Demise of Midoriya Izuku

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/11557743.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: Gen
Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero
Academia
Character: Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Original Male Character(s), Todoroki
Shouto's Mother, Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Fuyumi, Midoriya Hisashi,
Todoroki Enji | Endeavor
Additional Tags: Suicide Attempt, Demise!au, My first time writing a fanfic, We're All
Gonna Die, more tags to come, the angst train is departing, Therapy,
Send Endeavour to the Shadow Realm, Endeavour Hate, Crack
Series: Part 1 of Demise!Au
Collections: The deku that tries
Stats: Published: 2017-07-20 Completed: 2018-08-01 Chapters: 13/13 Words:
30028

Demise of Midoriya Izuku

by gothiclolitapl

Summary

When the hopelessness takes over, but the results are a failure, you are left in a vacuum
wtih nothing but your dead dream to look back at.

Notes

This fanfic is based of an au of mine for which i started to draw some fanart of. you can got
hrough the whole tag here:
https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/tagged/demise%21au/chrono/
I basically wanted to create something slightly more hopeless if that makes sense. the
original series is so full of hope and positivity, but i wanted to take a slightly darker turn. I
know that there are a few fics with izuku attempting suicide, but there's so much potential
for plot and character develpment that i dont think ive seen much of within this scenario.

Also im new on ao3 and its my first time writing a fanfic, so forgive me for any mistakes.

See the end of the work for more notes

 The premise of demise

The first thing Izuku notices upon regaining consciousness is the pounding in his head. The second
is the dull, stinging sensation in his right arm. Opening his eyes comes with a great difficulty,
feeling rather sluggish, yet having a feeling; a strong itch in his head that refuses to go away, that
there’s something he should remember.

Slowly, but surely, all his senses come back to him. The sterile smell that always makes you
anxious and want to crawl out of your own skin, ‘Oh, I’m in a hospital’ Izuku thinks, but doesn’t
say, not feeling quite in control of his body just yet. Next came the dryness and metallic taste in his
mouth, while uncomfortable, it wasn’t overwhelming. When opening his eyes, Izuku was met with
the strong fluorescent lights being the only thing to focus on, the rest of his surroundings a blur,
almost like his his eyes were a camera lens that stubbornly remains out of focus. The overall
feeling was that of his senses being turned down in a way that it felt both not enough and too much
at the same time, from not receiving enough input and being hyper-focused on whatever little the
boy could get his hands on. It’s the frustrating feeling of being aware of the itch, but not being to
scratch it and make it go away.

While trying to focus on anything other than the obnoxious light, Izuku listens intensively to the
sound of dripping liquid, the sound itself quiet enough, but within the eerie silence of the hospital
room it might as well be played from the speakers at full volume. He looks in the direction of the
sound; an IV drip, and upon closer inspection Izuku notices that it’s attached to his arm. As the
dripping continues, he becomes more irritated, feeling like every single droplet mocks him for
getting into this predicament. Trying to voice his discomfort was another matter however, “Uugh..”
was all he could say, because less is more and the dryness in his throat did not allow Izuku to form
full sentences.

“Izuku!” called a tired, but full of concern voice from his left, which upon thinking for a second,
Izuku recognised to be his mother’s. Turning his head in her direction only made him more aware
of the pounding in his head, making Izuku hiss at the sensation.

“Oh honey try not to move, the doctor said you got quite a concussion and a broken leg but it’s
actually not that bad considering what happened” - That’s Midoriya Inko for you, always there
when you need her, always fretting over her only son; understandably so, whenever there’s space
for her to do so and sometimes even when there isn’t. The circles under her eyes, making her look
like she hasn’t slept in the past three days and the messy bun on her head being enough of a proof.

The silence on Izuku’s part only made Inko’s worry even greater. She looked her son in the eyes,
their green dullness contrasting the brightness of the room they were in “Izuku, do you
remembered what happened?” She fidgeted in the plastic chair she was currently sitting at, not
knowing how to breach the subject of why her son was currently in a hospital.

Izuku’s mind was whirling. Of course he remembered, how could he not?! It was at this point in
his life, stuck in a hospital bed with a concussion and a broken leg when Izuku truly appreciated
the wisdom of the words ‘Ignorance is a bliss’. Unfortunately life did not have any bliss in plans
for him, as Izuku was now forced to face the consequences of his actions; he was supposed to feel
remorse for making his mother worry needlessly, feel anxious about being unconscious for god
knows how long and missing school, feel grief about going as far as jumping off the roof of his
school partly out of desperation, and partly to spite his childhood friend-turned bully.

Except, Izuku didn’t feel any of those things. Truth be told he felt...nothing.
While he was aware on some level of the adrenaline pulsing through his veins while falling, of a
hundred and one thoughts running through his head, of the burned notebook that is probably still in
that pond; soaked beyond a point of saving, he just couldn’t force himself to care about any of
those things.

Izuku wanted nothing more that drift back into the warm and welcoming arms of the
unconsciousness, where he didn’t have to worry about any of those things. His contemplation
regarding the catatonic state of his emotions had to be stopped as Izuku remembered that his
mother asked him a question and was patiently awaiting some sort on an answer, so he figured he
must’ve started mumbling. When faced with his mother’s face; tired, but full of concern, just like
her voice, Izuku found himself with words stuck in his throat and settled for simply nodding to get
the message across.

She wanted to ask more, he could tell from the way she hunched closer to his bed, her eyes now
more alert, attentive, looking ready to take in as much as possible, but he wasn’t ready to talk about
it. Not now, not ever. Not when he’s been told by every single person in his life that his dream to
become a hero is just unrealistic, not when blindly holding onto that dream lead to nothing but
bruises, burns, ripped notebooks and his ever so anxious mother gaining even more reasons to
worry. Not when the only way to wake up from that dream and accept the truth was by trying to
take his own life. It only confirmed how weak and foolish he is, and no amount of analysis on
heros will ever make up for that.

However, Izuku felt that his mother deserved a much better answer, maybe not a full answer, since
Izuku himself was unable to fully articulate his thoughts and feelings, but some sort of an answer
was due.

“I...I’m sorry” - Not exactly what he was going for, but it was a start.

“Honey, don’t apologise-” Inko couldn’t hold it in anymore as she burst into tears “I just want to
know why! Is it...is it some trouble at school? So-some bullies?..or is it my fault?!”

“Not, it’s not your fault! Don’t ever think like that. I-I was just tired, so so tired and hopeless. But
it’s alright-”

“Oh Izuku”

“-it’s alright, because you were all right. I can’t become a hero! Never could and never will, it’s
cancelled!”

“But it’s always been your dream-”

“Well it was stupid! I was stupid!”

“Don’t. Don’t say that about yourself.”

“YOU CAN’T BECOME A HERO WITHOUT A QUIRK AND LOOK AT ME!!! NOT ONLY
DO I NOT HAVE A QUIRK, I’M ALSO WEAK, SO FRICKIN’ WEAK, NO WONDER ALL
THE KIDS MADE FUN OF ME! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT’S THE WORST PART?! THAT IT
COST ME A SUICIDE ATTEMPT TO FINALLY REALISE WHAT EVERYONE HAS BEEN
SAYING FOR YEARS!-” Izuku was now panting, not used to shouting so much, his emotions
getting better of him. “- THAT’S HOW STUPID I AM! BUT IT’S ALRIGHT NOW, BECAUSE
I’M ALIVE! I’M FUCKIN ALIVE BUT THIS DREAM IS NOT, THIS DREAM IS DEAD!!!”

Finally when his rant was over, did Izuku become more aware of his surroundings. First he noticed
his mother crying, now feeling even worse for lashing out on her, when she hasn’t wronged him in
any way. There was a nurse standing by the door, who quickly said something about getting the
doctor, before scattering away, probably to give Izuku and his mom some privacy and resolve their
family drama.

He was also very much out of breath and felt even more exhausted than before. However he felt
somewhat light, by admitting all of this out loud he made it real. It wasn’t delivered the way Izuku
hoped for, but he got the point across, especially the last part, and while he felt the familiar
tightness of disappointment and self-loathing, almost suffocating him, he also felt content. Sort of.
Admitting to himself the unlikeliness of his dream coming true and his own limitations was
something that had to be done a long time ago. Izuku by no means felt better, but rather came to
accept the truth. Now it was time to try and make things better, though he wasn’t sure he had the
energy or will to fix everything that’s been broken, including himself.

“I’m sorry mom”

His point still stands.

Midoriya Izuku’s dream is dead.

 Doctor, doctor, treat yourself
Chapter Summary

Stare into the abyss and it will stare right back at you, except the abyss is just
repressed rage.

Chapter Notes

Now, this chapter is a bit longer than the previous one, but i felt like a lot needed to be
said and done this time. On the side note i will be going on holiday in august, so there
might be a small break in uploading.
english is not my first language so if there are any mistakes please forgive me, i still
hope you enjoy reading it.
the rest of demise au can be found here:
https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/tagged/demise%21au

“-so as you can see from this x-ray it was a clean break, so it should take about 6 weeks to fully
heal. In the meanwhile you will be transferred to the psychiatric ward, where we can fully monitor
your mental health as well. If you or your mother have any concerns please inform one of our staff
members as soon as possible-”

As soon as Izuku’s existential crisis tantrum was over, the nurse came back, this time with a doctor
at her side. Dr. Kenko looked like a nice enough man; slightly on the heavier side, in his mid
forties with a rather gentle look in his eyes. If Izuku were to describe him, he’d say that the man
gives off a vibe of your favourite uncle, which normally he’d be happy about if it wasn’t for all the
rumbling. ‘Is this what I’m usually like?’ Unfortunately Izuku wasn’t able to descend in the vortex
of self reflection as yet again he was expected to participate in the conversation.

“-now, the nurse will bring you something to eat and in the meanwhile we shall discuss your care
plan.”

“My what now?”

“Your care plan, it’s what we’re going to do to help you.We will start off with some SSRIs; it’s one
of the safer drugs with fewer side effects, it should help in stabilizing your moods. But most
importantly, a proper therapy is needed. You will have sessions with one of our psychiatrists who
specialises in children and adolescent patients. You will meet doctor Iyashi soon enough, but I can
guarantee you that he is-”

“I don’t need it”

“I’m sorry?”

“I said, I don’t need it. I don’t need to waste my time talking to someone who’s only going to tell
me things I already know”

“Izuku please, the doctors only want what’s best for you”

“The doctors are here for their paycheck and they literally couldn’t give less fucks about me”

The doctor cleared his throat, his soft demeanor fading away “Mr. Midoriya, I don’t think you
fully understand your situation. You have attempted suicide, it is a serious matter and we are
required to perform a psychological evaluation before we can even consider releasing you from the
ward. I am aware that a therapy seems like a scary thing and many patients are rather averse to it at
first, but I advise you give it a chance and if you don’t like doctor Iyashi we can arrange for you to
have sessions with another psychiatrist”.

At this point the Dr. Kenko reminded Izuku more of a stern father reprimanding his child rather
than a chill uncle, although Izuku can’t be sure since his own dad wasn’t around long enough for
him to know what it’s like.

“Ok” was all Izuku could say, because he still had enough decency not to argue with a doctor who
within a span of 5 minuted has managed to become a somewhat of a temporary father figure to him.
‘Daddy issues’ he thought , ‘that’s probably why I need therapy’.

And so the next day Izuku found himself in front of Dr. Iyashi’s office, waiting for his evaluation.
In all honesty it felt like waiting for an execution to take place, and the wheelchair he was currently
seated in did not help to erase the mental image of an electric chair. There was something rather
unsettling about having to see a professional who had the ability to look into your deepest thoughts
and take you apart piece by piece. It made Izuku feel strangely vulnerable and the session hasn’t
even started yet. However there was also a part of him that wanted to spill all this darkness he’s
been holding deep inside, just waiting for some sort of an outlet, which was probably even scarier
as Izuku himself has never faced that darkness and was too afraid to face the unknown.
His dwelling on the irrational fear of his own disturbing thoughts ended almost as soon as it started
when the door to Dr Iyashi’s office opened. Izuku quickly turned his head in the door’s direction
expecting to see the doctor, but instead found himself faced with another patient; a middle aged
woman with long white hair, which had Izuku slightly confused ‘Didn’t Dr. Iyashi specialise in
children and adolescents?’.

“Now Mrs. Todoroki, I’m very happy with how today’s session went and I hope we can continue
where we left off next week.” said a male voice from behind the doors. ‘Oh, it must be Dr, Iyashi’
Izuku thought. The tone was rather professional, but still contained a cheerful vibe, which made
him feel like the doctor was genuine in what he said. It made Izuku feel slightly relieved as instead
of a faceless figure wearing a white coat, his mental image of Dr. Iyashi was replaced with equally
vague, nevertheless a more positive one.

Finally the doctor’s figure walked out from behind the office door, which Izuku has dubbed ‘the
execution room’ mere 15 minutes ago.

“Ah, you must Izuku, sorry to keep you waiting. I’m Dr. Iyashi and I will be conducting your
evaluation. Now, how about we go into my office and get started?”

If Dr. Kenko was the favourite uncle, then Dr. Iyashi was your best friend who you were willing to
spill all your secrets to. Or at least that’s what Izuku thought best friends did, his only experience
with friendship again, too brief to form any proper expectations. The severe lack of positive people
in his life was slightly concerning now that he thought about it. The point being, there was
something soothing and relaxing about Dr. Iyashi, which made Izuku feel like opening up to him
wouldn’t be as bad as he originally anticipated.

Not sure what to say to the man who was about to pry his mind open, Izuku simple nodded and
allowed himself to be wheeled into the doctor’s office. Once Izuku found himself in the office he
looked everywhere, yet nowhere in particular, trying desperately to focus on anything other than
what was about to happen.

“So Izuku, before we start I will let you know that everything you say in this room is confidential,
and while I won’t share any details of our conversations, I will need to write up a general summary
of our sessions to go with your medical file, which will help me in conducting your evaluation. Is
that alright with you?”

“Yes sir”

“Now, you don’t have to be so formal. You can call me Shin if you prefer, I find that most of my
patients are more comfortable talking once they’re on a first name basis with me.”

“Ok Shin”

Izuku was tense. He didn’t exactly know what to expect, feeling like every single part of him, from
the short, flat answer he given, to the way he twitched under the doctor’s eyes were being analysed
and used to give 101 facts away about Izuku, half of which he probably didn’t even know himself.
‘Maybe this was Shin’s quirk? It must be very useful in his field of work’ he thought.

“So tell me, how are you feeling?”

“I don’t know”

“That’s okay. Let’s start off with something easier then. What are you thinking?”

“I think that I’m like an animal waiting to be dissected by your mind reading quirk.”

“My what?! I don’t have that kind of quirk unfortunately. It’s a shame though let me tell you, it
would’ve made my work ten times easier.”

He then laughed, probably wanting to disperse the awkward atmosphere, though Izuku did not
make it any easier.

“Ok then, now that we cleared that up, let’s get started. Just tell me anything, literally anything
that comes to your mind and let’s go from there”.

‘Anything’ Izuku thought ‘that’s not exactly helpful’. Given no boundaries is even more stressful
as it gives you infinite choices, something he wasn’t really used to as his world up until now
revolved around standardized tests with only one correct answer.

“Daddy issues” his mouth ever so helpfully provided without the brain’s input. Izuku could see the
doctor losing his composure for about a fraction of a second before regaining his professionalism
one again, but in all honesty he couldn’t care less.
“Daddy issues you say. Dr, Kenko has mentioned your mother visiting, but nothing about your
father. You two must have a rather strained relationship, I presume?”

“Nah, the issue is that he’s not even around to give me any daddy issues.”

The doctor quickly wrote down whatever observation he made about Izuku, before resuming the
conversation.

“So would you say that the lack of a father figure has negatively impacted your life?”

“I don’t know. He wasn’t here to fuck anything up for me so I guess not.”

“I often see that the patients who live in separated families have found some other adult who they
see as their role model in place of an absent parent. Is there someone like that in your life?
Someone you really admire, look up to, possibly imitate?”

Now that gave Izuku something that can only be described as ‘war flashbacks’. Might as well go
down the lane of dead dreams.

“Yeah, All Might.” It was again brief, but his voice betrayed more emotions in that one sentence
than during his entire stay in the hospital so far, the obvious tune of melancholy mixed in with the
dull tone of regret and the long faded admiration.

“I always wanted to be a hero like him, to be able to save everyone with a smile on my face” he
added, unable to look Shin in the eyes.

“Is that no longer the case?”

“No”

“And why is that?”

‘Why?!’ Izuku thought while looking out through the window ‘Because why bother wishing for
something that is impossible? Why bother hurting, when deep down you know that it will all
amount to nothing?’

“Because I was stupid. I kept deceiving myself, telling myself that if I just work hard enough I
could make it. It was a lie, I lied to myself everyday, because I was too afraid of facing the truth.
But you know, ultimately the truth came back to bite me in the ass, and that’s how I ended up
here”

“Is this what you thought about when you decided to jump off the building?”

“‘If you believe they’re holding your quirk over in the next world you should just dive off the
rooftop’ he said”

“What? Who said that?!”

“I didn’t believe him, the guy wants to be a hero and he has a pretty good chance you know?
Amazing quirk, good grades, but his personality is anything but heroic” Izuku chuckled,
remembering Kacchan’s explosive behaviour. It was empty, holding no hint of amusement
whatsoever “But I decided to jump off anyway, just to spite him. Though I guess I was also
desperate? I felt so hopeless, not knowing what to do with myself and for a split of second, jumping
off seemed like a good idea”. He was now sobbing, tears quietly falling, still not facing the man to
whom he was spilling his sorry excuse of a tragic backstory “and that split of second was enough.”

“Izuku, what you’ve just told me is very important. If all of this was caused by extreme bullying,
there’s something that can be done about it. Does the school know-”

“Sure they do, they just don’t care. You’d be surprised how flawlessly it all works out when
there’s one person to torment and take out their frustrations on, so that everyone else can go on
with their everyday lives like the little, pathetic people they are.”

There was a heavy silence between them, interrupted only by the doctor’s scribbling in his journal.
The whole session was going downhill from the very start and Izuku just wanted to be done with it.

If this is how sessions with a psychiatrist usually look like, then Izuku was dreading the next 6
weeks of his life.
 Pandora's Box, I did not ask for it
Chapter Summary

The loneliness compels you to spilling your darkest secrets to strangers.

Chapter Notes

So i know that this chapter is rather short, but i spent a lot of time on it, trying to
articulate some of his thoughts. I wil be going on holiday in the second half of august,
so i might upload one or two more chapters before that, but then there will be a bit of a
break. again english is not my first language so if there are any mistakes let me know.

It’s been almost a week since Izuku’s admission to the psychiatric ward. Truth being told, he’s
bored to death, as there’s only so much time one can spend doing homework that’s been brought to
you by one of the teachers, because none of his classmates have expressed the desire to visit him.
Fuck them. Usually he’d spend every free minute of his time filling up his notes on heroes, but
that’s a sore spot at the moment for obvious reasons. Which unfortunately leaves him with way too
much time to think, and thinking is bad.

It’s scary how the lack outside stimuli forces him to face all these thoughts that he didn’t even
know existed. He kept thinking about Kacchan and how he must feel right now after everything
that have happened, but what really terrified Izuku was the dark little voice that accompanied all his
thoughts; “I hope he suffocates in his own guilt”, “He should suffer as well”, “He doesn’t deserve
to be a hero” said the vengeful voice. While Izuku was never one to wish ill upon a person, he
couldn’t help but agree with the voice, which at some point he would have to acknowledge as his
own.

“It’s natural” said Shin, during their previous session “It’s normal to feel spite towards a person
who has wronged you, especially after everything that this ‘Kacchan’ said and done to you. So
there’s no reason to feel bad about your feelings”.

Easier said than done.

There were many things that needed to be addressed according to Shin, especially when it came to
his dysfunctional facade of a friendship with Kacchan. Izuku wasn’t quite ready to unpack this
particular box that’s embedded with shards of whatever was left of his self esteem, decorated with
numerous scorch marks,filled with the cold, penetrating touch of fear and the slow, burning
pressure of quiet resentment, that’s all beautifully packaged in the shadow of adoration. It was all
too much, but thinking about the possibility of resolution to this particular childhood nightmare,
left him feeling rather empty. So instead, Izuku decided to take it one step at a time and leave it all
to the Izuku of tomorrow. Not the best decision of his life, but he couldn’t be bothered to do
anything about it.

His mom will visit him later with promised katsudon after his complaint about the hospital food; it
wasn’t that bad, it just wasn’t his mother cooking. Although in all honesty he wasn’t in the mood
that allowed him to enjoy food, not even his all time favourite katsudon.

For now though, all he wanted to do was find something to occupy his time. Izuku considered
asking one of the nurses to wheel him outside to get some fresh air, but he didn’t want to trouble
them ‘They’re probably already very busy’ was his first thought, ‘I can’t be bothered to’ being a
close second.

Is this how he was going to spend most of his time here? Confined in a hospital room, with a
deafening silence as his only companion?

A knock on the door answered the question for him.

“Midoriya? It’s dinner time” said one of the nurses as she walked in. She was a rather tall woman
with four arms, allowing her to hold the tray with two of her hands, a patient’s chart in the third,
leaving the fourth to open the door. ‘How convenient. It must be nice to have an extra pair of hands
to do the work’ he thought-

“It really is”

-or said.

Well, that was awkward. He was already stammering out trying to apologise for verbalising his
thoughts so obnoxiously, but the nurse just smiled and waved at him dismissively.

“It’s fine don’t worry about it. Anyway here’s your dinner, enjoy.”

“Actually, I-I’m sorry to trouble you, but my mom will come over later with katsudon, so I’d rather
not eat now. I’m sorry that you came here for nothing.”
“Oh, not a problem. But if you get hungry just ring the bell and I can reheat it for you later if you
want. Is that everything?”

“N-no, I mean, yes- I just, would it be too much trouble to wheel me out of here for a bit? Just to
get some fresh air.”

Ten minutes later Izuku found himself at the hospital’s rooftop, with the nice, four armed nurse at
his side. The roof was sectioned off with a high fence, it had a few benches for the patients to sit
on and relaxed. The area was mostly used by those who smoke or want to relax and enjoy a sunny
day. It was already 7pm though, so there wasn’t much sun to enjoy, nonetheless Izuku appreciated
the the calm chill of the evening air.

The calm solitude was quickly interrupted by the revelation that he wasn’t in fact alone. A woman,
who Izuku immediately recognised as ‘Mrs. Todoroki’ from his previous session with Shin, was
sitting on one of the benches in the faraway corner of the enclosed roof. Her long, white hair and
the distant look in her eyes made her seem more like a ghost; worn away by the passage of time,
but unable to move on. Izuku didn’t want to pry, it would be rude after all, but he could at least
admit to himself that he was very curious as to why ‘Mrs. Todoroki’ was here, what was it that
made her break and land in this place?

Izuku’s curiosity once again got better of him as he started to wheel himself in the woman’s
direction. The nurse did not follow after him, seemingly content to keep an eye on him from the
distance.

“What did you do?” he said, without looking the woman in the eye and momentarily cringed at his
own choice of words. The way he said it was accusatory, like he wanted to hear a confession of a
horrible crime rather than a personal story of falling victim to your own mind, both of which were
very much not Izuku’s business.

Hence the surprise when Mrs. Todoroki actually answered him.

“I poured boiling water on my child’s face as a result of a mental breakdown, you?”

Her tone was resigned, with a hint of self loathing; as if every morning when she had to face her
own reflection in the mirror it told her of all the horrible things she did. She did not look him in the
eyes either.
“I guess I got tired of being bullied for existing without a quirk, so I took a dive off the roof.”

Izuku then motioned to his cast.

“Didn’t work out, obviously.”

He was surprised to hear the woman next to him laugh. It held no malice, or even a hint of
amusement, it was a quiet, sad laugh, the kind that you hear in a situation where there’s nothing
else one can do other than laugh at their own misery.

Just as Izuku was about to continue the conversation, the nurse called to him, holding a pager in
one of her four hands “Midoriya, I just got a call from the reception, your mother is here, should I
take you back in to see her?” Right, he forgot about that. “Oh, yes please”.

“Let’s talk again sometime.”

“I’d love to.”

Just as Izuku was being taken back to his room, he thought again about Mrs. Todoroki and while it
might be the lonely atmosphere of the hospital getting to him, Izuku believed that maybe, just
maybe he has found a friend in her. He was looking forward to having someone besides Shin and
his mother to talk to. Speaking of which, his mother’s katsudon was waiting.

Izuku smiled to himself for the first time in what seemed like eternity. The days spent in the
hospital might not be so bleak from now on.
 It all started when I was born
Chapter Summary

Self care is screaming at the top of your lungs at your therapist's office.

Chapter Notes

So this is the last chapter for now, since I will be leaving for holiday in a couple of
days. I should be back with another chapter in 2-3 weeks depending on how things go.
I hope you enjoy. A salways all of the demise!au stuff can be found here:
https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/tagged/demise%21au/chrono/

“-we used to be really good friends when we were little, always playing together, pretending to be
heroes, admiring All Might, we were practically inseparable.” Izuku smiled fondly upon recalling
some of his only pleasant memories that were brought to him by the very person who later became
his tormentor. “Kacchan always stood out from other kids, always the smartest, the loudest, the
most confident. The teachers always praised him, the kids always admired him, myself included.
Kacchan was just so amazing at everything, and as a kid I looked up to him. He was the leader and
I followed after him, that’s kinda how our friendship worked, it wasn’t perfect, but it was the
happiest time of my life.”

Izuku was currently sitting in Shin’s office and spilling his sorry excuse of a backstory to him,
because you know, it’s their third session, so he might as well get a bit personal.

“So when Kacchan’s quirk manifested, but mine didn’t...things went downhill so to say. And now
I’m here” he said, voice full of remorse as he gestured to himself and then to Shin.

For the most part, the doctor’s face remained neutral, not giving away a hint of his thoughts.
Perhaps the lack of visible reaction or judgement is what allowed Izuku to open up so easily, or
perhaps it might be Shin’s quirk, he still hasn’t figured out what it is and made it his little goal to
try and find out the mystery that is Shin’s quirk. As much as it was Shin’s job to observe Izuku
during their sessions and uncover what lies deep inside his mind, Izuku was quite an observer
himself if his we’re-not-talking-about-it notebooks are anything to go by. Being analysed by the
psychiatrist always left him feeling vulnerable, so in his mind he concluded that observing and
analyzing Shin would give him a bit of an advantage behind the closed doors of the doctor’s office
and make him feel a bit stronger, after all knowledge is power as they say.
So far Izuku hasn’t observed much given the doctor’s ‘god tier’ poker face. However every now
and then when talking about the mistreatment he received due to his quirklessness, Shin’s face
becomes overshadowed by his distaste for a couple of seconds before rewinding back to the
masquerade of professionalism. One could say that it’s a sign of his sympathetic nature, however
his emotional display wasn’t aimed at Izuku, that much is clear. If anything, it was a slip, meaning
that whatever Izuku said must’ve struck a chord within Shin enough to make him show emotion
within the sterile, professional environment. Izuku is not sure what that means yet, but he’ll find
out soon enough.

Finally, after remaining silent for most of the session Shin looks up from his clipboard, locking his
eyes with Izuku, looking ready to throw some smart sounding Freudian analogy, Izuku thinks,
except it wasn’t that...

“From what I see your early childhood was probably the best time of your life, understandably so,
but what that means is you’re desperately holding onto the things from the past. You’ve been
holding onto a sliver of hope that things could go back to the way they were before with this
Kacchan, which contributed to the abuse on his part. I see this often in victims of abuse; the cycle
of forgiving and putting up with the tormentor’s behaviour, except it doesn’t do any good. That old
label of a ‘childhood friend’ is what stops you from accepting the way things are. You have to
understand that while it is true that Kacchan was a good friend and you’ve made many good
memories, that is no longer the case, people can change, often for worse, and you don’t have to
hold onto the people who hurt you.”

...it hit much closer than Izuku would’ve liked.

“Wow, what an impressive word vomit” he said, because right now he felt like his insides were
exposed, and sarcasm seemed like a good deflection from the metaphorical guts spilling out of his
mind.

“Izuku, take this seriously for once”

“iZUku, tAkE ThIS SeRIoUsLy FoR oNcE”

Shin does not look impressed.

“Oooh someone’s in trouble, that’s me, I’m in trouble. I don’t know why I said that.”
At that Shin stands up, clearly out of patience. Izuku wonders if he always runs out of patience this
quickly or if it’s just with Izuku.

“You know what?! I was hoping you could cooperate with me and that I could help you like a good
psychiatrist I’m trying to be, I really was! But if all you contribute to our sessions are snarky
comments I guess I should drop the professional approach or I’ll never get to you!!!”

“Oh, you do get to me, quite a bit actually, hence the snarky comments, defence mechanism and
all that.”

“Alright then, let me be brutally honest with you! You admire Kacchan for whatever fucking
reason, he might have some admirable qualities, that’s fine, BUT!-” at this point Shin is standing
over Izuku, in an agressive ‘I care about you’ manner. “-that does not excuse his behaviour! He
hurt you, he humiliated you! And I’m sorry that he did all of this to you, but you have to face your
repressed rage that should’ve been directed at him all this time! Admiration and hatred are not
mutually exclusive states, so repeat after me! KACCHAN IS A PIECE OF SHIT!” he chanted with
fists raised in the air.

“Kacchan is a piece of shit.”

“Louder, I can’t hear you!”

“KACCHAN IS A PIECE OF SHIT!”

“GOOD!”

And so Izuku and his psychiatrist ended up chanting ‘Kacchan is a peice of shit’ back and forth for
about ten minutes or so before a nurse came in, clearly concerned about all the shouting, which left
the two in a rather awkward silence afterwards. The continued to stare at the door even after the
nurse has left.

“So…” Izuku started, trying to slowly break the painful silence.

“That wasn’t very professional of me, sorry about that.” Shin suddenly bursted out, clearly
embarrassed by his own earlier behaviour.
“Don’t apologise, it was the greatest thing that has happened to me since being admitted to this
nuthouse.” replied Izuku with a small, but genuine smile that marred his face.

“Still, such outbursts on my part are unbecoming of a doctor. I have dealt with more difficult
patients than you in the past and still managed.” said the doctor, quickly reverting back to his
professionals stance.

“That means I’m special.”

“Don’t get cocky, Izuku.”

“Thank you”

Turning around, Shin looked at his patient, face of a poster child for confusion.

“Really, thank you. That’s exactly what I needed, to get all of this shouted into my head, since I
never allowed myself to say or think those things, so I’d rather have you be as unprofessional as
possible if it can help me.”

“Sure, but don’t tell anyone, or I might just lose my licence” replied Shin, chuckling to himself.

Their session unfortunately came to an end. Shin had to attend other patients and Izuku had...not
much to do to be honest. He was hoping to maybe catch Mrs. Todoroki and have another chat with
her, since he has found the woman’s company to be quite pleasant. His wish came true when upon
being wheeled out of the office he spotted the white haired woman sitting in a chair next to the
office.

“Mrs. Todoroki! I didn’t know you were seeing Shin after me.”

“Oh no, I already saw him today. I was actually hoping to whisk you away for a little chat, unless
you have something better to do.”
“You know I don’t” said Izuku.

“So...who is this Kacchan and why is he a piece of shit?”

Well shit.
 Mock me dead
Chapter Summary

Sarcasm won't get you far in life, or at least not in therapy.

Chapter Notes

So I'm back from my holiday. I hope you enjoy this chapter. As always any demise!au
stuff can be found here:
https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/tagged/demise%21au/chrono/
also i finally manages to do a drawing of shin i ncase you were wondering what he
looks like: https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/post/165085547533/i-realised-i-
promised-to-do-a-a-sketch-of-shin-so

“So...a notebook?” Izuku said, his face portraying both confusion and distaste at the offending
object he currently held in his hands. He looked up at Shin hoping for some sort of an answer.

“Yes, a notebook” replied the doctor, aware of his patient’s internal turmoil, but not keen to
address it just yet.

“But why?”

It was their fourth session. After their last fiasco - which they made a silent promise not to talk
about - Shin seemed more determined than ever to help Izuku get better, so when the session began
and Shin simply handed Izuku an empty notebook with a smile on his face...it left Izuku confused
to say the least, like going into an art gallery, seeing a blank canvas and wondering why it’s called
art in the first place.

“I want to know what’s inside your head and I mean really deep ins-Izuku stop giggling, now’s not
the time for ‘that’s what she said!’” shouted the doctor.

“Anyway, there’s only so much we can achieve during our sessions, so I thought about a notebook
as sometimes it’s hard to articulate your thoughts and feelings into a coherent verbal response. So
with this you can write anything that comes to your mind, anything that you feel, no matter how
chaotic or nonsensical it may seem at the time!” Shin finished his little speech full of excitement,
animatedly gesturing his hands while looking at Izuku, hoping to see some form of approval from
the boy.

Instead he was met with a deadpan look accompanied by an equally deadpan response.

“So...a diary, what am I, a fourteen year-old girl looking for a safe place to write her feelings
alongside with cheesy self-insert one direction fanfiction?”

“Izuku, you ARE fourteen”

“Don’t ruin it Shin” replied Izuku, again with the deadpan tone, which he noticed always gets on
the other’s nerves.

Slowly but surely, Izuku started noticing more things about the psychiatrist, or rather the man in
question started to show more of himself. And so he’s shown how much he cares about Izuku-
through his lost composure that exposed the interior of a mad dedication and voiced the worries of
a worn out, but nevertheless a man on a mission- he cares with his whole being, more than he
should. ‘So passionate’ Izuku thinks, not fully knowing what to do with that information other than
to empathise and mourn quietly for his lost love that is ‘hero analysis for the future’.

He then looks down at the notebook in his hands.

“It’s not hero analysis, but…”

It will have to do. Having somewhere to accumulate his brain vomit, even if it’s not hero related it
should give him back some resemblance of the everyday melancholy.

Today’s session was over far quicker thank Izuku would’ve liked, to his own surprise. While at
first he dreaded the appointments, he now looked forward to them as Shin was the only person
Izuku could spill his darkest, most complex thoughts to without any fears.

Izuku found himself back within the confines of his hospital room, books and notes taking up
every free surface. It almost felt like home, if it wasn’t for the lack of All Might posters and action
figures, which he was actually grateful for. He knows that his mother wouldn’t take down the
posters during his absence. Having to go inside Izuku’s room to retrieve all of his things must’ve
been enough of a reminder as to what caused her son so much pain in the first place.
Not wanting to think about having to confront the All Might convention known as his bedroom,
Izuku opened the notebook he received from Shin. It was an ordinary notebook; the pages were
flimsy, the cover was a simple cream colour, just like the ones he used.

The boy stared down at the blank page for what seemed like hours, and for the life of him he
couldn’t figure out what to write, which was never a problem before.

Izuku looked to his left, the stack of notebooks his mum must’ve brought in along with everything
else; all the pages filled with paragraphs and diagrams of analysing various heroes’ quirks.
“Thirteen volumes-no, twelve” he reminded himself, as the last one was burned and soaked in his
school’s koi pond. Twelve notebooks worth of information and speculations about other people,
yet he couldn’t write a single thought of his own down on the damn page.

“Burned out and drowning, just like that notebook” Izuku said, to no one in particular, while
continuing to stare at the offending blankness of the page.

Just as Izuku was about to give in to his frustrations and throw the damn thing out of the window
there was a knock on the door.

“Come in” he said, suddenly remembering about this thing called decency, which includes, but is
not limited to not throwing things out of the window when other people are watching. Fuck
decency.

Lo and behold comes in his favourite homeroom teacher to deliver the homework. “Hi Midoriya! I
got your homework. How are you doing today?” he says with far too much enthusiasm to
counteract the coldness he’s met with whenever he’s visiting Izuku. It’s not like he hates the
teacher in particular, or so he tells himself, but there’s always a persistent feeling of resentment at
the back of his mind, which for the most part he refused to acknowledge. That is until his sessions
with Shin, where he was advised to-quote his psychiatrist-‘stop giving a fuck and just prioritise
yourself for once’ which apparently also means being honest with oneself regarding the internal
levels of salt, as well as learning that those feelings aren’t wrong.

And so Izuku finds himself giving the teacher a cold shoulder as a payback? of some sorts, because
while he’s already established that Bakugou is the source of all the evil in his little world, that does
not excuse the teacher’s lack of intervention; just standing by the sides and witnessing the bullying
taking place. What a pathetic man, he thought.
“Oh you know, due to unfortunate circumstances I am alive” Izuku finally answers, his voice
coated with excess sugar and malice, looking his teacher straight in the eye, challenging him. He
takes some form of twisted joy from watching the man in question look away, discomfort obvious
in his posture, not knowing what to do with the implications of Izuku’s words.

He’s not quite ready to let the teacher off the hook just yet, he’s having too much fun, given how
little there is to entertain him here. Izuku wants to prolong it ‘but how?’ he questioned while
looking around the room...Ah!

“Actually…” Izuku begins, startling the teacher who looked ready to just dump the homework and
make a dash for the door. “...I think I might have left one of my notebooks in school. It had number
thirteen on it. If it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could bring it to me along with the
homework tomorrow?” he asks, trying to keep his voice steady and free of any mockery, lulling the
man into a false sense of safety.

“Oh, I’m afraid there wasn’t such notebook in your desk when I checked last time” replied the
teacher, thrown off guard by the -only way he could describe it as is innocent- tone his student
spoke with, a drastic change after becoming so familiar with the sarcastic and aggressive remarks
that greet him on a regular basis.

“It wasn’t in my desk.”

“Where is it then?”

“Kacchan will know where it is, so why don’t you ask him?”

And the bomb has been dropped. Izuku further tilts his head while maintaining the most ‘I’m
oblivious to your discomfort’ face he’s able to pull off. By this point the teacher looks like he
wants nothing more than to disintegrate if it means not having to face the consequences of his
actions, or lack of thereof. ‘Perfect’.

“I will...see what I can do” he replies, not knowing how else to end this conversation and escape
the uncomfortable position he’s put in.

“I’m sure you will.”

‘I’m angry…’

at myself

at Kacchan

at the school

at the whole world

at my father

‘I’m angry… I feel powerless, I want to fight back, I want to be better’

The page is no longer blank, it’s not much.

But it’s something.

 I'd sell you to Satan for prozac
Chapter Summary

A misplaced All Might reference is one way to ruin a moment.

Chapter Notes

Waht's up?! I'm sorry I havent uploaded in so long. For one I jsut got back t oschool so
i dont have as miuch time, but mostly this chapter has been very difficult for me to
write. In the meanwhile i've made this short comic:
https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/post/165802675593/nightmare-of-bakugou-
katsuki-demiseau-ive-had
let me know if you want more of those, because i have few planne,d or if youd rather
want more writing.

Izuku has found himself in an unfortunate predicament to say the least. Because of the said
predicament he’s now experiencing a lot of feelings, which is quite an unwelcoming contrast to the
medically upkept apathy that Izuku has grown to find security in.

To his right; the homeroom teacher, back again inside the clinical cage Izuku calls his ‘room’,
looking even more uncomfortable than last time if that’s even possible.

To his left; his mother, none the wiser as she looks back and forth between her son and the source
of his predicament.

To his right again; the source of said predicament - the burned notebook, now also decorated in
splashes of what Izuku presumes is his blood from when he fell and hit the ground - held tightly in
the teacher’s shaking hands. It’s a lot to process, a sight quite gruesome in itself, with even more
gruesome memories attached to it.

The guy has guts, Izuku will give him that. To bring the physical evidence of his longstanding
abuse straight to the victim himself, just like he asked - albeit only half seriously - in all of his
cowardice to confront his ‘star student’ about the consequences of his actions; the exchange
undoubtedly uncomfortable for both of them.

And Izuku can’t find it within himself to enjoy his indirect tormenting, because his mother is here,
and just by looking at her face he can spot many questions, speculations and most notably self
loathing. She doesn’t need to say a thing for Izuku to know that right now her mind is a spiderweb;
intertwined with the thoughts of how everything is her fault, how her son’s suffering could’ve been
prevented if only she tried a bit harder, encouraged him a bit more, fussed a little less - and how
familiar those burn marks looked.

The sparkle of recognition on Inko’s face only added the fuel to Izuku’s burning anxiety; the flame
eating away, destroying whatever sense of peace he managed to make for himself in those weeks at
the hospital, the same way Bakugou’s explosions destroyed the frail paper of his notebook.

“Izuku-” his mother spoke slowly, but with purpose, her eyes not leaving the notebook for a second
“-what is the meaning of this?”

Uuu, this is bad, very bad.

“Oh-um I-it’s one of my notebooks, that I left in school, yes! And I asked the teacher t-to bring it to
me, b-but it’s covered in blood from m-my fall, but it's alright, it’s still legible!!”

Oh, god he was panicking, this won’t end well. He wanted to play dumb for as long as possible, but
he knows that the elephant in the room can only remained untouched for so long.

“It was that Katsuki boy, wasn’t it?” his mother said, already knowing the answer. Her son’s
silence and the teacher’s look of shame confirming her suspicions.

“I’m sorr-”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare apologizing to me for something like this. If anything, HE should come
and apologize to YOU!”

“And you!-” she continues, pointing accusingly at the teacher “-you allowed this to happen! It’s
your damn job to look after your students and protect them! Clearly you must’ve known my son
was getting bullied and didn’t do anything about it!”

The teacher panicked, quickly trying to defend himself “Ma’am, I assure you that I was unaware of
the scale of all this. While it was clear that there has been some bad blood between your son and
Bakugou, I didn’t know of the extent of bullying until this incident, and Midoriya himself has
never reported the bullying.”

“Oh, so you’re saying that just because he didn’t report it, that made it ok to turn a blind eye?!”

“MOM!”

“Izuku!”

Their screams were soon overshadowed by the silence, which spoke volumes above their voices yet
left many questions hanging from the elephant’s trunk.

Finally the mother broke the silence and looked at her son, eyes full of love and grief “I’m not mad
at you, if that’s what you’re thinking” she spoke with tears in her eyes “I just want to know, why
didn’t you tell me?”

Why indeed.

Izuku thought about it often over the years. Part of it had to do with his maniac like tendency to
avoid troubling others, including his own mother who already worried so much about him, it just
didn’t seem fair to spring even more things on her shoulders, the bullying over his quirkless status
already taking a big toll on both of them.

Another part had to do with his largely misplaced idolization of Bakugou, fearing that by reporting
the abuse he’d permanently stain his tormentor’s record, which would result in destroying
Bakugou’s dream of being a hero, because UA would never accept a bully with a record into their
school no matter how well he would’ve done on the entrance exam. There’s also his mother’s
everlasting friendship with the Bakugous, but that’s another can of worms that h doesn’t want to
touch.

Now, that was old Izuku’s way of thinking, and the old Izuku is dead now, leaving the very angry
and petty Izuku, who right now is tempted to do what his old self was afraid of doing. After all it’s
not like Bakugou was ever considerate of his dreams, feelings, or even his life, so yeah, fuck him to
be honest.

And he’s overthinking again.

“I didn’t want to worry you anymore than I already do” he says in the end, because it’s true. It
might not even be a scratch to the surface of everything he feels at the moment, but it’s a simple
truth.

“I’m going to have a talk with his parents” said Inko with renewed fire and tears in her eyes as she
opened her arms and engulfed her son in a hug.

“I wouldn’t expect any less” replied Izuku, slowly, but surely returning the hug.

“I wish I had said it sooner, but everything’s going to be alright” she whispered in hopes to reassure
her son.

“Why? Because you are here” followed Izuku with a humourless laugh.

“Ahem”

The mother and son both turned around in the direction of the sound, their eyes landing on the
teacher who looked about as awkward as they both felt right now.

“Oh you’re still here.”

I am angry -- I want Kacchan to suffer.

I do not want to go out of my way to torture him, that would make me just as bad as him.

I want him to regret, but I do not want to forgive.

I want him to suffer in silence.

Kacchan is a piece of shit.

“Well that should do it” said Izuku, looking down at his notebook. He has taken to writing bits and
pieces in the new notebook Shin gave him relatively quickly. It helps him sort out his thoughts and
he hopes to make use of it and discuss some of the things he wrote during next session. Right now
he’d much rather think about his next session with the friendly, albeit eccentric psychiatrist.

Tomorrow is a big day.

He's going to see Kacchan.

 Petty little thing
Chapter Summary

Having spite for breakfast, lunch and dinner is a recipe for an emotional rollercoaster.

Chapter Notes

I’m back! sorry it took so long to updat,e however ive seen very busy with school. also
this chapter is over twice as long as usual, because its a very intense one, so it took me
a very long time to write. hope you dont mind.

“All I’m saying is, next time he comes over we grab a couple of those buckets, fill them with water
and drown the bitch into submission!” exclaimed Izuku, while excitedly pointing to the empty
buckets in the corridor that were left there by a janitor.

“Izuku, no, just no” said Mrs. Todoroki with the exhaustion of a person who has listened through a
hundred and one plans on how to torture her husband.

“You never like any of my plans!” replied Izuku.

“Because they’re not plans, they’re random impulses of vandalism and violent behaviour” she
continued “Besides, not that I don’t enjoy your company, but aren’t you supposed meet with piece
of shit, or whatever his name was?”

“How did you-”

“It’s a small ward honey. The word gets round quickly” interrupted Mrs. Todoroki while looking
pointedly at the four armed nurse, who was currently pretending to be busy writing something in
her clipboard and holding the handles of Izuku’s wheelchair.

“Tch, typical” scoffed Izuku.

Now, going back to the topic, YES, he was going to meet ‘piece of shit’ today. The decision was
made by his mother who had gone to the Bakugous’ house the previous day and told them about
their son’s actions in hopes of resolving the situation (bless her soul) despite the strain it would
inevitably put on their friendship. The adults have decided that the best thing to do would be to all
go to the hospital and talk things out, to which Izuku’s initial reaction was “not today Satan”, but
not much could be done on his side to avoid this trainwreck.

And here he was now, in the common room, killing time with some good old escapism; focusing
on all the different ways to torture Mrs. Todoroki’s shitty husband, rather than the ticking clock on
the wall above him, mocking him, playing the role of a countdown to the start of what he calls
‘The Bakugou-shitshow’. The sleep deprivation from his meds was definitely not helping.

This was going to be a long fucking day.

“So it’s starting soon, huh? The Bakugou-shitshow” said Shin as he seemingly materialized out of
thin air, rubbing his hands in a mischievous manner.

“You’ve read my journal” replied the boy in a cold, flat tone that the doctor hated so much.
Honestly, is there no such thing as privacy in this loony bin?

“And you’ve read my medical notes about your case, which may I remind you are for medical staff
only” retaliated the doctor, his unwillingness to put up with Izuku’s shit at this point very apparent
in his voice. He then turned to the nurse and motioned towards the handles of his patient’s
wheelchair “Do you mind if I borrow this little gremlin for a second?”

“Fuck you!” interrupted Izuku.

“See? A little gremlin right here” sneered Shin.

He then grabbed the handles and wordlessly started to wheel Izuku out of the common room in the
direction of his office as Mrs. Todoroki and the nurse waved them goodbye.

“So, you’re seeing Bakugou today, aren’t you?”

“Yep”
“Are you mentally ready for it?”

“Fuck no!”

“Thought so, which is why we’re going to have a little chat now” said the doctor as he reached
their destination.

Once inside the confines of Shin’s office, the doctor has dropped his cheeky facade in favour of the
more uncommon, nevertheless much needed; that of a professional.

“Tell me Izuku, how do you feel about meeting Bakugou?” asked Shin, hoping to go straight to the
topic, but leaving the question open enough for his patient.

“I-it’s a lot of-” started Izuku, not yet knowing how to articulate all of the complex feelings
swirling together in his psyche, into some sort of a coherent answer “-uugh!” he finished, voice full
of helplessness, his posture speaking “I don’t know”, which is still more than he managed to say
out loud.

“Okay, that’s...something” replied the doctor, a bit disappointed in the lack of coherent response.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, a lot. Honestly, I don’t know what to expect. He has way too much pride to
apologise, although our parents will be there so he’ll probably try to behave more decent with them
around. But even if he does apologise, do I want to hear it? Is it going to change anything?” asked
Izuku, not expecting an answer.

“You know, my dream of being a hero is dead, and I’m alright with that. I felt like I was on a good
path of making peace with myself about that fact, like one day I could look back on it and think
fondly of it as in ‘oh, every kid wanted to be a hero and save people’ and not be bitter about it-”
continued the boy, his fists clenched, the frustration in his voice growing every second, like a
volcano, waiting to erupt “-but he ruined it for me” he spat, full of venom.

“In what way did he ruin it for you?” prompted the doctor.

“To me a hero was someone who could always save everyone, someone who could always make
you feel relief upon their arrival no matter how bad the situation was. And Kacchan, he’s-he’s
anything BUT that. Having to see him will just remind me of this dream, of all the heroic qualities I
aspired for and couldn’t reach, and how someone like HIM, who only knows how to hurt others
will be able to reach that dream and ruin it! HE WILL TAKE EVERYTHING IT TAKES TO BE
A HERO AND RUIN IT!” screamed Izuku, breathing labored as he became overtaken by his
frustration and helplessness.

The doctor did not grace Izuku’s outburst with much of a reaction beyond widening his eyes ever
so slightly before looking back down to write some notes, already used to such behaviour on his
patient’s part. It tells him a lot about the boy’s repressed rage, caused by what he suspects is a mix
of admiration, envy and rather justifiable bitterness, which Izuku himself seems to be in denial of.

Speaking of, as the boy slowly regained his breath his face morphed into one full of fear rather
than anger as he became aware of is surroundings, the laughing clock, and the inevitable Bakugou-
shitshow that’s just around the corner.

“I-I, wh-what would I even say to him when I see him?!” asked Izuku, eyes full of panic.

“I think everything you said just now” replied Shin.

He then stood up from his chair and started to wheel Izuku out of his office, in the direction of his
hospital room, the atmosphere between them clear from any traces of Izuku’s outburst.

“Do you want me to be in the room with you for moral support? Or do you want me to wait
outside?”

“I think I want you to be there with me”

“That’s fine then. Let’s get this shitshow started”

“Hey! That’s my line”

Soon they have found themselves back in Izuku’s room, who was hoisted up back onto the bed
with the help of one of the nurses, his leg elevated like when he first woke up. Shin was keeping
himself busy in the corner by reading through Izuku’s hero notebooks, his face solemn, but eyes
full of wonder. It was a face Izuku has never seen before, but he wasn’t going to ask about it now,
not when the peace within the room was nothing more than a bubble, ready to burst any minute.

Just because he was expecting it did not mean he was prepared, so when the door opened Izuku’s
attention was drawn instantly.

Izuku looked like shit, he knew that much. The bags under his eyes told the tales of sleepless nights
spent on nothing but staring at the piles upon piles of notebooks, never to be read again. His hair
was a mess, like a bird’s nest, nothing unusual, except it was longer, the extra length swirling at
the sides, on his face; the proof on an inevitable passage of time. Has it really been a month?

Well, here goes nothing.

He looked like shit, and he wasn’t going to pretend any different. He didn’t know what to expect
when Kacchan made an entrance, but it certainly wasn’t for his childhood friend tormentor’s face
to mirror the misery he felt, instead of the usual scowl matched with the condescending look.

It made him somewhat angry.

A lot things made him angry recently.

Upon Kacchan’s entrance, Shin acknowledged his presence ever so briefly before going back to
flipping through Izuku’s hero notes, volume 13 to be exact. If he didn’t know better Izuku
would’ve thought that Shin was trying to rub it in Kacchan’s face.

He was soon followed in by his parents and last but not least, Izuku’s mother who quickly went and
sat by Izuku’s side and held his hand to provide some motherly comfort.

The room was soon filled with a strangled silence, neither of the parties knowing what to say, not
wanting to start this rollercoaster.

The problem was soon solved as Mrs. Bakugou elbowed her son roughly on the side “Don’t you
have something to say, you little shit?” she whispered, her powerful voice making it loud enough
for everyone in the room to hear.
Izuku was going to give it to Bakugou, he looked guilty enough, alright. Quite uncomfortable as
well, reminding him of all the visits his homeroom teacher has paid him over the course of the last
month. Since walking in he hasn’t looked at Izuku even once, instead trying to find something to
focus on in his surroundings. It definitely wasn’t his smartest idea. As soon Bakugou focused on
the volume 13, another reminder jabbing at his sides, he dared to trail his eyes up to the man
holding it, and was quickly met with the coldest, most cruel look he has ever experienced, that
physically makes him flinch.

‘Oh, so that’s what Shin meant when he said moral support’ thought Izuku.

Really, he almost felt bad for Kacchan. Almost.

“Oh, this better be good” said Izuku in spite of himself, with that dead flat tone, hoping it was
going to have the same effect on Bakugou as it does on Shin and make this shitshow a bit more
interesting.

It was enough to bring Bakugou’s attention back to Izuku, but before he could say anything he was
beat to it by Izuku.

“Listen, whatever you’ve got to say, frankly I don’t want to hear it. I’m not letting this trainwreck
become a sappy continuous wailing of ‘i’m sorry’s. I don’t care what issues you have with
quirkless people, or with your own anger, that’s something for you to deal with yourself. If my
forgiveness is just for you to soothe your bruised ego and lessen your guilt, then you sure as hell
ain’t getting it!” said Izuku, his tone cold, but harsh; harsher than what he was originally going for,
but it seemed to work just fine given that Bakugou looked taken aback by the spiteful attitude
displayed by his childhood friend, if he could even still be called that.

“But that’s not what you’re really here for, is it?” continued Izuku, this time more collected, as he
slowly turned in the direction of Bakugou’s parents putting on the most obnoxiously fake smile he
could muster.

“Kacchan’s quite great isn’t he? So smart, so athletic, and a strong quirk to boot it all, a hero
material no matter how you look at it” said Izuku in faux admiration as he listed off Bakugou’s
good qualities, as if he wasn’t in the room, having heard those complements one too many times
“He’ll surely get into UA without a problem, unless…” he trailed off, pretending to be deep in
thought “...unless all the bullying he’s done ends up in his record. After all, no school would accept
someone who encouraged their classmate to attempt suicide, and his chances of getting into UA
and becoming a hero will be as good as gone. Wouldn’t that be awful?” he finished, voice coated
with fake worry.
“So that’s what you want, take a fucking revenge on me, huh?! FINE, HAVE AT IT THEN! I
SURE HELL DESERVE IT DON’T I?!” screamed Bakugou, in what most would perceive as his
usual angry manner, but Izuku knew there was more to it. Rather than anger it came across as more
of a panic. Ah yes, panicked but not surprised. So even the ‘oh so great’ Bakugou knew he had it
coming, thought Izuku. Now, THIS was fun.

“You do. And I’m really tempted to get my revenge, but I won’t” stated Izuku.

“Why not? Where’s the catch?” asked Bakugou, getting slightly suspicious.

“Because becoming a hero was always your dream, just as it has been mine and I don’t make it a
habit of destroying people’s dreams-” answered Izuku in a slightly more neutral tone, preparing to
deliver the ultimate blow “-I’m not YOU” he finished, gathering all of his viciousness into this one,
final word.

That seemed to do it, Bakugou looked outright ashamed, having lost all of his desire to argue.
Pretty close to crying as well, if the trembling lip and twitch in his eye was anything to go by.

“Just so you know, I’m not letting you off the hook, you should fully appreciate the feeling of guilt
you know? It’s the only proof that you’re not a total scumbag if you’re feeling any remorse for
your actions. So how about this? Why don’t you repeat what you said to me that day, right here, in
front of your parents, my mum, my psychiatrist?” teased Izuku, feeling brave all of a sudden. It was
the first time since he met Bakugou, where he was the one in control. He could kind of understand
why Bakugou was such an ass all the time if this was the feeling that went with it. And to think he
literally had to brush against death to get to this point. He better be careful.

“Fuck no!” shouted Bakugou. He was getting annoyed, but also slightly scared if he was being
honest with himself. ‘Deku’ that he knew would never behave like that, he held no sadistic streak,
no guts to try and challenge him in such way. And this one, this one was unpredictable, so angry,
so vicious in the most passive-aggressive way. Is this what was left of Izuku once he snapped and
fell? For all he knew, the Midoriya Izuku that he knew all his life was already dead.

“Oh, you’re not fun!” complained Izuku. “Alright, how about I help you, yeah? C’mon, let’s say it
together!” explained the boy as he started moving his hands like a band director in Bakugou’s
direction, as if trying to get him to sing his part of the song.

Inko grabbed one of her son’s arms, trying to talk some sense into him “Izuku, don’t you think
that’s enough?” she said, while Bakugou looked at her with some sort of hope in his eyes.
“Nope, if anything I think Mr. and Mrs. Bakugou deserve to hear it for themselves, they deserve to
know what their son is capable of” he stated and turned back to Bakugou.

“Alright then, let’s say it at three, okay? One...two...three…”

“If you believe they’re holding your quirk over in the next world you should just dive off the
rooftop” the boys said in unison; Izuku in an overly cheerful voice, Bakugou in a flat, resigned
tone as he kept his eyes down, staring at the floor, not being able to bear the scandalised look on
his parents’ faces.

He was now crying, still refusing to look up.

“Now that that’s done, let’s get back to business. As I said, I won’t come forward and tarnish
Kacchan’s report, although I do expect some sort of compensation, after all my medical bills won’t
pay themselves. But that shouldn’t be a problem for you, right?” said Izuku, as he addressed
Kacchan’s parents. Really, it’s the least they could do, especially since it wasn’t exactly a secret
that his mother wasn’t doing doing so well financially, the monthly payments sent by his father
only being able to cover so much.

The Bakugou couple nodded quickly as they made their way towards their son in an effort to
comfort him.

“Oh, and Kacchan?” said Izuku as he addressed the distressed boy, this time more soft, more
sincere. He quickly turned to Shin, who stayed the entire time, quietly watching the situation
unfold. He gave Izuku a quick nod and a little smile to encourage him.

Bakugou who was now engulfed in his parents’ embrace looked over uncertainly.

“Ever since I was little I looked up to All Might, the number one hero who could save everyone
with a smile on his face. He became my ideal, my goal, something to aspire for, my definition of
heroism” Izuku said solemnly, the feeling of nostalgia creeping up on him “I’m still bitter about
having to give up on my dream, not because I’m lamenting about the unfairness of being born
quirkless, but because I live with knowledge that someone like you; for as strong as you are, you’re
equally self-centered, unbothered by well-being of others, only caring about fighting, will be able
to become a hero and contradict everything it always meant to be one. Congratulations Katsuki,
you’ve ruined it for me” said Izuku, the feeling of Kacchan’s full name on is tongue uncanny, but
fitting the current situation.
“So when you walk out of this room, I want you to work your ass off till the brink of exhaustion,
until you become the number one hero and rub it in my face, so that I won’t feel bad about loosing
my dream, knowing that it’s been tainted by you” said Izuku, his eyes filled with determination
“You’ve already ruined so many things, so why not go all the way?”

Bakugou, who seemed to regain some of the usually present fire in his eyes was quick to reply
“FUCK YOU DEKU, I don’t need you telling me what to do. I’m gonna become number one,
regardless of what you say!”

“That’s what I wanted to hear”

 On Wednesdays we challenge God to a fist fight
Chapter Summary

Would you look at this? It's 'bad decision' time, all the time.

Chapter Notes

hi! seeing as the previous chapter was heavy in emotional shit, i wanted this chapter to
be a bit of a silly breather if that makes sense. as always you can look at more
demise!au stuff on my blog: https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Izuku was tired.

It was nothing new per se, as for the last month the teenager has become very well acquainted with
the feeling of exhaustion as a side effect of his medication. “It’s normal” said Shin during their last
appointment “Your brain is still going through an adjustment period, and insomnia is a rather
common side effect of a lot of antidepressants”. So yeah, it was all good.

Except it wasn’t.

Given that no one was willing to rid the boy of his sleepless turmoil, Izuku decided to take the
matters into his own hands. Because fuck Shin. In the hindsight, all of this was a very bad idea.

It all started during one of his usual conversations with Mrs. Todoroki, only this time they were
joined by her daughter Fuyumi. The first observation Izuku made upon her entrance, was that this
young woman was almost a splitting image of Mrs. Todoroki, save for the hot red streaks in her
hair, undoubtedly inherited from her asshole father. After talking to her for a bit, Izuku was quite
pleased to learn that she has not in fact inherited her father’s god tier assholism. Izuku has never
met the man, he doesn’t need to, at least not yet.

After brief introductions they have resumed to their previous conversation.

“So how did meeting with piece of shit go?” asked Mrs. Todoroki, her question quickly followed
by Fuyumi’s scandalised expression at hearing her mother use such foul language.

“Meh, it was your typical melodrama bullshit. Some shouting and insults were thrown around, well
mostly by me, and crying” replied Izuku in a rather nonchalant fashion, completely disregarding
Fuyumi’s shock and confusion.

The word got round quickly in this ward, meaning that most of the patients and staff were in on
Izuku’s personal drama and so they all came to a silent agreement to refer to Bakugou as ‘piece of
shit’ and never call him by his actual name. And so over time Bakugou became the psychiatric
ward’s very own Voldemort. But Fuyumi doesn’t know that yet, bless her soul.

“You actually cried?”

“Oh no, not me, piece of shit did. Honestly you should’ve been there, Shin was there for emotional
support and kept staring daggers at him, it was hilarious” sneered the boy upon remembering the
Bakugou shitshow with some sort of twisted fondness. His enthusiasm was however quickly
disrupted by a long, loud yawn coming the boy’s mouth.

“Didn’t get a good night’s sleep?” asked Fuyumi.

“More like a good month’s sleep” snapped Izuku, rubbing his temples as much as the bandage
around his head allowed him to. “And that bitch Shin won’t prescribe me anything cause it would
clash with my antidepressants” scoffed the boy.

“You know that Dr. Iyashi cares about your wellbeing and wouldn’t want to give you anything
with nasty side-effects” said Mrs. Todoroki as she stroked Izuku’s shoulders in a gentle, matherly
manner.

“Wait a minute” chimed in Fuyumi “Prescription won’t do, but what about over the counter stuff?
There must be some sleep relief that you could take”.

“Oh, really?” said Izuku, with a hint of amusement and sarcasm “What are gonna do? Smuggle
some Quil into the hospital for me?”

The determined smile on Fuyumi’s face told Izuku that indeed, she would. ‘Well then’ thought
Izuku ‘This is going to be fun’.
The next day Izuku has found two bottles being dropped onto his lap, while the boy was busy
filling up his notebook with sketches of Endeavour being eaten alive by crocodiles. If you looked
closely enough you’d also notice that some of them contained an already half eaten Bakugou.

He raised his brow at the bottles, then looked up to see Fuyumi looking very smug.

“I got the Quil” she said, very proud of herself.

“I can see that” replied Izuku, looking back and forth between the two bottles “Why two?” he
asked, confusion and curiosity seeping into his voice.

“I forgot whether you needed DayQuil or NyQuil so I got you both!”

Looking at very pleased Fuyumi, Izuku didn’t have it in him to grace the statement with a proper
reply that wouldn’t point out the stupidity and irresponsibility of casually getting two substances
that are meant to do the exact opposite, which then lead to a train thought of ‘what if you mix
them?’.

“Thank you Fuyumi-neesan!”

And thus Izuku was left alone in his hospital room, the notebook long forgotten, staring at the
content of the two bottles, as the nerdy part of his brain deciding to wake up and cause drama. ‘If
you mix DayQuil and NyQuil, you end up with what, ForeverQuil? Or given that the substances
are meant to do the opposite would they cancel each other out and have no effect when consumed
simultaneously? No, that doesn’t seem right, it’s more likely that they would disturb a sleeping
pattern, but given that mine is already fucked, how would I be able to tell... ’

“SHIT, I’m mumbling again!”

So many questions that demand to be answered, a hypothesis that needs a confirmation and a
curiosity waiting around the corner, ready to kill the metaphorical cat.

“Ugh, fuck it” said Izuku as he gulped down both substances in one go.
That’s when everything went to shit.

At first he didn’t feel any different. He spent a good portion of time looking out of the window,
admiring the weather - it’s almost May so the days were getting brighter, warmer - waiting for
something, anything to happen.

Things got a bit blurry after a while. Izuku could feel his BRAIN getting blurry, which he didn’t
even know was possible. But apparently losing contact with reality does things to you.

As Izuku slowly regained clarity, the first thing he noticed was the sluggish feeling and the
pounding in his head, reminding him of the first time he woke up in this god forsaken loony bin.

The second thing he noticed was the darkness. At first, he thought that one of the nurses has closed
the curtains while he was out of it, but no, the curtains were open, and upon closer inspection Izuku
came to realisation that it was in fact, night time. Which was strange...to say the least, since it was
still sunny just a few seconds ago. ‘ Is this some sort of a quirk? Probably not. ’ he thought, which
meant there was only one option left.

“FUCKIN HELL I TRAVELLED THROUGH TIME!”

His shout was followed by a tired groan, which definitely did not belong to him.

“Dr. Iyashi, he’s at it again!” shouted Mrs. Todoroki.

Wait a minute, Mrs. Todoroki? When did she get here?

Izuku whipped his head to the side, where the woman was sitting in a chair by his bedside, with
Shin standing in the doorway, looking down at a clipboard.

“What the-shit did you get in here?” asked Izuku, his brain still sluggish and disoriented about the
whole situation.

Shin chooses that moment to walk into the room “Do you remember what happened?” he asked.
“No? I was sitting here and it was day and suddenly it’s night, so obviously it was Quil induced
time travel” said Izuku, as his lagging brain allowed for all the ridiculous bullshit to spill out of his
mouth.

Shin does not look impressed.

“You absolute, fucking idiot!” shouted the doctor “Why in the world would you mix DayQuil and
NyQuil together? Are you completely insane? What did you think would happen?!”

“First of all, if I was sane I wouldn’t even be here. Second of all, who told you about my Quil?”
asked the boy, his eyes suddenly focused, full of suspicion.

At that moment Fuyumi poked her head through the entrance and waved at Izuku as she made her
way through the room and stood by her mother’s side.

“Sorry, I had to tell him since it’s all my fault you went delirious in the first place” she said, her
face portraying nothing but guilt.

“It was very irresponsible of you!” said the doctor, his gaze switching between Izuku and Fuyumi
“Not only did you take medication against a doctor’s recommendation, you even roped others into
smuggling unauthorised substance into the hospital…”

And Shin went into the ‘ranting dad’ mode. It was a perfect time to zone out.

While the doctor was busy lecturing everyone about the dangers of overdosing and mixing
medications, Izuku picked up the discarded notebook in hopes of finishing that sketch of
Endeavour being devoured by crocodiles. His drawing skills were improving, that’s for sure.
Maybe once he’s finished he’d show it to Mrs. Todoroki.

‘ I think she would like that ’ thought Izuku.

Except when he opened his notebook on the most recent page, instead of Endeavour massacre,
Izuku was met with lines upon lines of text, written in what can only be described as very rushed
and frenzied handwriting, which undeniably belonged to Izuku. The pages were also adorned with
big bold letters at the top stating ‘ENDEAVOUR THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL’.

‘ When did I write that?! ’ Izuku was rather astonished as he started to skim through his writing and
came to a conclusion that what he was reading was in fact a conspiracy theory. A very detailed one
at that.

“Izuku, are you listening?” asked the doctor.

“No” he replied absentmindedly.

But the writing in his notebook and the overall situation left Izuku very confused. The moonlight
illuminated parts of the room, a reminder of a mysterious time slip, which apparently was not quil
induced time travel. Izuku needed the answers, and he needed them NOW.

“Can anyone tell me what happened?”

His question was met with a long, awkward silence, as the other individuals in the room looked at
one another, not knowing what to say.

“Alright…” Mrs. Todoroki broke the silence “...where do we start?”

………………………………………………………………………………

Iyashi Shin was finally having his well deserved lunch break. After starting his shift at 6 am, he
felt exhausted and he was barely halfway through. And so Shin planned to have a short nap during
his break to recharge. ‘ What am I, an old man? ’ he thought to himself ‘Probably, at least I’m on a
good way to becoming one. Not getting any younger either, I’m turning forty next year. ’

‘ Ugh, this calls for a mid-life crisis nap ’ he thought while lying on the couch in his office, being
slowly lulled to sleep by the ticking of the clock.

Suddenly Shin was awakened by an obnoxiously loud laugh coming from the corridor. He was
annoyed at having his nap interrupted, but the annoyance was outweighed by sheer curiosity, as
one does not get a lot of laughing in this part of the hospital.
The doctor soon got up and opened the door he was once again met with the obnoxious laugh,
only this time louder as it came from a man who was currently walking out of Izuku’s room.

“Haha...it was nice talking to you Midoriya. I’m glad you’re in a good mood” called out the man
“I’ll be back tomorrow to check your homework!”

‘ Homework? Ah, it must be Izuku’s teacher ’ thought Shin with a bit of suspicion as he
remembered his patient talking about his homeroom teacher in a … less than friendly manner.

‘ So why would the laugh? I thought Izuku hated the guy .’

As the teacher walked away from Izuku’s room he bumped into Shin, who was standing in the
middle of the corridor, lost in thought.

“Ah, Dr. Iyashi didn’t see you there!” exclaimed the teacher. He sure was in a good mood, a stark
contrast to his usual visits.

“Good afternoon, how was your visit?” asked Shin, trying to squeeze out some details out of the
man.

The teacher laughed again trying to get a hold of himself “Oh it was great, I haven’t laughed so
much in ages. Whatever meds you put him on, they’re doing god’s work!”

“Really? What did Izuku say?”

“You know Bakugou-kun, right?”

“Of course, the one responsible for the shitstorm that is Izuku’s depression” stated the doctor as a
matter of fact.

The teacher stilled his movement, unprepared for the blatant statement. Trying to dissolved the
tension, he continued “Yeah, him. Anyways, Midoriya was asking about him and he seemed stuck
on on his name so he said…” he stopped for a bit, trying to mimic his student’s voice and speaking
manner “ ‘you know the angry, shouty one, what was his name...Fuckugou?’ and I just lost it right
there! Buahaha!” sneered the teacher, waiting for Shin to have a similar reaction.

And boy was he not disappointed.

“Fuckugou!” exclaimed Shin “That’s a good one, gotta tell it to the nurses, it will spread like
wildfire!”

………………………………………………………………………………

“Fuckugou?” asked Izuku.

“Fuckugou” confirmed Shin.

“That...is funny as hell, but it doesn’t really sound like me.”

“I know, which is why I was concerned. Mind you I still needed my nap, so I asked Mrs. Todoroki
to keep an eye on you in the meanwhile” explained the doctor as both him and Izuku turned their
heads in the direction of the white haired woman.

………………………………………………………………………………

Mrs. Todoroki was having a good day. And by good she meant boring. In all honesty there’s only
so much a person can do in this place before being driven further into insanity. She was currently
sitting in the common room in the company of her daughter who has dropped in earlier to give
Izuku the sleeping medication they talked about yesterday.

Which is why she was more than a little surprised when Dr. Iyashi approached her, asking to keep
an eye on Izuku, who right now should be sleeping like a baby from the medication.

Nevertheless she agreed, as the doctor seemed deeply concerned about the boy who has managed
to settle himself nice and cosy in a particular place in her heart; reserved exclusively for her
children. ‘ Well then ’ thought the woman as she came to a realisation ‘ Looks like I now have five
children. ’

Just as Mrs. Todoroki considered brushing off Dr. Iyashi’s concerns, her train of thought was
disrupted by a maniacal laugh that belonged to no other than Izuku himself.

The teenager in question wheeled himself into the common room at a speed that should not be
achievable for a wheelchair, his hair wilder than usual, eyes wide open, pupils dilated. The boy’s
face was devoid of any sanity.

“HOLY SHIT MRS. TODOROKI!” he screamed.

“Are you high?” she asked, full of disbelief at the state the boy was in.

“I got the answers” announced Izuku, completely disregarding the woman’s question.

“What answers?”

“All the answers! To everything! I CAN FEEL THE UNIVERSE EXPANDING IN MY BONES!”
shouted Izuku, further disturbing and scaring other occupants of the room.

‘ Oh, is this why Dr. Iyashi was concerned? What do I do with him? ’

“Right…” said Mrs. Todoroki, hoping to distract the boy for a bit “...why don’t you sit with me
and Fuyumi and tell us all the answers? Just remember to keep your voice down” she added in her
motherly tone.

Although Izuku seemed quite out of contact with reality, he did as he was told. After wheeling
himself next to Fuyumi he whipped out one of his notebooks seemingly out of nowhere and began
to speak.

“From the evolutionary standpoint my existence is a liability to human advancement. Every year
the number of people born quirkless decreases as our gener are to be replaced with the superior
ones of those with quirks. I’m going extinct! Both my parents have quirks, yet I was born without
one, I’m an anomaly I SHOULD CEASE TO EXIST!” screeched Izuku as he seemed to be having
an existential crisis that was accompanied by what he thought were diagrams from his notebook,
which to everyone besides him looked like a bunch of gibberish and nonsense.

“WHY DO I EXIST?” screamed the boy in agony as once again he began to wheel himself at an
impossible speed out of the room.

The Todoroki women were left stunned, looking at one another and then back at the spot
previously occupied by the insane teenager.

“What did you give him?” asked the mother.

“The Quil”

“What Quil?”

“All the Quil.”

“Go and get Dr. Iyashi. I’ll stay here in case Izuku comes back” she said while rubbing her temples
out of frustration.

………………………………………………………………………………

“Oh, fuck, what happened after that?” asked Izuku, no longer in disbelief, but amusement.
While he had no recollection of any of this happening he felt like he was listening to a rundown of
an episode from ‘ it’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia ’.

He seemed to be the only one enjoying himself though. The adults in the room on the other hand
were very much tired of his shit after having to deal with Quil induced Izuku the whole day.

“You wheeled yourself around the ward while screaming ‘I challenged God to a knife fight’. What
actually happened was you stole a scalpel from a surgeon, don’t know how, and started stabbing
one of the All Might sketches in your notebook” relayed Mrs. Todoroki in the most flat and no-
bullshit tone she could manage.
 “Haha, yeah that sounds like me!”

“Now then…” announced Shin as he stood up addressing everyone at once“...it’s been a long day
for everyone. Mrs. Todoroki please go back to your room for today. Ms. Fuyumi, thank you for
everything. I will see you again. Izuku, you little shit, we’re going to have a talk.”

As the two women got up and left the room, Izuku was left alone with his psychiatrist. While he
knew that Shin was only concerned about his well being he didn’t look forward to being nagged by
the doctor again.

Instead of talking, Shin just ripped of a piece of paper from his clipboard and handed it to Izuku
without any explanation.

“Any what is this?” asked Izuku, eyeing the piece of paper suspiciously.

“ A prescription for Ramelteon” says Shin “It’s most commonly used as antidepressant, but it also
works as a sleeping drug. It’s also one of very few that does not lead to a dependence. Take this to
the dispensary now, they will sort everything out and you will be getting your dose from tomorrow
evening onwards.”

“I know I was very reluctant to give you anything besides antidepressants…” he continues “...but
I’d rather do this than have you going batshit crazy with whatever alternatives you’re willing to try.
Please be careful in the future Izuku, I mean it” he finishes with a warning tone.

“Can’t promise anything” said Izuku, his voice full of mischief.

“In that case I can’t promise that I won’t smack you on the head next time you pull of shit like this”
replied the doctor, as he walked out of his patient’s room, hiding his smile behind the clipboard.

Chapter End Notes

the 'fuckugou' idea belongs to: https://boku-no-meme-academia.tumblr.com/

 Forgive me father for I have fucked up
Chapter Summary

Having a healthy relationship with your father is so out of style.

Chapter Notes

Hi! Happy new year. Here's another update. This chapter is much shorter than the last
few, but i guess i didn't want to put too much stuff in this one. I kinda missed the
shorter format of shapters. that's jsut my thing. anyway hope you enjoy. as always go
to my tumblr for more demise!au stuff:
gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/tagged/demise%21au/chrono/

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Another day, another opportunity to piss off your psychiatrist. Because when life gives you lemons
you squeeze them to get the juice in Shin’s eyes.

“-now this time I want you to open up a new page in your notebook and fill it with all of your good
qualities” said Shin as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

“My what now?” asked Izuku, feeling very unimpressed and maybe slightly sarcastic, but not too
much since he already had lunch.

“Izuku!” exclaimed the doctor in his usual halharted threatening tone “we’ve talked about this.”

“No, we didn’t! You talked about this, and I pretended to listen while plotting Endeavour’s
murder” said the boy as a matter of fact while flipping through his notebook and pointing to a
particular page titled ‘KILL ENDEAVOUR’ to prove his point.

“See? That’s another thing” shouted Shin as he stood up and pointed at his patient “What’s up with
your fixation on Endeavour?”

“He’s an ass”
“No that’s not it...I mean it kinda is, but that’s not your main problem. There’s plenty of assholes
you could be fixated on, Fuckugou would’ve been a better choice, given that he actually fucked
you up, yet somehow…” the doctor trailed off, hoping to achieve a dramatic effect, which was not
dramatic, just straight up annoying - according to Izuku at least.

“...somehow, you’re hyper fixated on this one asshole who you’ve never even met in your life, who
hasn’t done anything to you, who you haven’t had any contact with whatsoever. You know what I
think?” he asked cheekily.

“No, but I’m probably about to find out” said Izuku, rather unimpressed with his doctor’s childish
behaviour.

“I think…” there he goes again with the annoying pause.

“JUST GET FUCKIN ON WITH IT!”

“Alright, alright. I think that deep down it all goes back to your father-”

“For fucks sake, Shin not again. Literally every session you bring up my dad at some point. I don’t
even know why you want me to talk about him, because THERE ISN’T ANYTHING TO TALK
ABOUT! I haven’t seen this man since i was a little kid, I don’t remember shit about him, and yet
you fixate on him. Now which one of us has daddy issues, huh?!” shouted Izuku as he overflowed
with irritation. The topic of his dad was a bit of a sore spot for him and he knew it. And Shin knew
it just as much. So why would he try to poke and pry on purpose, knowing how much it would
agitate his patient?

“With you it’s always daddy issues, or mommy issues, it’s such a Freudian thing, you’re practically
fixated on it” exclaimed Izuku, trying to divert the attention from the topic, as well as blow off
some steam by messing with the psychiatrist “Is there anything you’d like to tell me? Do you
perhaps want to fuck Freud?”

“Izuku, what the actual fuck!” shouted the doctor, feeling slightly disturbed by the boy’s mental
gymnastics that lead to this conclusion.

“Two can play that game, Shin”

“No, no, no! We’re not doing it, I see what you’re doing and we’re not going off the topic. Back to
the problem” said the doctor as he glared at the boy, wanting to get back to the main problem
rather entertain Izuku by indulging him in his shenanigans.

“Because your father left so early you now have this internal unresolved conflict that you refer to as
‘daddy issues’ that you simply refuse to acknowledge and deal with, which is why you’re going to
be bitter and sensitive about the subject and never be able to move on, unless you actually face it
like an adult” said Shin in a gentle voice, one that Izuku has never heard before, and barely
recognized as belonging to this man. It was one of those rare moments when shin showed him a
different side of himself that Izuku knew meant something important.

“Alright then you Freudfucker, enlighten me about my daddy issues and how do they relate to my
Endeavour hatred” said Izuku as he mentally patted himself on the back for coming up with
‘Freudfucker’.

The doctor glared at him, but otherwise did not acknowledge the new insult, insead he opened up
his notes about the unruly patient and began to elaborate on the origins of the ‘daddy issues’.

“Due to the distance between your father and yourself there is a gap of some sort where a ‘father’
figure is ought to be. Basically any male figure who you look up to, admire, learn from. When it
comes to you Izuku, that gap has been filled by All Might for a very long time, which makes sense
if you look at it; it’s a very distant admiration of a person who you have no interaction with, the
same way you have no interaction with your father.”

“Ok, that sounds like some Freudian shit, but ok” said Izuku, feeling a bit skeptical, but still
curious about where all of this is going.

“After your suicide attempt and letting go of your dreams to be a hero All Might is no longer a
centre of your universe, he is no longer an aspiration, therefore the gap remains empty once again.
Right now you’re angry, you’re bitter and for good reasons. However there is also this anger
towards your father, which you refuse to touch upon or even acknowledge, which caused you to
look for another target so to say. I’m not saying you see Endeavour as a father figure, but he’s an
excellent scapegoat for your anger as it allows you to both be angry on someone else’s behalf over
his shitty behaviour, as well as project your own feelings. Again a distant, one-sided interaction,
the same way as with your father, because you simply don’t know how to do it any other way.”

The long winded explanation of the doctor was followed by a pregnant silence as the teen was still
trying to process everything the psychiatrist said to him. He felt the usual irritation’ a byproduct of
his defences when it came to being analysed to a point where you’re unsure of your own
motivations and identity. It felt like being scratched on the inside, knowing that it’s there, but
unable to touch it yourself. The vulnerability that came with those sessions was something Izuku
will never become fully comfortable with, but he’s smart enough to know that it’s not meant to be
pleasant, it’s meant to be helpful.

“What the fuck” said Izuku, softly, but full of emotions that he cannot yet comprehend.

“Sorry, was it a bit too much?” asked Shin sheepishly, feeling that he overwhelmed the teenager.

“A bit is a strong word.”

“Yeah”

The silence dragged on, neither knowing how to continue the session. To be fair the session was
almost over anyway. Shin looked at his watch awkwardly, then back at Izuku hoping that the boy
will get the hint and end his misery. The man really hated being put in such tense, awkward
situations.

“So…” he said, standing up from the chair and heading towards the door.

“Time’s up?” asked Izuku as he slowly started to wheel himself out of the room.

“Don’t worry, we will continue next session. I’m glad that we finally broke through your defences
when it comes to the topic of your father. I hope we can make more progress from now on”

“Oh yeah? Well I hope to win a lottery, but life is not a wish-a-bitch” said Izuku sarcastically.

Just as the boy was about to leave the room he was smacked on the head with a clipboard.

“Oi, what did I say before? Don’t get cocky with me. And don’t forget to do what I asked you to. I
know it seems silly, but it’s an opportunity for you to look at yourself beyond the image of a
‘quirkless, pitiful boy’ that the whole world around you insists on. You’re more than an extra joint
in your foot.” said Shin in that inspirational tone that always irked Izuku.
“We’ll see about that”

………………………………………………………………………………

The next day Shin found a very familiar notebook stuck on the door to his office with a note
attached saying ‘did my homework like a good student ;)’.

‘Suspicious’ thought Shin ‘very suspicious’.

He grabbed the notebook and went into the office, already dreading whatever it was he was about
to see.

While flicking through many pages of personal thoughts, Endeavour related conspiracies and very
graphic drawings depicting the hero’s death, the doctor has finally reached the last page titled ‘The
Awesomeness of Midoriya Izuku’.

What followed was a list of ‘good qualities’, most of which in Shin’s opinions would be more
suitable in the context have they been titled ‘How to be a perfect criminal’.

‘Superb murder planning’

‘Can sing All Might’s theme song while asleep’

‘Would be a good stalker’

‘No self preservation (survival is for the weak)’

The doctor sighed and closed the notebook, feeling already tired despite the fact that his shift
hasn’t even began. This was going to be another long day.

“IZUKU!”
Chapter End Notes

i did a post on izuku's father, including a little drawing of what i think he might look
like, you can check it out here:
https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/post/169199821248/on-izukus-father-midoriya-
hisashi
 Don’t do school, drink your sleep
Chapter Summary

Who needs education when you can have an unplanned family reunion.

Chapter Notes

what's up! this will be the alst chapter for a while, since i have a lot of things in school
happening right now, so im gonna go on a month long break from writing fanfics to
finish off all my stuff (i have a deadline in february), also do not forget to check out
'corespondence of modoriya hisashi' a side story to the demise!au.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL?” screamed Inko at the
top of her lungs, an image of distraught painted atop of her face.

“I’m not going back, simple as that” relied Izuku as a matter of fact “And please don’t shout, it’s a
hospital” he added, trying to calm down his mother.

“But...but why? I thought you were doing so well” pleaded Inko, unable to comprehend her son’s
questionable decision making skills.

“I AM doing well, which is why I decided not to go back to school. It’s not like I’m dropping out, I
will still study at home, and I will come to school to write the exam, but I don’t want to go back
there, never again” said the boy, in hopes of convincing his mother.

This was something he thought about recently. During his recent medical check-up Dr. Kenko
informed him that his leg was healing up properly and that next week he will have the cast taken
off. It should’ve been a good news for Izuku, it really should’ve.

Instead, it brought a wave of dread.

Taking the cast off meant that Izuku would soon leave the hospital, followed by what would be a
sad comeback to reality; a somewhat separate domain to that of the hospital where the days blur
together and the passage of time doesn’t seem quite as real. It’s comforting, living in this limbo
with no past and no future, only the present where your biggest worry is having to take the
medicine on time and what food the nurse would bring you this time. It’s peaceful in a sense that
your days are occupied by sessions with a somewhat eccentric psychiatrist, conversations with
ever-so nice Mrs. Todoroki and daily shenanigans all brought together by the smell of death and
medicine, seeping in, becoming part of your being. He wasn’t ready to leave all of this behind.

Has anyone told Izuku a month ago that he would grow used to the hospital and would dread
leaving, he would’ve grabbed Shin’s clipboard and smack them on the head.

Now though.

Now things were different.

Izuku wasn’t looking forward to a pathetic pity party awaiting him at school where everyone was
“so worried” about him and “hope you’re feeling better”. All of them were obnoxious liars,
pretending to care, to lessen their guilt, to try and convince me and themselves of their
righteousness and innocence.

It was all stupid and Izuku wanted no part in this bullshit.

He told Shin as much, except not really. He wrote about it in his journal and left it at the doctor’s
office for him to read.

And maybe he could’ve done a better job and writing out his thoughts, because ‘FUCK SCHOOL,
PITY PARTY, FAKE CARING’ probably wasn’t the easiest thing to read and understand, but
Shin managed to get the whole picture anyway, which just shows how well he knows Izuku at this
point.

Damn he was good at his job.

And so, after thinking about this dilemma for a very long time, Izuku came to the conclusion that in
order to regain peace he just won’t go back to school.

Was he running away from his problems? Obviously!

Did he care? No, not really.

To be fair, Izuku’s idea wasn’t all that bad considering Shin actually agreed with him, which
happens...never.

“I think you’re right” he said to Izuku, when the latter presented him with the idea.

To say Izuku was shocked would be an understatement. And as such he couldn’t think of a snarky
comeback of any sort, so he settled for a good old meme.

“Why would you say something so controversial, yet so brave?” said Izuku, with as much
dramatism as physically possible.

“This is why I don’t like to agree with you” said Shin, looking ever so unimpressed. It’s like being
unimpressed was this man’s personality trait. Slightly concerning and very unnecessary.

And he went off on a tangent again.

Right now he’s supposed to be dealing with his mom, trying to convince her that he’s not a lunatic
about to jeopardize his own education.

“Look mom, I know it doesn’t sound great, but I talked about it with my psychiatrist and he agrees
with me. Why don’t I call for him right now and he can explain everything to you?” he really
hoped that with Shin as the voice of reason things would go well.

Izuku grabbed the remote used for calling the nurses and pressed the red button. Not a minute later
the nice, if not slightly gossipy, four-armed nurse entered the room.

“Shoji-san, could you possibly go and get Dr. Iyashi if it’s not too much trouble?” he asked as
politely as possible, since he was still in his mother’s presence. Gotta keep up the appearances.
Izuku is sure that his mother would faint if she found out how much of a chaotic garbage on fire
her son has become over the course of his stay.

Unfortunately Shin had to fuck it all up with his grand entrance, which consisted of kicking the
door open and shouting “What do you want you gremlin?! Haven’t you tortured me enough
today?!”

Needless to say Izuku shot him a stink eye so intense it could make children cry, but not Shin,
because he’s ever-so unimpressed bitch. Maybe that’s his quirk? Izuku hasn’t figured that one out.

“Shin, not now” he said, while pointing to his slightly confused, but mostly scandalised mother.

The doctor glanced over at Izuku’s mother and in the blink of an eye a mask of professionalism
returned on his face. It was something izuku hasn’t seen since their very first session.

“Um, sorry about that Midoriya-san, how can I help you?”

Inko snapped out of her initial shock as she acknowledged the doctor.

“Oh, it’s about izuku not wanting to go to school. He said that you talked it over with him.”

“Yes, of course. As Izuku’s doctor it is my priority for him to recover as much as possible and to
be able to function in the world despite of his ‘disadvantage’. But most importantly he needs to
heal, emotionally that is, and I don’t think going back to that school would be helpful in any way,
the environment would only cause him more grief” said Shin, as he delivered the speech in a
detached, clinical manner like a true doctor who you cannot win an argument with. It was going
good, he continued.

“I understand your concerns regarding your son’s education, however transferring him to a
different school, especially at this time would only cause him more stress, so studying at home is
the best option for now. Besides Izuku is very intelligent, so I don’t think this arrangement will
stunt his learning process in any way. That is why I believe Izuku should be homeschooled until
the end of the year. Once he enters high school he will be able to have a new start towards better
life.”

Both the doctor and Izuku have stared intensely at Inko, waiting for the woman to make a final
decision.

“I-I think you make a good point. I want Izuku to be happy just like you, it’s just-”
She was interrupted by another person slamming the door open.

Before anyone had the chance to turn their heads and see who the intruder was a loud wail of
“IZUKU!” was heard as a tall man in a trenchcoat ran inside the room and tackled the disoriented
teenager.

“Hisashi?!”

“Wait-what? DAD?!”

“Izuku!”

“Inko!”

“Can somebody tell me what is going on?!” shouted very confused Shin.

Izuku pointed to the man hugging the life out of him “Oh, that’s my dad” he said almost in
disbelief at his own words.

The man - Hisashi being none the wiser got off the bed and reached out to shake Shin’s hand.

“Hi doctor, I’m Hisashi, Izuku’s father”

The psychiatrist had a moment of epiphany as he absentmindedly shook Hisashi’s hand.

“OH MY GOD, IT’S YOU!”

“IT’S ME!”
 Sheep off course
Chapter Summary

Illegally smuggled animals are a good conversation starter.

Chapter Notes

I apologize for the long wait. If any of you follow me on tumblr you will know that i
was overwhelmed with school stuff, as well the general struggle that this chapter was.
I would suggest checking my tumblr since i got some art done since the last chapter
and also i will be drawing some more things soon:
https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/

on a side note, writing this chapter remeinded me that i need to finish off the
correspondence of midoriya hisashi

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“-so technically I’m not supposed to be here since my job isn’t done, but with a bit of imagination
and a stolen boat you can get far in life” said Hisashi as he sat on Izuku’s bed, retelling the events
of his long journey that lead him to the current setting.

“Oh god!” lamented Shin, looking back and forth between the freckled father-son duo. “It’s
genetic!” he said, despite being ignored in this impromptu family reunion.

“So you swam all the way to Japan on a stolen boat?” the boy asked calmly, almost too calmly as
noted by Shin, although he can’t be certain given that it’s his first time observing the interactions
between the two.

“Yep”

“Cool, what else did you steal?”

Hisashi’s face lit up instantly at the question as he stood up and ran out of the room before
muttering ‘be right back’, leaving the remainder of the Midoriya family and one psychiatrist very
confused to say the least. Given what the doctor knew so far of the distance between the Midoriya
patriarch and the rest of the family, the level of casualness on Izuku’s part felt rather off.
Soon enough, the man’s deep voice travelled through the corridor accompanied by an extra set of
‘footsteps’.

“I wanted to get you something to cheer you up, since you’ve been in the hospital for so long” said
Hisashi as he neared the room “And I thought to myself ‘what would be a better gift than a-”

“Baaaa~”

Silence fell upon the room, as everyone’s eyes immediately travelled to the source of the sound;
currently being lead on a leash by Hisashi himself.

“What the fuck?” murmured Izuku, his voice devoid of everything but confusion.

“Izuku, language!” shouted Inko, scandalized at her son’s foul mouth.

“Is that a fucking sheep?!” said Shin, his composure and god-tier bitch face gone.

“Oh, so he can swear but I can’t?!” whined Izuku at his mother as he pointed at his doctor, like a
whiny teenager he never got to be.

“Enough!”

All heads turned and silence once again overtook the room as Hisashi slammed his hand against
the wall, making the sheep jump in surprise.

It didn’t last long however, as Izuku was quick to recover his spiteful fire fueled by daddy issues.

“And who are you to tell me what to do?!” sneered Izuku “Your ass disappeared on us for ten
fuckin’ years and yet here you are, swaggering your way in on a stolen boat with a goat-”

“-a sheep!” interrupted Hisashi.

“-like it’s nothing! So you better start explaining yourself, or God help me I’m gonna send you to
the seventh circle of hell and not even my broken leg will stop me!!!” shouted Izuku, all of his
frustrations seeping out of his body, into his voice, the feeling reminding him of the Bakugou
Shitshow. Except he didn’t feel any satisfaction associated with his last tantrum. It was nothing
like getting back at those who wronged you, it was pure anger and betrayal burning at his very
core, unstable and intangible at the lack of a proper outlet.

‘How dare he?’ thought Izuku ‘After all these years, how dare he show his face, especially now?’

That won’t do, oh no. running on sheer spite won’t get him far, no this time, he already knew that.
Unfortunately knowing what not to do doesn’t guarantee knowing the right answer either, so
swallowing what little pride he managed to build up over his stay Izuku turned around and looked
at Shin, eyes of a lost and hopeless child searching for adult’s wisdom.

And once again Shin gave in and flashed his favourite (he’d rather die than admit it) patient a smile
in reassurance, as he looked back at Izuku’s father, uncertain of how to handle the situation when
the source of the boy’s turmoil happened to be his father and not a cocky 14 year old with
superiority complex and anger issues.

Whatever it was Izuku was searching for in his smile he seemed to have found it as his expression
has softened just a little, with the usual shit eating grin once again shining through the clouds of
uncertainty. After exchanging a nod between each other, both Izuk and Shin turned to look back at
the situation at hand.

And maybe, just maybe the doctor was feeling a little mischievous himself, enough to offer some
of his ‘moral support’.

“This little shit right here-” stated the doctor as he pointed at Izuku who in return flashed him a
middle finger at a speed of light to avoid his mother’s judgement “-has a lot of issues. A solid 70%
of which are your fault. So as both Izuku’s psychiatrist and a hoe for drama I’m going to ask you to
start spilling the tea, and be quick, cause I’ve got a group anger management session to run in an
hour” he finished his flat delivery, tapping his watch to indicate the hurry while maintaining eye
contact with Hisashi.

“Careful Shin, your sass is showing” commented the boy in a rather dry tone.

Their banter however dissolved immediately as Hisashi’s playful demeanor diminished and Shin
was met with the murderous gaze that could rival that of his own. The gruff man addressed his son
without taking his eyes of bespeckled doctor “Does he have to be here for this?” asked Hisashi,
making his displeasure known.

“He’s not going anywhere!” exclaimed Izuku, extending his arm in Shin’s direction “He’s here as
my moral support, so if you wanna say anything just fuckin do it!”

“I took an oath of confidentiality, so whatever is said in this room is not going anywhere”
announced the doctor, hoping to dissolve at least some of the tension and hostility between father
and son.

“You’re practically a stranger, and I’m supposed to trust you with our secrets?” asked Hisashi
suspiciously.

“Hisashi!” said Inko as she pleaded with her husband “Ever since Izuku came here, he’s been doing
great all thanks to Doctor Iyashi. I trust this man with our son’s life, so we might as well trust him
with everything else.”

After a seemingly endless stretch of silence, the freckled man sighed with defeat “Fine” he
murmured “but I’m letting you know that this is going to be a long ride.”

“So-” paused Hisashi as he once again sat by Izuku’s bedside facing the splitting image of himself
and a decade worth of regrets ”Where do you want to start this interrogation of yours?”

“From the very beginning” stated Izuku as a matter of fact.

“And that would be?”

“Your job”

“What about it?”

“Don’t play with me!” scoffed Izuku “To begin with I don’t even know what your job is or where
exactly you work. Legally no company can send their employee abroad for more than 24 months at
a time, which means that in the last 10 years you had to be back four or five times for down time
before being sent out again. So my first question is where the FUCK were you and what were you
doing?” he asked, tone malicious, full of accusations.

“I don’t work for a company” said Hisashi. It was slow, hesitant, uncertain; it gave Izuku that
feeling that whatever he was about to hear he wasn’t going to like, but it was something he
desperately needed to know.

“I’m well- the best way to describe it would be self employed, I go and do my job, the word gets
around, more requests come in, and before you know it you’re halfway across the world in hiding,
because your last target was the leader of a sex-trafficking ring and a better half of all organized
crime groups in the world are out for your BLOOD!”

“A leader of sex-trafficking ring is out for you blood?!” shouted Izuku. To say he was shocked was
an understatement. While sometimes he toyed with the idea of his father being a secret agent, spy
or a criminal as one does when you’re a child with too much imagination and too little truth, he
never thought any of this was even close to reality.

“No, no, no. I killed him, so his accomplices were out for my blood, but that’s old news anyway”
said Hisashi dismissively.

“I don’t get paid enough for this” murmured Shin, as he stood in the corner of the room, massaging
his temples in preparation for an oncoming headache.

After a long pause it seemed as though Izuku finally processed the absurdity that was his father’s
profession. “Wow” whispered Izuku as he turned to once again look his father in the eye, ready to
face the reality “You killed a person” he said, in the same monotone voice usually reserved for
fucking with his psychiatrist.

“I killed a lot of persons” said Hisashi, mimicking his son’s tone of voice.

Oddly enough Inko remained quiet the entire time. Whenever the topic of his dad came up Inko
never spoke poorly of her husband despite having to raise their son by herself. If anything Izuku
remembers his mother looking very fondly whenever she talked about Hisashi, full of love and
understanding despite the distance between them.

“Mom, you knew about all of this?” asked Izuku, despite already knowing the answer.
“I never knew what to tell you. You dad’s job carries a lot of risks, both for him and for us. There’s
always this knowledge in the back of my head that something could go wrong during his
assignment and he could never come back. I didn’t want to burden you with that knowledge.” said
Inko as she looked up sadly at the two most important men in her life. “It was easier to say ‘Daddy
is working abroad’ than ‘Daddy is fighting international crime lords’ you know?” she asked, while
trying to laugh through her tears.

“Oh honey” exclaimed Hisashi as he stood up and hugged his wife.

“You’re always out and about getting yourself in danger you stupid man” said Inko, her voice
muffled as she was enveloped in her husband’s embrace.

“At least I’m your stupid man, and hey~ if it wasn’t for ‘getting yourself in danger’ we wouldn't
have met in the first place, remember?” asked Hisashi as he lovingly looked at his wife.

“Ugh, can you not?!” shouted Izuku in disgust at his parents’ display of affection.

“Wait, how DID you two meet?” asked Shin with a curiosity of long-time telenovela fan.

“Shin!”

“What? This is better than La Reina del Sur and let me tell you that is hard to beat” exclaimed the
doctor in a defensive tone.

“No offense but can we maybe get back on track?” asked Izuku, his tone full of offense.

“Oh, right!” said Inko, embarrassed as she returned to her previous spot “After you got your
diagnosis, I remember how broken you were, and as much as I wished that Hisashi was with us
during that time, he had to go, he had to do it for our wellbeing.”

“What do you mean for our wellbeing? Surely staying with us would’ve been better?” asked the
boy apprehensively, as he mentally prepared himself for a parade of excuses.
“Izuku” Hisashi called out to get his son’s attention “After you were born I started taking less
assignments since I hated being away from you and your mother, I wanted to quit all together,
but-” abruptly the man stopped as he remembered all the years he spent in separation from his dear
family and the events that lead up to that “-but in my line of work you don’t get to quit, you don’t
get to have a normal life. For the first time in my life I knew what it meant to be truly happy, you
and Inko are my only happiness and I’d hate myself if anything happened to you. Unfortunately my
work finally caught up to me and I could no longer keep you safe” he said regretfully. There was a
long pause that followed the statement.

“There was a rat amongst us” scoffed Hisashi, anger overtaking him upon remembering the feeling
of betrayal “He somehow got access to sensitive information; our private files, probably one of the
highest security files that were held. They had everything, our real names, everywhere we went,
everything we did, who we were before, ... our families” the man grew quieter, his voice trembling
as he listed off all the stolen secrets.

“Up until this day I don’t know how he got them, all I know is that one day everything was going
great and next day I’ve received an intel that one of my enemies got his hands on my files, and that
I quickly needed to disappear, or he’d come for me using any method available, including you two”
said Hisashi and he looked helplessly at his wife and son, the face of a defeated man unable to save
his family.

It was a lot. Izuku felt the entire perspective of his world shifting. It was so easy to stick to a
mentally painted image of an asshole father who left for work because he didn’t care. It was easy
because there weren’t any doubts that he had every right to detest him, a man with no redeemable
qualities, a man who made no effort to show remorse for his wrongdoings. It felt somewhat
flat...one dimensional; a simple hero vs villain scenario, where there was no doubt who the bad guy
was.

Now though, it wasn’t that simple.

“I still won’t forgive you” said Izuku, tears in his eyes. It was true, he wouldn’t yet forgive his
father, even if he could, not after so many years. Even with all the knowledge and understanding of
how hard the situation was and that leaving them was the lesser of two evils, he couldn’t yet let go
of his feelings.

“I wouldn’t expect you to”

He felt somewhat better knowing that his father understood him and held no resentment for how he
felt. Slowly he extended his arms, tears falling and he looked at his father expectantly.
“Be a dad for once and hug me damnit” said Izuku, his voice quiet, yet full of hope.

“How could I not?” replied his father.

At that Hisashi stood up and took a seat next to his son, pulling him into a bear hug. It felt nowhere
near as awkward as Izuku expected, if anything he felt the warmth of a parent’s love. He allowed
himself to indulge in the comfort of his father’s embrace as he cried into his shoulder.

“You’ve been gone all these years, why -sob- why did you show up now?”

“When I got a all from your mother saying that you attempted suicide, I felt like my world was
collapsing. I left you to keep you safe, and I couldn’t even do that one thing properly. It was
horrible, this feeling of helplessness, and I just knew I had to see you. Even though I was in the
middle of an operation and there’s still risk of my enemies finding me, I couldn’t imagine not
seeing you” said Hisashi, feeling quite tearful himself.

“You smell like cigarettes”

“I know”

“You’re a mess”

“I know”

“And I don’t hate you. I can’t forgive you just yet, but I don’t think I can hate you”

“That’s good to know”

“How long will you stay?”

The question brought the father and son back to the reality of the very limited time they had
together.
“I can’t stay long” said Hisashi “There’s a fundamentalist organisation in America advocating for
eugenics program that would kill off the quirkless children to rid the population of ‘weak genes’
and I have to stop them.”

What followed was a tense silence. The topic of the treatment the quirkless population received
was an uncomfortable one. Everyone knew about it, but noone wanted to talk about it. Hisashi felt
very strongly about it, partially due to his own son being quirkless, and partially due to his distaste
at the way the quirkless minority was isolated and treated as sub-human or second-class citizens in
so many places. Even Shin looked rather uncomfortable if not furious, while the Midoriyas shared
a sad, unspoken look between each other.

“Go on dad” said Izuku, trying to lighten up the atmosphere in the room “Go and be a fuckin hero
to these people!” he shouted while holding up his fist excitedly.

At that Hisashi stood up and walked towards the door. “I’m no hero, I’m just a man trying to do his
best” he said “And let me tell you, my job forces me to do a lot of things that are less than heroic,
but sometimes you gotta do them for the greater good. The world isn’t that simple Izuku. I need
you to remember that.”

“Hey! Mister grand speech, sorry to interrupt you, but your sheep is gone!” shouted the doctor as
he pointed to the open door and the obvious lack of the sheep in the room.

“FUCK!”

At that Hisashi ran out of the room in a panicked attempt to retrieve a sheep hiding somewhere in
the hospital.

“SHIT!”

The mother and son turned their heads as the doctor also ran out of the room in the opposite
direction. They could faintly hear him shouting “Move it, I’m late for the anger management
session!”

“Mom”
 “Yes Izuku?”

“How did you and dad meet?”

Inko smiled at the question as she lovingly looked at her wedding ring.

“Now that’s a story for another time.”

Chapter End Notes

EDIT - summary of the comment section:

https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/post/173710464558/me-my-readers-why-are-
you-like-this
 High demand for suicide
Chapter Summary

I look for trouble, and if I cannot find it, I will create it

Chapter Notes

So once again sorry about the long wait. This is the longest chapter i ever wrote and it
took a lot of work to complete so i hope you enjoy it as much as i did. You can expect
slightly more frequent updates from now on as i also try to update my demise!au tag
regualrly with new art https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/tagged/demise%21au

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Once again Izuku found himself on the hospital’s rooftop. It was a rather nice day, if one doesn’t
count the catastrophe of a family reunion that took place mere hours ago. Although for someone
who was admitted to the psychiatric ward after taking a jump from the top of a school building, the
staff sure didn’t have any trouble leaving Izuku unsupervised out here. To be fair he WAS
currently stuck in a wheelchair and the fence here was much higher and much sturdier than the one
in his school, so yeah, fuck the hospital staff, they won’t even let you repeat your mistakes.

...Definitely not something he should say out loud in this place, lest his sweet release form goes to
hell and he’s gonna be stuck for the rest of eternity in a white room with no doorknobs and a very
unimpressed Shin.

Where was he?

Oh yeah, he was on the rooftop smoking a cigarette that he stole from his dad’s pocket while
hugging him. ‘That is definitely a new low, even for me’ thought Izuku while trying not to choke,
as his lungs resisted the offensive smoke. He never understood why people would start smoking,
the stench was impossible to stand, the coughing was straight up annoying, not to mention the
underlying knowledge that you’re basically giving yourself cancer. He never understood, but the
curiosity was there, which is why when he felt the outline of the cigarette pack in the pocket of his
father’s trench coat he thought to himself ‘Life is already so goddamn weird, this might as well
happen’.

And it did.
Unfortunately his musings were interrupted by a sudden slam of the door, followed by a disheveled
looking Shin.

“I am disappointed on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin” said the doctor in his
typical stone cold bitch fashion upon noticing the offending cancer stick in his patient’s mouth.

“Usually ‘Izuku, what the fuck?!’ is a good start-” replied the boy, as if he wasn’t struggling to
breathe mere moments ago. And maybe, just maybe he would’ve managed to sound as smug as he
hoped for, if it wasn’t for the coughing fit immediately interrupting his comeback.

“Alright, THAT’S IT!”

With that Shin stormed over to his patient and snatched the cigarette from his mouth and stomped
it with his foot, while smacking Izuku on the back in a panicked manner.

The doctor continued to shout hysterically through Izuku’s cough attack “Goddamnit Izuku! You
can’t just suffocate like that!” he continued to smack the boy on the back.

“Aaagh, I don’t even know how to do first aid!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW FIRST AID?! YOU’RE A FUCKIN
DOCTOR!”

“I’M A PSYCHIATRIST, NOT A PHYSICIAN YOU DUMBASS!”

Fortunately for the two the coughing fit finally let go and all they were left with was the sound of
their laboured breathing as the panic slowly dissolved.

Eventually Shin sat down on the bench with a grunt while looking off into the distance as both him
and Izuku simultaneously let out a long, tired sigh.

“What a day, huh?” asked the boy, his voice hoarse, his ears not expecting an answer.
The doctor finally looked down at the crushed cigarette as he extended his hand in Izuku’s
direction and made a grabby motion “C’mon, hand the rest of them over” he said “Don’t think I’m
so naive as to think you don’t have more.”

The teenager mumbled something under his breath as he begrudgingly handed over the cigarette
pack.

“The lighter too!”

“Ugh!”

Once again Izuku complied, albeit not without throwing Shin the dirtiest glare he could manage.

“Where did you even get those?” asked the doctor, eyes full of concern and curiosity as he looked
over the cigarette pack in his hand.

“Took it straight outta my dad’s pocket when I gave him a hug” said Izuku in a nonchalant fashion
hoping to get a kick out of the good doctor.

Now THAT left him baffled “You stole cigarettes from your dad who’s WHAT? A spy? Secret
agent-”

“Mom said he’s technically a mercenary” corrected Izuku.

“-A mercenary!” exclaimed Shin, his voice once again filled with panic “Without being noticed! I
don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned” he said as an afterthought.

“Please be impressed” said Izuku “I don’t ever get to impress anyone.”

“You’re insufferable!”
“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself” replied the boy.

“Anyway what are you doing here all by yourself? Don’t you have Mrs. Todoroki to bother? asked
Shin, motioning to the wide, empty rooftop.

“Not until four. What about you, weren’t you supposed to be managing a group of very angry
people trying to get their shit together?”

“Don’t change the topic. I want you to tell me why did you decide to smoke. You know how
unhealthy and disgusting those cigarettes are? asked Shin as he shook his head in disapproval.

“You know what they say” joked the boy “Suicide for procrastinators!”

Oh, he shouldn’t have said that.

“You know, it would be a shame if your release form accidentally fell into a paper shredder,
wouldn’t it?” asked Shin with his trademark unimpressed tone and face of a disappointed mother.

“Fuck you Shin! We both know you wouldn’t be able to put up with me that long. Now spill the
tea cause you sure as hell ain’t here for a smoking break” said Izuku. As much as Shin annoyed
him at times, he could appreciate the banter between them. He never had that with anyone else,
which made him wonder if Shin’s questionable level of professionalism would be a problem,
although the man did tell him a story of how he had to fist fight his way into getting a medical
licence, so maybe being professional was overrated.

“Look Izuku, I’m not supposed to be telling you these things, due to the patient confidentiality but -
Fuck it! - you will never believe who came to the group anger management session!” and here
goes the remains of Shin’s professionalism, taken to the back alley and shot in the head by his
thirst for drama.

“Endeavour?” asked the boy, eyes full of hope, mischief and murder.

“You wish! No, it was Bakugou” exclaimed Shin in his suburban gossip mom voice.
Now THAT was way more interesting than his smoking habits. Fuckin’ Bakugou Katsuki in anger
management? Everyone and their grandma joked about him needing it, but it was also equally
known that it wouldn’t happen.

Did the Bakugou Shitshow really affect him that much?

“And what was Kacchan doing there? He got lost or something?”

The good doctor looked uncertain. He knew he overstepped the boundaries long ago when it came
to Izuku’s case. He never meant for it to happen, it just came naturally, but now with Bakugou as
his patient as well he would have to start being impartial for the sake of both of them and whatever
remained of his professional conduct.

His initial impression of Bakugou based on what Izuku said wasn’t the best to say the least. But
Shin knows he needs to put those feelings aside if it means helping Bakugou in making a personal
progress and amending for the things he did in his misguided superiority complex.

...That being said a little gossip never killed anyone.

And maybe, just maybe telling Izuku of Bakugou’s progress could help them both in some way.
Time will tell.

“Surprisingly no-” said Shin “He came to the session on his own accord from what I could tell.
Now, you should’ve seen his face when he realised I was going to be the one running the session.
It was priceless!” laughed the doctor as he waved for Izuku to come closer.

“Fuck, this is better than those shitty telenovelas of yours. Tell me everything. How did he look?
What did he say?” asked Izuku, firing of the questions in a child-like excitement that used to be so
typical of him before the fall.

“Now, as I said I can’t say much about the session itself, but he will be coming back for one-on-
one sessions, so you might end up bumping into him” warned the doctor.

“Oh FUCK NO! You gotta let me in on your schedule so I can avoid that!”
“You’ve been snooping around my office recently, shouldn’t you know my schedule already?”
asked Shin, not even bothered about Izuku’s not-so-subtle snooping around confidential
paperwork, because sometimes things be like that.

“First of all I have no idea what you’re talking about” said the boy, trying to feign ignorance,
although his need for sarcasm took over relatively quickly “and second of all, even if I did I
wouldn’t have looked at your schedule, only the official evaluation notes you submit to the board.
Gotta stay updated on the shit you tell them about me.”

“You know what-” suddenly Shin was interrupted by a beeping sound coming from his pager. He
took a quick glance at the device to check the room number.

“Well, it was nice talking, but it looks like Mrs. Todoroki needs me” announced the doctor as he
stood up and adjusted his glasses, readying himself to return to the ward.

“Hey Doc! Wait up, i was gonna go and see Mrs. Todoroki anyway” said Izuku, trying and failing
to make a rotation in his wheelchair to get to the door. Eventually Shin turned around and took a
hold of the wheelchair’s handles, pushing Izuku into the elevator.

“For all the talk about elevator music I don’t think I’ve ever been in an elevator that played any
music. Like are they ever real, or are the just some cryptids?”

“Izuku I wish you came with a mute button”

“Thanks, I get that a lot”

The rest of the elevator ride was silent. It was a good type of silence though, one that didn’t
indicate tension or left either side feeling the need to fill ssid silence with useless chatter. More
often than not Izuku found himself feeling quite content in the company of the eccentric doctor,
Mrs. Todoroki, the gossipy four-armed nurse and Fuyumi-neesan. Over the years as his quirkless
status left him isolated, the only silence Izuku experienced was the lonely, unfulfilling one. Now
though, despite the situation he’s in, the boy can safely say that the past six weeks in the hospital
felt better than the past ten years of his life.

“Ok, that’s just sad” said Shin, interrupting Izuku’s thoughts.

“Huh?”

“You were mumbling again” he explained.

With a quiet ‘DING’ the elevator door opened and the doctor stepped out, followed by the quiet,
metallic screech made by Izuku’s wheelchair. Just as the two were rounding up the corner in the
direction of Mrs. Todoroki’s room, Izuku bumped into the bespectacled doctor as he abruptly
stopped in his tracks.

“Shin, what the-”

“Shhhh!”

The doctor quickly backtracked and peeked out from the corner they were standing behind. Izuku
wasn’t sure what startled the doctor, but it must’ve been serious.

“Psst, Doc” whispered Izuku “why are we hiding?”

“He’s here…”

“Who?”

“Endeavour!”

Izuku couldn’t believe his ears. He rolled the wheels forward as quietly as possible to take a look,
and sure enough, an angry looking trash can on fire known as Endeavour was standing in front of
his wife’s room, accompanied by Fuyumi-neesan who looked somewhat panicked as she tried to
calm her father down. Izuku quickly turned back and looked at Shin.

“Shit! he can’t be here. He’s only going to upset Mrs. Todoroki, what do we do?” asked the boy,
his protective side taking over.

Izuku has grown very fond of the gentle woman, who suffered abuse at the hands of her husband
along with her children. He could never understand how anyone could bring themselves to hurt
her, yet here he was, faced with the very monster who did. He wasn’t a hero, but that doesn’t mean
he couldn’t help her.

“I’m pretty sure she called for a doctor to scare him away. I can’t tell him to leave without a
reason, so we must do something to provoke him” mused Shin, the cogwheels in his head turning.

“I’ve got an idea” exclaimed Izuku, as loudly as he could without being overheard by the nearby
flaming garbage can.

Shin felt skeptical, understandably so “Go on” he said nevertheless.

“We go out there and I start screaming like I’m batshit crazy, that will throw his off his rhythm.
Then I grab a phone book and start hitting him with it, cause you know, phone books don’t leave
bruises. While I do that you attack him from behind and hit him in the head. Once he’s out we take
him to a secondary location and before you know it BAM someone’s gonna find him dead in the
back of a trunk with his hand sticking out of the taillights three days later!”

Shin did not look impressed.

“Why-” he said, and if it wasn’t the most desperate and resigned tone Izuku has ever heard.

“Why are you like this?”

“What do you want me to say?” shrugged Izuku “The TV in the common room has access to
Netflix.”

The doctor sighed once again, he expected nothing, yet he still managed to be disappointed.

“Look, I’m on board with the whole batshit crazy screaming, but none on the ‘found dead in the
back of a car trunk’, deal?”

“Deal”
“So, do Do I just push you out there?”

“Yeah”

“Ok, but how crazy are we talking?”

“Forever-quill level of crazy”

“Jesus. Alright, let’s do this”

With a newfound resolve, the doctor once again grabbed the wheelchair handles and pushed his
patient forward to do what had to be done.

Immediately Izuku started screaming like his life depended on it, while Shin schooled his
expression to remain as impassive as possible. He’s sure they made quite a sight. Fuyumi looked
over her father’s shoulder, very confused at Izuku’s behaviour, but Shin quickly mouthed ‘play
along’ as discreetly as possible, to reassure Fuyumi and not have their charade given away.

As soon as the two got close enough Izuku started to shout nonsensical threats and insults at the
man, hoping to antagonize him enough to get an aggressive response and get him kicked out.

“You fuckin’ pile of wombat shit!” screamed Izuku, trying to sound as angry and insane he was
back during the quill incident.

To his credit Endeavour was so surprised at the sudden insult that he didn’t have the time to get
angry straight away.

Although, being Endeavour his anger caught up to him rather quickly.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU INSOLENT BRAT?!”

“I KILLED GOD IN 2007 AND YOU’RE NEXT PAL!” screamed Izuku in a vicious manner,
which cased Endeavour’s beard to light up in his signature flame.

He promptly turned towards the doctor, who seemed unusually calm and quiet despite handling an
apparent lunatic “Aren’t you going to do anything about him?!” he asked, barely concealing his
fury.

As always Shin managed to remain cold and professional when needed, which mostly occured
when he had to bullshit his way through something as he answered the flaming man.

“Sir, as I’m sure you are aware this is a psychiatric ward, and this kind of behaviour is common in
a lot of our more...unstable patients, so please try not to aggravate him further for his own
wellbeing. On that note please put out the fire on your beard, as it is against our health and safety
protocols to have any flame inside the building, otherwise I will have to get you removed from the
premises.”

“YOU HEARD HIM, BEGONE THOT, BEGONE!” screeched the boy, waving his arms around in
a chaotic manner, while Shin gently patted him on the head as if it was the most normal thing in
the world.

By this point, Endeavour barely managed to put out the fire on his beard, gritting his teeth in fury
only a step away from snapping, while Fuyumi did her best not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the
situation.

“See right here?! The fire! I have a proof” shouted Izuku “ YOU’RE THE DEVIL! YOU THINK
THAT WITH THE GOD GONE YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT, BUT JUST YOU
FUCKIN WAIT, I WILL STAB YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HEART STRAIGHT
OUTTA YOU AND TAKE YOUR PLACE ON THE THRONE YOU HEAR ME?!”

“This is UNACCEPTABLE!” shouted Endeavour, once again addressing the doctor, seeing as
there wasn’t any chance of talking sense into the insane teenager in the wheelchair.

“You know what’s unacceptable?” asked Izuku, in an eerie calm voice as he looked the man
straight in the eye, for the first time not hiding behind the curtain of insanity. He thought of all the
things Mrs. Todoroki told him, all the things he has gathered from his hero analysis as he gave the
man the sharpest, most cruel glare he could manage.
He managed to catch the man off guard once again.

“It’s unacceptable how a swine like you is still walking amongst us. You think you’re so smart?
You think I can’t see the coldness and cruelty oozing off your heart?”

“Listen here boy” snarled Endeavour as he took a hold of the wheelchair and got right up in Izuku’s
face “I don’t know what is going on inside that crazy head of yours, but you better stop that right
now, before I get really mad!”

Izuku tried to swallow down the fear as he felt the heat radiating off the man’s beard once again.
‘It's for Mrs. Todoroki’ he told himself. He was so close.

“Or what?” asked Izuku with a smirk, his tone getting dangerously low and quiet so that only
Endeavour could hear him “You’ll beat me like you did with the rest of your family?”

Bam! Critical hit!

Which was ultimately followed by the man snapping and violently grabbing Izuku in his fury.

“ALRIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH!” exclaimed Shin as he motioned for one of the nurses to come
over “Sir, you’re conducting yourself in a violent manner and threatening my patient, I am
removing you from this ward, as well as banning you from any future visitations.”

The doctor and the four armed nurse both moved to pull Endeavour away from Izuku, but not
before the boy has spat in the man’s face, wearing the most shit-eating grin to have ever graced the
humanity.

As he was being dragged out, the angered man spared one last glance at the green haired boy in
the wheelchair.

“Just you wait Endeavour” called out Izuku as he flipped the bird to the fuming man “This isn’t
over. When I get out I will make your life living hell! I will set the whole world on fire if I have
to!”
The man glared at the teenager, as his whole being became an embodiment of the wrath itself.

“This isn’t a threat-” said Izuku “-It’s a promise.”

Soon enough there was no Endeavour in sight and so Izuku turned to Fuyumi who at this point was
barely holding it together.

“It’s ok, the trash was taken out, you can laugh now.”

Fuyumi doubled over almost immediately laughing harder than she ever did before. She felt
hysteric, cathartic, so many things at once. No one has talked to her father like that, it was an
amazing sight to say the least. Fuyumi knew that her father’s anger wouldn’t pass quickly after
something like that, but for now she wanted to enjoy his defeat.

In the meantime Izuku wheeled himself closer to Mrs. Todoroki’s room and knocked on the door
“He’s gone, you can come out now!”

The door opened as the white haired woman walked out hesitantly. While she wanted to laugh
along with Fuyumi, her fear of Endeavour and concern for Izuku’s safety took over.

“Izuku, are you alright?” she asked, gently grasping Izuku’s face, turning it from side to side
looking for any injuries.

“I’m fine, he just grabbed me suddenly at the end, but then I spat in his face and Shin and Ms.
Shouji pulled him away” replied the boy, hoping to calm the woman down. Izuku himself was
buzzing with energy, the encounter left him feeling a rush of adrenaline.

“I’m sorry” said Mrs. Todoroki “I didn’t want to drag you into this. I only called for Dr. Iyashi as a
last resort, since I didn’t want to be alone with Enji.”

“It’s not your fault” replied Izuku as he hugged the woman in what he hopes was a reassuring
manner “I wanted to say a few things to this bastard for a while. This was as good of an opportunity
as any” he chuckled.
“As soon as I heard your voice I became so scared, I was so scared he would hurt you, just like hurt
me and Shouto” she sobbed.

Shouto. Mrs. Todoroki’s youngest son. Izuku talked to the woman quite often and so he had a good
grasp on the situation of the family. She talked about Shouto a lot, more often than not riddled with
guilt, as she told over the same story of how she snapped and spilled boiling water on the child’s
face, because it reminded her so much of her husband. The same story of the strict ‘training’ that
Shouto was forced into by his father when his quirk manifested. The same story of her child,
whose dream to be a great hero like All Might was shattered in a manner much different, yet just as
brutal as Izuku. It was probably the first and the only time in Izuku’s life when he was glad to have
been born without a quirk.

One day he was going to meet Shouto. He was already elbows deep in the Todoroki’s family
drama, might as well go all the way. But that’s for later. Now he needed to comfort the woman
who became like a second mother to him.

“I’m okay, you’re okay, he can’t hurt us anymore. Shin kicked him out of the hospital for good. He
won’t be allowed to visit anymore.”

Speaking of Shin, the man just got back up from the reception, after having to escort the angry man
out of the hospital and banning him from making any more visits.

“What you did-” he said while pointing at Izuku, still trying to catch his breath “-was the most
stupid thing I have seen in my entire life. Do you have no self-preservation instinct?!”

“No”

“Thought so”

“C’mon Shin, don’t be so stiff, it was epic! I talk shit to Endeavour, spat on his face and got him
kicked out of here. This couldn’t have been better!”

“Perhaps so, but still what did I tell you about being more careful?”

“I don’t know Shin, what did I tell YOU about not expecting miracles?”
 “Dr. Iyashi!” called out Mrs. Todoroki “Thank you for helping me, and I’m sorry that I’ve put you
both in this situation.

“Please don’t trouble yourself with it, it was about time this man got banned from here and as
much as I’m furious with Izuku right now, he did do a splendid job in getting him kicked out” said
Shin, wiping his glasses clean as he tried to give Izuku a reprimanding glare, although the effect
wasn’t the same when he had to squint.

“Ok, cool! Now that this shitshow is over, how about we go to the common room and watch some
Netflix?” asked Izuku.

“I wish I could, but I’ve got work to do” replied Shin.

“Don’t be like that Doc. WE are your work, you’ve gotta look after us so get your ass to the
common room and look after us like a good doctor you’re supposed to be” said Izuku, already
turning in the direction of the common room.

“Ugh, fine! But don’t think you’re off the hook after the stunt you pulled at the roof today”
exclaimed the doctor as he joined his patient’s side and ruffled his hair.

“Wouldn’t dream of it!”

Chapter End Notes

UPDATE!
With the new bnha chapter that jsut came out it was revealed that Mrs Todoroki's
name is Rei, which literally means 'cold' i shoulve expected that. but yeah, long story
short im gonna try to incorporate the use of her name in the future chapters
 In memory of Midoriya Izuku
Chapter Summary

The boy who cried sheep is just getting started

Chapter Notes

So this is it! The last chapter! But dont worry, this is just the begining! From now on
im going to take a little break and work out the details for the next installment of
demise!au. The title of the next part will be 'revival of midoriya izuku' and it will
focus on izukus life after he left the hospital and various shenanigans as he meets new
people and accidentally saves the day. For now though do check out the other
instlalemnt in the series that focuses on hisashi as im planning on properly finishing
his origin story.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Shit was good while it lasted. However as some smartass asshole once said, everything good has to
come to an end.

Yesterday Izuku’s cast was finally taken off. Don’t get him wrong, it felt good to be able to walk
after being stuck in a wheelchair for six weeks, but it also meant he was soon to be discharged. He
felt uncertain to say the least.

He managed to find comfort within the sterile walls of the hospital, comfort that he never got in
the ‘outside’ world. Because that’s how he saw it, the ‘outside’, the foreign, unfamiliar. Humans
are creatures of habit and it was almost scary how quickly Izuku’s normal became that of daily
antidepressants, being surrounded by medical staff and the never ending whiteness of the corridor
between his room and Shin’s office. It felt good to be treated as a patient, just another tormented
soul on the road to recovery, the doctor’s eyes full of sympathy rather than ridicule and pity he
faced on a regular basis. It felt good to be treated like a person.

And it felt shitty knowing that all of this was about to end.

His mom came over the day before to start taking Izuku’s belongings back home, since he
accumulated quite a bit over his stay. It solidified the dread in his stomach, the knowledge of how
little time he had left.
Once again he found himself in Shin’s office. ‘And probably the last’ his mind provided ever so
unhelpfully.

Maybe all of it wouldn’t be so bad, if it wasn’t for the fact that he actually managed to pass his
psych eval, which is bullshit. One look in the mirror is enough for Izuku to know that he’s not
stable enough for release, or so he tells himself. It’s reassuring in some sense, to know that he’s not
yet healed, that he never will be. It shouldn’t feel as comforting as it does, but not being well
means he can always get better.

‘I am damaged’ felt good to admit to oneself.

Izuku knows that it’s a fucked up way of thinking, but looking in the mirror and seeing eyes that no
longer hold the vibrance of life, hair much longer and shaggier than ever before, he feels somewhat
accepting of his current state.

Fucked up Izuku was still better than a dead one, that’s for sure.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Shin while finishing off the paperwork for Izuku’s
discharge. Looking at the forms made everything seem so final.

“How bold of you to assume I think” said Izuku instead of vocalizing the current anxieties,
because he doesn’t want his last day here to be all deep and brooding.

“Figured as much” murmured the doctor “But really, what’s bothering you?”

“I-I” and his voice cracks ever so slightly, without the trace of the usual sarcasm he’s grown so
fond of a genuine response “I don’t want this to be over Shin! I like being here, nobody looks at
me like I’m worthless, I have people to talk to. I’ve never felt so calm and content like I do here,
and the outside world…” he hesitated.

The bespectacled man looked at him, nodding in silent encouragement.

“...and the outside world scares me so much” admitted the boy, his voice laced with fear despite
his best attempts to sound calm.
“I mean, forget the hero bullshit, because I’m fucked either way. Quirkless people are quite rare in
my generation and they have a much harder time making a life for themselves and finding a job,
because the world is so hospite towards us. I c-can’t see my future as anything but miserable, I feel
so hopeless” whispered Izuku in defeat, his head hanging low, face covered by his hands in hope of
hiding the tears threatening to fall.

The boy felt a hand gently pressing down on his shoulder as another tried to pry his own away
from his teared up face.

“It’s hard isn’t it?” asked Shin, with gentleness Izuku never heard before.

“It’s kinda normal to feel hopeless. No matter what you want to do and how hard you work
towards it, there will always be a person with a quirk better for that job. It sucks and I won’t lie to
you, it won’t be easy, but you’re the most petty little shit I’ve ever met and we both know that you
can pull yourself through all of the crap life throws at you” said the doctor as he continued to rub
Izuku’s shoulder in a comforting manner “I want you to go out there and live your life to the fullest.
If you have no other reason to keep on living then do it to spite the whole damn world who hates
people like us.”

“People...like us?” asked Izuku, his face slowly changing from shocked to understanding.

The doctor nodded, amused by his patient’s reaction.

“Shin, you lying bitch!” screamed the boy, his surprise overshadowed by frustration at the lack of
knowledge.

“Technically I didn’t lie, I just omitted the truth. Besides it wouldn’t be smart to go around telling
everyone that I’m quirkless, even in a place like this” said the doctor as a matter of fact.

His statement was followed by a long silence. The doctor tried to look nonchalant about revealing
his status, but failed miserably as the anxiety slipped through the cracks of his usual resting bitch
face. Izuku understood. Even though it was just the two of them in the room, just two quirkless
people trying to find common ground, it was always scary to talk about these things. It was safer to
stay quiet, especially around other people.

He had spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out what quirk Shin had, it was a force of
habit at this point; observing and analyzing quirks. Some were more obvious than others and those
that required activation couldn’t be used in public, but he figured that at one point or another the
doctor would slip. Looking back Izuku was more than a little embarrassed due to that one time he
thought Shin might have some sort of speed quirk, similar to Ignenium’s engine, which ended in
disappointment and frustration upon looking down and realising that no, Shin didn’t have engine-
esque quirk, he was in fact wearing fuckin heelies to work that day.

The discovery explained a lot, thought Izuku; the unintentional flashes of something raw, sad,
almost incomprehensible that vanished almost as soon as they appeared on the doctor’s face
whenever the subject of Izuku’s quirklessness came up in their sessions. Izuku never brought it up,
he didn’t want to destroy the delicate balance they managed to establish since their third session
when Shin’s attempt at remaining professional went to shit. Nevertheless, as much as it explained a
lot of things, it also left some questions.

“I don’t get it” stated the boy.

“What do you mean?” asked the doctor.

“Why didn’t you tell me before? I mean think about it. My attitude at the beginning was even
worse than now. You could’ve easily pulled the ‘I’m just like you’ card outta your sleeve to gain
my trust and get me to behave from the start. Why didn't you?”

The doctor chuckled at Izuku’s comment.

“God, you make it sound like all psychiatrists are manipulative bastards” said Shin.

“Why are you booing me? You know I’m right. Manipulating your patients into feeling better
about themselves and all that crap. That’s some chaotic neutral shit right here” replied the boy.

“I guess you’re not wrong. But to answer your question I didn’t want to use that against you, it felt
like a cheap trick more than anything and I prefer to work hard towards gaining my patient’s trust.
Besides that would also put me in a vulnerable position, which could affect my approach towards
your case and believe it or not I try to remain somewhat professional around here” explained Shin.

“Professional my ass”
“Indeed”

Once again the silence stretched within the confines of the doctor’s office. It was comfortable. It
felt like everything was said and done.

“Shin?”

“What?”

“I’m going to miss you”

The man didn’t answer immediately, trying to process exactly what his patient has said, but as soon
as he did the small room was suddenly filled with uncontrollable laughter.

“What’s so funny asshole?!” shouted Izuku “ I’m having a moment here and you’re ruining it!”

“I know - I just - I can’t believe you thought it was our last session! Buahaha!”

“What do you mean?”

“Izuku, did you really think that we would just release a teenager with suicidal tendencies without
any follow-up?” asked Shin, his laughter slowly subsiding “After the discharge you will have to
come to follow up sessions every other week since our sessions seem to improve your emotional
state. and don’t forget you will have to come and see me anyway to have your prescription refilled
every month.”

“When you say it like that it does sound kinda dumb” admitted the boy. Once again he let his
insecurities get better of him and cloud his judgement, but he was glad hat he was wrong.

“Great, now that your emotional crap was sorted out let’s focus on the important things”
announced the doctor as he slipped into his gossip mode “What happened to that sheep your dad
brought to the hospital?” he asked.
“Yeah, about that…”

……………………………………………….

“Trash Bandit is a terrible name” exclaimed the doctor in his ‘I’m tired of your bullshit’ voice he
used so often around Izuku.

“Trash Bandit is a great name, I don’t know what you’re talking about” replied the boy in his usual
sarcastic manner.

The doctor sighs and gently slaps Izuku on the back of his head “This bad boy can fit so many
fucking bad ideas” he says while looking at the camera like he’s in the office.

……………………………………………….

“Izuku honey, are you sure you didn’t forget anything?” asks Inko as she packs the last of Izuku’s
belongings into his backpack.

“Yes Mom, I’m pretty sure. You took most of my stuff back home yesterday, I don’t think we
missed anything” replied Izuku.

Truth being told he was getting angsty. Although his previous conversation with Shin calmed him
down significantly, now that it was actually time to leave Izuku couldn’t help but feel anxious. He
felt like he was about to leave behind something important, and even the thought of bi-weekly
visits offered little comfort in the current situation.

There was also something bittersweet about the situation, thought Izuku. Were he a protagonist of
a story this would be the turning point for his character, the long awaited new beginning, the arc of
personal growth and learning how to live once more. But this is real life, so instead he’s going to
leave this place and continue to be bitter, because sue him, he has fourteen years of bitterness to
catch up on.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Ms. Souji entered the room, followed by Dr. Iyashi holding a clipboard, poster child for a
hardworking doctor.

“I can proudly say that the past 6 weeks of your stay here has been one of the weirdest times of my
life and I’ve been to Florida” says the doctor in amusement as he starts to flip through the
paperwork on his clipboard.

“Thanks, I did my worst” replied the boy.

“I’m sure you did” laughed the nurse.

Inko looks fondly at her son’s shenanigans. She hasn’t seen him this happy and carefree since he
was a child. She was so used to Izuku being quiet and withdrawn, the result of isolation due to his
quirklessness. Had anyone asked Inko if she was upset that her child turned out quirkless she
would’ve said no in a heartbeat. She loved her boy unconditionally. It wasn’t the lack of quirk that
upset her, but her own inability to comfort her son and shield him from the cruel world that made
him feel worthless.

It was disheartening, knowing that he will struggle for the rest of his life, but Inko couldn’t be
happier, knowing that Izuku was on a way to recovery.

“Mrs. Midoriya?” called Dr. Iyashi, bringing the woman out of her thoughts.

“Oh, I’m sorry what is it?”

“I just need you to sign those papers for Izuku’s release. It’s a bit of a useless formality since he’s
still underage, but you know how it is with bureaucracy” said the doctor dismissively as he handed
Inko a pen and the papers.

“Doctor, what is going to happen to Izuku now?” asked the woman.

“In terms of his health plan we’re sticking to 8mg of Ramelteon, followed up by regular sessions
once every two weeks to refill prescription and ensure the improvement of his mental wellbeing. I
know that the school requires a good reason for switching to homeschooling, which is why I will
send over all the necessary documents regarding Izuku’s condition so you can present it as soon as
possible.”
“Thank you Doctor, you really thought of everything”

“It’s my job after all”

“Your ‘job’ my ass, now you’re just playing favourites” shouted Izuku from across the room.

“You sure think highly of yourself, don’t you?” asked Shin.

“You bet, I’m fuckin’ precious!”

“Izuku, language!”

“Sorry Mom!”

……………………………………………….

Izuku and his mother were on their way to the reception after saying their goodbyes to most of the
staff. Just as they were rounding up the corner to the elevator that didn’t play any elevator music ,
Izuku suddenly remembered that there’s still one person he needs to say goodbye to.

He made a dash to room 315 and man, did it feel good to be back on your own legs. Without
thinking Izuku slammed the door open and screamed at the top of his lungs, startling the poor
woman who occupied the room.

“MRS. TODOROKI I’M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH!”

“Izuku! Don’t scare me like this!”

“Sorry” murmured the boy, as he slowly stepped inside and sat on the chair facing the woman.
For a while neither of them said anything. Izuku couldn’t help but glance at the woman in front of
him, remembering their first meeting at the rooftop, the thoughts of seeing a ghost stuck in the
past, the knowledge of how far they have come since then. Who would’ve thought that on his way
to recovery he’d end up with an eccentric, telenovela-loving psychiatrist, a sheep and a surrogate
mother figure?

“So they’re releasing you?” she asked, breaking the silence, her voice solemn.

“Far too soon if you ask me” replied the boy with a humourless laugh.

“Don’t say it like that, I’d love to be able to leave. It gets so boring around here” she pondered
“Ever since you got here everything became more interesting. I’ve had more fun in those last few
weeks with you than in I did in all those years alone in this hospital. You’re a good kid Izuku, so
please go and live a good life.”

“Careful Mrs. Todoroki, you’re starting to sound like Shin” joked the boy.

Mrs. Todoroki laughed and she leaned back on her bed, staring out of the window with a wistful
look on her face. It was painfully reminiscent.

“I guess it’s bound to happen after knowing someone for so long. I remember when I first came
here, it’s been almost ten years can you believe it?” she asked without expecting an answer
“Anyway, at the time I was admitted Dr. Iyashi was a new doctor, straight out of residency. I was
one of his first patients, so I suppose there’s a bit of sentiment here. A lot of things changed in
those ten years, patients came in and out, so did the staff, but Dr. Iyashi never changed.”

“So what you’re saying is Shin was bitchy on main since day one?”

“Who’s bitchy on main?!”

“Shin!”

“Dr. Iyashi!”
Speaking of the devil, the doctor stood in the doorframe pretending to knock on the door, because
manners . The man walked in and ruffled Izuku’s hair, making it even more of a mess than usual,
and what a shame, because it wasn’t even a hot mess, just a regular mess.

“Sorry to interrupt your little goodbyes” said the doctor as he nodded towards Mrs. Todoroki
before addressing Izuku “But your mother came to the reception panicking, saying you suddenly
ran off somewhere. I had a feeling you’d be here, and would you look at that.”

Izuku scoffed at Shin’s smugness “This isn’t a goodbye” he says.

“It’s not?” asked the woman.

“No. Even after I leave...I promise to come and visit you. You said you liked it when I was here,
and I like hanging out with a lot too, it’s like having a mom friend, which sounds weird, but
whatever.”

Mrs. Todoroki stood up and engulfed the boy in a hug “I’m going to miss you as well. Please do
come and visit this old woman from time to time, because I’m holding onto that promise.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not that easy to get rid of” murmured Izuku.

Unfortunately, their heartwarming goodbye had to be interrupted by a nosy, tactless Shin “Alright,
get a move on you gremlin, you’ve got people waiting for you” he chirped.

“See you in hell Shin” replied the boy as he stood up, ready to leave the room.

“Oh yeah? And what are we gonna do there?” laughed the doctor “Try to dethrone Endeavour?”

The doctor received an answer in a form of Izuku’s middle finger as the teenager retreated in the
direction of the reception. The man scoffed at the gesture as he adjusted his glasses, while his
patient laughed at their antics.

“Don’t you get tired of bullying him all the time Dr. Iyashi?” asked Mrs. Todoroki.
“Nah, this never gets old” mused Shin “ And I told you to stop calling me Dr. Iyashi. How many
times did we have this conversation Mrs. Todoroki?”

“I don’t know. How many times did I tell you to stop calling me Mrs. Todoroki?” replied the
woman.

“Touché.”

“You’re on first name basis with most of your patients.”

“Most of my patients are brats, so no sense of formality is required. You, on the other hand are one
of the very few adults I treat, so I’d like to act like an adult with you, how about that Rei?” asked
the doctor with a mixture of sarcasm and amusement.

“Whatever you say Shin”

……………………………………………….

Izuku stepped out of the elevator that didn’t play any elevator music and walked straight to the
reception area where his mother was waiting for him with his backpack, bless her soul. As he
stepped closer he noticed his mother talking to someone, anxiety written all over her face.

As he got closer one of the nurses that walked past him whispered a quick ‘good luck’ while
looking back in the direction of the reception, before returning to her duties. That confused Izuku
even more, until he was face to face with the very last person he expected to see in the near future.

Motherfucking Bakugou.

“What in the EVER LOVING FUCK are you doing here?!” snapped Izuku, as both patients and
nurses alike turned their heads at the commotion.

“Huh?! What do you mean, what I’m doing here? Obviously I’m here to see you off, you shitty
DEKU!” screamed Bakugou, always ready for a fight and for being kicked out of the hospital.

“See me off? You sure got a fuckin nerve Bakugou!!!” sneered Izuku, putting emphasis on the
blond’s name, as if it was something distasteful.

While the two teenagers were busy with having a screaming match in the middle of the hospital
entrance, an 80 year-old patient with far too little grasp on reality, as he seemed to believe this was
a restaurant and not a hospital started to shout at the reception as well “Can I get a waffle? Can I
please get a waffle?!” Needless to say the whole scene was pure chaos.

“No, you can’t get a waffle! In fact, I will frame you for murder!” shouted Izuku at the old man,
because he hated being interrupted in the middle of screaming profanities at his bully.

“Deku what the fuck!”

“Boys, please” said Inko, as she stood between the two, trying to keep the situation under control “I
know it’s all a bit tense, but please try to be civil with each other, or at least take it outside.”

Bakugou and Izuku scoffed at each other as they nodded and moved towards the exit. That’s when
Izuku actually looked through the glass doors and noticed the weather. It’s the end of May, so it’s
been very warm and sunny for the past few weeks. However it seems as though the universe hated
him, because on that day in particular the weather decided to be piss-poor. Izuku, dressed in a tank
top and a pair of shorts was not having it. In frustration he stomped over to the lost and found box
in the reception area in hopes of finding something that will keep him warm. As he rummaged
through the piles of clothes he managed to pull out what can only be described as a brown trash bag
with a faux fur around the hood.

“Perfect” he deadpans.

The boy puts on the oversized coat and starts to walk towards the exit once again. His mother
quickly told him that she’d go home with the rest of his things and will expect him back by dinner.

Izuku made his way outside and found Bakugou with the most idiotic look on his face he has ever
seen. The blond hasn’t noticed his arrival, as he was busy staring at the sheep that was patiently
waiting by the entrance.
“BANDIT!”

The sheep looks up as it recognises its name and runs towards Izuku, who in turn starts to happily
pet his four legged companion. Their petting session was interrupted by a rather quiet, ‘What the
fuck…’ coming from a very shocked looking Bakugou.

“The fuck are you looking at?”

“It’s a sheep”

Now, here’s Izuku’s favourite part of the new game he’s playing; the denial. Ever since they got
Trash Bandit Izuku and his mom would always say that it’s a dog, always, no matter what, just to
see people’s reactions. So far it provided a lot of confusion from their neighbours, but it seems as
though Bakugou has yet to meet Bandit.

“What are you talking about?” asked Izuku, pulling his best act of innocence and confusion “Trash
Bandit is a dog!”

“It’s a fuckin sheep, look at it!!!”

“It’s just a very special dog, get over yourself”

“Baaaaaah~”

“Did you hear it? You must be fuckin’ with me!”

“Bandit is bilingual, my dad got him abroad!”

Bakugou screamed as he started to pull at his hair in frustration “FOR FUCK’S SAKE DEKU, are
you trying to piss me off?!”

A moment of silence.
And a slow, yet certain ‘Yes’ was enough to make him snap, his palms barely containing the
explosions waiting to cause destruction.

“You know…”Izuku stated in a deadpan tone “You always say how annoying I am, but trust me
you don’t want to see me when I actually TRY to be, so get your shit together and let’s get going
Explodo-kill, we’ve got a lot to talk about.”

Izuku turned around and started walking away from the hospital, the sheep only a couple steps
behind him. Bakugou scoffed, but followed his anyway, already feeling frustrated at having to
walk BEHIND Izuku, at having to follow a worthless Deku. He tried to shut those thoughts down,
ever since the incident he had a lot time to think; about Izuku, himself and ultimately all this
‘superiority-complex’ bullshit that led to this disaster in the first place. The fact that Izuku’s ‘dog’
was giving him a really creepy look just added salt to the wound.

After a ten minute walk, they have found themselves sitting on bench in a rather empty park.
Usually the place was full of life and people, but it seems as though the weather kept them away.
Izuku and Bakugou both had their hoods up to shield themselves from the rain, while Trash Bandit
sat under the bench itself, managing to stay mostly dry. They haven’t spoken at all since leaving
the hospital, neither knowing how to, nor willing to make the first move.

“What the fuck are we doing?” asked Bakugou, contemplating how he managed to find himself
sitting in some empty-ass park, getting drenched and having to talk to Izuku. Sure it was originally
his own idea to go and see him in the first place since he was finally getting released, but that
didn’t make the whole situation any easier.

“We’re trying to have a conversation about our feelings and resolve some of our bullshit, like
emotionally stable people that we aren’t” replied Izuku, refusing to look at the blond.

“Alright you fuckin’ nerd, talk feelings to me” shrugged Bakugou.

“Do you ever think before you speak? Or do you just get off on making me miserable?” asked
Izuku, trying to keep his voice neutral, not wanting to provoke the other and start a fight without at
least sorting things out first “Or do you just not care about others at all? For someone as self
centered as you, you sure as hell don’t think about how your actions can affect the others.”

“Why should I care about people who are in my way? They’re all just a bunch of extras, just some
pebbles to walk over on my way to becoming a hero” spat Bakugou, painfully aware of how awful
the things he says are. But he’s been saying them so long that they’ve become a mantra, something
hard to break away from.

“Going by your logic you imply that somehow I’m in your way, but how? You’ve spent the better
part of the last decade telling me how worthless I am, how I can’t do anything, how I will never
become a hero, never accomplish anything. Yet if all of that were true you’d just ignore me, like
you do with most people” said Izuku, growing slightly suspicious, feeling like he’s close to hitting
nail on the head “Instead you act hostile towards me, you lash out, degrade me, tell me how
worthless I am, but really who are you trying to convince with those words? Me or yourself?”
asked Izuku, feeling smug at being able to say all of those things in Bakugou’s face. Few weeks
ago he would’ve been scared shitless, but after his encounter with Endeavour who’s a walking pile
of trash on fire, Bakugou is like an angry marshmallow in comparison.

“Huh? What kind of bullshit are you spouting? You sure think highly of yourself!” shouted
Bakugou defensively.

“Says you” sneered Izuku.

The freckled boy sighed in defeat. They were getting nowhere with this, sure he was more than
happy to spend the rest of the day antagonizing Bakugou to let off some steam, but ultimately it
would lead to nothing. He looked over at the angry blond, wanting talk things through, to get
across his feelings of frustration, hopelessness and defeat, but not knowing how.

“You know what’s the worst part in all of this?” he asked.

“What?”

“I used to look up to you so much that it’s almost embarrassing” says Izuku, almost bitterly, like he
was admitting to the worst mistakes of his life “You were my best friend; my only friend. We used
to play heroes and villains together, we promised each other that we’d become heros together. And
I mean sure, with the whole quirkless thing the plan went to shit, and I was in denial for a long ass
time, but for fucks sake did you really have to kick a man when he’s down?!” shouted Izuku,
frustrated with Bakugou, with himself, and with everything else in between.

“Why did you have to do it Katsuki? I didn’t ask to be born quirkless, you don’t understand how
hard it is to live with this diagnosis, why did you have to make it worse?!” screamed Izuku as he
grabbed onto Bakugou in rage and shook him back and forth “THIS ISN’T FAIR!”
“WELL MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE LIFE ISN’T FUCKIN’ FAIR!” shouted Bakugou, as he
headbutted Izuku out of sheer rage, which definitely wasn’t one of his best ideas.

Both teenagers groaned in pain at the impact. As Bakugou rubbed at his forehead to relieve the
pain, Izuku kicked him off the bench in retaliation. The blond fell into a puddle with a loud splash
and an even louder ‘DEKU WHAT THE FUCK?!’

“Maybe you’re right, maybe life isn’t fair” said Izuku, unusually calm for someone ready to start a
fight in the rain like a washed out hero “But ain’t that what heroes are for? To make the world a
little bit more fair? Ain’t that what you wanted to become as much as I did?”

Izuku stood up from the bench rubbing on his forehead as well. After the weeks at the hospital the
bandages on his head were finally removed, exposing a nasty scar at his left temple. The anger that
Bakugou felt instantly vanished as his eyes zeroed in on the scar, a reminder of the very fall that
haunted him in his nightmares.

“I might not be a hero material Kacchan, but neither are you. So see you in hell asshole” And with
that Izuku turned around, ready to walk away and leave this trainwreck of a friendship behind.
Trash Bandit who was busy chewing on Bakugou’s trousers unnoticed got up as well, ready to
follow his human home.

“DEKU WAIT!”

“What now?!” whined Izuku, but he turned back nevertheless.

The blond hesitated for a moment, as if trying to assess whether the situation was worth saving.

“I...never actually apologised to you for all that crap I did. Listen, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t
apologising to you now Deku you hear me?!” he shouted.

Izuku considered his words for a moment, not really understanding where all of this was going
“You’re wasting my time!”

“I’m fucking getting to it shithead!” sneered Bakugou “But what you said last time...you were
right, about me having issues and stuff-”
 “Well aren’t we a fucked up bunch?” laughed Izuku.

“Don’t fuckin interrupt me Deku! I’m trying to make a point! You’re fuckin right, I’ve been an
asshole to you, I still think you’re annoying as hell, but that didn’t give me the right to say all those
things. So I’m gonna try to get my shit together you know? What you said back then made me
realise that at this point I don’t have what it takes to be a hero, so I want to sort all of my crap out,
and once I do, THEN you can expect a proper apology!” announced the blond as he pointed his
finger at Izuku in what seemed to be a challenge. He would’ve been impressed if it wasn’t for the
fact that Bakugou was still sitting in a puddle.

With all said and done the blond stood up with as much dignity as one could have when they were
drenched from head to toe and walked off in the opposite direction to where they came from. How
peculiar.

“So, this is it, huh Bandit?” asked Izuku as he looked down at the sheep, not really expecting an
answer.

Here he was, standing like an idiot in an empty park, drenched like a rat, the conflict with his ex-
childhood friend still unresolved, and on top of that he’s now talking to a sheep. Fuckin brilliant.

“What an unsatisfactory bitch of a situation”

With that Izuku turns around and walks back in the direction of his home, holding onto the
uncertainty of the future with one hand and the hope for a better life with the other.

There’s still a lot that needs to be said and done, but for now he wants to take life one day at a time,
focusing on the homeschooling and his therapy, and who knows, maybe one day he can actually
become a great person, one that will bring change in a lot of people’s lives.

Now though? Now he needs to get home and burn all of his All Might merch.

Chapter End Notes

so this is it for demise!au for now. do check out my tumblr:

 https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/ for more stuff, including fanart as im going to
try and post more often with this installment being done.

End Notes

Heres a drawing I did of the squad at the end

https://gothiclolitafanarts.tumblr.com/post/179021901723/common-room-alternative-
colouring-im-posting

Works inspired by this The

one Ghosts of Shin by Thesadghostclub

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