2000:

"I'd have given my right arm to be a pianist."

Newcastle boss Bobby Robson when asked what would have been his dream job
outside of football.

Sir Bobby Robson - legend

"He's always in there looking to miss. By that I mean he's always looking to score, but if
he misses he's not afraid of going in there again."
Bobby thought Alan Shearer was very hit and miss.

"Maybe in this circumstance, I'll hold my hands up and say 'Naivety' but, at the end of the
day, I haven't killed anybody."
Leicester's Stan Collymore after letting off a fire extinguisher at the club's training
camp in La Manga, Spain.

"I'm undisputed and there's no disputing that."

Lennox Lewis as he prepared to defend his heavyweight titles won from Evander
Holyfield.

"He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't
score many goals. Apart from that he's all right."
George Best's verdict on David Beckham.

"Being thick isn't an affliction if you're a footballer because your brains need to be in
your feet. And Beckham treats a football like he does a wife - lovingly, with caresses."
Brian Clough had different ideas.
"After having studied the whole unsavoury incident on 43 occasions, including slow-
motion replays, we have decided against implementing a rule that spectators should
remain clothed at all times."
A statement from World Indoor Championship Bowls officials after the sport
gained its first streaker in the shape of Tracy Sergeant.

"It is completely dead out there. I've been phoning myself up and disguising my voice
just for a bit of interest."
QPR manager Gerry Francis on the lack of activity in the transfer window.

"I want your heart. I want to eat your children. I want to rip out his heart and feed it to
him."
Mike Tyson's heart-felt plea to Lennox Lewis after beating Lou Savarese.

"At home they have a few drinks and probably the prawn sandwiches, and they don't
realise what's going on out on the pitch. I don't think some of the people who come to Old
Trafford can spell football, never mind understand it."
Manchester United skipper Roy Keane and the legendary prawn sandwich
comment.

"The cannabis may have helped relax them. Even the hooligans enjoyed the party."
Dutch police spokesman on the good behaviour of England fans at the Euro 2000
match against Portugal - in contrast to the alcohol-fuelled riots in Belgium.

"I didn't play many games for Middlesbrough towards the end of the season - or at the
start or the middle."
Paul Gascoigne on his move from Middlesbrough to Everton.

2001:
"I don't really like the north. It's always raining. It's very cold and I don't like all those
little houses."
West Ham striker Frederic Kanoute on why he preferred the the south of England.

"This can only help England's cause."

Ian Botham on the two-week appointment of Geoff Boycott to coach young Pakistan
batsmen.

"I can't really tell you that, but my girlfriend's down here and we went back to the hotel -
say no more!"
Paul Hunter, snooker's B&H Masters winner, hinted at why his form improved
dramatically during the final.

"Who won?"
A confused Lennox Lewis after being knocked down by Hasim Rahman to lose his
heavyweight titles.
"I would ask Donald Duck if I thought he could help me."
European Ryder Cup team skipper Sam Torrance ahead of the tournament, which
was eventually postponed because of the 9/11 attacks.

"I ran like a lemon and lemons don't run."

British 400m runner Daniel Caines after a poor performance in Seville.

Goran Ivanisevic after winning Wimbledon

"If some angel comes to me in my sleep and says 'Goran you are going to win
Wimbledon but you are not able to touch the racket ever again in your life', I would say
OK I will never play tennis again."
Goran Ivanisevic had a vision ahead of his stunning Wimbledon triumph.

"How are England going to win in Germany? It hasn't happened for 100 years. I have no
doubts whatsoever that Germany will quite clearly thrash England. They will easily
qualify for the World Cup with this match."
Germany's Uli Hoeness ahead of the World Cup qualifier which England won 5-1.

"I know I asked for patience, but I didn't mean that much!"
England coach Sven Goran Eriksson after his side left it until the last minute -
courtesy of David Beckham's free-kick - to clinch World Cup qualification with a 2-
2 draw against Greece.

2002:
"They can't be monks - we don't want them to be monks, we want them to be football
players because a monk doesn't play football at this level."
Different year, same man imparting his words of wisdom. Bobby Robson on the
disciplinary problems at Newcastle.
"I didn't have time to brush my teeth or have a shave - and for the first couple of frames I
didn't have any underpants on."
Snooker player Graeme Dott, who missed the start of his China Open match against
Welshman Darren Morgan when he overslept.

"I may be older than Rubens, but I will never be as ugly."

Eddie Irvine's response after Rubens Barrichello labelled him 'old' for not moving
out of the way during the San Marino Grand Prix.

"I would buy some bad players, get the sack and then retire to Cornwall."
Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock when asked what he would do if he were
manager of rivals Wednesday.

"I just led them to the water - and they drank copiously."
Captain Sam Torrance played down his own contribution towards Europe's
thrilling Ryder Cup victory at The Belfry.

"I hope I don't come across as bitter and twisted, but that man (Mick McCarthy) can rot
in hell for all I care."
Roy Keane, not bitter and twisted following his acrimonious World Cup exit.

"I'd rather buy a Bob the Builder CD for my two-year-old son."

Jason McAteer when asked if he would buy Keane's controversial autobiography.

Ronaldo celebrates World Cup final goal

"I'm sure sex wouldn't be as rewarding as winning the World Cup. It's not that sex isn't
good but the World Cup is every four years and sex is not."
The original Ronaldo after helping Brazil to victory with his two goals in the final.
"It was very sweet to see Argentina go out. It was just a shame that we couldn't have
knocked them out directly ourselves. If we see them on their coach on the way home, we
will give them a wave!"
Teddy Sheringham refused to get too upset by Argentina's early exit from the
World Cup.

"Expectations are very high. Even when I sneeze people ask why I sneeze."
Sachin Tendulkar on the pressure of being an idol.

"If I had a kebab shop, I wouldn't let them run it."

Millwall chairman Theo Paphitis after the Football League lost their case against
the doomed ITV Digital network.

2003:
"To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a
young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best
today but we've pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not.
Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her
in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it
was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee."
QPR boss Ian Holloway came up with the quote of the century to describe his team's
lacklustre performance against Chesterfield.

"It was only a matter of time before they got fit and after that it's like riding a bike - or
making love to a beautiful woman - you never forget."
Blackburn manager Graeme Souness did his best Swiss Toni impression when
talking about the form of strikers Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke.

"We're in a dog-fight, so the fight in the dog will get us through - and we'll fight."
Sir Bobby Robson after Newcastle suffered a third successive defeat.

"It's over, forget about it, it's gone. We've enjoyed the ride, brilliant. We've paid the
money, got the ride, got off the tramcar - let's go again."
Sir Bobby on his side's Champions League exit.

"I raced round the store and finally found her in the fizzy drinks aisle. I told her Jonny
had got the winning kick. She just came over to me, flung her arms around me and burst
into tears."
Tesco vegetable counter assistant Marie Haddon, who broke the news to Jonny
Wilkinson's mother, Philippa, that her son had won the World Cup for England.

"I've had a text from granny - she's going to throw a party for you!"
What Prince Harry told England star Mike Tindall after they had won the Rugby
World Cup.
The heroes of 2003

"I went to the bank the other day and got a standing ovation."
Jason Leonard on how life changed after winning the Cup.

"I knew it wasn't going to be our day when I arrived at Links Park and found that we had
a woman running the line. She should be at home making the tea or the dinner for her
man who comes in after he has been to the football."
Albion boss Peter Hetherston on lineswoman Morag Pirie after his side lost to
Montrose.

"It's like watching God."

Alan McManus bowed down to Ronnie O'Sullivan after seeing him compile another
147 break at The Crucible.

"It was a freakish incident. If I tried it 100 or a million times it couldn't happen again. If I
could I would have carried on playing!"
Sir Alex Ferguson on the flying boot that hit David Beckham in the face.

2004:
"The man is United - cut him and he bleeds red."
Alan Brazil's priceless evaluation of Sir Alex Ferguson.

Gary Lineker: "So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you play?"
Gordon Strachan: "If I was English I'd top myself!"
Pundit Strachan showed just why the BBC hired him for Euro 2004.
"We were prepared to fight George Foreman - and we got George Formby!"
Bradford Bulls coach Brian Noble after his side crushed a St Helens side missing 11
first-team regulars.

"Don't make me laugh! It's the WBF belt - I heard they are giving them away with five
litres of petrol down at Texaco."
Herbie Hide's reaction to the news that Audley Harrison had won the world WBF
heavyweight title.

"At half-time I walked off and said to Derek Fazackerley: 'Where's the nearest job
centre?"
Manchester City boss Kevin Keegan after watching his side go 3-0 down with 10
men against Spurs in the FA Cup. City came back to win 4-3.

"Every dog has its day - and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark."
Ian Holloway on his side's promotion-winning victory at Sheffield Wednesday.

"Hello my sharks, welcome to the funeral."

Claudio Ranieri to the press before Chelsea's Champions League semi-final second
leg with Monaco.

Schumacher in his Ferrari heyday

"Why are you always in red? Is it your lucky colour?"
Local journalist to Ferrari's Michael Schumacher before the inaugural Chinese
Grand Prix.

"I like visiting Silverstone - it's a reminder of what racing was like in the 1950s."
F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone had a dig at Silverstone - just for a change.
"I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and threw back the tub!"
Beaten Wimbledon finalist Andy Roddick on his conqueror Roger Federer.

"He's the only man I know who could start an argument with himself."
Last word to Sir Bobby Robson - and his assessment of Craig Bellamy.

2005
"A message for the best football supporters in the world: We need a 12th man here.
Where are you? Where are you? Let's be having you!"
Delia Smith tried to rally the troops with her infamous half-time rant at Norwich-
Man City.

"We are preparing a special weightlifting plan for Gerrard's shoulders because we want
him to lift a lot of trophies for Liverpool in the next few years!"
Rafa Benitez revealed his plans for captain Steven Gerrard following Liverpool's
stunning Champions League success. Ah the benefit of hindsight - Ed.

Steven Gerrard celebrates winning the Champions League with his team-mates
"It's like eating an elephant. I can do it, but you have to do it bite by bite."
Colin Montgomerie on slowly working his way up the world golf rankings.

"He is like Merlin the Magician and Dr Who rolled into one."
PFA chief executive Gordon Taylor on Thierry Henry.

"It wasn't a monkey on my back, it was Planet of the Apes!"

Sunderland manager Mick McCarthy after victory over Middlesbrough gave the
Black Cats their first Premier League win since December 2002.

"I've not been to bed yet. Behind these sunglasses there's a thousand stories."
Freddie Flintoff after the mega-bender that followed England's Ashes triumph.

"I'm going to say hello to two friends who I've shut out of my life for the past 10 weeks.
So welcome back Mr Guinness and Mr Dom Perignon."
Ricky Hatton got reacquainted with some old pals after his stunning defeat of
Kostya Tszyu to win the IBF light-welterweight crown.

"The only threats I've had this week have been from the wife for not doing the washing-
up."
Harry Redknapp on returning to Portsmouth with Southampton.

"I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There
are some guys who, when they are at home, they have a big telescope to see what
happens in other families."
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho opened a war of words with Arsene Wenger,
claiming the Arsenal boss was obsessed with Chelsea.

"Apparently he was eating a lasagne and somehow pulled a hamstring - it has to be a

world first."
Coventry boss Micky Adams on defender Andrew Whing's bizarre injury.

"John Toshack said it was my way or the highway - well I'm on the M56."
Robbie Savage on his decision to quit international football with Wales.

"If Bill Shankly was alive, he'd be turning in his grave."

Harry, a caller to the BBC's 606 phone-in programme, after Liverpool's FA Cup
defeat by Burnley.

2006

"I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season."
Ian Holloway was quite pleased after QPR beat Cardiff.
"Snakes on a plane? What's that all about?"
Talksport's Andy Townsend, when asked about the film Snakes On A Plane.

"Most managers would give their right arm for a European Cup, and Bob Paisley had
three."
Football Focus presenter Manish Bhasin.

"Where did you get the nickname Dickie Dosh from?"

Ray Stubbs to Walsall manager Richard Money.

"I think he is taking everyone for a ride. It's fairyland. And given that we are not Snow
White and the Seven Dwarves I think that what he did was unsporting and against
everything."
Renault boss Flavio Briatore accused Michael Schumacher of unsporting behaviour
to deny Fernando Alonso pole position for the Monaco Grand Prix. Yes folks, that's
Flavio Briatore accusing someone of unsporting behaviour - Ed.

"You have to take it on the chin - or in my case, chins!"

Steve Bruce after Birmingham's 7-0 thrashing by Liverpool in the FA Cup.

"I'm not married to David Beckham - I'm not even engaged to him."
England coach Sven-Goran Eriksson on the relationship with his captain.

"The man knows everything about you, what your parents' names are, your sister's name,
your brother's name..."
Phil Neville's tribute to Sir Alex Ferguson.

Sir Alex Ferguson and Phil Neville's brother

"My dad used to referee me when I was a kid. I remember him booking me - and asking
my name."
Coventry's Kevin Kyle.

"If he was on fire I'd dial 998."

Notts County manager Steve Thompson talking about the referee after he sent off
two players during their defeat at MK Dons.

"Last week I was so low I could have walked under a door with a top hat."
Ipswich manager Jim Magilton.

"He must be amphibious."

Mark James at The Open after Sergio Garcia threw the ball to a person in the
crowd with his left hand.

2007

"The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no
omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one,
two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you
better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you
have a problem."
Jose Mourinho was desperate for Chelsea to scramble a win from somewhere.

"My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife so the city of London is
safe, the big threat is away."
Mourinho used his post-FA Cup final speech to reassure the population that his
runaway Yorkie had left the country.

"I am not the Special One - I am the Normal One."

New Chelsea boss Avram Grant introduced himself to the media.

"If we're talking lookalikes he's Toad of Toad Hall, isn't he?"
But Ian Holloway had other ideas on what Grant should be called.

"I didn't know it was the home of golf. I thought the home of golf was where I was from."
Boo Weekley with his verdict on St Andrews. Weekley hails from Milton in Florida.
The fans loved Mourinho almost as much as he did

"Some players have psychologists, some have sportologists - I smoke."

US Open winner Angel Cabrera.

"I felt the rear end go down, selected first gear and thought I saw the lolly move."
Champion-in-waiting Lewis Hamilton on jumping the gun during a pit stop at
Silverstone. At least that's what we thought he was talking about.

"I swear on my mother's life, my late mother's life."

Alex Higgins being interviewed by Stephen Nolan on BBC Northern Ireland.

"I put the tape in and we all found ourselves watching He-Man Masters of the Universe."
Former world snooker champion Joe Johnson finally decided to watch a re-run of
his 1986 triumph and found the kids had taped over it.

"He's got quite a bit of rhythm to him but you ought to see me on the dance floor in
Manchester on a Saturday night with 12 pints of Guinness inside me - he doesn't even
come close."
Ricky Hatton poo-pooed Floyd Mayweather's appearance on Dancing With The
Stars.

"I reckon he left the club in a much better state than when he took over."
Text message to BBC 5 live after Leroy Rosenior lasted just 10 minutes as Torquay
manager.

"Up front we played like world beaters - at the back it was more like panel-beaters."
Wigan manager Paul Jewell on a 3-3 draw with Spurs.
"Well I'm the Prince and I'm sort of slaying a dragon - which is something I've never
done before, obviously."
David Beckham on his role in Disney's Dream Portrait ads.

2008

"It was a great result and it might stop people saying Newcastle have not won under
Kevin Keegan."
Keegan after Newcastle beat Fulham to secure their first win since his return.
Might, Kevin?

"Charles dreamt I had an affair with Steve Coppell. I said to him, 'Thanks a lot! You
might have made it Mourinho!'"
Cooking goddess Nigella Lawson revealed who hubby Charles Saatchi thought was
the man of her dreams.

Nigella Lawson
"God has gifted me with incredible handspeed as a tool to be used - what else am I
supposed to do but fight? There ain't no hand-racing competitions."
Roy Jones Jr on BBC Radio 5 Live when questioned about the conflicting nature of
boxing and religion.

"I am sure we will see pictures of Sam in his Speedos walking along a beach somewhere.
That won't be a pretty sight."
Wigan manager Steve Bruce after Sam Allardyce was sacked as Newcastle boss.

Leicester fan: "It's pantomime season out there!"

Leicester manager Nigel Pearson: "Oh no it isn't!"
During the Leicester-Southend match.
"I've got more points on my licence!"
Derby manager Paul Jewell on his side's meagre points total.

"We scored three today and 99 times out of 10 that means a win."
Brighton assistant manager Dean White after the 3-3 draw with Cheltenham.

"Brock's a big bloke, isn't he? If you found him in bed with your girlfriend, you'd tuck
him in!"
Ricky Hatton during the Brock Lesnar-Randy Couture Mixed Martial Arts fight.

"Before (this innings) there was a lot of speculation about me being originally from South
Africa..."
KP insisted it was 'speculation' that he was from South Africa, following a ton
against the country of his birth.

"I think it's fair to say we're an improving team and a team that's getting better."
Everton skipper Phil Neville.

"Over the years whilst fielding at first slip, Dravid almost seems to have developed an
ability to stick Kumble's balls to his hands."
ABC cricket commentator during Australia-India series.

Gareth Jellyman of Mansfield Town has been sent off, hope he doesn't throw a wobbly!"
Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday.

John Motson: "Bramall Lane is a fantastic place, and I believe one of the only grounds to
host an FA Cup final and Test match cricket."
Mark Lawrenson: "Stay in last night did you, John?"
During Sheffield United v Middlesbrough.

"Paul Harris is a buffet bowler - you just help yourself."

Geoff Boycott on South Africa's left-arm spinner.

"He's a big unit - and if he's Junior Agogo, I certainly wouldn't like to meet Senior
Agogo."
Fox Sports commentator Simon Hill during the Australia v Ghana World Cup
match.

2009
"You ask 100 people, 99 will say it's very bad and the 100th will be Mark Hughes."
Arsene Wenger after Hughes defended Emmanuel Adebayor's stamp on Robin van
Persie.

"It's hard in that situation to go down to 10 men."

England women's defender Lindsay Johnson after the sending off of Casey Stoney
in their Euro 2009 defeat to Italy.

"I woke up yesterday morning, face down on my bed, still wearing my cricket whites and
stinking of sweat and champagne. So I think it's fair to say it was a lively night!"
Graeme Swann partied like it was 2005 after England's Ashes triumph.

Graeme Swann and Alastair Cook celebrate winning the Ashes.

"Andy Johnson was literally banjoed out of the game by a player who made no attempt to
win the ball."
A bad tackle in a Europa League game was not music to the ears of Fulham boss
Roy Hodgson.

"As far as I am concerned there has been no contact with Tottenham - and I know that as
I spoke to Harry Redknapp."
Sam Allardyce regarding the rumoured transfer of Christopher Samba from
Blackburn to Spurs.

"I have mostly been eating chicken wings. I only stick to things I can spell."
Boo Weekley on his eating habits at The Open.
"The cars are separated by eight metres, which is the average size of a Formula 1 ego."
Martin Brundle on the starting grid at the Monaco Grand Prix.

"There's no better feeling than getting a century break... and getting one at the Crucible is
even better."
Willie Thorne at the World Snooker Championships.

"I haven't seen a Madrid side this bad since I managed them!"
John Toshack on the Liverpool-Real Madrid Champions League match.

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit
salad."
Brian O'Driscoll when asked about his relationship with England coach Martin
Johnson.

"If you hide behind cliches, we'll be dead and buried by January."
Falkirk defender Darren Barr brilliantly launched a ban on cliches. With a cliche.

Ted Hankey: "I've stopped drinking, so I feel healthier, look healthier and I am healthier."
Ray Stubbs: "So you're not going to the bar now, then?"
Hankey: "No - I'm off outside for a cigarette."
The new BDO darts champion and his healthy lifestyle.

"I lost sight of the official ball and stayed on the red one. I went for the red ball
instinctively as it was the closest to me and the other went past me."
Pepe Reina on THAT beach ball.
Pepe Reina and the beach ball
"He almost caught it and ran into the net with it."
Robbie Keane on the handball by Thierry Henry that cost Ireland a place in the
World Cup.

"The ball hit my hand, I will be honest."

Henry came clean - eventually.

"It's hard in that situation to go down to 10 men."

England women's defender Lindsay Johnson after the sending off of Casey Stoney
in their Euro 2009 defeat to Italy.

"I'm world champion, baby!"

Jenson Button celebrated his world title Austin Powers-style.

"He is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. I have watched Lord of the Rings and films with
strange looking people, but for a human being to look like he does is pretty shocking."
David Haye on 7ft opponent Nikolay Valuev.

"Not yet."
F1 driver Adrian Sutil when asked if he knew who the attractive young woman
standing next to him was while being interviewed after the Monza GP.

"I woke up yesterday morning, face down on my bed, still wearing my cricket whites and
stinking of sweat and champagne. So I think it's fair to say it was a lively night!"
Graeme Swann partied like it was 2005 after England's Ashes triumph.

"Andrew Flintoff asked me when I came out to bat if I had hired a PR firm this week!"
Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting after receiving two standing ovations at the Oval,
following boos earlier in the series.

"We can't afford to laugh too much. If we don't beat Sri Lanka we'll have two weeks in
Leicester - and that's not good for anybody."
Ponting after England's humiliation by the Dutch in the World Twenty20.

"Golf balls don't know how old you are."

Former Open champion Paul Lawrie's verdict on veteran Tom Watson's amazing
week at Turnberry.

"It's true lots of people hate me but there are even more who love me. I feel bad only
when I play badly. Fortunately that happens rarely."
Cristiano Ronaldo - modest as ever.

"We needed some of these 1-0s, we weren't winning the 1-0s before - we were either
drawing or losing."
Jermaine Jenas on Spurs' habit of drawing games 1-0.
Ted Hankey: "I've stopped drinking, so I feel healthier, look healthier and I am healthier."
Ray Stubbs: "So you're not going to the bar now, then?"
Hankey: "No - I'm off outside for a cigarette."
The BDO darts champion and his healthy lifestyle.

Ted Hankey - a picture of health

"I thought 'How can I stop playing or give myself an excuse to stop playing?' So I
snapped my cue."
Ronnie O'Sullivan found a novel way to stop playing snooker after complaining the
game needed jazzing up like darts."I will never forget my first game for England at the
World Cup, It was against Turkey... no I mean Tunisia."
David Seaman.

"I probably would have to apologise to her and hope she uses a driver next time rather
than a three-iron."
Jesper Parnevik, who introduced Tiger Woods to his wife, Elin Nordregen, reacted
to press speculation surrounding the circumstances of the player's accident.

"I can give you the telephone numbers of her room-mates in Berlin. They have already
seen her naked in the showers and she has nothing to hide."
Coach Michael Seme on South Africa's News 24 website, following Caster
Semenya's controversial 800m final win.

"The days of me pounding the treadmill are over. As you can imagine, I was
gutted to hear that."
Freddie Flintoff on the news that part of his recovery from knee surgery would
include a less high-impact training regime.
"Jermaine is really generous - he bought me some Christian Louboutin shoes for
Christmas which I love. But the best present he ever got is priceless - a tattoo of my face
on his forearm."
Jermaine Jenas' fiancee revealed the price of true love.

"I have mostly been eating chicken wings. I only stick to things I can spell."
Boo Weekley on his eating habits at The Open.

"If you hide behind cliches, we'll be dead and buried by January."
Falkirk defender Darren Barr brilliantly launched a ban on cliches. With a cliche.

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit
salad."
Brian O'Driscoll when asked about his relationship with England coach
Martin Johnson.

MANAGERS' SPECIALS

"You ask 100 people, 99 will say it's very bad and the 100th will be Mark Hughes."
Arsene Wenger after Hughes defended Emmanuel Adebayor's stamp on Robin van
Persie.

"The penalty decision was Old Traffordish."

Words couldn't describe how Wenger felt about a Man Utd spot-kick - so he made
one up.

"It's just the two of us. We'll probably ride out in the sunset together."
Sir Alex Ferguson on his relationship with Wenger.
Wenger and Fergie - a match made in heaven

"I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark."
Blackpool boss Ian Holloway.
"We looked like a woman who's got a big fur coat on and underneath she's got no
knickers."
Micky Adams after his Port Vale team lost 3-1 to Notts County.

"If you go shopping at Sainsbury's and ask for a fillet steak but can't afford it, you have to
find something else and we've ended up with a gristly old fatty lump of lard up front - but
it tasted good."
Manager Martin Allen on Cheltenham re-signing the meaty Julian Alsop.

"We are beginning to see signs of them gelling together."

Celtic Ladies' manager Robert Docherty - after they beat Kilmarnock 21-0.

"Modric played well. Keane, Defoe and Palacios played well - I don't want to pick out
individuals."
Harry Redknapp....a bit too late.

"My missus could have scored that."

Redknapp after Darren Bent's glaring miss against Portsmouth.

"We have to wait for others to shake the apples from the tree, then try to make sure we
are in a position to react quickly to the apples left on the ground."
Stoke boss Tony Pulis on life at the bottom of the transfer-market food chain.
"We made an offer and it was turned down. We offered Stoke-on-Trent."
Pulis on the 'failed bid' to land Kaka.

"His philosophy about football was not unique but it was different from everybody else."
Former Chelsea fitness coach Ade Mafe on Jose Mourinho.

"Does it surprise you he opened his mouth? You go to a restaurant sometimes, you know
why the fish is on the table? Because it opened its mouth."
Avram Grant puts Jose Mourinho in his plaice.

"I think a few of the lads will be getting a haircut and getting the fake tan on!"
Ayr United manager Brian Reid after it was announced their Scottish Cup fourth-
round replay with Kilmarnock would be televised.

"In the end we lost a bad third goal because of an individual error by the goalkeeper but
I'm not going to point the finger of blame at anyone for that."
Falkirk manager John Hughes after the defeat by Rangers in the CIS Cup.

"There is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends
it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain."
Rafa Benitez revealed the perfect solution to Sir Alex Ferguson's claims that the
fixture list did not favour Manchester United.

"I'm going down the apples and pears, into the jam jar, down the frog and toad into the
rub-da-dub-dub, and I'm going to have pig's ear."
West Ham boss Gianfranco Zola when asked on the club's website if had learnt any
Cockney phrases.

Zola's number one fans

"If you don't score at this level, unfortunately you aren't going to get a win."
Steve Bruce failed to explain at what level you can win without scoring.

"Andy Johnson was literally banjoed out of the game by a player who made no attempt to
win the ball."
A bad tackle in a Europa League game was not music to the ears of Fulham boss
Roy Hodgson.

"As far as I am concerned there has been no contact with Tottenham - and I know that as
I spoke to Harry Redknapp."
Sam Allardyce regarding the rumoured transfer of Christopher Samba from
Blackburn to Spurs.

"I haven't seen a Madrid side this bad since I managed them!"
John Toshack on the Liverpool-Real Madrid Champions League match.

COMMENTATORS' CORNER

"Gatt's finished his lunch - in fact he probably finished everyone's lunch!"

David Lloyd after spotting Mike Gatting at Lord's.

"Look at the height of that Hearts wall. You'd need planning permission for that back
home!"
BBC co-commentator John Robertson during Dinamo Zagreb-Hearts as a free-kick
was about to be taken.

Jeff Stelling: "John, I can't believe there are people leaving the stadium with the game
like this..."
John Salako: "The game has finished, Jeff."
Banter on Sky's Soccer Saturday after the MK Dons-Huddersfield game, which
Huddersfield won 3-2.

''1137: 22-2... Ponting masticating maniacally at second slip. He doesn't chew gum, he
teaches it a lesson.''
Ben Dirs on BBC live text during the fourth Ashes Test.

"Cold, very cold, links golf. Ken Brown used to soak his balls in warm water for half an
hour before playing. That did the trick."
Mark James at The Open.

"The leaders have now got an enormous lead and the peloton, frankly, can't be arsed to
catch them up."
Eurosport commentator talking to Sean Kelly on the first Monday of the Tour de
France.
"This is now officially the longest set in a final in history, and don't forget we've been
going since 1877."
From the men's Wimbledon final - which apparently lasted 132 years.

"Federer is human, but for how long?"

Wimbledon commentary.

"He was a lion of a man. Make that three lions."

Gary Lineker's tribute to Bobby Robson at the former England manager's
memorial service.

Sir Bobby - a lion amongst men

"I played with Gary at Newcastle. We called him 'pilot light' as he never went out."
Chris Waddle talking about Gary Megson on Dubai TV.

"Both players will have regrets, John Higgins won't though."

John Virgo after snooker's UK Championship match between John Higgins and
Neil Robertson.

Presenter: "So, how tough was it out there today?"

Ross Fisher: "In a word, pretty terrible."
US Open golf coverage.

"He'll be on the radio for fresh underpants."

Martin Brundle after Lewis Hamilton nearly spun off during British GP qualifying.

"Shearer has already reached mythical status among Newcastle fans."

ITV's Matt Smith, after Newcastle's victory over Middlesbrough.
"Zaki's still away with the Pharaohs..."
5 live summariser Stuart Hall describing Wigan's line-up before their match with
Arsenal - striker Amr Zaki was in Egypt.

"It must be the first time Ronaldo has been marked by an anagram."
Clive Tyldsley commentating during Man Utd v Porto - as Rolando marked
Ronaldo at a corner.

"Taylor wouldn't give you the dripping off his bacon sandwich."
The legendary Sid Waddell on darts supremo Phil Taylor.

"The full name of this team is Liga Deportiva Universitaria De Quito - a slap in the face
for the man who starts the chant 'Give me an L'. "
Dave Woods during the World Club Cup final.

"The cars are separated by eight metres, which is the average size of a Formula 1 ego."
Martin Brundle on the starting grid at the Monaco Grand Prix.

"There's no better feeling than getting a century break... and getting one at the Crucible is
even better."
Willie Thorne at the World Snooker Championships.

CELEBRITY FAN

"I don't like John Terry and I never have. He's got funny eyes and he's a cry baby. He's
also a Cockney."
Man City fan Noel Gallagher on why he didn't want John Terry at Eastlands.