Dr. Dhally M.

Menda

Adolescent
Owner’s
Manual

Don’t Ask Me, but

Consult my Manual
 Introduction

Adolescent Owner’s
Manual
Don’t Ask Me, but Consult my Manual

I Dent
Do you?

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Adolescent Owner’s Manual

Intentionally left blank

ii
 Introduction

Dr. Dhally M. Menda

Adolescent Owner’s
Manual
Don’t Ask Me, but Consult my Manual

The Menda Publications

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

Adolescent Owner’s Manual

Don’t Ask Me, but Consult my Manual

By Dr. Dhally M. Menda

Copyright © 2015

1st Print December 2015

ISBN 978-9982-9992-1-2

All rights reserved. Do not reproduce or transmit any

part of this book in any form or by any means now
known or to be invented, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording or by any information
storage or retrieval system without the written
permission of the author.

Publisher:
Dr. Dhally M. Menda

Printed in Zambia by:

Litovia Limited
+260 977 452 739
Cover Design: Dhally M. Menda
Cover Picture: David K. Menda
In Text Pictures: Google - Diagrams: Dhally M. Menda

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 Introduction

To the Misunderstood
Adolescents
living on Planet Earth

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Adolescent Owner’s Manual

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 Introduction

Contents

The Author ix

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction xiii

I. Know your Adolescent 1

Introduction 3

1: Parts Identification 7

2: Hormones at Work 21

3: Immature CEO 29

II. Keep Cool 49

4: The Thermometer Effect 51

5: The Family 57

6: The School 85

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

7: The Peer 89

8: The Community 95

9: The Media 103

III. Ado’s Troubles 121

10: Sexual Risk Taking 123

11: Psychoactive Substance Use 127

12: Illegal Behaviour 131

13: Risky Driving 133

III. Ado Troubleshooting 135

14: Ado Having Sex? 137

15: Ado using Psychoactive Substances 151

Other Books by Dr Dhally Menda 161

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 Introduction

The Author

Dr. Dhally M. Menda

Dhally M. Menda, the Doctor:

Holder of a Degree in Medicine
and a Master Degree in Public
Health (MPH), South Africa,
with 25 years’ experience;

Dhally Menda, the Manager:

Holder of a Master Degree in
Business Administration (MBA) - South Africa, a
Diploma in Management and Administration - UK, a
Diploma in Health Systems Management - Israel, and
more than thirty certificates in the field of Medicine,
Management and Information Technology;

Dhally Menda, the Lecturer: Honorary Senior Lecturer

at the University of Lusaka, Zambia, in the Department
of Public Health;

Dhally Menda, the Preacher: Minister of the Gospel of

Christ for the past twenty years;

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

Dhally Menda, the Philanthropist: Founder

Chairperson of the Rural Children’s Hope “RCH” –
www.hoperch.org, For Purpose NGO dedicated to
putting a smile on the face of rural children through
education, water provision and health care;

Dhally Menda, the Motivational Speaker: Works

closely with adolescents and youth in the field of
behaviour formation and behaviour change.
Motivational speaker in the areas of Men and Women’s
Health, Marriage Building, Team Building, and
Organizational Stress and Anger Management.

Dhally Menda, the Writer: Author of “The Pencil in

You - 2009”,“TAP Analysis - 2012” and “PENCIL
Goals – 2015”.

Dhally Menda, the Husband and Father: Married to

Christine Mwasiti Menda, with two children;

Dhally Menda, the Polyglot: Speaks fluent English and

French;

He is also member of several national and international

Professional Societies.

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 Introduction

Acknowledgments
For more than a decade, this book has been siting on
my mind’s canvas, waiting for a go ahead from my
Master, the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank him for the
inspiration, time and good health, as I wrote the pages
of this book.

Christine Mwasiti Menda, my suitable helper. The way

you have been ‘reading’ our adolescent and youth
children has inspired me in the write up of this book.
You did endure alone the long hours, as I sat in my
home office and wrote… God bless you.

David and Rebecca Menda. I used you, once more, to

test my ideas and the formatting of the book. You made
this book look ‘cool’!

I remember my youth days and how my late parents,

Modeste Kazadi Tshakatumba and Marie Mutoba
Kambemba, managed to take me to the desired
destination. The cool atmosphere you created in my life
has made me to be what I am today. May you rest in
God’s Eternal Peace, as I continue to run with the baton
you gave me, to pass it to the next generation.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

My University of Lusaka students (The Cartel), the

beneficiaries of my foundation (Rural Children’s Hope),
the Chibolya and Kanyama adolescents who attended
by Motivational Interviewing for Risk Reduction in
Adolescents – MIRRA- workshop in Kafue, and all the
adolescents and young people of this world, you directly
or indirectly contributed to the pages of this book.
Thank you.

Lastly, I thank the authors and scientists involved in

the adolescents’ studies, for the very rich materials that
I have used in this book. I acknowledge your works, and
without your dedication in trying to understand how
adolescents function and operate, I could have not
managed to write this book.

Be Inspired & Dent

Dr. Dhally M. Menda,

MD, DHSM, MPH, MBA, PhD(c)

xii
 Introduction

Introduction
I do not read appliances’ Owner’s Manuals.
When I buy a watch, a phone, a kitchen appliance, I do
not take time to read the small booklet that the
manufacturer puts in the box. After opening the box, I
just put it aside and start the try and error process,
until the gadget starts functioning!

This attitude has resulted in damaged valuable

appliances and loss of thousands of dollars. Fortunately,
for each one of my blunders, I was able to replace the
damaged appliance! But adolescents’ lives cannot be
replaced. Once damaged, it is damaged for good!

This book, which took me decades to finalize, is for

those parents and adolescents who are not taking time
to understand the adolescents and to know who they
are and how they operate.
The 25 years of clinical and public health medical
practice, endless reading on adolescents and youth, and
my 20 years of pastoral work give me the authority to
write this Adolescent Owner’s Manual for both parents
and adolescents. This is my advice: “Read it before
‘utilizing’ the adolescent”. The try and error is not
beneficial, neither to the parents, nor to the
adolescents; but the time taken in reading this book will

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

help both the parents and adolescents, and allow the

adolescents live a full life, and leave a great mark in the
universe, by positively denting it!

As depicted on the cover of this book, the future of the

adolescents is bright and is in their own hands. As
people living with adolescents or as adolescents,
everyone has the mandate to assist them move from the
darkness of ignorance and emotion based behaviours to
an illuminated and bright future, as the adolescent’s
body, spirit and soul evolve in a responsible manner, in
a protective and safe environment.

Dr. Dhally M. Menda,

xiv
 Know your Adolescent

I
Know
Your
Adolescent
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Adolescent Owner’s Manual

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 Know your Adolescent

“Sorry honey, I have just

destroyed your rice cooker!” These
are the words I spoke, just few
hours after my wife’s return from
the USA, where she bought for
herself and very expensive and
beautiful rice cooker. When
unpacking her luggage, she
showed me the rice cooker she
had bought for her kitchen and
asked me to install it in the
kitchen. With excitement, I removed the rice cooker from its
box and the plastics which were covering it, and placed it
nicely on the placard, near the extension cable. I later on
picked the sockets’ box, connected the cable to the cooker and
plagued it into the power socket. While still in the kitchen, I
heard the sound of a spark, coming from the rice cooker. I
looked, and saw smoke coming form the lower part of the rice
cooker. When I called my wife to inform her about my
mishap, she responded with “did you connect the adaptor?”
That was the moment I realized that I had made a blander!
The rice cooker was made to function with the American 110
volts, hence the presence of the adaptor for the Zambian 220
volts! I then remembered that I did not read the rice cooker
owner manual, which was still in its plastic, in the rice
cooker’s box. I felt guilty and apologized several times to my
wife.

It is easy to replace or fix a rice cooker, but not an

adolescent! The manufacturer of the rice cooker, who knows
the cooker better than then anyone else, so it worthy to put
an owner’s manual in the box, to help the buyers know the
product and utilize it efficiently and correctly. Unfortunately,
I did not read the manual.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

I am not alone…so many of use do not read the owner’s

manual, every time we buy a new product. We will rather
manipulate and try to make it work through try and error,
until it works or brakes.

Why not read the owner’s manual?

Why should the makers of electronics continue to print and

add to their products manuals, which are not being used by
the consumers? This is a very difficult question to answer.
There are times we get frustrated and look at the damaged
appliance, with the intention to ask it: “why didn’t you tell
me?” If it could talk, the appliance was going to answer: “why
didn’t you read the user’s manual?” I was not going to
damage the rice cooker if I had taken few minutes of my time
to read the owner’s manual, understand how the cooker was
made, understand how it functions, understand how I should
take care of it, and what to do when it develops a problem.

In this world, adults and parents wonder each and everyday

why adolescents behave the way they do. Even the people
who welcomed them in this world are pointing at them and
are asking them: “why do you do such things?”; “can’t you see
the risks?”, “Think before acting!”

Everybody is blaming the adolescents and youth about their

behaviour; but to them, their behaviour is totally normal. In
return, adolescents are wondering why the grown up people
keep on blaming them for the ‘normal’ things that they do.
This misunderstanding between adolescents and parents
clearly show that the parents have not taken time to read
the ‘Adolescent owner’s manual’. If only parents could
understand the way the adolescents function and how to
troubleshoot them, we were not going to have so many

4
 Know your Adolescent

conflicts and delinquents on our planet. If only the

adolescents could read their owner’s manual, we were not
going to have so many lost lives, because of the risky
behaviours in which young people are involved in!

In this book, my aim is to let you know that adolescents’ are

not to blame for their risky behaviours. The problem is not
with the adolescents alone. Scientists have demonstrated
over the decades that risk-taking behaviours among
adolescents and youth result from three main sources: (1) the
adolescent’s biology; (2) the adolescent’s psychology; and (3)
the adolescent’s society and environment. Do not waste your
time trying to make an adolescent ‘work’, but pick up their
owner’s Manual and understand how their operate!

Read all instructions carefully before the

‘first use’ of the Adolescent

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Adolescent Owner’s Manual

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6
 Parts Identification

1
Parts Identification

cd
“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify
you completely, and may your whole spirit
and soul and body be kept blameless at the
coming of our Lord Jesus Christ”
I Thess. 5:23
ba
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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

THE ADOLESCENT’S JOURNEY

Over the years, the adolescent’s identity
evolves, in unison with the sexual
maturation.

On their journey towards adulthood,

adolescents go through three main stages
of sexual maturation:

• Early Adolescence: 10-13 years.

The increase in sex hormones (estrogen and
testosterone) in the pubertal transition in early
adolescence translates into sexual curiosity and
exploration, e.g., masturbation.

• Middle Adolescence: 14–17 years.

This period is characterized by full physical
maturation. In many cultures, courting and dating
are hallmarks of this stage.

• Older adolescents: 17–19 years.

Typically, adolescents in this age group are more
sexually expressive and develop intimate
relationships as they enter into adulthood.

2
 Parts Identification

THE ADOLESCENT’S SPHERES

As an adolescent ‘owner’ (self or parents)

you are requested to know his/her different
parts. Doing so will make their ‘utilization’
easy and efficient.

The adolescent lives in our world, our city, our compound,

our family, our home, but we may have not taken note of
him/her.

Important:
Like any other human
being, an adolescent is
a being composed of
three parts:
• The Body
• The Spirit
• The Soul

Each one of these

parts will have an
influence on his/her
behaviour and the
quality of his/her transition to adulthood.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

THE BODY
The adolescent’s body is the visible part
of who s/he is and it is being used as a
vehicle transporting the adolescent to
his/her desired or undesired
destination.

This body has five senses that connect

him/her to the outside world:
• Sight;
• Hearing;
• Taste;
• Touch; and
• Smell.

The Sight
Function:
The eyes allow the adolescent
to connect to the external
physical and digital worlds.
Peers, family members,
Movies, sms, emails, notes, beauty, nature, etc. are seen with
eyes.

Eyes are an important door which gives

direct access to the adolescent.
Its utilization needs to be monitored.

4
 Parts Identification

The Hearing

Function:
The ears allow the adolescent
to connect to the auditory
world.
Music, positive or negative
voices from the family,
church, school, friends,
neighbours, community, etc. pass through the ears the gain
access to the adolescent.

The adolescent has two ears, meaning s/he

ears a lot of things. Looking at the fact that
adults suffer from presbycusis (cannot hear
sound with a frequency of 17.4 kHz), some of
the sounds are not captured by the adults,
hence difficult to control.
What the ears receive needs to be checked on a regular basis.

The Taste

Function:
The adolescent’s tongue
connects him/her to the world
of gastronomy and taste.
The drinking, eating, kissing
smoking, are done through the
mouth.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

This door is insatiable and easily leads to

addiction. It is recommended to carefully
watch what goes in the adolescent through
it.

The Touch
Function:
Fingers and body surface
connect the adolescent to
sensations and the digital world.
Phones, computers, IPods,
cameras, games, caress,
touching, fights, etc. all use this
door connect the adolescent.

Like the taste, this door is insatiable and

easily leads to addiction. To prevent
complications, its utilization needs to be
monitored and regulated.

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 Parts Identification

The Smell
Function:
The adolescent’s nose connects
him/her to the world of fragrance
and smell.
Perfumes, body smell, food, drinks,
drugs, etc. enter the adolescent
through the nose.

This door knows no distance and has the

power of a magnet in the adolescent’s life
and can attract him/her and charm him/her
easily.

Body Maintenance

To protect the adolescent body and

prolong its usefulness, make sure the
body is adequately maintained.

Keep the adolescent’s body away from:

• Corrosive substances, e.g.

alcohol, skin lightening substances, smoke and drugs.
• High frequency sounds, e.g. negative Peer voices,
rock music.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

• Ultraviolet light, e.g. phone/TV/laptop screens and

their content.
• Heat, e.g. peer pressure and social media influence.

THE SPIRIT
The adolescent has five channels,
which give access to his/her spirit:
• Memory;
• Imagination;
• Emotions;
• Conscience; and
• Reason.

Each channel of the spirit plays a

specific role in the transition
towards adulthood, and can help
or play against the adolescent
during this transition to
adulthood.

The Memory

Function:
This is the mental capacity or faculty of
retaining and reviving facts, events (good
or bad), impressions (positive or
negative), etc., or recalling or recognizing
previous experiences.

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 Parts Identification

If too heavy, the memory can shadow the

present and future and trap the adolescent in
the past. This channel of the spirit needs to
be utilized positively.

The Imagination

Function:
To form mental images of things that
are not present to the senses or not
considered to be real.
Romance, rejections, masturbation,
etc. pass through this channel.

If left idle, this channel can create

depressive, erotic, etc. images in the mind
of the adolescent. In a context of an
immature prefrontal cortex, the
adolescent’s imagination does not usually take him/her to
‘what do you want to become in the future’.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

The Emotions

Functions:
This is a mental state that arises
spontaneously rather than through
conscious effort and is often
accompanied by physiological changes.
Gaming, watching TV, playing around
enter through this channel.

Emotions are under the control of the

adolescent’s limbic system, which s/he
cannot control. Once in action, the
adolescent just follows.

The Conscience

Function:
This is a faculty of the mind, or
inborn sense of right and
wrong, by which we judge of the
moral character of human
conduct.

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 Parts Identification

This channel is not always opened in the

adolescent, and most of the time it is
obstructed. The adolescent has it difficult to
distinguish between good and bad. They
live in ambivalence.

The Reason

Function:
The basis or motive for an action,
decision, or conviction.

This channel works the other way round in

adolescents: they act and think why later.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

Spirit Maintenance

To protect the adolescent spirit and

prolong its usefulness, make sure the
spirit is adequately maintained.

Keep the adolescent’s spirit away from:

• Living in the past, e.g. focusing on bad incidences of

the past.
• Idleness, make it busy all the time.
• Power surge, e.g. mood swings and emotional
reactions.
• Ambivalence, e.g. having two opposing opinions at
the same time in the mind.
• Automatic action, e.g. acting then thinking later on.

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 Parts Identification

THE SOUL

The adolescent’s soul has only one

channel, faith or doubt. The soul is the
actual person driving the spirit and
body envelop on the surface of the
earth. If the body fails (death), it leaves
for another dimension.

In today’s world, people are ashamed to

deal with this portion of the adolescent.
This is the ‘core’ of the adolescent.

If a car owner spends all his money changing the car tires,
doing regular maintenance and always having a full tank for
its daily trips, while is body is starving for lack of food, he
will end up not being able to drive it because of body
weakness.
The same applies to the adolescent’s spirit. If not adequately
nourished, the ‘adolescent’ will become weak and fail to
properly direct his spirit and body. Has adolescent ‘owner’ do
not be ashamed to feed the inner man of spiritual food, which
comes from the word of God.

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 Adolescent Owner’s Manual

Soul Maintenance

To protect the adolescent soul and

prolong its usefulness, make sure the
soul is adequately maintained.

Keep the adolescent’s soul in contact with:

• The word of God, e.g. let him go to church and be

involved in religious activities.

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 The Thermometer Effect

CONTACT DR. DHALLY M. MENDA

One-on-one Coaching

Do you need personal coaching to work through a particular

issue in your life? Set up goals for your life? Dhally works
with a wide range of clients on issues ranging from work,
motivation and faith.

Speaking Engagements

Looking for a speaker who can craft a programme that

uniquely addresses the needs of your audience? Whether
your goal is to address a specific business or academic need
or allow depth and discussion regarding motivation, faith
and values, Dhally can design a programme customized for
your needs.

Strategic Planning Retreats

Is your organization headed in the right direction? Do you

operate as a team? Dhally conducts leadership team’s
retreats that help participants cut through the distractions
that hinder success, solidify team building and reduce
organizational stress.

To contact Dr. Dhally Menda, e-mail him at

dhally.menda@gmail.com

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Thermometer Effect
Adolescents do the very things they don’t want to do
and don’t do what they want to do. In all this
confusion, parents don’t realize that adolescents, like
thermometers, tend to adopt the behaviour of the
environment in which they find themselves: in ‘cool’
environments, they become ‘cool’, and in ‘hot’
environments, they become ‘hot’. This book highlights the
Thermometer Effect that the family, the school, the
peers, the community and media is having on the
adolescents’ lives.

Electric and electronic appliances and gadgets are perfectly

operated only when the user reads and understands the
“Owner’s Manual”. This applies to adolescents too!
In this book, I open an door into the tridimensional fabric of
the adolescent, and examines how the environment in which
s/he lives influences his/her behaviour and personality.

Dr. Dhally M. Menda, MD, MPH, MBA, PhD(c)

The 25 years of Clinical Medicine, and
Public Health practice, the endless
readings, the years of university
lecturing and interactions with
adolescents and young people, and 20
years of pastoral work give Dr. Dhally
M. Menda the authority to write this Adolescent
Owner’s Manual. Adolescents
and parents, use it!