Script Coverage

Title:  Daisy

Author(s):  Sean Elwood

Pages:  11

Genre:  Romance, Mystery

Circa:  Contemporary

Locale:  Big city (mostly in a park)

Analyst:  Julie Averette

Log line:  Just as it seems everyone has forgotten him, a young man reunites with an attractive brunette
from his past who unearths a shocking truth.
 
Excellent Good Fair Poor

✗
Concept    

✗
Story Structure       
 

✗
Characters       

✗ 
Dialogue  

✗
Visuals    

Writer:  Pass, consider or recommend

Script:   Pass, consider or recommend

Budget:  High, medium or low

Synopsis:  
PARKER LAIDEN (28) finds himself in a park right outside the city taking in the vibrant life of autumn and
the people around him. It is a beautiful afternoon in the present day, and he can not help but notice
how everyone has someone unlike himself. Parker heads home for the day, and his feelings of self pity
continue, as not even a taxi cab will give him a second thought. However, a voice deters his thoughts,
and his eyes meet DAISY RICHARDS (27).

The young woman notices he is struggling calling a cab and persuades him to leave his futile attempt for
a walk through the sunset-kissed city. Something about Daisy is familiar, and Parker can not shake the
feeling that they have met before. Upon inquiry, Daisy reminds him that they dated in high school.
Amazed at how long it has been since they last saw each other, the two embrace and fill each other in
on the ten years they have been apart.

Daisy and Parker venture deeper into the park as the thought of getting home leaves their minds. Daisy
informs Parker that she moved to the city and brings up past relationships – something both are
struggling with. Parker tells Daisy that he has not seen anyone since his college girlfriend for fear of
another failed relationship – or worse, a failed marriage. Daisy says he is not alone. She and her
boyfriend broke up months ago, and since then, she has felt like everyone is avoiding her. Parker tells
her that he also has felt very alone recently.

The conversation shifts to the time Daisy and Parker dated, and they reflect on how much happier they
were together. There are deep regrets of how things ended, and they share with one another that there
are moments they wish they had taken advantage of, such as keeping old relationships more alive. As
they part ways, Daisy and Parker decide to keep in touch.

Parker enters his apartment, inhabited only by himself and his cat CHOLO, who expresses extreme
distaste for Parker. A bit surprised by Cholo’s animosity, Parker heads to bed. He is awoken the next
morning by a phone call from Daisy. She has found something that he needs to see. Her voice is
distressed and, through tears, she urges Parker to meet her at the park immediately.

He finds Daisy on a bench in the park holding a newspaper with tears coming down her face. She hands
the newspaper to Parker and tells hims to read the obituaries. Confused, Parker does what he is told and
halts when he finds his picture next to Daisy’s. He sets the newspaper aside, and tries to make sense of
the situation. Daisy recalls her grandmother telling her that the only way to get into Heaven is by having
your most wanted wish to be fulfilled. This only seems to confuse Parker even more. The thought of
being trapped on Earth forever becomes too much for Daisy to handle, and she turns to leave. Parker
stops her, and confesses to her that he is still in love with her. Daisy is stunned to silence and embraces
Parker tightly, who pulls her into a kiss. All of a sudden, a bright light engulfs them.

Back at Daisy’s apartment, a woman opens a desk drawer containing Daisy’s diary. She flips to her last
entry, which says: “I wish somebody would love me back . . .”

Comments:
A mixture of romance and mystery makes for a modern take on THE TWILIGHT ZONE series in this story
of rekindled love and ghostly apparitions. What at first seemed to be a somewhat ordinary backdrop
with conventional characters turned into an unforeseen supernatural circumstance that brought
together all the minute details hinting at the chilling twist. With a rewrite of some added dialogue and
deeper character development, performers would have an exciting time on this project.

This script is about Parker reuniting with Daisy, a girl from his past, while both are in the throes of
feeling lost and forgotten about. While they are busy catching up, Daisy discovers horrifying news that
explains why everyone has been ignoring them: they are dead. The concept of the script is not too
original – it bears some similarities to films such as THE SIXTH SENSE – but the reasoning provided for
how the two can make it to heaven is one not touched on much. The idea of fulfilling one final wish
before moving on has some depth and could be expanded upon. The plot does have a few holes that
take away from the meat of the story. It is unclear how Daisy and Parker died or for how long they have
been dead. The last scene is also a bit confusing – whose apartment is the woman entering? Who even
is the woman, and what is her connection to Daisy? The plot twist is very sudden, which is a strength of
the script because it will catch viewers by surprise. However, more interactions between Parker and
Daisy prior to the revelation would have added a nice touch to the suspense build up.

While the concept itself is not unheard of, it could evolve into something much more intricate and full of
more twists and turns than the main characters finding out they are deceased. The concept received an
excellent rating because while it is a bit underdeveloped, it leaves plenty room for idea expansions and
character arcs. When Parker and Daisy are enveloped in a bright light at the end of the story, it is
implied that they have finally left the Earth. This implication adds color to an otherwise fairly cliché
storyline.

The structure of the script does only a fair job at executing the storyline. There are several grammatical
and spelling errors throughout the script, and some of the character names seem to be mixed up during
the dialogue. The most suspenseful moment in the story is when Daisy calls Parker saying she has
important news to tell him. This tension is unmatched by any other moment in the story, so as not to
take away from the climax. However, adding a few other tense moments between Daisy and Parker, or
of their separate lives, would definitely create conflict that builds towards the climax.

The characters are left open to interpretation for their physical descriptions and emotional and
behavioral tendencies. This is good because it won’t limit the talent that auditions for the roles;
however, a bit more could have been suggested so the reader can relate and visualize Parker and Daisy
better. By having such seemingly bland and two-dimensional characters, it may be difficult to attract
well-known talent to the roles. There is also some reluctance regarding the name of Parker’s cat: Cholo.
Upon research, “cholo” is a racial slur for a “lower-class Mexican.” This may upset a demographic of
people, and it is suggested that the name be changed.

Two protagonists, Daisy and Parker, occupy the screen up until the very last scene, and most of the
dialogue happens between them. The dialogue is fair at best – short sentences, an abundance of cliché
phrases, and predictable conversation formation. The heaviest dialogue is during the scene in which the
two characters reflect on their previous relationships, and this scene adds substance to the type of
people they are. The tone is reliable throughout the script; it is obvious that Daisy is panicked when she
reads that she is deceased, and Parker’s apathetic, almost depressed outlook on life is easily picked up in
the beginning of the story. More dialogue is needed during the obituary scene. This scene relies heavily
on footage that does not contain speech so as to establish suspense. Although, the absence of speech
becomes an absence of explanation for how the two got into this supernatural situation. 

The writer does an excellent job of painting a visual for the kind of day the story opens to, and continues
to update the reader on how the day appears as the story progresses. This provides a solid sense of
time. The characters are very limited in their own descriptions, but because there are hardly any minor
characters or subplots scattered in the story, it is very easy to focus on the protagonists and visualize
them in a way personable to the script reader. There does not seem to be a need for special effects
pertaining to the characters themselves. The only moment that may warrant some cinematic effect is
when the bright light surrounds just Parker and Daisy.

The ineffective display of character development and lack of tension build up does not reflect negatively
on the script itself but more so on the skills of the writer. The writer receives a pass for his ineptitude at
script writing. The script, however, receives a consider because real potential can be found if flavor and
color are added to the events leading up to the big reveal and to the actual climax of the story. It seems
the writer intends for the theme to be “all things work out in the end,” or “speaking with an open heart
will grant you peace,” and if the script aims towards a theme such as these, the writer’s criteria for
reaching heaven will seem less of a selfish request. The budget for this film is low due to the singular
main setting – a big city – that switches specific settings only a few times and all relatively close to one
another (the park, Parker’s apartment, the apartment mentioned in the end scene). There are also very
few, if any, special effects required for the story and only three mentioned people, which will lower cost
of design and talent pay. Commerciality will most likely not be the intended goal for this film, for it does
not highlight any groundbreaking character revelations or ask much of its talent; however, the
experience of working on a project with such a plot twist will be enjoyable for any talent looking to find
proper footing in the film industry.