A comment or

Text from my The change(s) I How this change

question I
initial WP2 made to what I impacts my
received (from
submission: initially wrote: paper:
whom/where?)
1 In this paper, I will
demonstrate the
differences
between these two In this paper, I will
disciplines’ demonstrate the
academic writing, writing differences in
economics’ and economics and I removed
physics’, in aspects physics from unnecessary
of argumentation, argumentation, use of information and
use of evidence, Patricia: look to evidence, discourse modifiers to make
discourse Styles to make community, and the thesis less
community, and thesis a bit less genre conventions. chunky. It became
genre conventions. clunky Since physics writing concise and neater
Since economics uses more jargon and and thus more
writing uses less complex evidence, readable for
jargon and less economics writing is readers.
complex evidence, more accessible and
it is more thus has a wider
accessible and has audience.
a wider audience
compared to
physics writing.
2 Paragraph 2 Patricia: don’t Paragraph 2-3 I deleted some
summarize the content of two
arguments as academic writings
much as look to and added more
genre conventions. discussion on the
How is the argumentation
argument structure.
structured? Is there Therefore, I
a thesis? Where is discussed the
it? How do the argumentation
authors set up the difference in two
argument? 1st aspect. The
person? 3rd comparison
person? become more
well-rounded and
increased the
credibility of my
 argument.
3 Patricia: Some of I divided all of my
your paragraphs body paragraph
are really long – into two according
Paragraph 2 maybe consider Paragraph 2-3 to the discipline.
breaking them up Shorter
according to paragraphs look
discipline less dense.
4 In conclusion, under
the conditions of
In conclusion, discussing the same
under the subject, the
conditions of economics article is
discussing the more accessible and
same subject, a has a wider range of
formal-toned audience than the
Patricia: Be sure to
economics article physics article with I repeated the
hit your initial
is more accessible more ja jargons and structure of the
structure
and has a wider professional body paragraphs
foreshadowing
range of audience evidences in in the conclusion.
points in your
than the formal- argumentation, use of It strengthened the
conclusion – it is
toned physics evidence, discourse flow of the paper
really solid
article because the community, and and provide
conclusion, just tie
argumentation and genre conventions structural
it back a bit more
evidence used of aspects. The consistency.
to your intro
physics are too argumentation and
academic, and it evidence used of
covers many physics are too
professional, off- academic, and it
life jargons and covers many
knowledge. professional, off-life
jargons and
knowledge.
5 The proof of [Reading] The proof of causality I deleted
causality is Concision: Delete is necessary to information that
necessary to what readers can overturn the given are unnecessary to
overturn the given infer hypothesis, so make the paper
hypothesis, so scientists of physics more concise and
scientists of writing design neater.
physics writing different experiments
design different for different
experiments for hypotheses to prove
different the truth of the
 hypotheses to
prove the truth of
the hypothesis.
The experiment
designed to test the
resistance of this hypothesis, with
new technology experimental data of
demonstrates the cold spray coating for
cold spraying alloys, nano-hardness
process, measurement, and
experimental data experimental
of cold spray statistical results
coating for alloys,
nano-hardness
measurement, and
experimental
statistical results.
6 Not limited to
Not limited to
professionals,
professionals, I replaced phrases
everyone has the [Reading]
everyone can with words to
opportunity to Concision:
contribute to research decrease the
contribute to Replace a phrase
on the impact of redundancy of my
research on the with a word
nuclear energy on essay.
impact of nuclear
society.
energy on society.
7 Since the [Reading] Thus, physics articles I randomly revised
derivation of Cohesion and are more obscure and half of my
principles requires Coherence: It is more difficult to sentences and
readers to have more coherent to understand than made them present
more professional put topics at the economics articles for the topic and main
knowledge, very beginning of most of the people verb in first six
physics articles are the sentences. because the derivation words. It made my
more obscure and of principles requires paper less choppy
more difficult to readers to have more and out of focus.
understand than professional It increased the
economics articles knowledge. structural
for the majority of organization of
the people. my paper. At the
same time, I kept
half of sentences
without such
modification to
increase the
 variety of sentence
patterns in my
paper.
8 Compared with
Compared with
economics, which
economics, a
focuses on the
discipline that focuses
effects of human
on the effects of I deleted the
activities, physics
[Reading] Shape: human activities, relative clauses to
is destined to be
reduce relative physics is destined to make my paper
far away from
clauses use be far away from look less sprawl
daily life and
daily life and become and less mess.
become a
a discipline that
discipline that
demands heavy
demands heavy
studies.
studies.
9 Since the proof of
The proof of causality
causality needs to
is necessary to
overturn the given
overturn the given I moved modifiers
hypothesis in
hypothesis, so to positions that
physics writing,
[Reading] Shape: scientists of physics are less
scientists design
remove ambiguous writing design ambiguous to
different
modifiers different experiments decrease the
experiments for
for different confusion of the
different
hypotheses to prove readers.
hypotheses to
the truth of the
prove the truth of
hypothesis.
the hypothesis.
1 In contrast, the
0 economics article
analyzing the In contrast, the
I revised the long
social development economics article
subjects into short
advantages deduces causal
[Reading] Shape: ones to shorten the
brought about by relations between
revise long openings. The
the development of social improvement
openings main ideas of each
nuclear energy and nuclear energy
paragraph now is
presents causal development from
clearer for readers.
relations deduced real-life phenomena.
by real-life
phenomena.
1 Therefore, for [Reading] Therefore, the physics I removed words
1 most people, Concision: Delete article is less and phrases with
complex physics doubled words accessible because the same meanings to
articles are less content is too make the paper
 accessible because
most people cannot
understand the
content in the complex for most
writing, and the people to understand,
audience of easy- while the economics more concise.
to-understand article is easy to
economics articles understand.
will be relatively
wide comparing to
that of physics.
1 The arguments are
The arguments are I repeated what at
2 grouped under
grouped under the end of
[Reading] corresponding
corresponding previous sentence
Cohesion and headings. The
headings. They at the beginning of
Coherence: headings then are
then divide these the following
enhance the sense divided into
larger aspects into sentence to
of flow subheadings with
smaller angles and provide cohesion
contentions in
add subheadings. to this paper.
narrower angles.
1 Although these
3 figures and tables
are used for Although these
additional figures and tables are
explanation and used for additional
demonstration, explanation and
they still need demonstration, they
professional still need professional
knowledge to knowledge to
I added 4 more
understand them. understand them.
transition words in
In economics Me: add more However, in the
the paragraphs to
articles, there is transitions within economics article,
increased the flow
only a map the paragraphs. there is only a map
and logic of my
showing the showing the
paper.
distribution of distribution of nuclear
nuclear power power plants in the
plants in the article article other than text,
other than text, but but understanding this
understanding this visual material does
visual material not require economic
does not require expertise.
economic
expertise.
1 However, the jargon
However, the
4 of physics is
jargon of physics
relatively unfamiliar, I added more
is relatively
and most of them are evidence to
unfamiliar, and
difficult to understand support my
most of them are Me: add more
unless the reader has argument. It
difficult to evidence
studied this increased the
understand unless
discipline, including reliability of my
the reader has
“microcantilever,” paper.
studied this
“atomization,”
discipline.
“zircaloy,” etc.
1 The proof of
5 causality is
necessary to
overturn the given
hypothesis, so
scientists of The proof of causality
physics writing is necessary to
design different overturn the given
experiments for hypothesis, so
different scientists of physics
I revised 29
hypotheses to writing design
grammar errors in
prove the truth of different experiments
the paper. These
the hypothesis. for different
Me: check were as many
The experiment hypotheses to prove
grammar errors as I could
designed to test the the truth of the
find. It increased
resistance of this hypothesis, with
the credibility of
new technology experimental data of
my paper.
demonstrates the cold spray coating for
cold spraying alloys, nano-hardness
process, measurement, and
experimental data experimental
of cold spray statistical results
coating for alloys,
nano-hardness
measurement, and
experimental
statistical results.