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File: Ngcama, Thando

By: Ngcama, Thando

Date: 17-02-2020 11:07

Title Thando: thanks for your help.

Also remember that we lost to
write a narrative with
paragraphs. You have not put
any paragraphs in. A
punctuation mark is followed by
a space. And The Names Of
​once upon a time thando was playing with his
People are in capital letters -
they are proper nouns (places
and names of people). Come
friends outside. sissy was playing with a ball in
on Thando you can do a lot

the house . she broke the vase and she went to

hide in her room and mommy called thando and
he took the ball and went to the house and
mommy said thando broke the vase because he
was holding a ball and thando told his mom it
wasnt him because he was playing with his
friends outside and his mom didnt believe him.his
mom slapped him accros the face.he told
mommy to go ask his friends if he was really
playing.the friends said yes he was and mommy
rushed back into the house and said thando your
friends said you were playing so who broke this
vase? sissy looked scared and thando said no it
was sissy .mommy looked her and asked is it
you?she said yes mommy and mommy asked
why she lied and she kept quiet .mommy said
sorry to thando and they arried on as a happy
File: Liversage, Alexis
By: Liversage, Alexis
Date: 17-02-2020 11:07

Alexis I know that you had a
problem with saving your work.
Please do the finishing touches
-as I want to market but more
carefully; you can do this at

How to make people like it? We need to
make it funny!

My Mom and my Dad allways fight when we

need to decide where to eat .PICALINOS,
they have had enough, they ask the children
"where do you want to go?" Oh my
gosh,then there is even more DRAMA .
When the kids have had enough
File: Wilson, Olivia
By: Wilson, Olivia
Date: 17-02-2020 11:07

Title I've just read the Tuckshop

scheme. I thought it was quite
well written -that you have the
potential of becoming a good
writer. To continue to read
books as much as possible -
The Tuck-shop Scheme with lots of writing practice.

Everyday Olivia comes to school , with her mom Diane.

Diane is an ordinary lady, but to Olivia , not so ordinary at
all. Olivia thinks that she is the most embarrassing person
ever, only because Diane is Olivia's mom.

While Olivia is at school, she has to be on her best

behaviour, always. She is always being watched. Why
you might ask? Well, Diane works there. the worst part is
, Olivia can never ever have a break where she only
hangs out with her friends because she is always helping
her mom in the tuck-shop that she owns.

Olivia always wants free food. Diane owns the tuck-shop,

which Olivia doesn't mind , just because she thinks she
can get free food. Diane thinks otherwise. While Olivia
helps her mom sells food at break, she tries to take some
food sneakily. Diane finds out about her misbehaving.
One day at home, Diane confronts Olivia about what she
has been up to. They have a talk about it and come to a

Now at school, Olivia gets a fair share of food with her

mom knowing. The Tuck Scheme is solved.
The end.
File: Malherbe, Donya
By: Malherbe, Donya
Date: 17-02-2020 11:04

The Missing Muffin The missing Muffin, was an

interesting story. You are quite
descriptive -which had me
enjoying the story. Enjoyed the
direct speech. Thank you,

The Missing Muffin

It was a wednesday, exactly 06:03 am, when Donya heard

a loud scream, ''Donya,Aryana,Milad,Ava.'' they all shook in
They all knew she was mad, but they didn't know at what
she was mad about. Their teeth chattering, their stomach
filled with butterflies, she knew someone was in trouble if
not all of them.
''Who ate the last muffin!'', she screamed.

They were shocked. They all knew their mom was saving
that for their dad who was coming from his 3 month
business trip the next day.''I don't care about the muffin, I
just want to know who went behind my back and ate it!''
Aryana screamed, ''Milad, he ate it!''
''Milad is this true!'' asked their mom is disbelief . ''No!'' said
Milad, shocked.

They were already late for school so they left. After school
Aryana told Donya the truth, ''I ate it.'' Donya shocked, said
,'' What, then why did you blame Milad! They told their
mom the truth and Aryana promished she would never do it

The end
File: Gerstl, Gabi
By: Gerstl, Gabi
Date: 17-02-2020 10:51

School is Tough School is Tough. Gabi: you

have quite a good style of
writing. It would have been far
more interesting -having the
story develop a lot more.
Maybe you can just put a bit
more into it. Though I look
forward to reading more of your
written work, in the course of
Read on to find out what Gabi's best decision
this year. Just keep on reading
as much as you can -it will feed

she ever made. into your writing abilities.

Once upon a time there was this family,her

mom and her dad decided for their daughter
to go to Brescia House School. She started in
Grade 0, Gabi loved it, she made lots of friends,
she even looked identical to her best friend.

Gabi was enjoying school every single day until

it got up to Grade 4. She had a best friend
called Amy,they were so close until 2 girls got
between them and tore them apart day by
day, the 2 girls were spreading rumours about
us every day. We got through it day by
day,then she left the school and we stayed
best friends up to this day.

Now it was Grade 5,Gabi was enjoying it until

she was getting bullied everyday of her
life,people were spreading rumours about her
and tore her down day by day but then she
moved schools. And that, was the best decision
she ever made.
File: Govender, Savani
By: Govender, Savani
​ MY FAMILY ISSUE Date: 17-02-2020 10:50
Savani: it's not necessary to
have those Headings i.e.,
Beginning, middle and end. Try
to add more speech in to your
Beginning: work, using speech marks.

It was Savani's fifth birthday and she had a great day. There
was a party for her at one of her favorite places, Spur. All her
friends were invited. Then afterwards her and her family went
home.They had cake and tea with their extended family and
then everyone left. She had an amazing day.

The day after Savani's birthday. Both her and her brother,
Saiyen wanted to get a puppy. So their parents thought about
it and eventually agreed.They looked at a few dogs and then
they found the perfect puppy. It was a toy pom-maltease
cross.They fell in love and took him home.

At first they had a little trouble with naming him but then
Savani thought of a name and so did her mom and dad. But
Savani's brother didn't agree. He said that we should name
him Maximus,Max for short. Then they both started to argue.
Eventually they all agreed on Max and started to love the

(There are 165 words)

File: Levin, Jenna
By: Levin, Jenna
Date: 17-02-2020 10:49

An interesting story, Jenna.

Well done on writing the cruise.
I look for to reading a lot more
of your writing. The way you
To grab the reader's attention, I will bring in fictional plots based on a
laid out your paragraphs -that
was good. Do try to a line your
true story and real drama and conflit. writing to the left hand margin.
It makes it more readable

The Cruise

It was a scorching hot day. Tommy, Sarah and their mom were
rushing to get out the door. There were mountains of traffic on the
way to the harbour, but finally they were in the line to get on the
cruise. They were talking about the adventures they were going to
have in the arctic but suddenly, mom said she had lost the ticket!

They ran to catch a bus to the nearest They

really had to hurry because the ship was leaving in one hour. On
their way back, they caught a train because they missed the bus.
About thirty seconds away from the harbour, Tommy heard the ships
horn blow!

Mom, Sarah and Tommy were standing on the dock watching the
cruise sail away. Sarah begged mom and Tommy to try get on, but it
was hopeless. They just wanted to go home, but Sarah did
something much unexpected.

She leaped onto a speedboat, threw a rope onto the ship

and climbed up. This was followed by Tommy but mom did not
"Come on" called Sarah. Mom decided to jump onto the speedboat
and climbed up. She handed the ticket in and the ship sailed away to
the arctic. Crash! Their ship hit an ice-burg, but that is another story.

The End

File: Pather, Teniya
By: Pather, Teniya
Date: 17-02-2020 10:49

Time for Tour You quite a good writer. Your

story left me wondering if it had
any bearing on reality. Do you
struggle to go on tour? And the
stereotypical dad -saying it like
that. Do stereotypical dads say,
" go and ask your mom"?

Your story, time for tour, had

me remembering what I said -so
typical of dads.

When it's finally time for tour, one of the most

exciting occasions, my parents say no! I get why
my parents would say that, I mean my mom.
My mom says it's dangerous to go, and on the other hand, my
dad says I must ask my mom, why do all dads say that?

I just came back from school today, and I got my tour

form. Maybe last year I didn't get to go, but I
might have a chance this year. I went up to my
my mom and told her how I loved her and lets just say,
it didn't work.

I decided to get straight to the point, but as usual, we

had the same old boring argument. She says it's dangerous
, what if you get lost. It's not like I'm going to go wondering off
in the bushes or something but I know she says what she
says cause she cares.

The last thing I can do is convince her, so I told her I

will wash the dishes and clean my room just please
let me go. She said she will think about it, I mean hey
at least it's not a no.

Word count: 196

File: Nyathi, Nicole
By: Nyathi, Nicole
Date: 17-02-2020 10:48

No Trust Nicole: you have a overly used

your name. Do remember to
use pronouns e.g., He or she
instead of the name. " mom
asked her if she had done a
One day mom gets home from work after Nicole ashomework." There is a space
off to any punctuation mark.

usual, when she walked into Nicole's room she saw that
Please visit the library and
practice your writing a lot more.

Nicole was not doing her homework but was on her

phone. Mom asked Nicole if she had done her
homework, Nicole replied back saying she had done it
when she got home. Mom asked Nicole to then help her
pack the groceries then help with the cooking ,Nicole
said she will help mom just now while looking at her
phone.Once mom left the room Nicole went to go help
her mom.

The next day Nicole waits for her mom to come home
before she does her homework. When mom gets home
she asks Nicole why she had not done her homework on
time during the week ,since it is a Thursday and the
homework is due the next day. Nicole said she had not
done it because mom was complaining about Nicole not
doing her homework so she waited for her . Nicole did
her homework while mom was cooking.
File: Mankazana, Randy
By: Mankazana, Randy
Date: 17-02-2020 10:48

Time To Rush Time to Rush: was an

interesting story to read. I can
see that you have the potential
to be a good writer. You'll need
to read extensively -try setting
up a diary, journal for
scrapbook. Also go and visit
Time To Rush the media centre -consult with
Aunty Flora, for a good book.
It was 4:30 in the morning, I see my my brother The potentials is all there -just
practice and keep on trying
waking up.It was the 27 of July. He quickly changed Randy

into his school clothes sneaking to the bathroom.My

sister starts to wake up and runs to the bathroom.
Unfortunately I made it in the bathroom first.

After 30 minutes at 5:00 you just see my aunt

shouting at my brother, cause he got angry for not
getting in the bathroom first, and he broke the
window. After my aunt shouting, it was all quiet and
she told us to go to go and change in our school
uniform for us to go to school.

At 6:30 we left the house because we were doing

personal things.My aunt walked to school with us,
and my brother wanted to race with us and I NO,
but my sister said yes. I said no because we were
going to leave my aunt behind. Off they went, and
my aunt said she is going to tell my mum and dad.

When I got to school I said bye,and my aunt replied

saying ,see you later boy,! After school , when I got
back my parents shouted at my siblings for not
listening to my aunt and they can get stolen.
File: Henderson, Michael
By: Henderson,

Title : My Family Issue Date: 17-02-2020 10:48

Michael you have not broken
your story up in two paragraphs
-I showed you how to do this
with the example, the haunted
house. In that example each of
the color coded groups pointed
to a separate paragraph. I
thought you would have got it.
Please do try to put more effort
into your writing.

I have always loved soccer. Ever

since I was a kid, I always wanted to
play professional football. There was
always one problem though; my
parents always wanted me to focus on
my schoolwork. I know I do well in
school but I love soccer and I always
will so I play as much as I can. The
good thing is ever since I became a
prefect my parents have chilled down
a bit. I know I'm not good enough to
become professional but it doesn't
mean I cant play it. Even though I say
that I have chose to try aim to be a
professional soccer manager. I'm
always planning tactics when
Manchester United play. Hopefully I
do become a soccer manager and
hopefully I am quite good.My mom and
dad do let me play a lot and I'm
thankful and i pay them back by doing
well in school. I hope I achieve my
goal one day!
File: Cruz Ribeiro, Declan
By: Cruz Ribeiro,
Date: 17-02-2020 10:46

Well written piece. The " four

year old menace" was an
interesting way of describing
Declan's sister. I look forward to
My addicted sister reading a lot more of your
works. Do keep on practicing
by writing a lot more


Declan's little sister Payton is a 4 year

old menace.She has found out what YouTube
is so know she would not stop,she wasn't
that bad with it until her mother Roxanne
started say yes more than saying no.After
a while Declan had to watch what she was

Payton is a very hyper girl that does not

run out of energy but at the end of the
day she would go to her dad and by know
you now what she asked for THE PHONE!


Declan, Payton and Roxanne and her father

went home back to there doges and
Paytons grandparents.
and the thing that Payton was not aloto do
was watch YouTube.​
File: Algrain, Micheala
By: Algrain, Micheala
Date: 17-02-2020 10:45

The Poltergeist Michaela: an extensive story.

The whole idea of a poltergeist
-gives me the creeps. Your
writing styles quite good -
develop it further, with lots of
practice and reading.

Something or someone is living in Michaela's house. No, its not

human. They don't know what it is yet, but its there.This story is
about how she and her older sister, Raine found out about this
scary poltergeist.

Michaela was having a wonderful day until she decided to go

take a shower. While Michaela was in the shower the door
opened a few inches, very slowly. Michaela's body froze like ice.
Nothing came in. Nothing was there. She took a deep breath in
and out, then continued.

She got out and started drying herself when the door opened
exactly like the last time. Michaela waited once again nothing
happened. She wrapped her towel around herself and ran to her
sister, Raine's room. Raine was there on her phone. " There's
something in this house." she said. "Yeah i know.' Raine said not
looking up. 'And you didn't bother telling me!" Michaela
said sternly. "Well...I thought it just bothered me." Raine said

"Well its bothering me too!" Michaela cried, "how do we get rid

of it?" "You can't," Raine said, "we have to wait for it to go away."
"Why!" Michaela said. "I don't know" Raine said getting irritated.
That night Michaela was lying in bed trying to fall asleep when
she started hearing tapping on her shelf next to her bed. She
jumped up and went to Raine's room.

Raine was fast asleep. Michaela woke er up and told her that
the poltergeist was in her room. Raine let her sleep in her own
bed. Half way through the night Michaela woke up and heard
somebody mumbling. She thought it was Raine, but she was

She then realized it was the poltergeist. She lay still. After a
while the mumbling stopped. After that nobody ever heard f
the poltergeist ever again.​
File: Field, Josh
By: Field, Josh
Date: 17-02-2020 10:45

My school transfer Josh: remember to add us a

space following any
punctuation mark. You
actually write quite well -just
right to practice as much as
possible. Reading does help
to feed your writing abilities.

My family issue
Once when a boy named Josh Field who was a young
student at a school by the name of Rivonia Primary
school.He had many good friends and always spent
break with his two best friends John and Daniel, and
they had lots of fun together. 46 words

Then on a lovely Friday when my mom came to pick me

up from school she told me she got a job as a teacher
at a school called Bryneven Primary School and she
said he had to change schools and go to Bryneven, but
he did not want to and he started to get mad because
he didn't want to. 59 words

When Josh got home he ran into his room, his mom
started to get mad at him and they were both grumpy
and wouldn't talk to each other.People tried to convince
Josh it was better to go to go to the new school but he
would not listen. 49 words

Then Josh finally accepted that it would be better if he

went to the new school.One month later he had a group
of friends and his mom was a teacher at his school and
hes been in the school ever since. 41

195 words
File: Govender, Lucian
By: Govender, Lucian
Date: 17-02-2020 10:44

what pet to choose. Lucian: thank you for your

written piece. You must as
her at the space as following
any punctuation mark. You
check your second draft
more thoroughly -you are few
mistakes that could have
I am going to get the viewers attention b talking about cute
been avoided.


It as a bright and sunny day the birds were singing the

dogs were barking.But all of a sudden while the birds were
singing and the dogs were barking my pearents all of a
sudden wanted a pet how would we know why.Mum called
everyone to the dining room to talk about the pet that she
wants. 59

So mum wanted a cat then dad shouted no we must get a

bird if we are getting a pet .Then I shouted no mum and
dad lets get a puppy that is the best choice.My sister
dissergreed with me she said lets get a snake.Then the
whole familey said no to her .No ways my dad or mum will
say yes to a snake. The n everything got louder the baby
was crying. 75

Then I said with a loud voice if we cant decide lets not get
a pet . Maby when we all get a desision on a pet we can
get that pet . My family understoude
File: Wessels, Samuel
By: Wessels, Samuel
Date: 17-02-2020 10:43

Title: best car Lucian: thank you for your

written piece. You must as
her at the space as following
any punctuation mark. You
check your second draft
more thoroughly -you made a
few mistakes that could have

It was in a house a family was watching tv when dad

been avoided.

suddenly said the best car is a pegatti, Sam then

said it was a bugatti chiron,Matt then said it was a
lamborgini adventedor. They all started arguing
what car is better. They go out for lunch.

At lunch they continue arguing what car is better.

they get home and are shouting what car is better
mom then said loudly stop shouting they could not
hear her. They all start talking what car has a better
engine.They all stop arguing for a while untill a car
ad comes on tv.

they all shout, mom comes in and says stop shouting

you all have different oppinions. they all thank mom
for saying that to them.They all apprectiate mom
and they go to the shops and all buy an iphone.

they all say sorry to each other for shouting at each

other. they all love each other.They all live happily
every after.
File: Mansingh, Sapna
By: Mansingh, Sapna
Date: 17-02-2020 10:43

My 2 High School Interesting use of the brace

brackets. Punctuation:
always leave a space off to
the mark. Try to leave one
line between paragraphs.

Sapna { MYSELF } parents are really strict , she has 3 brothers who
annoy her , Sapna { MYSELF } loves herself but her parents are strict so
that's a problem. If she ask a question example " Can I please get a
dog". Her parents will say " NO, WHO WILL LOOK AFTER IT ? , but
when her brothers ask " Can i go to the movies " her parents will say "
Yeah sure , don't come back home to late "

Sapna { MYSELF } wants to go to Bryanston High but her Dad wants to

send her to Park Town girls. Sapna { MYSELF } can up with ideas to
make them send her to her brother Shivar's school but that didn't help.

Slowly her Dad were rethinking and he said " You can go to Bryanston
High", Sapna { MYSELF } { in a happy voice } " Thank you". Her parents
realized that they should send her to the school she wants to go to.

Well at least Sapna's { MYSELF } dream came true but she can't be
naughty because her parents said " We are gonna ask your brother to
watch you" Sapna { MYSELF } said " AHHHH well okay at least I will
have my best friends and my family in that school.

Bryanston here Sapna { MYSELF }comes


210 words ​
File: Yanoria, Rhygel
By: Yanoria, Rhygel
Date: 17-02-2020 10:40

The family issue Quite enjoyed reading your

family issue. You continue
reading as much as possible
-at activity will feed your
writing abilities. I sent you
could be strong writer,

1.To grab attention the story will have drama.

2.Then Daniel was thinking a way to watch television.
3.At the end the family was happy.

Back in 2013 the brothers Daniel and Josh wanted to watch television,
but their little sister Mia was on the television. They started to fight over
the television, when dad came into the room they told them to stop
fighting or they will be grounded. 45

2 days later Daniel was watching television while Mom took Mia to the
park, when Josh came he wanted to watch. They fought and screamed,
Dad got mad and banned the boys off the television for today and will
watch all of Mia's shows when she comes home with Mom. 50

The boys were sad and did nothing when Mia was watching. Days later
Dad, Mom and Josh were watching their favorite series 'Dog vs Dog
man' Mia joined in and Daniel was sad. 33

Daniel was thinking way they could watch their own series. The next
day he told Josh to help him find a way, Josh had a idea for them to
watch at different days or watch at different times. Daniel said at
different times. The family started watching their own shows and
everyone was happy. The End. (184 words)
File: Naicker, Kian
By: Naicker, Kian
Date: 17-02-2020 10:38
Bullying in all Shapes and Sizes Liked you style: "imagining a
bully to be a big bulky
specimen -which was not
your case". Goodness: I
hope that this is just fiction;
1. I will catch the viewers attention by introducing the main characters in the first
having a brother that always
tells stories. Thanks for
paragraph and making my story non fictional sharing this written piece.

When you think of a bully, I'm sure you can imagine a big bulky
specimen who loves to taunt and torture their victims. In my case the
bully is my five year old brother, who wants to be a terrorist. The fact
that his tears always work on my parents, is definitely not in my

My little brother, who is almost 8 years younger than me, never fails to
get me into trouble. I know that he is well aware of his skills when
telling false stories and making people feel sorry for him. Although he
weighs less than me, his abuse is not limited to verbal or emotional, he
has physically bullied me on many occasions.

I know it must be difficult for my parents with two boys [ one being
abused and one the abuser] even simple things like choosing a TV
channel or sharing a blanket is a major argument, and this always leads
to me getting trouble! I have had my hair pulled, my ears flicked and
even been wrestled .

Sometimes I want to hit back but I know that this will lead to
being in trouble again. I know that we have different
personalities and a huge age gap but I feel trapped. He's my
brother so I still love him.
File: Holtzhauzen, Kayson

I want an iphone
By: Holtzhauzen,

Title Date: 17-02-2020 10:38

I was wondering whether this
All my friends have got their own phones. I am the
is true? But you're the only
one without your own phone?
Do try to leave a space
only one in the group that does not have one. I have
between your paragraphs. I
can understand parents
being worried about social
been giving a lot of thought as to how I can convince
media. I am a parent and I
worry a bit about social
media. I wish you the best:

my parents to get me a phone. on your 13th birthday -getting

the phone i.e., If your story is
nonfiction. Thanks, Kayson,

My parents worry that I will spend too much time on

or sharing this story.

social media. They don't think I need a phone.

This morning I spoke to them on the way to school. I
think I convinced them that they need to get me a
phone. Mom said I was a good negotiator. Finally
they agreed. They said I can get a phone for my 13th
birthday. That is only 4 months away! I am so
Dad said he would give me his brand new iPhone 8!
I cannot wait to have my own phone. Then I can
chat to my friends when I am not at school. The 17th
of June 2020 can't come soon enough. The best
birthday present ever.
File: Thaver, Kayleigh
By: Thaver, Kayleigh
Date: 17-02-2020 10:37
Godilla versus the mouse Great Title, Kayleigh: Godzilla
vs. the mouse, got me
Kayleigh Thaver 7A interested right in the
beginning. Your writings quite
expressive -like the way you
write -" warping into a steep
mountain of change." Very
creatively put. It's important to
leave a space following any
punctuation mark. Keep
practicing your writing; you
definitely have a skill for writing

​Patrick suffers his own apocalyptic moment as a creatively. Look forward to

reading more interesting written
suburban 14 year-old.... The world when he once knew it,
warps into a steep mountain of change. His father and
mother are distant and misunderstanding. Simultaneously,
the world around him burns to make space for new fertile
ground. His life is set on fire making way for the next
moment of tremendous change.....

Patrick was a very shy and quiet person, with loving

parents. After time hit him,going through his teenager
years, his personality had a change... Rebellion and pride
took a turn on Patrick. He became more distant with his
parent, misleading him to think to think they are mean and

His parents decided to let him be, but guide him and
speak to him... the execution of talking to him fell and
broke. Patrick was on the verge of running away.

Patrick decided to run away without any second thought...

He was missing for weeks on end, but Patrick was staying
in a tiny shack, broke down and abandoned. Patrick had
now realised his mistakes...

He was cold and tired... Patrick was ready for a warm hug
and a warm cup of hot chocolate... Not even a morsel
was with him.... Godzilla had beaten the mouse.

Word Count: 205 words

File: Mwaniki, Zawadi
By: Mwaniki, Zawadi
Date: 17-02-2020 10:31

My mom didnt want to sign my paper Zawadi: following the title, I was
wondering: why your mother
wouldn't want to sign a paper.
Just noticed: at your writing
needs to be broken up into
sentences -look at your first
paragraph; it doesn't have a
single full stop. To read a lot
more, will help your writing
I remember I was at home watching YouTube while my mom was watching TV
skills. To go and see Aunty
Flora -at the media centre- get
and my dad was busy with work as always then I heard my parents arguing and

then I heard that mom wont sign the agreement for me to get my american
passport .

I was so sad and I didn't even know the reason why she wouldn't sign I felt like
my mom had a heart of stone. My mom later then told me reason but to be
honest I was not listening because I was angry and sad.

The next day when I was suppose to be at american embacies I was getting
ready for school when I kind of came peace to the fact that I was not going to get
my passport. When I got to school I just burst into tears then my dad said that we
could try and get it without my mom.

We were at american embacies and the lady who was helping us get my
passport tried to call my mom and to my surprise my mom said she would come
I was so happy when I saw her walking in I smiled from ear to ear and ended up
getting my passport.

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