Time for
romance
Online dating has
to click
become commonplace,
and spring is the most
popular time for people
to give it a go
JOANNE
HUNT
SPRING
SEES a surge in the tide of
people signing up to internet dat-
ing sites. As sure as daffodils follow
snowdrops, the flock of new members
landing on dating websites right about
now is just another spring phenomenon
to set your clock by.
Paula Hall of dating website Parsnip,
ie says that spring brings by far the big-
gest spike in new members. In fact, up to
three times as many people join in
spring as at any other time of the year.
Jill McGrath, managing director of
Maybefriends.com, sees a similar trend,
with up to 6,000 new people joining the
site in January alone. They both at-
tribute the seasonal rise to new year's
resolutions and to the approach of Valen-
tine's Day.
So what of this seasonal stampede to-
ward online mating grounds? What was
once seen as the preserve of nerdy lon-
ers, unable to compete in the harsh Ser-
engeti of pub and clubland, internet dat-
ing is now the common-sense choice of
many looking for a mate.
Psychoanalyst and psychology lectur-
er Philip Malone believes "we are now
more pragmatic about out need for love
and companionship. The internet has
made the world much bigger we now -
have friends in places we'd never dream
of visiting. Casting one's dating net be-
yond the workplace or neighbourhood is
consonant with this new world."
The profile of Irish people heading on-
line for love falls into two groups, says
-
McGrath first are those in their late
20s. "Many of them are looking to settle
down," says McGrath. "All their friends
are in couples and they want to break
out of that circle and meet new people."
McGrath refers to the second group as
the "second time arounders".
Grainne Barry from Anotherfriend.
com, which now has almost half a mil-
lion members and boasts 300 marriag-
es, agrees. "We are seeing a growing
trend with the 45-plus audience, people
who are separated, divorced or widowed
who just want companionship," she
says.
All three online dating sites use differ-
ent approaches to bring would-be daters
together, but Parship.ie is by far the
most systematic. The site claims that its
psychometric compatibility test compris-
ing 80 questions on everything from
how you react to falling on a banana skin
to how much planning you like to put in-
to holidays, takes the pot luck out of look-
ing for love. Only members who are a
good match are suggested as potential
partners, with each scored in order of
compatibility.
Paula Hall says the test is not about
"looking for twins or peas in a pod, but
about looking for couples that will com-
plement each other".
Rival site Maybefriends.com says it
doesn't do psychological profiling but it
does have a questionnaire that probes
singles on everything from their level of
education to the emphasis they place on
looks and humour.
"If you indicate that appearance or a
particular level of education is very im-
portant to you, that says a lot about you
as a person," says McGrath.
When it comes to such psychological
profiling, Malone says there is some
weight to it. "Most efforts to profile peo-
ple psychologically will attempt to meas-
ure personality traits that tend to be con-
-
sistent over time a person who is very
tidy today will probably still have that
trait in five years.
By comparing our individual mix of
traits, it can be possible to predict the
people we will enjoy spending time
with."
Anotherfriend.com once employed
the same psychological profiling used by
job interviewers, but Barry says it wasn't
popular with Irish users. "I think Irish
people are more about fate intervening
or 'the one'. We like the idea of chance
rather than a scientific model."
Psychometric profiling tends to be
more popular with women than men,
she says. "They just weren't taking the
time to fill it in, so we took it out."
So what are the top tips for getting a
date online? The fine art of crafting a kill-
er profile blurb seems to be the key.
"It's really your dating CV," says Bar-
ry. "Be honest. Put in things that are unu-
sual about you or that you'd hope a pro-
spective partner would also be interest-
ed in, eg GAA or theatre, poetry."
McGrath warns daters to ditch their
baggage. "People sometimes list the
-
things they don't want like I don't want
-
bars or cheats you need to be positive.
If you've had bad experiences in the
§ M We are
■H seeing a
growing trend
with the
45-plus
audience
past, you really need to let them go."
While psychometric profiling does
have its merits, Malone warns against
too calculating an approach.
"There is no index of the human spir-
it, no anthology of the heart. We are, as
yet, unmapped, hence the delight in get-
ting to know a new person or the feeling
of joy when we discover that we are in
love."
The internet has shrunk the planet in-
to a cocktail bar - but unlike in a real
bar, you hope that everyone on a site is
actively looking for love.
TD SAY TO ANYBODY TO ABSOLUTELY GO FOR IT. NOTHING VENTURED,
NOTHING GAINED': MARK AND ANNE MARIE GALLAGHER'S STORY
Anne Marie: "I had been
separated for about eight years. I
had done the pub scene, but you
kind of get past that stage. I'd
given up and I was just going to
rear my three children.
"A friend of mine was on a
couple of different dating websites
- she said just do it for fun, so I did.
I chatted to different people and
met up with a few.
"Mark and I had been
messaging for about four months
before meeting. I was nervous.
Because he was never married
and never had any kids, I felt I
needed to put myself across a bit
better than a single girl would
need to do. I did nothing but talk.
He didn't get a word in edgeways.
"If he had looked at me in a bar,
I wouldn't have looked back. He
wasn't what I had in my head. We
went for a bite to eat and I
thought, you know what, he's a
Mark and Anne Marie Gallagher at their home in Ballyshannon, Co Donegal.
Photograph: James Connolly
lovely guy - but sometimes lovely
guys can be boring. That sounds
so stupid now, but I wouldn't have
said he's definitely the one'.
"But we had a laugh, and that's
what I found about him online too.
He had such a great sense of
humour, so witty and so quick, and
that drew me to Mm. "We met
again three weeks later, and that
was the night it felt like This is it'.
"Online dating for me was
refreshing. I could be completely
honest I thought once they knew
my family and work situation and
were still willing to meet up, then I
had overcome barriers I wouldn't
have overcome so easily meeting
in a pub. It filtered out the
rejection. It's less brutal-
Mark: "I came back from America
in 200 I'm L a teacher. It was the
same faces in the same pubs. I felt
I couldn't meet anybody new. We
started talking online in about
June 2004 and we met in
September. We just hit it off very
welL We just kept going, one
meeting after another.
"Then I came down and met the
kids and the family, and we
married in December 2006. We
now have two more kids together.
"When we met, it wasn't a
common thing to meet online, but
now we have no real problem
telling anyone. When you tell
people you married someone you
met online, they kind of look at you
and say, 'Well, you're still in one
piece'. The main thing is that
you're happy. We get on well and
we've haven't had an argument
yet I'd say to anybody to
absolutely go for it. Nothing
ventured, nothing gained."
Anne Marie and Mark met through
anotherfriend.com