all i ever wanted was a penpal for a modern day heloise and abelard.

i have this, ecriture,

respondents, les belles lettres, and poetic memories to sustain me.

drowning personaldemocracyforum stream of andrew keen out with thom yorke.

keen is a master of saying nothing, and arianna's reign of punditure feels similarly obtuse.

of thom yorke lotus footage

i love how the bright light makes him look like such a luminous vision
his non-violent aura poetic enough without song.
and that is, the human.

for which wikileaks leaks.

the human face of war and torture.

http://personaldemocracy.com/pdfleaks
personal democracy forum live stream.

of om mani padme hum

lotus.

friday nyheter from SAS nyc:

had nice dungen press

i think its tremendously funny that it was a scandinavian airlines flight on which julian assange
had four laptops stolen, presumably by intelligence agents

jainism promotes nonviolence, an actual impossibility, as all life on earth requires destruction of
bacteria or insects or other levels of domination (war, meat-eating, fossil fuels)
jainism strives to minimize the impact of violence
jainism gives much strength to the thought of renunciation of life---a euthenasia of cachexic
rejection of all life
at least it would motivate one towards fruitarianism
for instance to lay under a tree and starve to death ----as an enlightened response to
destruction---
a fair leveling of false heirarchies which say one life form is of higher value than another
it is an ultimate breaking free . . .
but then buddhism, which i never understand---seems so much the more worldly
of zen's koans, or as an aesthetic sensibility
corporate minimalisms
or bauhaus communal utopianisms

i am not happy at all with male dominated dali lama historicity, or the dali lama's anti-
homosexuality.

and to proclaim "buddhism" implies a large degree in belief in language which i do not share.
but some level of buddhism, influences me. it seems soooo life embracing, despite the
perfection of non-attachment, compared to a jainist renunciation of everything.
to sit zazen and eat rice and chant.
the jain who lives, and then seeks to analyse the destruction of life, and reduce harm . . . .
well what i was worried about the last two years was the perfection of non-attachment.
the point at which healthy buddhist non-attachment becomes life-threatening levels of jainist
non-violent resistence to all life, all food, all war, all destruction, all ecological impact.
and then one would die, fully cognizant of the destruction existence requires.

and the moment of optimism, which holds concern for other humans, other life, animals, nature:
at that moment, one might go on, eat, sleep, move. as if it were volitional.

and then barry goldberg showed me an important lesson about accedia. the cessation of desire
is the moment preceding creative genesis.
so do not worry.
the extreme of malaise and disinterest, the existential horror, the emptiness, precedes creation.

and so if one wanted nothing, and then asked what do you want, whatever would you want, of
possible or impossible things?

i could say they already happened, hence my malaise. i never wanted anything, and it already
happened, every amount of joy or horror or adventure to make a complete life. every amount
of joy or ascendancy, transcendence.
the actual revelation that has not occurred entirely is how to go on, or why.
my mind is like a muscular hamster, that wants on a hamster wheel for a good run.
it wants to crunch data and create things. i do not know why, or presume that i should. and so
internet is what i want. and the moments of humanity are becoming so fleeting, as we hunker in
our digital bunkers in our digital sweatshops. its quite a mystery to me, how this makes us more
human or less.
more buddhist or less.

except that i imagine, that the internet were like a sandbox. and what actually might matter
are the moments in which humans speak to each other, and feel things. and that the cognitive
exercises of computation are fortification for the human connections, which if they become more
scarce, might become more mythologizable in their isolation.

thom yorke is working on a new album, he mentioned on radiohead.com.

it was funny in an interview he spoke of his own voice as so pretty, and that he didn't
necessarily want every thing to sound so pretty, when he sings of sinister things. i would never
mean to distort!

when i said "i love the present tense" to him, and he said "now you are really scaring me" it
was perhaps the most bizarre moment of my life. all of the many many hours of kidA on repeat
seemed to lead to this zen koan on the mountain, where to say "I" is such a presumption, the "i",
das ich, defiant of the transpersonal unity, defiant of otherness, and love, the aesthetics of love,
or the present tense actual, or the song version on repeat.
speaking to the original---in one tiny moment, some kind of deification of the human---and
renunciation.
and then how could it be that such a human as he, could be so valued, so precious to some of
us.
his voice the only that might saunter out truth's plank over the abyss.

and evoke desire, that we would desire music, as meaning, or a key to our frozen emotions.

"you and your cronies!

you forget so easy!"

the present tense will be on the next album, surely.

i no longer love the present tense, actual, the actual time that is now, presently speaking, nor
believe in it or words.
it is funny to remember this, and the song which reminds me, of courage. weapons of self-
defense---
This dance, this dance
Is like a weapon, like a weapon
Of self defense, of self defense
Against the present, against the present
"Present Tense"

I won't get heavy, don't get heavy

Keep it light and, keep it moving
I am doing, no harm

As my world comes crashing down

I am dancing, freaking out
Deaf, dumb, and blind

In you I'm lost, in you I'm lost

I won't turn round while the penny drops

I won't stop now, I won't slack off
Or all this love will be in vain, ooooh
Stop from falling down a mine
It's no ones business but mine
Or all this love will be in vain
Ooohhhh

In you I'm lost, in you I'm lost

(repeat)
i awoke from sleep with life on earth in my head
http://www.myspace.com/life-on-earth

from braingarbage