Cocktail Aphorisms: Batch 2.

7th January 2011.

By George Sinclair.

Customers pay for their drinks, guests do not; Make sure the people who
walk through your door know which group they belong to.

"Don't confuse progress with amelioration" - Jean-Paul Sartre

Long Island Iced Tea (simple version): 50ml white rum, 15ml fresh lime
juice, topped with cola; Served over ice in a tall glass.

Flower Sour, By Amanda Humphreys;

60ml BLOOM Gin,

25ml Lemon Juice,
Egg White,
4 dashes Lavender Bitters,
4 dashes Grapefruit Bitters,
1/2 barspoon Violet Syrup;

Shake all ingredients very hard over ice and build into a
glass with crushed ice, edible flowers (in this instance dried clover)

There is such a thing as a drink being too smooth; I am all for flavour.

The garnish shouldn't cost more than the alcohol used in the actual drink;
Vanilla pods for example.

As a Martini is a sophisticated drink, it must be well-dressed; None of this

"Naked" malarkey.

Can't believe that there are still people that think that the Pina Colada was
invented in Puerto Rico; Does evidence mean nothing to these people?

Is it me or is the lay-back the tackiest practice in bartending? Or did

someone just run out of glasses?

…at a lose to understand why the Savoy Cocktail Book is such a venerated
tome; It’s just a copy and paste from other, better, cocktail books, with the
addition of mistakes.

This is a Julep Strainer Free Zone.

It is truly cringe worthy the way in which the English language is brutalised
by those desperate to express their "expertise" in mixology; "Murder me, but
not my language".

A "Dash" is not an amount, rather it is an action.

The word "Caipirinha" is Brazilian/ Portuguese, and so there is no accent

above the "n"; The "ñ" character is only used in the Spanish language.

"Then to the flowing bowl I adjourn,

My lips the secret well of Life to learn,
And lip to lip it murmured "while you live",
Drink, for once dead you never shall return."
--- Omar Khayyam

It infuriates me when certain brands are only interested in shifting units;

They don't seem to mine when they devalue their product; And use it in the
same way as you would if you were to mix neutral spirit with frozen
lemonade.

"Bargain like a gypsy, but pay like a gentleman."

--- Hungarian Proverb.

Can't believe that some people still think that swapping the main spirit in a
cocktail for another one is in someway creative; This is not the 1950s; Spirit
and mixer is not really that creative.

A Mint Julep is technically a Julep; whereas a Mint Smash is technically a

Smash; technically that is.

Flair bartending is as necessary to cocktails as card tricks are to the poker

table.

Give some bartenders money, or free stock, and they will endorse anything.

"Tiki is the cocktail world's version of blackface. And I'm no Al Jolson". ---
Lance Mayhew.

Why are so many bartenders stuck in the 1920s? It sickens me.

… occasionally riled by how overly grandiose some peoples comments are;

Specifically where cocktail blogs are concerned.

Frozen Lemonade is not a respectable mixer for a damn fine bourbon; Once
again I am referring to Basil Hayden, and their facebook page.
Most bartender's idea of mixing sour and sweet elements results in neutral
flavour; This is then mislabeled as "Balanced"; What do these kids know of
sophistication?
When writing cocktail books: Whatever cannot be corroborated shall be
omitted; The spreading of mere hearsay does more harm than good.

Cocktails: Focus on the flavour.

What's this? Four hour old lime juice is superior to freshly squeezed lime
juice? Curiouser and curiouser.

…wondering if there really is such a thing as a trend in bartending; Are we

just at the mercy of marketing departments trying to justify their budgets.

Surely the bar world hasn't let itself become as whimsical as the fashion
industry; A different season, a different product, simply for the hell of it; Or
is it merely a trick of perception?

Why is it that the bar manager is seldom the best at bartending?

Everyone should help the barback; It's a bar-team after all.

Why do people always try to group drinks together into categories, or worse
still, family trees; Just try to remember individual drinks for what they are.

nepenthe \ni-PEN-thee\, noun:

1. A drug or drink, or the plant yielding it, mentioned by ancient writers as
having the power to bring forgetfulness of sorrow or trouble.
2. Anything inducing a pleasurable sensation of forgetfulness, esp. of sorrow
or trouble.

… slightly perplexed by a number of johnny-come-latelys who appear to

have a prepondency for rehashing commonly available information on the
subject of cocktails, and then passing it on as if they were the divine oracles
of said information.

So it appears that Punch is going to be the next big thing; Can someone tell
me how this is any different from jugs of cocktails? Other than the punch-
bowl.

I would rather be served five well-mixed individual drinks, than have their
equivalent lazily served in a punch-bowl, stirred with ice.

How to make up a Punch-bowl: Pour in the ingredients, and give it a quick

stir. Or perhaps mix the drink up thoroughly in a jug, and i mean thoroughly,
and then pour it into the punch-bowl, with fresh, larger lumps of ice. You
see, my peeve with the commonly prepared punch is that it is not prepared
competently enough.

It's not about the possible combinations of flavours, but rather the desirable
combinations of flavours.
Don't be surprised when journalists/ trade magazines give favourable
reviews to their own products.

Believe in the Store n' Pour; Quite why people pour their juices into wine
bottles and attach speed pourers is beyond me; It does not look better, nor
does it pour better.

A tip for the preparation of the Vodka Espresso is to add the ice last, and
the hot espresso first; This way hot espresso does not contact cold ice, and
thus cause over-dilution of the drink.

"...giving great customer service is simple, but not easy." --- Darryl Rosen.

"People will forget what you told them, people will forget who you are, but
people will never forget how you made them feel"
--- Maya Angelou

It is a sad fact that some folks will drink anything; No matter how
unbalanced it is.

When it comes to cocktails, there is such a thing as being "too smooth".

Things are a product of their particular place and time, but this is being
ignored, with regards to the current prepondency for replicating the recipes
of the past; And all in the name of "Authenticity" apparently.

Mixed drinks of yore were made with expensive ingredients as a statement

of social stature; "I am considerably richer than you", therefore I drink
better than you; Eggs, cream, tea, spices, were once seen as expensive
commodities; Nowadays, these ingredients can be procured quite
inexpensively, and so their inclusion in mixed drinks should derive from
flavour rather than boastfulness; Same goes for gold leaf.

If bartenders worked on a need to know basis, then what would be the level
of importance of Scotch Whisky in comparison with the sales of beer?
Obviously this doesn't apply to all bars, but do all bartenders really need to
have a complete knowledge of all things bar-related?

Sugar, when added in increasing amounts, has the amazing ability of

smothering all the flavours in a drink before it becomes discernibly "sweet";
Some people call this "balanced", I call it "neutral", and this is not a good
thing.

"There does seem to be an eternal search for better pay, conditions and
probably more fun and kudos. The problem is there is a cap on the amount
of money a bartender can actually earn serving drinks and running bars. It is
not an occupation which is going to make you rich. " --- Dick Bradsell, July
2003.
… thinks that Jerry Thomas is over-rated; And is sick of seeing his name
dropped in a way that makes out that he is the greatest thing that ever
happened to cocktails and bartending.

It is quite saddening to see people crediting Dale DeGroff with rejuvenating

the cocktail scene in the UK; Have they never heard of Dick Bradsell?

“If you can’t afford to hire a bartender, you shouldn’t be having a party.”
--- Dustin Terry.

Most bars would frown upon those attempting to order drinks with triple, or
even quadruple, shots of alcohol; However many forget this when serving
Frozen Martinis; A Frozen Martini being gin or vodka, taken from the
freezer, simply poured straight into a glass.

katzenjammer \KAT-suhn-jam-er\, noun:

1. The discomfort and illness experienced as the aftereffects of excessive
drinking; hangover.
2. Uneasiness; anguish; distress.
3. Uproar; clamor.

“Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles
and dies.” ---Albert Camus