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Kadence Sharp

Mrs. Lynch

English III AP

31 March 2019

A Child’s Place in Divorce

Divorce has existed for years as a measure for separating struggling couples. The idea

behind divorce is that once the two wedded spouses have split they can move on and begin new

lives. Troubles arise though when these couples have children, and custody becomes a factor in

the divorce arrangements. Many parents are unaware of how to address the needs of their

children when making custody decisions. Custody is typically determined by what is known as

“the best interests of [the] child” standard which takes into account many aspects of a child’s

life, such as their school schedules, social life, and the relationship that the child has with both of

their parents (Sisk). Yet it is very rare in these situations for parents or divorce lawyers to

specifically ask the children their opinions on the divorce and custody, even though most

children (especially teenagers) have an idea of what custody arrangement will work best for

them.

Six weeks ago my parents announced their divorce, providing next to no information save

for the fact that we would be moving this summer into two separate households, and for the

meantime living together as normal. Of course, divorce brings a lot of other changes to a family,

and thus my four younger siblings were overwhelmed with questions about our futures, and

specifically custody. Trying to have a conservation with my parents about this matter has proved

exceptionally difficult, as my father believes I should get to have a say in where I should live
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(especially since I will graduate in a year) and my mother believes that me as a “child” should

not be worrying myself with parental concerns, such as custody. I have heard that it is probable

that custody will be 50/50, a week-on, week-off kind of schedule. Personally, I want to settle

down in just one home, so I don’t have to spend the entirety of my senior year moving back and

forth between houses. But without going to a court, which is quite expensive for large families

like our own, it is unlikely that my opinion on custody will hold any weight in the situation. To

avoid the emotional turmoil that comes with a lack of involvement in custody situations, I want

the opportunity to be heard and have my opinions fully considered, as opposed to being expected

to follow a custody plan that is not tailored to my individual needs and desires. Obviously, not all

of my siblings would be fit to make a decision on custody at this time (especially my nine and

ten year old brothers), but for the oldest three children in our family: myself, my fifteen year old

brother, and twelve year old sister, having a say in custody would ensure we transition more

smoothly into the next stage of our lives.

Determining child involvement in custody arrangements age is a huge factor, because up

until a certain age children are still incapable of making well thought out decisions about their

futures. The age range that has been found to demonstrate the most independence and be the

most opinionated in family matters are children aged twelve to eighteen — children that are

beginning to develop into adults — but even knowing this many courts make the final custody

plans without any say of the child (​How Age Plays a Role in Child Custody Cases).​ Once

children reach what is considered this “age of reason” it should be a priority of parents, lawyers,

and courts to collaborate with the child/teenager about the changes to come, in particular custody

(Bettelheim). Of course, there always lies the concern that children may have been influenced
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into picking one parent over the other throughout the divorce process, either due to bribes or

some kind of deal with one of their parents. Typically though this only occurs with younger

children who have no knowledge of right or wrong, as opposed to teenagers who are more

capable of recognizing deception. If courts take this into account there is no reason why children

in the twelve to eighteen year old age range should not at least get to speak their opinions in

court. The older the child is in that age range, the more weight they should have in the custody

arrangement, as many of those children should be leaving their parents and starting their own life

within a short amount of time anyway. Yet along with age comes maturity, and it is important to

address that there will be instances in which a child will be unfit to speak on the matters of

custody. Courts should not follow a child’s wishes blindly just because they are of a sufficient

age. It is imperative that these teenagers “can reasonably state [their] preference”, so that the

child ends up in the best custody situation possible (​Will My Child's Opinion Be Considered in a

Custody Case?).

In today’s society, despite the many divorce cases, very few children are given

representation in court or given the option to speak before a judge. Even if the child is old

enough to have a mature and well-reasoned opinion on custody, their views are disregarded for

various reasons. Many parents would rather make the decision without the involvement of their

kids, and many courts do not bring up interviewing the children because it proves to be a hassle

when determining custody. Additionally, the state statutes regarding child representation vary,

making it difficult to determine the allowed extent of child involvement per individual states. For

example Utah’s state courts have found “​49 percent of petitioners and 81 percent of respondents

in divorce cases are unrepresented”, with even fewer children represented than parents (Speaker
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and Latuszek). California, on the other hand, has “67 percent of petitioners and 80 percent of

respondents self-represented”, once again with an even smaller percentage of children getting

any representation in court, or even the opportunity to self-represent (Speaker and Latuszek).

Pennsylvania state courts have an entirely different views on child representation as well. While

the “Pa. Bar Op. 95-135 (1996)” allows children to speak before a lawyer or court, the child must

first get permission from their parent, legally acting guardian, or their “child advocate” (Speaker

and Latuszek). If one of the parents does not want their child to speak for fear of bias, he/she

could prevent the child from speaking by stating it was in the child’s best interest. Courts do not

typically question this judgement from a parent and thus the child would remain unrepresented.

Due to the inconsistency of child representation across the United States, it has reached a point

where many parents do not even bother to find ways for their child to be involved in making

custody arrangements. I believe this to be the case because many parents use their children

selfishly as bargaining chips in various stages of the divorce negotiations. When that process is

taken into the context of a child having some amount of influence over the custody arrangement,

there exists a significant bias toward oppression of the children’s wishes. Months or years of

negotiations could be unraveled if a judge were to rule favorably for the child and the decision

runs counter to the parents own negotiations.

To offset the the lack of child representation, many people have come up with plans that

would ideally give children the opportunity to have a more weighted opinion in their custody.

While these plans differ, the​ changes to the disjointed and inconsistent system of today that are

most plausible and would provide the highest probability for success when children are seeking

involvement in the custody decision would be those that would produce baseline change in the
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preparation and groundwork involved in setting up custody provisions. Ruth Bettelheim, a

marriage/family therapist, has came up with one such proposal that seems to deliver on all the

necessary components required to satisfy parents, of-age children, and the courts. She believes

that custody arrangements “should be subjected to mandatory binding review every two years”,

where at the end of each period older children are provided with the option to make changes that

would best fit their needs (Bettelheim). Children that may have previously had no desire to

change their custody plan or be involved in the process, would later have the option under the

right set of circumstances, to revisit their original decision by contributing at this later stage in

their lives. In order to ensure in these custody arrangements that the child’s opinions are put first,

Bettelheim recommends that “the conversation[s] should be recorded” so that there is no

misinterpretation by judges or lawyers as to the child’s desires.

Child involvement in custody on the other hand has been known to negatively affect

children both emotionally and psychologically. With all the stress that children of divorcing

couples already face, asking them to share their opinions on custody and parent preference can

be overwhelming (Sisk). Kathryn Stich, a counselor who moderates divorce support groups for

children, has found that many children struggle with not only “issues of custody”, but “conflicts

in loyalty” as well when involved in the divorce process (Dreger). Children who have grown up

with access to both of their parents are not accustomed to making decisions such as which parent

they will spend the majority of their time with, and so on. Of the parents that have allowed their

children to speak their opinions before the court ​“​one in four parents believed that their children

experienced negative effects from the evaluation” (Custody Evaluation). However the other side

of this statistic is that three out of four parents felt that having their children involved was either
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a benefit to the divorce situation, or that it at least caused no noticeable harm to the child. To

ensure that the child is not put into an uncomfortable situation where they may have to

unwillingly pick a side, parents should give their children (if they are of a reasonable age) the

option to either get involved in the custody arrangements or not. This way, children who feel

strongly about their living arrangements will not go unheard, and those that would prefer to stay

out of the divorce situation — such as those with strong feelings for both parents — will not feel

pressured to share their opinion.

Overall, giving older children a say in custody plans and logistics would provide those

of-age individuals a measure of control and a bit of comfort in knowing that their desires for the

future of the now-changed familial system were taken into account. Children should not have to

suffer from the decisions and incompatibility of their parents that created unfavorable homelife

tension, whether it be in their social life, school life, or even the amount of time they get to spend

with each parent. Providing children with the opportunity to choose whether or not to have a say

in custody proceedings ensures that children do not feel ignored throughout the overwhelming

process of divorce. It also, through the act of deciding not to be involved, protects them from

having to pick one parent over the other if that makes them uncomfortable.