4 Tips to Using Humor to Resolve Conflict in

Your Relationship
The conflict has been brewing all day. The combatants are at crisis point, and it
feels like the entire office is holding their collective breath waiting to see what
happens next. At this point, they’re ready for bloodshed, or at the very least,
some very strong words.

The last thing they expect is for one of the key players in the conflict to open their
mouth and… make a joke?

Maybe it doesn’t feel like a resolution to the conflict, but actually, laughter goes
far beyond being the clichéd ‘best medicine.’ How? First of all, laughter takes the
tension out of the situation, which exactly is what’s needed to regain perspective,
build stronger bonds, and yes, sometimes smooth over the differences.

How then do you effectively use humor to resolve conflicts?

1. Make sure that both parties are ‘in on the joke.’ By keeping humor
wholesome – not at the expense of the other person, you’re focusing on inviting
them to laugh with you, rather than laughing at them. How can you tell if you’re
doing it right? Humor is tricky, and so your best indicator of getting it right is to
gauge the other person’s reactions. If they’re not laughing, chances are they don’t
find it funny. Stop!

2. Check to make sure that you’re using humor as a defensive weapon rather
than as a positive tool. If you’re using humor to mask emotions that you’d rather
not deal with right now, then it’s time to put a flag on the play. Stop immediately
and ask yourself what it is that you’re not dealing with and why.
3. Work on that sense of humor. Every good comedian knows how to read their
audience. The same goes for using humor with another person, especially in a
situation that’s already a conflict. Watch the nonverbal cues. What language are
you using? Keep the tone positive and light, and mean it. That means don’t use
jokes as a means of cruelty. Lastly, consider what you might use as an inside joke.
Inside jokes not only keep the situation light but create a deeper intimacy with
whom you conflict.

4. Most importantly, be Playful! A little bit of silly fun is a good thing. Not sure
how to tap into that kind of fun and crazy side? Explore humor in other ways so
that you always have a repertoire to fall back on. Watch things you find funny on
TV or in movies. Listen to jokes. Read the funnies. Find that side of you that likes
to play and encourage it with creativity and fun.

And no matter what, cut yourself some slack. It takes practice to be funny. Keep
at it, and you’ll find your natural sense of humor, and be able to tap into it when
you need to. That conflict won’t know what hit it!