Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change

WP1 submission question I received made to what I impacts my paper?

(from initially wrote
whom/where?)

“From three Rachel: “Thesis: When looking at This change makes

informative articles, weak… not specific” three specific my thesis more
Business Insider was examples of concise and specific
able to effectively use informative articles, to better answer the
all of its tools to build the article by Kevin prompt of the essay.
a clear and Loria from Business
informative essay for Insider was able to
their audience.” present a list that
builds a clear and
informative essay for
their audience.

“was”, “brought up”, Rachel: “[should be “Is”, “mention”, This change adds
“questioned” in] present tense” “question” structure to my essay
and makes it flow
well in present tense.
It also taught me that
I should use present
tense more, especially
in academic writing.

“The ‘runner’s high,’ Rachel: “cite” “The ‘runner’s high,’ This is a surface level
that euphoric feeling that euphoric feeling error of not citing my
you get when your you get when your texts. I correct the
body begins body begins error.
producing producing
endorphins, is a endorphins, is a
well-known and well-known and
scientifically backed scientifically backed
benefit of the practice benefit of the practice
of getting into some of getting into some
running shoes and running shoes and
pounding out some pounding out some
miles.” miles” (Injinji).

---------- I felt like this “The article by Loria This additional

paragraph could use a was effective in sentence supports the
concluding sentence limiting their use of thesis and further
 that supports the words while also proves what I am
thesis. clearly outlining their trying to prove.
purpose.”

“Another writing tool Rachel: “Never end a “Another writing tool This adds more
that can make a piece paragraph with a new that can make a piece structure by starting
feel uniform is the idea” feel uniform is the the next paragraph
use of proper diction, use of proper diction, with this sentence
jargon, and tone.” jargon, and tone.” rather than ending the
previous paragraph
with this sentence.

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change

WP2 submission question I received made to what I impacts my paper?
(from initially wrote
whom/where?)

“The process to get Rachel: “consider I combined the first This change
there though, can be [combining and second combines the first
extremely paragraphs]” paragraphs two paragraphs to
challenging. provide all initial
information in one
When thinking of a paragraph and to
topic, such as include the thesis in
running, the first the first paragraph.
thing that comes to
mind when thinking
about an associated
discipline is anatomy
or biomechanics.”

“external validity of I felt like I could “Therefore, Szabo is This adds more
controlled studies has explain the quote a pioneer in explanation for why I
received little better with an extra researching the included this
attention in the sentence after it. effects of running on particular quote
literature” (Szabo). human psychology,
---------- and is adding new
knowledge to an
otherwise unexplored
field.”

“It can be stated that I felt like, in my I fixed this by This better structures
both are similar in the previous writing moving the sentence my essay and
way that they handle project, I introduced a to the next paragraph. removes the mistake
their scientific new idea in the of introducing a new
discourse concluding sentence idea in a concluding
communities, but of a paragraph, sentence.
they begin to differ
when evidence is put
into play.”

“meaning” As per my last “means” Correcting this

writing project, I mistake makes the
included past tense paper better
when it should have structured and easier
been present tense. to read because it
flows better.

“in this field” I felt like being more “in the field of This change makes
concise and direct anatomy” the essay sound more
would sit better with formal and academic.
the reader rather than
leaving the reader
wondering: what
field?