C1 Advanced Essay

This document looks at C1 Advanced Writing paper, question 1 essay. Presented are four
candidates’ answers ranging from pass (grade C) to a well written answer (grade A/B) and two
model answers written by experienced online CAE teachers. These four candidate answers were
written in the exam, and for each there is an examiner commentary and a score. The candidates’
answers are taken from the “C1 Handbook for Teachers” (covers all aspects of the exam) which is
freely available online in pdf format.

And the question we are going to look at in this document is the following:

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

The marking scheme used by the examiners is divided into four areas.

1. Content – how well has the question been answered, has the target reader been fully
informed, has the candidate´s answer given all the information necessary in relation to the
question. There are three subdivisions to consider:
a. Relevant – in relation to the question, is the answer relevant.
b. Target reader – who is the target reader, the language will be different for an English
teacher, for a magazine´s readership.
c. Informed – how well has the target reader been informed, completely or are there
important omissions.

2. Communicative achievement – under this category there are some subdivisions to

consider:
a. Genre, Format, Register and Function– for example has the right tone been adopted,
is it a formal or informal piece of writing, has the correct convention been used for a
letter, essay, proposal etc.
b. Holding the reader’s attention – is the candidate´s answer easy to follow with regards
to the meaning of what is being said, or is it written in such a way that requires the
reader to concentrate carefully.
c. Communicative purpose – for example do you need to make a compliant, make
recommendations, propose ideas.
d. Straightforward and Complex ideas – is the candidate able to communicate only
straightforward ideas or can they explain more complicated messages as well.

3. Organisation – under this category there are three points to consider:

a. Linking words – these would include and, but and expressions such as first of all,
finally
b. Cohesive Devises – e.g. furthermore, nevertheless, grammatical devises such as
pronouns, substitution (e.g. There are two women in the picture. The one on the
right…), ellipsis (e.g. The first car he owned was a convertible, the second a family car),
or repetition.
c. Organisational patterns – achieving connection between sentences e.g. arranging
sentences in climactic order, the use of parallelism, using a rhetorical question to set
up a new paragraph.

4. Language – there are many elements here:

a. Vocabulary – Basic, Everyday (used in common situations), Less common lexis (often
help to express ideas succinctly and precisely)
b. Appropriacy of vocabulary – words and expressions that fit the context of the task. For
example, “Todays big snow makes getting around the city difficult” – getting around is
appropriate, though big snow is not correct – heavy snow would be correct.

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

c. Grammatical forms – Simple (basic tenses, simple clauses), Complex (longer and more
complex items – noun clauses, relative and adverb clauses, subordination and passive
forms, verb patterns, modal forms e.g.)
d. Grammatical control – is their good control of the grammar.
e. Range – variety of lexis and grammatical forms. Higher levels candidates will make use
of a greater variety of vocabulary, collocations, grammatical forms.
f. Overuse – refers to repeated use of one word, instead of looking at other ways to
express the same idea in another way.
g. Errors and slips
h. Impede communication – do mistakes or the way something is written make it difficult
to understand the meaning.

Each part is marked from 0 to 5 where 3 is a minimum requirement for CAE pass.

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Candidate A – this would be a pass, grade C (180 points)

Mistakes (highlighted in yellow)

1. However NOT But

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

2. Lost interest NOT lost the interest

3. This sentence “In a world where true values…” does not add anything – it does not answer
the question being asked.
4. Young men NOT the young men.
5. This sentence “Moreover, the young men should be aware…” again this is a bit vague in
respect to answering the question directly. There are references made in the essay about
people, young people and later teenagers. The subject should be the same throughout the
essay. If a new subject is used it would be necessary, some form of rewriting to make it
relevant to the question.
6. Very interesting information NOT very interesting informations
7. It can organise events NOT it can be organised
8. Museum Open Days NOT the day of open museums
9. Very polluted, trees…
10. Play spaces, or playgrounds NOT built spaces
11. To go to the gym NOT go to gym

It is important to answer the question directly and not write things that are not related to the
question. There are some sentences in the essay which seem to have been learnt from other
essays and the candidate has included here. With a little rewriting of the sentence to make it
relevant to the question, specifically “In a world where…”, this sentence would be appropriate to
the context of the question.
With a little better control of the language, grammar, and vocabulary this essay could have
received a much higher mark.
The candidate has given reasons/examples for their choices made in the essay which you can see
by the comment made by the examiner about “content”. It is important to justify answers by
giving examples, reasons and explanations.

Tips to improve the essay

1. Better control of grammar and vocabulary. There are so many mistakes. And the use of
slightly more complex grammatical structures, negative inversions, participle clauses, cleft
sentences etc. If there are mistakes in these structures that do not hinder the
understanding, then the candidate will be rewarded. The problem comes when it is
difficult to understand the meaning because of mistakes made.
2. Answering the question at all times, in this case the choice of places to receive funding.
3. Making a connection between the second and third paragraph would improve the
organisation and the flow of the essay.
4. A more comprehensive conclusion.

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Candidate A2 - this would be a pass, grade C (180 points)

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Mistakes

1. Two topics.
2. Much more important THAN.
3. Attract.
4. Exhibits is probably a better word than art.
5. To do sport.
6. Do sport outside.
7. If a sports centres receives money, they will not lower...
8. To make it more accessible.
9. Will not become more accessible.
10. Authorities Rather than sports centre.

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

This candidate´s answer is just about a pass at C1 Cambridge. A lot of it is quite simply written
without some of the more advanced grammatical elements you might expect from a C1 Advanced
answer which can be seen in the low mark for the language. However, the content mark is a 5,
answering the question fully and informing the reader well.

Candidate B – this would be a borderline C/B grade. (-193 points)

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Candidate B could have benefited from writing more. The essay looks a little light on content and
would have benefitted from more words to introduce slightly more complex grammatical
structures and topic appropriate vocabulary. Having said that the candidate has answered the
questions asked and provides the details to inform the target reader. Even though the grammar
throughout looks apparently simple, importantly there are hardly any mistakes. I would also
suggest the structure is kept to introduction, two main paragraphs and conclusion.

Tips to improve the essay.

1. The word count is 220 – 260. This essay with more words would allow the candidate to
show grammar and vocabulary and ultimately better answer the question.
2. Slightly more complex grammar would improve the language element of the score.
3. Structure of the essay, introduction, two main paragraphs and a conclusion.

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Candidate C – this would be a borderline A/B grade. (+/-193 points)

This is an example of a well written answer. I think the reason why this did not receive a higher
grade is the constant “I think...”, “I see...” – if the whole text had been made more impersonal i.e.
“It is considered...”, “It is believed...” then the overall grade would have been much higher.
The second paragraph could have been a little more detailed. As the examiner comments the
essay is somewhat imbalanced. Some more relevant information to justify the choice of parks I
think is required in the third paragraph.

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

Tips to improve the essay.

1. Try and make the essay more impersonal using impersonal passive structures, “It is
considered”, “It is thought”. First person can be used in the conclusion, “I believe”, “As far
as I am concerned”
2. Balanced essay structure. Equal importance given to both points with adequate
explanations and reasons.

MODEL ANSWER I

In recent years, public funding for local facilities has become more problematic for many
towns, which has become more obvious to me after listening to a panel on the financial
needs of several different local facilities like sports centres and public parks. As these
places battle for funds, the main question is which ones deserve the money more.

It is widely known that sports centres provide many different benefits to the local
community. Someone on the panel mentioned that, from a public-health standpoint, it is
crucial to offer opportunities to exercise in order to keep everyone healthy physically as
well as mentally due to the social character of sports. In addition to that, exercise comes
in many different shapes and forms, from team sports to individual activities like
swimming, so there is something for everyone to enjoy in a dedicated group of people.

While green spaces in a town or city have their own benefits, it can be difficult to maintain
such large areas in order to keep parks pleasant and inviting to everyone. Nevertheless,
considered by many as the green lung of a city their use as a refuge from hectic city life
cannot be debated, and groups of people as well as individuals can be seen following their
favourite pastime or socialising with others, which makes the discussion about allocating
funds even more difficult.

Taking into account all the positions from above I come to the conclusion that funding
should be allocated to both facilities as they provide essential resources to the local
community. However, due to their more social character and possibly greater public
health benefits I would give more funds to sports centres.

This model answer was taken from this blog at the following webpage -
https://teacherphill.com/cae-how-to-write-an-essay/

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/
C1 Advanced Essay

MODEL ANSWER II

To some extent it is impossible to agree on where or to whom local governments should allocate
funding. In all cases there will be disagreement as to what is the best cause of action. This essay is
aimed at discussing the importance of this funding and the influence it can have on our society.

It is said that a person without their health has nothing. One of the principal aims of local
government should be to ensure the wellbeing of the general public. This point does not
refer to the investment in healthcare, but the investment in schemes to prevent the
deterioration of heath. Sports centres could well be the answer to health problems as a
more active nation is a healthier one, and the promotion of phrasal activity and the
knowledge of how to live a healthier lifestyle is a must in today´s society.

Another point that needs to be made is that of education. The investment in a good
educational system is implicit, therefore more investment needs to be made so that
people can further their contact with culture and further learning. Museums are a national
pastime and should be accessible to all. What is more, they should be of a good standard
to capture the interest of the people in order to educate them.

In a nutshell, local governments have an obligation to invest in fruitful projects that are
both long-term and beneficial to the people. They must focus of the promotion of the
improvement of the standard of living, and what better than in health and education. But
referring to the point made earlier, without out heath, education is worth for nothing.

https://www.intercambioidiomasonline.com/2017/09/05/c1-writing-writing-an-essay-for-
task-1-of-the-cae-exam/

Paul Harris
C1 Advanced (CAE) Preparation Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262191034867584/