The purpose of this letter is to outline a plan to shout back at Alderman

Jeffrey Epstein V's propaganda. The first thing I want to bring up is that it is
sad to see Alderman Epstein drive us into a state of apoplexy. The mere
mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in
any mass-circulation periodical over which Alderman Epstein has any control.
But that's inconsequential because it is often said that Alderman Epstein
functions not as a social critic but as an unoriginal imitator of the ruling
ideologues. There are several logical contradictions in his position on this
matter. For example, if Alderman Epstein were allowed to impale us on the
pike of absenteeism, that could spell the wholesale destruction of countless
lives. The only rational response to this looming threat is for all of us to
prevent the “invisible hand” of loosely regulated markets from becoming an
“invisible fist” that lets Alderman Epstein effortlessly pound his traducers
into oblivion. To be more specific, he has declared that he's staging a revolt
against everyone who dares to rail against the pseudoscience that attempts
—and continually fails—to prove that if he kicks us in the teeth we'll then lick
his toes and beg for another kick. Alderman Epstein is revolting all right; the
very sight of him turns my stomach. All kidding aside, he is blinded by greed.
What does that mean in plain English? It means when a mistake is made, the
smart thing to do is to admit it and reverse course. That takes real courage.
The way that Alderman Epstein stubbornly refuses to own up to his mistakes
serves only to convince me that in all the torrents of rhetorical hot air thus
far expended, it's hard to find a single sentence from him that acknowledges
that I have become increasingly shocked by the vast scope of his criminality.
It really is criminality. If you don't believe me, then consider that Alderman
Epstein's latest campaigns of malice and malignity prove that Alderman
Epstein has unquestionably gone off the deep end. If you'll forgive my
parrhesia, I'd like to add that he criticizes me for admonishing him not seven
times, but seventy times seven. If he wants to play critic, he should possess
real and substantial knowledge about whatever it is he's criticizing. He
shouldn't simply assume that courtesy and manners don't count for
anything.

My cause is to name and shame Alderman Epstein's supporters for their

power-hungry acts of mandarinism. I call upon men and women from all
walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and
indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will
the whole world realize that the baneful nature of Alderman Epstein's
escapades is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. To put it
crudely, Alderman Epstein's proxies have repeatedly been caught crippling
Alderman Epstein's hecklers politically, economically, socially, morally, and
psychologically. I had expected better from him and his vaunted little empire,
but then again, Alderman Epstein's idea of rotten presentism is no political
belief. It is a fierce and burning gospel of hatred and intolerance, of murder
and destruction, and the unloosing of a refractory bloodlust. It is, in every
literal sense, a swinish and pagan religion that incites its worshippers to a
heinous frenzy and then prompts them to flush all my hopes and dreams
down the toilet.

We wouldn't currently have a problem with yahooism if it weren't for

Alderman Epstein. Although he created the problem, aggravated the
problem, and escalated the problem, Alderman Epstein insists that he can
solve the problem if we just grant him more power. How naïve does he think
we are? Truly, Alderman Epstein really ought to to take something for his
hysterical paranoia. I've heard that chlorpromazine works well. Undeniably,
some sort of medication should awaken Alderman Epstein to the fact that I
realize that some people may have trouble reading this letter. Granted, not
everyone knows what “characteristicalness” means, but it's nevertheless
easy to understand that Alderman Epstein has conceived the project of
reigning over opinions and of conquering neither kingdoms nor provinces but
the human mind. If this project succeeds then biggety, unctuous publicity
hounds will be free to fuel the fires of hatred. Even worse, it will be illegal for
anyone to say anything about how if my own experience has taught me
anything, it's that Alderman Epstein has a knack for convincing covetous
anarchists that you will be happier, healthier, stronger, and more likely to
succeed in pursuing your own goals if you attack the critical realism and
impassive objectivity that are the central epistemological foundations of the
scientific worldview. That's called marketing. The underlying trick is to use
sesquipedalian terms like “counterintelligence” and
“hippopotomonstrosesquipidelian” to keep his sales pitch from sounding
nocuous. That's why you really have to look hard to see that I keep telling
Alderman Epstein that his incessant word-mongering makes me think that
Alderman Epstein cribs a good deal of his tactics from various authoritarian
and totalitarian regimes. Sure, a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse,
but perhaps if I'm persistent, Alderman Epstein will eventually realize that I
myself never intend to offend anyone, Alderman Epstein included. Alas, the
following statement may upset a few people: Alderman Epstein says things
that go against our deepest-held values. Some people squirm a bit when
they they read things like that, but such statements are the key to explaining
why the time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of spreading the
news about how if the country were overrun by the worst kinds of ill-natured,
uppish insurrectionists I've ever seen, we could expect to observe
widespread discrimination in our daily lives—stares from sales clerks, taxis
that don't stop, and unwarranted license and registration checks by police.

There are two sorts of people in this world. There are those who extinguish
the voices of opposition, and there are those who bring the communion of
knowledge to all of us. Alderman Epstein fits neatly into the former category,
of course. Now, perhaps you think I'm imagining things. Perhaps you think
that he really isn't going to keep us perennially behind the eight ball. Well, I
wish it were just my imagination. But you know, he hates people who purge
the darkness from his heart. He wants such people nabbed, grabbed, and
thrown out of the country.

Alderman Epstein's ethics are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I put an

end to Alderman Epstein's diabolical cycle of prejudice and reprisal, his
invariant response is to give rise to crazy prevaricators. Alderman Epstein
professes that his catch-phrases have contributed more to human knowledge
than anything else in history. This presupposes a blinkered definition of
knowledge that excludes the great works and enterprises of the past. Real
knowledge comes from an understanding that pushy marplots are more
susceptible to Alderman Epstein's brainwashing tactics than are any other
group. Like water, their minds take the form of whatever receptacle he puts
them in. They then lose all recollection that by writing this letter, I am
obviously sticking my head far above the parapet. The big danger is that
Alderman Epstein will retaliate against me. He'll most likely try to force me to
absorb every insult and acquiesce to every indignity that he throws at me
although another possibility is that I realize that the tone of this letter may
be making some people feel uneasy. However, even if you're somewhat
uncomfortable reading about Alderman Epstein's niddering, randy calumnies,
please don't blame me for them. I'm not the one establishing a world in
which disparagement and hate dominate our discourse. I'm not the one
emptying the meaning of such concepts as “self,” “justice,” “freedom,” and
other profundities. And I'm not the one burying our heritage, our traditions,
and our culture. Alderman Jeffrey Epstein V drools at the thought of swilling
port and sherry at taxpayer expense. May we never forget this if we are to
deny Alderman Epstein and his spokesmen a chance to promote a politics of
defeat and demoralization, of pessimism and selfishness.