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U.S.

Department of Justice
Office of Legislative Affairs

Office of the Assistant Attorney General Washington, D.C. 20530

May 5, 2020

The Honorable Lindsey Graham The Honorable Richard Burr


Chairman Chairman
Committee on the Judiciary Select Committee on Intelligence
United States Senate United States Senate
Washington, DC 20510 Washington, DC 20510

The Honorable Dianne Feinstein The Honorable Mark Warner


Ranking Member Ranking Member
Committee on the Judiciary Select Committee on Intelligence
United States Senate United States Senate
Washington, DC 20510 Washington, DC 20510

Dear Chairmen and Ranking Members:

We write in further regard to matters pertaining to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance


Act (FISA) and other matters contained in the December 9, 2019 report by Department of Justice
(Department) Inspector General Michael Horowitz.
As we described in our letter of February 7, 2020, the Attorney General has determined
that it is now in the public interest to release to Congress additional documents and information
related to these matters to the extent consistent with national security interests and with the
January 7, 2020 order of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISC). We began to
provide such documents to you on February 7. A ninth production is enclosed herein, Bates
numbered SENATE-FISA2020-000723 to SENATE-FISA2020-000926. This submission
contains a Confidential Human Source transcript. The attached production is unclassified in its
current format.
Pursuant to longstanding Department policy, the Department has made redactions
relating to certain personally identifiable information or to ongoing investigations, enforcement
activities, and certain law enforcement operations, methods, or techniques.

Today’s submission, along with forthcoming productions of additional documents, is


based on extraordinary and unique circumstances, and should not be construed as precedent
setting in any regard. The production of these materials does not waive any applicable
privilege.
The Honorable Lindsey Graham
The Honorable Dianne Feinstein
The Honorable Richard Burr
The Honorable Mark Warner
Page 2

We hope this information is helpful. Please do not hesitate to contact this office if we
may provide additional assistance regarding this or any other matter.

Sincerely,

Stephen E. Boyd
Assistant Attorney General

Enclosure
SECRET//NOFORN

UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE


FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

File Number: XXX-Case identifier

Requesting Official(s) and Office(s): SA FBI employee/location

Task Number(s) and Date Completed: 628389, 12/22/2016


635144, 1/9/2016

Name and Office of Linguist(s): FBI employee , ITAC

Name and Office of Reviewer(s): FBI employee , ITAC

Source Language(s): English

Target Language: English

Source File Information


CCR_0006.wav

VERBATIM TRANSCRIPTION

Participants:
FBI employee
List of redacted categories:
CHS Confidential Human Source TPN = Third Party Name
CT Crossfire Typhoon DIR = Directions
UM Unknown Male TPE = Third Party Establishment/Location
UF Unknown Female SIA = Source Identifying Attribute
GPS Global Positioning System TPA = Third Party Attribute

Abbreviations:
UI Unintelligible
IA Inaudible Declassified by C28W34B64 on
5/4/2020
SECRET//NOFORN This redacted version only
SENATE-FISA2020-000723
SECRET//NOFORN

SC Simultaneous Conversation
OV Overlapping Conversation
Sic As Stated
Italics Foreign language

[TN: The following document contains common use phrases of various foreign
languages. Per case agent's instruction, participants throughout are identified as Crossfire
Typhoon (CT) and Confidential Human Source (CHS).]

SECRET//NOFORN
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SA: This is Special Agent FBI employee . It is approximately, on 26
November, 2016. It’s going to be a consensual recording between CHS and
Crossfire Typhoon.

[Movement]

[Door closes]

[Bottle clinking sound]

[Chime]

[Cell phone noise]

[Movement]

[Washer spinning noise]

[Movement]

[Banging noise]

[Dryer noise]

[Zipper noise]

[Walking sound]

[Door closing]

[Lock noise]

[Door noise]

[Garage door opening noise]

[Vehicle starts]

[Beeping]

[Music]

[Sirens in background]

[Traffic/driving noises]

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GPS: Starting route toward North DIR Avenue. [UI], turn right.

[Music continues]

GPS: In a quarter mile turn [UI], proceed to the right. In a quarter mile turn right onto
[UI].

[Music continues]

GPS: Turn right onto West Avenue.

[Music continues]

GPS: Turn right onto West Avenue. Turn left onto Highway.

[Music continues]

[Traffic noises]

[Coughing]

[Music continues]

GPS: Turn right onto North [PH] Avenue. Turn left onto West
Avenue.

CHS: [Sighs].

GPS: [UI] West Avenue.

[Traffic noises]

GPS: In a quarter mile turn right onto North [UI].

[Music continues]

GPS: Turn right onto [UI]. Turn right onto [UI].

[Traffic noises]

[Music continues]

GPS: Turn right onto West [UI] street turn left onto North Avenue.

[Music]

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GPS: Turn right onto [UI]. Destination is on your left. [UI].

[Music]

GPS: In 300 feet your destination is on left, [UI].

[Dog barking]

[Music continues]

CT: [UI].

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA [Chuckles].

CHS: She’s doing what she likes.

CT: What’s going on, man?

CHS: How you doing, brother?

[Slapping noise]

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: I like the hair, man. I like the hair.

CHS: Yeah?

CT: Look at the hair.

CHS: I mean, I’ve got some. I got, still have some on my head.

CT: What do you [UI]?

CHS: Go through a divorce and you would think you’d lose half of it.

CT: You know when I started losing my shit? Sophomore year in college.

CHS: Really?

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CT: I remember I’d be like doing this on my head. And like hair was falling, like
shedding. I was like, what the...When did it happen to you?

CHS: [Sighs] I mean--

CT: [OV] Did you ever have a lot or no?

CHS: Ah…in high school and then it just started thinning in college but then…

CT: Yeah. I was like…because I’m like--

CHS: [OV] Stress.

CT: --looking at pictures when I was in high school, man, I had like a full like this and
I’d like spike it like in the front, you know. Like a faux hawk.

CHS: Like a FOB.

CT: [OV] Now look at it.

CHS: Like a FOB hawk.

CT: It’s actually a FOB hawk. [Chuckles].

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA , man.

CHS: SIA over.

CT: No it’s not.

CHS: Yeah it is.

CT: It’s Saturday.

CHS: SIA

CT: Oh that’s right. That’s--

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: That’s why I’m…

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CT: [Laughing] [Coughing] Have you ever been to SIA

CHS: Yeah.

CT: I didn’t know when you walked in they SIA you. Did you know
that?

CHS: Yeah. Well I mean you got to--

CT: [OV] [UI].

CHS: --you got to SIA yourself. Or somebody wants to…

CT: No, but everybody has to SIA when you walk in.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: I didn’t know that. So when I walked in they have them like on the side SI
It’s cool. A

CHS: How the fuck do you get on the highway from here? I’m going to go all the way
down Lawrence?

CT: Where-where-where do you want to go on, ah, Lakeshore?

CHS: No…

CT: Lakeshore takes us really…

CHS: It’s quicker?

CT: Yeah a lot flip [UI]. Where do you want to go? Shopping yeah.

CHS: Ah TPE and then we’ll go shopping.

CT: Yeah. That’s [UI].

CHS: I need some fucking fried chicken. No, fuck the casino.

CT: [Laughing].

CHS: Lose so much fucking money there. If you’re going to blow a thousand dollars go
blow it on fucking Tom Ford.

CT: [Laughing] Tom Ford.

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CHS: Right?

CT: What about their deals? Are their deals going on right now still or was that all
yesterday?

CHS: Hey there’s always deals going on. [Stammers] Want to, I, uh, maybe we’ll
check out Macy’s, too. Where, where--

CT: [OV] [UI] Nordstrom’s.

CHS: --did you want to go to…did you want to go to, uh, Tom Ford themselves?

CT: No, no. But--

CHS: Tom Ford’s fucking--

CT: --like, like Nordstrom’s and all that’s like is nice.

CHS: Yeah let’s go.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Let’s go see, let’s go see, let’s go see Mossad at, ah, Nordstrom’s. They’re all
fucking hanging out over there.

CT: [OV] [Laughing] Yeah they’re all…

CHS: Let’s go talk to them.

CT: Wait, what do you tell them when you see them?

CHS: SIA

CT: No, what’s the other thing?

CHS: SIA

CT: [Laughing] What does that mean? SIA

CHS: Yeah.

CT: [Laughing] SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: What about SIA That means SIA means SIA


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CT: What?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: How would they know that?

CHS: They, they can look up your record.

CT: They can look you up?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: What, as an American citizen --

CHS: [OV] There’s a couple of people that, uh…

CT: -- Wait. As an American citizen --

CHS: [OV] Yeah.

CT: -- they can look you up.

CHS: There’s a couple of people that were on a project…

CT: [UI]

CHS: …with me in SIA

CT: [UI]

CHS: It’s all that Greek food.

CT: Shit.

CHS: There’s a couple of people in my company that flew in…directly into SIA
and they told them, uh, that they won’t let them in because they had like,
a criminal background. And they’re like what because I had a DUI like ten years
ago.

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CT: Are you serious?

CHS: Yeah. They don’t want troublemakers in their country.

CT: Do you want to hear something weird I hear about Qatar? Appar--

CHS: Qatar?

CT: Yeah Qatar or whatever--

CHS: Qatar [enunciating the word].

CT: --whatever the hell [UI]. Apparently if you have AIDS or HIV you’re not allowed
in the country. Well how the fuck do they know that?

CHS: And technically…I don’t know.

CT: I mean what happens if you get diagnosed, you get…

CHS: I’m fucking freezing. Take off your jacket--

CT: [Laughing].

CHS: --you’re fucking coldblooded animal.

CT: [UI] what’s this?

CHS: It’s nice, this is, I got it from Nordstrom.

CT: From where?

CHS: Nordstrom.

CT: [UI].

CHS: It’s very nice. [UI].

CT: How was Indiana yesterday?

CHS: It was all right.

CT: Did you go to casino?

CHS: No.

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CT: Was she from SIA

CHS: No.

CT: [Laughing].

CHS: If she’s from fucking SIA then I would go any day.

CT: [Laughing].

CHS: No she’s, ah, SIA , or something like that.

CT: SIA

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Oh so sh--

CHS: About two, two hours.

CT: How was it going there?

CHS: Not bad.

CT: Was it fun?

CHS: I hate fucking driving so.

CT: [Laughing].

CHS: Like I mean I don’t mind driving in the city but I hate fucking driving like –

CT: [OV] Long [UI].

CHS: -- long road trips. Anything over an hour, count me out.

CT: Where [stammers] so you met her family?

CHS: Yeah I met her family a long time ago.

CT: Oh yeah?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: What kind of people are they? They nice?

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CHS: Your average white people.

CT: They were white people or [UI].

CHS: [Laughing]

CT: [UI]

CHS: Yeah they’re very nice. Her dad’s a bit of a hermit but…

CT: What does that mean?

CHS: Like he doesn’t travel. He doesn’t do anything. He’s just like, he likes the
Midwest. He’s a Midwest guy. He’s got a thick-ass mustache and…

CT: [OV] He has a thick-ass mustache?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: My God. [UI] to living with.

CHS: I’m going to shave it off of him one day when he’s sleeping. [Laughing].

CT: And her mom?

CHS: Her mom’s, uh, like a liberal like I don’t know what’s a good couple to, uh…to
compare them to. Like he’s quiet and she’s outgoing or they’re, uh...they’ve got,
apparently they balance each other out but…

CT: What was the occasion to go yesterday?

CHS: Thanksgiving.

CT: Thanksgiving’s Thursday.

CHS: Yeah but we had Thanksgiving at, uh--

CT: At your house.

CHS: --at my house on Thursday and then she wanted to go see her family so we went
to her house.

CT: Why didn’t you guys just do it all together? [UI].

CHS: Her father doesn’t want to come out here.

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CT: No I mean, but why didn’t you guys go there?

CHS: I don’t want to fucking go. And she, she was working ‘til 6:00 so…

CT: Oh okay. She’s at the SIA right?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Do they get paid?

CHS: Yeah the time and a half or double on holidays. I don’t know what’s…

CT: [OV] But like what is she like a SIA or…

CHS: No. She’s a…SIA .

CT: They pay them well at those SIA

CHS: Yeah. Maybe t- $20, $30 an hour or something like that.

CT: Yeah because I was going to say, man. SIA are [UI]…

CHS: [OV] I mean I would rather take that than how much I’m making considering if
SIA
you do overtime, man, sometimes I’ll work maybe sometimes I’ll work hours
SIA
to hours a week but I’m salary this is not bad. But then there are--

CT: [UI]

CHS: --weeks that I’m working like SIA hours like and you barely get any sleep.

CT: Are you serious?

CHS: Yeah. So I mean when it’s bad, it’s bad. And when it’s good, it’s great. Like
SIA
next week I’m working at least hours.

CT: You’re leaving [UI]?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Oh.

CHS: So what’s up with Greece?

CT: So Greece I’m going to find out tonight.

CHS: [OV] Come on every--


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CT: No--

CHS: --fucking day you’re going to find out tonight. Tomorrow --

CT: [OV] No. Tonight, tonight’s the last…

CHS: -- I got to fi-, I got to find out.

CT: Tonight’s the last day because, ah…

CHS: So what kind of fucking meetings you going to?

CT: Well I’m just going to have things like the first like three-four days I’m there and
I’m going to be like just packed with. And then I’m going to stay out there until
December 19th.

CHS: Oh God damn.

CT: If I, if I, ah, if I, um…

CHS: We got to go to Vegas, baby. You got to come back sooner.

CT: W-when’s Vegas for?

CHS: For my birthday.

CT: When’s your birthday? SIA

CHS: [OV] SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: Yeah. I’m going to go--

CT: [OV] I am going--


CHS: --either the week before or the week after.

CT: --I am going to go for you, I’m going go to go with for [UI] I haven’t been, I’ve
never been--

CHS: On the SIA

CT: --I’ve never been to Vegas.

CHS: You’ve never been to fucking Vegas?


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CT: No I haven’t.

CHS: SIA So the, it starts at, the meeting starts on the 1st?

CT: Yeah until the 4th.

CHS: Okay.

CT: And then, um, I just want…

CHS: Anything I can sit in with?

CT: Let me find out what it is exactly. I don’t know exactly what the hell it is.

CHS: It’s all in Greek?

CT: [OV] It’s like a conference. Yeah it’s all in Greek. It’s like a conference about
the municipalities of Greece and I don’t know what, what the thing is…

CHS: Okay.

CT: …but they want me to go there. And I just want to use it as an excuse basically to
see, you know, my family and my city and just kind of enjoy it.

CHS: What are they going to put you up in a hotel or?

CT: That I don’t know yet.

CHS: Because I mean if I go--

CT: [OV] [UI] have a house [UI]--

CHS: --I would come out there Friday, Saturday, and leave on Sunday or leave on
Monday, one of the two.

CT: Yeah you will come three days?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: You would fly out for three days?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Shh…

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CT: [OV][UI]

CHS: --and fucking hippies--

CT: [OV] What is it?

CHS: It was great. Like there’s so, so many like smart people and like…well yeah SIA
everywhere but like…

CT: Is it everywhere?

CHS: Oh man you smell it walking down the street.

CT: [OV] What do you mean it’s everywhere?

CHS: Like there’s a fucking café every…when you say café in SIA that’s all it
is a--

CT: [UI]

CHS: --It’s a SIA café.

CT: So like that Starbucks would it be, you would see smoke in the windows right
now.

CHS: Yeah. [Chuckling].

CT: Are you serious?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Like I don’t know [UI] I think they’re going to SIA it here, man.

CHS: What the fuck is this?

CT: This shit became SIA I think now in Chicago. It’s very sanitary right?

CHS: This? This is sanitary? What the fuck is that?

CT: [Laughing] [UI] would you eat that shit?

CHS: I mean I would but I would take like um some, some pills before to make my
stomach settle. I eat anything, man.

CT: Shit.
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CHS: So--

CT: [UI]

CHS: --will they have a, will they have a fucking translating thing if I went out there
with you?

CT: That I am going to find out today because I told them, ah, you got to let me know
because I’ve got to make up this…technically I would have to leave on Tuesday
so today’s the last day.

CHS: So you got 25 dollars for me? All in singles--

CT: [UI] [Laughs]

CHS: --where the fuck did you get…what is this a fucking payment plan?

[Laughter]

CHS: Yeah I owe you fucking $25. Give me the hundred when you fucking have a
hundred. I don’t give a fuck.

CT: I know I still don’t got my AT- my fucking debit card.

CHS: [OV] You didn’t get your debit card?

CT: So I’m going to get you, that’s what I’m going to get--

CHS: [OV] Oh get the fuck out of here.

CT: --I’m going to buy you whatever you need on the credit card.

CHS: Don’t-don’t-don’t give me this fucking [UI].

CT: Well then let me get you on my credit card, whatever you’re going to get.

CHS: [OV] Okay.

CT: I thought maybe you would want some cash, too. That’s why I wanted to…

CHS: Oh fuck it. You owe me 25 dollars in singles. [Laughs]

CT: I still don’t have, have my fucking ID.

CHS: Where did you go to the strip club?


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CT: Well, I still don’t have my ID.

CHS: How the hell are you going to drink?

CT: Well I got my passport.

CHS: Oh. [Chuckles].

CT: [UI].

CHS: You’re walking around like you’re in fucking Russia. You got to carry your
passport otherwise you get in fucking trouble.

CT: Believe me it’s so…have you ever had your wallet stolen?

CHS: Yeah. In high school and and a nightmare…

CT: [OV] What a fucking annoying bitch this is, man.

CHS: I had my social security card in there once. That’s fucking, like how did you,you
didn’t even get your ID. Did you not go back and get your ID, dude?

CT: I didn’t, well with Thanksgiving and all, you know. I didn’t have a chance to
really [hiccups] to really go and it’s closed like on…it was closed yesterday.

CHS: Huh.

CT: So…and now I maybe be leaving on Tuesday so I don’t get a chance to…

CHS: You’re leaving on Tuesday? So if I can get there --

CT: [OV] If, if…I’m going to know today, tonight. Final answer, so.

CHS: Okay let me know because I-I--

CT: And the [UI]…

CHS: --if it’s over $3,000 I can’t fucking do it. If it’s over $2,000…

CT: No, I already looked at tickets, I already looked at tickets--

CHS: [OV] How much are they?

CT: --it’s 900.

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CHS: Nine hundred is perfect. That is perfect.

CT: That’s nothing.

CHS: That’s like…three, to me--

CT: [OV] Nine hundred is [UI].

CHS: --three thousand would be pushing it but like if it, you know…

CT: Fuck no, man. Three thousand is too much.

CHS: So looking next week I can leave, I’ll leave directly from SIA , from
SIA --

CT: [OV] And we’ll stay at Thessaloni--

CHS: --and I’ll, uh--

CT: --[UI] have a great time.

CHS: --I’ll get there on the second so that would be Friday. Do you have meetings on
Friday and Saturday and Sunday?

CT: Ah, one until 3:00. I do have, can you come like the fourth? Is that possible or?

CHS: Yeah [UI] the fourth.

CT: Or even the next weekend after, or even the next weekend after that?

CHS: I could but I mean, uh, this week…well no the next week –

CT: [OV] Because I’m going to be there until the 19th, I said. I’m going to be in
Greece until the 19th if I go.

CHS: Okay.

CT: So I’m going to be, I can be there whenever you want so you don’t have to like
rush like [UI].

CHS: [OV] To me like my, my company will pay a little bit of it –

CT: [OV] They do?

CHS: -- if I, if I leave like the weekend like because if I’m…

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CT: SIA

CHS: …SIA just straight to SIA it would cost me 3, 400 bucks.

CT: The most expensive [UI]--

CHS: [OV] And it’s like a half hour flight from SIA to SIA .

CT: I mean [UI] I’ve ever even flown into New York or whatever it’s only like $230.

CHS: Yeah to New York because it’s a big airport.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: It’s a major airport. You go to these smaller cities…

CT: Wow. But they pay for your flight, right?

CHS: Yeah. Shit I would not work for my fucking company if they didn’t pay for your
flight.

CT: Shit.

CHS: My mom always asks me, she’s like your company pays for your flights?

CT: [UI].

CHS: She sounds like an old SIA lady sometimes.

CT: Tell me [UI]your…

CHS: [In high pitched voice] Your company pays for your flights, are you sure? I’m
like yeah they, I’m fucking sure. How would, how would the fuck would I get
this money to fucking fly around…

CT: [Laughing] [UI] get your ass there it’s $900.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: [OV] That’s coming out of your paycheck. [Laughing]

CHS: Come out of my pay like get the fuck outta here.

CT: But do they have like some sort of 401K plan? Like how, what’s the, what’s the
[UI]?
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CHS: Yeah I got a 401K. I got a retirement.

CT: So do you want to actually stay there and…let’s say I get a job with the camp.
Would you leave and get out?

CHS: Yeah I’d get out. I’d ask for a leave of absence. Hopefully they would be able to
grant such a thing especially if I’m working under, you know, the government.

CT: Mm-hmm.

CHS: I don’t think they would be able to fire me because one I’m working like I was
asked to work for the government for, ah, a contracted amount of time. I could

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gounder a leave of absence. It’s almost like going into military duty in the same
sense. I think they have some sort of program like that.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: If you are asked or requested to work, you know.

CT: Mm-hmm.

CHS: I could see that happening with my company. I think, they’re very lenient.

CT: Mm-hmm.

CHS: So…man, if I got in I’d, I’d fucking love it. But the money’s got to be good to.

CT: So check this out, this is what I wanted to tell you today. I got a message.

CHS: From whom?

CT: From some guy that works for the Albanian parliament. I’m not kidding.

CHS: I’ll--

CT: I’m not kidding. I’ll show you the message. A random message from a guy who
works for the Albanian parliament on LinkedIn.

CHS: Okay.

CT: And he’s like hello, Crossfire Typhoon, I just wanted to congratulate you because
I heard from mutual friends that you’ve been selected to work with, ah…Ryan’s
previous, the Chief of Staff of The White House.

CHS: Mm-hmm.

CT: Congratulations. And then I tried to get [UI] and like who said that. Because I
didn’t hear that. What the hell is this? You think it’s like…I mean, is that

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bizarre? What do you think that is? You think that bullshit? A guy that works
for the parliament of Albania sent that.

CHS: Yeah but you also had Eli Groaner [PH] fucking email you, too.

CT: Yeah but…

CHS: So I mean w- if, if…I mean word gets out. What did you put on LinkedIn?

CT: Nothing, nothing. I haven’t said anything on LinkedIn.

CHS: Maybe people fucking look up your name or something like…your name, your
name, you’re on fucking headline news, dude.

CT: Yeah but he said I heard…this is exactly what he said it was a one sentence
thing... “I heard that from mutual friends that you have been selected to work as
an assistant to the Chief of Staff. Congratulations. I look forward to working
with you.” And then I said, who said that question mark. I said, No one told me
that. That shit’s not on Google. I even Google, I’ve looked up, there’s nothing

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like that. So do you think that’s like some legit thing or is that the guy is just
like…

CHS: From the Albanian parliament?

CT: Yeah. Albanian parliament.

CHS: Fuck Albanians.

CT: What the hell’s Albanian parliament, right? It’s like…

CHS: The whole Eastern Europe’s a bunch of fucking cow shit anyway.

CT: It is. Have you been to SIA

CHS: Yeah.

CT: How is it there?

CHS: It’s nice. But it’s very like vast like the land is…

CT: It’s vast?

CHS: Yeah. I mean well there’s nice cities like SIA cool.

CT: [OV] [UI]

CHS: SIA is great. Is that the lights, zoo lights?

CT: Oh that’s the zoo?

CHS: Yeah that’s Lincoln Park Zoo, dude.

CT: Oh yeah.

CHS: [OV] [Humming] [Laughs]

CT: [UI] animals.

CHS: We’ll fucking go to [laughs]

CT: There’s no way the animals are alive right now [UI].

CHS: Where the fuck are the polar bears.

CT: Yeah, but what do they do with like the lions and all that stuff?
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CHS: They, they transfer them to another zoo or they put them in some…they, they
have, they have like…

CT: [UI] heaters?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Well that’s true.

CHS: I don’t think they have lions here at this zoo. It’s a small zoo.

CT: Have you been there?

CHS: A long time ago. There’s a lot of Pokemon there, I hear.

[Laughter]

CT: Yeah. Do you play that?

CHS: Um, soI’m [UI] I don’t see why it wouldn’t be legit but like don’t, don’t, –

CT: [OV] [UI].

CHS: -- don’t say anything to anybody like outside…like if someone reached out to you
from a fucking foreign government, like that’s some big, you know, that’s some
big shit like…

CT: Yeah but that’s like some weird third world [UI] I don’t even know what the hell
that is, you know.

CHS: They want to be your friend because they think you can do things for them.

CT: Yeah but that’s weird of saying that like I heard the future [UI]it’s like a goofy
thing to say [UI].

CHS: [OV] And did you ask who was your mutual friend?

CT: [OV][UI] I [UI] I said--

CHS: Look it up. We, we’ll--

CT: Yep.

CHS: --see if they sent you back…how long ago was this?

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CT: Like two hours ago.

CHS: What time is it over there? Way too fucking early or too late.

CT: It’s late.

CHS: Like two, three o’clock in the morning over there?

CT: [UI]. Yeah that was so bizarre. And then, ah, I messaged him like who said that
question mark. I didn’t get a response.

CHS: All these fucking malakas.

CT: Believe me it’s…

CHS: And what was his name?

CT: I don’t know. Ron, Ron or something.

CHS: Ron-Ron. [Chuckles] [makes noise].

CT: [UI] things. I don’t know, manwe’ll see. God willing I have [UI]. Until I hear it
from the horse’s mouth and it’s in mypocket, you know.

CHS: When…like…the, a fucking short time span. Like someone’s got to fucking say
something soon.

CT: Well this month for sure. Next month, or early next month. Because, um, I mean
I’m obviously not going thru the, the regular process where, you know, where you
just send in a resumé and they look at it in two years from now. So we’ll see I

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mean it’s, ah…but then what I was told was whoever’s accepted literally gets a
team of four people they can bring on.

CHS: And who’s your four people?

CT: You and same manager.

CHS: You’re thinking of bringing Dan on? [Chuckles] He’s not going to leave his
grocery store.

CT: Oh man. In the end I mean he’s…

CHS: What do you think of SIA [PH]? Like two Palestin-…oh you can’t have two,
ah, Palestinians. You got to have three Israelis on one Palestinian,--

CT: SIA

CHS: --let’s even it out.

CT: SIA What’s SIA up to?

CHS: Fucking jerking off, buying and selling houses.

CT: No he’s not. He’s a real estate agent?

CHS: Yeah he actually works with a Greek guy.

CT: [OV] I remember that.

CHS: He’s--

CT: That was years ago though.

CHS: Well he’s still working with a Greek guy and he’s like the Greek guy’s got money
so they’ll go to auctions and they’ll, ah, buy foreclosures, flip them around, sell
them. The other, the other day he was on the phone with Chanequa [PH] and, uh,
he goes…

CT: Chanequa.

CHS: Yeah. He goes--

CT: Chanequa. [Laughs]

CHS: --if you leave by Saturday at noon, we’ll give you $1,500 dollars. If you leave
next Saturday, you get $700. And three weeks from today if you don’t leave, then
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we’re going to get the sheriff and we’re going to kick your ass out. She’s like no
no no I’ll leave, I’ll, I’ll be out by Saturday. Done.

CT: SIA [PH].

CHS: SIA

CT: [Laughing] SIA So he, that’s what he’s doing. Does he get any money? Like
how does he [UI]…

CHS: Yeah. He, he makes money off each and every deal I think a certain percentage.

[Music in background]

CT: So he’s making good money then.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: That’s an interesting job then.

CHS: And he, ah, his friend just went to Greece, um, and…

CT: This partner you mean?

CHS: Yeah. And, ah, he…his friend went from Greece because my cousin went to
SIA , to go visit his wife who is finishing college out there.

CT: Didn’t they divorce?

CHS: And then-- no. His new wife.

CT: He has a new wife?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Wait, hold on a second. He’s been married SIA .

CHS: Yeah.

CT: This is his SIA wife?

CHS: Yeah. No, SIA

CT: Oh my gosh. So he’s married again?

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CHS: Uh huh. And, ah, she’s going…she’s finishing up her degree out there and then
she’s coming back but he went to go visit her over, ah, the past couple months
and, ah…this friend…

CT: Well she lives in SIA

CHS: Well her family does but she lives here now. I mean she’s been here for like SIA
or SIA months and she went back to go get her, finish her degree. Um, so his
friend, I think his name’s Tom. I don’t know a fucking SIA named Tom.

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Whatever he, ah, he went to go to SIA , and he loved it out there.
They went down to SIA

CT: [OV] Why’d he go?

CHS: It’s fucking beautiful. He just wanted to visit. I want a house over here.

CT: Look at that, huh?

CHS: Right here. This is where I want a fucking house.

CT: You could afford it, too, man.

CHS: I can afford it?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: Malaka I can’t…

CT: [UI] like $300,000.

CHS: Here? [Laughs]

CT: For one [UI].

CHS: You’re talking $750,000 for a one bedroom.

CT: No.

CHS: Oh yeah. In this little fucking corridor right here, dude?

CT: You’re serious?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Seven fifty.

CHS: You can’t fucking touch this shit.

CT: Seven fifty?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: I thought it was like 300 for a one bedroom down there.

CHS: Uh-uh. I hope there’s [UI].


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CT: Yeah.

CHS: Perfect. [Laughs] I’m never taken this [UI].

CT: So what’s the Trump Tower one bedroom like three million? Two hundred, two
million, what?

CHS: You could get. There’s a, there’s some up there for 650 actually. We were
looking, me and my cousin, but if you paid $35,000 a year you can have, ah, ah
hotel-like maid service come and clean your fucking house every day.

CT: Every day?

CHS: Yeah. That’s perfect. Like imagine like someone coming in cleaning your house,
doing your laundry.

CT: Dude, that’s amazing. And laundry?

CHS: Yeah for $35,000 a year. You fucking get a wife for that.

CT: Shit. That’s like--

CHS: I don’t know it might be cheaper to get a fucking maid.

CT: That’s like basketball player [UI].

CHS: You can get a concubine.

CT: So, so…so what are you guys looking to do over there with the six fi-, with ah,
Trump Tower?

CHS: We wanted fucking…we’re, we were thinking about buying a place in there but…

CT: What happened?

CHS: [Yelling] Who the hell has that kind of money? No one’s got that fucking kind of
money.

CT: But, but you…then, couldn’t you have done like the first time buyer thing like
you did [UI].

CHS: [OV] It’s not an investment for me.

CT: Yeah well you could, you could have [UI].

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CHS: [OV] My SIA paying its, for itself, almost, so I mean that’s, that’s an
investment. This I would just be paying fucking $4,000 a month just for me to
live there.

CT: Wow.

CHS: That doesn’t make sense. Your mortgage is going to be four grand a month on
that.

CT: Wow.

[Thumping noises]

CHS: Anything quarter, ah, three-quarters of a million dollars. That’s at least $4,000.

CT: Four thousand a month.

CHS: You buy a million dollar place…shit how much you paying? Maybe $6000-
$7000 a month, if not more.

CT: Whoa man [UI]. That’s like you got to be making…I’ll tell you exactly how
much you got to be making gross for that. You’ve got to be making about
$105,000 just…

CHS: Just for your mortgage.

CT: …all your salary would go to your…

CHS: Mm-hmm. Do you know Stevie B [PH]?

CT: No.

CHS: No one knows Stevie B?

CT: Who is this?

CHS: Oh my God.

CT: Wait. It’s some 80s right here.

CHS: Mm-hmm. None of this fucking shit show.

CT: Why is it so packed? We’re going to get some good deals out hear so I’m…

CHS: We’re lucky if we find parking. Too many malakas out here.

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CT: [Chuckling] Too many malakas around. So the deal, they must still got a lot of
deals.

CHS: Yeah yeah. Um…so you’re going to have like Satur-, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
off or you got meetings Friday, Saturday, and Sunday?

CT: I just, I’m busy December 1 to 3 and then I’m free…

CHS: Oh.

CT: …until…

CHS: I’ll stay, I’ll stay until the fourth and then I’ll leave like later on that night.

CT: Okay tonight I’m going to, supposed to know.

CHS: If we’re stuck in traffic, I’m playing Pokemon.

CT: You play some [UI]--

CHS: [OV] I-I-I actually just play for my, ah –

CT: [OV] We got our ass kicked [UI] last night, man.

CHS: -- little cousin because… Yeah.

CT: What the fuck was that? I didn’t win a single hand. At least you won. You were
up one.

CHS: I won and then I lost.

CT: I lost a 150 bucks, no 250 bucks. The hundred you gave me and the 150 I had on
me.

CHS: You know what I tell them?

[Horn honks]

CT: You can’t go there during the day I guess. You got to go like when there’s action.

CHS: Yeah. You know what I tell them. I say don’t, don’t rape us unless you’re
wearing a condom.

CT: [Laughs].

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CHS: And then one of the dealers said, ah, first of all if I’m going to rape you, you think
I’m going to wear a condom.

[Laughter]

CHS: I’m like yeah, okay.

[Horn honks]

CT: Shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

CHS: Too many of these malakas out here.

CT: [UI].

CHS: They don’t know how to drive.

CT: Too many malakas, man. Vegas must be cool though, huh?

CHS: Yeah let’s do it, man.

CT: I’m coming with you for sure.

[Horn honking]

CT: How, is it expensive out there?

CHS: I get a free hotel room. The only thing we’ll have to pay for is the flight.

CT: Hm. You got a free hotel room, huh?

CHS: Mm-hmm. Any time I got to Vegas.

CT: [OV] How do you get these perks, man?

CHS: Did you sign up at the…Horseshoe like I told you to?

CT: No.

CHS: Next time sign up and get their player’s card.

CT: And what does that do?

CHS: You get free hotel shit.

CT: [OV] [UI]…


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CHS: They have Atlantic City or Vegas…

CT: …frequent player’s card, sir. I said no.

CHS: Yeah. Get a player’s card. Don’t be a malaka. Get a player’s card.

CT: So what’d they give you good benefits like how, like how does it work?

CHS: The more you spend obviously the more perks that they, they give you –

CT: [OV] Yeah.

CHS: -- but I mean generally just great fucking perks and customer service is excellent.
This is a shit show. Oh my god! You really want to go shopping in this shit?

CT: Hell yeah. This is the best time to go shopping.

CHS: All these malakas.

CT: [UI] these brothers; they’re all broke out here. They got no money. Just walking
around, they’re motherfuckers. You know I definitely would rather be a multi-
millionaire and live to 40 then to be a middle class person ‘til 85.

CHS: Really?

CT: Yeah, you know, because I truly believe quality over quantity and things. I think
life should be about quality, you know. What’s the point of just getting by and

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you’re just like…I want to enjoy life, man. You know, I don’t want to have
money when I’m 60 and be like a creaky old man –

CHS: [OV] Exactly. You want to drive a Ferrari when you’re 60 and you’re…

CT: Yeah. No, no one gives a fuck…like what you’re doing at that age. You know
you’re just like a creepy like old guy. What are you going to do go to a strip club
and…

CHS: Be an old fuck.

[Music in background]

CHS: [Singing]

CT: [Singing]

CHS: Too many malakas. [Chuckles]

CT: Have you ever shaved your head?

CHS: Yeah I did that in SIA I’ll never do that again.

CT: Why?

CHS: I missed my hair.

CT: What, you didn’t like it? Was it weird, huh?

CHS: My, ah…

CT: [UI] I don’t think I would do it…

CHS: My, ah, my girlfriend at the time she was like, ah, she said her-her-her cousin was
just like, I don’t know, she was just weird, fat, ugly little girl. She was like he

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looks like Justin Timberlake now. I’m like after that I was like that’s fucking
creepy. I didn’t look nothing like Justin Timberlake. I’m not even fuck—

CT: [Laughing] [OV] She said you’re Justin Timberlake?

CHS: How the fuck do I look like Justin Timberlake. No way in fuck.

CT: Was he, was he bald, Justin Timberlake?

CHS: He not bald. But like we got that vibe like, oh, man, like a fresh, you know, fresh
new look. I’m like okay do I…pull off that vibe maybe I can get myself an acting
job.

CT: You popstar.

CHS: [UI]?

CT: Did you know when he died? How old do you think he was when he died?

CHS: Oh what is…

CT: [OV] Twenty-five.

CHS: No, he’s got to be…

CT: [OV] And he looked 35 didn’t he?

CHS: Thirty…

CT: Nope. Twenty-five.

CHS: I didn’t think it was 30. He was 25 years old?

CT: That’s right.

CHS: No.

CT: Yeah. He looks 35.

CHS: Google it. I don’t believe you.

CT: [OV] [UI]see what the fuck [UI].

CHS: Too many malakas. [Laughs]

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CT: Look they’re doing street patrol over here. They never do that on the South Side.
I think my wisdom tooth is coming out, dude.

CHS: By itself?

CT: I don’t know, man. It hurts.

CHS: I’m fucking starving.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Hm?

CT: [UI].

CHS: Who?

CT: I’m singing. Potholes breaking loose down here. I heard that there was a lot of
protesting and shit downtown yesterday.

CHS: For what?

CT: Black lives matter. They were breaking stores and preventing people from
shopping.

CHS: Who was?

CT: Black lives matter.

CHS: Were they?

CT: Mm-hmm.

CHS: That’s garbage.

[Fart noise]

CT: Oh.

CHS: Did you just fart?

CT: Nope.

CHS: You fucking malaka.

[Window noise]
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CT: Oh my God.

CHS: You sick motherfucker. You couldn’t open a window.

CT: I got two [UI]. What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.

CHS: When are we going to Russia?

CT: That’s somewhere I definitely want to go to.

CHS: While you’re in Greece, let’s go to fucking Russia.

CT: Well you can only go like three days at a time, man. It’s like…if you could have
done like a week, then I would have actually gone with you. Can’t do two things
in three days.

CHS: I mean I could take…not this week. I could take next week off.

CT: If you could take a week off I’d go with you to Russia, I’m serious.

CHS: What the fuck we going to do there?

CT: Well I think you need a visa which takes a while.

CHS: What the fuck are we going to do in Russia, though?

CT: Check it out. Russia’s--

CHS: [OV] You got any friends that you’re going to go visit? They take care of us,
show us around?

CT: Well unfortunately not. Do you?

CHS: Ah…I slept with this some girl in the SIA . She was Russian.

CT: No you didn’t.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Where’d you go? SIA

CHS: Yeah went to SIA and she was out there. I’m like she didn’t speak any
English.

CT: By herself.
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CHS: And I didn’t speak any Russian and we went out there and I don’t know it fucking
worked out. We fucked for 12 hours straight. I have no fucking idea --

CT: [OV] No you didn’t.

CHS: I didn’t have no Viagra.

CT: No you didn’t.

CHS: I swear.

CT: Have you ever taken Viagra?

CHS: Nope. I don’t need it. I am a f…

CT: [Laughs] God help us if we need [UI].

CHS: [OV] [Laughing] Fucking give me a Viagra now. Man, get the fuck outta here.

CT: You know guys take it like in their 20s. I don’t know what that’s about.

CHS: Women don’t know how to fucking be attractive to men anymore.

CT: I think porn is destroying people, isn’t it?

CHS: Yep, porn.

CT: Porn’s really like just messed up, man.

CHS: Do you watch a lot of porn?

CT: No.

CHS: Just only a little bit?

CT: Not at all actually.

CHS: Why not?

CT: I don’t like to.

CHS: You don’t like it? I mean how do you get…you got to get ideas on what –

CT: [OV] It’s…

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CHS: -- you know, how to do stuff.

CT: …You, you know what you got to do, man.

CHS: You got to put it in.

CT: It’s pretty natural. It’s either you know what you do or you don’t. You can’t
learn anything. Ah like I said with the porn thing it just like takes away from like
the nice feeling.

CHS: Yeah keep, keep your mind, ah, sanitary.

CT: Because then you could, because then you could actually thinking about the porno
as you’re doing…like sex.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Which is retarded.

CHS: I mean sometimes, right?

CT: Staind, man.

[Song starts]

CHS: This fucking old stuff.

CT: Oh man. Bring you back to high school days, man. [Singing with song] It’s been
a while. I didn’t know you liked Staind.

CHS: I got a whole bunch of stuff.

CT: [OV] [UI].

CHS: I need to go through my library and like delete shit.

CT: Pokemon. Did you get money from that, Pokemon stuff?

CHS: No but it gives my, ah, little cousin some joy because when I’m, when I go
downtown I get Pokemon that he doesn’t get in the suburbs.

CT: Oh.

CHS: And he loves it. He thinks it’s fucking great. I really don’t, I don’t play for
myself I just play for him, you know. Christmas shopping.

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CT: Oh yeah.

CHS: Don’t even celebrate Christmas.

[Laughter]

CT: Shit, well what are they showing me?

CHS: You know when I went to, ah, SIA and SIA last year?

CT: Do you like it over there?

CHS: Yeah it’s, I, I,I’m indifferent about SIA man.

CT: Why?

CHS: It is fucking boring.

CT: It is, right?

CHS: There’s, what’s the, the food is not all that great unless you got like $10,000 to go
to fucking…[laughing].

CT: [OV] You got $10,000 euros.

CHS: Yeah. You got to go to Limo Reese [PH] to go eat.

CT: [OV] Yeah there’s, there’s no taste. There’s no taste. There’s no taste.

CHS: What. Ah..

CT: I went to Ellwood’s [PH] today and ate, man. Have you ever been there?

CHS: No. What’s that?

CT: In Lincolnwood [PH], it’s like a really nice…little place. Anyway, so yeah what
happened?

CHS: Ah…

CT: From SIA the food just sucks.

CHS: Yeah well there was a bunch of Syrian, ah, refugees just hanging out on the
streets.

CT: What?
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CHS: And like…yeah. On SIA [PH] and like you’d see these fucking ritzy ass
Arabs Muslims people covered like, you know, head to toe, you know, Muslims.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: And, uh, like they would pass them up without even looking at them, man.

CT: No way.

CHS: Yeah. I’m like these are your fucking people. Why don’t you be help them out,
you know.

CT: Well I know they--

CHS: They’re walking around with fucking bags, Louis Vuitton, and they don’t want to
give these guys five dollars.

CT: [OV] They held a Louis Vuitton, they had all the Louis Vuitton.

CHS: Yeah Louis Vuitton and all this fucking [UI] well everything on SIA

CT: Is it still like a classy city or has it become kind of scummy? Like--

CHS: SIA

CT: --[OV] London’s becoming a little scummy though.

CHS: Ah…London’s quite scummy.

CT: It is, isn’t it?

CHS: All I- I think it’s just fucking destroyed from like all…I wouldn’t say it’s
immigrants but, man, I-I think like a lot of people, poor people that come out
there, they don’t know how to take care of shit.

CT: What do you mean?

CHS: It is your immigrants, but it’s not all of them. Like there’s a lot of hardworking
immigrants, just like there are here, but like do, say you go to the Cicero [PH].
Like half of them are immigrants and half of them have been here for a while like

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some of them, you know, Am-American, Mexican-Americans. And then like
their lawns are well kept, their houses are very beautiful, and then you--

CT: [UI]

CHS: --go to the other part of Cicero--

CT: Uh-huh.

CHS: --and it’s like shit.

CT: Immigrants are dirty you’re saying?

CHS: I wouldn’t say all of them but man like there’s some upkeep and like…they just
neglect.

CT: Did you know Chicago has the second most Mexicans in the country behind LA?

CHS: Chicago does?

CT: Did you know that? Yeah.

CHS: I thought Texas would.

CT: No. That’s what I thought, too, but it’s Chicago.

CHS: Like Houston [yawning]. They got to be fucking…there’s got to be a lot more
than…well un-undocumented or documented?

CT: Well like…undocumented and, you know, whatever that means. But I wonder
why they got, they all fucking [UI].

CHS: You don’t know what that means? People who are here with pap –

CT: [OV] No, no. I said I don’t know if they’re documented--

CHS: Oh.

CT: --or undocumented.

CHS: [Sighs] Too many fucking malakas.

CT: [Singing] …I could…head up high. It’s been a while since I said I’m sorry.
[Song ends] Do you think Chicago will ever catch up to New York in terms of
like buildings.

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CHS: Yeah. I mean did you not see the, it was an…I don’t know if it was a Chinese
company, some Asian bought out a lot of land in East Lakeview.

CT: [OV] They did?

CHS: --And they’re making, yeah. They’re making a tower just as big as Hancock if
not this like in between Hancock and, ah, Trump Tower.

CT: Nice.

CHS: So there’s going to be a big change with our, ah, skyline. It’s just going to look
awkward though because it’s going to be fairest fuck north you’re going to see
this big-ass building just pop up...

CT: Oh so it’s far, huh? Lakeview.

[Music playing in background]

CT: SIA man.

CHS: [UI] [Singing]

CT: I like how SIA sounds actually.

CHS: You do?

CT: I think it’s a nice lang--

CHS: SIA

CT: Yeah it’s cool, I think.

CHS: SIA

CT: I think it’s a very beautiful language.

CHS: I think it, it depends on who sings. SIA

CT: [UI] is really going for lunch [UI] is coming in.

CHS: Who?

CT: This guy he [UI] coming in [UI] in the U.S.

CHS: Oh yeah you were saying that.

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CT: Yeah, he’s coming tomorrow. He’s going to fly into Chicago just for a couple of
hours.

CHS: Just for a couple of hours?

CT: Yeah. [UI]…

CHS: [OV] [UI].

CT: Not, not from Israel, he’s in the US--

CHS: [OV] Oh I was going to say.

CT: No, no. I, I would, I just told him dude you’re crazy. I don’t care how many
times I fly, man, it always wears me out.

[Music]

CT: You’re telling me that doesn’t sound beautiful.

CHS: SIA

CT: I-I was actually dating a girl, the numb-, the assistant to the number three Israeli
Embassy.

CHS: You were dating?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: Assistant?

CT: She was the assistant.

CHS: What the fuck you were dating her for?

CT: She was probably was Mossad and that, that’s why she took a [UI].

CHS: Oh yeah?

CT: You know. I-I think.

CHS: Fem fatale?

CT: Could be.

CHS: What was her name?


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the funniest thing in the world. Like Christian versus Muslim, Jew versus
Buddhist all this. It’s really funny.

CHS: SIA .

CT: SIA How do you say SIA [sic]? How do you say, how are you?

CHS: [Laughs] SIA [mimicking CT].

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: SIA [PH].

CT: What are you going to say, SIA and tell them that I’m Mossad [laughing].

CHS: Yeah we’re going to go fucking see Mossad right now.

CT: That’s f- [laughing].

CHS: You didn’t fucking date no fucking…

CT: I swear it.

CHS: No you fucking didn’t.

CT: I swear when I was in D.C. and [UI].

CHS: You’ve got more stories than my grandfather. [Laughs]

CT: It was four month thing. Well we’re still like friends, I guess but…I-I’m pretty
sure that they knew that…what was going on though, you know, and they were
just like using her like to bait me.

[Car stops]

CT: She was really cool, she moved back to Israel actually I think [UI].

CHS: To bait you? To bait you for what?

CT: Just to get info, man, I don’t know.

CHS: What kind of fucking info they fucking want from you?

CT: [UI].

CHS: You advertise like you got all this fucking info. You ain’t got shit.
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[Car doors shutting]

[Walking]

CT: [UI].

CHS: You’re a little fucking James Bond, aren’t you?

CT: Look at this girl, added me on Facebook.

CHS: Ah…I want to see her in the flesh.

CT: Oh, all right.

CHS: I don’t want to fucking…

CT: Look, ah…

CHS: Who the fuck is that?

CT: Turkish Cypriot girl, man.

CHS: Turkish Cypriots?

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: [Laughs] [UI], man.

CHS: Oh I can’t park there.

CT: Why?

CHS: It says no parking.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: I can park here though.

CT: [Laughs]

[Beeping]

[Car doors banging]


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[Car starts]

[Beeping]

CHS: No parking.

[Music]

[Beeping]

[Car doors banging]

[Walking]

CT: SIA

CHS: Huh? SIA I’m fucking starving.

CT: [UI]. [Laughing] You make your SIA sound good though.

CHS: In comparison to SIA

CT: Yes.

CHS: Yes. Because SIA has a lot more [making noise].

CT: Yeah but how about when they speak like fucked up French people [laughing].

CHS: Like fucked up what?

CT: French people.

CHS: Yeah, oh man. The Israelis…

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: [Mimics accent] No don’t go over there. Don’t go over there.

CT: [Laughing] I thought I was the only one who thought that.

CHS: Lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo.

CT: [Laughing] Those fucking French people…will go for the [UI]. [Laughing]

CHS: Fucked up French people.


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CT: [Laughing] [UI] been doing so good. What’s this oh it’s, TPE .

CHS: That’s world famous fried chicken. It’s not…


TPE
CT: It sounds Greek. is a Greek name.

CHS: No.

CT: Yeah. It has to be Greek.

CHS: It started in TPA .

CT: Yeah?

[Crowd noises]

CHS: Actually in TPA . We’ll just grab a seat. Do you want to sit here or
here?

CT: You choose.

CHS: Let’s sit at a big table. We’re big boys. Let’s sit at the big table. I got to take a
piss.

CT: Oh.

CHS: I’ll be right back. Sorry.

UM: Excuse me.

[Music]

[Bathroom noises]

[Water running]

[Dryer blowing]

[Walking]

CHS: Best fucking fried chicken in the world.

CT: [UI] that?

CHS: Best fried chicken in the world.


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CT: I want some grilled then because I eat--

CHS: They don’t have grilled chicken.

CT: Yeah they do.

CHS: No they don’t.

CT: They got to have something.

CHS: If they do I’ll be surprised.

CT: [Talking with accent] [UI] over there. [UI].

CHS: [Talking with accent] Look over there. Really? Really? You’re going to do me
like this, Crossfire Typhoon?

CT: That’s exactly how they talk. That’s exactly how they talk, it’s so funny.

CHS: Do you ever watch, ah…

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: …uh, Ray Donovan [PH]?

CT: What is that Lufthansa shirt? Looks like a Lufthansa logo over here.

CHS: Lufthansa?

CT: You know like the German, [UI]?

CHS: Ah no it’s, ah, Swedish. Fiara Ravin [PH].

CT: Is it? Where’d you get it?

CHS: Fiara Ravin in, ah…Wicker Park.

CT: Yeah?

CHS: All the, ah, all the little, ah…

CT: Oh is that the backpack brand?

CHS: Uh-huh.

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CT: I always see that. That’s what, that’s a…

CHS: [OV] That’s, they have…

CT: That’s a Swedish brand?

CHS: I think Swedish, ah, I know it’s Nordic. Scandinavian. Scandinavian.

CT: That’s a really popular brand. I always see it everywhere. That’s…

CHS: Those backpacks are nice especially if you’re traveling you just throw you a
couple shit, you know, [UI] shit in.

CT: [OV] Where’s the bathroom?

CHS: Right over there.

[Background conversations/music]
TPE
CT: This has to be Greek, man. Has to be.

CHS: [In accent] It comes from the Greek word TPA .

CT: [OV] [UI] TPA .

CHS: Okra it comes from the Greek word okravos.

CT: Sheesh. Yeah I texted him about the ticket. Let me see what he said [UI].
Because they’re paying for me it’s like ideal, you know.

CHS: Did you tell them business class or no class?

CT: First class or no class.

CHS: Shh.

[Background conversations]

CT: Alright here’s the…oh. I found my ticket, first class on the departure flight and
business class return $4,375.

CHS: Did he buy it for you or you got to buy it and they reimburse?

CT: I ain’t buying shit. That’s what…and I said well he said I found it and I’m going
to let you know and we’re, we’re going to book it tonight; $4,375. I’ve never
flown first class.
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CHS: No? It’s amazing.

CT: B-business class I have but not first class.

CHS: First class I, it there’s not that big of a difference.

CT: No? As long as I have a bathroom that’s all I give a shit about. Because I want to
be able to sleep because…

CHS: It’s going to be an overnight flight. Don’t take the…there’s some stupid flights
that leave here like 9:00 in the morning and get to London at like at 10:00 at
night. That’s a waste of your day.

CT: What a waste of a day. No but because I got to stop in Frankfurt.

CHS: Oh okay.

CT: There’s no direct flight to Greece. Maybe New York,Athens, I think. Did you
know there’s a direct flight Chicago, Istanbul?

CHS: On what airline?

CT: Turkish Airline.

CHS: Oh okay. Yeah I could see that.

CT: Yeah but…[UI] I think you can like United, too. [UI] normally is. While I have
to fly eight hours or so to get into Frankfurt…

CHS: Yeah.

CT: …and you will, too, if we get this. And then I think it’s two and a half hours
Frankfurt to Thessaloniki.

CHS: It’s direct Thessaloniki, Frankfurt, really?

CT: Yeah. Because it’s, I mean it’s, ah, a hub, you know. Thessaloniki’s a, it’s the
second biggest city in the country. So it’s not like a little…little village, you

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know. They got flights coming in all the time but nothing direct from America
obviously. What are you going to get here?

CHS: Two piece white. If it ain’t white…

CT: It ain’t right.

CHS: That’s right. Ah and then a large fry. It comes with beans and slaw. But…

CT: I want a breast but I want it to be grilled because I’m on that [UI].

CHS: They don’t, they don’t grill it.

CT: Are you kidding me?

CHS: It’s fried chicken only. Take off the breading.

CT: That’s it, huh? Is it good though, I mean?

CHS: Hm?

CT: How good is it, really?

CHS: It is the best fried chicken in the world.

CT: [OV] [UI] only one breast though that’s all I want.

CHS: That’s it?

CT: I-I-I had a big turkey [UI] before I [UI].

CHS: Malaka.

CT: Two hours before.

CHS: Why don’t you get, get a side of something, too.

CT: Yeah I’m going to get a side of [UI]. In fact, what kind of greens they got? I
want some greens.

CHS: Collard greens.

CT: Spring greens. That’s exciting.

CHS: Do you want a beer?

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CT: [UI] or should I leave it like this?

CHS: Leave it like that.

CT: You sure? I was thinking about doing a short [UI].

CHS: Do a side, yeah. Keep the top…

CT: [OV] Yeah that’s what I mean, leave the top on me but the sides I want to do
short, right? Like your’s but the short.

CHS: You drinking a beer?

CT: Maybe I’ll, maybe afterwards, afterwards we’ll go somewhere else.

CHS: Well let’s go get a, let’s go get a glass of wine in Nordstrom’s.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: We can walk around with wine over there.

CT: [UI]

CHS: [Mimics accent] Where is the lady with the order?

CT: How did you find out about this place?

CHS: My first time in SIA …it, it actually started in TPA/SIA , and I went
to their original one. There is, it is a shithole. It…like I’ve been to white sticks
where there’s only white people and it’s like, like you’re in the boons. Like there

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CHS: Three hours later we get some fucking service here.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: What cologne are you wearing?

CT: Actually one I might get, so it’s like a sample.

UF: Hi guys.

CHS: Hi.

UF: How you doing?

CT: Great.

CHS: We’re good. You ready to take our order? We’re starving.

UF: Yeah. Were you guys waiting over here--

CHS: Yeah.

UF: --for a while?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Yeah.

UF: It’s not us. I would have gotten that.

CT: Thank God [UI].

UF: Sorry you were waiting a while.

CHS: That’s alright. That’s alright.

UF: We’ll get it in quick for you. What you having today?

CHS: I’ll have two piece white with the beans and slaw.

UF: Okay.

CHS: With the white bread. And then a large, ah, fry with the extra seasoning for me.

UF: Sure. Okay, how about for you?

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CHS: You guys don’t, you guys don’t have grilled chicken, right?

UF: No.

CHS: [OV] See? Told you.

UF: Just, just the one, yeah.

CT: I’ll just get two breasts.

UF: Okay.

CHS: Why don’t you do…

UF: Just a snack, like a white snack.

CT: [UI]

CHS: [OV] Do the---

UF: You can just do the chicken or you can do a plate with the plate comes with beans
and slaw.

CHS: Do that.

CT: Yeah let me do that [UI].

UF: You want to do that? I can do two breasts with beans and slaw.

CT: Yeah that’s good.

UF: Perfect. How ‘bout something to drink, guys?

CT: Actually instead of the coleslaw can you put greens on there?

UF: Yeah of course.

CT: Let’s do that instead of [UI].

UF: They’re so good.

CT: They’re good, huh?

UF: Mm-hmm.

CT: Yeah I saw that and I thought…


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UF: Oh my goodness.

CT: Umm…

UF: We got 40 ounces for six bucks? If you want to get real gangster with it?

CHS: No I don’t want to get gangster.

CT: You going to get gangster?

UF: [Laughs] And then you can do, we do, um--

CHS: Get really gangster.

UF: --for six dollars [UI] beer and a shot you choose from any of those beers and then
we can do whiskey or rum.

CHS: Do you want to do a shot? I’m gon- not, I’ll just do a beer but I won’t do a shot.

UF: Sure.

CT: I’ll have a shot. Get a beer, and I’ll have a shot.

CHS: What do you want to do a shot of?

UF: On tap there’s [UI].

CHS: That’s what I want. I’ll take that.

CT: Ah let me have the IPA instead.

UF: Yeah.

CHS: Like two shots and, uh, two IPAs.

UF: [OV] Two hashies and two [UI].

CHS: A little whiskey.

CT: What the hell.

UF: Whiskey, right?

CHS: Yeah.

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UF: Perfect. Sorry you guys were waiting a while.

CT: [UI] fried chicken [UI].

CHS: It’s free right?

UF: We’re worth it.

CT: [Laughs]

UF: Yeah. In a perfect world.

[Laughter]

UF: My name’s TPN

CHS: Thanks, TPN Cheers.

CT: Crossfire Typhoon and CHS.

UF: What’s that?

CT: Crossfire Typhoon and CHS.

UF: Hello, Crossfire Typhoon and CHS. Nice to meet you guys. Happy post-
Thanksgiving.

CT: [OV] Or [UI]because I don’t know what you call yourself.

CHS: Whatever you want to call me, baby.

CT: Let me see your I.D.?

CHS: SIA

CT: [Laughs] [UI] was normal.

CHS: Huh?

CT: How did you change your date?

CHS: I didn’t want to fucking have…

CT: [UI] then.

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CHS: Do you Google that shit? Like you see nothing but like pictures of like, ah,
mugshots…

CT: [Laughs] Yellow.

CHS: No. You see mugshots of like my uncles--

CT: No you don’t.

CHS: --my cousins, yeah yeah yeah.

CT: No you don’t. You do not. Uncle. [Laughs]

CHS: SIA .

CT: Okay, how did you SIA

CHS: You just go and SIA . Thank you.

UF: [UI].

CHS: How do you say cheers in Greek?

CT: Yamas [PH].

CHS: Yamas.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Saha [PH].

CT: There we go.

CHS: Saha. Sadem. [PH].

CT: Tastes like a iced tea.

CHS: Iced tea, you have no taste buds. It’s an IPA.

CT: No I said it’s so smooth, it’s like an iced tea.

CHS: Oh.

[Non-pertinent background conversation]

CHS: Where the hell’s this made?


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CT: In Chicago?

CHS: No. Atlanta, Georgia.

UF: Those sections are nice, right?

CHS: What kind of, ah whiskey is this?

UF: [UI] in your eye. Sorry. You got a good one.

CT: It’s alright.

UF: Like a $15 deal for six buds.

CHS: Ooh!

CT: Is that right?

UF: Yeah. Cheers.

CHS: That’s nice and smooth. It’s got a kick when it starts and then it goes down
smooth. Nice. So if you had a chance to build your team what, what exactly
would I…say you got a position, what exactly would that position entail? What
would like I be doing…how would I like…

CT: I, I don’t jump at the Chief of Staff Will Cravis [PH] and you would be working
with the Chief of Staff in the White House. You would be his assistant.

CHS: But like doing what?

CT: I don’t know. Assistant to the Chief of Staff in the White House lobbying for shit
[UI]. Probably like organizing his meetings with other leaders, ah…congress. I
mean a lot. I mean I don’t know I’d be lying if I told you. [UI] Chief of Staff at

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the White House. And that other shit, what the fuck does that even mean? Isn’t
that crazy? I would love to do that.

CHS: My grandma would fucking die happy. She voted…her and my grandfather voted
for Trump and they’re like you vote for Trump? You vote for Trump? I’m like
yes, Grandma, I voted for Trump.

CT: So I had to [UI]…

CHS: I mean like to me I’m sick, I’m sick of everyone fucking protesting. Like it is
what it is.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Calm the fuck down. Like the- no one’s going to, nothing’s going to change,
nothing’s going to be different…imagine if Obama didn’t win the first, ah, the
first election, like...

CT: Yeah but now they’re [UI] want to do a recount.

CHS: They’re not going to fucking do shit.

CT: Yeah, they are they’re doing it already.

CHS: Really?

CT: Yeah look it up. [UI] to start. He wants us to get rid of [UI].

[Background conversation]

CT: [UI] superstars and all that. I-I don’t see it.

CHS: I don’t like this reality shit. I don’t give a fuck about their lives. They’re not
giving me any money.

CT: [UI] go nuts.

CHS: People who fucking have nothing to do. I hate when like I’m walking into like a
conversation and someone’s talking about like…oh my God did you see what

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Kim Kardashian did…I want to smack them like do you not have a life. Like
what the fuck did you do this morning.

CT: [Laughing] [UI]

CHS: Is someone here, ah, coordinating your flight to Greece?

CT: He’s in New York. Oh I, I need to, I text him I said, ah, you know when the
ticket is confirmed please send to me so I have it in my folder. And he said okay I
will close it and sent it to you.

CHS: He’s so Greek. He’s such a fucking FOB.

CT: [Laughing] I will sent it to you. [Laughing] I will sent it to you. [Laughing]
Yeah, but once it’s confirmed that they do it because I don’t trust anything until
it’s in my pocket. Then [UI] –

CHS: [OV] Make sure I can go to meetings with you and shit because I’m not going to
fucking walk around Greece doing nothing by myself…

CT: [OV]That’s why I’m telling you.

CHS: …when I’ll go fucking[UI] I’ll go, I’ll go to meetings with you all day and then…

CT: That’s what I mean, I want to make sure that I know what’s going on before. I
don’t want you being stuck or anything. I want to say, no it’s my, it’s my city
[UI].

CHS: [OV] And so as soon as we’re done with meetings, I’m sure there’s going to be
plenty of time for fun.

CT: It’s fun.

CHS: Have dinners with some fucking, ah, Cypriots.

CT: [Laughing] It’s ama-…have you been [UI]? No.

CHS: No. I told you I was, I was, I was going to go in early January but…

CT: [OV] [UI].

CHS: …if I go now it’s fucking better. What’s the weather like in Thessaloniki like
here right now.

CT: Just like right now. Actually I have no idea. I don’t, I don’t think I’ve ever been
in the winter…since I was like a baby. But…
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CHS: Make sure they put you in a Hilton.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: Why don’t you just look it up on your weather app?

CT: It’s 51 degrees right now.

CHS: That’s not bad.

CT: Which is 2:00 a.m.

CHS: It’s like here.

CT: Bro, it’s like 20.

CHS: Man, but high almost 60 on one day. Wait Friday, Saturday, Sunday ah 50s that’s
alright.

CT: Yeah man that’s great weather.

CHS: That’s not bad.

CT: Wait a minute. What’s the weather here?

CHS: A little bit colder than that but it’s pretty much the same.

CT: It’s exactly the same. Huh. We’re having a un-[UI].

CHS: This is unbelievable. I love the weather, no snow. Well we saw snow but it
didn’t accumulate.

CT: When did you see snow?

CHS: A couple of days ago it snowed.

CT: Did it? Yeah.

CHS: But it was like as soon as it hit the ground it melted. It was just nothing. Sophia
Vergara, oh man.

CT: Look at her [UI].

CHS: She’s a Colombian--

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CT: No, she’s not Colombian.

CHS: She’s Colombian 100--

CT: [UI].

CHS: No, she’s Colombian.

CT: She’s Colombian?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Oh, man, she’s gorgeous.

CT: [UI] she look like that girl [UI].

CHS: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, ah, TPN

CT: What happened to her?

CHS: I tried looking…TPN [PH]. I tried looking her up. I can’t find her
on…because she’s not on social media or anything.

CT: TPN Are you sure [UI]? [UI]

[Shaker noise]

CHS: Fucking relax--

CT: I know, right?

CHS: --with an ice cold beer. I would just want fried chicken with it right now.

CT: [UI]

CHS: You can smoke in bars in D.C., yeah?

CT: [UI].

CHS: We’re just going to do…I-I want to enjoy Thessaloniki…like I want to go to


Athens eventually but like I want to enjoy one city at a time. I don’t want to go…

CT: Athens is only good like to go there for like a day and then go to the islands. It’s
not [UI].
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CHS: We got to go to the islands.

CT: [OV] [UI]. That’s this is summer. That’s this summer.

CHS: Mykonos. Yes, no.

CT: Let me show you a video from there. Hold on. I have it on my iPad, but let me
see if they’re connected on this thing.

CHS: I want to go to Pisa, dude.

CT: Yeah?

CHS: So if you’re going out there thru the 19th…is this Mykonos.

CT: Tel Aviv.

CHS: This is Tel Aviv?

CT: Listen, listen to the background. [UI] hold on. Listen listen.

[Music]

CT: [Laughing] Tel Aviv [UI].

UM: [Video] Tel Aviv 2014.

CHS: You’re a selfie whore.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: Did you just snapchat this shit, too?

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: Malaka.

CT: Malaka. Dude, they have the, the [UI].

CHS: Do you like looking at yourself? I would just take the scenic picture. I never take
a picture of myself.

[Laughing in background]

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CT: They have, they have a post [UI] you think about this. This isn’t, is this oud--
CHS: What is it though?

CT: It’s an oud. I think she got--


CHS: [OV] It’s a what?

CT: -- me maybe the wrong one. Oud.

CHS: Wow this is not oud.

CT: It’s not.

CHS: If it’s Tom Ford. Is it Tom Ford?

CT: No it’s not. It’s like a Paris brand, it’s at, it’s at Nordstrom’s.

CHS: Oh you know what this is? It’s, ah…

[Spraying noise]

CT: What is that?

CHS: It’s a, there, there’s another, ah…

CT: Is it oud?

CHS: There’s another company that makes oud. It’s a super intense and it’s great. It’s,
it’s about 250, ah, Aqua DeParma [PH].

CT: Oh yeah?

CHS: And…but they make, it smells like one of their other things that they made.
That’s not the oud. The oud’s like it’ll fucking blow you away.

CT: Is it nice though?

CHS: Oh man it’s great.

CT: Is it great?

CHS: Oh man. I have a bottle of that. That was 250 though.

CT: You have a bottle of it?

CHS: Mm-hmm.

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CT: Did you wear it? Do you have it on now?

CHS: No. I have Tuscan Leather on right now.

CT: Oh…that’s a great one.

CHS: It’s fucking awesome. There’s a--

CT: What’s that new [UI] Tom Ford that has leather in it? I’ll show you where to get
it. I actually used to have the Aqua DeParma and Tuscan Leather.

CHS: The Tuscan Leather one? Yeah Aqua DeParma’s fucking great, man. It’s a lot
less expensive than Tom Ford shit.

CT: [UI] really really pricey.

CHS: You fucking douse your- do you bathe in that shit?

CT: No, no it’s not [UI] broke or it had leaked in my luggage or something.

CHS: But I dont if, if it ever does that, I know Nordstrom’s will take it back. Neaman
Marcus will take it back.

CT: Does it really?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: But do we have Mossamo Duty [PH] here in the U.S.? Have you heard of that
brand? Mossamo Duty?

CHS: Uh-uh. That’s some cheap-ass wine right, they got right there. Uno Dos [PH].
It’s good but I mean it’s…

CT: Uno Dos?

CHS: …pretty inexpensive.

UM: I like it.

CHS: What’s, ah, what’s this Thessaloniki like, um…

CT: It’s a big, um, wow-ish place, wow-ish place. The place is like this.

CHS: I mean like, ah…like what are, what are they known for?

CT: It’s like, ah…


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CHS: Any food in particular any like…anything they make?

CT: It’s, it’s known as like the most beautiful like women in Greece.

CHS: No.

CT: It’s like, it’s like, ah…

CHS: Is there strip clubs…in Thessaloniki? I want to see some…

CT: It’s…no, it’s known for that. It’s the passion capital of Greece and it’s like, ah,
Hollywood over in Greece. All of it’s from there and music. It’s like a music,
fashion part of Greece while Athens is more known as politics and business so…

CHS: So you want to go down to Athens--

CT: [OV] Who cares? It’s a 20-minute flight.

CHS: --over the weekend?

CT: It’s literally 20 minutes.

CHS: But you’re going to be…you have third, fourth, fifth or wait--

CT: No.

CHS: --first, second--

CT: [OV] One, one to three I’m busy and then after that I’m free [UI].

CHS: So let’s go to Athens on the 4th and then I’ll fly out from Athens, ah, back home.

CT: Right let them book my thing today and then let’s do it. It’s literally a 20-minute
flight.

CHS: You know, like I want to fuck, I want, I want some, I want to fucking have some
fucking action out there.

CT: [UI] strip clubs [UI] I was actually just thinking about this [UI].

CHS: No I want, I want to fulfill like my Greek, my Greek, ah, my inner Greek-ness.
Like I want to…

CT: [UI] literally she works [UI].

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CHS: I don’t want to fucking suck their tits. You can fucking get herpes.

CT: But, but, but I’m just saying it’s like, it’s like no one’s bargain [UI]. Greece is
literally [UI] Greece. Like especially if they are like [UI] it’s really like eastern in
that sense, man. Do you hear what I’m saying? It’s really, like everybody

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smokes in buildings. I had a meeting with like some government guys. They’re
like you don’t mind if I smoke, right? Their smoke--

CHS: In the office?

CT: In their office. The gov-government people are smoking in their office. Imagine
like you go in the State Department and say would you mind if I smoke in the
here. It’s really bad for [UI]. Have you been to Turkey?

CHS: No.

CT: No, Turkey’s a [UI].

CHS: How fun. What, do you know anybody who’s…let’s go fucking Cypress.

CT: Cypress I’ve [UI] been to. Turkey I know [UI].

CHS: Where we going to have like…if I, say if I took two extra days off, Monday-
Tuesday, and we did, we did something, what would we do? I want to, I want to
fucking like, I want to get a feel for people…

CT: [OV] We’ll go to Athens. We got to go to Athens.

CHS: …I want to fucking meet people.

CT: We have to go to Athens.

CHS: Okay.

CT: [UI] malakas [UI].

CHS: When you, you said you were working on, ah, were you working in the Turkish
Embassy or you were working in the Israeli…not the Israeli Embassy.

CT: U.S. [UI] Cypress and head of Lebanon.

CHS: And U.S. in Cypress. You worked in Lebanon?

CT: Yeah like two months. I was in Beirut, 2012.

CHS: It’s fucking gorgeous isn’t it?

CT: Two thousand twelve.

CHS: I fucking love SIA man, that’s--

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CT: I drove, I dropped in a--

CHS: --[OV] a fucking gorgeous place.

CT: --Palestinian ref- I saw the Palestinian refugee camp there. I saw--

CHS: It looked like a slum doesn’t it?

CT: I saw UNIFIL [PH].

CHS: Did you see Fav-Favella’s [PH] you over…do you know what a Favella is?

CT: [UI] Brazil.

CHS: Yeah. It’s fucking what it looks like isn’t it?

CT: And then I went to the southern border of Israel and Lebanon where the UN is.

CHS: Galilee [PH].

CT: Wherever that is. Like…it’s called UNIFIL [PH], United Nations International
Force Lebanon or something like that. Lebanon is nuts.

CHS: I fucking love SIA If there’s one place I would like live in the Middle East
and I had to live, it would be SIA

CT: Why?

CHS: It’s just…there’s so much like culture and it’s not just like being Arab or Muslim
like it is the rest, the rest of the Middle East. Even though like everyone just

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assumes you are Arab or Muslim anywhere you go in the Middle East, but SIA
is like --

CT: [OV] Well it’s multicultural.

CHS: -- It’s multicultural, it’s multicultural, multi-religious like…you have, you can be
comfortable with like who you are and I don’t feel like a, an outcast there. I feel
like it’s good, you know.

CT: Yeah. Egypt is like too [UI], right? Egypt.

CHS: They’re, they’re not strict. They’re just like fucking, like whacked out
motherfuckers. Just imagine like you…so we elected Trump.

CT: They’re impressive aren’t they?

CHS: So we elected Trump but like they fucking, ah…

UF: [Bringing food] Alright. Here’s the white.

CHS: Yep. Thank you.

UF: [UI] here. Got a little extra seasoning on there.

CHS: Perfect, thank you.

UF: [UI] millions.

CT: There we go.

UF: Two breasts.

CHS: Thank you very much.

UF: Can I get anything else for you guys?

CT: No that’s good.

CHS: Um--

UF: Looks good, right?

CHS: --could I get maybe like a little shot glass so I can pour ketchup in it?

UF: Yeah yeah.

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CT: That’s good, man.

UF: There you go, honey.

CHS: Thank you so much.

UF: No problem.

CHS: Very few places in the world that I trust with their fried chicken, man, and this is
it.

CT: [Chuckling].

CHS: I’m a fried chicken connoisseur, man.

CT: [Chuckling].

CHS: So say we do get into the State Department.

CT: The White House.

CHS: Oh White House we’re doing…let’s say, let’s say we get that far.

CT: One hundred and seventy thousand.

CHS: How much?

CT: A hundred and seventy.

CHS: For what?

CT: For that [UI].

CHS: Fuckin’…once say after four years what the fuck are we going to do? We have a
resumé. What are we going to do?

CT: [UI].

CHS: Maybe he’s elected another four years after that.

CT: That’s why you’re making more [UI]. And all the connections you’ll make, dude.
You understand. Everything’s connections based. There is no sending resumés
and shit anymore. Ooh I love the [UI]. [Pause] You got very lucky, boy.

CHS: Huh?

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CT: I like the food.

CHS: Fucking amazing all, all, as usual. I just feel like the whiskey took away from the,
the wonderful flavor or the chicken. These people put soy sauce on their sushi,
dude. I don’t like that.

CT: You don’t?

CHS: You put soy sauce on your sushi?

CT: Yeah I do.

CHS: I think it overpowers the taste of the sushi.

CT: Well you put barely any. Did you ever go to SIA [PH], the Greek restaurant
in SIA SIA You must have gone there, did you? Or…

CHS: I think so almost--

CT: The Café [UI] it’s like a Café. Or SIA

CHS: I went to SIA is where it’s at. I threw money in at SIA like
everybody else. That’s fucking hilarious.

CT: [Laughs] Did you make it rain?

CHS: I got $10 worth of dollars and the napkins and [laughs] ah fucking…

CT: How much are you paying for rent over there, dude?

CHS: I shared rent 300 bucks.

CT: That’s it? How many roomates did you have?

CHS: SIA

CT: Were they SIA

CHS: It was a SIA who had a SIA .

CT: Speaking of [UI] how about SIA [PH] is she out there?

CHS: Oh yeah, yeah.

CT: Who’s all there now?


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where they’re going, make sure they go thru college. You know, kind of be there
as their backbone support.

CT: She’s following them?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: [UI].

CHS: She doesn’t make any money but she’s got tons of college debt from--

CT: She makes no money?

CHS: What kind of fucking money are you going to make as a counselor? Do you
know how millions of counselors there are out there?

CT: How is she going to pay rent?

CHS: Roommates. Two roommates.

CT: In New York?

CHS: Mm-hmm.

CT: You guys still talk about it.

CHS: Huh?

CT: Are you guys still close?

UF: How is everything, guys?

CHS: It’s great, thank you.

UF: Good. Awesome.

CHS: Eh.

CT: Is she a little weird?

CHS: She started dating some SIA guy and I was like…yeah that shit’s not right for
you.

CT: SIA

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CHS: Yeah. I was like I know you want to marry a SIA but like he’s not going
to…like you-you’re going to end up conforming to him more than he’s going to
conform to you. But she has friends that are guys and like SIA men do
not want any like men to be a woman’s friend, you know. It’s just, they’re not
forward-thinking, you know.

CT: Is he a FOB?

CHS: He’s a super FOB. I couldn’t stand him.

CT: So he was muscling you out of the picture. This guy wants [UI] run [UI].

CHS: It wasn’t that. [Chewing] It was far from that. Like we all actually went out to
SIA together. We did SIA for over spring break once.

CT: Mm-hmm.

CHS: He’s a nice guy but…

CT: Are they living together?

CHS: Huh?

CT: Are they married?

CHS: No. They, they split up. It was a nasty split-up. They were together for almost a
year.

CT: What happened?

CHS: I guess she didn’t, it wasn’t, wasn’t working out and I pointed it out to her. I’m
like here are the points where I see like things aren’t going to work out for you.

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divorce. We never, we just stopped hanging out. I respect my wife’s, you know,
she’s my fucking wife. I respected her wishes.

CT: Even though it’s just fucking hanging out, huh?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: This…what’s better this or Popeye’s.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here. What’s your favorite restaurant in Thessaloniki?

CT: Um…it’s at the Electra Palace Hotel, the restaurant in that hotel. It’s a really nice
hotel like in the city center overlooking the sea.

CHS: Michelin Star? Thessal-Thessaloniki I thought it was landlocked.

CT: No.

CHS: It’s a coastal city?

CT: It’s all bay shore on the water.

CHS: Really?

CT: Yeah everywhere you walk you’re on the water.

CHS: [Coughing]

CT: You alright?

CHS: [Smacking lips].

CT: That’s some good batter. Got to SIA this on SIA , man.
SIA
CHS: this.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: I don’t want…people knowing I just ate, um, fried chicken.

CT: Why?

CHS: Mmm.

CT: We’ll walk downtown from here. We out walk out in this, man.

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SIA was asking me for like advice like how do I deal with this sit- type of
situation like just like marriage shit. Even though I wasn’t married for a SIA
like he looks, he looks, he asks me like how to…maybe he does the opposite
of what I tell him because obviously my marriage failed but…[chuckles].

CT: How did you know you were going to divorce? What was the day where you’re
like shit…[UI].

CHS: SIA in.

CT: How did you know? What was the events?

CHS: Lack of intimacy.

CT: Yeah?

CHS: I was just going fucking crazy.

CT: I don’t blame you.

CHS: You know I hope the next person I marry…never get a fucking divorce. Because
I’ll know, I’ll know thru and thru that that person…in and out I’m going to
fucking go thru their…I’m going to fucking look them up. I’m going to fucking
have someone spy on them like I’m going to make sure that this person is the
fucking person…

CT: What do you think about this girl you’re with now?

CHS: She’s very straight and narrow, she’s nice. I mean she’s got a SIA
though.

CT: So what?

CHS: I like SIA but at the same time like…I thought, I thought she would be a little
bit more wild in bed. She’s alright. I want to, I want to find my fucking bed gem,

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you know. Like when you want to, when you go home, you want to fucking look
forwards to going home.

CT: True.

CHS: To your fucking nymphomaniac wife who’s ready to fucking suck your dick [UI]
fucking [UI]. You don’t want to like, come home and your wife is just like
what’s for dinner, bitch. Do they [UI]?

CT: [OV] Remember, remember TPN

CHS: Hm hm.

CT: She seemed quiet, right. She’s a nympho.

CHS: I know she was a nympho. The quiet ones are fucking nymphos.

CT: [UI] could tell she was a nympho.

CHS: You could tell.

CT: She gave me three blow jobs a day sometimes.

CHS: Three?

CT: One in the morning when I got back from [UI].

CHS: So why didn’t you marry her? You would have been a very fucking happy man.

CT: I actually got back in touch with her.

CHS: No it’s…do you know this stupid song by the Beatles? It’s not, all you need is
love. All you need is sex.

CT: [Laughs]. [Pause] I’ll be [UI] make money.

CHS: Hm?

CT: I’ll be in real love [UI].

CHS: It does. You just got to…

CT: I don’t think so. I mean I’ll vow compromise, I mean... It’s like a business deal.
[UI]

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CHS: [OV]You just got to find your match. Look at these Indian people who have the
arranged marriages. They never met their fucking wives or husbands.

CT: That’s what I mean. It’s all about the fucking arrangement.

CHS: Your family’s good. My family’s good. This and that--

CT: We provide [UI]--

CHS: --contracts.

CT: --[OV] I take care of you and that’s life.

CHS: Mm-hmm.

CT: Oh.

CHS: And their divorce rate…their divorce rate is a lot less than it is for people who go
out dating.

CT: Because they know right away there’s no-there’s no love. It’s a business deal.

CHS: You develop love for somebody.

[Background conversations]

CT: You like [UI] that was good, huh?

CHS: I’m going to give you my card.

UF: Ooh are you guys all done?

CHS: That way we don’t just bounce out on you because we’re going to go shopping
too…

UF: Sounds good. I gotcha right here.

CHS: Thank you.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: What?

CT: [Coughs]

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CHS: I don’t like to waste trees. You give me the check and then I give you the card
and then you bring me back another paper…

UF: Keep it all in order.

CT: [UI].

CHS: But world famous.

UF: [UI].

CT: [UI].

CHS: Best fried chicken in the fucking world. Did you have some fries?

CT: This is a weird [UI].

CHS: Don’t tell anybody about this place. Because if I see a line out the door, I’m
going to be like fucking Crossfire Typhoon.

UF: Is everything still amazing?

CHS: It’s alright. Mediocre.

UF: Hm.

CHS: Yeah can you bring me more chicken? I want to try a different batch.

[Laughter]

UF: [Chuckles] [UI] batch. Mediocre. Break my heart.

CHS: I went to the original in SIA

UF: SIA

CHS: SIA

UF: SIA

CHS: SIA there you go. SIA

UF: Yeah. SIA was the first like little hole in the wall and then…

CHS: Hole in the wall? It’s a fucking little sh, like…

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UF: It’s a shack.

CHS: I’ve seen better looking places on a 115th and…

UF: Oh I know.

CHS: …Kinsey [PH].

CT: 115 and Kinsey, huh?

CHS: I don’t even know if that exists. [Laughs] Once you get your fucking itinerary,
send it to me and I’ll book it. Let me know where the fuck to go, who to fucking
talk to.

CT: You were lucky they’re going to pay for you. Like that’s good.

CHS: Half of it. [Pause] But I wanted to go to Greece so…I have a buddy out in Athens
but I haven’t, ah…spoken to him in a while.

CT: I think SIA is half SIA isn’t he?

CHS: SIA

CT: Uh-huh.

CHS: No.

CT: Yeah he’s half.

CHS: Get the fuck out of here. I never knew what the fuck SIA was. I don’t know if he
was actually Greek.

CT: I don’t think he, I don’t [UI].

CHS: Marikas [PH] was Greek. But it could have been Merickas [PH]. [Laughs]
Merickas [laughs]. He was fuckin’…

CT: [UI] isn’t that his girlfriend?

CHS: No. He keeps her under wraps. He’s afraid someone’s going to steel her from
him.

CT: Is he really?

CHS: I don’t know. That’s what I think.

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CT: Wow.

CHS: Maybe she’s a freak and a sexual deviant.

CT: [UI].

CHS: What the fuck is this?

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: What the hell is this shit? This racist ass…oh look and then there’s a blonde
cheerleader like…

CT: [UI]…

CHS: Do you think that’s an actual Native American? No. They don’t fucking hire a
Native American to go out there and wah wah wah way [mimicking Indian war
cry].

CT: There’s a lot of smoke. Brother, I love him.

CHS: Who?

CT: I love him.

CHS: Do you talk to, ah, SIA lately?

CT: No. [UI] go wash my hands.

CHS: Smart idea.

[Pause]

CHS: [Loudly] Freeze! Give me all your money. [Laughs] You fucking jumped.

CT: Sheesh.

CHS: You jumped. We’re not that far south, buddy. We’re not that far south.

CT: I got a chip in my tooth, look.

CHS: What the fuck happened? Sucking too much, ah, Turkish dick. [Laughing]

CT: If I make enough money with it.

[Laughter]
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[Coughing up loogie] [PH].

CHS: This better be fucking locker room time.

CT: Yo.

CHS: We fucking…we get in, ah--

[Paper towel sounds]

CHS: --we get into the White House, we’re running for president and the first thing you
fucking do like, yeah we were once in the [UI] bathroom--

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: --and he said, he said I was sucking so much cock I think he’s against gay
marriage. [Laughs]

[Paper towel dispenser noise]

CHS: Locker room talk.

CT: Soc-soc-socially, man, I think everybody should be allowed to do what the fuck
they want to do.

CHS: It’s a free country.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: We’re free spirits.

CT: [UI].

CHS: You ready? You have anything else?

CT: No, I’m done. Thanks a lot, man.

CHS: Any time, buddy. Oh, man, this place is fucking Olympus.

[Movement]

[Background conversations/noises]

[Walking]

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CHS: Oh fuck! Did I leave my cigarettes in the car? This place is phenomenal.

CT: Do you want to walk and take a cab over there?

CHS: No.

CT: We’re not going to get parking.

CHS: We’re going to get parking. Don’t worry.

CT: Or you’re going to pay like 20 bucks for an hour, it’s stupid.

CHS: No we’re not. [Speaking with accent] Don’t worry. He’s my friend Crossfire
Typhoon. He fucking worry too much.

CT: [OV] [UI] shopping.

CHS: I tell him don’t worry we take care of everything in Israel.

CT: Yeah. Lo lo lo.

CHS: Lo lo lo lo lo lo. Crossfire Typhoon, when you come to Israel I take care of
everything.

CT: [OV] Why did you talk like this.

CHS: You have the best hummus and falafel –

CT: And olives.

CHS: -- in all of the falafel.

CT: Well how do they all speak over there?

CHS: Hm?

CT: Or do, give me the Palestinian accent over there.

CHS: American English or Arabic?

CT: Like Ar…FOB. Like how do they speak here?

CHS: Oh like FOB? [Speaking with accent] Oh, insta- you are American? It is so nice
to meet you.

CT: [Laughing] That’s how a FOB speaks in English?


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CHS: Uh huh. You know my brother she is in America.

CT: She--[Laughing]

CHS: [Laughing] They always, they always get their, ah, proverbs [sic] ah…

CT: She is, she is… [laughing].

CHS: [OV] My grandmother does that, too. She’s like…

CT: She is an American.

CHS: [Speaking with accent] Your father, she is going with me to the store. I can’t
stand her.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: SIA
[Beeping].

[Car doors shut]

CT: Whoo.

[Motor starts]

CHS: You know what SIA

CT: Bitch.

CHS: Yes, very nice. You are very good.

[Slapping noise]

CT: What are some of the other SIA words? You know any?

CHS: Huh?

CT: Any?

CHS: Uh, the, see the you saySIA in SIA

CT: Hm hm. What is that?

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CHS: …and then…it means like your mother’s pussy. You’re like go fuck your mother.
Basically.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: But if you say that in like to a SIA like eat shit. It’s
a lot less…

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: Like…I-I-the, like, it, I don’t fucking get it.

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: SIA

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA What does SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: Exactly. [Laughs]

CHS: [Laughs].

CT: SIA [Laughing].

CHS: SIA

CT: I can’t…I got to get the regulars.

CHS: I forgot a cigar for you.

CT: We’ll go get some. [Coughs]

[Music]

CHS: [Singing] This song is so depressing.

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CT: Adele is still rocking it, man. Put Hello on there.

CHS: You know why Adele crossed the street, right?

CT: Why? [Laughs] Say hello?

CHS: To say hello from the other side.

[Laughter]

CT: Put some hello on, man, and blast it.

CHS: Oh I like this song. There’s a country artist that sings this and it’s--

CT: Yeah?

CHS: --hilarious.

CT: What am I going to do with my chipped tooth now, man.

CHS: You go to the dentist and they fix it for you, $50.

CT: What do they do they just put like a little…

CHS: A filling, yeah.

CT: …yeah.

CHS: I’ve got a SIA right here.

CT: How annoying is that?

CHS: It SIA every three-four years but…

CT: Does it?

CHS: Uh huh. I hope like I know when it, like I just hope I don’t have to go out on a
business meeting or something. [Laughing] They do it pretty quickly though.

CT: [UI]

CHS: Oh man, let’s make some fucking money, Crossfire Typhoon. How are we going
to make some money? Give me a fucking detailed plan on how the fuck we’re
going to make money.

CT: [UI] job.


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CHS: Am I going to make some money in Greece?

CT: White House, bro.

CHS: Fuck the White House.

CT: [UI].

CHS: It was a black house the past eight years. They got to fucking bleach that shit
now. [Laughs]

CT: I don’t know why Obama would always bring in rappers and shit like that to the
White House.

CHS: Chants the Rapper?

CT: Yeah I don’t like that. Why was he doing that? He should have brought in like
the role models, you know.

CHS: He gave up on his presidency halfway thru. Only because he knew he couldn’t
get shit done because all the fucking Republicans were fucking cock-blocking
him.

CT: He did give up, didn’t he?

CHS: He gave up. So what the fuck is he going to do? He’s going to fucking have fun
with it. If I were him Iwould, I’d be just as fucking cynical as him like I’d invite

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fucking Tupac Shakur [PH]. I’d fucking have them dig his, his grave up and
bring it and like have a fucking memorial.

CT: [OV] You know that Tupac’s alive, man? Tupac’s alive.

CHS: Yeah okay.

CT: Yo. Type in Tupac alive and the guy taking, taking a selfie of himself. It’s crazy.
It looks like it’s him. Why do people always say he’s alive. I don’t understand
where that came from?

CHS: Because I don’t think it was…did they recover his body or something?

CT: If they didn’t then he’s probably alive. Was there a funeral?

CHS: I don’t know.

CT: Well. How about Biggie [PH], is Biggie dead?

CHS: Ask the men who carried his casket. I’m sure that one of them died, too.
[Laughing].

CT: Shit…so he did, he got popped--

[Traffic noise]

CT: Whoa. I always liked Biggie more than Tupac.

CHS: Because you’re an East Coast little bitch.

CT: How about you, who’d you like better?

CHS: I’m a Tupac guy.

CT: I, I did like Tupac a little more.

[Banging noise]

CHS: To many malakas out here.

CT: Nothing quite like this. [UI] what’s that? What’s this?

CHS: Classy.

CT: [Chuckles]

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[Banging noise]

CT: Shaw City, man. Coming home again.

CHS: Do you think they will take down the Trump sign?

CT: No.

CHS: Now that he’s president.

CT: Because I’m coming home again.

[Traffic sounds]

[Music]

CT: Because I’m coming home again.

CHS: [Speaking in accent] You know the country music? We listen to it in the country
in the SIA We have the country in the SIA

CT: What do the SIA want [UI]? Do they want the SIA or they’re, they
want the whole thing and--

CHS: No, they’re going about their lives like fucking, there’s no issue. Like they can’t
fucking do anything. If they do anything they’re it’s basically they’re under
fucking house arrest all fucking day. They can, they can’t go further than the
fucking center of the city and that’s it. There’s fucking blacks everywhere they
go…like if you’re under that type of fucking like scrutiny and surveillance and
fucking authority, you’re not going to fucking do shit with your life. You’re
going to live a miserable fucking life. What the fuck are you going to do? You
can’t--

CT: Right.

CHS: --fucking protest or you’re going to get fucking shot. You’re going to get
arrested. You’re going to get put in jail. You’re not going to fucking do
anything. A lot of these SIA are very, like there’s some little fucking
crazy cuckoo-heads. Like I know, I went to this fucking underground place
where this guy showed me SIA in the SIA . I’m like I don’t want to

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fucking see it. They told me that’s where they stored the weapons and this…I
said listen--

CT: [OV] Well that shit’s real. They do store weapons.

CHS: Some of them do. They’re waiting for like an uprising. But like I don’t, I don’t
want to fucking see this. This guy comes in, he looks like a fucking like a, like a
undercover militant.

CT: Who?

CHS: Some guy my grandfather introduced me to, my great grandfather when he


passed…before he passed away. And like he, he took me into coff- uh, coffee in

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his house and like he, there was like a bunch of men there and a couple of them
had fucking like, um…those big guns what are they called? The automatic--

CT: AK-47s?

CHS: Oh man. I’m like how the fuck did you get those in here?

CT: Yeah how did they get them in there?

CHS: I don’t know.

CT: TPE

CHS: E- well no they got ‘em, they have them in the TPA

CT: Oh that was in the TPA

CHS: Mm-hmm.

CT: How did they get them in there then?

CHS: And I said I don’t want to know anything, I don’t want to…I didn’t see anything.
I don’t fucking talk to anybody.

CT: Because the second you say I-I know too much, you get popped. That’s why the
three best words are I don’t know.

CHS: Them fucking Israelis are, are worse. Like especially if you know something they
ask you something, all of a sudden you’re the fucking criminal.

CT: Yeah.

[Traffic noise]

CT: SIA man.

CHS: Let’s go ask them if they’re fucking Mossad. Let’s have a conversation with
them. No?

CT: Well they, they have to come to you. They think you can afford $300 facial
then…

CHS: Alright tell them I know Eli Groaner [PH]? Well hey…I’m fucking Mossad, too.
[Laughing] Like a fucking Guido. Hey, hey, hey--

CT: [OV] How you doin’ how you doin’?


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CHS: --hey, hey how you doin? I’m fucking Mossad, too. [Laughing]

CT: [UI] grow up in [UI]--

CHS: Mossad you’re working here and not going to [UI].

CT: --[OV] [UI] just start up and say, hey you want to go out with the 36-year-old
Ahmed for a party night? He’s prob-- [Laughing]

CHS: [Chuckles] Yeah I’m Mossad, too. I’m Mossad you’re working right now
because right now we could be having sex. How do you like that? That was a
fucking--

CT: Can ya?

CHS: Uh, you Mossad?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: Because I’m Mossad. I’m Mossad you’re working right now.

[Laughter]

CHS: Because we could be having sex, that’s good isn’t it. I’m going to fucking use
that.

CT: That’s a good one. Ahmed has a night here tonight where he is the, he brings in
the 21-year-old.

CHS: Free pussy?

CT: What’s this kickass fitness thing?

CHS: What the hell is that?

CT: Oh…

CHS: Oh that one?

CT: What it’s Saturday and it’s dead out here. [Burps] Oh it’s early only 7:20.
[Singing] [UI] two more. There is Studio [UI].

CHS: Do you want some coffee?

CT: Yeah when we get into Northland.


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CHS: Or we just getting a drink?

CT: Probably coffee so I can wake up a bit.

CHS: [Belches] Oh, excuse me.

CT: Excuse me would you like a 350 dollar [laughing] that sees me…[laughing] and
we bring in here for 2 dollars a barrel. That’s not a bad scam, huh?

CHS: They make it…it’s got to be profitable.

CT: Do you actually think it’s--

CHS: That’s not fucking profit--

CT: [OV] You actually think it’s legit?

CHS: --I actually worked for one of them guys at the mall. At SIA
Remember SIA

CT: Yeah. [UI] it’s still open.

CHS: Yeah that, no.

CT: I was there yesterday.

CHS: That guy…why the fuck are you in that ghetto dump, dump?

CT: It’s like a Little Italy over there.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: SIA [PH], man, is over there.

CHS: Oh I love fucking SIA

CT: Remember SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: So I [UI] doing, ah…a night [laughing] what did you tell her? How old are you?
[Laughing] Bro, they got to bring in the young girl. It’s kind of creepy, isn’t it?

CHS: Very fucking creepy.

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CT: I mean that’s like fine up until you’re 30, you know.

CHS: Even then you’re pushing it.

CT: [Laughing] Yeah you’re pushing it. [Laughing].

CHS: He’s a nice guy. But honestly, you know, like that’s not, that’s not his fucking
career path [UI].

CT: It isn’t his career path.

CHS: You know, you know, you don’t remember Joe on, ah…from what’s that place
that closed?

CT: [UI].

CHS: On Division Street. Legru [PH].

CT: Oh yeah.

CHS: Remember Legru?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: That, that fucking tanned white guy. He was always fucking like bright red or
orange because he got a fucked up tan.

CT: So what happened?

CHS: He’s still fucking working the scene. He’s in his fucking 50’s or 60’s now.

CT: Oh my God. [Laughing] He still works the streets.

CHS: God damn!

CT: He’s still--[Laughing]

CHS: He’s working the streets.

CT: [Laughing] He’s, he’s working the Johnson.

CHS: He’s working the John.

CT: The John. [Laughing] Working the Johnson. Oh, man.

CHS: [Clears throat].


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CT: Yeah I’m like relax, dude.

CHS: Did you, uh, uh--

CT: Forget [UI].

CHS: --get a, did you get a response from, ah, Olga?

CT: Who’s Olga?

CHS: The--

CT: [OV] I never met her.

CHS: -- Putin’s niece.

CT: Oh yeah. So she’s in Rome.

CHS: What’s ah, is her name’s Olga?

CT: Olga, yeah. She’s, uh, studying in Rome.

CHS: Uh, so, ah yeah but did you get a response from her or did you s--

CT: [OV] Yeah.

CHS: --I told you let’s go fucking hang out with her.

CT: Oh I’m not that close with her.

CHS: Let’s go fucking hang out. What did she say?

CT: I didn’t ask her actually. I should. [UI] if Greece, if Greece goes-goes thru then,
of course, we should.

CHS: Tell her to come down to Athens. We’ll buy her a ticket.

CT: I don’t think Russians are allowed in the U.S. anymore, are they?

CHS: Yeah they are.

CT: Nah you never see Russian [UI].

CHS: Fucking Trump’s wife, isn’t she Russian?

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CT: No, she’s Slovenian.

CHS: She’s…what the fuck, okay.

CT: When do you ever hear Russian in the streets of America? I don’t.

CHS: In SIA I do.

CT: Do you?

CHS: Oh yeah.

CT: Yeah but a lot of them are American citizens.

CHS: [UI] They’re all fucking fresh off the boat.

CT: They live in SIA

CHS: Fucking Sergey. Fucking, he’s a fucking…he’s a Russian spy.

CT: You think so, eh?

CHS: Yeah. What do you think?

CT: [UI].

CHS: No fucking Russians here that aren’t fucking…same with the Israelis they’re all
fucking spies. Those fucking cocksuckers. They should execute them all.

CT: What about the Chinese?

CHS: You see you can’t tell with the Chinese because a lot of them are fucking modest
and like… [speaking with accent] oh I’m sorry.

CT: [UI] clean the, you clean the cum stain.

CHS: [UI]

CT: No, modest ones are the Koreans.

CHS: Koreans are assholes. The men --

CT: [OV] No they’re not.

CHS: -- they’re fucking dickheads.

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CT: Are they really?

CHS: Yeah. I worked with three of them and like I-I didn’t want to generalize them or
I’m like this Korean guy’s a fucking asshole. Like the Korean men are very like
over privileged pieces of shit--

CT: Really?

CHS: --is what I’ve realized.

CT: And they act like white?

CHS: I wouldn’t say they act white but they’re like…

CT: What [UI].

CHS: …really sh…like they, they, they feel like they deserve shit. I’m going to make
them all Korean cum stains.

CT: [Chuckles]

CHS: One of these malakas got to go.

CT: This is an apartment building. Would you want to live here?

CHS: Uh-uh. Too dangerous.

CT: What’s dangerous here?

CHS: Shopping.

CT: What? Oh you mean you’d spend too much money.

CHS: Uh-huh.

CT: Shit. What the fuck is he doing? What was he doing? That guy is nuts?

CHS: See I told you I’d find parking. I find parking right in front of fucking
Nordstrom’s.

CT: I don’t know how you--

CHS: How the fuck do I do that?

CT: You’re crazy, man. Hey, is that the Nordstrom on Michigan Avenue?

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CHS: Uh-huh. What Nordstrom’s did you think we were going to go to? The fucking
suburbs?

CT: That’s not Michigan Avenue right there, is it?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: [UI]

CHS: No, not right here. The, the bridge.

CT: Yeah.

[Ding]

[Exits vehicle]

[Car doors shutting]

[Traffic noise]

[Walking]

CHS: Parking. One hour, two hours?

CT: It’s free I think now.

CHS: No. I put an hour.

CT: Two hours, two hours.

CHS: No.

CT: One hour then?

CHS: It’s already fucking 7:30.

CT: Oh yeah yeah.

CHS: Hour, hour and 15.

CT: Yeah one hour…yeah one hour and 15, perfect. Because everything closes at
9:00 so we got to, you know, hustle.

CHS: Yeah I don’t want to be out here when everyone’s fucking leaving downtown,
too. We’ll be stuck in traffic for days.
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CT: Did you message SIA

CHS: No.

CT: See what [UI] is doing?

CHS: [OV] Get the fuck outta here.

CT: Should we see what [UI] too? [Laughing] You just having to call some 20-
[laughing] can’t do this shit after a while, you know.

CHS: He’s fucking old fart.

CT: Like if I was a 21-year-old I would be like this is [UI] ew.

CHS: He’s a creep. What girl like--

CT: [OV] He’s ugly.

CHS: --looks at him like…

CT: [OV] He’s ugly, you know. I mean like…

CHS: He’s got three fucking fingers.

CT: Like that’s the problem, you know. He’s just...he just…

CHS: What’s fucking SIA doing? We need to fucking hang out with SIA .

CT: Call, message him.

CHS: Ah I don’t fucking…

CT: Ah…[UI].

CHS: Yeah. Once you message him you’re messaging him for like three hours because
he fucking has nothing to do.

CT: [Laughing] Isn’t that [UI].

CHS: So he just fucking--

CT: Well that’s--

CHS: --keeps on sending you messages.


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CT: --[OV] that’s the problem when you depend on Mommy and Daddy to set you up
in life you feel like your worthless kind of. Like you couldn’t do anything. You
feel kind of like a retard, you know.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Like when you do something on your own, you feel like a man. You get what I’m
saying? Don’t you? Like when you have your own job, your own this…you just
feel like--

CHS: Yes.

CT: --Wow I’m a man. Not that…my dad he had to do all the hard work and I just
walk into it. You know? That’s just how it is.

UF: [UI].

CT: Does your sister [UI] here?

CHS: Christmas shopping, my ass. Where you going?

CT: There’s a Nordstrom’s, I’m going to get outta here that-that had like, uh...

CHS: [OV] [UI] Let’s go see, you want to go see your Mossad friends?

CT: Yeah [UI], that-that one.

CHS: This is the Nordstrom.

CT: This is it?

CHS: This is it.

CT: This is where the Mossad people.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: I guarantee you it’s not.

CHS: W- come on. SIA

CT: [Laughing] [UI] say hi to the Mossad for me.

CHS: I Mossad you, a Mossad you’re working.

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CT: I [UI] working here.

UM: [In background] [UI]

CT: [UI] [laughing] you’re right. [UI] man, let’s go upstairs [UI]--

CHS: No I want to go, I want to go talk to my friends for a sec.

CT: [UI] what is [UI]. [Coughing]

CHS: If there’s a Israeli guy I’m going to go like are you a Mossad genistic [PH].
[Laughing].

CT: [Laughing] [UI] fricking [UI].

CHS: [Laughing] Get the fuck outta here. You going to wear those pants?

CT: [Laughs] [UI] right there. [UI].

[Background music/conversations]

CHS: SIA

CT: [Laughing] [UI].

CHS: Where’d they go? Their shop is usually right here.

[Movement]

CHS: This is new.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Awe.

CT: [UI] thank you [UI]

CHS: SIA

CT: If she [UI]. SIA Alright he’s going to let me know nine-ten
minutes or so [UI] what’s going on.

CHS: With what?

CT: With the deal.

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CHS: Greece?

CT: Yeah with Greece.

CHS: What’s this?

UF: This is for a [UI]. It’s a moisturizer.

CHS: Moisturizer?

UF: Yeah. What are you using for your skin?

CHS: What am I using?

UF: Nothing

CHS: Saliva.

UF: Why? You busy or lazy?

CHS: Lazy.

UF: Oh.

CHS: Israeli?

UF: No.

CHS: Israeli? No?

UF: No.

CHS: No?

UF: My family from Cape Town.

CHS: From where?

UF: Cape Town, South Africa.

CHS: Cape Town?

UF: SIA

CHS: SIA

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UF: [UI].

CHS: SIA

UF: SIA

SIA
CHS:

UF: SIA TPN [PH].

CHS: What is it?

UF: TPN

CHS: TPN Nice to meet you.

UF: Where are you from?

CHS: Um, I’m half SIA half SIA

UF: Hm hm.

CHS: My friend is Greek.

UF: Are you from Chicago?

CHS: Yeah.

UF: Oh.

CHS: No, you don’t speak any SIA Nothing? He speaks SIA

UF: No. He, he from France.

CHS: He’s from France, too?

UF: Yeah.

CHS: No. TPN Where in France?

UF: What? Paris.

CHS: Paris? SIA

UF: Can I ask you something, my friend?

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CHS: Sure.

UF: [UI]

CHS: Okay.

UF: …or the blackheads.

CHS: Hm hm.

UF: [UI]. And that many means [UI]. Something once a week in the shower.

CHS: For him?

UF: No. For you.

CHS: For me?

UF: You don’t like, you won’t like. Keep it use it.

CHS: Okay. SIA [PH]. SIA [PH]. [Laughs]

UF: What?

CT: [Laughs]

UF: What? What you say?

CHS: Thank you.

CT: Thank you.

[Walking]

UM: [UI] everything is going to look like [UI].

[Background conversations]

CT: [UI]

CHS: I told you the Israeli’s have fucked up French accents.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: Are you French? No, yeah right.

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CT: Did she have the accent?

CHS: Yeah. [Laughing] She’s like I’m from France. I’m like my ass I fucking hear
your v- your accent is very fucking Hebrew.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Here, here they gave you a sample.

CT: No, they gave you a sample.

CHS: Well you know it’s a fucking Mossad sample. There’s fucking tracer in here.

CT: She-she did, she didn’t like me because she was only for you, she said. [UI]

CHS: What the fuck, is that Santa Claus?

CT: [UI]

CHS: There’s Santa Claus, look.

[Movement]

CT: [UI] get us three [UI] nuts or what.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: You said, uh, you, uh, here do you want some coffee I’ll get us a coffee.

CHS: Yeah do you want a coffee or do you want to get a wine?

CT: I-I’m, I’m going to get a coffee. If you want wine, I’ll get you a wine. What do
you want?

CHS: I want coffee. Let’s do coffee.

CT: You know [UI].

CHS: Yeah. She’s like, “No, I’m from France.” My ass you’re from France.

CT: Of course not, she looked 100 percent Israeli.

CHS: And her name is TPN

CT: That’s why I was [UI].

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CHS: I bet she is TPN

UF: [In background] What can I get for you?

CT: Would you say that…do you know why they get like that?

CHS: Uh-uh.

CT: Because they--

CHS: [OV] Because they’re Mossad.

CT: --they actually got raided like all over the country.

CHS: I know.

CT: Did you read that?

CHS: I read that article.

CT: That’s right.

CHS: They’re all fucking Mossad, dude.

CT: That’s a nice little [UI].

CHS: I want them fucking out. Like these people…they’re fucking pieces of shit.
Imagine if Palestinians started running a fucking, ah, deep sea, ah…

CT: [OV] That’s a nice little cover.

CHS: But they’re everywhere around the world. I told you I went to SIA and
there were fucking Israelis there.

CT: That’s a [UI].

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: [Chuckles] That’s just weird, man. What did you say at the end to-to her?

CHS: Hm? She, ah, she-she said, ah, I’m like…she’s like I got something for you. I’m
like good, good, good, good. SIA

CT: [Chuckling] What’d she say?

CHS: And she’s like what, what was that? I’m like SIA .
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CT: [Laughing] What does that mean?

CHS: It means SIA .

CT: SIA

CHS: Uh huh. SIA

CT: SIA

UF: [UI].

CHS: Um…ah medium drip coffee.

[Background music]

CT: Let me have a tall Americano. SIA op SIA

CHS: SIA Like SIA [PH].

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA like SIA

CT: SIA [UI].

CHS: Oh look at the puppy. Oh my god look at that puppy. I want the puppy. Can you
give me a puppy for Christmas?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: I want a fucking puppy for Christmas.

CT: I’ll get you one [UI]. [Laughs]

CHS: How you doing tonight?

UF: Good [UI].

CT: You have miles.

[Background conversation/music]

UF: [In background] I don’t know she probably had to go, uh, relax [UI].

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CHS: Is that coffee?

UF: Yes.

CHS: Thank you, brother. I appreciate it.

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA I want to go talk to the guy now.

CT: Man, that girl was like weird.

CHS: You got a couple ice cubes actually? I’m a little weak.

CT: [UI].

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: [UI] crash this party.

CHS: [UI] fucking crash his party. Thank you so much.

UF: Yeah, no problem.

UF: [In background] Bella! Order up.

UF: [In background] Apple fritter bite.

[Background conversation]

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA So fucking SIA Well, well we fucking look like we’re, ah…

CT: She was like [UI], she was like [UI] uncomfortable about--.

CHS: [UI]. Yeah.

CT: --about something.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Did you see that?

CHS: Yeah. That was just so fucking Israeli. Like the guy, like they don’t sound
French at all. I know what a French accent sounds like and I know what a…
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CT: Yeah. Did she say they were French?

CHS: Yeah. She said she’s from Paris. No--

CT: The French was accented then.

CHS: Huh?

CT: Her French was accented.

CHS: Uh huh.

UF: [Yelling] Americano.

CT: Yeah. Her French was completely accented. [UI]

CHS: Thank you.

CT: Yeah she was like very…Do you have any cream?

CHS: Cream the cum stain over here.

CT: Cream the cum [UI]…

CHS: I don’t, I don’t know why they call it an-Americano. It’s African Americano.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: It’s black.

CT: Yeah did you see how, did you see how nervous she was getting?

CHS: She was.

CT: You saw that right?

CHS: Mm-hmm. Do you know her?

CT: [UI]

CHS: She looked at you and she was like alright this guy again, I don’t want to fucking
deal with him.

CT: Yeah she was like weird like, like something. Did you see that?

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UF: Oops, sorry.

CT: Really awkward, because they’re Mossad you know? [UI]

CHS: [UI] fucking Mossad.

CT: [UI] Americans will know what you think about so once you actually call them
out on it…

CHS: [UI]

[Background conversation]

UF: I’m going to [UI] for awhile.

UF: Okay.

UF: You know [UI] how are you guys?

UF: [UI]

CHS: Better.

UF: [UI].

CHS: Huh?

UF: Do you want me to write this out for you?

CHS: Yeah let’s do it.

UF: [UI].

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

[Movement]

CT: [UI] disgusting. [Pause] That was weird you put her on the spot, man. She got
nervous. I’ve never seen her though.

CHS: I never, I haven’t, I haven’t been down here. I, ah, like they’re all fucking
Mossad, every single one of them. And they all need to fucking get, get kicked
out of this country.

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CT: They got raided, dude. They got raided, that’s why she got so whacky.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: She got like really like…

CHS: [OV] I mean this wasn’t recent though. This was years ago that they got raided.

CT: Oh no, no. I think it was recent like this past year.

CHS: No.

CT: I swear. Type it in. What the deal is that, man [UI]. SIA . I love Tumi,
man. Tumi is my brand, dog.

CHS: Is it?

CT: Yeah. Love it.

UM: [PA Announcement] [UI] five five.

CHS: I hate the guy who talks.

CT: [UI].

CHS: The overhead speaker. [Exaggerated] James three three seven.

CT: Yeah [UI]. I figure we can always go to the Nordstrom Rack, too.

CHS: I don’t want to go to fucking Nordstrom Rack.

CT: They always got good stuff there. [UI].

CHS: Get the fuck outta here. I got, I got to take you to, uh, the outlets by O’Hare. You
been down there? What!

[Background voices andmusic]

CT: [UI].

UM: [PA Announcement] [UI] five five.

CT: [UI]

CHS: I got to wear business suits in, ah, Greece?

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CT: Nope. No one wears ties there.

CHS: But I got to wear a suit, or no?

CT: Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean like…

CHS: Dress pants and, ah…

CT: But no one, no one [UI] like no jeans [UI].

CHS: Huh?

CT: [UI]

CHS: Gifts under $50, there you go.

CT: You [UI] okay?

CHS: Here, buddy. This is what I’m here for. See? See Fiara Robin. This is my, this
is my shirt.

CT: Yeah I like that. [UI].

CHS: [Humming].

UM: [In background] This is the [UI].

[Background voices and music]

CT: Where are the sales at? [UI] go to, ah, Bloomingdales.

CHS: Bloomingdales. It’s on the other side of the city.

CT: No. It’s right across.

CHS: What do you mean it’s right across. We’re at Nordstrom’s.

CT: No, there’s nothing here... I thought the sale was this whole weekend. How
about we go in to, ah, like [UI].

CHS: Go where?

CT: Brooks Brothers.

CHS: Brooks Brothers. The fuck is in the Brooks Brothers? You can go shop at them
at O’Hare.
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CT: You want to go downstairs here. I’ll show you that cologne. [UI].

CHS: [OV] There’s more men’s cologne downstairs?

CT: The really good stuff.

CHS: SIA loves the little spice bomb.

CT: Who?

CHS: SIA

CT: Your girlfriend?

CHS: Yeah my girlfriend, SIA

CT: [UI] [laughs].

UM: No, no.

CHS: That little girl she’s like, he’s holding the little girl and she’s like, Daddy you said
fucking. He’s like no, I did not. [Laughs]

CT: Did you say it?

CHS: No. He, she, he did.

CT: Oh he did?

CHS: Yeah. And she’s like, he’s like no I did not.

CT: [Laughs] [UI]

CHS: Here. This is, this is the clearance racks.

CT: Where the rack, man?

CHS: This is the shit.

CT: From [UI].

CHS: This is where you find sales.

UM: [PA Announcement] [UI]

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CHS: [Mimicking PA announcer]. [IA]

[Laughter]

CHS: Oh I wish I could smack that guy. He’s always, he’s always [mimicking
announcer].

UF: [UI] guy and [UI]--

UM: [PA Announcement] five zero.

UF: --guys on this floor find his voice annoying. Nobody else complains except the
customers.

CT: Oh the speaker guy?

CHS: Because you guys are used to him.

UF: I guess. [Laughing]

CHS: But if you’re a customer and you come in here and you’re just hearing this guy
he’s annoying.

CT: [Laughs] Go [UI].

UF: He like talks really slow.

CHS: I don’t even know how you c…I can’t even compre-

UM: [PA Announcement] [UI]

UF: [UI] five five.

CHS: [Mimicking announcer] Five five.

UF: [UI] conversation. It’s only when he’s in the [UI] like he called [UI] Nordstrom
it’s the operator [UI] and I’m like, like he’ll get on [UI].

CT: [Laughs]

UF: [UI] five five.

CHS: He gets overtime for extending his…[laughing].

CT: [UI]

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UF: No [UI].

CHS: He’s bored as fuck. That’s what he is.

UF: [Laughs].

CT: [Laughs].

UF: Well [UI].

UM: [PA Announcement] [UI]

CHS: [OV] [Mimicking announcer] [IA]

CT: [OV] [Mimicking announcer] [IA]

UF: [UI] I feel like he’s [UI].

CHS: Where do you want to go?

CT: Let’s go to another place.

CHS: Where?

CT: Right now.

CHS: The where-where though? The fuck are we going to go?


CT: Brooks Brothers.

CHS: Where the fuck is Brooks Brothers.

CT: Oh, let’s all go to, um…

CHS: We got to walk all the way down Michigan Avenue?

CT: Well how far is it?

CHS: [OV] Well it’s [UI].

CT: Well there’s some, there’s some other stores there.

CHS: Is it? I want to go talk to Mossad some more.

CT: Yeah let’s go downstairs and we’ll [UI] at the cologne and see if they got any
deals on them. [UI]

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CHS: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on--

CT: They’re going to tow you though [UI].

CHS: SIA [PH].

CT: [Laughs] I’m going to call it [UI] flex four.

CHS: What the fuck you going to call flex four?

UM: [PA Announcer] five nine.

CHS: [Mimicking PA Announcer] five nine.

CT: [UI] funny story today.

CHS: He’s fondling 21-year-olds in to get them free cover. He says, he says, If you let
me touch it, I’ll let you in for free.

CT: Same-same way [UI] with [UI] and he’s still living in like a, hasn’t moved up at
all.

CHS: How gorgeous is this, buddy?

CT: How much is that?

CHS: Seven nine five.

CT: Seven hundred ninety-five? Shut up. That is not 700…

CHS: It’s Vince. Oh man look at this. I love Vince, man. It’s all in the [UI]. It’s half
off now.

UM: [OV] [PA Announcement] [UI] five nine.

CT: [OV] It’s half off [chuckling]--

CHS: [Mimicking announcement] [UI] five nine. Hey, malaka.

CT: Hey, malaka. What about this?

CHS: That’s gorgeous.

CT: [UI] Casino and fuck this.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.


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CT: [Laughing] Dude you [UI] the casino?

CHS: Is there casinos in Thessaloniki?

CT: Yeah right by the airport actually.

CHS: Really?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: Are they good casinos or are they fucking rip you off casinos.

CT: [OV] I’ve only been once. [UI].

CHS: [Mimicking announcer] [IA] I’m alone. Five nine.

CT: Do you smoke in there, man? [Laughs]

CHS: He must be smoking something up there. Oh look at this. Nice.

CT: [UI] man.

CHS: Yeah there’s no, there’s…

CT: What is everybody running around in here for, there’s no deals. Are they stupid?

CHS: Hm.

CT: [Mimicking announcer] [IA]

CHS: Too many malakas. Can I wear this in Greece?

CT: Yeah.

[Background conversation]

CT: [UI]

CHS: Three XL.

UM: [PA Announcement] five five.

CHS: Get out of here. You’re no size fucking 11 in shoes. Get you, what the fuck. Go
buy, go buy the seven and a halves.

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CT: [Laughs][Mimicking announcer] Five five.

CHS: [Chuckles].

CT: Let’s go to Nordstrom Rack, man. [UI] they got shit over there. There’s a
Nordstrom Rack on State Street, let’s get out of here. Let’s go downstairs, see the
cologne and [UI].

CHS: [OV] On State Street? How far?

CT: I don’t know [UI]. [Chuckles]

UM: [In background] [UI] where’d SIA go?

[Background conversation]

CHS: Oh my [UI].

UF: Okay. [Laughs] [UI]

CHS: [Mimicking PA announcer] [UI] five five. She got freaked out. She thought I
was here to arrest her ass.

CT: Yeah that is what she thought.

CHS: I should arrest her ass.

CT: Dude, she got really like weird.

CHS: What, what is it called when a citizen, uh--

CT: [OV] Citizen’s arrest.

CHS: --citizens arrest. There [laughs]--

CT: [UI] Because she ain’t a citizen, she’s oh I’m from TPA .
CHS: [Mimicks accent] I am from TPA . My parents are from…[normal voice]
That’s why you have a thick ass accent? [Mimicks accent] TPA talk
like this. This is TPA .

CT: [UI] TPA

CHS: No, no, no not TPA . It’s, [mimics accent]TPA

CT: [Mimics accent] TPA

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CHS: [Mimicks accent] TPA .

CT: [Mimicks accent] TPA . Yeah that is how it is. See he did it on his cell
phone.

CHS: [Mimics accent] [UI] nebula. He is my favorite.

CT: He is my favorite.

UM: [PA Announcement] [IA]

CT: Of course.

[Music in background]

CT: [UI] get?

UM: [Mimicking announcer] [IA]

CHS: I have this one. There’s a new one out that I like. Vert Du Bois [PH]. Oh, man,
smell this man.

CT: Pretty good.

CHS: This is life. I have this. Dude…

CT: The oud’s always nice. Let me, let me show you the, um…

CHS: Smell this shit. I could wear this all day, man.

CT: What’s that one? That’s very nice.

CHS: The Vert Du Bois.

CT: Let me show you the one, the other one. Come on.

CHS: Or it might be Vert…whoa. They got a whole bunch of Verts. Well that one
smells nice.

CT: [UI] I thought there was a spray. Here’s the brand here.

UM: Good. How are you?

CT: Fine, how about you?

UM: Good.
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CT: Can we try out the oud. [UI] first one…

UM: [UI].

CHS: Which one’s the--

UM: [UI].

CHS: Which one’s the oud?

UM: That would be [UI]

UM: [PA Announcement] [UI] five nine.

CT: It’s from the bark [UI].

UM: How are your other one’s? Good?

CHS: Oud.

CT: Yeah. Is that what it says?

CHS: Yeah. O-U-D.

CT: Yeah smell it.

CHS: Allow.

CT: Is that the one I-I-I just gave you?

CHS: It smells very similar. It smells like Aqua DeParma [PH] though.

CT: Does it? I couldn’t smell like oud earlier. That’s not how it smells. Well I
guess…

[Movement]

UM: [PA Announcement] [UI]

[Background conversations/music]

UM: [UI] love it, that’s the problem there’

CT: How do you say great again?

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CHS: SIA

CT: SIA [UI]

CHS: I want to play some SIA music while we’re walking by. If the guy--

CT: Why you got to [UI].

CHS: --responds…

CT: [UI].

CHS: SIA

CT: [UI] SIA

[Music]

CT: Well go on the guy’s side doing nothing.

CHS: [UI]

CHS: SIA

CT: That sounds like SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: [UI]

CHS: It good?

CT: That was good, right? Yeah.

[Background voices and conversation]

UF: Good evening, gentlemen. How are you?

CHS: I’m well. How are you?

UF: Very well. Very well. It’s, uh, we turned on the air [UI] when it’s November, it’s
not a bad thing.
CHS: Yeah.

CT: Yeah it’s nice.

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CHS: No [UI].

CT: No [UI].

CHS: [UI] don’t [UI].

UF: [UI] out of order. Ah this is normal, this is normally, um…

UM: [In background] Oh really? Oh, okay.

UF: It’s an 80-dollar value. It’s, it’s, um,50.

UM: [In background] [UI] what does it, what does it do?

CT: Mm-hmm.

UF: And then this is…believe it or not this right here though, this 175. Have you ever
used a battery operated razor?

CT: No.

UF: It’s, um, 175 on its own but this weekend with the $60 product, the blades and
this bag it’s, um, 145. The, it’s not a [UI].

CT: You know I have this, uh, [UI].

UF: It’s on.

[Background voices and conversation]

CHS: I don’t like the whole vibrating thing.

UM: Well it helps you stand--

CHS: It’s just weird.

CT: --it helps stand up the hair though.

UF: [In background]We don’t [UI].

CHS: Yeah I’m fine with that.

[Laughter]

UM: [UI]

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UF: [UI] and getting a travel stand so you won’t…do you, I’ll show you the silver tip.
May I show you the silver tip? Yeah. There’s two different products.

CT: [UI].

UF: Alright.

CHS: [Chuckles]

UF: And what am I talking about?

UM: So these are 18 a piece so 36 for the both of those.

UF: Okay.

UM: And [UI].

UF: We would, we would repair or we would replace under [UI] if something


catastrophic happens due to our, you know, to the, the building or the design.

CT: Yeah.

UF: And I’ve had necklaces that have broken that I’ve carried and they, they [UI] I’ve
had them restrung.

UM: [UI] so this is, the [UI]

UF: [OV] [UI] we wouldn’t need a stand. It hangs up [UI] on its own.

CT: Oh that’s cool.

UF: Mm-hmm.

UM: [UI] so he can do that. You just take [UI]…

CHS: It seems like a lot of work.

UF: It’s not. You don’t have to actually do that. You just…and then you drop it in.
It’s easier to do. It’s my manual, that’s it.

CHS: That’s right. How, how much are your ah like, um, lotions? [UI] selling those on
the pre-shave?

UF: So all the [UI] are behind you, you would have to buy the whole kit to get the
deal.

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CT: Oh.

UF: So if…well over-over there that’s the [UI] and then if you wanted pre-shave or
shaving cream this, that’s the,that would be it right here. If you want the full
size…

CT: Yeah.

UF: …you would, there it’s $80 for the three pieces.

CT: Yes.

UF: And then if you bought a pack of blades, uh, two packs of blades you would be at
a hundred.

CHS: But you said if I buy this, I get this for free.

UF: If you buy this you get the nylon bag and, and a pack of blades for free. Not, not
two sets of product but--

CHS: I got you.

UF: --it’s a little confusing and I agree.

CHS: I got you..

UF: It’s, um, that’s what it would look like in there is what they’re trying to show you.
This is what your, it would look like. And then it’s a sandalwood, lemon, or a
lavender. [UI]

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

UF: Sir, how are you [UI] stand up or down?

CT: Ah…I’m not actually. Busted.

UF: [UI] from fall out.

[Movement]

CHS: SIA

UM: Hi, [UI].

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CHS: See I told you they were SIA

CT: What’d he say to you?

CHS: He’s like SIA

CT: What does that mean?

CHS: I have no idea.

CT: Huh?

CHS: I have no idea.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: And he said good maybe [foreign language]. I don’t know what the fuck. I didn’t
hear the last part of what he said. I know SIA is good but whatever--

CT: [Laughing] [UI].

CHS: I was like SIA . He’s like SIA .

CT: [UI]

CHS: Told you they were fucking Mossad, dude.

CT: Didn’t I tell you, you fell for it. [UI].

[UI sound]

CHS: She got fucking offended.

CT: Huh?

CHS: She was offended.

CT: She was.

CHS: She thinks she’s getting deported now. [Laughs]

CT: [UI] well they’re here illegally. SIA

CHS: I fucking hate Michigan Avenue with a passion.

CT: Why?
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CHS: Ah…too many fucking tourists, so many overpriced stores. Get the fuck outta
here.

CT: Get the fuck outta here.

CHS: I go to outlets once a year and that’s it. Buy all my Christmas presents online
now. I don’t fucking go anywhere.

CT: Is that what you do?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: [UI] sale.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: You don’t?

CHS: Not today.

CT: Huh?

CHS: We’re going to Thessaloniki.

CT: [UI] if he ever calls me back. [UI] I was talking [UI].

CHS: So is th- I don’t get why the fuck they want you there though.

CT: What?

CHS: They’re talking about the municipalities of Greece.

CT: [OV] That’s what I--

CHS: I don’t get why the fuck they want you there.

CT: --that’s what I, look I, I don’t know. But I see it as a free trip to Greece though.
Why not. Right?

CHS: I guess.

CT: Because first of all I want…

CHS: If you’re going to be there through the 19th, why not?

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CT: Yeah, right?

CHS: Did they close down Burberry? Oh no it’s over there. What was the store here?
Money Exchange?

CT: [UI] Nordstrom Rack?

CHS: Where the fuck is Nordstrom Rack?

CT: Down all the way by the Ghirardelli.

CHS: Oh my God.

CT: Is it far?

CHS: Yeah that’s fucking far.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: Do you see the fuck…do you see the Hancock over there? The Hancock’s all the
way--

CT: Yeah.

CHS: --over there. It’s a one mile walk over there.

CT: No.

CHS: Yeah. That magnificent--

CT: Should we go to [UI]?

CHS: --mile starts here.

CT: How about we go to Tumi [UI]. Oh the Water Tower, man. That’s where we
should go.

CHS: Water Tower’s all the way over there.

CT: [UI] let’s go. If you got a ticket, I will pay you for it. Because they’re not going
to [UI], they’re not going to [UI].

CHS: I can add money to the parking.

[Siren in background]

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CT: Online?

CHS: On my phone.

CT: I think it’s free at 9:00.

CHS: Uhuh, at 10. Yeah 10:00 it’s free.

CT: Sure?

CHS: Mm-hmm. Or it might be, it might be overnight here downtown.

[Sirens in background]

CT: [UI] He looked at you like she told him something about you. Did you see that?

CHS: Eh?

CT: Because he looked at you kinda like, ah…

[Sirens in background]

CHS: I can smell an Israeli from a mile away, dude. I can tell you who is fucking Israeli
[laughing] like...I can tell you what any language anyone is speaking on the
streets. I might not SIA

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: --but I can hear something and be like, oh that’s Slovakian or that’s fucking
Russian or…

CT: What about, do you know how Turkish sounds?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Yeah. [UI, Mimicks foreign language]

CHS: [UI, mimicks foreign language]Very high pitched.

CT: Yeah. [UI, mimicks foreign language] [Laughs] It’s like Hin-it’s like Hindi and
like--

CHS: [UI, mimicks foreign language]

CT: Yeah [laughs] it’s like Hindi and Norwegian combined.

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[Laughter]

CHS: Hindi and Norwegian is perfect. [Laughing]

CT: Right?

CHS: That’s exactly what it sounds like. What does Portuguese sound like?

CT: [UI, mimicks foreign language]

CHS: [UI, mimicks foreign language]

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: It sounds like a-an Italian and a French person had a baby who had a
mental…who had, uh, Downs Syndrome.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: Here this is the where to walk on Michigan Avenue. This is where to walk. Do
you want to go to Burberry?

CT: [UI]

CHS: They are over there.

CT: No they’re not.

CHS: I don’t know.

CT: [UI, mimicks foreign language] How does SIA sound? Do you SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: No you don’t.

CHS: [UI]

CT: Get the fuck--

CHS: SIA

CT: Get out of here.

CHS: Yeah.
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CT: You- [laughs] speak some.

CHS: What do you want me to say?

CT: Say…

CHS: SIA

CT: Yeah, but say like my name is…

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA [UI]

CHS: Making me walk. That’s why I have a fucking car, so we don’t have to walk.

[Background conversations]

CHS: Fuck these malakas. Yeah they’re Christmas shopping. You see, hey they’re
Christmas shopping.

CT: [Chuckles]

[Background voices]

CHS: All the stores are closed, buddy.

CT: Huh?

CHS: All the stores are closed.

CT: No. They close at nine.

CHS: This little Apple store is closed.

CT: [OV] The Apple store is closed?

CHS: Cole Haan is closed. Yeah.

CT: I think they probably being robbed that’s why they, uh--

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

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CHS: SIA

CT: [UI].

CHS: Huh?

CT: The [UI] the Israeli video that you had in the car.

CHS: SIA

CT: I think Mossad’s actually in, ah, Water Tower as well.

CHS: SIA

CT: They’re also in, in Water Tower, too.

CHS: No.

CT: Yeah they are.

CHS: We talk to them.

CT: [UI] to them.

CHS: I’m going to tell them you know Eli Groaner--

CT: [UI]

CHS: --he’s my, uh, he’s my best, he’s my lifetime man.

CT: Yeah [UI].

CHS: The fuck. How does…

CT: Dude, I don’t know. My life is weird, man. [UI]

CHS: How in the fuck you meet the motherfucker?

CT: He was working at the embassy in D.C. like 2000--

CHS: The Israeli embassy in D.C.?

CT: Yeah. That’s why I knew him. When he was like a-a counselor there.

CHS: He’s a malaka.

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CT: He just got his new job now.

CHS: When did he get hired over there?

CT: Like two months ago, three months ago.

CHS: Really? And he’s already fucking big shit?

CT: It’s a small world, brother.

CHS: Too many malakas.

CT: Dude, I just like the [UI] person I don’t give a fuck [UI] if they’re a good person,
I’ll hang out with them. I don’t care. If they’re weirdos, fuck it, you know.

[Siren in background]

CHS: I say everyone’s fucking weird. Just how weird is the question.

CT: [Chuckles]

CHS: Am I right?

CT: You messaged SIA right now you’ll be talking three hours on text.

CHS: He is fucking weird.

CT: Yeah so are we going to meet up? He’s just like, thought we were just going to
text all night. [Laughs]

CHS: [Laughs]

CT: Thought we were just going to text all night. Pokemon, man.

CHS: That little fucker.

CT: It’s actually nice to walk off that meal that was…

CHS: Wasn’t that fucking fried chicken delicious?

CT: [Chuckles] Oh, SIA , man?

CHS: I texted her last night.

CT: Oh yeah?

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CHS: I said, What are you doing?

CT: What is she up to?

CHS: I think she’s at home in the suburbs.

CT: Why did she move to Chicago? I thought she was in D.C.

CHS: Yeah. She broke up with her boyfriend out there. She’s going to take the bar
here. I think she wants to just stay home.

CT: D.C. is, I-I hate that city.

CHS: You know I can’t be seen with you, right?

CT: [UI]

CHS: Huh?

CT: Why is that? [Chuckling].

CHS: Because the Mossad’s looking for me.

CT: They got my back, man. I’ll probably talk [chuckling].

CHS: Yeah I’m-I’m saying you probably fucking…you’re probably working out a deal
with them motherfuckers on me.

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: Be fucking extradited to Israel.

CT: [Laughing]

CHS: You would never fucking do that to me. You’re too good of a fucking boy.
You’re not a dick.

CT: Oh, man, that’s some funny stuff. [UI] disappears.

CHS: SIA [PH] disappears.

CT: I can’t believe SIA fired them.

CHS: They didn’t really fire them. They just like forced them into, uh, retirement.

CT: [OV] [UI] firing, dude.


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CHS: Yeah.

CT: It’s like a job is cutting you from 40 hours a week to 18. Oh yeah, um, because
they don’t want to pay the, uh, severance.

CHS: Wow.

[Background conversations]

CHS: Oh my God. If another motherfucker bumps into me on Michigan Avenue, I’m


going to fucking throw my coffee on them. I fucking hate walking in this fucking
crowded mosh pit of fucking nastiness.

CT: [Chuckling] [UI] How many Pokemon did you catch out here?

CHS: Five teen.

CT: Huh?

CHS: Five teen.

CT: I think Oprah lives up there.

CHS: No she lives in…she used to live in the Hancock. I think she’s in L.A. now.

CT: No, she’s up there. I think she has the [UI]--

[Traffic sounds]
CHS: She moved to L.A. She said fuck this shit.

CT: L.A.’s a-a garbage city.

CHS: You’ve been?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: How is it a garb…it’s a fucking great city. People are pretentious there just like
all the Korean men, but--.

[Background conversations]

CHS: Oh shit.

CT: [Chuckling] [UI] choking her out.

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CHS: That’s the best way to do it. Do you want to go into Macy’s or do you want to go
in the Water Tower?

CT: Water Tower.

CHS: Where are you going? Let’s go this way.

CT: Huh?

CHS: I was going to say, Why you going this way?

CT: That way if there’s nothing here, we’ll go to Nordstrom Rack. Nordstrom Rack
[UI].

CHS: Yeah I got nothing to do all day and just walk.

CT: What you got to do, you got to go [UI].

CHS: [UI] wellI mean it’s not like I got to go home soon. I’m fucking tired. I got to go
to church tomorrow. I got like…

CT: What time’s that at?

CHS: SIA

CT: You go in the morning, you don’t go in the evening?

CHS: Uh-uh. I’m SIA tomorrow evening.

CT: That’s right. Well I’ll just see if they got anything. Do you want to look at
anything here?

CHS: What do you want to look at? Let’s go up to the men’s part of Macy’s.

CT: Alright. They got some of [UI].

CHS: Let’s go see if we see any of our Hebrew friends here.

CT: Yeah I think they’re on the third floor.

CHS: Third floor? You know exactly where they are?

CT: I think they’re either…

CHS: You fucking Mossad spy. You’re a fucking spy.

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CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: Dude, so say this Albanian guy like--

CT: [OV] That was weird.

CHS: --what if he fucking wants like…what if he’s going to pay you some fucking
money to introduce--

CT: No it doesn’t work like that, man. Once you’re in government…ri-riight now the
only reason I can talk funny and like stupid is because I’m a private citizen. You
get it? The second you actually are in it, you become owned. That’s just the

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honest, that’s just the truth. Like right now I can be flexible and I can go to
Greece, I can talk to who I want but once you’re actually a government person--

CHS: What if they tell you you’ve got to come back to the U.S. so as soon as you leave
for Greece, don’t they have to do training?

CT: I don’t think I would do that.

CHS: No?

CT: I wouldn’t come back that soon. I want to enjoy my time there.

CHS: That’s four years of bullshit. No, uh…

CT: Yeah because I don’t want…because if I’m going to do that, then I want to enjoy
my time there. Do they actually have those things in here, too?

CHS: What?

CT: Pokemon? It’s on the third floor [UI].

CHS: How do you get on the third floor? [Pause] Tell them we got to go, we got to go
to fucking Greece soon, man. You got to fucking tell them let’s go. I ain’t got
fucking time for this shit. Call him.

CT: [UI]

CHS: Tell that fucking cocksucker like, hey you got to let me know now. I ain’tgoing
to spend $3,000 on my fucking ticket.

CT: I think…

CHS: Where’s the, where’s my Mossad friends?

CT: [UI]

CHS: What do you want for Christmas?

CT: You.

CHS: Oh baby.

CT: [Chuckling]

CHS: Oh baby.

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CT: [Singing] All I want for Christmas is you. How does that song go?

CHS: [Singing in high pitch] All I want for Christmas is you.

CT: [Simultaneously singing] Is you.

CHS: [Singing in high pitch] Oh baby.

CT: Sale man, [UI] sale going down.

CHS: They always have a sale. It’s going down, down, down. You can’t fucking afford
no Tumi [PH].

CT: Actually I have a Tumi backpack and Tumi briefcase. [Laughs]

CHS: I got…where’s that, the I got the leather roll-on.

CT: Do you know how much I paid for my backpack?

CHS: How much?

CT: Seven hundred bucks.

CHS: Why would you do that?

CT: Because I had to pay 250 extra bucks at when I was in London.

CHS: Why would you buy it in London?

CT: Well because I was living there. You know?

CHS: Dummy.

CT: [UI]

CHS: I got this guy right here.

CT: I have the [UI].

CHS: Oh no not this one.

CT: That…that was this one right here, the 1100. [UI].

[Music in background]

CHS: Why would you get that, dude?


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CT: Not this exact one but the version that was…how much are they now? Yeah 945,
yeah. They’re still the same price. So I got…mine’s actually much nicer than

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that but it’s, that’s what it is. [UI] you need to have that with you when you walk
in to a serious place, man.

CHS: See this…yeah this is the one I have but it’s in leather. It’s fucking great.

CT: You have this?

CHS: It’s expand, yeah. This…you know the commuter flights and in Europe, this
works because like you can, you can’t take your regular carryon…

CT: This is nice.

CHS: It’s, it looks exactly like this but it’s, it’s that size. But it, on a commuter flight
you need something like that because you can fit it into the overhead storage on
those small-ass flights.

CT: I don’t know what I came up with [UI]. What do, what do you think about these
backpacks?

CHS: You can go to, yeahI don’t like them.

CT: [UI]

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: That’s what he told you. [Pause] Oh he got freaked out on you that was so funny.

CHS: I’m going to go up to J…let’s go check out J Crew.

CT: Yeah we’re going up.

CHS: I really don’t want to go anywhere. I want to go to sleep. [Laughs]

CT: You want to go to sleep?

CHS: [Laughing]

CT: [UI]

CHS: What the fuck are you going to do today?

CT: Fuck, go home and relax.


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CHS: Does your mom make turkey or does she make turkey gyros?

CT: No, we went to Ditkas [PH].

CHS: Why the fuck do you go to Ditkas?

CT: It’s so bad. It was so bad.

CHS: Why would you go there for Thanksgiving?

CT: Well because they have like buffets, turkey. No one wanted to cook it and then
we went to my aunt’s house for like dessert.

CHS: Your whole family went to Ditkas?

CT: Just my nuclear, my immediate family. And then we went to my aunt’s


afterward. What’d, what’d you do?

CHS: Just stayed at home.

CT: Did you cook?

CHS: Yeah. I smoked turkey and I, and I ah cooked turkey in my oven. [Pause] I’m
fucking done.

CT: Done?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Dude, let’s go.

CHS: Let’s get the fuck outta here.

CT: Get the fuck outta here. Do you want to go to Nordstrom Rack?

CHS: You want to go, let’s go.

CT: Yeah let’s go to Nordstrom Rack. It’s, there and at least I know whe could get
good deals. I--

CHS: [OV] Let’s take the elevator.

CT: I bought…they have a Bur- a wool Burberry suit there. From 2,200. It’s like 800
bucks off.

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CHS: Get the fuck out. I wouldn’t spend that much money on anything.

CT: No?

CHS: No. My SIA suitcase cost $1,300. I wouldn’t spend that on that. I got it for 600
bucks. I said that’s…

CT: Where’d you get it from?

CHS: Macy’s. Coupons on top of coupons, I love it when they have fucking coupons. I
wouldn’t buy anything otherwise. I don’t have that kind of fucking money.

CT: Casino has it.

CHS: Yeah. Tomorrow.

CT: [On telephone] [UI] Hey, Mike, how’s it going? How’s everything? [Pause]
Yea-yea-yeah uh, I’m out, but, um, yeah I was going to call you when I got home
but I don’t want it to get too late. Um, are you going to be up for a while so we
can talk a bit or-or what are you, what’s your plan for tonight? [Pause] Ah,
probably about an hour, is that fine? [Pause] Okay. [Pause] Sounds good.

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Because yeah because I just, I-I stepped out around 5:00, ah, when you called
earlier, I’m still out, but, um… [Pause] Alright sounds good, Mike. Thanks a lot.

CHS: Mike Pence?

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: Yeah this is Mike Pence, look at you.

CT: I just call him Mike.

CHS: Hey, Mikey, how you doing?

CT: [OV] [UI] Mike. Hey Mike. I forget about Pence, [UI].seems like a nice guy,
though.

CHS: No. No. I, you know, honestly, Trump isn’t the…Trump is an angel compared to
Mike Pence.

CT: Who would have been a better choice?

CHS: Trump.

CT: Huh?

CHS: Trump, 100 percent.

CT: As Vice President?

CHS: No, as a, as a President. Mike Pence is, man…

CT: That’s what I’m saying who is better, who for theVice President pick?

CHS: Who would have been a great, ah, Vice Presidential pick? Um…Paul Ryan.
Would have been an excellent choice even though I think I would have voted for

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him if he fucking…if he ran. [Pause] I think my wet dream now is that, ah,
Donald and, ah, Mikey go down to, ah, to Israel as soon –

CT: Oh speaking of that…

CHS: -- this is my wet dream. And like they accidentally die and then Paul Ryan
becomes President and he’s third in line.

CT: Ray Ban’s 30 percent off.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here. What the fucking you need a Ray Ban, it’s winter.

CT: It’s winter. [Laughing]

CHS: Okay you guys going or you’re not going? Or what the fuck you guys doing?

[Movement]

CT: [Laughing]

[Traffic noises]

CHS: Is it, it’s over there isn’t it?

CT: [Laughing] [UI].

CHS: Was that hilarious?

CT: [Laughing] what you said [UI].

CHS: Are you guys going? Are you fucking going or not going? What the fuck you
doing?

CT: [Laughing] They looked at you…

CHS: Sitting there playing games in the fucking doorway. Like get the fuck outta here.
Control your kids. You know, you know which kids are the worst?

CT: Huh?

CHS: Arab, Greek, and Mexican kids. Those kids are fucking devils.

CT: [Laughing] [UI] oh see I love your outspokenness, man. [UI] anything [UI].

CHS: Unfiltered.

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[Horn honks]

CHS: You know what it’s all about, right?

CT: What? SIA

CHS: SIA It’s all about the malakas.

CT: It’s all about the malakas. What the fuck…

[Traffic noise]

CHS: [Singing] Trumpety, Trump, Trump, Trumpety, Trump Trump…

CT: Trumpety Trump Trump. And it’s a hotel, dog. I got 30 percent there if you want
it.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here. I wouldn’t pay 30 percent of that 30 percent to go stay at
the fucking Peninsula.

CT: You ever stay there?

CHS: No.

CT: Yeah I heard it’s like the best hotel in Chicago.

CHS: I thought the Four Seasons was. The W is nice.

CT: Do you like Dana Hotel?

CHS: I’ve never been to a Dana Hotel…that I can remember. I’ve stayed at more
fucking hotels than I can fucking remember.

CT: You guys going? You’re not going? What are you doing? [Laughing]

CHS: What the fuck you doin’?

[Background conversation]

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: You guys going, not going, p[UI]. [Walking] What up?

CHS: [In high pitched voice] A puppy.


CT: Beautiful.

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CHS: Beautiful. He can’t hear because he’s got all that hair in his ear. [Laughs]

CT: [UI] SIA [PH].

CHS: Huh?

CT: SIA sued the SIA

CHS: Sued the what?

CT: SIA [PH].

CHS: SIA

CT: [UI]

CHS: SIA [PH], oh, SIA

CT: [UI] [Laughing] Is she still doing that shit?

CHS: No, she don’t do that shit.

CT: Dude, what was she doing?

CHS: Uh.

CT: What the hell is going on?

CHS: She lost her fucking mind.

CT: [UI]. What was that?

[Background conversation]

CT: She’s always dating somebody you knew as you would say.

CHS: All the time. [UI] crossing.

CT: [Chuckling] Always dating somebody [UI].

CHS: She was always dating them Indians.

CT: Woo.

CHS: That smells like weed.

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CT: [Chuckling] [UI]

CHS: It’s all that…that pro-, all them protestors. [Laughs]

CT: Whoa. Dude, [UI] is for sale [UI].

CHS: Shit.

CT: Extra 30 percent off, man, [UI].

CHS: [OV] Extra.

[UI sound]

CHS: Hey, Crossfire Typhoon, you should just start screaming black lives matter.

CT: [UI] Tumi.

CHS: Tumi SIA

CT: [UI], man. [UI]

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: Something SIA

CHS: SIA

CT: [OV] Remember that one?

CHS: SIA

CT: [UI]

CHS: SIA

CT: You sing actually pretty good.

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CHS: Yeah see. I remem-I fucking, I learn SIA from the SIA . You can never
buy your girlfriend anything from Nordstrom Rack.

CT: Why?

CHS: Because then she’s going to start wanting Nordstrom shit. Where you going,
aren’t the men’s over here?

CT: Sometimes they have like $2,000 suits here for like 200 bucks.

CHS: Do you know what happens? This Christmas…how do you say Merry Christmas
in SIA

CT: SIA

CHS: SIA No isn’t that happy new year or happy birthday?

CT: Oh [UI] I’m sorry. SIA

CHS: Who?

CT: SIA [PH]…

CHS: SIA

SIA
CT: … [PH]…

CHS: …SIA

CT: …SIA [PH].

CHS: …SIA [PH]. SIA [PH].

CT: [Whispering] [UI].

CHS: Oh my God. SIA SIA

[Background music]

[Pause]

[UI noises]

CHS: Hey SIA . I mean SIA

CT: SIA that means--


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CHS: SIA [Chuckles]

CT: What about these, these look good for you.

CHS: What size is this? Ten and a half, my ass.

CT: [Laughing] What size are you?

CHS: SIA

CT: No, you’re not.

CHS: I’m a SIA

CT: You got clown shoes?

CHS: Yep. All day, every day.

CT: How much taller is your family?

CHS: My mom’s SIA . My dad’s SIA

CT: Awe your dad’s SIA

CHS: Yeah. Oh he’s like SIA now…

CT: [OV] Why don’t you get these right here.

CHS: Yeah short. Oh, man, those are fucking, Ferragamo’s [PH] is beautiful.

CT: How sick are these, huh?

CHS: Oh my God I’d be fitting in…


SIA
CT: These are

CHS: …with the protestors downstairs.

CT: Okay what’s the original price of these?

CHS: Too much.

CT: Twelve hundred. They could be all your’s for 300 bucks right now.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.


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CT: Ferragamo’s you want that [UI].

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: I’m going to go look at the shirts on this rack.

CHS: The who?

CT: I’ll meet you on the other side, all right?

CHS: I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming.

CT: [UI]

CHS: These cowboys.

CT: [UI] tell you what [UI].

CHS: No, your size a size ten.

CT: [Laughs]

CHS: …stop, stop, stop, ah…

CT: [UI]

CHS: …stop pretending.

CT: Oh these are cool.

CHS: Those are very nice.

CT: [UI].

CHS: You’ll walk right into them. [UI]

CT: [UI]

CHS: Would you wear those?

CT: These?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: I would if I was in London.


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CHS: No you wouldn’t.

CT: I wouldn’t wear them here. They, it’s not the style here in Chicago. It’s too
conservative here.

CHS: SIA

CT: Dude, these are like you, man.

CHS: SIA

CT: These are you.

CHS: No those are, those is, those [UI] very you.

CT: I think it’s you.

[Horn sound]

CHS: Oh, there’s my parking.

CT: [Chuckling]

CHS: [High voice] My parking.

CT: [Singing] Cry. Oh these are swiss.

CHS: Oh in SIA we say, uh, [UI].

CT: [OV] These are [UI], dude.

CHS: You have the people’s parking.

CT: Do you like these?

CHS: It’s horrible.

CT: [UI] French.

CHS: [UI]

CT: Are you French?

CHS: I am from French.

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CT: She said, I am from French.

CHS: Malakas.

CT: [UI]

[Movement]

CT: [UI]

CHS: You going to check out the prints?

CT: Hello? [Pause]No. [Pause] I’ll be back in an hour, be back in, probably an hour.

CHS: Less than an hour.

CT: Less than an hour, less than an hour. Alright bye. Shirts over here [UI] dude you,
uh, [UI]?

CHS: No, [UI]. SIA

CT: [UI].

CHS: You racist fuck.

CT: [UI].

CHS: You’re such a racist fuck.

CT: [UI]

[Beeping]

CT: [UI]

CHS: This is you, buddy. Right here.

CT: [Chuckles]

CHS: Oh this is clearance so it’s an extra 30 percent off of clearance.

CT: Sh--

CHS: Sheesh. I wear this. Can I wear this in Greece?

CT: [UI] ask your friends.


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CHS: Huh?

CT: British [UI].

CHS: You know where the, you know where the best Nordstrom Rack in the, the-the in
the suburbs?

CT: Hm.

CHS: At the, at the outlets, go to the outlets, let’s go to the outlets next week.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: Or you’re gone.

CT: I don’t know, man. I don’t even know [UI].

CHS: I ain’t got all day waiting for this shit.

CT: [UI]

CHS: Call this malaka.

CT: [UI] in here?

CHS: They’re everywhere, man.

CT: That’s the difference though, right?

[Crowd talking in background]

CHS: Hey if we went to Israel you think Eli’s going to take care of us?

CT: Fucking government you have to ask , nope.

CHS: He’s not going to take care of us?

CT: No. [UI]

CHS: If he makes security go easy for us, let’s go.

CT: I got to get him into the thing. And I could get you in too.

CHS: I want to fucking have, I want to have castles around the world, man.

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CT: Isn’t that the best. That’s why government’s the best. It’s not the most money
but the perks are as if you’re making a million [UI].

CHS: I wouldn’t make seven hundred, 170,000.

CT: Everybody does.

CHS: You do?

CT: Everybody makes it who’s in the government.

CHS: Even if I was your assistant?

CT: Yeah because it’s a federal job. It’s one of the 4,000 that they’re giving up.
Those are all $170,000 jobs.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here. How many jobs?

CT: Four thousand.

CHS: That’s fucking ridiculous. That’s fucking ridiculous.

CT: Well think about it. You’re creating the government from the ground up.

CHS: From the ground up? What, what was, uh--

CT: All of Obama’s guys are being replaced.


CHS: SIA

UM: [UI]

CHS: You, too.

CT: Unless he’s [UI].

CHS: This guy iscreepy.

CT: Huh?

CHS: This guy’s creepy.

CT: What?

CHS: He’s creepy.

CT: Yeah why?


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CHS: Look at him. SIA

CT: [UI]

UF: [Laughs].

CHS: SIA

[UI sounds]

CT: Do you play the lottery, man? [UI] million.

CHS: Get the fuck outta here.

CT: What do you think?

CHS: No one’s going to win.

CT: You might win at the casinos.

CHS: In Thessaloniki’s.

CT: You didn’t find anything you liked, huh?

CHS: [UI] next time.

CT: [Singing] [UI]

CHS: Uh, what’s this?

UF: [UI]

CT: [UI]?
[Music background]

CHS: SIA

CT: Hey dude [UI] right here?

CHS: Those, yeah SIA showed me this place. It’s great, man.

CT: [UI] I love it. [UI]

CHS: SIA

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CT: Is that the song [UI].

CHS: SIA

CT: [UI] restaurants in Chicago [UI].

CHS: SIA [PH]?

CT: Yeah.

CHS: I’m going to take you to Milt’s Barbeque For The Perplexed.

CT: Where’s this?

CHS: It’s close over, ah, it’s up where you used to live.

CT: Where, in Lincoln [UI]?

CHS: On Sheridan [PH]…no, on Clark.

CT: Oh oh….I miss that area of Chicago, dude. It’s such a nice area.

CHS: It’s up on, that, that restaurant’s pretty great.

CT: It’s called Milt’s?

CHS: Milt’s Barbeque For The Perplexed is what it’s called…SIA restaurant. They’re
closed…

CT: [UI] that girl was 21.

CHS: Yeah so is this guy.

CT: [Chuckles] [UI]

CHS: That’s like, that’s kinda how I look with my girlfriend. [Laughs]

CT: No.

CHS: Yeah. [Chuckling].

CT: [UI] you look exactly the same [UI] you haven’t changed at all.

CHS: Neither have you, malaka.

CT: Really?
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CHS: You lost a couple hairs but that’s it.

CT: Yeah. [UI] It gets the both of us, the best of us, man.

CHS: Sheesh. The fucking stress, man.

CT: I just happened to get my grandfathers gene who went bald.

CHS: Oh your mother’s side?

CT: Yeah. But my brother has a full head so what was his [UI]--

CHS: [OV] How old is he?

CT: --26, almost 27.

CHS: Was your sister there at Thanksgiving, too, or just…

CT: No. No.

CHS: It’s just the three of you’s, right?

CT: Yep. My brother and sister and my, um, [UI]--

[Background voices]
CT: But I see her as my, you know, sister. I don’t, I don’t say oh [UI].

CHS: Step-sister.

CT: Yeah so I don’t…I think we all three came from my Mom’s vagina, man. We’re,
we’re all in it together. [Laughing] Am I right? Right?
CHS: Fuck.

CT: Do you have any si- half-sisters or brothers?

CHS: Not that I know of. I have plenty of, ah, SIA

CT: Oh yeah?

CHS: Yeah. One of them was a prostitute. Let me tell, let me tell you this story.

CT: What?

CHS: My SIA he--

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CT: [UI]

CHS: --dr- he was driving a limousine and he picked up some girl…I guess she was
probably going to give him head.

CT: Yeah.

CHS: But he be, I don’t know if before or after. The story is before like he saw her in a
parking lot but I know she was a fucking prostitute. She openly admitted she was
a prostitute.

CT: [UI]

CHS: And so my assumption is he’s like, ah, you going to give me some head or
something?

CT: [UI] at the time?

CHS: And, and then afterwards he goes you look familiar--

CT: [UI]

CHS: Huh?

CT: [UI].

CHS: No.

CT: Was she white?

CHS: She’s white as fuck.

CT: Okay.

CHS: And, uh, my SIA like, you look familiar. Turns out she’s, uh, he asked who her
mom…who-who her mom was, who her dad was. She didn’t know who her dad

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was so they automatically knew that it was my grandfather’s daughter because like
back then he owned a bar and her mom was working that bar. Let’s fucking go.

[Running noises]

CHS: Woohohoo.

CT: SIA

CHS: So they tried to get her off the streets and, you knowyou know it was hard to get
her off the fucking streets. She-she started working for my SIA Everyone
started--

CT: He married her?

CHS: --feeling bad for her.

CT: He married her?

CHS: [Chuckling] No. But…

CT: What’d he do then?

CHS: She just went back to the streets, man. They tried to pay for a tattoo removal of her
pimp’s name on her neck.

CT: She had that on there?

CHS: Yeah.

CT: No.

CHS: Yeah.

CT: Now who was this person…related to?

CHS: My SIA

CT: Oh my goodness. It’s…have you ever met her?

CHS: Yeah! I hung out with her. I was trying to like help her get off the streets. Like I
was like hey, you know, if you need help or anything…where the fuck’s the, we,
we’re up one more street?

[Horn honks]

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CT: Oh, smells good.

CHS: It smells like you, Greek gyros. Smells like Greek town.

CT: Like Greek town.

[Background voices]

CHS: We go, we go down one more block, I think.

[Horn honks]

CHS: I miss California Pizza Kitchen. Their hummus is fucking delicious, man.

CT: You’re killing me.

CHS: Their, their hummus is fucking delicious.

CT: I’ve never had it. But I-I do enjoy this pizza here. It’s nice. I can’t do the thick
crust, it’s just too heavy.

CHS: Do you want me to give you my resumé? What the fuck do you want me to do?

CT: Let me…I got to get in first and then I can control everything. Then everything’s
just, then I just bring you in just like, dude.

CHS: You don’t need my resumé?

CT: How do you think I’m getting in? Because I have personal connections to the very
high up guys, that’s all. Do you actually think that if I send a resumé that they

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would even fucking look at it? Probably 50,000 people have sent their resumé.
None of us have [UI] look at any of this and no one’s looking at any [UI].

[Traffic noises]

CHS: But it would be for sure for four years? No one, no one’s going to fucking…

CT: Well as long as you do your job right.

CHS: I’ll do my fucking job right.

CT: Yeah, [UI] you know that.

CHS: I just want to, I want to fucking know that, uh--

CT: [OV] Dude, I wouldn’t--

CHS: --I’m like secured for four years.

CT: --I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t secured for four years.

CHS: Yeah we’re straight up the street. [Pause] We get to travel?

CT: What?

CHS: Will we get to travel or will we just going to be stuck in the fucking White House?

CT: Dude, who knows, man. You don’t know what life brings, you know, so I’m-I’m
the kind of guy I never fuck shit. You know I just wait until the results and the only
thing I ever talk is what I…

[End of recording]

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UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE


FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

File Number: Case identifier

Requesting Official(s) and Office(s): FBI employee/

Task Number(s) and Date Completed: 628391, 12/21/2016


635144, 12/22/2016

Name and Office of Linguist(s): FBI employee , ITAC

Name and Office of Reviewer(s): FBI employee , ITAC

Source Language(s): English List of redacted categories:


TPN = Third Party Name
Target Language: English DIR = Directions
TPE = Third Party Establishment/Location
Source File Information
CCR_007.wav SIA = Source Identifying Attribute
TPA = Third Party Attribute

VERBATIM TRANSCRIPTION

Participants:
CT Crossfire Typhoon
CHS Confidential Human Source
FBI employee

Declassified by C28W34B64 on
5/4/2020
Abbreviations:
This redacted version only
UI Unintelligible
OV Overlapping Voices
PH Phonetic

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[TN: Per case agent's instruction, participants throughout are identified as Crossfire Typhoon
(CT) and Confidential Human Source (CHS). On page 11, CT and CHS state combined name
moniker, which has been minimized.]

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