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INTRODUCTION

Over-nurturing is when parents are too involved in the children’s lives by giving

them more attention than necessary. They anticipate their children’s needs even before

their child does.

According to Dr. David Bredehoft , over nurturing can trigger anxiety and stunts

children’s emotional and cognitive growth. Kids also, missing out on learning valuable

life skills.

Over-nurture appears to inhibit the development of a child’s communication and

relationship skills, decision-making, money and time management skills. Further, over

nurtured children may not know how to take an adult responsibility. They rely on others

to complete tasks for them, report by Dr. Bredehoft.

Dr. Bredehoft research indicates that children who were over-nurtured

experience a mixture of positive and negative feelings: a high percentage 48% reported

feeling loved, and 28% reported feeling good because they got everything they wanted,

but 44% felt confused, while 31% felt guilty, bad and sad.

The reason why over nurture happens it’s because of some variety of reasons

from different parents. Due to over nurturing, there were some skills that were missing

that has been reported and these are the communication, interpersonal, and

relationship skills, domestic and home skills, mental and personal health skills, decision

making skills, money and time management skills, as well as learning to be responsible.
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According to the article of Joanne Richard, the author of- Over nurturing bad for

your child’s well-being: Expert- where the research has been done by Dr. David

Bredehoft reports that the over-indulged children are at risk where they have following

difficulties such as; need immediate gratification and have poor self-control; have an

over-blown sense of entitlement; are ungrateful; have poor boundaries; are materialistic;

have overspending and over eating problems; have goals of wealth, fame and image,

and do not want meaningful relationships, personal growth or making the community

better; have not learned valuable adult life skills; are irresponsible; don’t know what is

enough; and have difficulty giving up being the centre of attention.

The result of this study will benefit the parents and caregivers in which it allows

them to know on what are the effects to the development of children if they over-

nurtured them and let them be aware also on how they must nurture the child to avoid

such unnecessary effects. For the children, it will let them aware that being over-

nurtured is not good to their development and for the researchers, the result of this

study will allow them to know on what are the effects of over-nurturing which can affect

the development of a child and for future researchers, this study will serve them as their

guide to the study that they are going to conduct.

This study aims to answer the question what is over-nurturing and its forms,

causes parents to over-nurture their children, how does over nurturing affect the

children’s mental, social and emotional development and how should these children be

dealt with.

With that, researchers struggle to carry out an answers in order to realize this study.
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BODY

Over-nurturing and its forms.

Over-nurturing is being over involved in your children’s lives. It is doing things

that children should be doing for themselves, smothering them with love, allowing them

too many privileges, making sure they will always entertained, and hovering over them

constantly trying to insulate them from frustrations, stress and anxiety.

Parenting style can affect everything can affect everything from how much your

child weighs to how she feels about herself. It’s important to ensure your parenting style

is supporting healthy growth and development because the way you interact with your

child and how you discipline her will influence her for the rest of her life.

According to David J. Bredehoft Ph.D, type of parenting goes by a number of

labels: the over-involved parent, the helicopter parent, the over-protective parent, the

hovering parent, the over-scheduling parent, even the tiger mom (parent) however, he

call it the over-nurturing parent, the second type of over indulgence.

In some article that we had browsed and read, it has been said that in recent

generations, many people have become “super parents”, who hyper-manage everything

in their children’s lives, from what they eat to what sports they play, to their choices of

friends and fashions. They ferry them from activity to activity and make sure they have

the latest electronic gadgets or other trendy items. They may even spend more energy

(and money) on their children’s interest than their own.

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In the 1990’s, the term “helicopter parenting” was coined to describe parents who

hover over their children and intervene on their behalf. Instead of modelling self-

sufficiency and independence, they readily step in to solve their kid’s problems for them,

without realizing that it is sometimes better to step back and let the kids figure stuff out

on their own.

Some psychology experts attribute helicopter parenting or over-nurturing to self-

doubt and perfectionism, proposing that this type of parenting evolves from living

variously through a child rather than allowing them to be their own person, distinct from

the parent.

A parent with this behaviour may be over-compensating for their own low self-

esteem, so they work over time to ensure their children are happy and content. Their

motivation may be that they want their kids to have it all and not suffer any of the

hardships they endured. Researchers have identified four types of parenting styles:

Each style takes a different approach to raising children, and can be identified by a

number of different characteristics.

According to Amy Morin, she identified four types of parenting styles and these

are the authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved parenting in which it has

different approach to raising children and can be identified by a number of different

characteristics.
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Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents are famous for saying, "Because I said so," when a child

questions the reasons behind a rule. They are not interested in negotiating and their

focus is on obedience.

They also don't allow kids to get involved in problem-solving challenges or

obstacles. Instead, they make the rules and enforce the consequences with little regard

for a child's opinion.

Authoritarian parents may use punishments instead of discipline. So rather than

teach a child how to make better choices, they're invested in making kids feel sorry for

their mistakes.

Children who grow up with strict authoritarian parents tend to follow rules much

of the time. But, their obedience comes at a price.

Children of authoritarian parents are at a higher risk of development self-esteem

problems because their opinions aren't valued.

They may also become hostile or aggressive. Rather than think about how to do

things better in the future, they often focus on the anger they feel toward their parents.

Since authoritarian parents are often strict, their children may grow to become good

liars in an effort to avoid punishment.

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Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parents invest time and energy into preventing behavior problems

before they start. They also use positive discipline strategies to reinforce good behavior,

like praise and reward systems.

Researchers have found kids who have authoritative parents are most likely to

become responsible adults who feel comfortable expressing their opinions.

Children raised with authoritative discipline tend to be happy and successful.

They're also more likely to be good at making decisions and evaluating safety risks on

their own.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They

often encourage their children to talk with them about their problems, but they usually

don't put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behavior.

Kids who grow up with permissive parents are more likely to struggle

academically. They may exhibit more behavioral problems as they don't appreciate

authority and rules. They often have low self-esteem and may report a lot of sadness.

They're also at a higher risk for health problems, like obesity, because permissive

parents struggle to limit junk food intake. They are even more likely to have dental

cavities because permissive parents often don't enforce good habits, like ensuring a

child brushes his teeth.

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Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don't devote much

time or energy into meeting children's basic needs.

Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it's not always intentional. A parent

with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able

to care for a child's physical or emotional needs on a consistent basis.

At other times, uninvolved parents lack knowledge about child development. And

sometimes, they're simply overwhelmed with other problems, like work, paying bills, and

managing a household.

Children with uninvolved parents are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues.

They tend to perform poorly in school. They also exhibit frequent behavior problems and

rank low in happiness.

Causes parents to over-nurture their children.

Based on the three research studies on overindulgence conducted by Drs. David

Bredehoft, Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson in 1998, 2000 and 2001, the reason

why parents over-nurtured their children because they may have experienced harsh

treatment as children and do not want to replicate that parenting that cause their child

pain. Their empathy for child’s struggle, they may wish to smooth the way so a child

won’t have to work so hard. They may not be clear about the difference between the

child’s job and the adult’s job, they may be unclear about the developmental capabilities
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of their children at different ages, they may feel guilty and wish to prove the strength of

their connection to the child. They may fear displeasing the child, they may without

being aware, want to support a self-image of being nice and they may not want to come

into conflict with parenting partner or grandparent.

Another aspect of over-nurturing can be seen in a variety of situations and

environments where adults, not wanting to frustrate their child’s offensive behaviour,

end up accepting any behaviours of their children. Adults make these non-instructive

choices out of fear of being further embarrassed, fear of their own ineffectiveness and

fear of disapproval from bystanders.

By being fearful, by not stopping the child’s offensive behaviour, the adult fails to

teach the child which behaviours are unwelcome, unattractive or ineffective. A child who

learns which behaviours help him connect with others and which behaviours push

others away is a very lucky child indeed.

Adults intending to make a secure bond with their children learn to tell the

difference between helping that fails to provide what is necessary and helping that

affirms the child’s competence and provides necessary help.

Over-nurturing affects the children’s mental, social and emotional development.

Children raised in family environments that are too reward-oriented and

permissive or where all their decisions are made for them often, encounter emotional

and behavioural issues as adults. Like birds with their wings clipped, they may lack the
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confidence they need to leave the nest and become independent. They also may lack

confidence in their own judgement and decision-making abilities or, because so many

problems have been handled for them, they may have difficulty managing adversity as a

normal part of life.

Studies have found that addiction results from multiple factors, including

hereditary (addiction can run in families, just like other diseases) and environmental

influences. It may be that over-nurtured kids mature into adults who experience self-

doubt, have difficulty managing responsibilities and adversity, and end up self-

medicating their way through life.

According to a research study that investigated levels of well-being among

college-age adults, an impact of controlling parenting can be higher levels of depression

and decreased satisfaction with life. Parenting behaviours that were characterized as

“hovering” or “smothering” were associated with “lower levels of autonomy, competence

and relatedness”.

The researchers found that college students/children who had been raised

in these types of family environments reported low motivation and low desire to live

independently.

According to the article entitled- The Negative Effects of Over-nurturing by

the Reedley International School- they give four effects and these are the low level of

independence, higher risk of anxiety, self-esteem issues and strong emotional restraint.
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Low Level of Independence

Completely and forcefully controlling all of your children’s activities can result in

them having a low level of independence. This could mean that they will rely on you for

the simplest tasks like eating, sleeping, and taking a bath.

You may believe that there will be no negative implications since they are still

young. However, this could manifest into a behaviour that will lead them to be

dependent to not only you, but also to the other people in their lives.

As much as possible, it’s best to give your kids freedom when they’re doing their

daily tasks. Allow them to do things their own way. In return, you will be providing them

with the chance to build their own sense of identity.

Higher Risk of Anxiety

Helicopter parenting is what happens when the moms or dads constantly hover

over their children’s activities, resulting in suffocating involvement. Ultimately, it hinders

their mental and emotional growth.

The kids experiencing this type of parenting are more likely to develop anxiety

since they are always being closely observed by their guardians. To prevent this, check

yourself if you are constantly looking over their shoulders. Once you determine that you

are, try to distance yourself away from time to time. Give them the opportunity to do

tasks alone.
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Self-Esteem Issues

Over-nurturing parents could have an impactful influence on their children’s self-

esteem. This can lead them to feel as though they are never good enough. You may

think that flooding them with overwhelming attention may help them feel validated but

on the contrary, it provides negative effects.

Being over-nurturing can make them feel like they are incapable or vulnerable

because they cannot handle doing tasks by themselves. An example of this includes

parents who spoon-feed their kids even though they are quite capable of eating on their

own.

Strong Emotional Restraint

When children are put in a constricting environment, they have a tendency to

shut people off. This could often be seen in situations when they exhibit a passive

attitude. For example, they can be overly shy when it comes to sharing their insights. It

is also possible for them to prefer to be alone instead of mingling with others.

Be wary of this attitude because it can ultimately hurt your relationship with them.

As much as possible, communicate with them in a less intrusive way. Let them come to

you and allow them to speak their minds.

Whether or not your children go to an international school in Manila, over-

nurturing could have negative effects on their growth. To prevent them from

manifesting, give them the opportunities to do things on their own and provide them with

the freedom to voice their concerns.

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Identifying this type of behaviour as well as working on improving it will lead to

better opportunities for communication between you and your kids.

How should over-nurtured children should be dealt with.

If you are too focused on your child, you are likely to be ignoring your own needs.

Julie Lythcott-Haims said that despite what you think, your kid is not your passion. If you

are treating them as if they are, you’re placing them in the very untenable and healthy

role of trying to bring fulfilment to your life. Find something else to do.

Mistakes are your child’s greatest teacher, so welcome them when they happen,

whether it’s coming last in something, being dropped from a team or flunking an exam.

Instead of dreading failures, see them as a chance to get ready for adulthood.

Hold your child to account. At each stage of life, check your child is on track to

accomplish basic skills. If they aren’t, put in the time to train them. For example, by the

age of seven, children should be able to help cook meals and make their beds. By nine,

they should know simple sewing, how to take out the rubbish and fold and put away

their clothes. By the age of 13, check that they can iron, use basic hand tools and mow

the lawn.

Ask your child questions to help them work out their own solutions. Instead of

constantly directing them, ask what they think they should do to solve a problem. More

often than not, they will come up with a more practical, age-appropriate solution.
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In a nutshell: Julie Lythcott-Hains’s views on modern parenting (by Anna

Tyzack), there are three kinds of over-parenting: overprotecting (putting buffers and

safety rails in place), overdirecting (managing activities, studies and grades) and hand-

holding (acting as a concierge to help fill in paperwork and talking to authority figures on

their behalf). Many parents are doing all three.

Parents are living in the service of their children and they’re frazzled, worried and

disillusioned as a result. They need to reclaim their own lives, and make time for work

and hobbies and relationships so they can model a healthy, vibrant, adult life.

It’s no wonder 'kids’ don’t want to be adults because parents don’t make

adulthood look terribly enticing.

Our kids have to be there for themselves. That’s a harder truth to swallow when

your child is in the midst of a problem, but taking the long view is the best medicine. Do

too much for them and we make them feel like failures.

Young people should be given free time and space to think. They should have

chores to help build their work ethic but, if they fail at a task, parents should not rush in

to help.

We have to teach our kids that authority figures are people trying to do a good

job who are worthy of respect. If there is a problem, parents must teach their sons and

daughters that they are the ones to have the conversation with that adult: we can coach

them but they shouldn’t depend on mum and dad for that. They should also do their own

work.
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And remember: over parenting doesn’t happen among poorer people because

they’ve got bigger things to focus on. It happens in communities where parents have

disposable time and income.

On a study entitled- Overindulgence- it states that there are many ways that

parents can find some middle ground such as have a reasonable set of rules, be

consistent in enforcing your rules, rules should be developmentally and age appropriate,

set reasonable expectations about chores, and as children demonstrate greater

responsibility, increase their level of freedom.

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CONCLUSION

Therefore, parenting style can truly affect the individual's development in which

that being too much in protecting our child it gives such effects to them that somehow

we might not notice and considered it as normal.

Nurturing activities are vital to children's proper development, providing them with

opportunities to learn and the secure knowledge that they are valued and loved. Parents

have at their disposal many different ways to nurture children's physical, mental, social,

emotional, and cultural development. For example, parents are nurturing their children

when they teach them how to play a sport, how to count to ten, how to read, how to

make friends, how to express their emotions, and how to celebrate communal beliefs

and traditions. Most every interaction parents have with their children can become an

opportunity for a nurturing, supportive exchange when parents approach such

interactions with loving care and creativity.

Nurturing activities should be times of fun, family bonding, and play rather than

strict exercises in memorization, speed, or accuracy. Whether swinging like a monkey in

the park, experimenting with magnets in the kitchen, finger painting in the driveway,

playing make-believe in the attic, cuddling on the couch before bed, or eating family

dinner at Grandma's house, children will appreciate that learning is fun. They will also

learn that the more they try the more successful they'll become. Most importantly,

children will learn that the adults they love love them back, and will support them. This

foundation of love and support sets the stage for healthy family trust and open

communication; a state of affairs that becomes increasingly important as children grow

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to become more independently minded adolescents and naturally encounter more

difficult life choices.

In other words, to ensure the development of the child, our way of nurturing them

must be balance and not too much. Let them experience the things that they must

experience as a child. It is a great privilege to every child that they can enjoy their

childhood as they grow. As what the others mostly say that experience is a great

teacher and through that way, when the children matures, they can identify the

differences between right and wrong and can possess positive manners based on what

they experienced. On the other hand, parents must still at the back of their children

monitoring if the child was still on its track so that, no matter what happen, parents can

reinforce automatically.

That is why, we should remember that nurturing such children must be balance in

order for them to be aware of on what they are going to do so that as they grow in the

near future they can work with their own independently.

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REFERENCES:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11746208/How-to-stop-over-

parenting-your-child.html (November 11, 2018)

https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045 (December 11,

2018)

https://reedleyschool.edu.ph/blog/over-nurturing-negative-effects/ (December 10, 2018)

https://www.recoveryranch.com/articles/codependent-parenting-nurturing-enabling/

(December 03, 2018)

https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/adolescent-issues/helicopter-parenting-

failure-launch-kids/ (December 03, 2018)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/when-your-adult-child-breaks-your-

heart/201402/when-helping-your-child-becomes-enabling (December 03, 2018)

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-013-9716-3 (December 03, 2018)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-angst/201310/codependency-in-children

(December 03, 2018)

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/business-success-therapists/201108/are-you-raising-

codependent-child (December 03, 2018)

http://www.bigelephant.org/signs-you-might-be-a-codependent-parent/ (December 03,

2018)
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https://betterafter50.com/2014/05/enabling-or-nurturing-2/ (December 03, 2018)

https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/8-Signs-You-May-Have-a-Codependent-

Parent (December 03, 2018)

http://www.educarer.org/oi-structure.htm (December 11, 2018)

https://www.selkirkjournal.com/life/relationships/overnuturing-bad-for-your-childs-well-

being-expert/wcm/3a77e6c7-2aa2-4398-93dd-c5fff9c04737 (November 29, 2018)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-age-overindulgence/201811/over-

nurtured-am-i-too-involved-in-all-my-child-does (November 16, 2018)