BAYANI, Maria Isabela D.

1F1 — AB Psychology
MME

Having a religion and being religious are two different things. Being religious means devoting to
your God and lifting your whole being to Him. Having a religion means you believe there is a
God, but sometimes you don’t believe enough to lift yourself up to that God, and you don’t see
the importance and power of prayer—but you are not an atheist. You still claim a religion.

I was one of those just-existing Catholics. I was just there in the church, but I don’t think I ever
did something that’s out of my comfort zone and is a catholic trait. But I do believe there is a
God, always have, however, I didn’t pay much attention to Him or the church. And as much as I
hate to admit, I can only recall myself genuinely praying in times of desperate need. I hate to
admit that I only used to pray whenever I’m in deep trouble, but it was during these moments
when I experienced God Himself.

My fate was sealed after graduating High School in April of 2018. I already knew that I was not
going to college right after I graduate. My brother was a student of University of Asia and the
Pacific then, and he was due to graduate in August of 2019; the only time I could go to college
because of financial difficulties. At first, I was okay with it. I mean, everyone in high school
always dreaded school that they would tweet about wanting a vacation that’s a year long. What
could go wrong about actually getting one? Senior High worn me out I deserve a breather that’s
18 months long, anyone would be so jealous of me getting this vacation we all always wanted
since grade school. But it hasn’t even been at least half a year that I already felt so empty and
tired of not doing anything, not to mention, seeing my friends get all hyped up for college really
got the best of my emotions. I wasn’t sure anymore if I was still really okay with taking a gap
year. Would I really be happy not going to college? No, scratch that. Would I really be okay not
being in school when I AM supposed to be in school? My age is for when I am still supposed to
be in school. I was 18, not 30.

So I went to great lengths—literally, commuted from Pasig to Manila every day. I wasn’t sure
what to expect because I didn’t have my Form 137 with me because I still had debts from my
High School. Would UST let me go to college without my High School report card? No. But it
wouldn’t hurt to try and pakiusap. I got there with the intent of just asking for a special USTET,
but my Tita showed up in the campus and greeted me. I didn’t know what she was there for,
probably enrolling my friend. But then I realized my friend was already in UPD so I asked why
my Tita was there. “I’m the department head of Psychology. Ano bang course mo dito?” my
heart stopped for what felt like forever and my world stopped turning. That was God. I came to
UST depending on luck, looking like a lost dog around the big campus. This can’t be just a
coincidence.

I was given the chance to take the special USTET even when it was already freshman week
then. My Tita learned about my situation, and gave me her blessing, a full scholarship with
uniforms and books too. I’m not sure if there’s such a person that’s kind enough, but if ever
there really is, they are God sent.

I am in Assumption College today because no matter how strong my Tita is of a connection,

UST could really not let me enroll without my Form 137. And that was beyond my Tita’s control.
I understood, logically. But emotionally, I chose not to understand. I felt played. I was mad. I had
the scholarship in my hands… for a week. I prayed desperately, reached out to my relatives for
financial help to get my form 137 and told them I’d be a scholar in UST if they helped me, but
they only ALMOST helped. I felt played yet again. I was depressed that it can be physically
seen, I lost 30 kg from my gap year. Not by working out but by not having the energy to do
anything— to even get out of bed and bathe. I prayed angrily, and sad. But I didn’t loathe Him.
“Hindi po ako galit, help me understand lang po.” is what I always told him. Soon enough I found
peace within myself and learned to accept my situation. Sure, I would get the scholarship. But
that would conflict with my family’s financial struggles if they borrowed money from people just
to get my Form 137.

This year God sent my Lolo to support my studies and my sister’s, my debt in St. Paul Pasig
has been cleared, he is paying for AC and St Paul, and providing our weekly allowances.
I have the best set of friends here who are unique and irreplaceable, it scared me that I almost
didn’t meet them because never have I ever considered nor pictured myself going to AC. But
thank God I am here. I wouldn’t have met them if I went to UST. I learned from this experience
that I should never act ahead of God’s plans. Trust Him because He did not just create us to put
us here, He will always continue to provide for us.