In this writing project, I select several research papers in oncology and convert

them into a brochure. The purpose of this brochure is to inform the patient about the

effectiveness of this medicine and attract the potential consumers. In contrast,

academic article shares and discuss the result with other researchers. To fit the new

audience and purpose, I modified the format. jargon, presentation of data and tone of

the research paper.

I select the content of the academic articles to make my brochure more appealing

to the new audiences. I only include the introduction and conclusion sections from the

articles. For the experiment “Pembrolizumab versus ipilimumab in advanced

melanoma”1, I only use the information from the sentence “Response rates were

33.7% for pembrolizumab every 2 weeks (P<0.001 vs. ipilimumab), 32.9% for

pembrolizumab every 3 weeks (P<0.001), and 11.9% for ipilimumab”1 I change this

sentence into a diagram to make the comparison more obvious. I focus on the data

because the patients prefer brief evidence in multiple perspective rather than a

detailed research. Unlike the researchers who determine the reliability of result by

examine its methodology and analysis process. The patients do not have much

background knowledge. Therefore, they are focus more on the meaning of data rather

than the reliability of data. No matter how many details are included, the clinical

research act as one piece of evidence. Statistic result from the clinical trial is

anonymous and the numbers give the sense of cruel and emotionless, it does not

evoke emotion as much as a true story. For this reason, I include the stories from the

community to make the brochure more persuasive. In the brochure, I write a brief
patient story of Summer who was diagnosis of advanced melanoma. Her tumor

shrinks after she start treatment of Keytruda. I also include a quotation from the

patient and a picture of her. I want this story help to step up an example for the

audience and tell them Keytruda can help you as much as she do.

I also rearranged my content to fit the format of brochure. Brochure have a

different sequence of reading. It is based on a folded double-sided A4 paper. If we

number the all six pages of flat paper it would result in in the following.

NUMBERED BROCHURE PAGE 3 REFERS TO THE COVER ON FOUNT SIDE

1 2 3

4 5 6

When the audiences unfold the cover, they will see the page #4 on the left and

page #1 on the right. Then, when they unfold the page #1, they will see page # 5 and

#6. While page #2 is usually viewed at last because it is visible only if the audiences

turn over the brochure after reading other information.

The different type of reading sequence creates different arrangement of content. I

place my introduction on #4 because these paragraphs are providing general

information of the function of KEYTRUDA and its general mechanism. This

information is important background knowledge for the audience to understand

following so I want this paragraph to be read first. More detailed information like the

statistical data and side effects about KEYTRUDA was put on page #5 and #6. Then,

the contact information and financial aid information is arranged on page #2. They are

considered as the least important because only audiences who read the entire brochure

but still have question or interest in KEYTRUDA need the contact information.

Consider the reading experience of the audience, the jargons need to be explained

or avoided. For oncologists who have the background knowledge, jargons efficiently

and precisely transfer the information. For the patients, however, these bulky words

make no sense but influencing the fluency of the brochure.

For instance, in the introduction of the research, the oncologist explain the

mechanism of KEYTRUDA as “When activated T cells reach tumors, they can then

be functionally inactivated by engagement of programmed cell death 1 (PD-1) with its

ligand PD-L1, which is expressed in peripheral tissues and cancers.4,8,9 Two

monoclonal antibodies directed against PD-1, pembrolizumab and nivolumab, have

shown clinical efficacy in patients with melanoma.11-17”1 For patients, it may look

like “when cells reach tumors, it will … which is … and … are efficient in patient

with melanoma” The communication failed because the audiences still have no idea

on the mechanism of the medicine. Therefore, it is important to explain this jargon

intensive sentence with daily expressions. In my brochure, I modified the expression

into “cancer cells use immune check point to hide from attack. It’s like your loyal

police man found your enemy but can’t shot because the trigger was locked. Keytruda

help to free the ‘trigger’ and help your immune system to fight cancer.” In this
sentence, I use the policeman to represent the T- cells and the block on trigger to

explain the mechanism of “programmed cell death 1 (PD-1) with its ligand PD-L1”.

Using metaphors instead of scientific expression promote better understanding and

avoid explaining a lot of jargons.

Another jargon that need to be replaced is the name of the medicine. Medicine

have different names in different fields. During the research process, the oncologists

name the medicine based on its active ingredients. The medicine is called as

pembrolizumab. While for doctors and patients who are using this medicine, they use

the shelf “KEYTRUDA”. Usually, patients do not know the corresponding ingredient

they are taking, and they are confused by this name. Therefore, I replaced ingredient

name with shelf names.

The brochure should have a positive tone to better attract its audiences. A friendly

positive tone helps to create the emotional support to the patients. Even today, with so

many therapies, diagnosis of metastasis melanoma is still viewed as a death sentence.

According to the research, only 6% patients report the disappearance of tumor after

treatment while most patients are still waiting for new treatments. Unlike the doctors

or the researchers who can take this fact as data, the patient and their family feel more

despair about their disease. For them, their life is in the final count down, and all

treatment seems useless in stopping it. Having an encouraging tone is important for

them to regain the confidence to fight cancer. Although in the report, the Keytruda

significantly extend patient’s lifetime. I decide not to use this piece of evidence

because the extended average lifetime is only 14 months, a little bit over one year.
Knowing that there is only around one year left would evoke negative emotion in

patients. Instead, I choose the percentage of patient whose tumor shrink over 30%.

This number also represents the effectiveness of the medicine but it will not evoke

negative emotion.

In conclusion, I modify my writing with reference to my new audiences. The

audiences of the information changed from oncologists who have systematic training

in the discipline and values the research process into patients who favor the evidence

from more than one perspective. I select the content and rearrange them for better

reading experience. I explain the jargons to avoid confusions. I also use a positive

tone to provide emotional support to the patient and try to give them courage to fight

cancer.
Reference list

1. C Robert, J Schachter, GV Long, et al.Pembrolizumab versus ipilimumab in

advanced melanoma N Engl J Med, 372 (2015), pp. 2521-2532