MODERN FAMILY

"Family Games Night"

written by

Gavin Warner

warner.gavin@yahoo.com
WGA#
 ACT ONE

MITCHELL AND CAMERON INTERVIEW

Cameron nudges Mitchell. Tell them.

MITCHELL
(reluctantly)
So we’re having a family games
night.

Cameron claps excitedly.

CAMERON
Organised by moi.

Cameron looks over at Mitchell’s sour face.

MITCHELL
Oh c’mon it’ll be a blast.
(sing-songy)
Charaaaades. Give me one.

Mitchell sighs. Squints.

CAMERON
Clint Eastwood.

Mitchell nods. Puts his hands on his hips.

CAMERON (CONT’D)
Mickey Rooney.
A sour expression.

CAMERON (CONT’D)
One Flew over the Cookoo’s Nest.

Mitchell shows two slight changes in facial expression -

almost imperceptible.

MITCHELL
No, this is One Flew over the
Cookoo’s Nest. THIS is The Death
and Life of Peter Sellers.

CAMERON
(to the camera)
We’re still working out some of the
subtleties.

Beat.

Mitchell starts to move his hands forward.

 CAMERON (CONT’D)
Casablanca!

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Claire is on the phone.

CLAIRE
Hang on I’ll just check.

Claire goes to back door.

Phil and Luke are battling it out dressed as robots.

Phil slams Luke’s body-armour-cardboard-box with his foil

covered arm.

PHIL
Gorbotron strikes hitting Rotozor
in the fuel tank.

CLAIRE
Phil, Cam wants to know if we’d
like to go to a family games night
at their place tonight.

PHIL
(sounding robotic)
That’s a big O.

CLAIRE
Is that a ‘yes’?

PHIL
Word to your mother.

CLAIRE
(to the phone)
I’ll get back to you.

INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Jay is sitting with his arm around Manny watching Saturday

morning cartoons - old-school.

MANNY
I don’t understand why Tom and
Jerry fight all the time. Why can’t
they just sit down and reason out
their differences.

JAY
It’s a cartoon. It’s funny.

Beat.
 MANNY
There’s this kid at school called
Henrich that keeps picking on me.

JAY
(indicating to the T.V.)
So, be like the Jerry. Outsmart
him.

Gloria enters.

GLORIA
We’re going to a games night at
Mitchell and Cameron’s tonight--

JAY
But I’ve got a thing on at
the...thing...

Gloria ignores him.

GLORIA
Annnndd...

JAY
(to Manny)
I don’t like the sound of that and.

GLORIA
Does anyone know what day it is
today?

JAY
Happy birthday Manny.
MANNY
Already had it.

Jay nods...back to the cartoon.

GLORIA
We’re picking up Diego from the
airport.

JAY
Whosa?

GLORIA
My cousin Diego. We talked about
this last month.

JAY
Ah, that’s why I remember it so
well.

Gloria starts handing out ponchos.

 GLORIA
And we all need to wear traditional
Colombian outfits today.

JAY
No, no we don’t.

JAY & GLORIA INTERVIEW

Jay and Gloria are dressed in traditional Colombian outfits.

GLORIA
My cousin Diego arrives today from
Bogota. He’s the sweetest florist
you’ll ever meet.

JAY
Maybe he’ll get on well with Mitch
and Cam.

Gloria throws Jay a glare which he ignores.

INT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S DUPLEX - STUDY - DAY

Mitchell is typing away at his laptop. Suddenly, Lily’s head

pops around the door corner.

CAMERON (O.S.)
Daddy. Daddy. Are you in here. I
really want to go to the park and
am wondering why you are being so
emotionally withdrawn today.

Mitchell sits back in his seat, looks at the camera and

sighs.

EXT. PARK - WALKING PATH - DAY

Cameron is pushing Lily in a pram while Mitchell walks

beside.

MITCHELL
The whole Games Night thing it
just...brings back memories.

CAMERON
We’ve all had a bad run of
charades. I remember a time when
everyone thought--

MITCHELL
You’re not listening.
 CAMERON
Just adding some levity.

MITCHELL
Our family loved board games.
Friday nights. But one year my dad
found some magazines under my
bed...he was so mad with me that
he’d wouldn’t play on my side
anymore. Soon our family grew out
of board games anyway, but the
point was--

CAMERON
He wasn’t there for you.

MITCHELL
Yeah and he--

CAMERON
Kept to himself. Kept busy.

MITCHELL
Yes. Yes.

CAMERON
Was emotionally distant?

MITCHELL
Right...
(realization dawns)
Oh.

Mitchell slips a hand inside Cameron’s arm. Looks down at

Lily and smiles.

PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW

PHIL
Every Tuesday night before there
were kids biting our ankles we’d
have a few friends around, play a
few games...

FLASHBACK

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

Three couples including Phil and a heavily pregnant Claire

sit on the floor around a small coffee table. On the table -
a board game.
Phil rolls a die, moves his piece, then suddenly leaps up in
the air.

PHIL
Yes. Yes. Winner.
(to the others)
Loooosers. Woo hoo. U.S.A.

He jumps up on the table, but slips, falls on his back.

CLAIRE
Are you okay?

PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW RESUMES

CLAIRE (CONT’D)
It’s not all about winning.

PHIL
Yep. That’s what the losers say.

Phil produces the board game ‘Trivial Pursuit.’

PHIL (CONT’D)
And here’s my secret weapon.

Claire hangs her head in despair.

CLAIRE
Oh God.

Phil pulls out the card deck. Hands it toward the unseen
camera operator.
PHIL
Ask me any question.

Phil waits.

CAMERA OPERATOR (O.S.)

What’s the capital of Russia?

Beat.

PHIL
That’s a good one. Uh...let me
think now...when Gorbachov was
president it was...

PHIL (CONT’D)
(reaching)
Can I...

He’s given back the card.

Examines it carefully.
 PHIL (CONT’D)
Did you take this from the front or
the back?

CAMERA OPERATOR (O.S.)

The middle.

Another quick look.

PHIL
(handing back the card)
Ok. Ask me again.

EXT. PARK - PLAYGROUND - DAY

Cameron and Mitchell have parked the stroller and are pushing
Lily on a swing. Both involved. A happy family.

Another woman comes along. Puts her kid on the swing beside
Lily. Begins pushing.

WOMAN
(to Mitchell)
She’s gorgeous. How old is she.

MITCHELL
Two.

WOMAN
Really. So’s mine. She walking yet?

Mitchell nods unconvincing. Looks to Cameron who is

surprised.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
Oh little Jessie’s been walking
since one.

CAMERON
Really.

WOMAN
Took to it like a champion. What
about climbing?

Cameron is about to speak but Mitchell gets in first.

MITCHELL
Great climber.

WOMAN
Jesse could climb from day dot. Up
on chairs, holding the edge of
anything she could get her hands
on.
Mitchell begins unhooking the chain holding Lily in the seat.

MITCHELL
Yeah. Well you know we’ve got to
get her to swimming class now.

WOMAN
(shocked)
She can swim?

MITCHELL
Does 15 in less than a minute.

WOMAN
Wow.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Claire and Hayley are waiting at the front door with Claire.
Phil enters dressed in a tight fitting basketball outfit.

PHIL
Still fits.

CLAIRE
Really?

HAYLEY
Do we have to go mom?

CLAIRE
Your brother who loves you needs
your support...

Phil is oblivious. He’s pretending to do lay-ups.

CLAIRE (CONT’D)
...so does your father.

Luke comes down the stairs.

PHIL
Here’s the baller.

Claire puts a hand on Luke’s shoulder as he reaches the

bottom stair.

CLAIRE
Play fair. Do your best.

Phil makes a honking sound

PHIL
Ball just hit the rim.
Phil looks at the camera.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL (CONT’D)
Do you think Michael Jordan ever
said, ‘Let’s just go out there and
play fair. Let’s NOT slam dunk on
everyone’s heads today.’

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Claire shuts the door behind Phil, Luke and the girls as they
leave. She then indicates that the camera should follow her.

She moves to a nearby potted plant. Reaches in. Pulls out a

few Trivial Pursuit cards and shows them to the camera.

Claire then moves into the living room. Goes to the couch.
Reaches in-between the cushions. Pulls out more cards.

SERIES OF SHOTS

--Cards are stashed in a suit jacket;

--Under the dining table with sticky tack;

--At the back of the fridge;

Pan up to Claire at the fridge.

CLAIRE
Phil studies the first twenty or so
cards and then puts them to the
front.

INT. PHIL’S CAR - DAY

Phil is not concentrating on his driving. He’s looking at

three cards which are stuck to the inside of the visor.

HAYLEY
Dad!

Phil quickly pulls the car back into the lane.

INT. MITCHEL AND CAMERON’S CAR - DAY

Cameron reaches over to Mitchell who is driving and puts a

hand on his.
 CAMERON
I’m so proud of you.

MITCHELL
For lying to that lady.

CAMERON
For sticking up for your daughter.
Being there for her.

Mitchell smiles. Glances at Lily in the rearview.

LILY
Da!

EXT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S CAR - DAY

Their car screams to a stop. Mitchell gets out and takes Lily
out of her seat.

Cameron’s running around in circles shaking his hands.

CAMERON
(high-pitched)
She said ‘Da.’
(to a walker nearby)
She said ‘Da’.

END OF ACT ONE

 ACT TWO

INT. BASKETBALL COURT - DAY

Phil sits on the sideline of a basketball court, Hayley and

Alex beside him. Hayley is texting on her phone. Alex is
looking bored.

Luke is playing on court. He’s a bit weak. Nobody’s passing

him the ball.

PHIL
C’mon Lukey. Call for it. Call for
it.

Phil looks over at Hayley. Reaches across and grabs her phone
off her.

HAYLEY
Dad!

PHIL
At least try and look interested.

Hayley crosses her arms and sits back.

HAYLEY
(sarcastic)
Yay Luke.

Phil nudges Alex.

ALEX
(bored)
Yay Luke.

Someone finally passes Luke the ball. He starts moving down

the court...

PHIL
Yes. C’mon little buddy!

...but is soon stripped by another player and stands there

shaking his head.

Phil shakes his head.

A whistle blows.

Phil calls Luke over.

Phil gets up and waves the girls to their feet. Encourages

the four into a huddle.

PHIL (CONT’D)
Now listen son, you need to start
getting your game on.
(MORE)
 PHIL (CONT’D)
You don’t want to shame on this
family do you.

Luke shakes his head.

PHIL (CONT’D)
Let’s not forget I was an all-
American football legend.

HAYLEY
Let’s not forget you were a
cheerleader.

PHIL
Games were made or broken on my
thigh stands young lady.

Phil breaks the huddle. The girls quickly sit down again.

PHIL (CONT’D)
Just...start bringing home the
bacon.

LUKE
What’s that mean?

PHIL
Okay, let me put it another way, if
you don’t get that ball and put it
in that hoop, I’m going to be all
like, ‘who are you? You’re not my
son.’

Luke stands there looking hurt and shocked.

Phil looks at the camera and then heads back to the bench
seat with a smug look.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL (CONT’D)
Encouragement. We all need it.

BACK TO THE GAME

Luke is trying really hard to get the ball this time but
without much success. Phil is shouting instructions from the
sideline. He suddenly stops.

PHIL (V.O.) (CONT’D)

It was then that I realized what I
had to do...
Phil starts cheerleading. It’s really corny and weird; so
much so that the crowd lose interest in the game and begin
watching Phil; so do a lot of the players. This gives Luke
the opportunity to snatch the ball off a mesmerized opponent,
bounce it down the court, and shoot a basket.

Hardly anyone notices. Not even Phil who is still self-

absorbed in his routine.

INT. BASKETBALL COURT - LATER

Phil and Luke stand before the coach.

PHIL
Lot of potential huh coach.

COACH
It was...disturbing.

Phil sees the coach looking him up and down.

PHIL
Oh, no, I mean, Luke.

COACH
Has he tried baseball?

PHIL
He has. Look, he swished didn’t he.

COACH
Controversial. And...it’s not all
about winning.
PHIL
(pretending to cough)
Michael Jordan.

Phil looks at the camera.

COACH
Sorry, did you say something?

PHIL
No, no, just got a tickle. So then
tell me coach, what is it all about
then.

COACH
One word - ‘team’.

PHIL
That’s right. And how do you spell
that?
 COACH
Uh...T..E..A..M.

PHIL
Exactly. Ever notice the letters m
and e in there?

INT. PHIL’S CAR - DAY

Phil looks in the rear vision.

PHIL
Don’t sweat it champ. I don’t think
he was the right coach for you
anyway.

LUKE
So am I still your son?

The girls look horrified.

ALEX
Dad?

PHIL
Of course buddy. That was just
court talk. Maybe the coach was
right.

LUKE
About winning?

PHIL
About baseball.

Phil becomes involved in another Trivial Pursuit card which

he has hidden in a flip panel on the middle console. He’s
trying to get a peek at it.

ALL KIDS
(looking through the
windscreen)
Dad!

INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S CAR - DAY

Jay is driving. The family are still in their traditional

garb.

GLORIA
I want to get Diego a welcome
present.
(she points ahead)
Let’s stop at Costco.
 JAY
I’m not getting out.

GLORIA
So you’re not proud of your wife
and son’s wife’s nationality.

JAY
You always put things so...harshly.

INT. COSTCO - DAY

Jay, Gloria and Manny come through the doors. Jay is looking
around nervously hoping not to get noticed by anyone he
knows. As they head toward one of the isles they see Mitchell
and Cameron pushing their trolley.

GLORIA
Hey boys.

JAY
Oh great.

CAMERON
Hey Gloria.

Both look with interest at Jay.

CAMERON (CONT’D)
I like this!

GLORIA
My cousin Diego is coming from
Bogota.

CAMERON
So you’re making him feel welcome.
How sweet. Make sure you bring him
along tonight then.

MITCHELL
You all look so festive...
(to Jay)
especially you.

JAY
Yeah yeah. Laugh it up.

Manny is preoccupied staring at a father and son over near

the toilet paper.

MANNY
That’s him.

GLORIA
Who?
 MANNY
Henrich. The kid who’s picking on
me at school.

GLORIA
A kid is picking on you at school.
Jay did you...?

Jay nods.

GLORIA (CONT’D)
(to Jay)
Well go over there. Talk to his
father. Mano o mano.

Jay stares at the father who looks a little rough around the
edges.

JAY
But...the kid’s got to learn to
fight his own battles.

Mitchell scoffs at this.

MITCHELL
Yeah, I did.

Jay looks at Mitchell. Sees the hurt. Contemplates this.

Gloria waves Jay onward.

JAY
Alright alright.

Jay ambles over. Sticks out a hand to the father.

JAY (CONT’D)
Jay Pritchett.

The man just stares coldly.

JAY (CONT’D)
Uh...your boy there...well...he’s
been picking on my kid and...maybe
you could talk to him.

HENRICH’S FATHER
About...

JAY
About stopping.

HENRICH’S FATHER
Why?
 JAY
Why? Because it’s hurting his
feelings that’s why.

Henrich’s father looks Jay up and down, looks to his son and
smirks.

JAY (CONT’D)
C’mon. You’re a father. How would
you feel if it was the other way
around.

HENRICH’S FATHER
I’d tell him to harden the--

A voice comes over the speaker drowning out what Henrich’s

father says next, although we can tell it’s not pretty.

SHOP ASSISTANT’S VOICE

Price check on a packet of wild
oats.

Henrich’s father finishes what he was saying as the voice

finishes the price check.

JAY
I bet you would.

Jay throws a hand out in frustration.

JAY (CONT’D)
Ah, forget it.

Jay begins to move away.

HENRICH’S FATHER
(calling after him)
Nice dress.

Jay stops. Turns and heads back. Gets in Henrich’s father’s

face.

JAY
You know this is traditional
Colombian poncho. My wife’s
Colombian, my kid’s Colombian, and
we have quite a few Colombian
friends who’d be interested in the
whole...situation we have here.

The man’s eyes widen as he realizes what Jay means. He looks

down at the poncho again.

HENRICH’S FATHER
You know...the colours aren’t so
bad.
Jay nods and walks off. He moves up to Manny and puts an arm
on him. Begins to lead him away toward an isle.

JAY
C’mon Manny. He won’t bother you
anymore.

GLORIA
Baby, what did you say?

JAY
I just reasoned with him. You
know...mano o mano.

GLORIA
Awwww. You’re so brave.

She looks back.

GLORIA (CONT’D)
He looks scared of you.

JAY
(wide-eyed)
Mmmm hmmmm.

Mitchell watches his father leave.

END OF ACT TWO

 ACT THREE

INT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S DUPLEX - KITCHEN / INT. DUNPHY’S

HOUSE - KITCHEN

SPLIT SCREEN or cut back and forth as necessary.

Mitchell is buzzing around the kitchen getting things ready

for the Games Night while holding a phone to his ear.

In the B.G. Cameron is dancing with Lily to Aretha Franklin.

MITCHELL
I don’t know. This mother was all
like my daughter can do this. And
my daughter can do that.

Claire is arranging some flowers in a vase in the kitchen.

Out the window in the back yard Phil and Luke are wrestling.
Phil is dressed in a cape and a mask and Luke has underpants
over his head and is wearing some bed leggings.

CLAIRE
Not every kid develops the same
Mitch.

MITCHELL
That’s true. That’s helpful.

CLAIRE
Take you for example. You were
never as good at sport as me. A
late bloomer.

MITCHELL
That’s not as helpful.

Claire looks out the window - frowns.

CLAIRE
Don’t you remember...Mum and Dad
were always letting us try new
things.

MITCHELL
Yeah. Basketball.

CLAIRE
Baseball.

MITCHELL
Present wrap club.

TOGETHER
Mum’s idea.
 MITCHELL
Ice skating. Who would’ve thought
I’d find my niche.

CLAIRE
Even then I was the one who...

MITCHELL
Alriiight. Point taken. Bet me ice-
skating disappointed dad though.

CLAIRE
Nah. You were always the apple of
his eye.

MITCHELL
What?

CLAIRE
Even when he found out you were gay
Mitch.

MITCHELL
Really?

CLAIRE
It was such a turbulent time you
probably didn’t notice. It was hard
for him too with his traditional
values.

MITCHELL
(in deep thought)
Yeah. Right.
CLAIRE
The key with kids is to work on
their strengths.

Claire looks out the window.

Phil is now climbing on the bin ready to Hammer Drop Luke who
is sprawled on the grass pretending he’s injured.

CLAIRE (CONT’D)
Uh, I gotta go.

MITCHELL
See you tonight.

Claire races for the back door.

CLAIRE
Honey that’s not...

CRUNCH
 LUKE
Owwwwww.

CLAIRE
...safe.

PHIL AND CLAIRE INTERVIEW

Luke sits between his parents on the couch. He has his arm in
a sling.

CLAIRE (CONT’D)
I realized that Luke’s strength
lies in pretend-play, so we--

PHIL
You.

CLAIRE
I, enrolled him in acting classes.

PHIL
Mainly girls. Wearing eighteenth
century dresses and pretending to
be the Brontes.

CLAIRE
One of the male students recently
got cast in the next Narnia--

PHIL
Sure...as one of the sisters.
CLAIRE
The kid’s making more than his
parents income combined.

PHIL
When does Luke start again?

CLAIRE
Monday.

INT. JAY’S CAR - DAY

A huge Colombian man sits beside Manny in the back of the

car. He’s so large that he has to hunch over to fit. Manny
stares up at him in awe.

JAY
So...Diego...you’re a florist.

DIEGO
A fauna engineer.
 JAY
Uh huh. How’s that working out for
you?

DIEGO
Good.

JAY
Great.

DIEGO
I just open my twenty third store
in Barranquilla.

JAY
Wow. So business is blooming.

Jay laughs at his own joke. Stops when he sees Diego is not.

Jay pulls up at the lights. A beefy Hummer pulls up beside.

Jay looks over. Henrich’s father is behind the wheel.

JAY (CONT’D)
Diego. Do me a favour and wave at
that guy over there.

Diego waves enthusiastically.

JAY (CONT’D)
Lose the smile.

Henrich’s father looks across, sees Jay, and then sees the
huge Colombian man in the back waving darkly at him.

He quickly looks away.

As soon as the lights go green Henrich’s father takes off
quickly.

Jay laughs.

INT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S DUPLEX - FRONT DOOR

At the door stand Jay and family with Diego.

Mitchell and Cameron open the door.

Cameron is dressed in a Colombian outfit. He’s the only one.

He bows to Diego who looks at him strangely.

MUSIC

MONTAGE
INT. STUDY - NIGHT

Cameron opens the study door for Manny and sweeps an arm
toward the other children who are sitting around a stack of
board games looking bored.

When Cameron leaves, the kids quickly sweep the board games
away and pull out a set of poker cards. Hayley begins
dealing.

Manny smiles and sits down.

INT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Jay and Gloria are in the lounge chair, Phil and Claire on
the floor with Mitchell and Cameron around the coffee table.

CLAIRE (V.O.)
Life’s not about getting it right
all the time...

A bunch of games are stacked on the table. Phil produces his

trivial pursuit and starts opening it. As he pulls out the
card set he drops it and it spills everywhere - the cards
getting mixed up. Phil looks horrified as he frantically
starts to scoop them up. Claire stifles a giggle.

INT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Everyone is now playing Outburst. Jay is teamed up with

Mitchell. They are obviously winning.
CLAIRE (V.O.)
It’s about accepting one another...

Jay throws an arm around Mitchell in victory, and Mitchell

quickly glances over at Claire and Cameron who are teamed up.
Both are smiling at him. Mitchell smiles back.

CLAIRE (V.O.)
Especially those closest to us...

INT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Mitchell and Cameron are winning at Charades. Phil is not

happy with this but Claire pats his arm and he relaxes
slightly.
INT. DRAMA CLASS - DAY

CLAIRE (V.O.)
And celebrating their strengths
with them.

Luke is dressed in an eighteenth century costume complete

with leggings and frilly shoulders. He has his arms around
two other boys and is kicking his legs from side to side and
singing boisterously.

Phil and Claire sit to the side.

Phil’s clapping happily along.

END OF ACT THREE

 TAG

INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

Michael Jordan sits in front of a class of students who are

seated in front of him on the floor, parents behind them.

INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY

Phil is rushing down the hallway dragging Luke behind him.

PHIL
This is so exciting. This is so
exciting.

INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

Phil bursts in the door and pushes his way to the front,
seats Luke, then heads toward Michael and shakes his hand.

PHIL
Hello Mr. Jordan. I’m a big fan of
your work.

MICHAEL
Thanks.

PHIL
The NBA final of ‘86...what a game.
That was magic.

MICHAEL
Yeah it was...Magic Johnson. Not
me.

PHIL
You weren’t on the bench or...

Michael shakes his head.

PHIL (CONT’D)
Well, 90 against the Mavericks--

MICHAEL
Also Magic.

PHIL
I think my wife mixed up my DVDs
again.

MICHAEL
If you don’t mind...

Michael indicates he wants to start.

Phil heads to the back of the classroom with the other
parents.

MICAHEL
Alright welcome everyone. Nice to
see you today. My name’s Michael
Jordan and let me start by saying,
‘It’s not all about winning.’

Luke looks around at Phil.

Phil shakes his head as if to say, ‘Don’t listen to him.’

It’s then he notices Michael Jordan is staring straight at

him.

END OF SHOW