Six Steps to Deeper Commitment

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss   •   January 24, 2005

True joy is not the result of having everything we want but of gratefully receiving exactly what God
has given us. If we are not content with what we have, we will never be content with what we think
we want.

Certainly there are times when I whimper and long for something God has not provided. But over
and over again, He brings me back to that wonderful place of trust and surrender where I say, “Lord,
if it pleases You, it pleases me.”

Do we truly believe that God is sovereign, that He is good, that He loves us, that He is committed to
our lives and that He can be trusted to fulfill His best purpose for us? Then let us trust Him with
holy, humble hearts, and love and serve others in pure, selfless ways.

Toward this end, I’ve considered several specific areas to focus on as a Christian single. Here are six
of them.

I AM COMMITTED TO …

1. Serving Christ With all My Time, Abilities and Energy

The season of singleness is not a time in limbo, waiting for the right partner to come along so we can
get on with our lives. Those years on our own provide a unique opportunity to be devoted to Christ
and His Kingdom in a way that married men and women simply do not have the freedom to pursue.

Rather than devoting their lives to furthering the Kingdom of Christ, Christian singles can easily get
caught in the trap of self-seeking and self-fulfillment. But, contrary to what the world tells us, the
greatest happiness is not to be found in getting our own needs met but in giving to meet the needs of
others. Tireless, reckless abandon to the will and work of God ought to characterize the Christian
who is single.

2. Relinquishing all My Expectations of Material, Physical and Emotional Security

All of us long for security and a certain level of creature comforts. Sometimes God is pleased to
provide far more than we actually need. But sometimes He allows us to do without–to experience
unfulfilled longings–so that we might come to recognize our need for Him.

As a single woman, I never want to become so settled and secure in a home, a job, a social group, or
a geographic location that I am not willing to move or change the instant God wants to give me a
different assignment. Count it a privilege to relinquish temporal security in order to follow Jesus and
to be eternally secure in Him.

3. Being Morally Pure

I have made only a few vows–sacred, binding commitments to God–in my life. There is no vow I
take more seriously than the vow to be morally pure.

Many years ago, I was sobered by the passage in Proverbs 7:26 that says, speaking of the woman
with an immoral heart, “Many strong men have been slain by her” (KJV). Think of it! Many strong
men are destroyed by women who are not morally pure. What incredible influence and responsibility
we have as Christian women.
In a world that no longer considers the marriage covenant sacred, and where adultery and divorce are
epidemic, as singles we have an obligation to do everything we can to strengthen others’ marriages
and to avoid anything that might weaken them.

I make a constant, conscious effort to invest in the wives and in the marriages of the men with whom
I serve. Furthermore, I have been led to establish boundaries in my working and social relationships
with married men that may seem extreme to some. Wise men and women will avoid any setting,
contact or behavior that could potentially make themselves or others vulnerable to the slightest moral
compromise.

4. Relating to Families
Whenever possible, I make time in my schedule to go to the ball games, piano recitals and other
special events of my friends’ children. I look for opportunities to jot a note of encouragement on
birthdays, anniversaries or special occasions. When I need to run an errand, I often will call a couple
to see if I can pick up something at the store for them, or to see if one of their children would like to
come along for the ride. I make an extra effort to keep up with the needs, burdens, concerns and joys
of the families that God has brought into my life.

As a result of years of conscious effort and investment, I have been blessed with “adopted” children,
brothers, sisters and parents in various places where I have lived and served. What a joy it has been
to encourage and nurture many of my friends’ children in their faith, and then to watch them grow
into mature men and women of God with families of their own.

5. Giving Extravagantly Rather Than Living Extravagantly

Many of us as singles have fewer financial obligations and, therefore, more discretionary income
than those who have dependent children. This fact ought to be reflected in our giving. It’s simple:
Those of us who have been blessed with more resources (money, time, possessions) ought to be
more generous in giving to meet the needs of others and in investing in the work of God’s Kingdom.
I don’t want to possess anything that I’m not willing to give away in obedience to Christ.

6. Pursuing an Intimate Relationship With God Above all Else

Marriage cannot be my pursuit; I must pursue God. If God has chosen me for a life of singleness,
then I will delight in His goodness and in His ability to meet all my needs, and I will seek to
cultivate a relationship with Him that will cause others to thirst for Him.

I will not spend my life pining away for something He has not chosen for me. I choose instead to be
His glad servant and to let Him take and use my life in whatever way will please Him most. For
whatever period of time I am single, by God’s grace, I want to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him
and to glorify Him in our world. I want to live each day in His presence, living for His pleasure and
looking for His soon return to take me to my eternal Home.