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Individual – Marriage - Happiness

 Do not believe in anything (simply) because you have heard it.


 Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many
generations.
 Do not believe in anything because it is spoken and rumored by many.
 Do not believe in anything (simply) because it is found written in your religious
books.
 Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
 But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with
reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all then accept it and
live up to it.

INDEX

1. Fundamentals ---------------------------------------------------------- Page 2


2. Protection/Blessings ------------------------ -------------------------- 3
3. How acting is a disciple virtuous who are householders? -------- 4
4. A lay person’s Code of Discipline ----------------------------------- 5
5. Living Together --------------------------------------------------------- 13
6. Business (Wrong Livelihood) ----------------------------------------- 14
7. Arrangements for this World ------------------------------------------ 15
8. Ten Instructions to the Bride leaving to in-laws house ------------- 16
9. Seven Kinds of Wives --------------------------------------------------- 18
10. Velam Sutta --------------------------------------------------------------- 19
11. How to lead a Happy Life ----------------------------------------------- 21
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Chapter 1

FUNDAMENTALS

“Abandoning the taking of life, he abstains from the taking of life. He dwells with his rod
laid down, his knife laid down, scrupulous, merciful, and compassionate for the welfare
of all living beings. This is part of his virtue.

“He abstains from stealing. Abandoning the taking of what is not given, he abstains from
taking what is not given (because it does not belong to him). He takes only what is given,
accepts only what is given, lives not by stealth but by means of a self that has become
pure. This, too, is part of his virtue.

“Abandoning sexual misconduct, he lives a life of good conduct. This, too, is part of his
virtue.

“Abandoning false speech, he abstains from false speech. He speaks the truth, holds to
the truth, and is firm, reliable, no deceiver of the world. This, too, is part of his virtue.

“Abandoning divisive speech he abstains from divisive speech. What he has heard here
he does not tell there to break those people apart from these people here. What he has
heard there he does not tell here to break these people apart from those people there. Thus
reconciling those who have broken apart or cementing those who are united, he loves
concord, delights in concord, enjoys concord, and speaks things that create concord. This,
too, is part of his virtue.

“Abandoning abusive speech, he abstains from abusive speech. He speaks words that are
soothing to the ear, that are affectionate, that go to the heart, that are polite, appealing and
pleasing to people at large. This, too, is part of his virtue.

“Abandoning idle chatter, he abstains from idle chatter. He speaks in season, speaks what
is factual, what is in accordance with the goal, the Dhamma, and the Vinaya. He speaks
words worth treasuring, seasonable, reasonable, circumscribed, and connected with the
goal. This, too, is part of his virtue.

“He abstains from damaging seed and plant life.

“He eats moderately, refraining from the evening meal and from food at the wrong time
of day.

“He abstains from accepting women and girls… male and female slaves.

“He abstains from running messages, from dealing with false scales, false metals, and
false measures… from bribery, deception, and fraud.
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“He abstains from mutilating, executing, imprisoning, highway robbery, plunder, and
violence.

“This, too, is part of his virtue.

Chapter 2

Protection/Blessings

“Not to associate with the foolish, but to associate with the wise; and to honor those who
are worthy of honor — this is the greatest blessing.

To reside in a suitable locality, to have done meritorious actions in the past and to set
oneself in the right course — this is the greatest blessing.

To have much learning, to be skillful in handicraft, well-trained in discipline, and to be of


good speech — this is the greatest blessing.

To support mother and father, to cherish wife and children, and to be engaged in peaceful
occupation — this is the greatest blessing.

To be generous in giving, to be righteous in conduct, to help one’s relatives, and to be


blameless in action — this is the greatest blessing.

To loathe more evil and abstain from it, to refrain from intoxicants, and to be steadfast in
virtue — this is the greatest blessing.

To be respectful, humble, contented and grateful; and to listen to the Dhamma on due
occasions — this is the greatest blessing.

To be patient and obedient, to associate with monks and to have religious discussions on
due occasions — this is the greatest blessing.

Self-restraint, a holy and chaste life, the perception of the Noble Truths and the
realisation of Nibbana — this is the greatest blessing.

A mind unruffled by the vagaries of fortune, from sorrow freed, from defilements
cleansed, from fear liberated — this is the greatest blessing.

Those who thus abide, ever remain invincible, in happiness established. These are the
greatest blessings.”
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Chapter 3
How acting is a disciple virtuous who are householders?
"He should not kill a living being, nor cause it to be killed, nor should he incite another to
kill. Do not injure any being, either strong or weak, in the world.

"A disciple should avoid taking anything from anywhere knowing it (to belong to
another). He should not steal nor incite another to steal. He should completely avoid
theft.

"A wise man should avoid unchastity as (he would avoid falling into) a pit of glowing
charcoal. If unable to lead a celibate life, he should not go to another's wife.

"Having entered a royal court or a company of people he should not speak lies. He should
not speak lies (himself) nor incite others to do so. He should completely avoid falsehood.

"A layman who has chosen to practice this Dhamma should not indulge in the drinking of
intoxicants. He should not drink them nor encourage others to do so; realizing that it
leads to madness. Through intoxication foolish people perform evil deeds and cause other
heedless people to do likewise. He should avoid intoxication, this occasion for demerit,
which stupefies the mind, and is the pleasure of foolish people.

Do not kill a living being;


do not take what is not given;
do not speak a lie;
do not drink intoxicants;
abstain from sexual intercourse;
do not eat food at night, at the wrong time;
do not wear flower-garlands nor use perfumes;
use the ground as a bed or sleep on a mat.

"With a gladdened mind observe the observance day (uposatha), complete with its eight
factors, on the fourteenth, fifteenth and eighth days of the (lunar) fortnight and also the
special holiday of the half month. In the morning, with a pure heart and a joyful mind, a
wise man, after observing the uposatha, should distribute suitable food and drink to the
community of bhikkhus. He should support his mother and father as his duty and engage
in lawful trading.
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Chapter 4

The Layperson's Code of Discipline

"Inasmuch, young householder, as the noble disciple (1) has eradicated the four vices in
conduct, (2) inasmuch as he commits no evil action in four ways, (3) inasmuch as he
pursues not the six channels for dissipating wealth, he thus, avoiding these fourteen evil
things, enters the path leading to victory in both worlds: he is favored in this world and in
the world beyond.

(1) "What are the four vices in conduct that he has eradicated? The destruction of life,
householder, is a vice and so are stealing, sexual misconduct, and lying. These are the
four vices that he has eradicated."

he spoke yet again:

Killing, stealing, lying and adultery,


These four evils the wise never praise.

(2) "In which four ways does one commit no evil action? Led by desire does one commit
evil. Led by anger does one commit evil. Led by ignorance does one commit evil. Led by
fear does one commit evil.

"But inasmuch as the noble disciple is not led by desire, anger, ignorance, and fear, he
commits no evil."

he spoke yet again:

Whoever through desire, hate or fear,


Or ignorance should transgress the Dhamma,
All his glory fades away
Like the moon during the waning half.
Whoever through desire, hate or fear,
Or ignorance never transgresses the Dhamma,
All his glory ever increases
Like the moon during the waxing half.

(3) "What are the six channels for dissipating wealth which he does not pursue?

(a) "indulgence in intoxicants which cause infatuation and


heedlessness;
(b) sauntering in streets at unseemly hours;
(c) frequenting theatrical shows;
(d) indulgence in gambling which causes heedlessness;
(e) association with evil companions;
(f) the habit of idleness.

(a) "There are, young householder, these six evil consequences in indulging in
intoxicants which cause infatuation and heedlessness:
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(i) loss of wealth,


(ii) increase of quarrels,
(iii) susceptibility to disease,
(iv) earning an evil reputation,
(v) shameless exposure of body,
(vi) weakening of intellect.

(b) "There are, young householder, these six evil consequences in sauntering in streets at
unseemly hours:

(i) he himself is unprotected and unguarded,


(ii) his wife and children are unprotected and unguarded,
(iii) his property is unprotected and unguarded,
(iv) he is suspected of evil deeds,
(v) he is subject to false rumours,
(vi) he meets with many troubles.

(c) "There are, young householder, these six evil consequences in frequenting theatrical
shows. He is ever thinking:

(i) where is there dancing?


(ii) where is there singing?
(iii) where is there music?
(iv) where is there recitation?
(v) where is there playing with cymbals?
(vi) where is there pot-blowing?

(d) "There are, young householder, these six evil consequences in indulging in gambling:

(i) the winner begets hate,


(ii) the loser grieves for lost wealth,
(iii) loss of wealth,
(iv) his word is not relied upon in a court of law,
(v) he is despised by his friends and associates,
(vi) he is not sought after for matrimony; for people would say he is a
gambler and is not fit to look after a wife.

(e) "There are, young householder, these six evil consequences in associating with evil
companions, namely: any gambler, any libertine, any drunkard, any swindler, any cheat,
any rowdy is his friend and companion.

(f) "There are, young householder, these six evil consequences in being addicted to
idleness:

"He does no work, saying:

(i) that it is extremely cold,


(ii) that it is extremely hot,
(iii) that it is too late in the evening,
(iv) that it is too early in the morning,
(v) that he is extremely hungry,
(vi) that he is too full.
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"Living in this way, he leaves many duties undone, new wealth he does not get, and
wealth he has acquired dwindles away."

he spoke yet again:

"One is a bottle friend; one says, 'friend, friend' only to one's face; one is a friend and an
associate only when it is advantageous.

"Sleeping till sunrise, adultery, irascibility, malevolence, evil companions, avarice —


these six causes ruin a man.

"The man who has evil comrades and friends is given to evil ways, to ruin does he fall in
both worlds — here and the next.

"Dice, women, liquor, dancing, singing, sleeping by day, sauntering at unseemly hours,
evil companions, avarice — these nine causes ruin a man.

"Who plays with dice and drinks intoxicants, goes to women who are dear unto others as
their own lives, associates with the mean and not with elders — he declines just as the
moon during the waning half.

"Who is drunk, poor, destitute, still thirsty whilst drinking, frequents the bars, sinks in
debt as a stone in water, swiftly brings disrepute to his family.

"Who by habit sleeps by day, and keeps late hours, is ever intoxicated, and is licentious,
is not fit to lead a household life.

"Who says it is too hot, too cold, too late, and leaves things undone, the opportunities for
good go past such men.

"But he who does not regard cold or heat any more than a blade of grass and who does
his duties manfully, does not fall away from happiness."

"These four, young householder, should be understood as foes in the guise of friends:

(1) he who appropriates a friend's possessions,


(2) he who renders lip-service,
(3) he who flatters,
(4) he who brings ruin.

(1) "In four ways, young householder, should one who appropriates be understood as a
foe in the guise of a friend:

(i) he appropriates his friend's wealth,


(ii) he gives little and asks much,
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(iii) he does his duty out of fear,


(iv) he associates for his own advantage.

(2) "In four ways, young householder, should one who renders lip-service be understood
as a foe in the guise of a friend:

(i) he makes friendly profession as regards the past,


(ii) he makes friendly profession as regards the future,
(iii) he tries to gain one's favor by empty words,
(iv) when opportunity for service has arisen, he expresses his
inability.

(3) "In four ways, young householder, should one who flatters be understood as a foe in
the guise of a friend:

(i) he approves of his friend's evil deeds,


(ii) he disapproves his friend's good deeds,
(iii) he praises him in his presence,
(iv) he speaks ill of him in his absence.

(4) "In four ways, young householder, should one who brings ruin be understood as a foe
in the guise of a friend:

(i) he is a companion in indulging in intoxicants that cause


infatuation and heedlessness,
(ii) he is a companion in sauntering in streets at unseemly hours,
(iii) he is a companion in frequenting theatrical shows,
(iv) he is a companion in indulging in gambling which causes
heedlessness."

he spoke yet again:

The friend who appropriates,


the friend who renders lip-service,
the friend that flatters,
the friend who brings ruin,
these four as enemies the wise behold,
avoid them from afar as paths of peril.

"These four, young householder, should be understood as warm-hearted friends:

(1) he who is a helpmate,


(2) he who is the same in happiness and sorrow,
(3) he who gives good counsel,
(4) he who sympathizes.

(1) "In four ways, young householder, should a helpmate be understood as a warm-
hearted friend:

(i) he guards the heedless,


(ii) he protects the wealth of the heedless,
(iii) he becomes a refuge when you are in danger,
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(iv) when there are commitments he provides you with double the
supply needed.

(2) "In four ways, young householder, should one who is the same in happiness and
sorrow be understood as a warm-hearted friend:

(i) he reveals his secrets,


(ii) he conceals one's own secrets,
(iii) in misfortune he does not forsake one,
(iv) his life even he sacrifices for one's sake.

(3) "In four ways, young householder, should one who gives good counsel be understood
as a warm-hearted friend:

(i) he restrains one from doing evil,


(ii) he encourages one to do good,
(iii) he informs one of what is unknown to oneself,
(iv) he points out the path to heaven.

(4) "In four ways, young householder, should one who sympathizes be understood as a
warm-hearted friend:

(i) he does not rejoice in one's misfortune,


(ii) he rejoices in one's prosperity,
(iii) he restrains others speaking ill of oneself,
(iv) he praises those who speak well of oneself."

he spoke yet again:

The friend who is a helpmate,


the friend in happiness and woe,
the friend who gives good counsel,
the friend who sympathizes too —
these four as friends the wise behold
and cherish them devotedly
as does a mother her own child.

The wise and virtuous shine like a blazing fire.


He who acquires his wealth in harmless ways
like to a bee that honey gathers,
riches mount up for him
like ant hill's rapid growth.

With wealth acquired this way,


a layman fit for household life,
in portions four divides his wealth:
thus will he friendship win.

One portion for his wants he uses,


two portions on his business spends,
the fourth for times of need he keeps.
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"In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents:

(i) Having supported me I shall support them,


(ii) I shall do their duties,
(iii) I shall keep the family tradition,
(iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance,
(v) furthermore I shall offer alms in honor of my departed
relatives.

"In five ways, young householder, the parents thus ministered by their children, show
their compassion:

(i) they restrain them from evil,


(ii) they encourage them to do good,
(iii) they train them for a profession,
(iv) they arrange a suitable marriage,
(v) at the proper time they hand over their inheritance to them.

"In these five ways do children minister to their parents and the parents show their
compassion to their children.

"In five ways, young householder, a pupil should minister to a teacher:

(i) by rising from the seat in salutation,


(ii) by attending on him,
(iii) by eagerness to learn,
(iv) by personal service,
(v) by respectful attention while receiving instructions.

"In five ways, young householder, do teachers thus ministered by their pupils, show their
compassion:

(i) they train them in the best discipline,


(ii) they see that they grasp their lessons well,
(iii) they instruct them in the arts and sciences,
(iv) they introduce them to their friends and associates,
(v) they provide for their safety in every quarter.

"The teachers thus ministered by their pupils, show their compassion towards them in
these five ways.

"In five ways, young householder, should a wife be ministered to by a husband:

(i) by being courteous to her,


(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.

"The wife thus ministered by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five
ways:
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(i) she performs her duties well,


(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.

"In these five ways does the wife show her compassion to her husband.

"In five ways, young householder, should a clansman minister to his friends and
associates:

(i) by liberality,
(ii) by courteous speech,
(iii) by being helpful,
(iv) by being impartial,
(v) by sincerity.

"The friends and associates thus ministered by a clansman show compassion to him in
five ways:

(i) they protect him when he is heedless,


(ii) they protect his property when he is heedless,
(iii) they become a refuge when he is in danger,
(iv) they do not forsake him in his troubles,
(v) they show consideration for his family.

"The friends and associates thus ministered by a clansman show their compassion
towards him in these five ways.

"In five ways should a master minister to his servants and employees:

(i) by assigning them work according to their ability,


(ii) by supplying them with food and with wages,
(iii) by tending them in sickness,
(iv) by sharing with them any delicacies,
(v) by granting them leave at times.

"The servants and employees thus ministered by their master show their compassion to
him in five ways:

(i) they rise before him,


(ii) they go to sleep after him,
(iii) they take only what is given,
(iv) they perform their duties well,
(v) they uphold his good name and fame.

"The servants and employees thus ministered show their compassion towards him in
these five ways.

"In five ways, young householder, should a householder minister to ascetics and
brahmans:
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(i) by lovable deeds,


(ii) by lovable words,
(iii) by lovable thoughts,
(iv) by keeping open house to them,
(v) by supplying their material needs.

"The ascetics and brahmans thus ministered by a householder show their compassion
towards him in six ways:

(i) they restrain him from evil,


(ii) they persuade him to do good,
(iii) they love him with a kind heart,
(iv) they make him hear what he has not heard,
(v) they clarify what he has already heard,
(vi) they point out the path to a heavenly state.

"In these six ways do ascetics and brahmans show their compassion towards a
householder who ministers to

he spoke yet again:

The mother and father are the East,


The Teachers are the South,
Wife and Children are the West,
The friends and associates are the North.

Servants and employees are the Nadir,


The ascetics and brahmans are the Zenith;
Who is fit to lead the household life,
These six quarters he should salute.

Who is wise and virtuous,


Gentle and keen-witted,
Humble and amenable,
Such a one to honor may attain.

Who is energetic and not indolent,


In misfortune unshaken,
Flawless in manner and intelligent,
Such a one to honor may attain.

Who is hospitable, and friendly,


Liberal and unselfish,
A guide, an instructor, a leader,
Such a one to honor may attain.

Generosity, sweet speech,


Helpfulness to others,
Impartiality to all,
As the case demands.

These four winning ways make the world go round,


As the linchpin in a moving car.
If these in the world exist not,
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Neither mother nor father will receive,


Respect and honor from their children.

Since these four winning ways


The wise appraise in every way,
To eminence they attain,
And praise they rightly gain.

Chapter 5

Living Together

Householders, there are four kinds of living together. What four?

A dead male lives with a dead female, a dead male lives with a godess, a god lives with a
dead female and a god lives with a godess.

Householders, how does the dead male live with the dead female?

Here, householders the husband destroys living things, takes the not given, misbehaves in
sexual desires, tells lies, takes intoxicant and brewd drinks, is unvirtuous with evil
thoughts of miserliness and selfishness and abides scolding and abusing recluses and
Brahmins. The wife too destroys living things, takes the not given, misbehaves in sexual
desires, tells lies, takes intoxicant and brewd drinks, is unvirtuous with evil thoughts of
miserliness and selfishness and abides scolding and abusing recluses and Brahmins.
Householders, thus a dead male lives with a dead female.

Householders, how does a dead male live with a godess?

Here, householders the husband destroys living things, takes the not given, misbehaves in
sexual desires, tells lies, takes intoxicant and brewd drinks, is unvirtuous with evil
thoughts of miserliness and selfishness and abides scolding and abusing recluses and
Brahmins. The wife abstains from destroying living things, taking the not given,
misbehaving in sexual desires, telling lies, taking intoxicant and brewd drinks, is virtuous
without evil thoughts of miserliness and selfishness and abides not scolding and abusing
recluses and Brahmins. Householders, thus a dead male lives with a godess.

Householders, how does a god live with the dead female?

Here, householders the husband abstains from destroying living things, taking the not
given, misbehaving in sexual desires, telling lies, taking intoxicant and brewd drinks, is
virtuous without evil thoughts of miserliness and selfishness and abides not scolding and
abusing recluses and Brahmins. The wife destroys living things, takes the not given,
misbehaves in sexual desires, tells lies, takes intoxicant and brewd drinks, is unvirtuous
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with evil thoughts of miserliness and selfishness and abides scolding and abusing recluses
and Brahmins. Householders, thus a god lives with a dead female.

Householders, how does a god live with a godess?

Here, householders the husband abstains from destroying living things, taking the not
given, misbehaving in sexual desires, telling lies, taking intoxicant and brewd drinks, is
virtuous without evil thoughts of miserliness and selfishness and abides not scolding and
abusing recluses and Brahmins. The wife too abstains from destroying living things,
taking the not given, misbehaving in sexual desires, telling lies, taking intoxicant and
brewd drinks, is virtuous without evil thoughts of miserliness and selfishness and abides
not scolding and abusing recluses and Brahmins. Householders, thus a god lives with a
godess.

Householders, these are the four kinds of living together.


Both are unvirtuous, greedy and abusive, a dead husband living with a
dead wife.
An unvirtuous greedy abusive husband lives with a generous not envying
wife.
That's a godess living with a dead husband. A generous not envying
husband too
Lives with an unvirtuous, greedy, abusive wife; a god with a dead female
If both husband and wife are generous, restrained and live a righteous life
Are pleasant to each other it's for an abundance of good, they live
together.
Seeing both are virtuous, their enemies will be unhappy
They will lead a happy life here and enjoy heavenly sensual bliss
hereafter.

Chapter 6

Business (Wrong Livelihood)

"A lay follower should not engage in five types of business.

Which five?

Business in weapons,

business in human beings,

business in meat,

business in intoxicants,
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and business in poison.

"These are the five types of business that a lay follower should not engage in."

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Chapter 7

Arrangements for this world

The woman endowed with four things has fallen to the method of winning this world
with aroused effort for growth here. What four?

The woman is arranged in her work, sympathetic towards the junior staff, behaves
according to the wishes of the husband and protects his wealth.

How is the woman arranged in her work? Whatever work there is, in the husband's house
to make cotton or silk yarn, she becomes clever, not lazy looking out, to see what should
be done and getting it done. Thus she is arranged in her work.

How is the woman sympathetic towards the junior staff?

Whoever be the slaves, messengers and workmen in the husband's home she knows who
does the work and who does not do the work. She knows the sick, the powerful and the
weak. She divides the eatables and nourishments among them up to the last. Thus she is
sympathetic towards the junior staff..

How does the woman behave charmingly to the husband? Here, the woman does not go
beyond the wishes of the husband. Thus she behaves charmingly to the husband.

How does the woman protect the wealth of the husband?

Whatever the husband brings wealth, grains, gold and silver, she protects them without a
thievish mind, without anger with a non -fondling and non-destructive mind. Thus she
protects the wealth of her husband.

The woman endowed with these four things has fallen to the method of winning this
world with aroused effort for growth here.

The woman endowed with four things has fallen to the method of winning the other
world with aroused effort for growth here after. What four?

The woman has faith, virtues, benevolence and wisdom.

How is the woman endowed with faith? Here, the woman has faith. Takes faith in the
enlightenment of the Thus Gone One- That Blessed One is worthy, rightfully enlightened,
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endowed with knowledge and conduct, well gone, knows the worlds, is the incomparable
tamer of those to be tamed, teacher of gods and men, enlightened and blessed. Thus the
woman is endowed with faith.

How is the woman endowed with virtues?

The woman abstains from destroying living things, taking the not given, misbehaving in
sexual desires, telling lies, taking intoxicant and brewed drinks, is virtuous. Thus the
woman is endowed with virtues.

How is the woman endowed with benevolence?

Here, the woman lives in the household with a mind that has given up the stains of
selfishness. Released in benevolence with open hands fond of giving to the needy and
arranging to give gifts. Thus the woman is endowed with benevolence.

How is the woman endowed with wisdom?

"Here the woman becomes wise: she is endowed with wisdom that understands the
arising and cessation (of the five aggregates of existence); she is possessed of the noble
penetrating insight that leads to the destruction of suffering.

The woman endowed with these four things has fallen to the method of winning the other
world with aroused effort for growth here after.

Well arranged in her work, she is sympathetic towards the junior staff,

Not exceeding her husband's wishes protects his wealth.


Endowed with faith and virtues, is liberal, free from selfishness.
To make the other world pleasant, always clears the path.
If these eight things are evident in a virtuous woman,
She walks the righteous path and is truthful
If it is evident in sixteen ways with the full moon observances
She will be born with the gods of Charm.

Chapter 8

Ten Instructions to the Bride before leaving to in-laws House

These were the instructions given to his daughter Visakha by her father Dhananjaya who
was a businessman about 2500 years back. (Still they are valid today).

1. The fire in the house should not be taken out:


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There may be some defects in the persons of in-law’s


house. The daughter-in-law should not reveal these to outsiders. What there can
be to go out of the house?

2. Not to bring outside fire into the house:

The neighbors or outsiders may blame in-law’s family members. Even


though she heard all these, she should not reveal these. What else there can be to
bring from outside to inside home.

3. Should be given to those who would return back in time:

There may be certain important thing in the house. Some outsider requests
for this item as a loan. The item should be given to those people who would return
in time.

4. Should not be given to those who would not return back in time:

Sometimes outsiders request for an item as a loan and will not return in
time. The item should not be given to such people.

In life there are certain important things which are useful in the house.
Somebody requests for these as loan and does not return in time. Thus the item is
not available at the time of need. In that way difficulties are there. Also there is a
possibility of loosing friendship.

If the item is not given, only one is lost. So it is better not to give.

5. To be given to the person who returns and also to the person who does not return:

Suppose there is an item. If it is fine even without this, it can be given to


the borrower who is rich or poor or unknown or friend. In case if it is not
returned, we do not feel bad or harbor any aversion.

6. Sitting comfortably:

In the house, mother-in-law, father-in-law and other elders when they are
standing, it is improper for the daughter-in-law to sit. Sit only after all of them
have sit. This is called sitting comfortably.

7. Eating comfortably:

Eating after everybody had in the house is called eating comfortably.

8. Sleeping comfortably:
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After finishing the house hold works, serving elders, going to bed only
after they have slept. This is called sleeping comfortably.

9. Serving the family members who have the luster of fire:

Husband, Mother-in-law, Father-in-law and other elders have to be


regarded as the family members who have the luster of fire and serve them.

10. The Gods and Goddesses in the house:

Husband, Father-in-law, Mother-in-law and other elders have to be


regarded as Gods and Goddesses in the house and to be honored.

By following these, the results will be always good.

Chapter 9

Seven Kinds of Wives

Sujata and the Seven Types of Wives

Sujata came from a wealthy family and was married to the son of Anathapindika. She was
arrogant, did not respect others and did not like to listen to the instructions of her husband and his
parents. As a result of her attitude there was trouble in the family every day.

One day, when the Buddha visited the house of Anathapindika, he heard an unusual uproar in the
house and asked what it was about.

Anathapindika replied, "Lord, it is Sujata, my daughter-in-law. She does not listen to her mother-
in-law, her father-in-law or to her husband. She does not even honour nor pay respect to the
Exalted One."

The Buddha called Sujata to him and spoke kindly to her, "Sujata, there are seven types of wives
a man may have. Which of them are you?"

"What are the seven types of wives, Venerable Sir?" asked Sujata.

"Sujata, there are bad and undesirable wives. There is a wife who is troublesome. She is wicked,
bad tempered, pitiless, and not faithful to her husband."

"There is a wife who is like a thief. She wastes the money earned by her husband."

"There is a wife who is like a master. She is lazy, and thinks only about herself. She is cruel and
lacking in compassion, always scolding her husband or gossiping."
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"Sujata, there are the good and praiseworthy wives. There is a wife who is like a mother. She is
kind and compassionate and treats her husband like her son and is careful with his money."

"There is a wife who is like a sister. She is respectful towards her husband, just as a younger
sister to her brother, she is modest and obedient to her husband's wishes."

"There is a wife who is like a friend. She rejoices at the sight of her husband, just like a friend who
has not seen her friend for a long time. She is of noble birth, virtuous and faithful."

"There is a wife who is like a handmaid. She behaves as an understanding wife when her
shortcomings are pointed out. She remains calm and does not show any anger although her
husband uses some harsh words. She is obedient to her husband's wishes."

The Blessed one asked, "Sujata, which type of wife are you like, or would you wish to be like?"

Hearing these words of the Blessed One, Sujata was ashamed of her past conduct and said,
"From today onwards, let the Exalted One think of me as the one in the last example for I'll be a
good and understanding wife." She changed her behavior and became her husband's helper, and
together they worked towards enlightenment.

Chapter 10

Velama Sutta
The Scale of Good Deeds

Once, when the Buddha was dwelling near Savatthi at the Jeta Grove, the householder
Anathapindika visited him and, after greeting him politely, sat down at one side.

The Exalted One addressed Anathapindika, “Are alms given in your house,
householder?”

“Yes, Lord, alms are given by my family, but they consist only of broken rice and sour
gruel.”

“Householder, whether one gives coarse or choice alms, if one gives with respect,
thoughtfully, by one’s own hand, gives things that are not leftovers, and with belief in the
result of actions, then, wherever one is born as a result of having given with respect, the
mind will experience pleasantness.”

“Long ago, householder, there lived a Brahman named Velama who gave very valuable
gifts. He gave thousands of bowls of gold, silver and copper, filled with jewels;
thousands of horses with trappings; banners and nets of gold; carriages spread with
saffron-colored blankets; thousands of milk-giving cows with fine jute ropes and silver
milk pails; beds with covers of fleece, white blankets, embroidered coverlets, and with
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crimson cushions at the ends; lengths of cloth of the best flax, silk, wool and cotton. And
how to describe all the food, sweets and syrups that he gave? They flowed like rivers.”

“Householder, who was the Brahman who made those very valuable gifts? It was me.”

“But, when those gifts were given, householder, there were no worthy recipients.
Although the Brahman Velama gave such valuable gifts, if he had fed just one person of
right view, the fruit of the latter deed would have been greater.”

“…and though he fed a hundred people of right view, the fruit of feeding a Once-returner
would have been greater.”

“…and though he fed a hundred Sakadagamis, the fruit of feeding one Non-returner
would have been greater.”

“…and though he fed a hundred Anagamis, the fruit of feeding one Arahat would have
been greater.”

“…and though he fed a hundred Arahats, the fruit of feeding one Non-teaching Buddha
would have been greater.”

“…and though he fed a hundred Paccekkabuddhas, the fruit of feeding a Perfect One, a
Teaching Buddha, would have been greater.”

“…and though he fed a Sammasambuddha, the fruit of feeding the Order of monks with
the Buddha at its head would have been greater.”

“…and though he fed the Sangha with the Buddha at its head, the fruit of building a
monastery for the use of the Sangha would have been greater.”

“…and though he built a monastery for the monks, the fruit of sincerely taking refuge in
the Buddha, Dhamma and the Sangha would have been greater.”

“…and though he sincerely took refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma and the Sangha, the fruit
of sincerely undertaking the Five Moral Precepts would have been greater.”

“…and though he sincerely undertook the Five Precepts, the fruit of developing
(concentration on radiating) metta, even for just to the extent of a whiff of scent, would
have been greater.”

“…and though he developed universal loving-kindness, the fruit of cultivating the


awareness of anicca-even for the moment of a finger snap-would have been greater.”

Anguttara Nikaya, Navakanipata, Sutta 20


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Chapter 11

How to lead a Happy Life?

1. Faith:

• faith in the working of the Law of Karma


• faith in the consequences of actions
• faith in the individual ownership of actions and
• Faith in the reality of the enlightenment. (The qualities such as generosity, virtue,
renunciation, transcendental wisdom, effort, patience, tolerance, truthfulness,
determination, loving-kindness, equanimity).

2. Generosity:

"What is the treasure of generosity? There is the case of a disciple of the noble ones, his
awareness cleansed of the stain of stinginess, living at home, freely generous,
openhanded, delighting in being magnanimous, responsive to requests, delighting in the
distribution of alms. This is called the treasure of generosity." (Without expecting
anything in return).

3. Gratitude:

"A person of integrity is grateful & acknowledges the help given to him. This gratitude,
this acknowledgment is second nature among fine people. It is entirely on the level of a
person of integrity. (Not forgetting even the smallest help got).

4. Virtue:

1. undertake the precept to refrain from destroying living creatures.


2. undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not given.
3. undertake the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.
4. undertake the precept to refrain from incorrect speech.
5. undertake the precept to refrain from intoxicating drinks and drugs which lead
to carelessness.
Right speech, right action, & right livelihood come under the aggregate of virtue.

5. Concentration:

Right effort, right mindfulness, & right concentration come under the aggregate of
concentration.
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6. Discernment:

Right view & right resolve come under the aggregate of discernment.

7. Ending Suffering: (Life’s goal)

The Noble Eightfold Path

"And this, is the noble truth of the way of practice leading to the cessation of dukkha:
precisely this Noble Eightfold Path: right view, right resolve, right speech, right action,
right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration."

This has to be practiced in an Extroverted Way as well as Introverted Way.

Extroverted Way:

Abstain from unwholesome physical actions, vocal actions and mental actions

Perform wholesome bodily actions, vocal actions and mental actions.

Introverted Way: (Meditative Way or Self Observation)

Fold the legs and sit comfortably on a cushion (or on a chair if unable to sit on the
cushion down).

Keep back and neck straight without any stress.

Keep eyes closed gently without any stress.

Keep also the mouth closed.

In this relaxed sitting position, keep attention on the upper lip and at the entrance of the
nostrils. Now be aware as it is what is happening at this place.

Take time less than an hour. Let the period of practice be improved slowly as per the
convenience.

If the attention is on the top of the upper lip and at the entrance of the nostrils, what will
be known?

The place is known.

The natural breath is known. (Going inside and coming out).

Any sensations may be known.


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Sensations: Pleasant sensations, unpleasant sensations, and neither unpleasant nor


pleasant sensations. (Ex: Heat, cold, wetness, dryness, pain, waves etc.)

Just before ending the session, fill your mind with peace (pure love) that all beings be
happy, peaceful and come out of their miseries.

This is the introverted way of living Noble Eight Fold Path.

May you all have good health, long life and growth in realizing the Truths.

May all your right desires be fulfilled.

“May all beings be happy”

“May all beings be peaceful”

“May all beings be liberated”

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