Bullying: Myth vs.

Reality
By Craig Willits

If your child is a victim of bullying, what do you do? What advice do you give them on how to deal with the
situation? Recent research shows what you think you know about bullying may be wrong.

To better equip parents of bullied children, we debunk the following five commonly-believed myths about bullying
courtesy of the Olweus Institute, internationally recognized for their research into bullying behavior.

Myth #1: Bullies are insecure or have low self-esteem. They bully others to feel better about themselves.

Research Findings: Bullies actually have higher than average self-esteem. They also tend to be aggressive
and show little compassion.

Myth #2: Bullies are looking for attention. Ignore them and they'll stop picking on you.

Research Findings: Bullies are looking to control others. When ignored, they seldom stop bullying. Instead,
they increase their efforts until an adult authority figure intervenes.

Myth #3: Kids bully because they are immature; they will eventually "grow out of it" as they get older.

Research Findings: Bullies seldom outgrow their behavior; they simply change their targets and methods.
One study found sixty percent of boys identified as bullies in middle school had committed at least one
crime by age 24.

Myth #4: It's normal for kids to be cruel to those who are "different."

Research Findings: Bullies seldom choose victims because of physical characteristics. The typical victim is
chosen because they are sensitive, anxious, and/or lacking assertiveness.

Myth #5: Victims of bullying need to learn to be assertive and to stand up for themselves.

Research Findings: Bullies victimize those they have power over and can control. The typical victim is
usually younger or physically or emotionally weaker than the bully. They may lack social skills or friends
who can protect them. In this situation, the victim's verbal assertiveness will not change the power
balance, and therefore will not stop the bullying.

For parents who want to partner effectively with their children to deal with bullies, the Kidz 'n' Power (KNP) web
site has an outstanding bully resource page. The Olweus Institute's web site is another excellent resource for
parents and educators seeking more information on how to deal with bullying.

My own studio uses the KNP bullying curriculum with our school-age martial arts students. This curriculum,
which was developed in cooperation with the Olweus Institute, uses role-playing and scenario training to raise
kids' awareness about bullying and to equip them to respond effectively. Given our clients' expectation that their
children will gain some ability to defend themselves from training in martial arts, we consider it a necessary
component of our self-defense training for children.
If your child is a victim of bullying, and you are considering enrolling them in martial arts training to give them the
skills to cope, look carefully. Most martial arts schools are ill-equipped to meet your need, especially those focused
on sport competition. Choose a studio where the instructors are knowledgeable about bullying and can give your
child the proper training.

Craig Willits has been teaching traditional martial arts since 2001 and reality-based self-defense since 2003. He is the owner and chief
instructor at Spotsylvania Martial Arts in Fredericksburg VA. Spotsylvania Martial Arts offers training in the following areas:

 Tiny Tigers (Martial Arts Pre-Skill Program for Ages 4-6): Physical and Mental Agility, Focus, Awareness, Child Safety
 Martial Arts for Children (Ages 6-12): Better Grades, Self-Discipline, Respect, Enhanced Focus, Kids' Self Defense
 Martial Arts for Teens & Adults (Ages 13 and Up): Self-Discipline, Physical Fitness, Goal-Setting, Self Defense

Spotsylvania Martial Arts Training Facility

4100 Lafayette Blvd, Fredericksburg VA 22408
Commerce Center Plaza (across from Spotswood Baptist Church)
Phone: 540-891-9008 Website: spotsybba.com

Copyright © 2011 by Spotsylvania Martial Arts - all rights reserved. This article may not be copied in whole or in part without the written
consent of Spotsylvania Martial Arts.