OLET1115

(Im)Politeness in Global Society

Asking to do things

In some Southern European languages such as Italian, as well as in Asian
languages like Chinese and Vietnamese, the imperative mode is much more acceptable
when asking for things than in English or Central European languages like French and
German. This can give rise to strong frictions in come cases.
One anecdote from recent Australian history is helpful to exemplify this. When
the first Vietnamese immigrants came to Australia as refugees from the Vietnam War in
the late 1970s, many of them settled in the suburb of Cabramatta, South-West of
Sydney. At the time, most shops in the area were run by Australians, or by immigrants
that had been there a long time, and had acquired the social modes of interaction of
Australian culture. When Vietnamese customers asked for things, in English, they often
used expressions like “give me a liter of milk” or “I want a kilo of meat.” These were
literal translations of ways of asking for things in a shop in Vietnamese, and sounded
perfectly fine to them. But the Australian shopkeepers were shocked by the lack of
“please” and “thank you” in their requests, as well as the lack of softening expressions
like “may I have…” or “could I get…” They found the Vietnamese customers very harsh
and rude. As a result, they answered brusquely to the customers, and generally behaved
in an angry or upset way. The Vietnamese customers, in turn, did not understand the
reason for the shopkeepers’ anger. They thought the shopkeepers were reacting to their
appearance as ethnically different. As the customers became more convinced that the
shopkeepers were racist, and the shopkeepers became convinced that the customers
were rude, tensions arose in the community.
Now of course I am not trying to say that all tensions always come from cultural
misunderstanding. It is very possible that some of the customers were actually rude, and
some of the shopkeepers actually racist. But in many cases at least, the tension could
have been avoided if both parties had a better understanding of the cultural origins of
their respective behaviours, and the cultural origins of their respective expectations.
A variation on the theme can be seen in shopping culture in China. In most
Chinese shops, it is expected that the customer will approach a shop attendant when
they want to buy something. Very rarely, if ever, a shop attendant will approach the
customer asking “how may I help you?” Rather, they will wait to be called. The customer
will approach them and ask them, or rather tell them, for example “I want a pink shirt.”
Also, it is very common for a shop attendant to serve multiple customers at the same
time. They will answer one customer’s query, then leave them there and move to the
cashier to take another customer’s payment. This may come across as rude to Australian
customers. They expect the shop attendant to wait for them to have chosen their item
and accompany them to the cashier to finalise the purchase. When this does not happen,
they think the assistant is being rude.
Conversely, a Chinese customer may expect to be served immediately if they see
a shop attendant waiting in the shop. They may not understand why the assistant
refuses to serve more than one person at a time. In Japan, on the other hand, the
opposite is true. A shop attendant typically greets the customer on entering, serves only
one person at a time, and often accompanies the customer all the way to the door after
they paid and received their purchases. A Japanese customer might expect this kind of
treatment overseas too. They may be disappointed when it does not happen. And they
may be very pleased when they encounter what they consider “proper” service.
We may think that it is up to the individuals who travel, whether for leisure or
work, to understand the local culture and adapt to it. And of course they should; so
should we when we travel overseas. But being aware of the cultural origin of behaviours
and expectations can also give us a great competitive advantage at home. For example,
increasingly, shops, restaurants, and institutions are beginning to offer services in
different languages. That has already become quite common in areas that are popular
tourist destinations. But an enterprise, public or private, that is able to cater to
customers from different countries by understanding their cultural expectations may
have an even greater competitive advantage in that respect.
Another interesting case of cultural difference in asking for things is in the Arabic
language. In Arabic, the imperative mode is either really harsh or very familiar, implying
a high level of intimacy, like talking to a little sister/brother. So depending on the
situation, it can be a sign of hostility, or instead a sign of affection. Confusing, I know!
Luckily, however, in general the polite way of asking to do something in Arabic is pretty
much the equivalent of the expression ‘could you’ with the present tense. So most
Arabic speakers would probably use the equivalent English form quite naturally. On the
other hand, in Arabic, if you are asking for someone to do something, the longer your
sentence the more polite it sounds. The same is true in Japanese, a language which
abhors the imperative even more than English! This is sometimes reflected in these
speakers’ use of English. They might end up with excessively long expressions to ask for
something, that may be come across as awkward or even mocking to an Australian.
Another thing that varies significantly between cultures is which kinds of things
one customarily asks for permission to do. For example, in China it is not necessary to
ask “do you mind if I sit down?” or “do you mind if I open the window”? It is also not
necessary to ask others’ permission to smoke in a public space. You can easily imagine
the friction that these differences may provoke.
Finally, a question that often gives rise to problems is what it is appropriate to
ask for. In Chinese culture, it is common to ask for favourable treatment through
connections. The same is true in Italy. If you have a friend in a company or an institution,
it is acceptable for someone to ask you to ‘put in a good word for them.’ Australians, on
the other hand, see this as an unfair practice, undermining genuine competition. If
asked to ‘put in a good word,’ they will probably decline. Their refusal to help may be
perceived as expression of personal hostility, continuing the miscommunication. This is
a tricky one! In the final module of this course, we will talk about possible strategies for
dealing with situations like this.