Slide 1  Effective Management Skills: ___________________________________ 

Communication and Listening

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Presented by ___________________________________ 
Margaret Fitch-Hauser, Ph.D.
The Leadership Communication Group, LLC
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Slide 2  ___________________________________ 
Objectives
Develop familiarity with the elements of credible
communication, ___________________________________ 
Learn ways to make communication more assertive and
responsive,
Learn about listening styles,
Develop skills in identifying other people’s communication ___________________________________ 
needs,
Identify strategies for working with difficult people,
Apply effective communication to challenging situations.
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Slide 3  ___________________________________ 
Managerial Competencies
Listen actively ___________________________________ 
Give clear, effective instructions
Accept your share of responsibility for
situations.
Identify real problems. ___________________________________ 
Manage time and set priorities.

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Slide 4  ___________________________________ 

Give recognition for excellent

performance. ___________________________________ 
Communicate decisions to employees.

Communicate effectively orally.

Shift priorities when necessary. ___________________________________ 

Explain work

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Slide 5  ___________________________________ 
Effective Communication

Intent = Impact ___________________________________ 

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Slide 6  Components of Effective ___________________________________ 

Communication
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Slide 7  ___________________________________ 
Credibility

Credibility must be earned. It

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comes when you have established
trust.

You establish trust when you show

you are willing to listen and when
you can balance advocacy of what
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you what and need and inquiry
about what the other person
thinks, feels, and needs.

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Slide 8  ___________________________________ 
What we communicate
and how we do it …
Are you a affects our ability to
deal with differences.
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CREDIBLE
Poor communication can
Communicator? lead to
misunderstanding, ___________________________________ 
unhelpful emotions,
distrust, sloppy thinking,
and poor outcome.
Roger Fisher & Scott Brown
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Getting Together: Building a
Relationship That Gets to Yes.

 
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Slide 9  ___________________________________ 
Content
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How we
present an
idea will help ___________________________________ 
us win peoples’
minds.
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Slide 10  ___________________________________ 
Tools for Delivering Messages

Advocacy and Inquiry ___________________________________ 

Priming
Framing
Listening preferences ___________________________________ 
Empathy
Face saving
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Slide 11  ___________________________________ 
Advocacy and Inquiry
Present relevant information in an unforgettable way.

Use clear, logical arguments and evidence.

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Ask provocative questions that are on target.

Engage others in a two-way dialogue.

Encourage others to draw their own conclusions. ___________________________________ 

Create an intellectual “Safe Zone.”

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Slide 12  ___________________________________ 
Priming
Preparing the other ___________________________________ 
person to receive or
think about a topic

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Slide 13  ___________________________________ 
Framing
Selecting words and ___________________________________ 
phrases that express
the idea as well as
the sense of the
idea that you want ___________________________________ 
to get across.

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Slide 14  ___________________________________ 
Framing tools
Words ___________________________________ 
Phrases

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Spontaneity

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Slide 15  ___________________________________ 

Messages are given meaning by the

context as well as the words and ___________________________________ 
phrases used to express the idea.
The meaning of any event or message
depends upon how we perceive the
frame in which it is presented. ___________________________________ 
When we change the frame, we change
the meaning.
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Slide 16  Use Credible Communication to ___________________________________ 
Receive and Send Messages
Use open-ended questions. ___________________________________ 
Use reflective listening and paraphrase
what you think you heard.
Listen for feelings.
Use relevant and specific examples. ___________________________________ 
Summarize major ideas.
Use appropriate nonverbal behavior.

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Slide 17  ___________________________________ 
Communication Strategies
Deal with the problem, not the person. ___________________________________ 
Appeal to a common goal and point out
WIFM.
Respond, don’t react.

Use relevant and specific examples. ___________________________________ 

Deal with behavioral effects.

Assume responsibility for your own actions

and thoughts. ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 18  ___________________________________ 
Respond Effectively
Seek information. ___________________________________ 
Ask about the other person’s
reactions and feelings.
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Seek necessary changes in
your own behavior.

Listen to verbal & nonverbal

messages. ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 19  ___________________________________ 
Listen to the What and How
Listen for clues about how the other party takes
in information ___________________________________ 
Try to identify their preferred sensory modality

If you identify a preferred mode, match it ___________________________________ 

Let your eyes listen to what their body is telling
you.

Listen for what words get stressed as they talk. ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 20  ___________________________________ 
DESC
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Describe

Express
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Specify

Consequences
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Slide 21  ___________________________________ 
First line of Defense:
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Slide 22  ___________________________________ 
Are You Listening?
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Listening = The
process of receiving,
constructing meaning
from, and responding ___________________________________ 
to spoken and/or
nonverbal messages

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Slide 23  ___________________________________ 
The Listening Process
Responding
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Evaluating

Interpreting ___________________________________ 
Attending

Receiving ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 24  ___________________________________ 
Levels of Listening
Passive
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Empathetic Responsive

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Reflective Selective

Active
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Slide 25  ___________________________________ 
Improve Your Listening
Mentally prepare to listen ___________________________________ 
Analyze the topic & situation in advance
Focus & concentrate
If appropriate, take notes ___________________________________ 
Resist internal & external distractions
Ask good questions
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Slide 26  ___________________________________ 

Paraphrase ___________________________________ 
Check your motives and biases
Analyze nonverbal cues
Remember what the speaker said ___________________________________ 

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Slide 27  ___________________________________ 
Listen with empathy
Starting your message ___________________________________ 
where the other
person is
emotionally and
conceptually. ___________________________________ 

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Slide 28  ___________________________________ 

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Slide 29  ___________________________________ 

“To listen is to have the ___________________________________ 

creative power to imagine
how it would make sense to
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say what the other person is
saying.”
…Carl Rogers ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 30  ___________________________________ 
Empathetic Listening
“I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose my job.” ___________________________________ 
Acknowledge • “It sounds like…”
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Reflect • “you’re really worried…”

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Describe • “about budget cuts.”
 
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Slide 31  ___________________________________ 
Get Them to Listen
WIFM ___________________________________ 

HWIAM
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WM

WWYDFM
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Slide 32  ___________________________________ 
Listening Preferences
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People

Content
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Action Time
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Slide 33  ___________________________________ 
Using Listening Preferences
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Understand
own
LPP
Diagnose the
Communication
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Communication Needs of
habits Others

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Slide 34  ___________________________________ 
Face saving
Maintaining the dignity ___________________________________ 
of all parties
involved.

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Slide 35  ___________________________________ 
How we lose face
Having an overture rebuffed ___________________________________ 
Getting a personal insult
Receiving a derogatory comment
Feeling that our status is Disregarded ___________________________________ 
Being forced to give up a cherished value

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Slide 36  ___________________________________ 
Losing face continued
Making an unnecessary concession ___________________________________ 
Failing to achieve goals
Having a personal inadequacy revealed
Damaging a valued relationship ___________________________________ 

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Slide 37  ___________________________________ 
Working With Difficult People

The evidence is clear … difficult ___________________________________ 

people are everywhere, and the
people they torment have to find
some way to interact with them. ___________________________________ 
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to
Working With Difficult People.
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Slide 38  ___________________________________ 
Difficult situations
Anger ___________________________________ 
Defensiveness
Difficult Characters
Vortex situations ___________________________________ 

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Slide 39  ___________________________________ 
Dealing with the Angry person
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Slide 40  ___________________________________ 
Strategies
Look for the underlying source of anger. ___________________________________ 
Identify the direction of the anger
Engage rather than withdraw
Avoid taking the anger personally ___________________________________ 
Adopt other-centered worldview.
Normalize the anger.
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Slide 41  ___________________________________ 
BATHE
Background: Listen to understand the
situation and the context.
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Affect: Name the emotion.
Troubles: Explore what is disturbing to
the other person ___________________________________ 
Handling: Find out how they are
handling the situation
Empathy: Display empathy and concern. ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 42  ___________________________________ 
Defensiveness
Becoming self protective when ___________________________________ 
perceiving an attack.

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Slide 43  Supportive vs. Defensive ___________________________________ 
Communication
Certain communication behaviors make ___________________________________ 
an interaction climate more supportive
while others tend to create a more
defensive climate. ___________________________________ 

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Slide 44  ___________________________________ 
Supportive Vs Defensive
Defensive Supportive
Evaluative Descriptive
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Problem
Control
oriented
Strategy Spontaneity ___________________________________ 
Neutrality Empathy

Superiority Equality

Certainty Provisionalism
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Slide 45  ___________________________________ 
Handling Problem People/Situations

Stay calm – don’t respond in anger; ___________________________________ 

attempt to calm employees who are
upset.
Do your research – find out the details ___________________________________ 
of the problem from all points of view.
Show empathy – show your
understanding and commitment for ___________________________________ 
solving the problem.

 
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Slide 46  ___________________________________ 

Check back – make sure that the ___________________________________ 

problem has been handled
satisfactorily.
Slow the pace – try to slow down the ___________________________________ 
pace of conversation
Listen carefully – monitor your own
biases and don’t let them get in the way ___________________________________ 
of truly listening to your “customer”.

 
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Slide 47  ___________________________________ 

Maintain eye contact – let the other ___________________________________ 

person know you are still listening to
him or her.
Let the person finish – Don’t interrupt ___________________________________ 
or try to finish sentences.
Don’t take anything personally – Don’t
try to fight back even if unpleasant or ___________________________________ 
nasty things are said about you.

 
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Slide 48  ___________________________________ 

Agree when you can – When you hear ___________________________________ 

the other person say something you can
agree with, state your agreement.
Think before you respond. ___________________________________ 
Look for ways to compromise, if
possible.
Look for alternative solutions, if ___________________________________ 
possible.

 
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Slide 49  ___________________________________ 
Conflict:
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The interaction of
interdependent people who
perceive incompatible desires,
goals, personal comforts, or
communication preferences, ___________________________________ 
and the possibility of
interference from others as a
result of this incompatibility.
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Folgers, Poole, & Stutman (2009) Working Through Conflict:
Strategies for relationships, groups, & organizations.

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Slide 50  ___________________________________ 
Conflict:
Is emotionally defined ___________________________________ 
Is emotionally valenced

Invokes a moral stance ___________________________________ 

Is identity-based

Is relational ___________________________________ 
Bodker & Jameson (2001) Emotion in Conflict Formation
and Its Transformation
 
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Slide 51  ___________________________________ 
Delivering Criticism
Deal with a few issues ___________________________________ 
Attack the problem

Demonstrate effect(s)

Avoid absolutes ___________________________________ 

Give specific feedback

Give timely feedback

Deal with things the person can change ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 52  ___________________________________ 
Delivering Bad News
Don’t attack. ___________________________________ 
Don’t dump the laundry list.
Be clear. Monitor your tone of voice.
Support the “company” line. ___________________________________ 
Don’t blame cast.
Do maintain everyone’s dignity.
Do deliver the news in person.
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Slide 53  ___________________________________ 
Steps to use:
Find out what the other person knows or ___________________________________ 
thinks.
If appropriate, provide an overview of the
situation so all parties have the same ___________________________________ 
information.
Give the information in small chunks.
Monitor the nonverbal behavior of the ___________________________________ 
other party.

 
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Slide 54  ___________________________________ 

Give fair warning that you are going to ___________________________________ 

deliver bad news.
Sit quietly to let the other person process
the information. ___________________________________ 
Listen carefully and acknowledge the
other person’s emotions.
Normalize and validate the emotional ___________________________________ 
response.

 
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Slide 55  ___________________________________ 

Give the other person an opportunity to ___________________________________ 

ask questions or make comments.
Present information at the other person’s
pace. ___________________________________ 
If appropriate, develop a follow-up plan.

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Slide 56  ___________________________________ 
Responding to a Difficult One
Ask for time to stop and think
Listen to your heart
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Hold your immediate response
When the other party yells, hold your response
until the yelling stops.
Remember, explaining won’t help
Let the other person know you hear ___________________________________ 
Ask what the other person would like you to do
State what you want
Negotiate
Get verbal acknowledgment on agreement
Give the other party the last word, if possible.
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Slide 57  ___________________________________ 
Know how to apologize

•Acknowledge ___________________________________ 
Step 1

Step 2 •Apologize
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Step 3 •Make it right
Step 4 •Recommit ___________________________________ 

 
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Slide 58  ___________________________________ 
Conflict in a negotiation setting
Negotiation is the
process we use to
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satisfy our needs
when someone else
controls what we
want.

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Slide 59  ___________________________________ 
When does negotiation occur?
 . . . Whenever ___________________________________ 
people exchange
ideas with the
intention of
changing ___________________________________ 
relationships,
whenever they
confer agreement,
then they negotiate. ___________________________________ 
 Gerard Nierenberg

 
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Slide 60  ___________________________________ 
Listen to Negotiate Better

Balance your needs with their needs. ___________________________________ 

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You want They want

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Slide 61  ___________________________________ 
Building blocks for successful negotiations

Logic
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Reason

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Patience
Persistence
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Slide 62  ___________________________________ 
Prepare to Negotiate
Define your goals and objectives ___________________________________ 
Clarify the issues
Do your homework
“Humanize” and set the climate ___________________________________ 
Identify internal and external issues
Determine desired outcome
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Slide 63  ___________________________________ 
Basic Elements of Negotiation

Separate the people from

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the problem
Focus on interests not
positions
Invent options for mutual
gain
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Insist on using objective
criteria
Know your BATNA
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Fisher & Ury. Getting to Yes

 
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Slide 64  ___________________________________ 
Flexible or Rigid? (The Tao of Leadership)

At birth, a person is flexible and flowing. At death, a person

becomes rigid and blocked.
Consider the lives of plants and trees: during their time of
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great growth, they are relatively tender and pliant. But when
they are full grown or begin to die, they become tough and
brittle.
The tree which has grown up and becomes rigid is cut into
lumber.
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The rigid group leader may be able to lead repetitious and
structured exercises but can’t cope with lively group
processes.
Whatever is flexible and flowing will tend to grow. Whatever ___________________________________ 
is rigid and blocked will atrophy and die.

 
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