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Writing better lyrics touch
(notes on Pattison’s
book)
Alexander Massey BA
PGCE MA MSc
E: alexander at
 Posted on March 1, 2018 by alexander Posted in oxfordsongwriting
Books, Lyric writing — 2 Comments ↓
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This blog entry is a set of notes that I made on the book:

Pattison, Pat (2009) Writing better lyrics: the essential guide
to powerful songwriting, Writers Digest Books, Cincinnati. I
have mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, there search here …
is a wealth of great advice, based on solid experience, and
Go
despite the significant reservations I am about to voice, I
strongly encourage people to read this book because it is
packed with wisdom. On the other hand, I
emphatically disagree with a number of Pattison’s
arguments, notably: his claims about near rhymes (many of
which are not rhymes at all in my view, and do not fulfil the
basic function or sonic effect of a true rhyme); his definition
of prosody, which strikes me as a bizarre deviation from how
any academic or dictionary authority might use the term; his
attempts to present a theory of how rhyme, stress patterns,
line lengths and numbers of lines interact to create different
effects (in which he seems either vague, or wildly
inconsistent, subjective and unsystematic); and his
suggestion that co-writers should never discuss technique,
or critique each other’s work or ideas.
The notes I have made here are not a comprehensive

executive summary of the book. Rather, they record the
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ideas that I find useful, sound, and even inspiring. I have

also set out those ideas of Pattison’s that I find problematic; Topics
in square brackets I have outlined my objections. Also in
square brackets, I have included my own thoughts that Books
arose, and theories that I began to formulate, stimulated by Creativity &
reading Pattison’s book. In this regard, I am grateful to Craftsmanship
Pattison for getting me to think. Documentaries
Lyric writing
1. Object writing: the art of the diver Music Business
Music Theatre
3 “Much of lyric writing is technical. The stronger Music writing /
your skills are, the better you can express your Composing
creative ideas.” Song Analysis
[Writing is not the art of expressing what you already Songwriting
know or think. It is an act of finding out what you groups
think and feel, of how you see, hear, taste, touch and
experience yourself and the world.]
4 Use your five senses [and proprioception]
5 Write with 7 senses: sight, hearing, smeall, taste,
touch, organic, and kinaesthetic Keywords
5 Describing what I sense stimulates the audience’s
senses and associations AABA big idea
6 Ten minutes only, every morning to wake up the chord substitution chorus
writer for the day, and build muscle [compare Julia collaboration
Cameron ‘The Artist’s Way’] dictionary harmony interview
8 Free associate – go off topic. Let the sentences do
the driving
lyrics melody
music theatre pop publishing

8 Sense-bound language involves the reader/listener
[Object writing builds the skill of free association and rhetoric rhyme
developing clusters and constellations of linked royalties song ideas
images and vocabulary.] song placement
9 Listen to other people’s writing exercises song

10 Pick a real object to write about structure
[‘I feel/smell’ is ‘telling’, and therefore weak writing.] titles truth video
[Train yourself not to censor first thoughts.]
[Practise letting other people experience your
material.]
16 Destination writing – have a message in mind
17 Who is singing? Who are they singing to? Who
Recent
are they singing about?
Posts
17 “Never let reality get in the way of truth.”
Song
17 Airport game: imagine stories about people you
Assessment &
see
Feedback
18 “’Where’ can be anywhere.”
Exercise
(SAFE)
2. Rusty’s collar: a lesson in showing and telling
Songwriting
2 of 20 1/21/20, 3:29 PM
20 “You can’t tell unless you show first.” group etiquette,

21 “Colours drip down, not up.” In other words, show ground rules &
us something, and then comment on it. Example ethos
before idea, not idea/commentary before the Songwriting
example. group meeting
format
3. Making metaphors Writing better
lyrics (notes on
23 “… a metaphor is a collision between ideas that Pattison’s
don’t belong together. It jams them together and book)
leaves us to struggle with the consequences.” If You Want To
23 “Conflict is essential for metaphor.” Write (notes on
24 Expressed (asserts identity between 2 nouns), Ueland’s book)
qualifying (adjective to qualify noun, adverb to
qualify verb) and verbal (conflict between verb and
subject/object) metaphors [Andrea Stolpe calls these
‘collisions’.]
25 To generate a metaphor, a) Find an image/thing
b) name its characteristics c) find a second thing
with those characteristics.
26 Exercise: adjective and noun; adverb and
adjective; noun and verb
28 Verbs drive lyrics forward
28 Noun-noun can have 3 types of expressed
metaphor: summer is a Rolls-Royce; the Rolls-
Royce of summer; summer’s Rolls-Royce
29 Adjective + noun; noun + verb; verb + noun; noun
+ adjective; noun + noun
31 A metaphor transfers our focus to the second
term (i.e. the unexpected comparative term), so use
one comparison (one second term) and develop the
idea. A simile keeps us focussed on the first term
(i.e. the main, original object); it can be used in
passing, and several similes can be used to refer to
the one main object.
4. Learning to say no: building worksheets
33 To develop good material, ensure you increase

choices, so you can choose the best.
34 Objective correlatives: images that will
predictably evoke specific emotions in the receiver.
[Are there musical equivalents? Yes, probably.
Different musical styles, rhythms, melodic shapes
etc evoke predictable associations. We’re drawing
from common cultural pools.]
34 Roget’s Thesaurus clusters ideas around key
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words.
37 Perfect rhyme: the syllables’ vowel sounds are
the same, consonant sounds after the vowels (if
any) are the same, the sounds before the vowels are
different.
37-9 Explains three consonant families: plosives,
fricatives, nasals. Then argues [unconvincingly for
me!!] that “Family rhyme sounds so close that when
sung, the ear won’t know the difference.” [I have
good ears, and I do know the difference. Even
casual, untrained ears, hear the difference, even
though they may not consciously realise there is a
difference. And the untrained ear will prefer, I
believe, the true rhyme over the ‘family’ rhyme. Part
of the problem is that so many singers are sloppy
and sing the ends of words very lazily, often leaving
off final consonants completely, which is why
something can seem to be a rhyme when it definitely
isn’t.]
40 Subtractive rhyme [NO! Pattison’s rhyme types
are not rhymes, in my view. They are more like
Hammerstein’s ‘euphony’. ‘Assonance rhyme’
seems to be Pattison’s most common ‘rhyme’. It
works more if one can see as well as hear it, and
when there’s time to reflect. But it’s a weaker method
for a heard lyric.]
43 Additive rhyme: fun + lunch [add sounds after
the completed rhyme]
43 Consonance rhyme: fun + on
42 Most to least resolved rhyme [in Pattison’s world
…]: perfect, family, additive/subtractive, assonance,
consonance
44 [An example of Pattison’s ‘rhyme’] “Baby, baby
take my hand / Let me know you’d like to dance.”
[Ugh! The ‘surprise’ as Pattison calls it, is my
disappointment at a non-rhyme. I am dissatisfied
because the lyric fails to deliver sonically. I hear the
non-rhyme rhyme as a lack of conviction on whether
to rhyme or not rhyme, and I feel unsure whether the
two concepts are supposed to be connected or not.
Perfect rhymes connect concepts and complete
ideas; that is their function. Pattison’s versions of
rhyme, which are ubiquitous in modern lyric writing
unfortunately, are all about hedging one’s bets, and
not committing to anything. I have decided to call all
this ‘Pattison’s Rhyme Fallacy’. He says (p.46),
“Pretty neat, huh?’. I say, emphatically, no!]
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46 Use a rhyming dictionary

46 Create worksheets of possible rhymes when
generating lyrics.
5. Clichés: the sleeping puppy (case study)
47 clichés make us switch off

47 “Cliché phrases. Cliché rhymes. Cliché images.
Cliché metaphors. These viruses infect songs,
television, movies and commercials, not to mention
everyday conversations.”
48 “Songs should be universal, but don’t mistake
universal for generic. Sense-bound is universal.
When you stimulate your listener’s senses, they pick
pictures from their own personal sense files. When
you use generic language, they fall asleep.”
48 “Clichés are other people’s licks. They don’t come
from your emotions.” [Clichés are ‘off the peg’,
standard sizes, not tailored to your unique message
and mode of delivery.]
51 Pattison argues that “most cliché rhymes are
perfect rhymes” which is why he suggests avoiding
them [!]. He suggests that imperfect rhymes [which,
for me, aren’t rhymes at all …] satisfy because they
aren’t clichés. [Perhaps some listeners are too easily
satisfied, or just lazy, disaffected, desensitised,
resigned. Because so many lyrics have non-rhyme
rhymes these days, I suspect listeners have been
conditioned to accept this.]
53 You can use a cliché if you can shed new light on
it, give a fresh perspective.
54 “I don’t mean to sound revolutionary, but you
might also try a diet of good literature and poetry.
You are what you eat.”
6. Productive repetition
55 “In its simplest form, this is the basic rule of

songwriting.: Keep your listeners interested all the
way through your song. Get them with you from the
beginning with a strong opening line, then keep them
with you the rest of the way. Whether they stay or go
is up to you.”
57 Each verse must add ‘weight’ to the song.
57 The last verse often produces the ‘why’.
57 Develop an outline for the song [what I call
storyboarding your song – roadmap, plan of
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campaign, an architect’s plan based on a client’s

brief]
58 Development is crucial.
59 A chorus must be the same each time, so that
listeners can sing along.
59 Choruses and refrains gather weight when verses
develop properly. [Verses must pull their weight, and
contribute to the song. Don’t leave it to hooks or
choruses.]
62 A chorus lyric must be able to take on greater
meaning through the course of a song.
67 Give a new idea to each song section, so each
section makes a fresh contribution.
[Repetition should never feel like repetition – ie it
should never feel like we are going over the same
ground, unless we intend to give people a
groundhog day experience because that is part of
the purpose of the song.]
68 Try switching perspectives between verses. E.g.
you, I, we or past, present, future.
75 Leave out the chorus if the verses haven’t built
enough momentum.
75 The first verse you write may not be the first
verse of the song.
79 Find a smaller grammatical unit in your lyric to
create new lines. E.g. “Why do you laugh? Do you
laugh?”
7. Verse development and power positions
86 Each verse’s content can draw attention to

different aspects of the chorus that follows.
87 Power positions are usually the first or last line.
You can create more of these in a long verse using
rhyme schemes and beat schemes.
89 Power positions lead what listeners focus on.
91 “That’s the power of a perfectly developed song:
It changes our way of looking at our lives and our
surroundings.”
92 Surprises created by metre or rhyme or line
length create power positions. Put important content
in those places.
8. Travelogues: verse continuity
94 “Verse development should mean verse

relationship. Your verses should have a good reason
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to hang out together. When verses are in the same

lyric only because you’re taking a tour of the title,
you likely have a travelogue on your hands.”
[Exercise: Storyboard your verses: check your
chorus/refrain gains weight each time.]
[Exercise: Analyse a verse of a well-written song for
its rhyme and rhythmic structure.]
Exercise: Analyse your verse one for rhythm and
rhyme. Use the same scheme for later verses.]
9. Stripping your repetition for repainting
103 Chorus/refrain becomes more versatile if you

strip out: past, present, future; pronouns. It will then
accept whatever pronouns or tenses from the
preceding verse.
109 “Remember as a rule of thumb that verses
show, chorus tells.”
110 Exercise: re-write a non-neutral refrain/chorus
as a neutral one.
10. Perspectives
117 Writing in first person is very effective. But

beware ‘first person narrative’ that describes yourself
as though you are observing someone (yourself!).
1st person narrative ok if you are describing the
world around yourself, and what it is doing. [“Nobody
wants to talk to me …” is ok, but “I don’t talk to
anyone” is emotionally disconnected, and doesn’t
work.]
121 Third person narrative: the singer and the
audience are outside observers
121 Every element must serve a purpose: “Heinrik
Ibsen said, “If you put a gun in Act 1, it damn well
better go off by the end of the play!” This is more
than a principle about effective use of props. It says
that you should have a reason for each element in
your work. Nothing without its purpose.”
124-5 Direct address (you) is the most intimate, and
is more about feelings than facts. “As a listener: I
imagine the singer is singing to me, or, I watch the
singer singing directly to someone else, real or
imagined by the singer, or, I can imagine that the
singer is someone I know singing to me, or, I can
identify with the singer and sing to someone I know.”
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127 Experiment changing your lyric’s perspective

between 1) direct address 2) first person narrative 3)
third person narrative. Decide each time, which
works best.
11. Point of view: second person and the hangman
131 “The point is simple: make second person

conversational. If you want to give the audience a
history lesson, either put it in third person or find a
natural way to list your facts.”
131 “As a matter of habit, you should try out all three
points of view – first, second, and third person – for
each lyric you write from now until you die, just to
make sure you are using the best possible one for
each song.”
12. Point of view: second person as narrative
133 ‘You’ can be a substitute for ‘I’ in an internal

monologue of self-address.
137 Exercise: rewrite a well-known lyric from two
other perspectives
137 [Pattison has contradicted himself. The second
person narrative doesn’t work here, as he originally
cautioned!]
13. Dialogue and point of view
140 In a duet, both characters need to be able to

sing the chorus.
140 [Pattison’s example of direct address is actually
2nd person narrative, telling ‘you’ what ‘you’ already
knows. “I asked you ….” means that ‘you’ knows
already that I asked …]
142 “If the singer is the I in the story, you’ve got to
give him/her a good reason for telling it.” [i.e. Why is
the singer directly addressing/telling the audience?
Another way to think of this is that, even in a
monologue, the singer is addressing someone, often
a part of themselves.]
145 Dialogue works well in 3rd person narrative.
145 3rd person narrative allows singer to be either
gender [and chorus can be sung by either gender
even if said by a gendered character]
145 [Pattison’s counting of stresses in his example is
8 of 20 1/21/20, 3:29 PM
completely wrong.]
[Irregular line length or rhythm sets us up to want the
next section to resolve.]
[Avoiding a final rhyme keeps a more open feeling.]
14. Meter: something in common
150 Stresses of 4-3-4-3 = basic patterning = long

short long short. Can then spring a surprise by
changing one of these.
151 Reserve structural surprises for important ideas
152 Exercise: take a basic idea and express in
common meter variations: 4-3-4-3, 3-3 3-3
15. Spotlighting with common meter
153 [Pattison’s ‘rhymes’ are not rhymes at all. They

may seem so because contemporary singers often
don’t enunciate final consonants.]
153 “First, let your listeners expect something, then
surprise them with something different.”
154 [Numbers refer to number of stresses in a line,
letters refer to the rhyme scheme.] 4a-3b-4a-2b
155 4a-3b-4a-4a
156 4a-3b-4a-4a-4a
157 4a-3b-4a-4a-4a-4a; 4a-3b-4a-4a-4a-4a-3b: keep
rhyming the same line, delay the other line until the
very end, and use the same number of stresses
158 [x stands for any unrhymed line] Another form of
common meter is xaxa
160 “Learn to turn on spotlights. Then be sure to put
something interesting where they shine.”
[NB Common meter still has four beats per line,
though only 3 stresses in the 3nd and 4th line. The
4th beat is silent. In line 2, the reader mentally
breaks, in line 4, the reader provides the ‘full stop’.]
16. Meter: two by two
[Rhymes create a stop, and … line lengths of

stresses create expectation and resolution. These
two principles interact. I don’t agree with Pattison’s
description of the effect of these interactions, but he
has drawn attention to both the fact that these issues
– rhyme, and line length of stresses – exist, and that
they interact.]
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161 4a-4a-4b-4b completes at every second line.

[What makes something a couplet? The equal
number of stresses? Or the immediate rhyme
necessary for it to be a couplet, even if the stresses
are not equal?]
[Mary had a little lamb / and it was in a jam. / The
lamb had got into a stew; /what should Mary do?]
[Stresses dictate stability; rhymes can a) link words
or passages b) intensify a half- or full-closure, c)
create acceleration if rhymes are more frequent.]
163 4a-3b-4c-3b / 4d-4d
163 4a-4a-4a-3b / 4c-4c-4c-3b: “The odd fourth line
stands out because we expected a four-stress
rhymed couplet. Instead, we get a three-stress
unrhymed line, handing us an IOU that isn’t cashed
until line eight.”
[Patterns are where we perceive or create
relationships. Rhymes create relationships, at best,
unexpected ones. Stress patterns in successive
lines are sections are compared automatically (and
unconsciously) to find similarity and contrast,
imbalance and balance, forward momentum and
closure, tension and resolution, predictability and
surprise, stability and instability.]
17. Managing couplets
171 “Which rhyme scheme should you use? It

depends on what you’re saying. If the lyric’s emotion
deals with uncertainty or loss (unstable), keep it
looser. If its ideas are more factual or resolved
(stable), tighten it up. Make your structure reflect the
emotion of the lyric.” [Pattison goes on to say that
this is prosody. It isn’t! Prosody is about rhythm,
stress, even pitch inflection in speech. It is not about
the relationship between these features and the
intended meaning of the words.]
[Stresses are in the ear of the listener. We don’t all
interpret in the same way where stresses might be.]
176 “the power of the dance between structure and
ideas”
18. Prosody: structure as film score
179 “Aristotle said that every great work of art

contains the same feature: unity. Everything in the
work belongs – it all works to support every other
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element.”
[Pattison goes on to say that this is the same as
‘prosody’, which is nonsense. Prosody is nothing to
do with ‘unity’ or integrity of sound and meaning.
Pattison also describes prosody as “the appropriate
relationship between elements”. This is purely his
invention, and such a definition of prosody cannot be
found in any dictionary or online academic resource.]
[It’s more about the meaning a listener might derive
from voiced sounds and patterns.]
180 Stable v. unstable: “Looking at your sections
through the lens of stability or instability is a practical
tool for creating prosody [sic] because you’ll be able
to use it for every aspect of your song: the idea, the
melody, the rhythm, the chords, the lyric structure –
everything. It governs the choices you make. Ask
yourself: is the emotion in this section stable or
unstable? Once you answer that question, you have
a standard for making all other choices.”
180 “… motion always creates emotion, completely
independently of what is being said. Ideally, structure
should … – support what is being said –
strengthening the message, making it more
powerful.”
180 Five elements of lyric structure: number of lines,
length of lines [number of stresses, or number of
beats, which could include silent ones?] and their
arrangement, rhythm of lines, rhyme scheme, rhyme
type. [Five elements of lyric structure interact with
the larger structure of the song (verse, chorus,
bridge etc.) and the substantive content.]
[I agree, but Pattison’s claims about these are woolly
thinking.]
[Final consonants, or not having one, make a
difference to feeling of the degree of closure.]
180 An odd number of lines is less stable than an
even number.
184 Musical stress should match key word stress
185 Pattison claims that lines 4 and 5 have rhythmic
variations that make little impact. [I disagree. They
make major impact!]
[Rhymes complete. Rhymes connect.]
186 Degree of resolution in rhymes: perfect, family,
additive/subtractive, assonance, consonance.
187 “There are no rules, only tools.”
187 4a-4b-4c-4b 4d-5d-4d-3b
188 “Structure is your film score. Learn how to use it.
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Learn the effects that various structures can create,

and se them to support your own ideas. Sometimes,
you can even use them to create emotions
underneath what you are saying.” [Structure can
magnify words’ intent or provide an emotional
counterpoint.]
19. Understanding motion
[This chapter is useful for its presentation of many

different possible structures, and how they might
feel. However, throughout this chapter, Pattison
makes claims about the effect these examples have,
and whether they are more or less stable. But he
has no clear, objective, systematic set of principles
by which ot justify his claims. He seems to miss the
point of primary and secondary stresses or time
signatures; he has no coherent hierarchy of rules of
how rhyme or non-rhyme interacts with such stress
patterns, or symmetry, balance, stability etc. See
Jack Perricone’s book on melody for a careful study
of such concepts.]
191 To notate structure: large letter denotes lines of
same length and rhyme, so 4a-3b-4a-3b becomes
ABAB
192 [PP doesn’t define rhythm. Rhythm is the
arrangement of stresses of different weight; it may
be a regular pattern, giving a sense of evenness and
predictability, or irregular. Irregular rhythm may turn
out to be part of a larger regular pattern.]
193 [PP’s line length appears to be about the
number of beats in a bar. Rhythm and line length
combine to define the time signature.]
193 “by the end of the first line, you know a … piece
of structural information: line length.” [This is not
true. There could be varying line lengths, and
musically, the time signature, and therefore line
lengths, could very throughout.]
193 “The earliest I can hear rhyme structure, and the
motion caused by it, is at the end of the second line.”
[This is not true. An internal rhyme could happen
before the end of the first line.]
194 Line length and rhyme are independent
elements that can interact.
194 PP claims that the number of lines is “one of the
last determinants of motion.” [I disagree. Line length
and numbers of lines combine to be the most
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important determinant of motion.]

[Non-rhyme is more ustable or open than perfect
rhyme. Rhyme closes and stabilises.]
197 “Longer followed by shorter is less stable than
shorter followed by longer.”
[Structure can underline or undermine content or
intent.]
199 Avoiding rhyme keeps listener in limbo.
200 Finish a section in an unstable way, in order to
move us forward into the next section.
200 Rhyme something from one section into
somewhere in the next.
200 Exercise: “Make up your own title, and, using it
as the first line of an oncoming chorus, write an AAB
structure leading up to it, with the third line targeting
a vowel sound in the title. Try not to target the end
rhyme. Instead, give the words inside the title a
sonic boost. Then rewrite the third line (B line) to
target a different vowel sound in the title.”
200 ‘Target’ a vowel in the Title opening a Chorus by
setting the vowel up in the Verse.
201 Different results from targeting internal or end
rhymes.
202 [Pattison’s conclusions are spurious. ‘Like’
stands out in the chorus not because it happens to
have the same vowel as ‘bite’ in the verse two lines
previously, but because there is a dramatically new
stress pattern in the chorus that emphasises ‘like’.
204 “When the protagonist says something using
this structure [stable, common meter], he/she’s
telling the truth. It’s a stable fact.”
204 In ABAB common meter, the line 3 rhyme
pushes forward.
207 Exercise: “Make up your own title, and, using it
as the first line of an oncoming chorus, write an
ABAA structure leading up to it, with the second line
targeting a vowel sound in the title. Try not to target
the end rhyme. Instead, give the words inside the
title a sonic boost. Then rewrite the end sound in
your second line to target a different vowel sound in
the title.”
209 Adjust exercise on 207: Use the last syllable in
line 3 to target the vowel in Title and Chorus.
209 [It’s not line line length, but a primary stress
ending that brings resolution in Pattison’s example.]
210 4a-4b-4b-4a = ABBA = ‘In Memoriam’ form,
from Tennyson.
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210 ABBAA
211 AAAX highlights the X, which would be the Title
[or Refrain]
212 Structures can be complete in themselves, but
look for interesting extensions. “Each structure is
what it is, but always keep an eye out for what else it
could become – for what could come next.”
[Rhyme feels a lot like punctuation – all lyrics need
some, not least, because lyrics are a sonic art
form.h]
[Experiment having a stable structure ending with a
stable idea, or an unstable structure ending with a
stable idea.]
[Closure feels stronger when final syllables are on a
downbeat.]
[A rhyme underlines a rhythmic closure if the latter
is present.]
[A fourth, even line closes the pattern, whether it has
5, 4 or 3 stresses.]
[A missing beat, e.g. a missing final beat, makes us
fill it in – as a breath taking us forward, or as a full
stop. Rhyme makes us refer back to its set-up word.]
224 Pattison says that the final line in his example
(‘Nothing left to do but go’) feels unstable, but
doesn’t explain why. [In my view, it is because the
final stressed vowel rhymes, but there is no final
consonant, unlike ‘road’, the word it is supposed to
rhyme.]
224-5 [Pattison’s claims about whether lines feel
stable / unstable, complete, or pushing forward,
seem very subjective, and he seems to have no
objective criteria on which he bases his claims.]
225 ABABAA [satisfying pattern], as are ABACC,
and AABAAB (onp.226), and ABABBA (p.227)
20. Form follows function: building the perfect beast
[Compare this with Sondheim’s principle of “Content

dictates form”. Perhaps there is truth in both: content
and/or function (of content) can dictate form.]
229 Form is dictated by function. Distinct functions
lead to contrasted forms.
230 [Wrong use of the word ‘prosody’ again.]
230 “The closer the rhymes are to each other, the
faster the structure moves.”
232 The Verse and a Chorus should not have the
same form. “When you move from a verse to another
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function – for example, to a chorus function

(commentary, summary) – the form should change:
the rhyme scheme, prhase lengths, number of
phrases, or rhythms of phrases. Maybe all four.
‘Form follows function’ is the real rationale behind
what often look like silly rules: All verses should
have the same rhyme scheme! Change the Rhyme
scheme when you get to the chorus.”
234 “When you want two sections to contrast, the
opening phrase of the new section must make a
difference immediately.”
21. The great balancing act: courting danger on the

high wire
[What is PP’s distinction between a phrase and a

line? E.g. p.180, p.192. In this chapter, he suddenly
starts using the word ‘phrase’ to talk about what he
seemed to refer to as ‘lines’ earlier in the book. For
PP, is a phrase a unit of meaning?]
240 “How do we use balancing and unbalancing?
Stated simply, unbalanced sections make you want
to move and find a stable spot. Balanced sections
stop motion; they pause for a rest. Balancing and
unbalancing a lyric in the right places gives you at
least four audience-grabbing strategies: 1)
spotlightin important ideas; 2) pushing one section
forward into another section; 3) contrasting one
section with another one; and 4) setting up a need
for a balancing section or phrase.”
241 [In the Janis Ian and Kye Fleming example,
there is some neat structural play, but a lot of that PP
would call ‘rhymes’ aren’t, and simply sound ‘off-
colour’ to me.]
243 An odd number of rhymes, e.g. abbb, as distinct
from xaxa unbalances the structure.
244 “If the rhyme scheme in the verses were stable,
the arrival at a stable section in the chorus wouldn’t
have the same power.”
245 An uneven number of lines in one section
pushes us forward into the next.
246 [In PP’s example of a 3 line structure, in my
view, it’s really 4 lines, and therefore more stable
than he claims, because in the music there is a gap
after line 2, so line 3 in the lyric is line four in the full
sonic structure.]
246 “Another way to unbalance a section is to add a
15 of 20 1/21/20, 3:29 PM
phrase.” [line?]
247-8 Pattison claims that a 3 line verse and 4 line
chorus, making 7 lines in all (therefore uneven and
unstable, is stabilised by being followed by a 4 line
bridge, a section with an even number of lines. [This
seems a strange claim. I feel it as an 11 line
structure, uneven, and therefore unstable. Perhaps a
listener’s perception of stability or instability is
influenced by their capacity to perceive larger or
smaller structures.]
249 Pattison suggests that two sections that add up
to an uneven number of lines (eg. odd and even)
means the second, even, section can have a
spotlighted extra line to finish the song. [This seems
to support my comment about p.248, and
undermine’s Pattison’s own claim on that page.]
22. Song forms: (im)potent packages I
[V = verse; C = chorus]
250 VVC-VVC means that the Verse experience is

repeated too often to be interesting. 1) Drop a Verse
and distil the content. 2) Make the 4th Verse into a
Bridge. 3) Make 1 & 2, and 3 & 4 into single Verses,
varying line lengths and rhythms to sustain
movement and unity.
23. Song forms: (im)potent packages II
257 VC VC VC. 1) Add a Bridge before V3. 2)

Substitute V3 with a Bridge. 3) Condense into AABA
[Chorus may disappear and be condensed into a
one-line refrain to finish each A, A being the original
Verse.]
261 “An AABA song form is effective because it
creates a strong sense of resolution when it moves
back to the third verse. The first two verses define
‘home base’, then the bridge takes you away from
home – away from the familiar structure. When you
come back to the third verse, you come back home
to a familiar territory. It’s a real homecoming, seeing
the old neighbourhood again after a long trip. The
tension created by moving away has been resolved.”
[Complement this description with Jason Robert
Brown’s.]
16 of 20 1/21/20, 3:29 PM
24. Process
264 “Rhyming a secondary stress with a primary

stress sounds awkward.” [E.g. I want to go to sea / I
want to go daily.]
264 Using, for example ‘plea’ is unnatural, unless
the song is about going to court. Don’t use a word
just because it rhymes. [It must fit in terms of
meaning, tone of language etc.]
268 A ‘trigger line’ “releases its meaning into the
chorus; whatever the trigger line says will determine
how we see the chorus.”
269 “It’s important to work on your trigger lines. They
are power positions, but more important, they are
the last thing you hear before you enter your chorus.
Always take time to check them, the earlier the
better.”
270 “I can’t just assume that my mental picture is
everybody’s mental picture. I’ve got to make it
everybody’s mental picture.”
275 Bridge must have a unique structure.
275 “Check every lyric you write from all points of
view.” Re-write from different pronouns (1st, 2nd and
3rd person), and then past, present, future. Change
tense in some sections.
283 Change the rhyme scheme for subsequent
verses [also line length?]
288 “developing alternatives is what makes the
decisions based on taste possible.”
25. Co-writing: the ‘no’-free zone
290 Stan Webb (his first co-writer): “I’m gonna say

some of the dumbest things you’ve ever heard….
And if you do your job right today, you’re gonna say
some of the dumbest things I ever heard… But, as
long as that door is closed, nobody needs to know
how dumb we are. I won’t tell if you won’t.” [Excellent
idea, though in Ch.24, PP talks about how useful it is
for co-writers to critique each other’s work.]
290 Stan Webb: “Say everything that comes into
your head. Say it out loud, no matter how dumb it is.
Don’t censor anything. If you say something really
dumb, you might give me an idea that’s not quite as
dumb. And then I might have a decent one that gives
you a better one that gives me a great one. If you’d
17 of 20 1/21/20, 3:29 PM
never said the dumb one, we would never get to the

great one. So that means that we’ll never say ‘no’ to
each other. A co-writing room is a ‘-n’-free zone. If
you suggest a line and I don’t like it, I just won’t say
anything. Silence is a request for more, more, more.
It says, ‘just keep throwing stuff out there’. When
either one of us likes something, we’ll say ‘yes’.
Otherwise, just keep going.” [I like this a lot. And … I
also know how useful it can be to discuss why
something gets a ‘no’; if we can work out why
something doesn’t work, it can help us work out what
the problem is and how to fix it. That gives us better
substantive content, at the same time as training us
to be reflective practitioners honing our craft
knowledge.]
291 “Never talk about writing in a co-writing room,
especially about technique. Telling what you know
about writing isn’t writing. You’re supposed to be
writing, not talking about it. Stay inside the song,
inside the characters. Don’t run away to the
intellectual level.” [As I say, I get PP’s valuable point
here, and I want there to be room for learning craft
from and with each other. That is how I have
proceeded as a performer working with other
performers; it is central to the work.]
291 “Don’t be afraid to write crap – it makes the best
fertiliser. The more of it you write, the better your
chances are of growing something wonderful.”
‹ If You Want To Write (notes on Ueland’s book)
Songwriting group meeting format ›
2 comments on “Writing better lyrics (notes on

Pattison’s book)”
18 of 20 1/21/20, 3:29 PM
Ian Tuton says:

September 3, 2018 at 11:03 am
Thanks for an alternative/antidote to the Pat Pattison

book.I’ve read that and with your comments and Rikky
Rooksby’s book on lyrics-more for ideas for lyrics when
your having writers block, feel better
enabled to write lyrics. Do you have a twitter link so I can
supply your thoughts to a wider audience ?
Reply
alexander says:
September 12, 2018 at 4:47 pm
Thanks for the comment. I don’t use Twitter, but

thanks for the offer!
Reply
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19 of 20 1/21/20, 3:29 PM
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Home › Books › Writing better lyrics (notes on Pattison’s book)

This blog entry is a set of notes that I made on the book:

The notes I have made here are not a comprehensive

ideas that I find useful, sound, and even inspiring. I have

music theatre pop publishing

images and vocabulary.] song placement

9 Listen to other people’s writing exercises song

20 “You can’t tell unless you show first.” group etiquette,

4. Learning to say no: building worksheets

33 To develop good material, ensure you increase

46 Use a rhyming dictionary

5. Clichés: the sleeping puppy (case study)

47 clichés make us switch off

55 “In its simplest form, this is the basic rule of

campaign, an architect’s plan based on a client’s

7. Verse development and power positions

86 Each verse’s content can draw attention to

8. Travelogues: verse continuity

94 “Verse development should mean verse

to hang out together. When verses are in the same

9. Stripping your repetition for repainting

103 Chorus/refrain becomes more versatile if you

117 Writing in first person is very effective. But

127 Experiment changing your lyric’s perspective

11. Point of view: second person and the hangman

131 “The point is simple: make second person

12. Point of view: second person as narrative

133 ‘You’ can be a substitute for ‘I’ in an internal

13. Dialogue and point of view

140 In a duet, both characters need to be able to

14. Meter: something in common

150 Stresses of 4-3-4-3 = basic patterning = long

15. Spotlighting with common meter

153 [Pattison’s ‘rhymes’ are not rhymes at all. They

16. Meter: two by two

[Rhymes create a stop, and … line lengths of

161 4a-4a-4b-4b completes at every second line.

17. Managing couplets

171 “Which rhyme scheme should you use? It

18. Prosody: structure as film score

179 “Aristotle said that every great work of art

Learn the effects that various structures can create,

19. Understanding motion

[This chapter is useful for its presentation of many

important determinant of motion.]

20. Form follows function: building the perfect beast

[Compare this with Sondheim’s principle of “Content

function – for example, to a chorus function

21. The great balancing act: courting danger on the

[What is PP’s distinction between a phrase and a

22. Song forms: (im)potent packages I

250 VVC-VVC means that the Verse experience is

23. Song forms: (im)potent packages II

257 VC VC VC. 1) Add a Bridge before V3. 2)

264 “Rhyming a secondary stress with a primary

25. Co-writing: the ‘no’-free zone

290 Stan Webb (his first co-writer): “I’m gonna say

never said the dumb one, we would never get to the

‹ If You Want To Write (notes on Ueland’s book)

Songwriting group meeting format ›

2 comments on “Writing better lyrics (notes on