You guys just don't understand how hard it is to be a high level regional Scrum

master. I have to update Jira meticulously to update our storylines to exceed the
expectations of our clients. I keep telling you we need to implement the Kanban
volcano but you keep falling behind on your sprints. The user story is hard to
maintain as an experienced scrum master. My junior scrum master that hr hired last
week still hasn't grasped the story that spans 30ft in the hallway. Anyway I just
got my 40k bonus last week before I head to the conference in Kolkata.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)00:51:58 No.74688252?>>74688266 >>74697477
>>74688240 (OP)
fuck you

i wish i could slaughter every single one of you retarded parasites

>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)00:54:17 No.74688266?>>74688292 >>74688293 >>74688377
>>74691470 >>74696546
>>74688252
I�m an ic who is also a scrum master because apparently some of you babies can�t
point stories, write good story descriptions or even just make sure work is in
correct status. You mongloids. Fucking babies. Fuck you.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)00:57:37 No.74688292?>>74688338
File: thevolcano-example_v2-0.png (62 KB, 371x279)
62 KB
>>74688266
I salute a fellow scrum wizard in this technical craft
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)00:57:49 No.74688293?>>74688338 >>74688342 >>74692088
>>74688266
>can�t point stories, write good story descriptions or even just make sure work is
in correct status
keep telling yourself this is a skill

scrum is a fad, it will pass

>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:03:04 No.74688338?>>74688340 >>74688376 >>74688393
>>74691490
>>74688292
What the fuck is this overcomplicated bullshit? Puke.

>>74688293
IT�S NOT A SKILL. Fairy-faggot developers are either too arrogant, too stupid or
too autistic to do the basic equivalent of a TODO lost.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:04:05 No.74688340?>>74688365 >>74696861
>>74688338
>he doesn't respect the volcano
yikes
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:04:27 No.74688342?>>74688376
>>74688293
Also did you miss the part where I said I�m also an IC?
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:08:20 No.74688365?>>74688661
File: 1573845321200.jpg (87 KB, 1024x958)
87 KB
>>74688340
Based, fellow grand dragon scrummer here
>>
 Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:09:35 No.74688376?>>74688407
>>74688338
>too arrogant, too stupid or too autistic to do the basic equivalent of a TODO lost
right because you'd have to be a scrum master to do THAT... fucking retard

i don't appreciate the wasted time and micromanagement of something that didn't
need layers of unnecessary complexity

>>74688342
i'm sure you were very good, that's why you jumped ship right?
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:09:41 No.74688377?>>74688394 >>74688421 >>74688442
>>74691519
>>74688266
as an SRE and former full-time dev on government contracts, i can't help but think
the entire scrum ecosystem was created to give useless people some cover so useless
higher-ups don't get rid of them.

seriously, you have incompetent devs making up weeks/months worth of points for
work that should only take an hour or two (if you're not a drooling moron - apache
config? that's 2 sprints. session persistence in weblogic? 6 months. signing SAML
requests? shit that'll take a year..), and you have scrum masters lording over this
pointless process because otherwise 'nothing would get done on a schedule' even
though the entire problem is the business hiring incompetent drooling moron
developers. and the incompetent higher-ups see a bunch of pretty charts and epics
and stories and blah-blah-blah which makes them happy, because they sure as shit
don't know anything about how the code should be written.

leaving that sphere of idiocy was the best thing i ever did, the 20+ person team i
left hasn't done shit since i left (because i did all the work) but they keep
getting paid, and stories keep getting churned out and points are flying out of
everyone's ass, so the higher-ups will be happy. in the meantime, smaller competent
outfits are eating their lunch. without a fucking scrum master. and when the
bloated mess of a company goes bankrupt it'll somehow be a surprise to the 95% of
people there who don't do any work.

yes i'm still mad.

>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:11:36 No.74688393?
>>74688338
Yeah I completely agree, these incel developers cannot even communicate their
stories
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:11:49 No.74688394?
>>74688377
imagine being a filthy contractor lmao
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:13:09 No.74688407?>>74688439 >>74688448
>>74688376
Too bad your productivity is ass without mommy scrum master keeping you on track so
you don�t dick around with lib of the week.

And you fucking WISH there was micromanagement. Your zoomer ass has never SEEN
micromanagement. Instead you call MWF 15 min scrums �mciromanagement�. Fucking
fuck.

> sticking to a TODO list and being responsible is �complexity�

That�s you. That�s what you sound like.

> jumped ship

Kek someone doesn�t know what IC means. I�m doing both, niggerfaggot. Git gud and
come work for FAANG, gaylord.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:15:04 No.74688421?>>74688452 >>74694890
>>74688377
Maybe you should talk to your scrum master for advice? In my agile coaching course
we were tought that face-to-face communication (the most agile way) is the best and
that our support of individual contributors was important
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:17:09 No.74688439?>>74688452
>>74688407
This guy gets it, we need an hour long meeting everyday to get these retards back
onto their stories
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:17:16 No.74688440?>>74688449 >>74688452
>>74688240 (OP)
fuck scrum
fuck scrum masters that are in other states
fuck companies that make you work with scrum masters and other teams in other
countries and states and time zones
fuck scrum masters
fuck development cycles
install gentoo
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:17:24 No.74688442?>>74688536
>>74688377
You wish it was just incompetence. In my case it�s faggot PMs with
late/unreasonable requests, OPs from India and INTERRUPTION DRIVEN DEVELOPMENT.

Sprints and points are one of the only ways to defend against that shit and proove
that you accomplished work even though you didn�t ship shit because Pajeet cannot
into mTLS and ceritifcates.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:18:50 No.74688448?>>74688461
>>74688407
buttmadd virgin scrum master cucked by chad programmers detected
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:19:00 No.74688449?>>74688453 >>74688488
>>74688440
>he couldnt afford the scrum master certification class
>he couldn't pass the class
Pick one
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:19:21 No.74688452?>>74688474 >>74688521
>>74688421
Would you rather have a meeting over it, faggot?

>>74688439
I WROTE 15 MINUTES YOU ASSTARDED DEVELOPER YOU CANNOT READ FUCK.

>>74688440
If your scrum master is not also your team member and IC then I truly feel bad for
you. Scrum masters without a tech background are fucking dirt.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:19:31 No.74688453?
>>74688449
>paying to be retarded
lmao
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:20:27 No.74688461?>>74688475
>>74688448
I am also a developer. It�s like you faggots prove you cannot read. Thanks for
letting me vent though <3
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:22:16 No.74688474?>>74688505 >>74688521
>>74688452
>Scrum masters without a tech background are fucking dirt.
I disagree. Being a programmer comes with a certain mindset and set of habits that
agile is specifically trying to mitigate. Those don't just disappear when you
become a manager. The best manager types are NON-programmers that can rein in the
children.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:22:18 No.74688475?>>74688505
>>74688461
It's ok man one day you'll learn those social skills and upgrade to being a scrum
master. The more rewarding job honestly
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:24:39 No.74688488?>>74688505 >>74688521
>>74688449
no you don't get it
i never wanted to work with a scrum master
I didn't know what scrum was until I was forced to do it with some bitch of a scrum
master 2,500 miles away over the phone
no one cares scrum troll, you are all worthless piss ants
i was happy the way we worked, scrum is still there now, but when you come here and
say that we should all like it, im going to tell you you are a filthy cock sucking
fairy, because scrum is for morons that want to make more profit off of an organic
process
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:25:39 No.74688496?>>74688511
>Scrum Master
Fucking kill yourself you fucking waste of oxygen.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:27:05 No.74688505?>>74688520 >>74688553
>>74688474
Respectfully disagree. Best managers are non autists who could code but know better
when to delegate.

>>74688475
But I am already both anon ;_;

BOTH INSIDE ONE PERSON. And no! I don�t get paid extra to mommy your stupid ass.
�This is what an Acceptance Criteria looks like, honey�

>>74688488
Scrum is there because you are a disorganized piece of shit with no accountability.
If you were really good you could also be a dcrum master in your team at the same
t8me.
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:27:37 No.74688511?
>>74688496
Don't worry I'm a double-edged sword since I'm an Agile coach
>>
Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)01:29:08 No.74688520?
File: fig3-value-stream-mapping(...).png (785 KB, 1024x459)
785 KB
>>74688505
This could be you streamlining your workflow