University of Languages and International Studies, Vietnam National University

Faculty of English Language Teacher Education

Written BY members of Fast-track Community

Commented BY Teachers of Fast-track Community

Collected and edited BY seniors of Fast-track Community

Designed for all those interested

We proudly present the first volume of E-essays

Genre: Process writing

Titles:

1. Human Sleep Cycle

2. The path to become a good person

Any questions, concerns or contribution, please reach Ms. Vu Thi Kim Chi (071E1) at
vukimchi2910@gmail.com.

Hope this helps ^^ Enjoy!

 TOPIC 1: THE PATH TO BECOME A GOOD PERSON

Becoming a good person is undoubtedly the utmost hope of every parent towards
their child. However, the road to achieve the goal appears painstaking and time-
consuming enough to dishearten everyone (1). Yet, if the parents are able to make it, the
outcome will deserve their entire uphill struggle. Here are the three steps that the parents
follow in order for a child to become a good person afterwards.

First and foremost comes the period (2) when the child is from babyhood to 6
years old. This is when the child is supposed to develop their mental and physical
features. During this period, parents should focus mostly on promoting the child’s
mentality, emotion, and cognition. The purpose of doing all of these is to orient the child
towards the fundamental things in its life.

The next step (2) to consider is from year 6 to year 12. In this stage, the attention
should be drawn towards basic education, including elementary knowledge about science
subjects and nature. What is more, physical education can be applied at this stage to
ensure that the child is growing up fit and strong. The foremost thing the parents should
bear in mind is that they should try their best to keep the children’s innocent eyes. In other
words, children are not supposed to develop too fast and rashly to become so-called
“wise” adults in the young forms.

The last stage (2) in the course of helping children be good people is from year 13
to 18. This step should observe the greatest change in the children attitudes towards
everything; more precisely, from the childish attitudes to nearly adult views. Thus, the
parents had best attend to their sons and daughters’ emotional world to detect any minor
change; hence, prompt guidance. Moreover, physical education and upper education are
still of vital importance since they help prepare the children when they enter adulthood.

The fact that a child becomes a good person inevitably does not assist only his
family but also the society. Moreover, behind every good citizen that comes to the world is
the hard work of the parents. Therefore, understanding the steps that our parents have
undergone to make us what we are now, we have come to realize and admire them even
more. (378 words)
 EDITORIAL CORNER

General comments: This essay presents three steps in becoming

a good person in a clear format with very good transitions
between paragraphs. It also employs a good range of English
expressions which represent a high command of English
language of the writer. The essay shows the writer’s fair
knowledge in the matter he/she is talking about.

However, the problems lie in the following points:

(1) Who is everyone here? Vague and general words such as

“everyone” should be avoided in an essay to clarify its
target readers.
(2) There might be a misunderstanding of the concepts
“steps, stages and periods” here. The writer focuses on
what parents should do in each stage of their child’s
development. Therefore, the topic sentence for each
paragraph should not be “The first step…”, “The next
step…”. Also, the title of the essay should be changed
into “The path to make a child a good citizen”.
 TOPIC 2: HUMAN SLEEP CYCLE

Why do we sometimes feel groggy when woken up? Or at which time do we have dream
when we sleep? To answer those questions, we should know more about human sleep cycle
which consists of five phases. These stages progress in a cycle from stage one to stage five,
then the cycle starts over again from the first stage. A complete sleep cycle takes 90 to 110
minutes on average.

When we first fall asleep, we experience stage one - drowsiness. This light sleep stage
often lasts five or ten minutes. During this stage we drift in and out of sleep; and we can be
awakened easily. Our eye movements and body movements slow down. Many of us also
experience sudden muscle contractions preceded by a sensation of starting to fall. These
sudden movements are similar to the "jump" we make when startled.

Then we enter the second stage, also light sleep stage. This is when our eye movements
stop, brain waves slow down, and body temperature decreases. At this phase, we began to be
unaware of the surroundings. This second stage occupies 45–55% of the total sleep cycle.

Stage three is the first phase of deep sleep. Our brain waves are a combination of
extremely slow waves, known as delta waves, and smaller, faster waves. During stage three, it
is hard to wake someone up. If we are woken up during this phase, we may feel disoriented and
groggy for several minutes. The third stage functions primarily as a transition into stage four.
Overall, it occupies 3–8% of our total sleep time before we get into the forth stage.

By stage four, the main deep sleep phase which accounts for 10–15% of the total sleep
time, our brains almost entirely produce delta waves (mentioned above as extremely slow
waves). Our eyes hardly ever move and our muscles hardly act at this stage. It is also very
difficult to wake someone up during this phase. If we are awakened during deep sleep, we
cannot adjust immediately and often feel unsteady and hysterical for several minutes after we
wake up. Besides, children may experience bedwetting, night terrors, or sleepwalking during
deep sleep. Both stage three and four of deep sleep are important for our physical and mental
refreshment. If they are too short, we cannot enjoy ourselves the next morning.

The fifth and also the last stage is called REM (rapid eye movement) sleep in which
dreaming occurs. The first REM sleep period usually occurs about 70 to 90 minutes after we fall
asleep. Once we get into REM sleep, our breathing becomes fast, irregular and shallow. In this
phase, our eyes move rapidly in various directions, muscles become immobile; and heart rate
and blood pressure increase. When we are awaked during REM sleep, we often describe
peculiar and illogical dreams. In the first sleep cycle, REM sleep is often short. Toward morning,
the time spent in REM sleep increases and the deep sleep stages decrease.

Overall, our sleep cycle includes five stages, stage one and two: light sleep, stage three
and four: deep sleep and stage five: REM or dreaming sleep. Each stage of sleep offers benefits
to the sleepers. However, deep sleep is perhaps the most vital stage, as it renews our nerve
energy. If we do not get adequate deep sleep, we experience the strongest effects of sleep
deprivation. (564 words)
 EDITORIAL CORNER

General comments: This process essay does a very good job in

presenting the process in a very orderly manner with a clear
name for each stage. This helps readers follow the process more
easily. Besides, it shows the writer’s thorough research into the
subject matter, thus exhibits a high level of reliability. One
noticeable feature in the use of language in this essay is the
presence of a great many technical terms. These words and
phrases might reveal the writer’s wide knowledge, but they can
also accuse the writer of plagiarism if not used properly. It is
recommended that the writer adopt these terms more
selectively and make an effort in using simpler and, most
importantly, his/her own words, to describe the process.

Note 1: Pay attention to grammatical mistakes in the underlined

words and phrases.

Note 2: Try to shorten the essay so that it is possible to be written

in the allotted time of a writing test (30-40 minutes).