Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Jacqueline Kaufman
Preface and Chapter One Assignment
Question #1: Discuss the pros and cons of encounters (with parents) described as
“generally brief, cordial and superficial.”
Brief, cordial and superficial at first can be experienced as a relief, a clear division of
teacher-parent turf and responsibilities that can be summed up as a sort of “you do your
thing in your classroom and I’ll do what I need to do at home” attitude. There are so
many ways this approach can lead to miscommunication, misunderstanding, and
misrepresentation of a specific situation, mistakes, mistrust and all the attendant afflictive
emotions that so often lead to blame, acrimony and administrative involvement.
Brief and cordial can work, as long as superficial is replaced with precision and exertion.
It is essential, I believe, for the teacher to take the lead in informing parents:
• how she runs her classroom
• what her expectations are for a child on an IEP or 504 plan
• what her expectations are for the parent/care-givers throughout the school year
• an agreed upon schedule and method for weekly communication.
Gorman’s citation from Hancock in Chapter One, “…it needs to be recognized that
parental involvement is actually a very demanding form of curriculum development for a
class teacher. (Hancock, 1998, p. 410)” (Gorman, 2004, p.2) is resonant with my direct
experience. Like so many aspects of being a teacher, this means more work for me.
Question 2: Attributes of a relationship with a parent (s) that allowed for rewarding
collaboration.
I would so much prefer NOT to have to provide the coaching, counseling and scaffolding
necessary for parents to accept and engage in their kids’ lives in consistent and positive
ways... I would prefer to be the teacher and trust they will be safe, affectionate and
supportive parents who provide for their children’s’ basic needs. when they leave school.
Sadly, this just doesn’t happen very often.
ED 589 Achieving Success with parents of Students with Special Needs
Jacqueline Kaufman
Preface and Chapter One Assignment
My teaching style is grounded in practicing presence with mind and body, so I can deeply
listen, and ask questions that provide a chance to go deeper into an articulation of feelings
or experiences, being responsible to my students for a high level of preparation and
engagement with their individual learning styles.
Mutual respect
A clear understanding of one’s role
A clear understanding of the other’s role
Opportunity for feedback
Openness to change or adjustment as needed
Similar expectations
Defined common goals
(Gorman, 2004, p.3)
Question 7: List some of the ways that you currently use, or plan to use to nurture
the characteristics in your relationships with parents.
Question 8: Describe a challenging family situation. How did you cope? Reference
the definition of empathy in the text.
Gorman defines empathy as being able to take the perspective of another and also feeling
compassion and sympathy for another in her citations of Ickes, 1997 and Batson &
Shaw, 1991 (paraphrase, Gorman, 2004 p. 5).
So when I received a distraught call from a Dad of a teenager with an emotional disability
that informs be the teen is in juvenile jail for breaking and entering a home late at night to
go to the bedside of a rival for a girl’s affection wielding a baseball bat and breaking his
legs, I have no comparable life experience. I do have experience with shock and horror
and grief and loss that allows me to connect, rather than condemn, creating space rather
than leaping to some judgment or conclusion about this human being’s parenting style.
Empathy allowed me to be present with the parent in his distress, ask about his own
wellbeing and give reassurances about school work, taking one item off his list of things
to be concerned about.
Question 9: Given the unique challenges of parenting a child with special needs, do
you feel these parents sometimes make having empathy more or less difficult?
Please explain your thoughts.
Empathy is difficult when a parent becomes aggressive, hostile and accusatory and there
is a mind and body lunge for self preservation and back up from people with
administrative titles and better parking spots.
Empathy is difficult when a parent seems unable to notice and appreciate the inner
beauty, courage and strength of a teen whose outer presentation is affected by a disability
so that all the parent speaks about is what this child can’t do in the child’s presence.
Open posture is essential to presence. Straight spine, relaxed jaw, quiet hands indicate
you are here now and available in this moment. Open posture gently communicates that
whatever is going on right now is the priority.
Eye contact also indicates presence, expresses value in another’s communication and can
provide a bridge to empathy by observing if the speaker is tearing up or seeking a quick
exit with his or her eyes.
11. List some of the poor communication skills. Have you ever found yourself using
any of them? What were the circumstances surrounding the situation?
Poor skills: Sitting far away, looking away, displaying closed posture, blaming.
I am taken refuge in all of these. When I feel attacked, disregarded, not allowed a single
misstep or poor choice of words then I tend to close up and back away from parents. In
general, the circumstances run something like this: I have a troubled teen on my roster
ED 589 Achieving Success with parents of Students with Special Needs
Jacqueline Kaufman
Preface and Chapter One Assignment
that might be on an IEP or 504. I have put in a lot of time to create a caring environment
and personal relationship with the child. I have crossed the line into counselor, for which
I have no training, with the parent, and it all comes back to kick me in the posterior when
the child is failing or suspended or caught with drugs or cigarettes and somehow, it is my
fault. That’s when I retreat. And, once I have crawled into a seemingly protective shell,
I do not have a good record of coming out again. Relations revert to the cordial and
superficial level for the remainder of the school year, and I work to shed the child from
my roster before the next school year begins.
12. Describe the six actions listed that the author offers as ways to strengthen
relationships and limit legal liability with parents.
• Document everything. In an organized format that works for me, Gorman
recommends documenting every encounter with non-judgmental factual or data-
derived language with the understanding that parents have a right to see all paper
and computer records around their child’s education.
• Focus on the truth. This is a fuller recommendation of using language that is data-
derived and non-judgmental, suggesting language like, “Grace has not attended
school 42 of the 84 days this semester” as opposed to “Grace’s attendance is
awful.”
• Go to the source. School can be like a crazy game of Operator with the original
incident or message completely changed by the time it reaches my ears. So often,
well intentioned grown ups respond to what they have been told without sourcing
the information prior to choosing a course of action.
• Get help. Gorman recommends involving another professional who can help in the
event of a conflict with the potential to escalate. I have frequently experienced
relief at my personal policy to never speak to a student about a potentially
inflammatory incident or comment without another teacher present.
Build relationships conscientiously. Gorman offers, “Ultimately, people who like you do
not sue you.” (Gorman, 2004, p.11) I’m not sure I agree with her. Look at divorce court.
However, effort counts and I have seen even the most distrustful parent let down their
guard when I have made an effort to take time over the weeks to call or email
consistently, and especially with good news.
ED 589 Achieving Success with parents of Students with Special Needs
Jacqueline Kaufman
Preface and Chapter One Assignment
Forming an orientation process in which there is mild tension and guarded polite
interaction
Storming Over time, initial inhibitions subside and the group begins to work together.
At this point, some conflict occurs, propelling the group into the stage of storming.
Changing minor factors about when to meet and how to communicate might ameliorate
this initial storming stage.
Norming is the phase groups move on to if the conflict in the storming stage can be
successfully resolved. This is when the group begins to tightly bond and there is a
feeling of unity and camaraderie that allows the group to be productive.
Performing is when the group has effective communication, common goals and
delineated roles. The work of the group is getting done.
Adjourning is the terminology for the attainment or completion of the group’s goals or
the phase when time to work as a group simply ends, like graduation from school.
14. Have you ever been involved in a personal or professional relationship stuck in
the storming stage? Thinking back, was there anything you could have done
differently to help move the relationship to a more productive place?
I wish you could witness my extremely exaggerated eye roll as I answer an emphatic
YES to the first part of this question. Many times I have stalled out in the storming stage.
What I can always do more of is create the time and space for me to get in touch with my
emotions and notice what I am telling myself, the judgment, the labeling, the hot felt
sensations, and give my self compassion and summon the courage to just let all that be
until, of its own accord, like clouds in the stratosphere, they dissipate. Then I can take a
deep breath, and try to do better.