4.

09 Revise and Edit worksheet

To show what you have learned about revising and editing, you will revise and edit the
second body paragraph of your response to the module writing prompt. If you need
inspiration, check out the original and revised body paragraph in the lesson.

In the space below, paste your second body paragraph as it was written in your first
complete draft.

To start off, John Muir and William Wordsworth use imagery to show their loving relationship with
nature. According to Wandered Lonely as a Cloud by William Wordsworth,” When all at once I saw a
crowd, A host, of Golding daffodils; beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and dancing in the
breeze.” Here William shows imagery by describing how the daffodils look. The way he describes it just
shows how much he loves nature. According to the Calypso Borealis by John Muir,” But when the sun
was getting low and everything seemed most bewildering and discouraging, I found beautiful Calypso on
the mossy bank of a stream.” Muir is explaining the scenario. Everything is sad and gloomy until he sees
this beautiful flower that turns that sadness into happiness.

Revision Focus: Idea Development and Transitions

Carry out the following revisions to improve your second body paragraph.

1. Introduction of quotation: Improve the introduction of at least two of your

quotations. Highlight the revision.
2. Evidence: Add or change (make it shorter, make it longer, or change it entirely) two
examples in the paragraph. If you add an example, be sure it is explained. Highlight
the revision.
3. Explanation: Strengthen the explanation of two of your examples by connecting the
evidence and the controlling idea. Highlight the revision.
4. Connections: Add an explanation that connects the two texts. Highlight the revision.
5. Transitions: Include a minimum of three transitional words or phrases to connect
ideas. Highlight the transitions in your topic sentence and within your body
paragraph.
6. Edit: Read your new and improved second body paragraph. Ensure the spelling,
punctuation, and usage are correct.

Include your revised and edited paragraph below:

To begin with, John Muir and William Wordsworth use imagery to show their loving relationship with
nature. When the author writes in Wandered Lonely as a Cloud by William Wordsworth,” When all at
once I saw a crowd, A host, of Golding daffodils; beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and
4.09 Revise and Edit worksheet

dancing in the breeze.” William Wordsworth also stated in wandered lonely as a Cloud,” I gazed- and
gazed but little thought what wealth she show to me had brought”. This sentence I think is great
example because William is using imagery to describe how the daffodils look. In addition, he is using
imagery by describing what he saw and that it made him feel wealthy. The way he describes it just
shows how much he loves nature. To continue, as John Muir explains in Calypso Borealis,” But when the
sun was getting low and everything seemed most bewildering and discouraging, I found beautiful
Calypso on the mossy bank of a stream.” Muir is explaining the scenario where everything is sad and
gloomy until he sees this beautiful flower that turns that sadness that he had into happiness. Both
authors use unique writings to express their feelings towards nature.