end in mind.” This book is a how-to manual to identify
what your ideal end result looks like and create a plan to get there.

Parenting is a gift. It can be the most joyful, enduring, difficult and rewarding journey of
your life. As you guide your child to identify and pursue his or her talent and passion, to
build his future, may this book guide you in your pursuit, armed with the knowledge of
someone who has walked the road you are embarking upon.
CHAPTER TWO
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My Journey To America
Humble Beginnings can Breed the Greatest Success

If you did not know me, you would never guess the life I have lived. To say that I came
from humble beginnings would be an understatement. I was born in Kano, in the
Northern part of Nigeria in 1965. We were part of the Ibo tribe, a Christian group, from
the Eastern part of Nigeria. When I was two years old, civil war broke out in Nigeria. My
tribe no longer wanted to be a part of Nigeria. My parents were forced to leave the North
to save all of our lives and return to the East, where the Ibo were settled. At the time, I
was one of nine children and several cousins moved with us. In total, there were
thirteen of us living in a 200 square foot dwelling in rural East Nigeria. We had no
electricity and no running water. We would go to the stream to fetch water. As you
collected water, you would let it sit so the dust would settle in the bottom and then you
drink the cleaner water at the top of your bucket. It may be hard to fathom that this was
my childhood if you know anything about the childhood my children have had. When
you learn my story, you’ll learn that despite any hardships that my family and I
encountered, we have succeeded with hard work, education, and the grace of God.

The civil war in Nigeria lasted until 1970, when I was five years old. In 1971 we moved
back to Enugu, a city in the East. We upgraded from our 200 square foot home to a two-
bedroom apartment. While the space and amenities were an upgrade, we were still
located in what is best described as the ghetto section of the city. My father was doing
well financially before the war, but lost everything by the time the war was over. After
the war, he took the best jobs he could find, which was often working as a security
guard or some other entry level type position.

When we moved to the city I was able to start primary school and very soon skipped a
grade thanks to my academic ability. The school system in Nigeria was a British system
because Nigeria still had British influence from its time as a Colony. I thrived in school,
and went to high school in Kano, the city in Northern Nigeria where I was born. I was
fortunate to get in the Federal Government College System (FGC) on a full scholarship
thanks to my success on the common entrance exam, much like America’s SSAT.
While I was in school, many of my brothers and sisters were migrating to the United
States to pursue a better life. By the time I finished high school in 1981, I was the last of
six brothers at home with my parents. My oldest brother had been drafted in the war
and died in service.
Pursuing A Better Life

When I graduated from high school in 1981, I still lived with my parents in that same
two-bedroom apartment in the ghetto. I took a job working at a bank in Nigeria. I lived
with my parents and supported them until 1986, when I finally decided to take my
chance at living in America. All of the money I earned and saved went to my parents. I
bought my plane ticket to America and only took $100 with me on my trip to the United
States. My flight was on KLM airlines, and we connected in Amsterdam before
continuing on to Atlanta, Georgia, where my sister lived at the time.

My layover in Amsterdam was my first taste of what life could be like. Not only was it the
first time I had ever flown, now I was being given the royal treatment. Due to flight
schedules, I was put up in a five star hotel overnight by the airline and found myself in
the hotel bar that night, after being driven there by a car service. It was the first time I
had really interacted with white people. I realized very quickly that this was a good life,
and this was the lifestyle I wanted to pursue in America. I had never experienced
anything so lavish in my life, and I was determined to recreate this for myself. That
night, in that bar in Amsterdam, I knew I had to go and make something of my life. I
decided this the same night that I blew half of my literal life savings, $50, in that bar. I
left before I blew it all, but it was a good lesson to learn my first night out of Nigeria.

When I finally arrived in America, my immediate experience was nothing like that night
straight out of a movie in the hotel bar. My sister picked me up at the airport in Atlanta,
and I stayed with her for a few weeks. I eventually made my way to Fayetteville, North
Carolina, to live with my brother. We did not know each other very well and it was not an
easy time living with him, but I was glad to have someone I knew as I navigated this
brand new home and culture.

A Fish Out Of Water

My brother helped me find a job, and because of my experience working at a bank in

Nigeria, I pursued cashier positions. I eventually landed a position with a restaurant
called Kentucky Fried Chicken, or more notably, KFC. Now, remember, I was a young
man who just moved to America from Nigeria. I really had no concept of what KFC was,
or what type of job this would be. My first day of work, my brother drove me to the
restaurant. I was dressed in a full suit, as any proper cashier would be when reporting to
work. My wise brother of course said nothing, but waited in the car as I got out and went
in to begin my first shift. When I approached the counter, the worker there was so
confused and thought I was a customer. The Manager came out to greet me, looked me
up and down, and told me very quickly I was NOT dressed for a job at KFC. She
instructed me to return home, dress more appropriately, and come back when I was
prepared to work a shift in an American fast food restaurant. God bless my brother for
waiting outside in the car, because there he was when I walked back outside, ashamed
and embarrassed, yet still committed to work and pursue my future in America.

I ended up working as a cook and mopping floors at the local KFC. It was certainly not
what I had envisioned for my life in America, but I was determined to make it work.
Living with my brother was not ideal, so I moved out. I moved into a trailer park and was
living alone, working at KFC, trying to find a way to stay in the United States and honor
my student visa. According to the terms of my student visa, I had to be attending school
in order to stay in the country. Because I was considered an Out of State student, and
my position at KFC barely allowed me to cover my living expenses, I was only able to
take one credit hour at a time. My first semester as a student at Fayetteville State
University I enrolled in, you guessed it, Freshman Orientation.

My job at KFC was not enough to support myself and allow me to send money to help
my parents, so I got another job at Burlington Industries, a local fabric manufacturer, as
a dye machine loader. I met a girl and got married in September 1986 and was
subsequently awarded my Green Card. This meant I could stay in the United States and
it also meant I was now classified as an In State student at my school. Finally, I would
be able to take more classes and even attend summer school to pursue my education.

When I first came to the United States, I wanted to be an Accountant. My job

experience working for the bank in Nigeria seemed to fit my skill set and interests, so
this was the profession I initially pursued. However, when I had to take Chemistry 101
as part of my general education requirements, I fell in love with the course. I switched
my major to Chemistry and was thinking perhaps I would pursue a Master’s degree in
Industrial Chemistry. You see, even in Nigeria, there is a strong culture of success and
a social class system that is still active today. If you were not successful, no one would
respect you. My Mother’s side of the family was very well educated and many of my
uncles and cousins were successful medical doctors. When my Father lost everything in
the war, we were not treated well by the other members of our family who were more
wealthy and successful. It was these attitudes I experienced that caused me to stay
away from any interest in a career in medicine.
A Seed Was Planted

However, as it typically happens for many children and students, a teacher saw my gift.

My Organic Chemistry Professor noticed me. I was acing every test in her class, and
she noticed my work ethic. I was still working multiple jobs to support myself and my
parents, and I did not have perfect attendance. Sometimes, I was simply too tired from a
double shift the day and night before to attend class. However, when there was a test, I
showed up and demonstrated my knowledge and understanding of the course work.
That Organic Chemistry Professor planted a seed in me. She told me I would make a
good doctor because I had a medical mind and the work ethic to make it in the medical
field. At the time I received this encouragement I was a Junior in college, so I decided to
pursue the path toward a medical degree.

I took Introductory Biology and the other required courses to apply for medical school. I
studied and took the Medical College Admission Test® (MCAT) and did really well on it.
I ended up graduating from Fayetteville State University in May 1990 Summa Cum
Laude as an Honor Graduate in Chemistry. The Summer before my Senior year at
Fayetteville State, I participated in the Medical Education Development program, which
allowed me to receive multiple scholarship offers to medical school. I was thrilled to
receive offers from schools as prestigious as Harvard University, but ultimately I chose
the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill and was awarded a full scholarship to the
medical school as a Board of Governors Medical Scholar.

As things started to come together for me, and each time I have experienced any
success in life, I credit it to God’s grace and provision for me. I also firmly believed it
was blessings being returned to me for the care and support I had provided to my
parents. You may call it karma or something else, but I wholeheartedly believe we get
out of this life what we put into it. This is true for your children as well.

An Instant Attraction

Things really started to take off for me at this point. I started medical school in August
1990 and became an American Citizen in 1991. I graduated from medical school in
1994, and went to Philadelphia, to Drexel University, for my residency in Obstetrics and
Gynecology, which I completed in 1999. Amidst all of my academic success, I also
began to experience personal success. My first marriage ended without much fanfare
during my time as a student at Fayetteville State University. When I met my wife,
Anayo, to whom I have now been married to for 17 years, the attraction was instant, at
least for me.
My future wife’s brother was one of my attending physicians in the residency program I
was in. Her Father had been flown to the United States for medical care and she flew in
to accompany him. She had just finished medical school in Nigeria, and her brother
strongly suggested I take her to our residency program’s end of year Christmas party. I
had other plans for actual fun that night, but wanted to satisfy his request, so I obliged.
My plan was to take “this girl” to the party, then take her home, then head out for my
night of fun. What I did not expect was what I felt when I opened the door to the home
where I picked her up and saw her for the first time. I was immediately awestruck. Our
chemistry and attraction was so instant no one could deny it. I picked her up for the
Christmas party at 5pm, and dropped her off the next morning at 6:30am. I went home,
cleaned up, and returned to pick her up again two hours later. I could not get enough of
her. However, like any good love story, there was a problem. She was engaged to
another man.

Anayo’s attachment to someone in Nigeria did not deter me. One week after we met, I
proposed. She said “No,” but I can tell you it was a very weak no. It was almost as if she
knew we had something special but she just wanted me to work a little bit harder at
courting her. We went out about a week later to a night club on Broad Street in
Philadelphia. It was Zanzibar Blues, a jazz nightclub which was very exclusive and
expensive. It was the perfect setting for my next proposal. As one of the most popular
jazz musicians from South Africa was playing, I decided it was time. I had a few drinks
and my liquid courage was strong. I went on the stage, grabbed the microphone, and
proposed to her in front of everyone in the club. She finally said yes, and agreed to
marry me less than two weeks after we met. She then went home to Nigeria to break off
her engagement and return to the United States.

As a foreign medical graduate, my wife had to take additional test to get into a residency
program, and so we began the process of finding a place where I could practice and
she could complete her residency. Tobe, our first child, was born in November 1999 in
Philadelphia. After Tobe was born, money was getting better and I was working at
Pittsburgh Medical Center.
Our two girls were also born in Pittsburgh and things were going well. I had the life I had
envisioned when I left Nigeria on that airplane not so long ago. However, I wasn’t
enjoying practicing medicine.

Always learning, always evolving

At this point you could say I love to learn. I decided to return to school, this time to
Carnegie Mellon to pursue a dual Masters of Business Administration and Masters in
Healthcare Policy Management. I continued to work part-time to keep money flowing
and support my family while my wife completed her residency. During my time at
Carnegie Mellon, one of the projects I was assigned was to form a company. The
company that was formed, JEC Technologies, became more than a school project. It
became a fully functioning corporation that blossomed very quickly. We were certified
as a Minority Owned business and able to pursue government contracts thanks to our
classification. Approximately 30 miles west of Pittsburgh was the PA 12 Congressional
District, which at the time was home to Representative John Murtha who was the
Chairman of the Defense Appropriations Committee. Rep. Murtha’s position meant all
the major defense contractors were located close to us and we were able to capitalize
on this good fortune. It was at this time, at the helm of JEC Technologies, that I first
started to feel like I had achieved the success, and the life, I had come to America to
create. Of course, my life was consumed by work, but it was paying off for me and my
family. My work ethic that was noticed by my Organic Chemistry professor in Undergrad
was still proving to be an asset, even though I had left the medical field.

You’ve heard the quotes about change in life. I think to put it simply; my perspective is
that life is always changing. Things were great at JEC Technologies, but in 2008, two
things happened that caused a major shift in my career path. Those two things were the
economic downturn and the death of Rep. Murtha. The combination of the recession
and Mr. Murtha’s death meant all the contracts that had allowed JEC Technologies to
grow so quickly were now gone. We dissolved the company and I had to make a
decision about the next step in my career journey. Despite my unhappiness at the time
in the medical field, my wife wisely advised me to never let my licenses and
certifications lapse. She knew the time invested in becoming a doctor was worth the
time it took to maintain my eligibility to practice medicine, regardless of my current
career aspiration.

Despite not having practiced medicine for almost three years, it was relatively easy to
get back into the field, since I had taken my wife’s advice. I was fortunate to have the
trust and mentorship of a wonderful group of Doctors in Lebanon, Pennsylvania who
helped me get back up to speed on current practices and technology, and helped me
get my skills back. Despite my gratitude for being allowed to re-enter the medical field
and work in a respected practice, we ultimately were not happy in Lebanon. It was a
small town and unfortunately just did not feel completely like home to our family.

The Next Chapter For Our Family

I began a mental review of my network of contacts over the years of medical practice
and education. I’ve always felt your personal and professional network are two of the
most valuable tools you’ll carry with you through your life. As I have progressed both
personally and professionally, I have been conscious to maintain the valuable
connections I have made throughout the years. It was one of those connections, a
former professor and attendant while I was in my residency, who knew the Chairman of
Mercer University OB/GYN in Macon.

When we initially decided to leave Pennsylvania, we knew we were tired of the snow
and harsh winters, and desired to move South. Atlanta seemed like a logical possibility
but it proved difficult for us both to find work there. When I was introduced to the
Chairman at Mercer, it seemed like a logical move. Macon, Georgia, where Mercer
University is located, is only a little over an hour’s drive from Atlanta and its airport. It
was a natural fit. We would be close enough to a big city, yet in a smaller town that kept
us from spending our work day commuting and away from our family. When we decided
to move, we wanted that balance of amenities found in moderate size cities, but the
more relaxed pace of life that allows us time as a family. My wife was extremely
fortunate that she was working for a national company that allowed her to transfer. We
were thrilled to move our family to Macon, which felt like a suburb of Atlanta to us.

I started my own OB-GYN practice in Macon in December 2010. Once again blessed
beyond measure, the practice grew by leaps and bounds. We started renting a space in
a medical office building and only 2.5 years later we had grown enough to build our own
23,000 square foot facility. Again, I count this all God’s grace and a testament to hard
work and integrity throughout my career. When we moved to Macon we were advised
that Stratford Academy, a local private school, was by far the best place for our children
to receive their pre-college education. My children, and my family, have thrived in
Macon. We are happy to call this city home.

Tobe has thrived in Macon and at Stratford Academy. While Stratford is not a sought
after school for kids wishing to play high level college sports, it has been an excellent
training ground for Tobe’s next step in life. Whether your child is attending a school that
has multiple Division I football and basketball recruits per year, or a smaller unknown
like Stratford Academy, every day matters. Tobe has had his missteps, but they have
been limited, and as parents we have been involved in his life at every stage. Tobe’s
character, work ethic, and survival skills have served him well. As you learn about the
recruiting process, and especially our experience, you’ll likely notice that Tobe’s ability
to handle the pressure and workload contributed to his success. Tobe was able to
develop the athletic skills he needed to be able to pursue his dream, but it was who he
is inside that got him this far. The intangible qualities my son possesses are as
important to his current and future success as are the physical qualities he has
developed.
As our children, and especially Tobe, have progressed through their school years, we
have kept a balanced approach to their talents. I coached my kids’ soccer teams when
we lived in Pennsylvania, and it has always been a priority of mine to stay physically fit.
However, Anayo and I have not pushed or suggested any one path or hobby for any of
our children. We made a conscious decision early in our parenting journey that we
would not encourage or discourage our children to become doctors. We have always
made an effort to discover and support what our children are passionate about and
allow that to blossom. Our only focus has been that each of our children excel
academically and pursue an education that will allow them to live their best life possible.
My wife and I know firsthand that it is only when you are living out your God given talent
and destiny that you are truly happy. For many parents, it can be hard to let your child
discover their talent when your own passions are so strong. However, you will soon
learn, your child’s talent will naturally lend itself to success if you allow it.
Chapter 3
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My Passion For My Family
Your relationship with your child and instilling work ethic

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”
― Benjamin Franklin

Lifelong Parenting Influence

I am the eighth born child of nine children to my Mother and Father. In Nigeria, and
many other cultures around the world, the parent-child bond is one of the most
important in life. You see, there are no such things are nursing homes, social security,
or medicare in Nigeria. No, we don’t have those programs to help us take care of our
aging parents and elders. As we are raised we learn it is our responsibility, as sons and
daughters, to give back to our parents much like they gave to us when we were young.
My parents poured everything they had into my brothers and sisters because we were
literally their future. Their heartfelt desire was to provide the very best opportunity for us
to create a successful life. However, they also knew they would then depend upon us
for their security later in their life. My parents were, simply put, my living gods. There
was never any consideration for me that I would not be the one to provide for them and
take care of them when they could no longer do it themselves. I saw it as my
responsibility because that is just the way I was raised.

I’m sure my experience with my parents has shaped how I parent my own children
today. I’m also certain the survival skills I developed have had an impact on Tobe’s
character and outlook as well. In all fairness, my parents were certainly tired by the
time I came along. As the eighth child, don’t you know my Mother and Father knew at
this point they could keep me alive and healthy, and there was no anxiety over my
cracker falling on the floor and me reaching to it. Despite having what might seem
unmanageable to some, as the parents of nine children, my Mother and Father did an
excellent job. My Mother was the tender one, making sure I knew I was loved, and my
Father was the tough one. He made sure we all knew that education was the key to life.
In order to stay on my Father’s good side, you had to work hard and bring home good
grades that exemplified your best work. My Father was busy. He was working as hard
as he could to sustain a family with nine children, and he did not have time for
nonsense. He was very successful before the Nigerian Civil War, but he lost everything
and had to start completely over when we moved back to the city following the end of
the war. My Father picked himself up and took whatever reasonable job he could find to
provide food and shelter for our family. If we saw my Father, it was because we were in
trouble. For this reason, I was not close to my Father as a child, but I respected him and
I understood why he did what he did. Later in life, when my Father came to America, our
relationship blossomed and I was so thankful for this time with him. As a child I may not
have completely understood why my Father had to be so tough on me, and my brothers
and sisters, but now as a parent myself I understand completely. My Father was only
concerned with providing for us and ensuring we were growing into responsible people.

My relationship with my Father definitely influenced the type of Father I am today with
my three children. While I understood why he remained distant, I wanted more for my
children. I have always worked to strike that balance of being able to be my kids’ friend
and confidant, yet still their leader and someone they respect. It isn’t an easy balance to
achieve, but I can tell you it is possible. My children know they can tell me anything.
They know if they have messed up, of course I will be angry. However, the anger will
pass and then we will figure out how we will fix what has been broken. Often, my wife
and I can rely on each other to give our kids balance of someone to talk to, and the one
who has to instill the discipline response. I will be very honest, especially with my
upbringing, at times it is difficult to find that balance and not enforce so much discipline
that my kids hide from me. Your kids have to respect you so that they obey your rules
and can learn from you, but they cannot be so scared of you that they cannot come to
when they need help. It is a delicate balance, indeed.

My wife and I have always made it a priority to show our kids that Mom and Dad love
each other first. For us, we must demonstrate a strong bond between the two of us, to
provide the sense of security our kids need. I have a saying that I believe
wholeheartedly and it is: “If you hug your son, you give him confidence. If you hug your
daughter, you give her security.” This is my mantra for raising my children. I hug them,
and I hold them accountable to high standards. As long as they are confident, secure,
and understand there is nothing bad that Mom and Dad can’t handle, we are in a good
place. Creating a relationship with your child that is both respectful to you as a leader
and open for communication is critical for your child’s success.

As a parent of multiple children, we have found that as long as we stick to our beliefs,
and remain consistent, it is possible to raise responsible children. We have found that
once you get the first child trained on the rules and expectations of the house, the next
children will follow suit. Our house rule is no cell phones until you are ten years old.
Tobe’s younger sisters know this is not negotiable, it just is the rule, and they do not
argue or try to petition me to change for them. It is the same with sports. Tobe’s sisters
have seen all the attention he is getting, and they cannot wait for their turn. It motivates
them to pursue their talents and passions with all their heart, so that they can
experience the success they see their brother having.
Regardless of our high standards for our children, we make it a point to always praise
and encourage them. It’s one thing my Father never did. He never praised us, he only
criticized. My wife and I feel if you criticize too much, your child becomes numb to it, and
they stop caring. However, if you set a tone of praise for when they do something well, it
motivates them to continue to improve. When your children know the feeling of your
genuine praise for their efforts, the time when they do mess up and must meet your
disappointment will really affect them. It will motivate them to improve and never make
that same mistake again. In our home, we have family meetings, and we pray together
as a family. During those family meetings and prayers, we’ll praise and ask for help in
the areas where our kids need it most. Children want leadership, and they need to know
they are loved and secure. Set the tone early, and never waiver in your commitment to
them. Regardless of the culture you come from, your investment in your children will
reward you later in life.

My First Born
Tobe and I have been close from the day he was born. When I found out Anayo was
pregnant, of course I was overjoyed, but secretly I was hoping and praying for a boy. I
did not tell her this, but I wanted a boy so badly. When Tobe was a baby, we were the
typical worried first-time parents, sterilizing every surface in his environment and
worrying non-stop about everything. When Tobe was about one month old, my sister
wanted to keep him, and suggested we bring him to her house to stay with her. We
dropped Tobe off, and headed for a hotel in Wilmington, DE, where we could have a
quiet night and enjoy each other’s company, away from the new baby. Not even 30
minutes after we checked into the hotel, I got into the car, drove back to my sister’s
house, and peered at him through her windows to be sure he was ok. It was almost as if
the roles had reversed, and my wife was able to relax and be away from him, but I could
not.

All through Tobe’s life we have been close, and when he was a baby and a toddler I
could not go one day without seeing him. As a baby, Tobe cried a lot. Tobe cried so
much that we went through at least three or four nannies, because they could not deal
with his incessant crying. We could not go anywhere in public because of his crying,
and even wondered what our apartment neighbors thought of us as parents. We finally
discovered that he had an umbilical hernia and were able to resolve his pain and the
crying. However, until we were able to discover this, the only thing that would quiet
Tobe’s crying was to put him in the car and go for a ride. Now, imagine, we were living
in Philadelphia at the time, and it was always the middle of the night. Tobe would start
crying and out the door we would go. It was our earliest bonding time, me driving all
over Philadelphia, doing whatever was in my power to get him to stop crying. I never
wavered in my commitment to him, even at that young age. I was his Father and I would
do anything to help him rest peacefully.

Tobe and I really developed our bond as Father and Son when he was two years old.
Anayo was having to do an externship in another city and I was alone with Tobe for
most of the workweek. I loved every minute of it! I made his breakfast, took him to
daycare, and picked him up every evening after my shift and took him home to play. In
fact, Tobe and I enjoyed our time together so much that one time, as my wife was
leaving, that young child nonchalantly looked up at his mother and simply said “Bye
Mom!” It was a shock for a two-year-old to separate so easily from his Mother, but our
bond was so strong he did not mind her temporary absence.

In addition to instilling an appreciation for leadership and education, we have always

trained our children to be independent. From day one, coming home from the hospital,
our children have slept in their own beds. I know there are many opinions on this
parenting decision, but for us it was simple. We want our children to learn to take care
of themselves from the beginning. We are here to lead, train, love, and provide for them,
but at some point the reins are theirs to take. It has served me well with Tobe. We have
had a strong bond from day one. We have struck that balance of friendship and Father
and Son.

Trust and Communication

If you were to ask me, after learning of my priorities and mantra as a parent, what I think
it all comes down to, I would tell you it is trust and communication. My children know
there is nothing I would ever do to hurt them, and that everything I tell them and do is
with their best interest in mind. As long as the lines of communication are open and
honest, you can count your parenting journey a success. When your child is no longer
communicating with you, that is when you need to go deeper. Find a way to get through
to them, reestablish trust, and bring that relationship back. My kids know they can
always talk to me, no matter what. Nothing is too bad for them to tell me. I may show
anger initially, but I always find calm and we find a way to work together.

No parent is perfect, and neither is any child. We are imperfect humans given the
greatest gift of loving, training, and leading children into adulthood. It says in Proverbs
that “children are a crown to the aged” and I believe this to be true. The most important
work you will ever do in your work is the work you invest in your child. Take the time,
build the relationship, and teach them that with hard work and a focus on education,
their greatest dreams for their life can and will come true. We are living proof.
CHAPTER 4
Dad, I Want To Play Football
What You Should Know Before You Begin This Process

Your son has a talent

Growing up in Nigeria, and really anywhere other than the United States, football is
soccer. I know, what a tragedy. I knew very little about American football prior to moving
here. However, I always enjoyed watching it, even before Tobe was born. I was never
into college football that much, but I became a Philadelphia Eagles fan and a Pittsburgh
Steelers fan when we lived in those cities. I loved watching the players hit each other
like crazy, but I never envisioned having a son who would play football. In fact, my wife
and I have always preferred basketball. To us, there is such finesse required in
basketball. It is a game we love to watch and could have envisioned our son playing.

Regardless of our interest in sports, the focus in our home is and always will be
education. We have been blessed with very intelligent, hardworking kids. Tobe has
always been a straight A student. Prior to his high school years and his development in
the sport of football, he was just your typical skinny, nerdy kid with glasses. He has
always been academically strong, but sports were not something we considered, until
one day when I received a phone call from the varsity basketball coach. I happened to
be going in to perform a surgery when my phone rang. I saw it was Stratford, my
children's school, and I asked a scrub tech to answer. The person on the other end, the
varsity basketball coach said nothing was wrong, but he just wanted to talk with me
when I was available. When I finished the surgery I returned the phone call. This coach,
who I have now become friends with, told me he thought Tobe had a talent. I was in
shock! Tobe? Are you sure you called the right father? The last thing my wife and I
thought of Tobe as was an athlete. However, this coach had watched Tobe walk
through the gym during recess and jump up and grab the basketball rim, and he saw
something. So he made the phone call that quite literally set Tobe’s future in motion.

Despite our shock at the suggestion of our son as an athlete, my wife and I agreed to let
Tobe play basketball. We were introduced to a coach of a traveling AAU basketball
team, and they added Tobe to the roster. To say that we were uninformed about what
he needed was an extreme understatement. We didn’t know what shoes to buy, what
socks he needed, and that poor child showed up for his first basketball game with dress
socks and what looked like swim goggles to protect his glasses. Tobe was so clueless
in that first game he almost scored against his own team. In the South, the saying goes
“Bless his heart,” and really that was all you could say about Tobe in his basketball
debut. He was bad, there was no doubt about it. But you know what? The work ethic
was there. The desire was there. Tobe committed to learn and improve at the game,
and by the end of the season he was a starter who was dunking the ball during the
games.

Tobe’s success in basketball was exciting for my wife and I. When that season ended,
we encouraged him to continue with basketball. However, Tobe had other ideas. He told
us, “I think I want to play football.” I will be honest with you. We did try to talk him out of
it, but we did allow him to explain his desire. To my wife and I, Tobe may have had the
size potential for football, but we knew him as a gentle soul, not what we saw on those
NFL playing fields. Despite our efforts to talk him out of playing football, Tobe persisted.

We let the coach know Tobe wanted to play and he was thrilled to have him. At this
point, you might say the rest is history. I cannot explain to you the transformation that
took place when Tobe showed up, put on the shoulder pads and helmet, and stepped
onto that playing field. He was a different person. Tobe was hitting players and knocking
them down effortlessly. It was a shock to us, but we saw how he came alive on that
field. There was no denying that this could definitely be our child’s true talent and
passion. Tobe was a true natural. When he started playing football, he didn’t even know
what a sack was. However, Tobe’s innate capability and his work ethic served him well
and he was starting on the team in no time. Fast forward to his senior year and he has
started every game and never missed a game with his team. It was happening very
quickly; Tobe was becoming a successful athlete. Make no mistake, however, Tobe’s
success did not happen by some magical occurrence or as the result of the influence of
a wealthy or powerful family. Tobe was successful because he wanted it, and because
he was willing to work for it. His humility and desire to succeed no matter what showed
up immediately, and it contributed to his success on the playing field in a major way.

Growing pains

As with any parenting journey, there are always bumps in the road. When Tobe started
playing football, he started trying to be cool. In no time, he went from being a straight A
student to bringing home an F. This was not acceptable in our home. Education comes
first, no matter what. I called the Coach and told him there would be no more sports for
Tobe due to his grades. Of course the coach tried to negotiate but education is non-
negotiable. It was not a pretty time in our home. Imagine Tobe’s frustration with us,
removing him from this new love of his life. However, we soon found a resolution. The
coach wanted Tobe playing so badly that he was willing to be part of the solution. We
made a deal that the Coach himself had to take a progress report around to each of
Tobe’s teachers on a weekly basis. Each teacher had to certify with the coach that Tobe
was improving, otherwise, there would be no football for Tobe. Tobe bounced back, but
it was a valuable lesson for him. When he started the 9th grade, he held a 4.0 grade
average, and it dropped to a 3.2 during that time. By the beginning of the 10th grade, he
had recovered and was back to a 4.0.

Amidst all of that, I was not trying to be tough or keep Tobe from what he wanted to do.
I simply knew, no matter the talent he may have in football, his education would always
be the one thing no one will ever be able to take from. In those dark years following the
Civil War in Nigeria, when my Father struggled to find work to provide for our family, he
was at a disadvantage. You see, my Father only had a sixth grade education. He knew
if he had gone further in school, had he been able, he could have provided a better life
for us, and he told us that. It’s why education was always a priority in my childhood
home and will always be a priority now in my children’s lives. Lucky for Tobe, who
wanted to go to Stanford, they throw out ninth grade results in the application process.
Stanford understands that sometimes, in those formative years, the bumps in the road
happen, and as long as the lesson is learned, they shouldn’t be held against
prospective students who have proven they can do the work to be successful at
Stanford. Tobe had to experience those growing pains to know what was really
important to him. He tried to be cool, and he wasn’t being himself. Kids told him he
couldn’t play piano, make straight A’s, and like Anime if he was a black football player. I
guess you could call it reverse discrimination, but it was a good lesson for Tobe. He had
to decide who HE was, not who everyone else thought he should be. When Tobe
started down the path where his grades dropped, the response my wife and I gave him
made him feel as if he had lost all of our respect. Thankfully, that registered with him.
Even at such a young age, we had built the relationship and the trust for him to value
our opinion over those of his peers. It’s a lesson that is hard to learn, but I’m thankful he
experienced it when he did. Parenting is always a delicate balance. There is a saying in
Nigeria that essentially says you discipline your child with the right hand and pull them
in to love them with the left. It speaks to that constant push and pull of loving and
leading, teaching and forgiving. It’s never easy, but the payoff is well worth it.

Setting our standard, and expectation

Throughout this journey, and especially when he decided to really commit to playing
football, Tobe has worked very hard. Many parents don’t realize their kids are watching
everything they do. Even if your child does not tell you, they are watching you very
closely. Lead by example. Practice what you preach. When your child starts playing
football and they let something else slide, don’t let them throw it back in your face that
you haven’t held to your own standards, either. It’s much harder to lead when you don’t
walk your talk. My kids know my wife and I work very hard. We use every moment we
can get and we are working hard so we can provide everything possible to them to
create their best life possible. Our kids know I will sell the shirt off of my back if
necessary to pay their college tuition, but the bargain is that they will maintain good
grades. The only way my wife and I have built the life we now enjoy, in America, is
through our relentless pursuit of education and hard work. For us,
education is the great equalizer. You can be anything you want to be, you just have to
go learn how to do it.

When Tobe first started getting attention in football, I wanted to ensure his head stayed
on straight and his eyes stayed focused in the right direction. There was a program I
watched on ESPN about extremely successful athletes who had professional sports
careers. The show centered around how all of these young, talented athletes reached
the pinnacle of their sport, made money beyond their wildest dreams, and then lost it all.
They squandered it with irresponsible living and a lack of appreciation for their success.
I made Tobe watch this show, in its entirety, twice. I wanted him to see that even these
athletes who were the best of the best needed something to fall back on. Nothing lasts
forever, and high level sports carries extreme risk of career ending injuries. What if you
suffer an injury that ends your career at the ripe old age of twenty-six? Then what?
Education has to be a priority, even for the young sports prodigy. He may have talent
that is getting the attention of top recruiters in the nation, but the minute he cannot play,
he’s old news. However, the classroom, and learning skills to provide for a lifetime, will
never leave him. My children all know they will never go hungry if they work hard and
get a good education.

Tobe is not your average football player. He was a very good piano player. When we
lived in Pittsburgh, he once played in Carnegie Music Hall. Tobe has a gift of sight
reading, which is rare and very esteemed among musicians. Tobe has always been
good at math, and is more technically inclined. He likes to work with things that are rules
based, more black and white in nature and not up for debate. Tobe has always been
interested in animation and video games, and has a talent for drawing things and
animating them on the computer. It makes a lot of sense to us, knowing Tobe’s interests
and strengths, that he wants to be a computer programmer.

When football entered the scene in Tobe’s life, we had some decisions to make. He was
playing basketball as well, but his talent in football was on another level. When he was
in 10th grade, he began getting some attention for his football talent, and so we made a
conscious decision to stop playing basketball so Tobe could focus his energy on his
development in football. When Tobe played basketball, we always had to wake him up
and drag him out of bed for early practice sessions. With football, there was none of
that. Tobe was so focused and energized by the game, he was always up and gone in
plenty of time for early practice. Tobe’s work ethic and dedication to the game will take
him far, but he definitely needed our direction to walk through the process of college
recruitment.

Wisdom in the process

In Nigeria, when we speak of the wisdom of our elders, we say, “What an adult can see
sitting down, a kid cannot see from the top of an iroko tree.” It’s simply to say that much
is obvious to older generations, and so our children must be willing to learn from and
listen to their parents and elders. It is the same with the college recruitment process.

As we began to get serious about the college recruitment process, there were a few key
experts we met and relied upon. William Brown was one of them. William was a
consultant who worked for Next College Student Athlete, or NCSA, a recruiting
consulting company. William’s job was to partner with the families he was assigned to
and mentor them through the recruiting process. As we got to know each other, we
became friends, and not just his client. William’s experience as a student athlete, a
professional player, and a former coach were invaluable to us. Commented [1]: I'm not sure if I want to give a
residual or peripheral endorsement to NCSA. They are
one of the main reasons why this book is being written.
William grew up in the Philadelphia suburbs, and if you know anything about how However, Dr. Umerah may have a different feeling
about it but we should discuss this.
important football is in the state of Pennsylvania, you’ll believe me when I say football
Commented [2]: Dr. Umerah says: we intro William as
has been a part of William’s life for as long as he can remember. someone who played and coached in college, the NFL,
As a student, William had a natural talent for football, and it was the motivator for him to and down the line for NCSA. We are saying it in Dr.
Umerah's voice, which protects this from coming
focus on the academic side of school and make good grades to be eligible to play. across as an endorsement. "Even my good friend
William, like many student athletes, struggled with academics, but football was a gift William cannot endorse any of these recruiting
companies." NCSA is on his resume, we will state it as
because it made academics important. He ended up beginning his college football a fact of his history, not as an endorsement. <These
career at a junior college, then transferring to Kutztown University, where he was are notes for Meredith to edit how William is introduced
and how we treat the NCSA issue.>
heavily recruited. He was like a lot of young student athletes, and playing in the NFL
was his lifelong dream. William was heavily recruited from Kutztown, and signed with
the Washington Redskins as a free agent. He was cut from the team at training camp,
but received an offer from the Frankfurt Galaxy to play in the NFL Europe league, and
was a part of the team that won the World Bowl in 1999. William then got an offer from
the Seattle Seahawks but was again cut during training camp, and then received an
offer from his alma mater, Kutztown University, to return as part of the coaching staff.
While he had never considered coaching, it was an offer he couldn’t refuse, and allowed
him to pursue a Master’s in Public Administration. Even for William, the naturally
talented football player with a professional career, education still mattered.

After completing his Masters, William was fortunate to hold several other coaching
positions, including coaching and recruiting for Columbia University, an Ivy League
school. William’s experience at Columbia was a key factor in his increased appreciation
for a quality education and the value it brings in life, beyond college or professional
sports. William began to understand the full picture for a student athlete in his time at
Columbia, and it was there he developed his approach that eventually had such a
positive impact on our family. William’s experience as a student athlete, coach, and
professional player served him well in his role at the recruiting company, although it was
a reluctant career choice for him. We clicked immediately, and I knew we were in good
hands, which is not typically the case with recruiting consulting companies. William is
not the norm for the consultant you will find at these companies. He took his
responsibility for our experience to another level, and was personally invested in
ensuring we were as informed and prepared as possible to guide Tobe to success in the
recruiting process. Commented [3]: Before concluding I think you should
add a few notable coaching experiences. Coaching and
recruiting in the Ivy League at Columbia University
When you begin the process of pursuing college level sports for your child, acquiring the really gave tremendous appreciation for what a good
education really looks like and it also was the core of
experience and wisdom of those who have been through the process, and those who my deep understanding of how to give families,
have actually worked in the sport, is priceless. Before you begin this process, there are including Tobe and Dr. Umerah a balanced evaluation
of both their potential academically and athletically.
a few things that you should know as a parent. Secondly, I also coached in the NFL and I think that will
have more value than mentioning my playing
experiences in NFL Europe. I think we should discuss
First, you cannot be the one that wants this. Your child has to want to play sports, or because I am not sure I mentioned this to you when we
pursue their passion, at a high level. If you, the parent, are the only one that wants this, spoke

stop now. You will only frustrate yourself and waste money, time, and other precious
resources before you finally give up. You can help your child see the future and the
opportunity, and help them understand why they should pursue it, but if they do not
want it, stop now. I cannot stress this enough.
Commented [4]: YES! Let's discuss. I'll set up a time
for us to chat week after Thanksgiving. Adding some
edits now and working to complete November's
chapters.

Second, before you begin the recruitment process, and after you realize you may have
an opportunity because of your child’s talent, go visit some schools. You can go meet
coaches and schools and let them see your child and what he or she is capable of. This
is what is known as the “eyeball test,” and it is critical to your child’s discovery in the
recruiting process. Bring your child to the schools where you think they will want to
attend and pursue their dream. Again, if they want it, this could ignite the spark that
motivates them to work hard at achieving the grades and skill necessary to get to that
next level. We took Tobe around to many schools and I can tell you that is exactly how
he got offers from Tennessee, Duke, and Auburn.

Third, go to camps, but before you go, prepare your child. Hire a trainer or an expert in
their field and have them help your child prepare. We hired a trainer who helped Tobe
with footwork, agility, and the skills coaches and recruiters would be looking for. If you
show up to schools and camps with a prepared, high potential athlete, you’ve won half
the battle, and you’re only in the tenth grade. Many parents think they need recruiting
consultants or companies to help them get their child recruited, but the reality is, armed
with knowledge and proper preparation, you can save a lot of money and still be
successful.

As soon as you realize your child may have talent potential, start doing your research.
When we first started watching Tobe play, it was a total “Wow!” Moment for us. At
Tobe’s second game, a home game, he amazed us. He was vicious. He could cover the
field. I will be honest and tell you, despite this experience, I didn’t think much of college
at the time. Many parents, not unlike ourselves, make the mistake of thinking that if their
child is good enough at something, they can depend upon school coaches and
leadership to get their child connected to the next level. Unfortunately, this is far from
the truth. In any given high school football program across America, the head coach is
tasked with as many as seventy athletes, his own family and life, and cannot shoulder
the unrealistic expectations that he could somehow advocate for your child to earn a
college scholarship. It isn’t ideal and it isn’t the way to go about this process.
You, the parent, are the one that should be doing all of this work for your child. You
cannot count on the coach; it is not his responsibility. His responsibility is winning high
school games, plain and simple.

The greatest investment

I will not lie to you. The process of helping your child pursue their dream, whether it is
elite college sports or another passion and talent, is a lot of work. But, is there any
greater place where you can devote your time? I would say this is the greatest life
investment you can make, that of your own kids.

Our family has always been very supportive of each other, and that is critical in this
process. It will take a lot of each of you, but you will create cherished memories along
the way. Tobe’s sisters did not go with us to all of the camps, but they did go with us to
Stanford. Tobe and I shared many bonding experiences as we traveled to school visits
and camps throughout his journey. I can recall one night when we had been driving very
late to reach a camp and I simply had to stop and get us a cheap motel room
somewhere in South Carolina. The only room they had available only had one King bed.
Let me tell you, Tobe was a bit mortified to share the bed with me, so I made sure to
snuggle him close and throw a leg over his hip when we finally went to sleep to ensure
he knew Dad loved him dearly. You cannot trade memories like that for anything in the
world, and Tobe and I will always have this journey to look back on together.

Throughout this journey, I was the constant for my son. My wife supported us, as did my
daughters, but it was about Tobe and I. Now, I can see how our relationship
strengthened and went to the next level. Tobe truly trusts me and we are very close
friends. I could not ask for much more in life than the relationship I have built with my
son. It might sound strange, but we talk every day, even if I am traveling. When we went
to Penn State for a school visit, it was me who Tobe asked for pointers to be smooth
with the girls. I simply told him to be himself. There is no greater compliment than the
respect and friendship of your child. If I can find the time, as a medical practice owner
and MD in one of the most demanding fields of practice, to guide my son through this
process, then I can assure you, anyone can find the time. You will always find the time
for what is most important to you. I cannot imagine a more valuable way to spend your
time than helping your child realize their true potential.

What To Know - It’s time to take this seriously

(What you should know before you begin)
When Tobe expressed interest in playing football, it was very quickly followed up by
confirmation from a coach at his high school that he did, in fact, possess the physical
characteristics he would need to be successful. My wife and I proceeded with great
caution for several reasons. First, he was not the kid you would expect to turn into a
heavily recruited athlete. As I’ve previously mentioned, Tobe was the quintessential
skinny, nerdy black kid. He was shy. He certainly didn’t have the ego, or swagger, I had
witnessed when viewing college football players on TV. But, Tobe persisted, and the
information we were getting from the experts, his high school coaches, was extremely
encouraging. My wife and I were very hesitant to allow him to play football. In fact, we
did everything we could to talk him out of it. Sure, it’s every parent’s dream, and for that
matter every kid’s dream to play in the NFL. However, for my family, it’s about education
and working to achieve a better life. When football first surfaced in our home, it wasn’t
what I had envisioned as Tobe’s path to success.

You may experience this challenge as a parent. Whether it’s because of your own
childhood or your life experiences, you have a vision for what the road to success will
look like for your child. For me, as an immigrant from Nigeria, my focus has always
been instilling a work ethic and an appreciation for education in my children. I know from
personal experience that hard work and the right experience can enable you to create
the life you’ve always dreamed of living. However, we often need to temper our own
visions and expectations when it comes to our children. Admittedly, we likely didn’t
follow the exact path our own parents planned for us, so how can we expect any
different for our own children. At the end of the day, for me, I wanted Tobe to find
happiness in what his true talent and passion was. When you are dealing with a high
school student, that passion and talent might be difficult to identify. This is when you
turn to the experts you have at your disposal.
Whether your child’s interest is in football or the arts, you have a team of experts at your
disposal on a daily basis. These experts are the staff and coaches at your child’s
school. Whether your child is enrolled in public or private school, I implore you to
engage, trust and enlist the staff. The folks who have given their life, and dedicated their
educational training to learning how to train your child to become a successful human
being are your first line of discovery and defense. These folks will help you discover
your child’s true talents because they can see them when you can’t. They can assess
them in ways you can’t as a parent. The staff at your child’s school can stand in the gap
when your child won’t listen to you for no other reason than you are their parent. Utilize
the resource and the expertise of your child’s school. However, please keep in mind that
the ultimate responsibility of your child’s high school coach is to win games for their
school. You cannot place the burden or expectation of this process upon them. It simply
is not possible or reasonable for them, but they can be a conduit and sounding board.

When your child expresses an interest in playing football, or any sport at the college
level, there is a natural progression of exploration that you can expect. Not everyone will
be eligible or equipped for the highest level of college athletics playing for Division I
teams. However, many kids are good enough and well suited for Division II or Division
III teams and beyond. Before you begin the process of pursuing college sports
recruitment, you need to first know your child.

As a parent, when you are given feedback from that first line of defense, your local
school staff, it’s only natural to get very excited. It could be a financial dream come true
for many families to send their son off to play Division I football on a full ride scholarship
to a highly ranked team with the potential for continuing to the NFL. However, the
pursuit of such an outcome with an athlete who simply won’t ever make it could be more
detrimental than any parent could imagine. Let’s face it. We all start with the best
intentions, but it is often the most difficult assignment for us to remain open minded and
neutral when it comes to our own children.

Be Honest With Yourself

If you are entering the world of college sports and football recruiting, there are a few key
elements you must consider with regards to your child. First, is your child emotionally
ready and committed to go through the process of pursuing college recruitment? All of
your commitment and investment will fall flat if your child isn’t personally committed and
willing to deal with the ups and downs of the recruiting process. It is a long process, and
requires an emotional maturity that sees the end result in spite of the bumps that may
come in the road.
Second, you must honestly ask yourself, is your child academically ready for college
recruitment? You’ll never hear the players’ GPA quoted when they step on the field for
Saturday evening prime time college football matchups. However, they’ll never step on
the field if they can’t keep up with their school’s academic standards. Physical talent is
an absolute must to succeed in college football, but it cannot stand alone. Academics
are important, because, well, this is college after all. While we all have the dream of our
young athlete going on to play in the NFL, the reality is harsh. Many of college football’s
brightest stars never make it past the first training camp. Professional sports is a
demanding career choice, and one that is over in the blink of an eye when a season
ending injury occurs. Without absolute respect for and dedication to the academic rigors
of attending and graduating from college, your child’s chances of succeeding in sports is
little to none.

While it may seem that the football team funds some of the biggest and most popular
schools, the truth is quite the opposite. The team wouldn’t exist without the higher
education institution it is there to represent. If your child has the physical talent or size
and is struggling on the academic side of the equation, get help now. The earlier you
can make an intervention, the greater your chances of success will be. Often, academic
struggles arise from a lack of confidence or a need for more attention than is reasonable
in a typical classroom environment. Don’t be ashamed to get your child a tutor. It’s
never too early, or too late, to ask for help. Many athletes will tell you that sports gave
them the motivation they needed to focus and work hard at their academics. Without
sports, it’s possible we could see a far greater high school dropout rate and
unemployment rate in this country. Let your child’s physical talent be the catalyst for
equipping them for a lifetime of success. Remember, William’s greatest struggle was
academics, and because of football, he went on to obtain a Master’s degree. That
additional academic work has served him well both personally and professionally, and
he has his football career to thank for it.

Once you have determined your child has a physical gift, they can survive and thrive
academically, and they are emotionally ready to explore the process of college sports
recruitment, it’s time for you to do a self-assessment. As parents, we think we know our
kids. Most of the time we do, and sometimes we’re wrong. We’re human, after all. As
parents, we have to put all of our preconceived notions, ideas and hopes aside. We
often hear the story of the high school band nerd who, stifled by her parents’ fear and
ideas for what her talents were, missed her opportunity to play sports at the collegiate.
It’s the child whose parents were musically inclined, and assumed the same must be
true for their daughter. Yet, when she finished college and set out on her own, she
discovered a drive and an athletic talent that led her to incredible success as an adult,
amateur age group athlete competing in local triathlons. You might say her father
missed an opportunity by projecting his own expectations and opinions upon his
daughter, instead of taking a step back to learn about her desires and interests. Before
you place the weight of your own expectations and dreams for your child on their life,
take a self-assessment. Why are you exploring the college recruitment process? Why
did you purchase this book? Is it because your son, like Tobe, has a gift? Because
when he steps onto that playing field you see a different, better, elevated version of him
you don’t witness elsewhere? Or is it because you didn’t get that chance yourself and
you’re driven to create it for your child? Whatever the reason for pursuing college sports
recruitment for your child, it cannot be self-serving for you, the parent. IF you are the
only one committed to this process, please stop. Put this book away now. It’s part of the
Hippocratic oath I took as a Doctor. “First, do no harm.” You must uphold this same
respect for your child and their future. You will do far greater harm by forcing an
outcome your child does not wish for themselves than you will by stepping back and
allowing them the space to discover exactly what it is they were put on this Earth to
accomplish.

Once you determine you and your child are both ready and committed to the process of
pursuing college recruitment, it’s time to decide upon your path. Later in the book we
will dive into the specifics of the college recruitment process and how to navigate it.
Once you have a balanced opinion of your child it is time to make a decision. Many
families will choose recruiting companies and find they provide great value. Many
families will find all the answers and guidance they need to successfully navigate the
recruiting process from this book and the resources provided herein. A recruiting
company might seem nice to have and they’ll certainly promise results. However, many
families simply don’t need it. Why?

There is a secret most college bound athletes and their families are simply not aware of.
It’s a secret the recruiting companies simply don’t want you to know.

College coaches are looking for you. They want to find you!
All you have to do is make it easy for them to find you.
How do you do that? More on that later.

Now, your world has changed. Your son wants to play football. You’ve agreed to let him
play. His coaches are telling you he has a gift. He has the emotional and academic
skills he needs to thrive in the college environment. You are ready to explore college
recruitment. You have an open minded, balanced opinion of your child. Now, you’re
ready to jump in feet first.
The college recruiting process is an ongoing process, and it matters significantly where
you enter in the process. Tobe was getting a lot of attention early in his Junior year of
high school, so we began asking questions. Where do we go to camps? How do we talk
to the Coaches we want to talk to? What does it mean when a Coach calls? You need
to know where you are in the process, because this will significantly impact how you
proceed. Ideally, you want to begin your involvement in the college recruiting process
when your child is a Freshman in high school. At this point, you should be
communicating with your high school coaches and teachers about your son’s abilities.
Begin asking questions about any other players who have been recruited from your
child’s high school, and what schools have made offers to players from your school.
Your geographic location plays a large part in the recruiting process, and making
yourself known regionally as early in the process as possible can play a significant
advantage in your success down the road. Early recruits get a significant advantage,
because once one offer is received, subsequent offers tend to follow.

Your final area of exploration before you begin the college recruiting process is all about
your location. Most schools recruit regionally, and have a geography they typically draw
from. This is often driven by budget or school preference. Tobe was recruited by
Stanford, a West Coast school, because they sought out star athletes with exceptionally
strong academic backgrounds. For this reason, Stanford recruits nationally. They won’t
find all the athletes they need to fill their roster in the state of California. Clemson
University and the University of Alabama, however, can typically fill their roster with a
regional recruiting approach. The Southeastern region is ripe with student athletes who
possess the skill and drive to play at the highest levels of college football, just a few
hours away from home. Where do you live? What schools interest you that are a
reasonable distance away? Make a list of the opportunities available to you based on
your location and consider those your highest priority as you begin the recruiting
process.

It’s official. Your child has declared a love for sports that could lead to a possible college
scholarship and maybe even a professional career. You’ve identified the opportunities
available to you and determined timing is on your side. Now it’s time to truly understand
your child, their talent, and what this all means.
CHAPTER 5
When I Realized My Son Had A Gift
Understanding Your Child’s Talent And Their Opportunity

“We are all gifted. That is our inheritance.” - Ethel Waters

By now you know that Tobe was not what you would typically expect when you think of
a promising athlete. Tobe never disappointed us as a child, but he has also been a very
normal boy. Despite his quiet nature, musical talent, and interest in computer animation,
he exhibited the typical maturity progression you would expect from any young teenage
boy. In fact, we did not pursue an opportunity we believe very strongly in for Tobe, and
that is boarding school. I went to boarding school when I was in Nigeria, and it is a
system and an educational process that Anayo and I believe in. When I went to
boarding school, there were no cell phones. The only way to communicate was by
sending a written letter or a telegraph home, and hoping your family received it and
would respond. I learned survival in boarding school. To this day, I am thankful for the
experience and believe in it, when it is right, for my children as well. However, we chose
to keep Tobe at home and at Stratford for his pre-college education. Despite his strong
academic standing at the end of 8th grade, my wife and I just felt he needed more time
to mature and was not ready for the demands and independence of boarding school.
Hindsight is always a gift, and we are now even more thankful for that decision,
because it allowed us to discover Tobe’s gift.

If there is nothing else you take from this book than the realization that you cannot
manifest your desired future for your child upon them, then I will consider it a success. It
can be hard, especially for those of us who have unfulfilled dreams, to sit back and
allow our children's’ natural passions to develop. Often, if you have experience or talent
in a certain sport, hobby, or skill, your hope is that your child will develop the same
proficiency and love for it. You want to have a common interest, but allowing your child
to discover and develop their own passions in life, and find true happiness, will foster
your relationship with them more than you can ever imagine. Trust me, I’ve experienced
it firsthand. Remember, I’m the Nigerian immigrant who only knew of football as soccer
and never in a million years imagined college football could become the center of my
son’s universe and future.

True Talent Is Unmistakable

Tobe was already playing basketball, and while he was capable of learning and
executing the game, he was by no means a stand out. Although Anayo and I had a love
for the sport of basketball, we abided by our philosophy to allow Tobe’s passion and
talent develop without excessive pressure or influence from us. When Tobe began to
play football, we never discouraged it, but I can tell you we did not know the journey we
were about to begin. The day I realized Tobe had talent in football, talent that was
above average and had potential, was during his second game in the ninth grade. I
have no other words to describe what we saw than that our son was possessed. I will
repeat myself, it was as if he was literally possessed.

Tobe was flying all over the field, taking down players on the opposite team, and it was
like nothing we had ever seen him do. I knew, on that day, Tobe had a gift. I reached
out to Tobe’s football coach the following day with a text message, telling him I felt like
Tobe had a talent in football. His response? “Yes, he does. And he needs new cleats to
go with that talent.” It was a harsh, yet realistic introduction to the sport of football, and
the realization that Tobe’s coach was really only there for the school, and not as
concerned with developing my son’s individual talent as I may have thought. Stratford,
as a private school, has a population of kids whose parents are highly involved in
molding their futures. So you can imagine the pressure the coaches and teachers at the
school receive from overzealous parents. “Play my son.” “Get my daughter a
scholarship, she’s so talented.” I can only imagine the tension they face on a daily
basis, dealing with well-intentioned families. I knew immediately it would be up to us to
foster and support Tobe’s newfound talent, and I was ok with that. It is, after all, my
responsibility and I was honored to pursue football alongside my son. So, with that bit of
honesty from the Stratford football coach, we bought Tobe new cleats, and the rest is
history.

Sit Back, Let The Passion Develop

Tobe’s talent was so strong in football, Stratford was able to play him on Offense,
Defense, and Special Teams. He is a gifted and versatile athlete, and it showed from
the very beginning. As we have now learned, this is a huge advantage for college
prospects. The Division 1 teams look for multi-sport, versatile athletes. They are easier
to train and mold. The critical part to all of this is that Tobe was naturally passionate
about football. That child would have done extra chores to be allowed to play if he
thought it was necessary. When your child has a natural talent and passion, it will be
obvious. It won’t have to be forced. Baseball legend Cal Ripken, Jr., writes in his book,
Parenting Young Athletes The Ripken Way, about allowing this natural progression of
talent. "Don't try to relive your glory years or, worse yet, live your dreams through your
children,” Ripken Jr. says. “Just let them be children.” I think this is the best advice we
can receive as parents. While we truly always want only the best for our children,
sometimes that desire can cause us to push too hard in a direction that our child may
not be naturally headed. Now, am I advising you to take a complete hands-off approach
to your child’s education and exposure to athletics and extracurricular activities?
Absolutely not. Instead, be a facilitator. Be open minded. Recognize your child’s
strengths and weaknesses. When you see talent, but a lack of, say, work ethic, be there
to foster growth. Be the life mentor your child doesn’t know he or she needs. Be the one
watching for that clue, that spark, that signals a life direction. It’s there, you just have to
see it, and then cultivate it. This is why we made the decision for Tobe to stop playing
basketball as he pursued college scholarships in football. It was a conscious decision
on our part, because the time spent preparing for and attending camps was far more
valuable than the time spent playing a second sport. Now that Tobe is through the
admission and commitment process, he is going to play basketball his Senior year. It
helps him maintain his fitness, and keeps him motivated in the off season from football.

When Tobe began playing football, his mother took an immediate interest in learning the
game. I have to tell you, that is the best part of this entire journey. Now, my best friend
watches football with me and is as invested in the games as I am. Thank you, Tobe! It
does not matter who you are, every parent is thrilled when their child excels at
something. Tobe’s talent and passion have served him well in the game of football. He
has never had an injury or missed a game during his entire high school football career.
Tobe’s personality is not that of a typical high school standout football player. In fact,
Tobe is so reserved, you could sit in the same room, or even car, with him for hours and
he would never say a word to you. During Tobe’s high school career, when I needed to
take him somewhere that was only one mile away, I would take a five mile route just to
give him time to talk to me about anything that was going on.

Throughout all of this process, it was critical that we, as Tobe’s parents, had an open
mind about his desires and ability, and a willingness to do the heavy lifting to get him to
the level he was capable of playing at. Once we had all of those boxes checked, it was
time for us to explore the technical side of pursuing a college sports scholarship for our
son.

There is a natural evolution of the process once you recognize that your child has
serious potential in any activity. First, you have to return to that open minded view of
your child. Does he or she have the emotional, academic, and athletic maturity to
pursue higher level sports? You also need to have confirmation that your child has true
size potential for collegiate athletics. Tobe inspired the excitement of Mark Taylor, a
consultant and trainer who had connections and experience sending other gifted
athletes as far as the professional ranks. We’ll talk more about how Mark helped Tobe
specifically, but his role was pivotal in the beginning of the process. A professional’s
realistic, honest assessment of your child is critical. Let’s face it, as parents, we’ll
always see our own children’s highest dreams in reach, sometimes in spite of reality.
Trust a professional, and respect their honesty.

Understand The Process Before You Begin

It is important to know where you are in the process before you begin pursuing higher
level sports or activities for your child. There are many points of entry into the process of
pursuing athletic scholarships, and unfortunately, many parents enter too late. Tobe is
extremely fortunate that his academic and athletic talent were so strong, because to
only begin playing football in the ninth grade could be considered a late entry into the
process. Many kids start football at an extremely young age, and it allows the parents to
identify the opportunity and begin seeking advice on the process.

If your child is showing promise, begin by finding out who the recruiter is for your ideal
schools. Sit down and discuss your child’s goals with him and then make a list. If you
could dream your biggest dream possible and have that come true, where would you
want to play in college? Often, by simply asking the question, and having your child
verbalize their goals, it is the first step in making those goals a reality. There is a saying
that say something like, a dream becomes a goal when it is manifested with a plan.
Have the conversation with your child make sure the path you’re headed down is one
they are personally invested in, otherwise, you are wasting your time. When you begin
this process, it is up to you, your child, and your support system to make this happen.

When you are all in agreement that your child has talent, and wants to pursue athletics
beyond high school, it’s time to get the right eyeballs on your child. A recruiter is the
ideal point of entry into this process, but they are not allowed to talk to your child until
his or her senior year of high school. They can, however, see your child, and be aware
of their talent and their upcoming eligibility. What most parents don’t know is that
recruiters are actively looking for your child, so it is up to you to make sure they can be
found. The earlier they can be found by recruiters, the better. Have a good relationship
with your high school coach so that they can help facilitate process. Do not expect them
to provide hands on help, but they may be able to inform you when recruiters are in
town or let you know about events where your young athlete can be seen.

You’ll need an evaluation of your child’s potential to guide you in the process. Your high
school coach is a natural conduit and the first set of eyes to give you an honest opinion
about your student athlete. However, the high school coach is only the first step. It’s a
bit early in 9th grade to get an evaluation because your child’s ability or size may not
have fully developed, so be patient attentive as your child develops. The next evaluation
is either by a professional or a college recruiter or coach. This is all in an effort to
confirm your realization that your child has potential and allow you to make an educated
decision about diving into the college athletics recruiting process.

Regarding timing, with college football recruiting, if your child hasn’t had contact with a
Division 1 Coach by the time they are a Junior, it isn’t likely they will be recruited at that
level. You may need to have a backup plan, or, a second string list of schools you are
interested in when your first list does not pan out. Although Tobe started playing in the
ninth grade, and was at a small private school, which typically does not get a lot of
recruitment attention, he had geography working in his favor. Macon, Georgia, is close
to Atlanta and was an easy trip for a coach or recruiter who was already in town seeing
other prospects from bigger schools in and near the city. Atlanta is one of the heaviest
recruited areas in the country, so we were very fortunate in that regard. We contacted a
consulting company in Tobe’s junior year, and our main questions were regarding which
camps to attend. We knew at that point Tobe needed to be seen, and we wanted to
make that happen. Once again, we were extremely fortunate in this process, because
Tobe received an offer at his very first camp, from the University of Tennessee. This
isn’t necessarily the norm, and may not be the case for your child. However, once you
get that first offer, the rest start falling into place, which is why it is so important to enter
the process early and allow your student athlete exposure to the recruiters and coaches
who are searching for him. We always had an academic plan for Tobe, so our list of
schools was already set and it allowed us to have a plan and a priority list when
athletics became a big part of his college plan as well. Recruiting is very competitive for
early recruits, because once an athlete gets an offer, it shines the light on him and other
coaches want to see what his ability is. However, there will be some coaches or schools
that have size or other mandates, and it may simply be that your child does not meet
their mandate. Again, make list and a plan early so you can learn these things sooner,
rather than later.

Once you recognize your child has talent, and begin educating yourself about the
recruiting process, you’ll likely realize it is a heavy process. It is all-encompassing for
most families. Many people are not aware that recruiting is happening all the time, and it
is only showcased for a short time during the football season. There are recruiting
websites, companies, and even social media dedicated purely to the college sports
recruiting industry. Many parents will go into the process and experience many
surprises, whether it is related to the athletic side of the process, or that academics still
play a huge part. If you come into the process late, and realize your child cannot make
the grade, literally, you may find yourself in a terrible crunch to improve their academic
standing because it is keeping them from the chance to play at their dream school,
where their athletic skills do qualify. Make no mistake, if your student athlete is the most
gifted player on the field, but cannot control his attitude or does not have the grades to
meet minimum entrance requirements at his desired school, he will not get recruited.
No matter where you are in the process, commit to being serious about academics,
because it is far more important for your child’s future than you can imagine. Just look at
me. Had it not been for my commitment to education, I would still be living in that two-
bedroom apartment in Nigeria, or that trailer park in North Carolina. I firmly believe we
were all meant for more, and should always work to discover and apply the best of our
ability, to exemplify the talents deep inside of us.

I mentioned geography played in our favor in Tobe’s recruitment journey. Know where
you are in relation to your target list of schools, and know where they are recruiting. Are
your target schools traveling to your area? Has anyone from your high school been
recruited recently? Is there a chance your child has already been seen? Many schools
only have a budget to recruit regionally, so you’ll have to do the traveling if your target
school isn’t going to be coming to your area. Know this upfront, and plan for it. This is,
again, something to decide as soon as you realize your child’s potential. This is your
responsibility and you will reap the benefits of your early planning. If you want your child
to be noticed, you’ve got to get him or her on college campuses, and begin early. Your
child has to be playing, then become a starter, then be on All-Conference teams, and
progressing through the system as a star athlete. If all of these things are happening,
but you are at a small school in the middle of nowhere that hasn’t had any recent high
level recruits, your child won’t get noticed unless you take them to schools to get
noticed.

You’re probably starting to realize that helping your child navigate the college
recruitment process is practically a full time job. Do not let that deter you. It is worth all
the time you have to help your child realize his or her dreams.
Chapter 6
It’s a Team Sport
Why Having a Support System is So Important

CHAPTER 6
It’s a Team Sport
Why Having a Support System is so Important

“There is no such thing as a self-made man. You will reach your goals only with the help
of others.” -- George Shinn

When your child decides he wants to seriously pursue a college football scholarship, it’s
time to assemble your very own dream team. As sporting events go, the pursuit of a
collegiate athletic scholarship is the regular season, playoff, and championship season
all rolled into one intense ongoing experience. Approach this pursuit with respect for the
process and the impact it will have on you, your child, and your family. Approach this
pursuit with a support system, a team to see you through to your finish line, what ever
that becomes for your child.

One of the lessons life has taught me is that no one can survive alone. Sure, in order to
be successful personally and professionally, you must have your own confidence and
ability. However, many of life’s most challenging and most important endeavors cannot
be done alone, and the college recruiting process is certainly a team sport. My personal
and professional network are one of the most valuable things I have built in this life. I
firmly believe each person who crosses our path is there for a reason, and often serves
a purpose in our journey. Cherish and cultivate the relationships in your life. Your family,
friends, colleagues, neighbors will each play a supporting role in the story of your life.
You will look back on this journey and recall those who stood with you and helped you
and your child achieve one of his greatest dreams in his life thus far.

Our family is very tight knit. That is not new in our household. We support each other,
no matter what. When we realized Tobe’s interest in football was serious and his talent
was special, we knew it would be a process that affected our entire family. While my
wife and Tobe’s sisters weren’t always able to accompany us for all of the camps and
school visits, they were very much a part of the process. Tobe wouldn’t have had it any
other way. Family is the most important thing to him, and it showed in how he handled
the recruiting process. Tobe was never too cool for me or his mother, and he was
always happy to have his younger sisters along for the journey. In fact, Tobe loved
anytime we could travel as a complete family during the recruiting process. I honestly
think he found comfort in having all of us along with him, in the midst of what is definitely
a stressful, uncertain situation.

Do not be mistaken. I am completely aware that many readers of this book do not have
the typical family situation to rely upon. If you do not have the support of your natural
family, then you can build your support system. As you travel your athletic and recruiting
journey, you will meet coaches, advisors, experts, mentors, other parents and athletes
who will become part of your dream team. Even for our family, there were folks I added
to our roster as we progressed through the recruiting experience. Mark Taylor
practically adopted Tobe once they began to work together, and he even had a room
set aside for him in his home, in the event he was ever in the area and needed a place
to stay. William Brown is now someone I consider a close friend and would trust with the
most personal information. Take in every moment of your child’s athletec and recruiting
journey, and cultivate the relationships that matter. I cannot promise you will get a full
scholarship offer from your top choice school, but I can promise you will need the
support of others to make it through the recruiting process. For many student athletes,
their support system extends far beyond the reaches of their traditional family unit. The
support system can include high school coaches, guidance counselors, church
members and leaders, grandparents, aunts, uncles, extended family, high school
teachers and mentors, family friends, high school friends, parents of friends, and the list
goes on. The point is that you do not have to come from a white picket fence family to
have the support system necessary to succeed in collegiate athletics. However, you do
need a support system to succeed. This cannot be done alone, nor should it be.

The support system is just as important during this phase of the athletic journey, in the
pre-college commitment, as it is in the post college commitment phase. Many kids grow
up with nothing and succeed against all odds to thrive in collegiate and professional
sports. Some kids have it all and cannot make it work. The recruiting coaches are aware
that every athlete is different, but they are also aware of the impact of the support
system and it does play a role in their decision. To put it in perspective, it may be best to
try to understand the situation from the the role of the recruiter. The recruiter is of
course looking for a star player. He is looking for the guy who will make it happen on the
field, but he cannot be a liability on campus. Imagine you have an athlete who had a
rough childhood and has a history as a gang member. Maybe he has distanced himself
from his past mistakes and has shown incredible promise in his football career. This is
extremely positive, but with a shaky background and no support system, he is a liability
for any school considering him. If this athlete has no support system to speak of
available to keep him on the straight and narrow when the pressure is high, that may
cause a recruiter to pass on him. The player with a shaky past and no support system
has to be a star, and an impact player if he wants an offer from his top choice schools.
Recruiters are looking for the best players out there, but they also are looking for
players who they know will represent their schools well on and off the field. Our dear
friend William had a player who was gifted on the field, but he had a criminal
background and needed special permission to play games with his team on the
weekend. It’s safe to say football saved his life, and somewhere along the line he was
able to identify someone who could support him as he put his mistakes behind him and
pursued his athletic career. No one is perfect, and college recruiters certainly don’t
expect high school football players to be, but they do expect humility and a commitment
to do the right thing.

Support systems are important from the school’s standpoint because, at the college and
university level, football players are often the only external branding many folks will ever
see. Many schools don’t do a lot of marketing, or if they do, it never reaches quite as far
as the results of their football team. Leave it to a rogue, ego driven football player to
land a school in the ranks of the infamous, and ruin years of a respected public relations
team’s hard work. It really is that simple. One foul mouthed football player who loses
control can spell disaster for a higher education institution. This is on the minds of every
college recruiter. You can be the proof positive of a well-mannered, respectful, desirable
ambassador in your child. Show your own humility, patience, and respect for the
process. It will go a long way, and I promise you, one day your child will thank you.

When I think specifically about Tobe’s experience, his dependence on his family support
system has likely only begun. While we may feel that we have invested far more than
we ever imagined in the simple act of securing his college football scholarship offer, the
real test has yet to begin. Tobe certainly has the potential to become a starter at
Stanford, and if that happens, the scrutiny will rise. Tobe’s every move, on and off the
field, will reflect back on him and his school. Stanford is aware of this and I can assure
you their assessment of our family was a significant part of their decision to make him a
scholarship offer. Tobe has the potential to become both a local and national celebrity,
and with that potential comes responsibility. Our investment in Tobe, and our honesty
with him when things are going good or bad, will always be one of the most important
things we can give him as he pursues his life’s passion in his next chapter at Stanford
University.

Your investment, and your family’s investment in the recruiting process will pay
dividends. Imagine the shared joy you will all experience when your student athlete is
enabled to play at the school of their dreams, and have the opportunity to pursue a
professional sports career. While many college athletes will never set foot on an NFL
playing field as a league player, the experience of college athletics is one in a million.
Team sports benefit students in innumerable ways, and the ripple effect certainly
extends to the family unit. You don’t have to think long to recall a star player who, upon
signing his first professional contract, paid off his family’s mortgage debt or bought his
mother a luxury car. No parent with genuine care for his or her child enters this process
with dreams of fame and luxurious cars, but it can mean a better life for many families
who have previously struggled to make ends meet.

When a student athlete enters the recruiting process, please understand that everything
will be placed under the microscope, including his or her support system. While it may
seem extreme, it absolutely makes sense that an athlete’s ability to cope with the
pressure of scrutiny or media attention will factor into a school’s decision to make a
scholarship offer. College recruiters and coaches evaluate absolutely everything. Do not
be surprised, because it is typical that a recruiter will ask the high school coach what the
athlete’s support system is like. He wants to get an idea of who the athlete is, both on
the field and off, and what his ability to cope with pressure will be. Playing, and
succeeding, at the college level, in any college, requires maturity and respect for
authority. It requires an athlete who has respect for authority and has a support system,
whatever that may be, that matters enough to him to make good decisions when the
pressure is on. Trust me, this is a factor that matters in the recruiting process.

When your child succeeds, your entire family succeeds. It is a part of our Nigerian
culture that we support and are fully involved in our children’s athletic and academic
pursuits. However, it is also simply a part of who we are. The Umerahs stick together,
and we support each other. We have family meetings regularly to discuss the highs and
lows of life. If someone is slipping, we talk about it as a family. We rebuke each other,
but we support each other as well. If you ask me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We
experience the highs and lows of life together. Our elation and joy upon the news that
Tobe had received a scholarship offer to play at Stanford may have rivaled his own
excitement. As I write this book, Tobe is in the final semester of his Senior year at
Stratford Academy, and formally committed to Stanford. Now the fun begins for us.
We’ve put in the work. We’ve traveled to games, camps, and made more school visits
than we care to remember. We’ve spent countless dollars and airline miles, and lost
sleep maintaining a summer camp schedule you might not wish upon your worst
enemy. Yet, we’ve done it together, whether we were always together physically or
simply in spirit. Now, we reap the rewards of our hard work. When Tobe was invited to
visit Stanford and had the chance to spend time with former Secretary of State
Condoleeza Rice, we were there with them. Tobe was thrilled to have his parents and
his sisters right there with him as he shook hands with one of the most influential
leaders he has had the privilege of meeting in his young life. We all put in the work. We
all supported Tobe, every step of the way. Now, we all reap the rewards.
We cannot wait to experience college athletics through Tobe’s eyes. Our investment as
a family was a wise one, and we will always have the front row seat to witness Tobe’s
ongoing success.
CHAPTER 7
Beginning The Process Of Pursuing My Son’s Dream
Your Road Map For The Recruiting Process

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” -William Shakespeare

When your child has a dream, a big dream, and you decide to pursue it, you’ll have to
make a plan. Most parents will also have to find an expert to guide them in the process.
For us, we had William and also a man by the name of Mark Taylor. Unbeknownst to
us, Mark Taylor would become one of the most influential figures in pursuing our son’s
dream of obtaining a college football scholarship to his desired school.

While Tobe was playing basketball in the AAU league, we traveled often to Atlanta for
his games. It was exhausting, and honestly, it just was not Tobe’s gift. However, we
supported him in every way that we could. As luck would have it, Tobe connected with
another player, Christian Armstrong, who wasn’t a stellar basketball player either. It
didn’t matter, because Christian was a standout football player, and he was getting
offers from major schools. My wife and I learned about this from his parents and they
told us the first thing we needed to do was meet with Mark Taylor. Mark owns his own
business as a football trainer, and thanks to his professional career, Mark had strong
SEC school ties. Mark had helped many student athletes secure their college
scholarships by preparing them for camps and evaluations, and he had a knack for
knowing when a kid had true talent. Mark was the guy that could honestly tell you if your
child would ever make it to the NFL.

We contacted Mark, and set up a time to meet with him after a basketball tournament in
Atlanta. We drove over to see him, and almost immediately after observing Tobe’s first
drill, Mark went nuts. I cannot explain it any other way. Mark was blown away by Tobe
and looked at me and said, “Your son’s life is about to explode.” Getting a response like
this from a guy like Mark was a big deal for us. Mark was a speed coach, helped run
football camps, and when he called coaches and recruiters, they listened. You better
believe we were listening. Things just changed. It was true, Tobe was going to be
recruited. Mark began talking to schools about Tobe and his world of possibilities
opened up immediately.

In the football recruiting world, once a desirable prospect appears on the radar of any
one school, all the other schools start to notice. Tobe’s first school visit was the
University of Tennessee, and he received an offer almost immediately. Soon after that,
he received offers from Auburn and Duke on the spot when he visited. For Tobe to be
receiving this number of quality offers this quickly, it spoke to his athletic ability and his
character and personality. No school wants to recruit or manage an athlete who is going
to create problems for them. It is my belief that Tobe’s quick success once we began
pursuing scholarships was due in large part to who he is, as much as his talent. These
schools saw a quiet, respectful, hardworking young man. Even today, as Tobe is in his
Senior year and has confirmed his scholarship to play football at Stanford, his top
choice school, he is still taking a full load of classes, including challenging AP courses,
and getting up at 5AM in the morning to make it to football practice. Tobe still has never
missed a game. His conduct is as stellar as his talent, and these schools noticed that.

Getting Tobe recruited was not easy. He was playing football for a small private school,
with a total of 900 students from grades Kindergarten through 12th grade. No college
football coach or recruiter was going to spend their time traveling to see a spoiled brat
at an unknown school. But Tobe had the intangibles. He loved the game and wanted to
do whatever it took to earn his place playing at the next level.

During the Summer of 2016, before Tobe’s Junior year in high school, we went to a lot
of camps. It felt like we went to all the camps. Tobe never complained. In fact, he loved
every minute of it and thrived on experiencing this new level of the sport he loved. I
remember one time we had just returned from a Georgia Tech camp, and had to
immediately leave again to drive to attend a Duke camp. When we returned from Duke,
we loaded our entire family on a plane to travel to Stanford for the first time. Tobe
absolutely showed us all through this process that he truly wanted this. I remember
thinking he must have been exhausted, but one day he pulled me aside to tell me how
he was feeling. “Dad, thank you so much. This is the best summer ever.” Tobe was
immersed in football and he could not have been happier. This is what it takes for your
child to truly excel and thrive playing higher level sports, a true love for everything about
it. The recruiting process is exhausting, but it is only the beginning. If your child is
fortunate enough to play at the college level and beyond, it will become their world.
They’ll have to dedicate more of themselves to the sport than they ever imagined, and
still find time for academics, family, and the other things in their life that matter.

For Tobe, anything that has to do with football is ok with him, and his talent and
personality shine when he is in that environment. Mark Taylor took Tobe to camps
during this process. He always commented most not on Tobe’s athletic ability, but on
his behavior. Mark believes Tobe will have a very successful college football career and
end up playing in the NFL. Tobe’s drive and character just never quit. Even after
receiving his offer and committing to Stanford in April, Tobe attended a camp in the
summer and was playing as if he was still looking for an offer. It does not matter to
Tobe. He gives his best, no matter the situation.
While we were visiting Stanford, we dropped Tobe off for orientation, so he could
experience more of the school. I will never forget getting a text from the Associate
Athletic Director telling me, “Tobe is such a good fit. He is Stanford material.” Know who
your child is, and take that into consideration as you make your list of target schools.
When you begin the recruiting process, do not waste your time and your child’s time by
targeting schools that are just not a good fit. Tobe has the work ethic, academic talent,
and attitude to fit in and succeed at Stanford. Take a step back, take an honest look at
your child, and really think about where they will thrive. There is nothing more damaging
to your child than asking them to be someone they are not. We have always allowed our
children to shine and be who they are. I remember when Tobe and I went to visit Penn
State University, they gave us the royal treatment. We had pictures made with the
coaches, and Tobe was invited to some high profile parties near the school. I
encouraged Tobe to go to those parties and get to know the other players, but he
wanted no part of it. He told me he was not a partier, and that he had nothing in
common with what would likely be going on at those parties. To this day, I am confident
Tobe knows who he is, and will stay true to that. Encourage your child to know
themselves, and allow them to be their true self. It will give them the confidence to make
good decisions, now and well into the future.

When we were making our target list of schools for Tobe, it was always Stanford and
Duke. Tobe wanted to go somewhere that would allow him to earn a degree that would
allow him to build a successful professional career, as well as a successful football
career. When Kirby Smart, the head football coach for the University of Georgia, flew
into Macon in his “Kirby Copter,” his private helicopter, Tobe was so embarrassed.
When I asked him about the experience, he told me if he had known Coach Smart was
flying in to school that day, he would have stayed home sick. Tobe’s little sister was
thrilled to steal all the attention and snag the photo ops with Kirby, but Tobe just wanted
to be quietly recognized for his talent. During our visit to the University of Tennessee,
the recruiting staff had set up billboards to welcome Tobe. He never let it get to his
head. The reality is you could have that student athlete who is getting recruited like he
will be the first string player, and then he shows up and is benched most of his playing
career. Find the right fit. It’s your job. No consultant can determine the best fit for your
child.

Tobe isn’t your average star high school football player, so our school choice was
critical for him. It’s critical for your child too. Be thoughtful and reasonable with your list
of target schools. Do not set the bar so high that you set your child up for failure, instead
know the best fit for your child’s strengths and weaknesses, and pursue those schools.
All of Tobe’s campus visits went well, and we had a very thoughtful plan. We knew
Duke and Stanford were our top schools, so we made sure Tobe had the camp
experience down so that by the time he went to his top choice schools, he was
seasoned in the process and ready. Some schools will give mixed messages because
they want you to show that you want them. We experienced this with the University of
Georgia. Mark Taylor took Tobe to UGA, and Tobe visited a total of three times, but
never really got an offer. Sometimes they are wanting you to want them. It’s so
important to be informed in this process, or it can become an emotional roller coaster of
trying to determine what the schools are thinking. By the time we got to Stanford for our
first visit, we left with them writing an article about the top ten performers at camp, and
Tobe was one of them.

You can hire consultants or companies in this process, but it won’t get you far. Getting
your child, a Division 1 scholarship offer is a combination of research, planning, hard
work, and your child’s skill and personality. There is no magic formula or professional
consultant that can make this dream come true for your family. It is a combination of
many elements and planning coming together at the right time, with the right fit for both
the school and your child. It is work, plain and simple.

When you begin the process of getting your child recruited, it all has to start with a plan.
When we first connected with William, he provided us with a checklist to allow us to plan
our approach.

As you begin your recruiting plan, you need to understand there are three critical parts
to the process. The first step is information gathering. Collect as much information as
possible. Get informed! You don’t know what you don’t know, so ask questions, read
books, search coaches and schools and camps and events online. Become an expert in
the recruiting process. You’ll be glad you did, and your child will thank you.

Timing is the second step in the process. Find out when coaches and recruiting staff are
more open to hearing from you. Know where you are in the recruiting season, and also
be aware what is happening for the school you are targeting. When Tobe and I attended
a Stanford game that was a disappointing loss for them, we had flown to California in
the hopes of getting more face time with the recruiting staff, but our timing couldn’t have
been worse. Faced with an unexpected loss, the last thing the coaches had any
capacity for was entertaining a hopeful recruit. Timing is everything, understand it and
use it to your advantage.

Understand how communication works in the recruiting process. First, there are rules
about how coaches and recruiting staff can contact you. You are ultimately trying to get
your child discovered by your target school. In order to do that, you’ll need to
communicate with confidence, and within NCAA rules, in order to get your child known
and get your student athlete’s footage noticed. Tobe was an unknown, and without our
persistence, he could very likely be playing at one of his second or third choice schools.
But, we informed ourselves of the process, we played by the rules, and we used timing
and communication to our advantage.

Once you understand that information, timing, and communication are critical to the
recruiting process, it’s time to begin. The first step when you begin the recruiting
process is to make your list of target schools. This is a critical step in the process. Make
an exhaustive list, and prioritize it beginning with your first choice, most desirable
school. As you make the list, take into account location and know which schools will be
likely to recruit you or if you will have to pursue them. Begin to explore your target
schools on social media, and follow the coaches and recruiting staff on Twitter. Find out
who your area recruiting coach is, and follow them. Get to know them in the digital
space and inform yourself as you proceed through this process. As you begin to make
your list and immerse yourself in this process, be aware of when each recruiting cycle
ends and begins. When the time is right, you’ll need to create a comprehensive plan to
market your student athlete and achieve your college athletics recruiting goal.

It’s Gut Check Time

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I will say this once more. Before you begin
crafting your recruiting plan, you need to be absolutely sure your child is fully
committed. Talk to your family. Hold a family meeting. If this is not a regular occurrence
in your home, now is the time to start. Tell everyone what is about to take place. It will
be stressful. It will take your time, it will cost money to travel and attend camps, and it
will exhaust you. It will affect everyone in your home, trust me. However, when done
right, and with the full support and commitment of your entire family unit, the dividends
are far greater than anything you can imagine. It’s time to begin. Your child is going to
play college sports.

As you begin to gather information to craft your recruiting plan, information is your
friend. Get to know everyone in the industry, every coach, every parent, every
previously recruited player you can find. Learn the criteria for the schools you are
targeting, then find a way to help your child improve those key skills. Believe it or not, all
of those schools, all of those coaches, are looking for you. They don’t know you exist,
and it’s your job to help them find your child. Imagine yourself in the coach’s shoes.
What are they looking for? What do they see when they see your child? Is he or she a
dream on the field but an absolute nightmare in the locker room? Work on that. Present
the full package when you show up to schools. Be aware of what you’re presenting,
where the shortcomings are, and overcome them before you are in front of your target
audience, the coaches.
You can inform yourself of each school and individual coach’s criteria by starting with
the high school coach. He or she may or may not be a valuable resource, but they
should be a natural conduit for you in the early phases of this process. If a major recruit
has come out of your child’s school in recent years, then your high school coach is even
more valuable. Ask them about the process, and what they saw and experienced. Ask
them what they see. Your high school coach might also be unaware and inexperienced
when it comes to high level recruits, so be aware what you are dealing with. It comes as
a surprise to many who have not experienced the recruiting process or are not familiar
with college level athletics, but the football community is actually quite small. It’s one
where virtually everyone knows everyone. Know who your personal resources are,
understand their network, and understand their reputation within the football community.

As you build your plan, know that is is possible to cultivate talent. Our friend William was
6’4” as a Freshman, so he was an early standout simply due to his size, and he had
natural athletic ability as well. An elite athlete will stand out in some way. When Tobe
began playing, at a time most would consider late, it was immediately obvious that he
had special ability. However, if your child has a strong passion, work ethic, and is
teachable, find a way to cultivate that and improve their sport specific skills. We all know
the saying, hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. Your child might also
be a late bloomer or simply in the sport that is not quite the right fit. Remember, Tobe
jumped up and grabbed the basketball rim when he was in ninth grade, and the high
school teacher that witnessed it told us there was something there, at the time we just
didn’t know what that something was. Some athletes can fall through the cracks.
Pursuing the recruiting process with a plan and a focus and a goal can mean the
difference between getting lost in the crowd, or playing and excelling at a school that is
the perfect fit for your child, and allows a promising future in professional sports.
William’s first sport was baseball, and while he loved it, football was the gift that was yet
to be discovered. Pay attention to your child. When William was running around the
bases faster than everyone else, it was a clue. Something was there.

Be the parent that gets it. Have a realistic view of your child, and know if he or she
actually has a chance. I’m not telling you to be a dream killer, but I’m also telling you to
be honest with yourself and your child. Watch for the clear signs that your student
athlete really has a chance at something bigger. Pay attention to what motivates your
child. Be humble, but dream big. Once that dream becomes a goal, it’s time to get
started.

Once you have made your list of target schools, you’ve assembled your team of experts
to guide you through the process, and you’re aware of how timing and geography apply
to you, it’s time to begin marketing your child. It’s time to get active, and build a profile
for your child, on social media. In our society, your digital footprint is as important as
who you are in real life. The same is true, and perhaps more important, for your child as
you progress through the recruiting process.

Your Marketing Plan

Whether you love it or loathe it, social media is about to become your best friend. It’s
time for you, and your student athlete, to craft your online identity and begin to use
social media to market yourself as a recruit. Put aside everything you have experienced
previously with regards to social media, and what you think of each of the platforms. It’s
time to use it, and use it to your advantage. Social media will be one of your primary
communication tools in the recruiting process, because it allows your child to represent
himself to the recruiting world.

First, you’ll need to create a Twitter profile for your student athlete. Take this seriously,
and put some time and effort into this. This is your child’s digital persona, and can mean
the difference between a school or recruiter taking more interest in your child, or
passing on them all together.

Twitter is an extremely important tool in the recruiting process. Schools, coaches, and
the media use Twitter to find out about recruits, events, and general happenings in the
realm. Twitter will become as useful to you and your child as it is to schools in the
recruiting process, if you learn to use it wisely. You can learn about coaches and
schools, your child’s competition in the recruiting process, and be better informed about
everything that is taking place when you learn to use Twitter appropriately.

Before you create, or upgrade, your student athlete’s Twitter profile, do some research.
Create a Twitter account of your own and follow the schools, and their coaches, that are
on your target list. Follow the recruiting websites, and any recruiting companies or
media that are active on the social media platform. Next, follow your child’s fellow
student athletes. Pay attention to how they have set up and are managing their profile.
Note the good, and not so good. I am especially proud that this has never been an issue
for us with Tobe. He is very selective with what he posts on his Twitter account, and, it
very accurately represents him as both an athlete and a person. Social media can be
fun, and it is very useful in the recruiting process, but it also demands professionalism
and respect. Know that coaches and their recruiting teams are constantly watching the
internet and paying attention to who is active and what they are saying.

Have a conversation with your child about the use of social media and what it means for
their future. As we all are aware, when you create a public profile on social media, you
are essentially, putting your child out there for the world to see. Although anything
posted on Twitter can be permanently deleted at any time, please understand, the
permanence of social media posts. As many of our country’s business and political
leaders have demonstrated, nothing is ever really deleted once it is posted on a social
media platform, because digital screen shots live forever. When your child is ready for
the recruiting process, they are taking a huge step towards creating their best future.
This means he or she is ready to put forth the best, most mature and professional,
persona ever. Tell your child, and tell yourself as well, to put your best foot forward on
social media. Find some best practices of other highly respected and successful recruits
and athletes. Pay attention to how and what they post. Pay attention to the types of
profile and cover images they use, and the types of quotes they use. I would advise you
to stay away from polarizing issues such as politics and religion while your child is
involved in the recruiting process, and simply view social media as a way to promote
and expose your child’s persona and talent. Remember, schools are looking at the
whole athlete, not just the physical skills. I’ve said it before and it bears repeating. No
Division I school is going to make an offer to a five-star recruit who cannot control his
mouth or his emotions, either online or offline. Every one of these schools has a
professional public relations department, and the last thing they want to spend their time
on is managing a student athlete who cannot control himself. Don’t be that parent, or
that student athlete. Your recruiting journey will be over.

Content Is King
Once your child has a professional, credible Twitter account that is properly
representative of who he or she is, it’s time to start posting. From this point forward, as
you pursue your target schools, think of your student athlete as a brand. You want to
project a feeling, a persona, and create desire on the part of the schools to have your
child as part of their team. Everything your child posts on their Twitter account should
reflect who he or she is, and what he would bring to a team and school.

Post important highlights when your student athlete improves, earns accolades, or
makes news. Your child can also post about life in general, but do not over post.
Coaches want to go to your child’s Twitter account and get a good snapshot of who this
player is, and what it would be like to have them on the team. Don’t let your child’s
Twitter account become a stream of consciousness, tweeting about every meal or quiz
in the life of a star student athlete. Instead, let it be a valuable highlight reel that
motivates recruiting teams to take steps to meet your child and learn more about them,
and experience them in real life.

The ultimate goal of Twitter, and any social media your child participates in, is to
support your recruiting goal. You want to be discovered. Coaches and recruiting teams
are looking for you, so make it easy. Use hashtags and tag people, schools, and brands
where appropriate, but don’t abuse. Be aware of the reflection upon you that is created
when you associate yourself with another brand, school, or student athlete. Social
media can be a highly valuable tool, and is critical in the recruiting process. When used
appropriately and with care, you’ll be thankful your child has a Twitter profile, because
you will be able to point to the connections you made because of it.

Your Student Athlete In The Real World

Now, you have a plan with a list of target schools, and your child is active and using
Twitter to promote themselves on social media. You’re following your target schools and
coaches to learn more about their style and their requirements. You’re ready to start
meeting these people in person. Now what?

The next step in developing your recruiting plan is to identify and align yourself with
experts who can assist you in the process. I firmly believe there are no accidents, and
we were blessed to meet and build relationships with William and Mark in this process.
Had it not been for them, and their knowledge and connections, it is possible Tobe
could be getting ready to play for a Division III school next Fall, not headed for a full ride
at Stanford.

Tobe’s high school coach was supportive of our journey, but he was not an expert for us
to rely upon. He had his own family and responsibilities, and it is not in the job
description for any high school coach to assist in the college recruitment process for his
team players. Additionally, Stratford Academy had never produced any Division I
recruits, so Tobe’s coach simply had not been through the process at the level we were
about to experience, so I had to rely on experts and professionals who had actually
been there and new the key players. William was our starting point. It was the personal
relationship, and how he went above and beyond for us, that set us up for success.
Thanks to his experience as a student athlete, a collegiate and professional player and
coach, and an experienced recruiter himself, William could read the process. William
kept his finger on the pulse of what he believed schools were thinking, and advised us
appropriately.

Mark Taylor was our man on the field. Mark was the one who personally took Tobe to
the right camps, to the schools to get him in front of coaches. You won’t get recruited if
you don’t go to camps, and you won’t get recruited if you aren’t prepared for the camps.
Mark got us prepared. In this process, we had to build our own team to get Tobe
recruited. This is not a one-man show.
You’ve made your list of target schools. You know where you are in regards to timing
and geography. You’ve assembled your team of experts, and discussed with your child
what the recruiting process looks like. You’ve built your social media profile and begun
to follow the teams, coaches, athletes and influencers who can inform your journey.
Your child is ready to be recruited. Get ready for a wild ride!

CHAPTER 8
A New Normal In Our Life
The Recruiting Timeline

CHAPTER 8
A New Normal in our Life - The Recruiting Timeline

It’s a tongue in cheek expression, but you may have heard it said that “Normal is just a
setting on the washing machine.” While there may be some truth in the saying, and you
should always be prepared for the unexpected, especially in the recruiting process,
there are some hard and fast milestones you can prepare for and expect. There are
both physical and emotional preparations you can make for each of these milestones,
and each has its own weight depending upon where you are in the recruiting process.
You will want to be prepared for each milestone in the recruiting timeline and you also
want to understand what your college recruiter or coach is experiencing and thinking at
this time as well.

National Signing Day for graduating high school Seniors takes place the first
Wednesday in February. Some early commits, such as Tobe, will commit and sign in
December, but for your planning purposes, National Signing Day should be your target
as you prepare for the recruiting process. As an underclassman entering the recruiting
process, you are in what is prime time for college football recruiting.

When National Signing Day takes place and you are an underclassman, time is of the
essence. It’s time to get your mental and physical game on point and know where you
stand. Are you a legitimate Division I recruit, or do you need to shift your sights to a
lower Division? Are you a legitimate recruit, but just not on the radar of your first choice
school? Now is the time to devise a comprehensive plan and prepare for the road
ahead. It is time to get your student athlete out in the recruiting market place and make
coaches and recruiters aware of his skills and college goals and desires. Your frame of
mind as an underclassman at this point in the process should be focus and exposure.
Focus on your goals, the schools and position you know you are best suited for. Focus
on developing your strengths and improving your weaknesses. Now is the time for high
exposure for your athlete. It is imperative, even if there is still work left to do with your
child’s academic or athletic development, your target schools are aware of your child.

When National Signing Day arrives, as an underclassman, this is when you should be
focusing on getting bigger, faster, and stronger. At this point in the process, if you are a
legitimate Division I prospect, you would already be aware and have heard from
recruiters. If you have not had communication from recruiters or coaches at this point in
the process, it is time to find out why. If it is because you are not at a level to be
recruited by your target schools, do a personal assessment. Does your child possess
the size, skill, and academic ability to gain entry to his top choice school? If so, or if not,
now is the time when you have the ability to make course corrections. If you have
received communication from recruiters or schools indicating there is interest in your
child, it is up to you to maintain a flow of communication and stay on the radar. The
recruiting process will feel as if it flew by in an instant, yet it can feel never ending while
you are in the midst of it. Remaining focused and committed to your goals can ensure
you do not lose sight of your plan as you proceed through this process.
When National Signing Day arrives and you are an underclassman athlete, check in
with your own process. Are you on the radar of college recruiting coaches? If you are,
assess the level of communication and be honest about the sincerity of their interest. If
you are not, what can you do to increase the flow of communication or interest in your
child’s ability? Perhaps it is skill improvement or development, or perhaps it is simply a
matter of exposure and face time. Ensure you have a well-made highlight film
showcasing your child’s athletic highlights. As I have mentioned before, the hardest
thing for a college coach to do is actually see your child, and the highlight tape is a
critical tool for both you and the recruiter. It allows you to showcase your child’s best
performance, and allows the recruiter to see your child in action and receive validation
of their ability. Simply put, it’s a résumé of their accomplishments and proof of their
athletic ability.

The recruiting process is much like a marketing project for you and your child. You are
packaging a brand and a product, your child’s athletic ability, and working to land the
interest and commitment of your chosen school. In this experience, the recruiting coach
is your ultimate target. It is important to know and understand your target when you
prepare for success. When you understand what the recruiting coach is thinking and
experiencing at each point in the recruiting timeline, you are better able to provide him
with the information he needs to make the best decision. When National Signing Day
arrives, and you are an Underclassman, your target school’s recruiting coach is
relieved. He is thrilled the recruiting season is over. At this point in time, he will begin to
craft his recruitment list for the new recruiting cycle. His network of high school coaches
from previous successful recruits serve as his base for exploring and discovering “the
next Tobe Umerah.” He will also spend a lot of time online, perusing social media,
recruiting websites, and recruiting film to familiarize himself with the underclassmen who
are marketing themselves for the coming year’s recruiting cycle. You should be visible
and available now if you are an underclassman.

Post Signing Day

Immediately following National Signing Day, the next milestone in the recruiting timeline
is the post signing day active window. This is not an official event, but it is a time period
that you should be aware of and prepared for. This time period stretches from mid-
February, immediately following National Signing Day, to approximately April 14. As an
underclassman, this is the time when you should be gathering information. You have
your target school list, you have your marketing plan and your highlight tapes prepared,
and you know who your target is. Gather information about your top choice schools and
learn who the recruiting coaches are. Make it a point to be regularly active on social
media and follow the coaches at your target schools. Prepare and send emails to your
target schools’ recruiting coaches and share your highlight tape showcasing your best
accomplishments on the field.

In the post signing day period, you should consider and plan for the schools you want to
visit in the Spring. When the recruiting process starts back up, it will be time to begin
school visits and go to camps. Use this time period to do your research and get ready
for exposure on the college stage. Your list of target schools should be organized, and
your camp and school visit plan should match your list of targets. Remember, if a coach
cannot put his eyes on you, it is virtually impossible that you will get recruited. Make
serious consideration of the schools that have shown early interest in your child, by
reaching out to your high school coach. If you have not received early interest, again,
reflect on your journey and your efforts and determine what can be done. Perhaps you
are not receiving interest because recruiters are not aware of your child, or perhaps
your child does not meet the minimum requirements for the school or position.
Determine as early as possible if the gap can be met, or if you should adjust your plan
and move on.

In the post signing day period, your student athlete needs to ensure they have filled out
questionnaires for all of the schools he is interested in. There are certain checks and
balances in the recruiting process that must be met and ensure your student athlete is
accounted for. Don’t miss out on an opportunity because of a paperwork or organization
issue! Have your child fill out questionnaires for any schools that have shown interest in
you, and for any schools that are on your initial list. As you progress through the
process and schools are eliminated and added, ensure these questionnaires are
completed. Follow and engage with your area recruiter on social media. During this time
period, depending upon how active they are in the social space, you may be able to
learn a lot about the school or the process. Stay active on social media, but do not
become a pest. Allow the platform to be a useful tool to inform your journey.

Your recruiting coach has a clear plan by the time he arrives at the post signing day
period. He has mapped out his travel list to spring football practices and games and
knows who is on his early recruiting radar. Ideally, you want to be on this initial list,
especially if a Division I school is on your target list. However, every recruiter is always
looking for the unknown, diamond in the rough athlete. Do not be discouraged if you are
not getting the early travel schedule attention of college recruiters, but let it be an
indicator of the work you have before you. If you are getting early travel attention, be
prepared! Your child should be ready to put their best foot forward during the recruiter’s
spring travel visit and land himself on the top prospect list as early as possible.
Remember, the recruiting and football communities are very small. Once chatter about
a student athlete begins, you can consider it the world’s worst kept secret.
Spring Recruiting Period

When the Spring recruiting period arrives, it’s time to get serious. From April 15th to
May 31st, it is your time to shine as an underclassman high school athlete. If you are
fortunate to live in a state that has spring football practice and games, this is a critical
time period for your student athlete. Recruiters will be making the rounds and compiling
their early, confirmed interest lists. Your child should focus on improving his academic
and athletic skills. Maintain focus on the recruiting process and stay in tune with chatter
and interest at your target schools. Who are the recruiters visiting? What recruiters have
visited or plan to visit your school? Capitalize on the opportunity presented by the spring
recruiting period.
During the spring recruiting period, you need as many eyes on you and your highlight
video as possible. If you are in an area where the recruiters will be traveling, ensure you
are able to get the necessary exposure. If your child is unknown, or not playing at a high
school that has had recent high level recruits, it’s up to you to command the attention of
the recruiter. Now is the time when you want as many evaluations of your skill set as
possible. If there is opportunity for improvement or course correction in your recruiting
plan, now is the time to make yourself aware of those changes.

As the spring recruiting period proceeds, make yourself aware of the landscape of your
competition. The level of early recruiting traffic you will get can depend highly upon your
geography and the number of previous high level, or Division I, recruits that have come
out of your child’s high school. If your child is playing for a school that has not previously
produced Division I recruits, there is very little awareness or interest on the part of the
recruiting coach to visit your school in the spring. However, this is the time when you
can use social media and your own personal outreach to make your target schools
aware of your child and get on their radar as early as possible. At the end of the day, it’s
up to you to create awareness and be discoverable by your target school. Have a
conversation with your high school to understand what recruiting activity, if any, you can
or should expect at your child’s school. Once you understand your personal recruiting
environment, you are better suited to purse your own goals.

During the Spring recruiting period, recruiting coaches are on the road. They have a
detailed plan of attack based upon the early intelligence they were able to receive
following National Signing Day. Recruiting coaches are busy at this point! They are
meeting with as many high school coaches as possible, attending as many school
practices and spring games as possible, and absorbing as much information as
possible. Recruiting coaches are asking questions and doing everything possible to
ensure they are aware of each and every prospect available. During this period, you
child can be looked at by the recruiting coach to confirm height and weight, especially
for Division I and elite schools where size is a critical qualifier. The recruiting coach can
be expected to travel to the obvious areas where Division I recruits are typically found,
but he will also travel off the beaten path to discover an unknown athlete if he has
reason to believe it will be worth his time. No matter your location, now is the time to
ensure you are visible, and in the right place at the right time. Get on the recruiting
coach’s travel schedule or radar now, and prepare for him to see your child in person.

Summer Camps

Beginning in June, and continuing through August, it’s camp season. In the recruiting
process, summer camps are a key tool for both the recruiting coach and the student
athlete. It is time for the recruiting coach to get extended awareness of recruits and their
abilities. For the student athlete, it’s time for you to shine! Make your camp schedule
and get ready. Your camp schedule should reflect your goals, which you outlined in your
initial plan and checklist. If you want to get recruited by a school, you simply must go
there. There is no substitute for getting your child on campus, and summer camps are
your opportunity.
Approach summer camps with a purpose. You have to be honest with yourself about
your child’s size and abilities. Know who you are, and who will have genuine interest in
your child. Make your summer camp plan based on your target schools, but be informed
about your own prospects at those schools before you spend your time and money to
travel there. Do not put your child in the position of attending a massive camp, teeming
with athletes twice his size, when he would be better suited for a camp at a different
school where he can succeed. Allow the communication and evaluations you have
received thus far in the process to inform your summer camp choices.

Many summer camps can be overwhelming, especially if you are targeting a Division I
school. Consider all the factors involved in getting your child recruited, including
geography, and your child’s size and ability. Camps can be incredibly intimidating and
can derail your child’s progress in this process if he is not prepared. Be thoughtful with
your camp choice, and ensure your child is both physically and emotionally prepared.
You should approach summer camp like a championship schedule. This is your playoff,
and you want to survive to the finals. Be prepared for a challenge, regardless of your
perceived profile as a student athlete. You know the saying, there is always someone
bigger, faster, and more athletic. I might take that a step further and tell you that
“someone” is going to show up against your child at a summer camp. Do not let this
surprise or rattle you, be prepared!
Have a logical summer camp plan based upon your geography, your target schools, the
interest your child has received thus far, and your child’s ability and qualifications. Write
out your summer camp plan and ensure it is something your child, and your family, can
endure physically, emotionally, and financially. Summer camps are not free or cheap,
but they can be a worthwhile investment in the recruiting process. Having said that,
summer camps are not a guarantee for an offer from your top choice school. Rather,
camps are another element in your plan to achieve your top choice offer. When you
devise your summer camp plan, ensure the schools you are visiting are a good fit
academically. Do not waste your time attending camp at a school your child cannot earn
academic entrance to. Consider your invitation level at the camps you are planning to
attend. Your camp experience will differ based upon whether you were invited or are
simply showing up with little to no contact with the recruiting staff. A gifted athlete who is
a perfect fit will shine no matter who has communicated with him. However, set yourself
up for success by making every effort to gain exposure to the recruiting staff prior to
your camp visit. Every effort you can make to help your child break through the fray of
the year’s recruits will be time well spent.

The recruiting coach loves summer camps, especially on his campus. Nothing is more
valuable than getting a recruit on campus and getting extended exposure and time with
him. The recruiting coach will be looking for and seeing many, many potential recruits
during camp, so make it your goal to stand out. Following on campus events at his own
school, the recruiting coach will attend other camps and events around the country and
region to evaluate as many prospects as possible. You should know, the recruiting
coach’s goal is to find you. Your job, then, is to be found.

The recruiting process can be an unpredictable roller coaster ride. Yet, armed with
credible information about the process and expected timeline, you can approach your
child’s goals with confidence. Know and understand the hard and fast deadlines in the
recruiting process, and use them to your advantage. Know your target market, the
recruiting coach, and provide him with the information and exposure to your child he
needs to make the best decision as early as possible. You will find, with information and
communication, the recruiting timeline can be a smooth process for your future college
athlete.
CHAPTER 9
Taking Tobe on a dog and pony show -
School visits, Prospect Camps, and why they are so critical to the recruiting
process.

“Be true to the game, because the game will be true to you. If you try to shortcut the game, then
the game will shortcut you. If you put forth the effort, good things will be bestowed upon you.
That’s truly about the game, and in some ways that’s about life too.”
-Michael Jordan

Tobe’s journey through the recruiting process, and the end result we achieved, was not
common. It is not typical for an unknown, relatively new athlete, to receive more than
twenty offers and ultimately receive a full scholarship to his first choice, Division I
school. Many people who know recruiting will tell you that never happens. As a matter
of fact, many that I trusted and enlisted as my advisors told me to move on from
Stanford, because it wasn’t going to happen for Tobe. However, I persisted. It’s just who
I am. Every good thing that has happened to me and my family in my life has been the
result of determination and hard work. While we have been blessed beyond measure in
our life, nothing has been given. If you did not know it by now, I am a firm believer in the
value of hard work. There is no substitute for a plan, commitment to your plan, and
dedication to a desired end result.

At this point in the recruiting process, this is really where the work begins and where
you, as a parent, must be fully committed to guiding and supporting your child through
the process. They cannot do this alone, and they need you. What many parents do not
know is that the recruiting process is an evaluation process, and it is a two way street.
Coaches and schools are evaluating you and your child, and you should be evaluating
them as well. Your goal in the recruiting process should be to receive an offer for your
child to the school that is the absolute best fit for them. You want the best fit with
regards to team dynamics, academics, geography, and overall feel of the school.
Nothing could be worse than to go through this process with your child, receive and
accept an offer, only to find out later that the school simply is not a good fit. How do you
avoid this? Be an active participant and treat this as an evaluation process on your side,
not just on the coaches’ side.

Camps, combines, and prospect visits are critical to the recruiting process. If your child
is known or unknown, it is absolutely imperative that they get on campus of the school
or schools you are hoping to receive an offer from. It’s the “dog and pony show”
because it’s your opportunity for you and your child to showcase your very best for the
school and coaching staff. It’s also the school’s opportunity to wow you, and gain your
emotional attachment to the school and its team. As a college coach, the hardest thing
for them is to actually get a prospect on campus. Within the rules of NCAA, there are
limits to how and when a Coach can pursue your child, so it is up to you to lay the
groundwork for their evaluation and discovery by their target school.

As you are reading this, you’re beginning to understand the natural progression of the
recruiting process. At this point, when you are exploring and planning your camp and
combine trips, you’ve been given some feedback from someone about your child. There
has likely been some communication between a college recruiter and your high school
coach about your child. He or she has exhibited measurable, such as height, weight,
and speed, that have garnered interest. Perhaps you followed my advice about building
a smart social media profile and posted some credible film showing your child’s gift
online. A recruiting coach saw it, and now there is interest. It’s time to get on campus
and let all of those interested coaches and schools put their eyes on your child.

As you begin the camp process, for many athletes, the progress, in either direction, can
be swift. The reason for this is that certain criteria will immediately either qualify or
disqualify your child for certain levels of schools. If you had a particular Division I,
championship school in mind, yet you show up at a camp and your child is physically
dwarfed by the other prospects vying for the same position, you’ll need to look to other
schools. Many kids and parents will fight the process and what they see at camps,
saying, “I’m going to be the exception.” Don’t kid yourself. The “Rudy” story you hear in
the media is extremely glorified and just does not happen for us, the average families
going through the recruiting process. Yes, you’ll always heard about the walk-on who
caught the championship winning ball, but that’s because it is an extremely rare story
and everyone loves the underdog. Don’t approach this process as an underdog. Know
your child’s qualifications, and get them to the schools where they are most likely to
succeed.

You’ll find out about prospect events on school campuses from your high school coach,
by word of mouth, and through the internet. When recruiters come to high schools to
watch athletes, they’ll leave on campus event information. However, if your child is at a
school that is not frequented by college coaches, because there weren’t any recent high
level recruits, you’ll have to find out about events at the school or schools of your
choice. Expect camp information to come out in the Spring of each year, and expect to
attend multiple camps. Every school runs them, and there is a cost involved. While it is
an opportunity for schools to see more athletes and get you on campus, it is also an
opportunity for them to make money. You may not be able to attend every camp that
you desire, so be strategic with the ones you attend, and make sure our child is
prepared.
Camps are beneficial to both the school and prospective athletes. The hardest thing in
this entire process is ensuring the right coach gets eyes on your child at the right time.
You want as many eyes as possible on your child, because there is never a guarantee
that the recruiting coach you encountered at your child’s high school is actually the
position coach for where your child wants to play. The ultimate evaluation of each
student athlete comes down to the position coach, and the best way to get in front of
that person is at a camp on the school campus. School camps are an incredibly
valuable opportunity for the entire staff to get their eyes on your child, and it is
invaluable to both you and the coaching staff.

Parents, let me speak to you for a moment. When you take your child to recruiting or
prospect events, you are being evaluated as well. Coaches and schools are taking a
huge risk when they make an offer to an 18-year-old to invite them to spend the next
four years with them and pay for their education. They’re looking for clues it will be a
successful relationship, and your behavior could be one of those clues. Be available,
but allow your child to manage the situation and speak for himself. Ask valuable
questions and show genuine interest, but don’t smother or harass the coach. Don’t be
the reason why your star athlete gets put on the second choice list. Be the reason why
the coaches see something special in your child who might still need a little
development and a little extra belief and leadership. Football coaches are evaluating
everything. They’re looking at how your child walks, talks, and what clothes he wears.
They want to eliminate any poor matches as soon as possible. But again, it’s a two-way
street, so don’t be afraid to be honest with your child, or yourself, when a school you
once thought was your first choice has started to become an unnatural fit.

The Summer before Tobe’s Senior year of high school, we went to a lot of camps. It
was either myself or Mark Taylor accompanying him. I will be honest. I loved this
process, but it is not an easy one. I’ve heard the recruiting process called a patient race,
and I agree wholeheartedly with that analogy. As a recruit, you are doing everything you
can to allow college coaches to see you as many times as possible, whether it’s walking
down the hall at your high school, or doing drills at a camp or combine. The coaches
want the same thing. They want as many people on their staff to see your child, see his
or her strengths and weaknesses, and get confirmation that they are or are not a good
fit for their school and team. Everyone thinks a football coach is hired or fired based
upon his ability to coach, but I would argue it’s based upon their ability to recruit. In
order to build a winning team, you have to recruit a winning team. It’s as simple as that.

Yes, you and your child are both being evaluated, but evaluate the coach as well. Are
you comfortable talking to him? Does he treat your child with respect? Does he see true
potential in your child, and is he willing to listen? College coaches are the ultimate sales
person. They’ve built their career on being able to get the players they want to come
play for them. One of the critical skills a college coach must possess is the ability to
communicate, and negotiate, well. When a coach identifies a recruit he is interested in,
he likely knows there is competition for that recruit. It is a sales process, so don’t let the
attention, and the tactics, sway you from the target list of schools, and the original plan
you made when you started this journey.

Everything about the camp and combine experience is going back to the fact that it is an
evaluation of your child, and a chance for you to evaluate the school and coaches. Tobe
was a late entrant into the sport of football, and he was playing at a school where no
high level recruits had been. No college coach would have ever known about Tobe had
we not made the effort to get him exposure. Make sure you are aware of the reality of
your child’s physical and mental maturity and ability. Be honest with yourself, and your
child, before you begin the camp process. As you get involved in camps, it is ok to ask
questions and begin to gauge whether there is interest in your child’s ability. Coaches
want to see as many players as possible, so they will always allow your child to come to
their camp. Do not mistake a camp invitation for recruiting success. Now is the time to
ask specific questions.

You can ask a coach, “Are you recruiting my child?” Most coaches will be honest with
you, and you can learn a lot about your child’s chances from the way they answer your
questions. You can also ask how many kids will get scholarships this particular year for
the position your child is playing. This will give you an idea of the competition your child
faces, and if there is a need for their position. Tobe was not Stanford’s first choice, and
we realized that. Yet, we refused to give up. Stanford is certainly an outlier in the way
they recruit, because they are looking for Stanford kids, not just good players. In order
to be successful at Stanford, even as a football player, it requires much more than
excellence on the field. However, we knew deep down that Stanford was a great fit for
Tobe and that is why we continued to pursue their offer as our ultimate goal.

As you watch the recruiting process unfold, take not, but do not get discouraged by
offers extended or verbal commitments. A verbal commitment is one thing, but the offer
is not taken until the recruit signs. If you and your child have a school that is your
absolute top choice, and you feel strongly about it as we did Stanford, stay the course.
Educate yourself, make your plan, find and align with experts who can advise you in the
process, and put together a camp and school visit schedule. Put your best foot forward
at each school. We had a plan for Tobe to get experience at other camps before going
to Stanford, so that he was at his best by the time he got to his first choice school. This
might not always be possible based on your school choices and event timing, but it was
a strategy that worked very well for us. By the time we arrived at Stanford, the
evaluation process was normal for Tobe, and he was able to jump right in and be his
best.

Personally, I loved the school visit and camp process. It was a dream come true to take
my son all over the United States, touring schools and showing them his physical and
academic ability. I am so proud of my son and the Summer of football camps with Tobe
will always be a cherished memory for me as a father. The camps are exciting, and
being recruited is a fun, albeit stressful, process. The sport of football has grown so
much in popularity that recruiting has become even more involved than it ever was.
Every young child who has any interest in playing or learning football in America likely
developed that interest because of the NFL, and deep down wants to play in the NFL.
It’s every child’s dream. You could be in the early stages of your child achieving their
dream of playing in the NFL. Take a moment. Enjoy this. Remember this. These are
moments with your child to cherish.
CHAPTER 10
Our Roadmap For Success
How to Create a Comprehensive Checklist

Chapter 10 - Creating a Comprehensive Checklist

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.”

-Abraham Lincoln

By now you know how important education and hard work are to me. While this is a
book about the football recruiting process, and how to walk that journey with your child,
it is also a book about your child’s future. If there is anything I have learned in life, it is
that what you want to manifest is fully within your power if you are willing to envision it
and work hard to achieve it.

Before we explore the practical, more how-to side of your comprehensive checklist for
college football recruiting, let’s take a step back. You have to remember the ultimate
goal for this process. Yes, there is a short term goal of earning an offer for a full
scholarship to your child’s first choice school. Yes, many of you and your children have
dreams of them going on to play in the NFL after college. However, I want to challenge
each of you to step back and take a broader view. What if I told you the greater goal is
not to plan for your child’s future when he is twenty-five years old, but instead plan for
what his life will look like when he is fifty-five years old. Biologically, it’s reasonable to
say many of you may not be alive when your child is fifty-five years old, or you may be
in your final years, depending on the hand you are dealt in life. However, humor me for
a moment. In the grand scheme of things, your child’s football career will be over by the
time he is thirty-five years old, possibly even earlier. Why would you pour all of your
energy and effort into something that is going to have such a limited effect on his life?
What if, instead of focusing on the next ten years, you focused on the next forty years?
What if, by creating this checklist, you created a plan and goals for your child’s life that
will change his reality, and the reality of generations to come in your family long after
you are gone? What if, by taking a longer term view of your child’s future now, you set
him on a path of true success in life? That is the ultimate goal, a life well lived and your
child’s innate passions given a chance to be realized.

Tobe’s checklist wasn’t as in depth as the process detailed in this book. Tobe wasn’t
playing football seriously until the ninth grade, so his checklist was a bit different. Tobe
knew he had a gift and an interest in animation and software development, so we were
already eyeing engineering and software schools. When we first met with William and
he asked Tobe to create his personal statement for his digital recruit profile, it was
already done. Tobe’s statement was written prior to his discovery of his skill and
passion for football. It evolved, but you’ll notice his goals never changed, despite his
new found love for the sport:

“My collegiate goal is to attend an academically and athletically reputable Division IA

institution where I am able to obtain a sound education. My college preferences include
schools such as Stanford University, Georgia Tech, Notre Dame, UNC at Chapel Hill,
and Duke. I would be a good candidate for these teams because I believe that I am a
team player, and a gifted athlete who is highly coachable and unrelenting in my desire
to be better. I am humble and unassuming. I am a well-rounded athlete because in
addition to varsity football, I also play varsity basketball as a starting power forward, and
compete in varsity track as well. Moreover, I maintain a good GPA from an academically
rigorous college preparatory school.”

If you hear nothing I say, please hear this. Do not write this checklist based on your
selfish desire for your child to play in the NFL. It is a set up for failure. Some coaches
and recruiting consultants will tell you the NFL is an acronym for “Not For Long.” Most
NFL careers are short lived. Whether it’s injury or simply just the typical short tenure of
the ability to play in the NFL, make your checklist about your child, not about football. In
all honesty, your child has a better chance of landing a job on Wall Street and making
millions as an investment banker in one transaction than he does of going on to play in
the NFL. This is where the long range view will serve you well. If you remove your
selfish desire to live vicariously through your child, or remove financial burdens with
their success, you will avoid a lot of heartache, and a strained relationship with your
child.

There is nowhere else in the world like America. Here I am, a Nigerian immigrant, who
arrived in this country with less than $100. I went to school, earned my medical degree,
and am now a business owner able to enjoy a wonderful life and provide for my family
without worry for where our next meal will come from. In America, you don’t have to be
anybody to be somebody. With hard work, a plan, and dedication to your plan, you can
achieve anything you set your mind to. However, have some reserve in the process.
Don’t force your child to make a list of 25 schools because you just believe if you hit all
the camps and tweet those coaches twice per day they’ll choose you. Actually, it’s
probably the opposite. Ensure you are aware of your child’s ability, passion, and desire
for his future. Then, continue on and develop your answers to the recruiting checklist.
When this becomes about your child, and your plan to help them bring to fruition their
best future ever, it will start to click and you will find success in this journey.
Now that you understand the importance of your approach to the checklist, let’s dive
into the elements of an appropriate checklist to guide your child’s college football
recruiting journey. Once you have identified your child’s goals, and done the research to
pair those goals with your child’s skillset and passions, it’s time to become an
information gatherer.

When you approach creating your checklist, remember that flexibility is key. Recruiting
is a very fluid process, and your child’s situation, or a school’s priorities, can change
rapidly. When those changes occur, return to your list, reassess your priorities and skill
set, and adapt. It’s the best experience your child can get, to experience the ebb and
flow of the recruiting process now. When you make it to the finish line and find the best
fit in a school and team for your child, it will all be worth it. Each school is different. Each
Coach is different. You have to be flexible in this journey or it will ruin you.

The Recruiting Checklist - Questions to Ask Yourself as You Build Your Child’s Plan
1. Assess your child’s viability as a legitimate recruit. Is he a starter on his high
school Varsity team?
If yes, you are in an excellent position as a potential recruit. If you aren’t a starter, work
hard to achieve a starting position on your team. The honest truth is that non-starters on
Varsity teams simply don’t get recruited. You can find a school and a team that is a
good fit for your child, but if he isn’t starting at Varsity, he won’t get recruited for a full
scholarship on a college team.

2. If your child is a starter on the Varsity team, it’s time to put together your highlight
video.
This video should contain cuts of your child’s best and most impressive plays. Highlight
videos are critical to the recruiting process. They allow recruiting coaches to see the
true potential in a student athlete, and allow for comparative analysis to previous
players who have had success at the college level. The hardest part of the job for a
college Coach is seeing recruits in action. Develop and promote your child’s highlight
video, to earn him better visibility and raise his profile as a potential college football
recruit. The highlight video will start the chatter you want happening for your child
among recruiting coaches.

3. Does your child have a Twitter account?

Each and every football coach in America uses Twitter as a recruiting platform. If your
child is not active and maintaining an authentic, appropriate profile on Twitter, it will be
very hard for coaches to find him or learn more about him. In the next chapter, we will
go in depth on how to use social media as a marketing tool for your child in the
recruiting process.

4. Do you have a credible evaluation of your child’s football skill set?

If not, have a conversation with your child’s high school football coach. They can
provide the initial evaluation and should be able to refer you to professionals outside of
the school who can provide further assessments. Self-assessments are not appropriate
in this situation. You need an outside, credible opinion of your child’s strengths and
weaknesses, and even recommendation of the position they should target as a recruit.
Many schools saw Tobe as a INSERT POSITION but his assessment by Mark Taylor
was a different story. It helps to have the eyes and experience of someone who
understands the process, if you have this type of expert available to you.

5. What schools is your child most interested in?

As you recall, geography is a big factor in recruiting, so it makes sense to begin your
target list with those schools that are reasonably close to you. Many high school football
players, and their parents, will make the mistake of simply targeting the big name,
championship schools, with little regard for their child’s ability or educational interests. If
you are targeting a Division 1 school with a history of winning, but none of their majors
are a fit for your child’s career interests or personal passions, you are wasting your time.
It won’t be a long term fit, and if you did get that offer, your child won’t thrive at a school
where their whole self is not being cultivated. Remember, this checklist is a method to
get your child to their happiest, most successful fifty-five-year birthday.

6. Which colleges or universities are interested in your child?

It makes sense to investigate, and consider, schools that are showing an interest in your
child. Your child’s high school coach will know which schools have expressed an
interest in his or her players. Have a conversation early in the recruiting process to
understand your position.

7. Do you have a copy of your child’s most recent high school transcripts?

We’ve discussed it before; this is not just about your child’s athletic ability. Tobe had to
complete several rigorous academic entrance requirements before his full scholarship
offer could be considered official. While Stanford is certainly a school of a different
caliber, all schools will have academic requirements that must be met in order for them
to be able to make and convey a full scholarship offer to your child. Remember, you are
making a plan for your child to spend the next four years of his life at an academic
institution of higher learning. There are no substitutes or excuses that will be accepted if
your child’s grades and test scores are not on par with entrance standards.

8. Has your child taken the SAT or ACT yet?

These tests are a required part of the college entrance process. If your child struggles
with tests, or experiences test anxiety that could impact their performance on the test,
now is the time to get individualized help or enroll in an appropriate test preparation
method. If your child has taken the SAT or ACT and their scores are not where they
should be, make a plan to improve those schools and take the test in plenty of time to
report the improved scores when necessary. At the very latest, your child should take
these tests by the Spring of their junior year in high school.

9. Do you know the recruiting coach responsible for your child’s school or geographic
area?

This is not usually public information, but it is something you will need to know. It’s time
to begin communication (where appropriate) and ensure this coach is aware of your
child and their desire to play at his school. If your high school coach is not aware of who
the recruiting coach is for your situation, you can call the football office of your desired
school and ask the secretary who is responsible for recruiting your high school. While
you will be able to determine who the position coaches are with a simple internet
search, the ebb and flow of college football coaching staffs makes it relatively hard to
find out area recruiting responsibilities without asking the question directly. Remember,
you are an information gatherer, and this is about your child’s future. It is acceptable
and appropriate to find the information you need to move your child’s dream forward.

10. Which schools came to your child’s high school to recruit upper classmen last year?

Again, your job is to gather information on behalf of your child. There is a lot of potential
for your child with any recruiting coach who has already seen him play in person. The
hardest thing for any coach to do is actually see a player. Trust me, when those
recruiting coaches are at your high school, if your child has talent and potential,
regardless of his grade, he will be noticed. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to get the
information you need. Consider yourself a detective, on behalf of your child. If you know
which schools have been at your child’s high school to recruit, you can also find out how
many athletes from your child’s school were recruited and where they went. This kind of
information can give you an idea of the low hanging fruit when it comes to targeting
schools. However, remember, if the school is not a good fit for your child, it won’t be a
good experience. These are guidelines based on how the recruiting process works, but
there is a human element here. Your child is a living, breathing, student athlete with
skills, hopes, and dreams for his future. Consider the past recruits and their destination
from your child’s high school, but never lose sight of who your child is.

11. Is your child receiving any generic communication from colleges and universities?

While most of this can be considered junk mail, it is a sign that your child has made the
list as a potential recruit and is in the game as a student athlete interested in playing at
the college level. This simply means, somewhere along the live, your child has been
recommended or added to a list of potential recruits. If you aren’t receiving any
communication from any schools, it’s time to refer to your target list and begin
appropriate outreach and activity to get your child noticed.

12. How many questionnaires has your child filled out?

Each school has its own questionnaire and it’s critical you complete these for each
school you are interested in during the recruiting process. There is no harm in filling out
more questionnaires than you are interested in. First, you might find a fit you didn’t know
existed. Second, in the recruiting journey, the more lists you are on, the better. If your
child hasn’t completed any questionnaires, it’s time to get active and ensure your child’s
name is on the lists that matters, those held by the colleges and universities of
interested and potential recruits.

13. How does your child compare to other players currently playing at the college level
for the schools you are considering?

For instance, the size requirements for Division I schools is significantly different than
that for Division II and beyond. Investigate the current roster, and look at their physical
stats. If you can see who’s on the roster of the schools you are targeting, you can figure
out minimum size requirements for each school by position. Again, this is about finding
a fit for your child and setting them up for a life full of success. If you are targeting a
school that has players that dwarf your child in his senior year, it is probably not likely
he will get recruited by those schools.

As you create your child’s checklist to pursue a college football scholarship, you must
stay grounded. Be honest with yourself and your child. Playing football at the college
level is not something everyone is able to do, and receiving a full scholarship to do so is
even more rare when you consider the sheer number of high school football players
across the United States. Football is a gift to a high school student who is willing to see
it that way. It is a gift of a free college education. Not everyone who plays high school
football will be able to achieve that. However, if you are able to approach this process
with a long term vision, understand your child’s skills and passion, and find the right fit
for him, it is possible to make that dream come true. Can you make a list of twenty five
of your top choice schools? Sure you can. However, as you go through this process,
ensure your approach is balanced, with the right end goal in mind. You cannot approach
the pursuit of your child’s best future like an entrance into the lottery. Learn about your
child, understand his talents and passions, and then build your list. I have a feeling you
will thank me thirty years from now when that first statement of goals comes true and
your child is living their best life possible. Football is not life, but it certainly can be a
conduit for a better life, and that is a wonderful thing.
CHAPTER 11
This is About so Much More Than Sports, Dad
Having a Marketing Plan and Using Technology to Execute It

“Branding is what people say about you when you’re not in the room.” -Jeff Bezos

At this point in your search for information on the college football recruiting process,
you’ve made some choices. You’ve taken the time to really understand who your child
is, what ignites their true passion, and where their strengths and weaknesses lie. You
understand the importance of seeking the right school and the right team for your child,
not just seeking a championship ring or NFL career bid. By now, you understand that
this journey is about so much more than sports. You are positioning, or branding, your
child’s future. To say that this process is a catalyst for your child’s success and his
eventual career is an incredible understatement.

It’s time to think about your child’s public persona. If your child has the athletic and
academic qualifications to be considered as a legitimate college football recruit, you still
have work to do. Once the skills, test score, and GPA boxes are checked, it’s time to
work on branding your child. Now, do not be mistaken. I am not in any way asking you
to project your child as something he is not. Branding in this instance is simply creating
a public persona that allows schools and recruiting coaches to easily find and learn
about your child. You are simply creating a space to tell the story of your child, their
skills, and their goals. You are looking for your child’s one ideal target consumer - the
perfect match in a school and football team.

You are crafting a story that you will tell coaches, consultants, school representatives,
and admission officers. It’s time for you to put your child’s best foot forward, digitally, so
he can be discovered by his top choice, and best fit school. When you begin this
process, first start by researching other athletes who have been recruited, and those
who are currently in the process. Find those athletes who are doing a great job
presenting themselves digitally, and make note of best practices they use. What you
post is as important as how often you post. Pay attention to how often others are
posting content online, and the types of content they are posting. Tobe has profiles
across many of the recruiting websites, and he has a fairly active Twitter account. While
Tobe’s online presence certainly gives you an idea of his ability as an athlete, it is in no
way boastful. Before you turn your child loose to build and manage his online persona
and social media presence for recruiting purposes, take a few things into consideration.

First, be deliberate about where your child is active online and who can see his activity.
Create a public Twitter profile, it is imperative. However, never forget that it is public.
This is your child’s first chance to really operate as an adult. While any content posted
on Twitter and most social media and digital platforms can be deleted, know that
nothing is ever really deleted. Screen shots live forever. Your child’s activity and
network in the digital space are critical to his position as a recruit. Schools and their
admission teams and coaches can usually find out everything they need to know about
your child in a matter of clicks. Set up a Google alert for your child’s name. Constantly
monitor your child’s digital activity, especially what he posts on social media, and
especially on Twitter. College coaches are extremely active on Twitter, and it is a place
that can make or break a recruit’s chances with his top choice school.

Second, now that you’ve allowed your child to be active online in a strategic way, pay
attention to who he associates with. Tagging and associating other players, students,
and even brands can have an effect on how your child is viewed by potential schools.
Teach your child that he really is only as good as the company he keeps. This is true in
real life as much as it is in the digital world. Especially in the digital space, you can
experience a lot of “me too” that can either be a blessing or a detriment. Teach your
child the lesson now to associate with those who are worthy of his company and will
support, not hinder his goals, and save him a lot of heartache down the road.

Finally, once your child opens and begins posting online, ensure the channel stays
active. There is no reason for this to become an obsession, nor is this a tool for
harassing coaches and other school officials. However, especially in the case of Twitter,
it is an excellent example for your child to demonstrate his personality and showcase
his strengths and qualifications. Give your child articles and quotes as inspiration to
post, showcasing content that inspires him or motivates him. It might even be a good
idea to consider your child’s social media accounts an extension of his college entrance
exams and essays. It will all be taken into account and can be a positive tool for
securing that scholarship offer.

It cannot be said enough. What your child says online becomes who he is in the the
eyes of recruiters, coaches, and school officials. While every school is looking for the
best athlete possible for each open position, they are also keenly aware of the impact
each athlete has on their school’s reputation. Schools are marketing machines, and
college athletes are a reflection of each school’s brand, or character. No coach wants to
extend an offer to a student athlete who is a risk from a publicity standpoint. No coach
wants an athlete on his team who lacks self-control. Closely monitor, and mentor, your
child in presenting his best self both online and in person. At the end of the day, these
are kids. While they may be preparing for their first taste of true independence, they still
need your guidance and oversight. Use social media, and the other digital platforms
available to your child, to put their best foot forward.
In order to craft the most appropriate marketing plan, the first step is understanding your
audience. In this case, your audience is college coaches and recruiting staff. Connect
with those you can on Twitter. Like, comment, and share their content that resonates
with you. Ensure your child’s profile contains appropriate photography, and easy links to
his highlights and any videos you have. Make it easy, and appealing, for college
coaches to connect with your child and learn more about him. However, don’t go
overboard and become a nuisance. If you attempt to connect a few times and the
request is not returned, move on. It could be a clear sign there is no interest, and is a
gift to allow you to reassess your plan and find a better fit.

You don’t have to be a marketing professional to properly build and portray your child’s
online presence, but you do need a healthy dose of respect for the weight it carries.
Train your child to put his very best foot forward, and use digital platforms to help you
secure your child’s best future possible. As you pursue this part of your journey in
college recruiting, it’s important to remember your why. I’ll take the chance of becoming
a broken record at this point, but this is about so much more than football. You will have
to be aware of the whole picture when you begin to promote your child, and have a
balanced perspective as well.

The whole picture might not be what you had hoped it would be for your child. Do not
get wrapped up in chasing a star rating. Many consulting companies, media outlets, and
online recruiting pundits would love nothing more than to have you pursue them, pay
them, and add to their bottom line by seeking their approval or rating of your child.
However, if your child is good enough to play at the next level, the next level will find
your child.

If you are taking the advice and planning presented in this book, you will have a
balanced, strategic approach to the college recruitment process. There are a lot of ups
and downs, and certainly plenty of unknowns in this journey, but you do have some
control. If you want your child to be found, go to camps, visit schools and make sure he
is active and easy to find on social media. Remember, our dear friend William was not a
heavily recruited player and he spent his college career at a DII school. However,
William did have his chance at the NFL and went on to have a very successful
professional and post-collegiate athletic career, both as a player and a coach. It’s up to
your child to develop and exhibit the athletic and academic skills necessary to play at
the college level. It’s up to you to ensure your child has the guidance and exposure he
needs to find the school he will be most successful at as a college athlete.
Building and executing a marketing plan for the recruiting process is an excellent way to
learn more about your child and hone in on their strengths, while identifying their areas
for improvement. Remember that this process is all about your child’s future. It is not
about football. It is about discovering your child’s gift, and finding the best place to
cultivate and grow that gift into a career that will allow them to provide for themselves,
and their future family, for many years to come. There is no better investment, and no
better gift you can give, than to help your child discover and use their gift.

NOTE: INCLUDE Social Media Cheat Sheet in Appendix detailing each platform
(Twitter, Facebook, key websites) and what kind of information to include on each, how
often to post
CHAPTER 12
“Dad, I got a phone call”
Understanding When You Are Being Recruited

Tobe’s recruiting experience was not typical, in that we did not have college recruitment
as a long term goal for him prior to entering high school. After Tobe began to play in the
ninth grade, and we began to understand he had a gift, we started to think we might be
on to something. Then, the first time we met Mark Taylor and Tobe did a few drills for
him, we realized how much our world was about to change. When Tobe completed
those first few drills, Mark looked at me and I will never forget what he said. “Dr
Umerah, your phone is about to blow off the wall.” Mark was right. Schools are looking
for your student athlete, and it is up to you to make him or her discoverable.

Tobe was completely unknown when we began this process. Mark would take him to
camps or events, and recruiting teams were flabbergasted that they had never heard of
him, and that he was not on their radar. I have said it many times, there are no
accidents in life, everything that happens was meant to be. However, had we not taken
the steps to get Tobe noticed, and placed him in front of high profile schools and
coaches, his academic and athletic future could be very different.

One of Mark Taylor’s favorite sayings is “You can’t hide talent.” This is always true and
certainly held true for our journey. Even though Tobe was relatively new to the sport
compared to the kids he was competing with for offers, his athleticism set him apart. In
football especially, your child must be a football player, plain and simple. With Tobe, he
would go to camps and be exposed to drills that he had not done yet, but his athleticism
and innate skill took over. Every coach will recognize and respect that. Whether it is
football or underwater basket weaving, skill matters. In order to be recruited, your child
has to have “it”. You know what I’m talking about. For some athletes it takes time to
cultivate, but for others it just comes naturally. College coaches are well versed in
recognizing what they are looking for, you just have to get your child in front of them so
they can see it.

We knew we wanted a Stanford or Duke offer. That was our ultimate goal, and Stanford
was always our number one choice school. So, when we began the recruiting process,
my plan was to expose Tobe to as many camps, schools, and interactions with
coaching teams as possible to prepare him for Stanford. In my mind, we would work out
the kinks, and experience our lows at the other schools, build Tobe’s profile, and allow
him to get comfortable with the process before we were in front of the school that
mattered most to us. This is an excellent plan, because you are, at the end of the day,
dealing with a child. You are placing adult goals and expectations on a child. They need
room to breathe, learn, and fail. In this process, it is an ongoing journey that can change
in a single moment. Allow your child time and space to be a child, understanding that
the coaches and recruiting teams are aware of their age as well. Once your child
becomes a sought after recruit, things will change, and how they handle that attention
could mean the difference between the offer you set out to get, and the offer you had to
settle for.

Tobe received an offer at the first school he visited. His profile as a student athlete shot
into the stratosphere very quickly once we exposed him. Mark Taylor took Tobe to
Tennessee for a camp and he received an offer while he was there. They had never
heard of him, but his talent and persona when they met him were unmistakable. The
coaches knew Tobe was the athlete, and student, they wanted on their teams. Tobe
was in disbelief. I’ll never forget Mark telling me that when Tennessee’s head coach
brought Tobe in at the end of the camp and made him an offer, Tobe’s response was a
childlike “For real?” I’m proud to tell you that Tobe’s humility never changed throughout
this process. Despite his quick success, achieving our ultimate goal of a Stanford offer
didn’t come quite so easily. It was up to us, and Tobe, to stay calm and maintain
professionalism in the recruiting process.

Once your student athlete is discovered by that first school or coach, get ready. For us,
Tobe was a complete unknown. When Mark Taylor and I began to take Tobe around to
schools and camps, word began to spread. Do not be mistaken. There will be hundreds
of prospective recruits at camps, but coaches are able to spot the stars and the
diamonds in the rough. Mark Taylor will tell you today, he continues to receive phone
calls from coaches asking him to find “the next Tobe Umerah” for them. Tobe has a gift,
athletically and academically, and he hasn’t let it go to his head. Train your child to be
ready to accept that first offer, and the incoming attention when he or she becomes a
sought after recruit, with grace and maturity.

When Tobe’s potential as a recruit was discovered and his profile began to rise in the
college football community, he was the last one to develop an ego about it. It’s just not
who he is. One of my favorite stories about Tobe is one he tells himself about his first
experience as a basketball player. Tobe wrote an essay draft for his Stanford college
entrance application, and described why family is what matters most to him. He
described showing up for a basketball tournament, with no prior training, and dress
socks and goggles for glasses. Tobe’s nerdy, skinny, eighth grade self-had no pretense
in that game, because what mattered most was that we were all there in the stands
cheering for him. Tobe took it all in stride, no bruised ego for him, refueled with a hearty
meal between tournament games, and took to the court for another embarrassing, albeit
lovable performance. This story was a wonderful precursor to who Tobe was. He gave
his all, and only cared that we were there to support him.

The same has held true for Tobe as he has progressed through the recruiting process
and his popularity has increased. Make no mistake, becoming a sought after college
football recruit is life changing. However, it is not the end of the line. This process is only
the beginning, and how you and your child handle this process will mean the difference
between attending the school of your choice, and having to settle for one that is lower in
priority on your list.

Handle With Care

As much as you are traveling to schools to see if they are a good fit for your child, those
schools’ coaching staffs are looking to see if your child is a good fit for them. The
attraction, and the fit, must be mutual. Each school has a feeling, and each team has a
unique personality and vibe that makes them function. Part of the purpose of the
recruiting process is to see if your child is a fit for the personality and attitude of the
team. All of the athleticism in the world cannot make up for poor team dynamics. Allow
both your child and the prospective schools you are visiting the space, time, and
honesty to know if there is a good fit.

When there is potential for a good fit, that’s when things start to get exciting. Tobe
started to get offers one after the other after his trip to Tennessee. Then it was official.
Tobe was a recruit, and his “star” was rising. You would have never known, and I
wouldn’t have it any other way. This might be one of the things I am proudest of. Tobe
has worked so hard, both athletically and academically, and his success in this process
has not changed him or his values. Stay close to your child, and ensure they remember
who they are, and what is important to them, throughout this process. When the
popularity of a recruit starts to increase, so does the chatter and attention.

However, with attention comes scrutiny. Tobe was targeted by a recruiting reporter who
spotted him at an Auburn game after he publicly announced his commitment to
Stanford. The opportunistic reporter capitalized on the situation and took Tobe’s
excitement for enjoying a game at Auburn University for the possibility of a change in
his college commitment. While this couldn’t have been further from the truth, we had to
perform a little damage control. When you work so hard to build your public profile and
reputation, you’ll have to work just as hard to protect it. Once your child is a sought after
recruit, even the most innocent of encounters can be used against him or her if you are
not careful.
Perhaps a bit of shyness goes a long way in this process, if not a hearty dose of
humility. Tobe has never been one to seek the spotlight or boast about his talents or
achievements. We may have been blessed in that area, especially if you pay attention
to the behavior of some football stars highlighted on televised games. Tobe is the kind
of athlete who puts his head down, gets work done, and humbly accepts praise. When
you praise Tobe, it is almost as if he is embarrassed. It must be what fuels him to
continue working so hard despite his obvious success. We’ve earned an offer to his top
choice school, Stanford, yet he is still taking four Advanced Placement (AP) classes his
senior year of high school. He doesn’t have to take those classes; he chose to take
them. His career goals remain important to him, and he is well aware of the fleeting
nature of even the best professional sports career. While Tobe certainly has potential,
he knows his long-term future depends upon his academic success at Stanford, not how
many major plays go down in the record books with his name beside them.

Once Tobe became a sought after recruit, life changed drastically, but he never did.
Advise your student athlete to tune out the noise and refuse to let the attention, or even
the lack of the attention, affect him or her. This is a long, difficult process, and it requires
ultimate commitment and maturity from your child. Tobe lamented to me he wished he
had been previously aware the day University of Georgia Head Coach Kirby Smart flew
into Macon to visit him. Why? Tobe said he would have faked sick and stayed home
from school. He hated the attention. It wasn’t why he was interested in being recruited.
He just wants to play the sport he loves, the so-called fame he’s earned is a byproduct
and not what he was seeking. Tobe attracted quite a bit of attention for our small town
of Macon, and there was even some competition for his time. Two competing coaches
once planned, unbeknownst to the each of them, to visit Tobe on the same day.
Thankfully, while they were both en route to Macon, one was tipped off to the other’s
impending arrival and he decided to turn around and head home instead. A recruit can
only handle so much attention at once, and I’m thankful, but still amused, the competing
coach elected to head home. It can get overwhelming quickly, and we have to
remember we are dealing with children in this process.

Beyond staying physically and emotionally close to your child once they are an official
recruit, it’s important to also educate yourself about the rules of recruiting. The NCAA
has rules designed to protect schools, coaches, and recruits in this process. Learn the
rules and ensure you’re well within them. As a sought after recruit, nothing can ruin your
chances with your top choice school faster than a rule infraction. It is you and your
child’s responsibility to know, understand, and abide by current NCAA rules.

If I can make the point any clearer, once your child is discovered, the hardest part is
over. Now, it’s time to support them, keep them on the path toward success, and mentor
them in maturity and humility in the process. Despite the nerves, the emotion, and the
excitement that can feel like it will swallow you all whole, you must stay calm. I’m not
telling you to act as if you don’t care, but I firmly believe how you handle each step of
the process is a strong factor in your ability to earn an offer from your top choice school.
Be ready. Be humble. When the phone calls and the offers start coming in, when the
Twitter chatter gets exciting, help your child take it all in stride. Show those schools the
professional, focused, and motivated team player they desire. Show them the best, your
child’s best.
CHAPTER 13
Our Family In The Red Zone
What To Do When The Recruiting Process Heats Up

“You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.”
-Tim Allen

CHAPTER 13 (NEW)
Our Family in the Red Zone
What to do when the recruiting process heats up

“…pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take
their eyes off of you.”
-Maya Angelou

There are certain milestones in the recruiting process that you as a parent, and your
child, need to be prepared for. You may notice, especially if your child was not getting a
lot of attention to start and then is suddenly discovered, that your life changes drastically
when the recruiting process kicks in. For us, it was not a major change for Tobe
because I was personally involved every step of the way. It is only right that I would
manage this for Tobe because, at the end of the day, he is still a child. You cannot
expect your child to be able to handle the pressures of going through the recruiting
process and the emotional ups and downs of recruiters talking to him and the pressure
of maintaining his grades. I maintained the flow of communication so Tobe could focus
on school and his athletic development.

You, and your child, will definitely know it when he or she becomes a legitimate recruit.
There are some clear signs to watch for. You will begin getting some form of consistent
communication about you. It might not be every day or even every week, sometimes
even a drip means there is interest on the part of a coach. You might see your child
written about in some of the recruiting publications after you’ve attended a school camp
or combine. Pay attention to what is said. Know how many kids will be offered in your
child’s position, know if they have the major field of study your child wants to pursue,
and know if the location is a good fit.

There is a lot of pressure that comes with getting that first offer. It signals that the
recruiting process has really begun to heat up, and it means other schools and coaches
are going to take notice of your child. Remember when I told you that college coaches
are the ultimate sales men? It’s true, and like any good sales professional, they’re also
very competitive and always looking for the next best thing available on the market.
Once you receive that first offer, depending upon who it is from, it’s very likely more
offers will start flooding in. Once a student athlete is offered, he or she immediately
becomes highly desirable. It’s almost as if another coach has done the hard work,
evaluated and validated your child’s athletic and academic potential, and given their
stamp of approval. It adds instant credibility to your child’s recruiting resumé.
Understand now, in this process, you will work the hardest for your first offer, and the
offer from your first choice school. This was absolutely true for Tobe’s experience.

If you live in an area of the country where your child has the ability to play and practice
in the Spring, you could experience some recruiting activity in the last few months
before your child’s Junior year of high school is over. Many coaches and recruiters will
visit high schools during this time of year. They want to see as many potential recruits
as possible. They’ll see them on the field, and in the hallways of the school, also known
as the “bump in the hallway.” Remind your child that, if their ultimate goal is landing a
college scholarship to play at one of their top schools, their behavior and grades always
matter, all year long. You simply never know when a Coach is watching or notices what
is happening. Treat this as an ongoing job interview, and one where you have to always
have your best foot forward. It may sound extreme, but it is an excellent opportunity in
cultivating self-control and work ethic. Trust me, it will all be worth it when your child
receives that long awaited first choice school offer.

When the recruiting process starts to heat up, you’ll need something to keep you and
your child grounded. Go back to your list, the one you made at the very beginning of this
process. Remember why you started. It can be so easy to get caught up in the
excitement and thrill of receiving offers that you and your child forget your priorities. Be
prepared for how you will respond when the offers come in. Do not over extend yourself
or make the wrong, or inappropriate moves when you receive offers or serious interest
from schools. Tobe began receiving offers in rapid succession once his first offer came
in from University of Tennessee. His demeanor is so calm and unassuming, there
wasn’t much training needed to ensure he kept his cool. With each offer that came in,
he expressed genuine shock and appreciation, which fared well for his ongoing
campaign for his top choice school. Do not let your response to an early or first offer
affect the opinions of schools that may be waiting to make you an offer.

As you progress through the recruiting process, and you return to your original list, let it
be a rolling list. Be flexible with your goals, but have goals. Nothing is worse than
holding out hope for an offer that simply is not going to come because your child just
does not have the grades, the size, or the skills necessary to land his first choice
school. I will be honest with you. It will be obvious when you are being recruited, and it
will be obvious when you are not.
Some people may compare the recruiting process to dating, but I like an old saying that
William taught us, that related to the game of poker. I cannot quote it word for word, but
it went something like, there’s a sucker at every table and if you don’t know who it is, the
sucker is you. It’s a blunt way of saying, you have to be aware of yourself, and your
standing, in this process. While many things cannot be communicated directly to you
until an official offer is made, you can absolutely discern a lot from the process and the
signs you are getting.

More than likely, your high school coach and any conditioning coach you may work with
will be aware if you are being recruited. Your child will be highlighted in the media and
on social media. When you attend camps and events, you’ll get more attention than
usual. Typically, in the recruiting process, the elite players get the early offers. If your
child doesn’t get an early offer, hang in there. Keep up with how many positions are left
and pay attention to social media to ascertain as much information as possible about
your child’s competition and their interests.

Once the elite kids start getting offers, pay attention. Unfortunately, it’s true in the
recruiting process that some schools will make offers to friends of players they really
want. High school players are very susceptible to peer pressure, and coaches know
this. Imagine, your child and his best friend are joined at the hip. They have played
together for maybe as many as twelve years, from pee wee community football to high
school varsity team. They each have their top choice schools, but what if they could live
and play together for their college years? This could be a dream come true for many
high school players, and coaches are aware of this. Offers may be made as a package
deal, simply to get certain players to commit to a school because their friends are
committed there.

When the recruiting process gets intense, make sure you are aware of NCAA rules for
communicating with schools and coaches. In our experience, I could call Coaches as a
parent, but Coaches could not call me unless I requested it. Coaches cannot text your
child, and they cannot initiate a phone call. These rules are in place for a reason, and
they will negatively impact your child and all schools involved if they are breached.
Make yourself aware and do everything possible to abide by NCAA recruiting rules.

As you are receiving offers and getting communication from schools, never show your
hand in the process. In other words, you may know who your absolute first choice
school is, never communicate that publicly. You cannot know exactly how the full
recruiting process will go until all the schools you are communicating with have made all
of their offers. Be gracious and humble, and most importantly thankful, with each offer
that you receive. Never turn down an offer immediately. Your child may be holding out
for that one school that just never comes through with an offer. When this happens, you
have to return to your list again, reassess, and make new priorities. It is absolutely likely
that a school you thought you would never attend at the beginning of this process
becomes the perfect fit for you by the end. This isn’t always the case, but it is a
possibility. In my life, I’ve lived by a rule that I never remove anyone from my Rolodex,
and this absolutely applies to the recruiting process. Keep everyone in your corner,
because you never know when a relationship you cultivated may pay off.

The opportunity your child is pursuing through college football recruitment is the
culmination of a lifelong dream for many, many families. You are looking at the
opportunity to get a college education for free, to graduate from an American college or
university debt free. If it all goes as planned, your child has an opportunity to pursue a
career in the NFL and play a game loved by most of the American population. This not a
process, or an opportunity, to be taken lightly. Ensure your family, and your child,
handle this with grace, humility, and appreciation at every step of the way. Simply
making it this far in the process is more than many high school football players will ever
achieve. As you proceed through the recruiting process, take time to absorb it all and be
thankful for the opportunity.

In the process of pursuing a college football scholarship, it is possible your child does
not become a sought after recruit by any of the schools on your initial list. Unfortunately,
your child’s reality may be that he or she is well suited to play college football, but not at
a level at this time to receive a scholarship offer. It’s time to expand the opportunities
you are pursuing and cast a wider net, knowing you may not be up for a scholarship, but
instead pursue the absolute best fit in a school where you can grow and earn legitimate
playing time. Re-evaluate your list, and re-evaluate yourself and your child. If you find
yourself in the position of not being recruited, or not getting offers from the schools on
your target list, ensure your focus turns to you, and not everyone. If your child is not
getting recruited, it’s time to understand why, and what you can do about it. Perhaps it’s
skill development, perhaps it’s academic, or perhaps it’s something like size or
chemistry and sometimes those things cannot be changed. Regardless of what you
identify to be the reasons why you are not getting the offers you have worked for, stay
positive and ensure the focus remains on your child and the things you can actually
change and impact in this process. So much may be out of your control. For your sanity,
it is your job as the parent to identify, the best of your ability, which of those factors can
be affected and then move forward.

As you go through this process, there will be ups and downs, highs and lows,
successes and failures, over and over again. Our journey through the college football
recruiting process was not a straight and narrow path. We had to learn as we went,
adapt, and continue toward our ultimate goal. Some of you may come to the point
where you pursue a walk-on opportunity at a school where you cannot get a scholarship
offer. A walk-on is a legitimate recruit who may get offers from smaller schools but takes
a chance by deciding to instead enroll at a larger school for the chance at a more
successful college football career. Walk-ons are the backbone of college football. They
are the players that allow teams to practice, and they bring incredible value to schools
across the country. If you get a walk-on invitation, it does mean you are going to pay for
your education, but it could be your modified approach to playing at your top choice
school. Many coaches will make walk-on offers early in the the recruiting process. Do
not be fooled, this is not a compliment, nor is it something your child should aspire to.
You may get a walk-on invitation, which means you are going to pay for your education
Many coaches will do that early in the process, which is a red flag. It does not mean
your child is being looked at by that school as a legitimate recruit. Instead, it means they
will not get an offer from that school. Take a walk-on offer as what it is, a marker and
information. Know that perhaps there is a factor preventing your student athlete from
getting the full scholarship offer, and allow it to inform your next steps. Be gracious, but
absolutely continue your search and look elsewhere for a legitimate offer. Getting a
walk-on offer early in the recruiting process can be likened to being given a bronze
medal before the Olympics have even started. Don’t count your child out before they’ve
even had a chance to really find the best fit for them, and the school that is willing to pay
for their education in return for their athletic skills.

It is inevitable, somewhere along the way in this process, you will hit a stumbling block.
Communication with a school you have high on your list may fall off. You may find out
you’re definitely not getting an offer from one, or several, of your top choice schools.
Everything in this process is about communication. As you receive signals, be sure to
return the communication. The only tools you need to thrive, and succeed, in the college
recruiting process are a plan and commitment to that plan. As you progress through
your plan, adapt, and maintain communication with the schools that matter to you. Know
that it may become a situation where you need to find a school that does want you,
instead of using a lot of your time to pursue a school that is giving you clear signals they
are not interested. As we have discussed before, it remains critically important to put
your child out on the recruiting market and ensure the coach, and school, who are
looking for your student athlete can find him.

When you make your list of target schools at the beginning of this process, you are
looking for a match. This may be the hardest thing for a lot of parents to accept. Instead
of following a dream that may be purely emotional or based upon something you have
wanted all your life, the focus has to be different. So many factors can influence which
schools and coaches see your child, and which offers you get. There are so many
reasons to put your own wants and desires aside and understand that you are pursuing
the best match for your child, not your own desires. Regionally, geographically,
everything matters. Take the State of California, for instance. There are only two
Division II schools in California. If your child is not playing or performing at a level to be
recruited by a Division I school, and you live in California, you may need to travel
outside your state to be noticed by a broader range of schools where your child’s skills
would be a match for a scholarship offer.

This is the part in the process where the real work begins. Whether your top choice
schools are pursuing you, or the funnel of leads and communication seems to be empty,
this is the part in the process where everything matters. You have to maintain and build
upon the reputation and history your child has established in the sports and in
academics. Some schools may require interviews, entrance exams and essays, and
home visits. Some schools may require more school visits and on campus
assessments. Know the truth behind the evaluation of your child, and be prepared to
represent that, or improve where it is needed. If you lose heart, and stop being active in
the process, no one will see you. We all know what happens when no one sees you.
You don’t get any offers.

As you evaluate and proceed through the heat of the recruiting process, always be
willing to self-reflect and be honest. Be honest with yourself, and with your child. Maybe
the top choice school you’re after, in our case it was Stanford, is just taking a long time.
Perhaps their process is rigorous and they are taking every precaution to ensure your
child is the perfect fit, on the field and off. Or, perhaps your child isn’t a fit and the top
choice school you’ve been targeting has moved on. It’s time you moved on too. Move
on while you still have the opportunity to adjust your plan for success. Do not dwell on
the schools that are not dwelling on you. Find the right match, for your child, for their
future. Evaluate your communication activity. Have you been emailing coaches? Have
you been strategically active on social media? Are you making it easy, and desirable to
communicate with you and your child? Are you spending time on the right school
campus and cultivating the skills necessary for your child’s position? It seems like a lot,
and it is. I can tell you today, and I will say it for the rest of my life, every single minute
and every single investment I made in my son in the recruiting process paid off. Be
prepared. It is not an undertaking for the faint of heart, or someone looking for an easy
road. The recruiting process will heat up, and it will be stressful for everyone involved.
However, when you achieve your goal of finding that school, the one where your child
will grow and thrive, it will all be worth it.
CHAPTER 14
My Boy With the Big Boys
Combines and Football Camps

CHAPTER 14 - My Boy With The Big Boys: Combines and Football Camps

Every athlete’s journey through the college recruiting process will be unique. It will be
unique because each athlete is unique. He or she has strengths, weaknesses, dreams,
goals, and plans that are unique. Of course, there are best practices and experiences of
successful athletes who have traveled this road before your child than you can lean
upon for learning. However, it is critical in this process that you see your child for who
he is. See him and his skills set. See his goals, not only your own. See his dreams for
his future. This process has to be about your child, and about his future.

Your child must attend camps to be recruited for a college scholarship. It’s a simple fact.
There is no way around it. You could have the next “Johnny Football” living in the
bedroom next door to yours, but if he isn’t out getting exposed to the coaches and
schools who are so desperate to find him in their search for that championship trophy,
it’s as if those skills don’t even exist.

Tobe had to be discovered. He wasn’t like the kids you typically hear of that get a full
scholarship to college to play football. Tobe starting playing football in his sophomore
year of high school, not at the tender age of one like many prodigies you hear of. Of
course, very soon after Tobe began playing, we knew we were on to something. When
we asked questions of Tobe’s friend Christian’s parents after noticing his rapid physical
progression, we were introduced to Mark Taylor. As soon as Mark met Tobe, his future
college career took off. Why did it take off? Mark had the connections and knowledge of
appropriate events to get Tobe exposure. Exposure is critical. I’ve said it many times
throughout this book, but it bears repeating. Schools are looking for your child. It is your
job to make sure your child can be found.

Tobe’s first camp was in June of his sophomore year. As soon as Mark Taylor saw
Tobe, he began calling around, promoting him, and getting him ready. Mark was training
Tobe, getting him accustomed to the drills he would experience at camp, and the
pressure he would be expected to perform under. Tobe is a naturally gifted athlete, as
we discovered very quickly, and he adapted very quickly to the training volume Mark
placed upon him. Tobe’s first camp was at University of Tennessee. It was at this camp
that Tobe received his first offer.
The first offer for a college football scholarship is the gateway. It is literally the catalyst
that opens the floodgates of your child’s potential in this journey. Once one school
discovers an athlete, all the rest of them follow suit. The search for the next star player
is never ending, and every school wants to land that diamond in the rough no one was
expecting. Every year, especially in college football, the championship trophy is within
reach. Every coach knows this, and their pursuit for the best athletes available is
relentless. Make their job easy. Send your student athlete to camp.

Prospect football camps are huge in the college recruiting process, plain and simple.
There is no substitute for college coaching staffs to see your child in action, against
other potential recruits, on their campus. There are camps run by schools and camps
run by some of the biggest names in athletics. However, be forewarned, the only way to
get recruited is to attend school sponsored and produced camps. You can pay to attend
the big name, brand name camps, but if you are not getting your athlete on campus in
front of the coaching staff of the school you are targeting, you are wasting your time and
money.

Camps are open for any athlete to register and attend. When we first began this
process, I registered Tobe for Duke and Stanford camps because our focus always has
been on the stronger academic schools. When we first connected with William in our
college recruiting journey, he told me about camps and the importance of attending
them for exposure for Tobe. William told me the recruiting teams at camps would treat
Tobe “like a piece of meat” and prepared us for what we could expect. I cannot imagine
going through this process without the advice and guidance of folks like William and
Mark who eventually became dear friends of mine. Regardless of what we were to
expect at camp, Tobe’s natural talent shone through. Immediately following Tobe’s
University of Tennessee camp experience and subsequent offer, things took off for
Tobe. No sooner than we had arrived home from the camp than recruiting websites
were writing articles about him and we were getting word that other D1 schools were
expressing serious interest in him. Tobe was fearless at camp. He would find out who
the biggest name, most hotly pursued recruit was, and he would line up against that
athlete. Tobe knew what he wanted, and he knew he had to shine his brightest to get it.
There is no better way to up your game than to place yourself among the best in your
field. That’s exactly what Tobe did, and they payoff was almost immediate.

Tobe was given an invitation to the San Antonio Texas US Army All American Combine.
I wasn’t sure exactly what this invitation meant, and at the time Tobe was still playing
basketball for his school. I asked Christian Armstrong’s mother, Tobe’s good friend and
fellow athlete, and she filled me in. As it turned out, this invitation was quite the honor,
and was a showcase for underclassmen before the bowl game. Upon learning what an
honor and opportunity this combine was, I had Tobe turn up the volume on his training.
Tobe began incorporating cross-fit style training with a former police officer into his
training and he soon was in the best shape of his life. Tobe arrived at the San Antonio
Texas US Army All American Combine in prime physical and mental shape and went
home with the Defensive MVP title. In fact, this feat was such a surprise, Tobe had to
wake me from the hotel room to come down to the closing ceremonies and witness him
accepting his MVP award. I had traveled to the combine with Tobe and had finally
settled in for a little rest when he called up to the room and said “Dad! Get down here! I
won an award!” Tobe’s MVP award at the combine was a shock to all of us, including
Mark Taylor, but you can bet he earned it. Tobe’s work ethic and insatiable desire to
perform well under pressure were on display that weekend, and he was deserving of the
MVP honor.

The San Antonio combine was a wonderful lesson to us all, on many fronts. For Tobe, it
was his chance to perform under pressure, on a much bigger stage than he was
accustomed to, and against a higher caliber of athlete than what he was normally
competing against. However, it was a lesson for me as well. I had my doubts about the
combine and if Tobe should go. There are so many instances where companies are
simply trying to take advantage of a student athlete’s pursuit of their goals, and their
parents’ emotional and financial support of that pursuit. This, however, was not one of
those times. Had I not spoken with another parent who was aware of the weight of this
event in the college recruiting process, we may have passed it up in favor of a local,
school sponsored basketball game. Always keep in mind the true intention of those
whose advice you seek. It stands to reason that any high school athletic coach would
advise you to never miss a school game. Sure, you want your child to be a team player
and uphold their commitment to their high school team. However, remember that a high
school coach is only looking as far as the end of the current season, and the beginning
of the next season. Your goal is much bigger. You are looking to your child’s future.
Your child’s future is much bigger than a high school athletic season. Do your research,
be informed about the advice of others, and make balanced decisions based on your
true end goal.

This experience is a delicate balance. You have to advocate for your child, for yourself,
and yet maintain delicate relationships with the support system surrounding your child’s
athletic journey. Before Stanford would make Tobe an offer, they spoke with his high
school coach. They wanted a true assessment of Tobe’s ability, and his persona, both
on and off the field. A college football scholarship offer is a huge risk for a school. It’s a
bet on an eighteen-year-old athlete who may not fully understand the gravity of what
they are capable of.
No matter how unfair it may seem, politics and personalities will be a factor in this
journey at some point. If you cannot maintain amicable relationships with your child’s
high school coaching staff, it could seriously hamper his or her ability to get the
scholarship offer they desire from their dream school. Yes, those high school coaches
are extremely present minded, but they are still a critical component of your child’s
success in this journey, even if it is only in the sense of the evaluation that is requested
of them. Many parents make the mistake of thinking it is the high school coach’s job to
get their child exposure, and it leaves them with a very bad experience. Your child’s
high school coach only has one job he has to do, and that is win high school games. Of
course there are coaches, and many of them, who go the extra mile and ensure the
athletes who play for them get every chance at a future in college and professional
sports. However, do not treat this journey as if it depends upon your high school coach.

You are your child’s number one advocate. You know them better than anyone. You
were created for this job, and you are the one best suited to help them find and pursue
their true passion to create the brightest future possible for themselves. You will hear
stories as you go through this journey about other student athletes who had or have
incredible talent, yet they are not getting any scholarship offers. I can tell you the reason
is simple; they aren’t putting the work in to get the necessary exposure that results in an
offer.

Approach the college recruiting journey as a mission, and one in which your feelings
cannot be a factor. When your child is overlooked or denied by the school of their
dreams, you cannot take it personally. It is simply feedback in a journey that will
hopefully ultimately end in a scholarship offer. Take the feedback, use it as an
opportunity to improve, and continue toward your goal. This is a journey that requires
thick skin, dedication, and nonstop adaptation. Your top choice school isn’t going to
make you an offer? Great, time to update your target list and reassess your plans for
school visits and camps. Maybe there are schools you hadn’t considered that now are
much more appealing with your former top choice out of the picture.

If your child wants to land a college football scholarship, attending school based camps
are critical. You cannot get the exposure, and make the impression on college coaches
that has to be made without attending camps. Parents, it is your job to prepare,
accompany, and advocate for your child throughout this process. Schools are watching.
Coaches are watching. They are taking a risk and they want every reason they can find
to feel good about their choice. Take your entire family when you can, we did. When
you involve the entire family in this process, it tells the whole story of your child as a
person, not just an athlete. Your ability to cultivate, guide, and bring your child’s dreams
to fruition in this process mean more than anything you will ever do. Imagine the
gratitude your child will feel, and the personal satisfaction you will experience as a
parent, when your child is living their passion in a place they love to be. There is no
greater gift, and we as parents are so lucky to have this opportunity to give this gift to
our children.
CHAPTER 15
Tobe Won’t Stop Here: Chasing the NFL Dream

“There is no passion to be found playing small in settling for a life that is less
than the one you are capable of living.”
Nelson Mandela

As I write this, Tobe is preparing to walk at his high school graduation. As his parents,
we could not be more proud of him. Tobe has worked incredibly hard, especially for the
past four years, to create a future for himself. Tobe is headed to play football at Stanford
University on an athletic scholarship. You might say that’s a dream come true, and you
would be right. However, Tobe won’t stop here. For Tobe, this is only the beginning. It
might seem counterintuitive that I would tell you, at the end of a book about helping your
child obtain a college football scholarship, that obtaining the scholarship is only the
beginning.

However, this really is only the beginning for Tobe. He is an incredible young man,
about to begin one of the greatest adventures of his life, his college career. This is what
we have worked for, the chance to give Tobe the greatest opportunity and the best
future possible. We’ve taught Tobe that character, hard work, and education matter.
Tobe has been listening. As parents, it’s graduation for us as well. Parenting is a lot of
work, but I would argue it is the most rewarding work you will ever do. There is no better
feeling than accompanying your child as they celebrate their past accomplishments and
take steps to pursue their next big goal in life.

What is Tobe’s next big goal? Well, he is very excited to play football for Stanford.
However, he is also equally excited to pursue his education and his passion for software
engineering. Do we think Tobe will play in the NFL? We think Tobe is only limited by
what he thinks is possible for himself. All along, as Tobe was going through the college
recruitment process, Stanford was his first choice school. Tobe had the usual concerns
of, “Will I get an offer,” but his heart and soul were focused on going to Stanford. Why
Stanford? It’s really very simple. Tobe has a broader view of his future that goes beyond
the next four or five years. Yes, Tobe would jump at the chance to plan football in the
NFL. However, if he pursues that goal, he knows it is not the end, and not the ultimate
goal for his life. Tobe knows the skills, and the relationships he will learn and build at
Stanford will be what set him on a course to his best future yet. Tobe knows he isn’t
stopping here, and he won’t stop at the NFL, either. Tobe is a young man with big
dreams and the audacity and work ethic to pursue him.
Let’s talk about the NFL dream, especially from a parenting and player’s perspective.
The odds of making it to the NFL are not good. In fact, the odds are grim. Current
statistics show that less than 4% of draft eligible Division I NCAA players actually make
it to the NFL. By the way, do you know the “other” definition for the NFL acronym? I’m
hesitant to tell you, but it’s “Not for long.” This may be a difficult dose of reality for some
of you reading this, whose children have a gift for the game of football. However,
sometimes reality is exactly what we need to set ourselves up for true success. When it
comes to college football, and the prospects of playing for the NFL, yes, there is a
chance of making it. However, the chances of instead leveraging the tangible and
intangible skills your child will learn by playing this beloved game and taking those skills
on to create a life and a future for themselves is far greater.

You may be tired of hearing it, but this is not a book about football. This is a book about
education. This is a book about the importance of parenting in a child’s life. This is a
book about putting your own needs and desires aside and selflessly supporting those of
your child. This is a book that will empower you to guide your child to his or her best
possible higher education opportunity. This is not a book that is going to sell you an
unobtainable dream.

You are not alone. The NFL dream is a popular one. You can safely assume that each
and every child who puts on a football helmet wants to eventually play at the
professional level. However, a dream is only a dream without a plan. It’s when you put
thoughts, actions, and goals behind that dream, that you will begin to experience it
coming true. Your plan of action in the sport of football, for your child, comes with the
growth and learning he will experience when he starts to play organized football. Once
your child begins to grow and organized football becomes a part of his life, his
environment can become very reactionary. I want to caution you. When your child starts
to exhibit size, poise, and talent, you will have that moment where you think “Wow, we
might have a chance at playing in the NFL.” Don’t let it get away from you. Don’t lose
sight of the true goal. Your ultimate goal, and the reason why you purchased this book,
was to help your child pursue higher education, and the best future possible, through
playing college football. If he ends up in the NFL, then you simply consider that a bonus.

There is nothing wrong with the NFL dream. It motivates and inspires you and your
child. Without football and the ongoing prospect of his professional career, our friend
William might have never earned his advanced degrees and experienced the career
success he has had. However, if your child does have an NFL dream, it has to be
tempered with reality. William is an excellent example of beating the odds to make it to
the NFL. It is a simple fact that no one playing football at a Division II school will leave
college early to go to the NFL Draft. It would be foolish to think otherwise, but for most
players, that reality never sets in until it’s the ultimate end of the road.

Players who make it to the NFL, even the starting, well-known Division I college stars,
have already overcome so much. It really is an incredible victory simply to make it to the
NFL, regardless of whether you make it through the initial camps or ever have the
chance to actually play for the team. If you have ever paid close attention to NFL Draft
picks and what ultimately happens to those athletes, you would already know how low
the chances truly are for a long term career.

NFL scouts will find your child if he has talent that can translate to the professional
league. The scouting and recruiting process for the NFL are drastically different than the
college recruiting process. NFL scouts know which schools have produced successful
players, and they will return to those schools to watch the next crop of potential draft
picks. Even if your child is fortunate enough to get drafted, you must understand there
are no guarantees. You simply have to understand, and accept, that any NFL interest in
your child is a victory in itself. You cannot run wild with visions of fast cars, no
mortgages or debt, and lifelong fame. It simply doesn’t work out that way.

While you can take a proactive role in your child’s college recruiting journey, the same is
not true for the NFL scouting process. Also remember, and reinforce to your child, that
being cut by the NFL does not mean he is a bad player. Often, with NFL scouting,
timing is everything, but the timing is not something you or your child can control. If your
child is fortunate enough to be scouted, and recruited, and drafted by the NFL, you’ll
have to take a much different approach than you did with college recruiting. You see,
with the NFL, simply getting to the League is the goal. Staying in the League is the next,
and hardest step.

In the United States, it has been said there are over 2.5 million square miles where
there is not a single five-star recruit. What does this mean? It means timing, location,
and experience matter.

If your child has a strong desire to play in the NFL, do not discourage him. It can be his
driving force. The hardest part about the NFL dream, as parents, is that WE have to let
it go. It cannot be our dream. It has to be our child’s dream, and it has to be tempered
with reality. Parents, I urge you. You cannot live vicariously through your child. You
must manage your expectations and simply view this entire process as a path toward
your child’s best future possible. Find satisfaction in knowing you’ve provided an
opportunity for your child to better his life. Once your child is recruited for and playing
college sports, your work is done. You need only show up for the games and events
and be your child’s number one fan and support system. If your child is good enough for
the NFL, trust me, the NFL will find your child. Rest easy knowing the college football
selection process is the only one you will have to actively manage. Guide your child to
focus on getting his education, and the rest will happen naturally.

Yes, college football is the proving ground for the NFL. However, the statistics still show
the low probability of most players making it to the professional level. Football is
definitely a size game, and there is definitely a natural elimination that occurs due to the
physical demands of the sport. There are of course unwritten rules that seem to be at
play when it comes to getting drafted for the NFL, but you could also argue that timing,
and personal experience, are significant factors. Take a look at many of the players
who have built successful NFL careers, and you will start to notice they all have unique
stories and circumstances they have overcome.

Many student athletes will pursue or select their college based on their desire to play in
the NFL, and this is completely understandable. It is the ultimate dream, and who could
blame someone for doing everything within their power to make that dream come true.
Many recruits might fall through the cracks at Division I schools due to the unique,
subjective nature of the evaluation process. Many student athletes can elect to play
instead at a Division II or Division III school, and then go on to have a great career and
become an NFL prospect. Never let the possibility of what might be cloud your
judgement and influence what might be the best decision for your child’s future and
education. Keep in mind, as well, there will always be more viable recruits than there
are scholarships. This fact alone could push many talented, worthy athletes to playing a
Division II and Division III schools, yet they still stand to experience successful careers
beyond football.

You must understand that professional and college football are big business, but your
goal is far bigger. If we understand we’re dealing with businesses making business
decisions, it allows us as parents and our child’s support system to remove the emotion
from the process. If the school recruits the best players, and wins all of its games and
goes on to win championships, the school gets more exposure, more donors, and
student applications. Everyone wants to be on the wining team, even if it is just by
attending to earn a degree. As school’s teams improve and win, their demand
increases, and their selectiveness of recruits will increase. At the end of the day, return
to your acknowledgement that these are business organizations making business
decisions, and that it is never personal against your child.

You might think, having read my thoughts on the NFL and getting drafted to play
professional football, that Tobe has no interest in moving on the League after he
graduates from Stanford. You would be wrong. Tobe definitely wants to play in the NFL,
and it would thrill us to watch him experience that. He shares the same dream everyone
who puts on a football helmet has. However, Tobe is already grounded in the fact that
he chose Stanford not so he could get drafted to play in the NFL, but so he could
pursue his passion of software engineering. Tobe already understands the statistical
prospects of getting drafted by the NFL, and he is as excited about his fall back plan, as
he calls it, that he will work on during his academic career at Stanford University. If you
ask me, my son has quite the plan.

Tobe will tell you, the recruiting process was stressful for him. It was no walk in the park,
despite how quickly his star rose and the attention he received. Tobe was very nervous
until he received his first offer, and he began to worry if he would receive an offer from
his first choice school, Stanford. Tobe doesn’t like getting a lot of attention, so when he
did start to attract coaches and recruiters, he was uncomfortable with it.

For Tobe, as it has been for me, this entire process has been about so much more than
football. According to Tobe, playing football has done so much for him. While he is still
quite reserved, and what some would call shy, he has actually come out of his shell
thanks to football. Tobe is comfortable meeting new people and he has grown socially
and psychologically thanks to football. Tobe loves that football is a tough sport. He once
told me the game takes a tough minded person who is willing to be gritty and work hard
when things aren’t going your way.

Yes, you read that right. These are comments from an eighteen-year-old boy. He is as
excited about the networking and job prospects that await him following his Stanford
career, as he is about his NFL playing prospects. You see, for Tobe, as much as it is
for me, this is about so much more than football.

Imagine. Imagine for a moment your child shifts their focus. What if, instead of focusing
on every sprint, and drill, and championship play called from the sideline, your child
focused on where he’s going when the NFL doesn’t call?

What if football teaches your child who he really is? What if football teaches your child
what he is actually capable of and allows him to safely push his boundaries?

What if football is a tool for life? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Football is a tool
for life. It is a conduit and a catalyst for a better future for student athletes willing to
exhibit humility and a strong work ethic. It’s a training ground for teamwork and
commitment. It’s life, lived each week in the Fall between four measured quarters of
time on a scoreboard.
I don’t know about you, but as a parent, I can’t think of anything that would make me
more proud than to see my child experience true joy living out their passion. It’s what I
believe we were put on this Earth to do. As I take a step back and reflect on the journey
that has led us here today, the week of Tobe’s high school graduation, I stand in awe.
We have worked hard to make it to this point. Nothing has been given to us, it has all
been earned. From my childhood in war torn Nigeria, to working to support my parents
no matter the cost, to earning my medical degree at the University of North Carolina, it
has all led us to this moment.

Anything is possible, especially in America. Take it from this Nigerian born immigrant
who worked to earn his education, build his career, and provide the very best possible
life for his family, a life many of the people I knew as a child could hardly even dream of.
You, and your children, are only limited in life by what you are willing to dream of and
work for. Whether it is a medical career or NFL stardom, it is possible. Do not settle for
small dreams, do not settle for a small life. Set an example for your children with hard
work, character, and a positive attitude. I cannot wait to see what you, and your child,
accomplish.