Awakenings

by: Will Doughman

“Yes” or “no”. At the core level, when faced with a new situation, you will find
your mind either accepting (yes) or rejecting(no) reality. Take for instance,
your current situation. You’re sitting down reading the third sentence of this pap
er. The meanings of sixty two individual words will have begun to sink into your
mind by the time you have finished this sentence. At the moment, you probably h
ave a reasonably firm grasp on reality. That can change very quickly. I’m now invi
ting you to go further than the level of mere words and sentences. I want you to
let the thoughts and ideas that are about to be presented to completely take ho
ld of you. Allow them to capture you, confuse you, elevate you, emancipate you.
I want you to experience the sequence of events that had my mind screaming “No.” It
all began simply enough. It began with the awakening…
My consciousness re-emerged out of the obsidian abyss – or rather, it was
about to. An unwelcome sound is the cause of my arousal. It startles me. My brow
groggily furrowed with annoyance, almost, but not quite exactly failing to mirr
or my mood. The sound’s source was known to me. It was arranged by me to wake me a
t a predetermined time. Even so, there was something very alien about the sound
that came from my alarm clock.
Part of what concerned me was the direction of the sound. Normally to my
left, this time the sound originated from my right, towards the foot of my bed.
I sat up. "That’s odd. Why is my window open?" I thought. "Why is my alarm clock
perched in the window-sill?" The alarm continued to go off as these unanswered q
uestions continued to be unanswered. Louder and louder, the alarm grew to an unb
earable volume. The noise began to consume me. More accurately, I began to be c
onsumed by the noise, which sounded twice as loud as it actually was, and infini
tely louder than it should have, because it shouldn’t have been coming from my ope
n window. Something snapped inside of me. Or rather, If the something inside of
me that snapped would have been capable of making a noise, and, assuming that i
t could have been heard over the cacophonous alarm, it would have sounded like a
snap. I began to feel as if I, myself, was the source of the sound. I began to
consume myself. I began to be consumed by myself.
I remember the open window. At this point, I definitely became aware tha
t my basic thought was “No.” I wouldn’t accept this as reality. It was almost, almost
reassuring to look over to the window and see millions of light rays fly out of
the square frame towards me. In the middle of the square sat the alarm clock. Y
es, in the middle. The alarm clock sat in mid air. It perched upon the light ray
s. The louder the alarm got, brighter the light was, and all the more effortless
ly the clock hung in the air. The noise was overwhelming, the light was blinding
. I began to see things I shouldn’t of been able to see. The clock turned inside o
ut and jumped in and out of existence, back and forth between reality and nonexi
stence: back and forth, back and forth, taking the noise with it. Chaos, silence
. Chaos, silence. The transition between being and un-being took place at a fast
er and faster rate. The clock-noise-light was alternating between the two states
far too quickly to differentiate, at any point in time, which state it was curr
ently manifested as. Reality joined hands with nonexistence. Shadows began to ra
diate from the sun.
The noise from the radio-clock abruptly stopped and something new star
ted. It began to speak to me- or maybe it was the same noise and I began to unde
rstand it on a deeper level. The radio beeped and turned itself on, producing st
atic. “Kshhhhhhhhhhhshhhhkshhhh.” It was a faint news broadcast, just barely intelli
gible. "Kshhh- these events that-sshhhhhhhhh- on this day-kshhhhhhhhsshhhhhh-ece
mber 27th, 2013 will-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- have to ask ourselves that
all important question. We cannot contin-kshhk- these-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- our
current path. We stand at the edge of a precipice, in con-shhhhhhhhkshhhhhh- our
home. What we have al-shhhhhhh known as our home has be-kkshhhhhkshhhhhhhhhhhhh
hh and-shhhhhhhhhhhkshhhh-just an earth . Now that we kn-shhhh- beyond all doub
t this-shhhhhhhhhhhksh- share our-kshkshhhhhhh-with them… kshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hkshhhhhhhhh-day- shhhhhhh- live on in the- kshh-rts of-shhhhhhhh- those to come
. The day where it all bega-shhhhhhhhh- this very day. They look ba-kshhh- say a
bout-shhhhhh-r actions? We ca-shhhhhh-hope. Whateve- shhh- the case, o-kshhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- the -shhhhh- last. Kshhhhhhh-has been done. The visit
ors have decided. The -shhhhh-have-hhhhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-nd
we held hands-shhhhhhhhhhkshhhh- and fell into it -kshhh- like a daydream, or a
fever…
…Kshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhkshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"
The voice finally cut out, submerging back into the stream of white-nois
e from which it originated. There was something vastly unsettling, yet sublimely
familiar about the transmission. Even though the remnants of the ominous and ov
erwhelming roar of the alarm were still ringing in my ears, my attention had shi
fted away from it. The words from the transmission repeated in my mind. Then It
struck me, it was so simple: the last line: " shhhhhhhhhhkshhhh- and fell into i
t -kshhh- like a daydream, or a fever… ". I was dreaming.
It felt so obvious once I realized it. I had known it all along. Well, a
t least part of me had- the subconscious part. I began to understand. The events
that had taken place consisted of a dialogue in my mind between my conscious an
d my subconscious. A Dream. I began to remember many of the numerous times in wh
ich this had occurred in the past. Too many to count. Every night it seemed, I w
ould make the transition, and every morning, I would revert back. Back and forth
. Back and forth, in and out of reality. The alternations had seemed to have tak
en place at shorter and shorter intervals. Back and forth. Back and forth. Event
ually, there was no way to determine what state I was in. Reality had joined han
ds with the dream world. I remembered the transmission: "The-shhhhh- have-hhhhhh
h- and we held hands-shhkshhhh- and fell into it -kshhh- like a daydream, or a f
ever… …Kshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhkshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" The memory of the wh
ite noise began to fade, as I felt a wave of change come on, but the revelations
I had were firmly imprinted throughout my entire mind. I felt a pull: stronger
and stronger. I was at a precipice.
It all ended simply enough. It ended with an awakening…
End Note:
Life can go by at blinding speeds. You may even feel as if transitions h
ave melted into each other, disorienting you. We need to pay close attention to
the moments in our life, while cherishing and learning from each and every one.
To fulfill the intent of this paper, and to experience the full effect,
allow yourself to re-read it. This time, you ll be able to understand it on a mu
ch deeper level. View it as a dialogue between the conscious mind and the uncons
cious mind. Notice the self-containing nature of the plot. Realize the differenc
e between the "the awakening" and the "an awakening". Take a close look at the "
transmission" and make note of how you imagine the "kshhhhhhhh" portions to be f
illed in.
Thank you for reading my paper. I hope that at least one new idea popped
into your mind, or that you thought of at least one thing in a different way.
-Will