MODERN CARPENTRY AND WOODWORK: A DIDACTICAL TREATISE

ON COMPARATIVE SYMBOLOGY BETWEEN MODERN AND ANCIENT

FORMS OF CARPENTRY, CRAFTMANSHIP AND WOODWORK

A WALK-THROUGH HISTORY IN PURSUIT OF THE ART OF

CARPENTRY - THE REAL KIND OF CARPENTRY - NOT THE WOODEN
KIND
Here's a most delightful “how to” manual on how to be a true “master” of the art of “true” carpentry –
you know, the “real kind” - not that other boring kind of “wooden” carpentry:
• First, you need to be “born of” a carpenter i.e. you need to come from a family with “a
somewhat long” history of “woodwork” - you know, carpentry. Additionally, make sure that
your immediate father is a man who is very good – in fact, I should say very,very good, with
numbers and all – and is additionally able to “add it up.”
• Then, pick up this most delightful “family trade” - and ensure that this will be your key, main
and only “livelihood” or “vocation”
• NEXT, you need to ensure that your “woodwork” is accurate...very, very accurate and
correct. After all, it would be kind of “ a little bit” difficult to get people to “buy” your
woodwork if it were very unseemly, bent all out of shape, unaligned and all, right? You
wouldn't be able to “sell” people your masterful woodwork, if not for your mastery of art in
wood, that allows you to fashion, cut and forge masterful artful works of sculpture and
furniture....
• SO, MAKE SURE that you acquire for yourself the ESSENTIAL TOOLKIT to assure the
ACCURACY OF YOUR WORK. Helpful tools here include:
• making sure that you always get the “right angle” to ensure that the corners of your
work are all very accurate and right. A most helpful tool here would be the
traditional “square” – you know, that ancient “hand tool that consists of 2 straight
arms at right angles that is traditionally used to construct or test “right” angles...”
• Next, also remember to acquire the appropriate tool to allow you to masterfully
design ,draw out and sketch your plans, especially when dealing with sophisticated
woodwork such as furniture that must be made to fit to perfection or to order. As a
result, and so as to most ably aid you in the design and drawing of the same,
REMEMBER TO ACQUIRE that traditional tool that is used – that has always
been used – to sketch out the correct round and circular designs – you know, the
compass – that “drafting instrument that is used for drawing circles,” also the
“navigational instrument that is used for finding directions,” sometimes also defined
“as an area in which something acts or operates or has power or control,” or the
“limit of capability.”
• In fact, you WILL ONLY NEED THE ABOVE 2 TOOLS to begin with – everything else
will be “kind of” akin to accessories that you can or may use, but are really not that essential
to your artistry in the vocation of carpentry. Although, as an afterthought, the following tools
will also be found to be most helpful: a few screws, and a screwdriver (or two).

• So as to “patent” your masterful craftsmanship and design, remember to always include the
stamp that clearly spells out your handiwork, you know, that masterful letter “G”...which
“G” can be masterfully and artistically made to mean or represent both “God” or the “Goat”
or the “Goat/God Mind”
• After carefully filling out all the necessary official government forms “in triplicate” (of
course), remember to remind the officials to protect your intellectual property rights by
acquiring for themselves a most highly skilled and learned lawyer who will defend the
 governments's right to derive benefits from your works, a chief lawyer by the apt title of
Attorney- General – or just “AG” in short.
• Finally, so as to enable your descendants from your most ancient family line to be able to
ably follow and pick up the “family tradition” and “vocation” of carpentry, remember to
carefully write everything down in a book, and to clearly spell out how to implement all of
your masterful and masterfully crafted designs by explaining it all down in a most revelatory
book that will be inserted as the last chapter or book of your compilation, and remember to
ensure that it appropriately ends at the 22nd chapter – you know, like the “pie” ratio,
something to do with a 22 divided by a 7 , or something of the sort, if I can still remember
my high school maths correctly - being such “a wooden dummy” and all...
• Don't forget to include a little oil in your craftsmanship and handiwork, especially when
dealing with the delicate and intricate, integral parts of your patterned and patented design.
Remember to properly oil the joints to allow for flexible movement between the wooded
parts. Every once in a while a little oil will come in handy especially when dealing with the
screws to closely and perfectly fit in those joints.
• In keeping with the official tradition of always signing, doing or running things in triplicate,
remember to write out an additional 2 extra copies or reference manuals appropriately
numbered in 1 or 2 foreign languages to enable other widely dispersed members of the
family to be able to quickly pick up and follow in the quaint family tradition of carpentry and
woodwork.
• Since the fine art of sophisticated and beautiful carpentry requires masterful craftsmen,
remember to include a special reference manual for the specially chosen ones or the chosen
people, carefully worded out in their language. Use appropriate materials for your writing, so
as to enable them to be able to tally up your designs even when they are muddy or mudded
up.
• The other reference manual should also be very carefully worded up and properly laid out in
a numerically accurate fashion. This is so as to enable other distant descendants to be able to
properly discern the core of your work and run with it.