MINIBOOKS

A CHRISTIAN TEEN'S
GUIDE TO...

DATING & SEX


DATING &
SEX...
Dating and sex are two of the most
common issues that Christian
teenagers want to discuss with their
youth leaders.
And if you’re a Christian teen, odds are
you’ve wondered how dating and sex
fit into God’s plan for your life - which is
great!
It's so important that we wrestle with
topics like this, and make sure that
we're honouring God with our whole
lives.
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In this Christian Teen’s Guide to
Dating and Sex, we’re going to take
a look at what the Bible says about
dating and sex, and answer a few of
the most common questions about
this topic that we've received at
Fervr.net.
WHAT DOES
THE BIBLE
SAY?
As Christians, we turn the Bible as
our primary source of wisdom for
how we live, so let’s begin by taking
a look at what the Bible says about
dating, marriage and sex.
DATING &
MARRIAGE
What does the Bible says
about dating?
I’ve got some bad news,
unfortunately… the Bible says
nothing about dating!
In Biblical times, both the Old and
New Testament, the vast majority
of marriages were arranged by the
families of the couple. They didn’t
get much of a say in who they
married, and there was certainly
no dating period in which couples
“tried out” the relationship.
That doesn’t mean all
Christians should have
arranged marriages today. 
Instead, when we want to
think about dating in our
modern context, we have to
look at what is timeless in the
Bible – most importantly, we
have to look at what the Bible
says about marriage
. himself up for her to make her holy,
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In the Bible, marriage is the first
human relationship that God
creates.
After he makes Adam and Eve, they
become the first married couple –
committed to one another before
God.
Even after the fall, marriage remains
a key part of God’s plans for
humanity. It is still his intention that
men and women come together in
exclusive relationships, for the
purposes of loving each other and
growing together in godliness – and
to make more people!
Plus, since Jesus, marriage has had
another special purpose:
representing the relationship
between Jesus and the church.
Ephesians 5:25-27 explains:
Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ loved the church and gave
cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant
church, without stain or wrinkle or
any other blemish, but holy and
blameless.
Married couples have a special
responsibility: to represent this
sacrificial relationship to the
world. It’s a great joy but also
means we need to take
marriage very seriously!
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS
ABOUT SEX
The Bible is very clear about sex: it is for husbands and wives in the security
and privacy of marriage.

Inside marriage, sex is a beautiful, bonding activity that connects a couple

deeply and can lead to the conception of children.

Sex inside marriage is meant to be enjoyable and loving.

Sexual activity outside of this God-ordained marriage is sinful, and the Bible
warns strongly about sexual immorality throughout the Old and New
Testament.

Check out 1 Corinthians 6:13, 1 Corinthians 6:18  Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3, 1
Thessalonians 4:3-5 for just a few references.

Because marriage, according to God, is between a man and a

woman, that means that sexual activity between same-sex partners
is also not ok in God’s eyes, even if they are married in the eyes of
the law of a state or country.

IN JESUS' WORDS...

“HAVEN’T YOU READ,” HE REPLIED, “THAT

AT THE BEGINNING THE CREATOR ‘MADE
THEM MALE AND FEMALE,’ AND SAID...

‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN WILL LEAVE HIS

FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE UNITED TO
HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO WILL BECOME ONE
FLESH’?

SO THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO, BUT ONE

FLESH. THEREFORE WHAT GOD HAS JOINED
TOGETHER, LET NO ONE SEPARATE.”

– MATTHEW 19:4-6 NIV

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LET'S GET
PRACTICAL
Now that we’ve taken a look at what
the Bible has to say about dating,
marriage and sex, let’s address some of
the questions that you might be
wondering about, as you seek to follow
God in this area.

What is the purpose of

dating?

Since there’s no dating in the Bible,

there are no guidelines that tell us
exactly what dating is for.

But wise Christians have figured out

over the past few centuries that dating
(or courting or going out or whatever
you call it!) should be used for one main
thing: to find someone to marry!
Now that we don’t have arranged
marriages, dating is what we do instead
to find a suitable person to marry.
Keeping this end goal in mind is
important, because if you’re dating
someone you can’t see yourself
marrying, you need to ask why you're in
that relationship.
Christians don’t just date for fun,
or to have someone to hang out
with on a Saturday night. We date
for a purpose.
Who should I date?
Since dating for Christians should
look towards finding someone to
marry, it makes sense that you
shouldn’t date a non-Christian.
  Do not be yoked [joined] together
with unbelievers. For what do
righteousness and wickedness
have in common? Or what
fellowship can light have with
darkness?" – 2 Corinthians 6:14
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There are obviously other important
things to consider when picking
someone to date, including how old
they are, your common interests, and of
course whether they are nice to you!
But if you want to marry a Christian,
date a Christian.
If you date a non-Christian, consider
what will happen:
You won’t share core values, like
prioritising spending time with other
Christians
Fighting sexual temptation might be
harder because they’ll probably want to
go further than you know you should
You could end up in a really hard
marriage, where you fight about how to
spend your time and raise your children
Even if you’re young, dating is still
preparing for marriage. It's just not
wise to date a non-Christian! You
can read more about this at Fervr.
Check out the 'Find Out More'
section at the end of this guide.
When should I start dating? All that being said… there is
definitely no rule around this area.
Since dating is preparing for
Your church might teach
marriage, some people think it
something different, and that’s ok!
makes some sense to save dating
until you’re old enough to get
Since dating isn’t in the Bible,
married.
different Christians are going to
have different ideas around issues
Michael Dicker wrote a great
like this one.
article for Fervr about not dating
until after high school. 
If you do choose to start dating a
long time before you get married,
His four main reasons to save
be aware of the challenges you
dating for after high school are:
may face.
1. To avoid extra temptation – if
The younger you are, the more
you’re not dating anyone, you’re
casual you should keep your
less likely to be tempted to sin
relationship.
sexually
Save serious talks about the future
2. Because break ups are messy –
for when you’re older, hang out
breaking up with your boyfriend or
with friends and family more than
girlfriend could damage your
alone, and think seriously about
friendships at school or church
your physical boundaries.
3. People change – some people
are very different a few years after How far can I go?
high school and there’s a good
chance your teenage date won’t Speaking of physical boundaries…
be as appealing when you’re 20 this is the biggest question
Christian teens seem to have
4. It’s fun being young and single – around dating!
singleness is a gift from God and
we should enjoy it, and not rush But it’s actually the wrong
into marrying just for the sake of it question to be asking. 1
Corinthians 6:18 tells us to “flee
from sexual immorality”.

Asking how far you can go with

your boyfriend or girlfriend is like
playing a game of soccer, and
trying to see how close to your
own goal you can get the ball.

It’s just not what you’re supposed

to do – you should try to keep the
ball as far away as possible. In the
same way, you should try to stay as
far away from doing something
wrong sexually when you are
dating.

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SETTING
BOUNDARIES
If you choose to date as a teen, you'll need to set some boundaries with your boyfriend
or girlfriend.

You might consider boundaries like the following:

Never being in your bedrooms, or at least never shutting the door

Not being home alone together

Applying the “Disney movie” rule – if a couple wouldn’t do it in a G-rated Disney

movie, you shouldn’t do it!

Depending on you as a couple, you might even choose to save kissing at all until
you’re married or at least engaged

If you’re serious about your sexual purity, you might like to ask a trusted adult to
keep you accountable. If your parents are Christians, you could even ask them.
Nothing helps avoid a sexual mistake like a parent who insists on keeping your
bedroom door open.

Don’t forget – while physical boundaries are important, emotional

boundaries are also significant.

Guard your heart as well as your body, taking things slowly. Make sure you
maintain your friendships, so you have another person to talk to other than
just your boyfriend or girlfriend!

You can read more about this at Fervr. Check out the 'Find Out More' section
at the end of this guide.

GOD'S WORD SAYS...

ABOVE ALL ELSE, GUARD YOUR HEART,

FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO FLOWS FROM IT.
– PROVERBS 4:23

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QUESTIONS
TO THINK
ABOUT...
If you’re considering dating, or just
want to think more deeply about this
topic, here are some questions to help
you:

What sort of a person does God

want you to marry?

What are your own personal

preferences for a spouse?

If you want to start dating, why?

Is there a certain person you think

would be a good match for you, or
do you just want to do what your
friends are doing?

What sort of physical relationship do

FIND OUT
you think would be appropriate
with your boyfriend or girlfriend? MORE
Can you back this up from the
Bible? How will you stay strong on Click on the Fervr articles below or
this? visit Fervr.net for more helpful
insights on sex, dating and
How long do you think you’d be marriage.
able to date before you’d want
to get married? Four reasons to save dating until after
high school
Depending on your age, do you
think it’s a good idea to start Setting emotional boundaries in
dating now?
dating

Why dating a non-Christian is a bad

idea

60 more free articles for Christian teens

about dating and sex

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