C h rist op her Isherwood

______________________________

A Si ngle M a n
F irst p u b lis h ed i n 1 9 6 4

T h is is a n A m eric a n n ovel i n t h a t it w a s writte n b y Is h er wood after h e h a d t a k e n U S

n a tio n a lity. A m eric a n critics felt t h a t it w a s a B ritis h n ovel. O n e co u ld sp e n d m a n y p ages
po n d eri ng w h a t m a k es a boo k wit h a n A m eric a n setti ng sp ecifica lly B ritis h . T h e h ero
G eorge? H e h a s a n E nglis h b a c k gro u n d, b u t h e is a s m u c h a n a t u r a lized A m erica n a s
h is cre a tor (w h o m h e m u c h rese m b les). It m u st b e so m et h i ng to do wit h t h e style--
d elica te, el u sive a n d all u sive, u n b r u t a l, n ot li k e M ailer. I do n ot li k e t h e d ivisio n of t h e
n ovel i n E nglis h i n to n a tio n a l e n tities. T h i s is a fi n e b rief n ovel i n t h e A nglop ho n e
tr a d itio n , w h a tever t h a t m e a n s.

A Si ngle M a n h as b ee n ter m ed a n ovel of t h e h o m osex u al s u bc u lt u re. G eorge h as k n ow n

a lo ng lovi ng a tt a c h m e n t to a m a n w h o is now d ea d. H e lives a lo n e a n d we a re give n a
d a y i n h is life. H e is fifty-eig h t, a lect u rer i n a C a lifor n ia n college (we see h i m te a c h i ng,
very a m u si ngly, H u x ley's After M a n y a S u m m er). H e is c h a r m i ng, li b era l, a n ot very voc al
u p h ol der of m i n ority rig h ts. H is ow n h o mosex u ality is s u bs u m ed i n ot h er a ssa iled
m i n ority sit u a tio n s. H e tells h is st u de n ts t h a t " a m i n ority is o n ly t h o u g h t of a s a
m i n ority w h e n it co n stit u tes so m e k i n d of t h re a t to t h e m a jority, rea l or i m agi n a ry. A n d
n o t h re a t is ever q u ite i m agi n a ry... m i n orities a re p eop le; people, n ot a ngels. " B u t h e
see m s a t h re a t to n obod y--wit h d r a w n , refi n ed, o u t of sy m p a t h y wit h A m eric a n
p h ilisti n is m a n d b r a s h n ess, a m a n w h o h as lost h is re al re a so n for livi ng. H e b elo ngs to
t h a t m a jority (or is it a m i n ority?) ca lled t h e livi ng, a n d livi ng m ea n s getti ng t h ro u g h t h e
d a y. H is d a y is a b sorb i ng to t h e re a d er, t h o u g h n ot h i ng re a lly h a p p e n s. H e e n d s u p
d r u n k i n b ed, m a st u r b a ti ng. H e h a s a lively visio n of d ea t h --re m a r k a b ly d escri b ed : t h e
silti ng u p of t h e a rteries, t h e tired h e a rt, t h e lig h ts of co n scio u s n ess st a rti ng to go o u t.
H e goes to sleep ; t h e d a y is over. To m a k e u s fa sci n a ted wit h t h e every d a y n o n -eve n ts of
a n or d i n a ry life w a s J oyce's gre a t a c h ieve m en t. B u t h ere t h ere a re n o J oyce a n tric k s to
ex a lt m oc k -ep ic a lly t h e b a n al. It is a fi n e p iece of p l a i n w riti ng w h ic h h a u n ts t h e
m e m ory.

--A n t h o n y B u rgess, 9 9 Novels: T h e B est i n E nglis h Si n ce 1 9 3 9

To G ore V i d al

W A K I N G u p begi n s wit h s a yi ng a m a n d n ow. T h a t w h ic h h a s a wo k e n t h e n lies for a

w h ile st a ri ng u p a t t h e ceili ng a n d dow n i n to itself u n til it h a s recog n ized I, a n d
t h erefro m d ed u ced I a m, I a m n ow. H ere co m es n ex t, a n d is a t le a st n ega tively
re a ss u ri ng; b ec a u se h ere, t h is m or n i ng, is w h ere it h a s ex p ected to fi n d itself: w h a t's
c a lled a t h o m e.
B u t n ow is n't si m p ly n ow. Now is a lso a cold re m i n d er: o n e w h ole d a y la ter t h a n
yester d a y, o n e ye a r la ter t h a n l a st ye a r. E very n o w is l a b eled wit h its d a te, re n d eri ng all
p a st n ows ob solete, u n til--l a ter or soo n er--p er h a p s-- n o, n ot p er h a p s--q u ite cert a i n ly: it
will co m e.
F e a r twe a k s t h e v ag u s n erve. A sic k is h s h ri n k i ng fro m w h a t w a its, so m ew h ere o u t
t h ere, d e a d a h e a d .
B u t m e a n w h ile t h e cortex , t h a t gri m discipli n a ri a n , h a s t a k e n its p l a ce a t t h e
ce n tr a l co n trols a n d h as bee n testi ng t h e m , o n e after a n ot h er: t h e legs stretc h , t h e lower
b a c k is a rc h ed , t h e fi ngers cle n c h a n d rel a x . A n d n ow, over t h e e n tire
i n terco m m u n ic a tio n syste m , is iss u ed t h e first ge n er a l or d er of t h e d a y: UP.
O b ed ie n tly t h e bod y levers itself o u t of b ed --wi n ci ng fro m twi nges i n t h e a rt h ritic
t h u m b s a n d t h e left k n ee, m ild ly n a u sea ted b y t h e p ylor u s i n a st a te of sp a s m --a n d
s h a m b les n a k ed i n to t h e b a t h roo m , w h ere its b l a d der is e m p tied a n d it is weig h ed: still a
b it over 1 5 0 po u n d s, i n sp ite of a ll t h a t toili ng a t t h e gy m! T h e n to t h e m ir ror.
W h a t it sees t h ere is n't so m u c h a fa ce a s t h e ex p ressio n of a p redic a m e n t. H ere's
w h a t it h a s do n e to itself, h ere's t h e m ess it h a s so m e h ow m a n aged to get itself i n to
d u ri ng its fifty-eig h t ye a rs; ex p ressed i n ter m s of a d u ll, h a r assed st a re, a co a rse n ed
n ose, a m o u t h d r agged dow n b y t h e cor n ers i n to a gri m a ce a s if a t t h e so u r n ess of its
ow n tox i n s, c h ee k s saggi ng fro m t h eir a n c h ors of m u scle, a t h ro a t h a ngi ng li m p i n ti n y
w ri n k led fol d s. T h e h a r a ssed loo k is t h a t of a d esp er a tely tired swi m m er or r u n n er; yet
t h ere is n o q u estio n of stop p i ng. T h e cre a t u re we a re w a tc h i ng will str u ggle o n a n d o n
u n til it d rop s. Not bec a u se it is h eroic. It ca n i m agi n e n o a lter n a tive.
St a ri ng a n d st a ri ng i n to t h e m ir ror, it sees m a n y fa ces wit h i n its fa ce--t h e fa ce of
t h e c h il d , t h e boy, t h e yo u ng m a n , t h e n ot-so-yo u ng m a n --a ll p rese n t still, p reserved li k e
fossils o n s u p eri m posed l a yers, a n d , li k e fossils, d ea d. T h eir m ess age to t h is live dyi ng
cre a t u re is: Loo k a t u s--we h a ve died --w h a t is t h ere to b e afr a id of?
It a n swers t h e m : B u t t h a t h a p p e n ed so gr a d u a lly, so ea sily. I'm afr a id of b ei ng
r u s h ed .
It st a res a n d st a res. Its lip s p a rt. It st a rts to b re a t h e t h ro u g h its m o u t h . U n til t h e
cortex or ders it i m p a tie n tly to w a s h , to s h a ve, to b r u s h its h a ir. Its n a k ed n ess h a s to be
covered. It m u st b e d ressed u p i n clot h es bec a u se it is goi ng o u tsi d e, i n to t h e worl d of
t h e ot h er p eop le; a n d t h ese ot h ers m u st be a b le to id e n tify it. Its b e h avior m u st b e
a ccep t a b le to t h e m .
O b ed ie n tly, it w as h es, s h a ves, b r u s h es its h air, for it a ccep ts its respo n sib ilities to
t h e ot h ers. It is eve n gl a d t h a t it h a s its p l a ce a m o ng t h e m . It k n ows w h a t is ex pected of
it.
It k n ows its n a m e. It is ca lled G eorge.

B Y t h e ti m e it h a s gotte n d ressed , it h a s b eco m e h e; h a s b eco m e alre a d y m ore or less

G eorge--t h o u g h still n ot t h e w h ole G eorge t h ey d e m a n d a n d a re p rep a red to recog n ize.
T h ose w h o ca ll h i m o n t h e p ho n e a t t h is h o u r of t h e mor n i ng wo u l d b e b ewil d ered ,
m a y b e eve n sca red, if t h ey co u l d rea lize w h a t t h is t h ree-q u a rters- h u m a n t h i ng is w h a t
t h ey a re t a l k i ng to. B u t, of co u rse, t h ey n ever co u l d --its voice's m i micry of t h eir G eorge is
n e a rly p erfect. E ve n C h a rlotte is t a k e n i n b y it. O n ly two or t h ree ti m es h a s s h e se n sed
so m et h i ng u n c a n n y a n d a s k ed , " G eo--a re yo u a ll rig h t?"
H e crosses t h e fro n t roo m , w h ic h h e c a lls h is st u d y, a n d co m es dow n t h e
st a irc a se. T h e st a irs t u r n a cor n er; t h ey a re n a r row a n d steep . Yo u c a n to u c h bot h
h a n d r a ils wit h yo u r elbows, a n d yo u h a ve to b e n d yo u r h e a d , eve n if, li k e G eorge, yo u
a re o n ly five eig h t. T h is is a tig h tly p l a n n ed little h o u se. H e ofte n feels p rotected b y its
s m a ll n ess; t h ere is h a r d ly roo m e n o u g h h ere to feel lo n ely.
N ever t h eless...
T h i n k of two p eop le, livi ng toget h er d a y after d a y, yea r after ye a r, i n t h is s m a ll
sp a ce, st a n d i ng elbow to el bow coo k i ng a t t h e s a m e s m a ll stove, sq u eezi ng p a st e a c h
ot h er o n t h e n a r row st a irs, s h a vi ng i n fro n t of t h e s a m e s m a ll b a t h roo m m ir ror,
co n st a n tly joggi ng, jostli ng, b u m pi ng agai n st e a c h ot h er's bod ies b y m ist a k e or o n
p u r pose, se n s u ally, aggressively, a w k w a rd ly, i m p a tie n tly, i n r age or i n love--t h i n k w h a t
d eep t h o u g h i n visi b le tr a c k s t h ey m u st le ave, every w h ere, b e h i n d t h e m! T h e door w a y
i n to t h e k itc h e n h a s b ee n b u ilt too n a r row. Two people i n a h u r ry, wit h p l a tes of food i n
t h eir h a n d s, a re a p t to k eep collid i ng h ere. A n d it is h ere, n ea rly every m or n i ng, t h a t
G eorge, h a vi ng re ac h ed t h e botto m of t h e sta irs, h a s t h is se n s a tio n of s u d d e n ly fi n d i ng
h i m self o n a n a b r u p t, b r u t a lly b ro k e n off, jagged edge--a s t h o u g h t h e tr a c k h a d
d is a p p e a red dow n a la n d sli d e. It is h ere t h a t h e stop s s h ort a n d k n ows, wit h a sic k
n ew n ess, a l m ost a s t h o u g h it were for t h e first ti m e: J i m is d ea d . Is de a d .
H e st a n d s q u ite still, sile n t, or a t m ost u tter i ng a b rief a n i m a l gr u n t, a s h e w a its
for t h e sp a s m to p ass. T h e n h e w a l k s i n to t h e k itc h e n . T h ese m or n i ng sp a s m s a re too
p a i nf u l to b e tre a ted se n ti m e n t a lly. After t h e m , h e feels relief, m erely. It is li k e getti ng
over a b a d a tt a c k of cr a m p .

T O D AY, t h ere a re m ore a n ts, wi n d i ng i n col u m n a cross t h e floor, cli m b i ng u p over t h e

si n k a n d t h re a te n i ng t h e closet w h ere h e k eep s t h e j a m s a n d t h e h o n ey. D oggedly h e
d estroys t h e m wit h a F lit g u n a n d h a s a s u d d e n gli m p se of h i m self doi ng t h is: a n
ob sti n a te, m a levole n t ol d t h i ng i m posi ng h is will u po n t h ese i n str u ctive a n d a d m ir a b le
i n sects. Life destroyi ng life b efore a n a u d ien ce of ob jects--pots a n d p a n s, k n ives a n d
for k s, ca n s a n d bottles--t h a t h a ve n o p a rt i n t h e k i ngd o m of evol u tio n . W h y? W h y? Is it
so m e cos m ic e n e m y, so m e a rc h -ty r a n t w h o tries to b li n d u s to h is very ex iste n ce by
setti ng u s aga i n st o u r n a t u r a l a llies, t h e fellow victi m s of h is ty r a n n y? B u t, al a s, by t h e
ti m e G eorge h a s t h o u g h t a ll t h is, t h e a n ts a re a lre a d y d ea d a n d m op p ed u p o n a wet
clot h a n d ri n sed dow n t h e si n k .
H e fi x es h i m self a p l a te of poa c h ed eggs, wit h b aco n a n d toa st a n d coffee, a n d sits
dow n to e a t t h e m a t t h e k itc h e n t a b le. A n d m e a n w h ile, a ro u n d a n d a ro u n d i n h is h e a d
goes t h e n u rsery ji ngle h is n a n n y t a u g h t h i m w h e n h e w a s a c h il d i n E ngl a n d , a ll t h ose
ye a rs ago: Poa c h ed eggs o n to a st a re very n ice (H e sees h er so p la i n ly still, gra y - h a ired
wit h m o u se-b rig h t eyes, a pl u m p little body ca r ryi ng i n t h e n u rsery b re a k fa st tr a y, s h ort
of b re a t h fro m cli m bi ng all t h ose sta irs. S h e u sed to gr u m b le a t t h eir steep n ess a n d c a ll
t h e m " T h e Wood e n Mo u n t a i n s "--o n e of t h e m agic p h r a ses of h is c h il d hood.)

Po ac h ed eggs o n to a st a re very n ice,

If yo u try t h e m o n ce yo u'll w a n t t h e m twice!

A h , t h e h e a rtb re a k i ngly i n sec u re s n u g n ess of t h ose n u rsery ple a s u res! M a ster

G eorge e n joyi ng h is eggs; N a n n y w a tc h i ng h i m a n d s m ili ng re a ss u r a n ce t h a t a ll is s afe
i n t h eir d e a r ti n y doo m ed worl d!

B R E A K F A S T wit h J i m u sed to b e o n e of t h e b est ti m es of t h eir d a y. It w a s t h e n , w h ile

t h ey were d ri n k i ng t h eir seco n d a n d t h ird c u p s of coffee, t h a t t h ey h a d t h eir b est t a l k s.
T h ey t a l k ed a bo u t every t h i ng t h a t c a m e i n to t h eir h e a d s--i n cl u d i ng de a t h , of co u rse, a n d
is t h ere s u rviv a l, a n d , if so, w h a t ex a ctly is it t h a t s u rvives. T h ey eve n d isc u ssed t h e
rel a tive a d va n t ages a n d dis a d v a n t ages of getti ng k illed i n st a n tly a n d of k n owi ng yo u're
a bo u t to d ie. B u t n ow G eorge ca n't for t h e life of h i m re m e m b er w h a t J i m's views were o n
t h is. S u c h q u estio n s a re h a rd to t a k e serio u sly. T h ey see m so ac a d e m ic.
J u st s u p pose t h a t t h e d e a d do revisit t h e livi ng. T h a t so m et h i ng a p p rox i m a tely to
b e d escri bed as J i m ca n ret u r n to see h ow G eorge is m a k i ng o u t. Wo u l d t h is be a t a ll
s a tisfactory? Wo u l d it eve n b e wort h w h ile? At b est, s u rely, it wo u l d b e li k e t h e b rief visit
of a n ob server fro m a n ot h er co u n try w h o is p er m itted to p eep i n for a m o m e n t fro m t h e
v a st o u t doors of h is freedo m a n d see, a t a dist a n ce, t h ro u g h gl a ss, t h is fig u re w h o sits
solit a ry a t t h e s m a ll t a ble i n t h e n a r row roo m , e a ti ng h is po a c h ed eggs h u m bly a n d
d u lly, a p riso n er for life.
T h e livi ng roo m is d a r k a n d low -ceili nged , wit h boo k s h elves a ll a lo ng t h e w a ll
op posite t h e wi n dows. T h ese boo k s h a ve n ot m a d e G eorge n ob ler or b etter or m ore tr u ly
wise. It is j u st t h a t h e li k es liste n i ng to t h eir voices, t h e o n e or t h e ot h er, accord i ng to h is
m ood. H e m is u ses t h e m q u ite r u t h lessly--d esp ite t h e resp ectf u l w a y h e h a s to t a l k a bo u t
t h e m i n p u b lic--to p u t h i m to sleep, to t a k e h is m i n d off t h e h a n d s of t h e cloc k , to rela x
t h e n aggi ng of h is p yloric sp a s m , to gossip h i m o u t of h is m el a n c h oly, to trigger t h e
co n d itio n ed reflex es of h is colo n .
H e t a k es o n e of t h e m dow n n ow, a n d R u s k i n s a ys to h i m : " yo u li k ed pop -g u n s
w h e n yo u were sc h ool boys, a n d rifles a n d Ar m stro ngs a re o n ly t h e s a m e t h i n gs better
m a d e: b u t t h e n t h e worst of it is, t h a t w h a t w a s p la y to yo u w h e n boys, w a s n ot p l a y to
t h e sp a r rows; a n d w h a t is p la y to yo u n ow, is n ot p l a y to t h e s m a ll b ird s of St a te n eit h er;
a n d for t h e bl a c k eagles, yo u a re so m ew h a t sh y of t a k i ng s h ots a t t h e m , if I m ist a k e n ot. "
I n toler a ble ol d R u s k i n , a lw a ys a b sol u tely i n t h e rig h t, a n d cr a zy, a n d so cross,
wit h h is w h is k ers, scol di ng t h e E nglis h -- h e i s tod a y's p erfect co m p a n io n for five m i n u tes
o n t h e toilet. G eorge feels a bowel m ove m en t co m i ng o n wit h agree a b le u rge n cy a n d
cli m b s t h e st a irs b ris k ly to t h e b a t h roo m , boo k i n h a n d .

SIT TI N G o n t h e jo h n , h e c a n loo k o u t of t h e wi n dow. (T h ey c a n see h is h e a d a n d

s h o u l d ers fro m a cross t h e street, b u t n ot w h a t h e is doi ng.) It is a gr a y l u k ew a r m
C a lifor n i a wi n ter m or n i ng; t h e s k y is low a n d soft wit h P a cific fog. D ow n a t t h e s h ore,
oce a n a n d s k y will b e o n e soft, s a d gr a y. T h e p al m s st a n d u n stir red a n d t h e ole a n d er
b u s h es d ri p m oist u re fro m t h eir lea ves.
T h is street is c a lled C a m p hor Tree L a n e. M a y b e c a m p h or trees grew h ere o n ce;
t h ere a re n o n e n ow. More p rob a b ly t h e n a m e w a s c h ose n for its p ict u resq u e n ess b y t h e
p io n eer esc a p ists fro m d i ngy dow n tow n Los A ngeles a n d st u ffy-s n ob b is h Pa s a d e n a w h o
c a m e o u t h ere a n d fo u n d ed t h is colo n y b a c k i n t h e e a rly twe n ties. T h ey refer red to t h eir
st u cco b u nga lows a n d cl a p bo a rd s h a c k s a s cott ages, givi ng t h e m c u te n a m es li k e " T h e
F o'c'sle " a n d " H i N u ff. " T h ey c a lled t h eir streets l a n es, w a ys or tr a ils, to go wit h t h e
wood sy a t m osp h ere t h ey w a n ted to crea te. T h eir u top i a n d re a m w a s of a s u b tropic al
E nglis h vill age wit h Mo n t m a rtre m a n n ers: a Little G ood Pl a ce w h ere yo u co u ld p a i n t a
b it, w rite a bit, a n d d ri n k lots. T h ey s a w t h e m selves a s rea r-g u a r d i n d ivid u a lists, m a k i ng
a l a st-d itc h st a n d agai n st t h e twe n tiet h ce n t u ry. T h ey ga ve t h a n k s lo u dly fro m m or n till
eve t h a t t h ey h a d esc a ped t h e so u l-d estroyi ng co m m erci alis m of t h e city. T h ey were
t a c k y a n d c h eerf u l a n d d efi a n tly bo h e m i a n , tirelessly i n q u isitive a bo u t e a c h ot h er's
doi ngs, a n d bo u n d lessly toler a n t. W h e n t h ey fo u g h t, a t lea st it w a s wit h fists a n d bottles
a n d f u r n it u re, n ot la w yers. Most of t h e m were l u c k y e n o u g h to h ave d ied off b efore t h e
G re a t C h a nge.
T h e C h a nge b ega n i n t h e l a te forties, w he n t h e Worl d W a r Two vets c a m e
sw a r m i ng o u t of t h e E a st wit h t h eir j u st - m a r rie d wives, i n sea rc h of n ew a n d better
b reedi ng gro u n d s i n t h e s u n n y So u t h l a n d , w h ic h h a d bee n t h eir l a st n ost a lgic gli m p se of
h o m e b efore t h ey s hi p p ed o u t to t h e Pa cific. A n d w h a t b etter b reed i ng gro u n d t h a n a
h illsid e n eig h bor h ood li k e t h is o n e, o n ly five m i n u tes' w a l k fro m t h e b e a c h a n d wit h n o
t h ro u g h t r affic to d eci m a te t h e f u t u re tots? So, o n e b y o n e, t h e cott ages w h ic h u sed to
ree k of b a t h t u b gi n a n d rever b er a te wit h t h e poetry of H a rt C r a n e h a ve fa lle n to t h e
occ u p yi ng a r m y of C o k e-d ri n k i ng televisio n w a tc h ers.
T h e vets t h e m selves, n o do u b t, wo u l d h a ve a dj u sted p retty well to t h e origi n a l
bo h e m i a n u top ia ; m a yb e so m e of t h e m wo u l d eve n h a ve t a k e n to p a i n ti ng or w riti ng
b etwee n h a ngovers. B u t t h eir wives ex p l ai n ed to t h e m , rig h t fro m t h e st a rt a n d i n t h e
very clea rest la ng u age, t h a t b reedi ng a n d bo h e m i a n is m do n ot m i x. F or b reed i ng yo u
n eed a ste a d y job , yo u n eed a m ortgage, yo u n eed cred it, yo u n eed i n s u r a n ce. A n d do n't
yo u d a re d ie, eit h er, u n til t h e fa m ily's f u t u re is p rovi d ed for.
So t h e tots a p p e a red , litter after litter after l itter. A n d t h e s m a ll ol d sc h ool h o u se
b ec a m e a gro u p of b ig n ew a iry b u ild i ngs. A n d t h e s h a b b y m a r k et o n t h e oce a n fro n t
w a s e n l a rged i n to a s u p er. A n d o n C a m p h or Tree L a n e two sig n s were posted . O n e of
t h e m tol d yo u n ot to e a t t h e w a tercress w h ich grew a lo ng t h e b ed of t h e cree k , b eca u se
t h e w a ter w a s poll u ted. (T h e origi n a l colo n ists h a d b ee n e a ti ng it for ye a rs; a n d G eorge
a n d J i m tried so m e a n d it t a sted d elicio u s a n d n ot h i ng h a p pe n ed .) T h e ot h er sig n --t h ose
si n ister b la c k sil h o u ettes o n a yellow gro u n d --s a i d C H IL D R E N A T PL AY.

G E O R G E a n d J i m s a w t h e yellow sig n , of co u rse, t h e first ti m e t h ey c a m e dow n h ere,

h o u se- h u n ti ng. B u t t h ey ig n ored it, for t h ey h a d a lre a d y falle n i n love wit h t h e h o u se.
T h ey loved it b ec a u se yo u co u ld o n ly get to it by t h e b ri dge a cross t h e cree k ; t h e
s u r ro u n d i ng trees a n d t h e steep b u s h y cliff b e h i n d s h u t it i n li k e a h o u se i n a forest
cle a ri ng. " As good a s b ei ng o n o u r ow n isl a n d , " G eorge s a id . T h ey w a ded a n k le-d eep i n
d e a d le a ves fro m t h e syc a m ore (a c h ro n ic n u is a n ce); deter m i n ed , n ow, to li k e every t h i ng.
Peeri ng i n to t h e low d a m p d a r k livi ng roo m, t h ey agreed h ow cozy it wo u l d b e a t n ig h t
wit h a fire. T h e ga r age w a s covered wit h a v a st h u m p ed grow t h of ivy, h a lf d e a d , h a lf
a live, w h ic h m a d e it t wice a s b ig a s itself; i n si d e it w a s ti n y, h a vi ng b ee n b u ilt i n t h e
d a ys of t h e Mod el T F or d . J i m t h o u g h t it wo u ld b e u sef u l for k eep i ng so m e of t h e
a n i m a ls i n . T h eir c a rs were bot h too b ig for it, a n y w a y, b u t t h ey co u l d b e p a r k ed o n t h e
b ri dge. T h e b ri dge w a s b egi n n i ng to s ag a little, t h ey n oticed . " O h well, I ex p ect it'll la st
o u r ti m e, " s a id J i m .
No do u b t t h e n eig h bor h ood c h il d re n see t h e h o u se very m u c h a s G eorge a n d J i m
s a w it t h a t first after n oo n . S h aggy wit h ivy a n d d a r k a n d secret-loo k i ng, it is j u st t h e l air
yo u'd c h oose for a m e a n ol d story boo k mo n ster. T h is is t h e role G eorge h a s fo u n d
h i m self pl a yi ng, wit h i n cre a si ng viole n ce, si nce h e st a rted to live a lo n e. It rele a ses a p a rt
of h is n a t u re w h ic h h e h a ted to let J i m see. W h a t wo u ld J i m sa y if h e co u l d see G eorge
w a vi ng h is a r m s a n d ro a ri ng li k e a m a d m a n fro m t h e wi n dow, a s M rs. Str u n k's B e n n y
a n d M rs. G a rfei n's J oe d a s h b a c k a n d fort h a cross t h e b ridge o n a d a re? (J i m alw a ys got
a lo ng wit h t h e m so e a sily. H e wo u ld let t h e m p et t h e s k u n k s a n d t h e r a ccoo n a n d t a l k to
t h e m y n a b ird ; a n d yet t h ey n ever crossed t he b ridge wit h o u t b ei ng i n vited .)
M rs. Str u n k , w h o lives op posite, d u tif u lly scol d s h er c h ild re n fro m ti m e to ti m e,
telli ng t h e m to le a ve h i m a lo n e, ex p l ai n i ng t h a t h e's a p rofessor a n d h a s to wor k so h a rd .
B u t M rs. Str u n k , sweet- n a t u red t h o u g h s h e is--grow n we a rily ge n tle fro m toili ng a ro u n d
t h e h o u se a t h er c h ores, ge n tly m el a n c h oly fro m regretti ng h er si ngi ng d a ys o n r a dio; a ll
give n u p i n or der to b ea r M r. Str u n k five boys a n d two girls--eve n s h e c a n't refr a i n fro m
telli ng G eorge, wit h a s m ile of m ot h erly i n d u lge n ce a n d j u st t h e fa i n test h i n t of a p p rova l,
t h a t B e n n y (h er yo u ngest) n ow refers to h i m a s " T h a t M a n , " si n ce G eorge r a n B e n n y
cle a r o u t of t h e y a rd , a cross t h e b ridge a n d dow n t h e s treet; h e h a d b ee n b ea ti ng o n t h e
door of t h e h o u se wit h a h a m m er.
G eorge is a s h a med of h is roa ri ngs b ec a u se t h ey a re n't p l a ya cti ng. H e does
ge n u i n ely lose h is te m p er a n d feels h u m ilia ted a n d sic k to h is sto m a c h la ter. A t t h e
s a m e ti m e, h e is q u ite well a w a re t h a t t h e c h il d re n w a n t h i m to b e h a ve i n t h is w a y. T h ey
a re a ct u a lly willi ng h i m to do it. If h e s ho u ld s u d d e n ly ref u se to p la y t h e m o n ster, a n d
t h ey co u l d n o lo nger p rovo k e h i m , t h ey wo u l d h a ve to loo k a ro u n d for a s u b stit u te. T h e
q u estio n Is t h is pl a ya cti ng or does h e rea lly h a te u s? n ever occ u rs to t h e m . T h ey a re
u tterly i n d iffere n t to h i m ex-cep t a s a c h a ra cter i n t h eir m y t h s. It is o n ly G eorge w h o
c a res. T h erefore h e is a ll t h e m ore a s h a m ed of h is m o m e n t of we a k n ess a bo u t a m o n t h
ago, w h e n h e bo u g h t so m e c a n d y a n d offered it to a b u n c h of t h e m o n t h e street. T h ey
too k it wit h o u t t h a n k s, loo k i ng a t h i m c u rio u sly a n d u n e a sily; le a r n i ng fro m h i m m a yb e
a t t h a t m o m e n t t h eir first lesso n i n co n te m p t.

M E A N W H IL E , R u s k i n h a s co m p letely lost h is wig. " Ta ste is t h e O N LY m or a lity!" h e yells,

w aggi ng h is fi nger a t G eorge. H e is getti ng tireso m e, so G eorge c u ts h i m off i n
m i d se n te n ce b y closi ng t h e boo k . Still sitt i ng o n t h e jo h n , G eorge loo k s o u t of t h e
wi n dow.
T h e m or n i ng is q u iet. N e a rly a ll t h e k i ds a re i n sc h ool; t h e C h rist m a s va c a tio n is
still a co u ple of wee k s a w a y. (A t t h e t h o u g h t of C h rist m a s, G eorge feels a c h ill of
d esp er a tio n . M a yb e h e'll do so m et h i ng d r a stic, t a k e a p la n e to M ex ico C ity a n d b e d r u n k
for a wee k a n d r u n wild a ro u n d t h e b a rs. Yo u wo n't, a n d yo u n ever will, a voice s a ys,
col dly bored wit h h i m .)
A h , h ere's B e n n y, h a m m er i n h a n d . H e h u n ts a m o ng t h e tr a s h c a n s set o u t re a d y
for collectio n o n t h e sid ew al k a n d d rags o u t a b ro k e n b a t h roo m sc a le. As G eorge
w a tc h es, B e n n y begi n s s m as h i ng it wi t h h is h a m m er, u tteri ng cries a s h e does so; h e is
m a k i ng b elieve t h a t t h e m a c h i n e is scre a mi ng wit h p a i n . A n d to t h i n k t h a t M rs. Str u n k ,
t h e p ro u d m ot h er of t h is crea t u re, u sed to a s k J i m, wit h s h u d ders of d isg u st, h ow h e
co u l d b ea r to to u c h t h ose h a r m less b a b y k i ng s n a k es!
A n d n ow o u t co m es M rs. Str u n k o n to h er porc h , j u st a s B e n n y co m p letes t h e
m u r d er of t h e sc a le a n d st a n d s loo k i ng dow n a t its sc a ttered i n si d es. "P u t t h e m b a c k!"
s h e tells h i m . " B a c k i n t h e c a n! P u t t h e m b ac k , n ow! B a c k! P u t t h e m b a c k! B a c k i n t h e
c a n!" H er voice rises, falls, i n a co n scio u sly sweet si ngso ng. S h e n ever yells a t h er
c h il d re n . S h e h as re a d a ll t h e p syc h ology boo k s. S h e k n ows t h a t B e n n y is p a ssi ng
t h ro u g h h is Aggressive P h a se, rig h t o n sc h ed u le; it j u st co u ld n't b e m ore n or m a l a n d
h e a lt h y. S h e is well a w a re t h a t s h e c a n b e h e a r d clea r dow n t h e street. It is h er rig h t to
b e h e a r d , for t h is is t h e Mot h ers' H o u r. W h e n B e n n y fi n a lly d rops so m e of t h e b ro k e n
p a rts b a c k i n to t h e tr a s h ca n , s h e si ngso ngs " A tt a boy!" a n d goes b a c k s m ili ng i n to t h e
h o u se.
 So B e n n y w a n d ers off to i n terfere wit h t h ree m u c h s m a ller tots, two boys a n d a
girl, w h o a re tryi ng to d ig a h ole o n t h e v a c a n t lot b etwee n t h e S tr u n k s a n d t h e G a rfei n s.
(T h eir two h o u ses fa ce t h e street fro n t a lly, wi d e-op e n ly, i n a p t co n tr a st to t h e si d ewise
p riv a cy of G eorge's l air.)
O n t h e v a c a n t lot, u n d er t h e h u ge old e u c aly p t u s tree, B e n n y h a s t a k e n over t h e
d iggi ng. H e strip s off h is wi n d b re a k er a n d tosses it to t h e little girl to h ol d ; t h e n h e sp its
o n h is h a n d s a n d pic k s u p t h e sp a d e. H e is so m eo n e or ot h er o n TV , h u n ti ng for b u ried
tre a s u re. T h ese tot-lives a re n ot h i ng b u t a m ed ley of s u c h i m it a tio n s. A n d soo n a s t h ey
c a n spe a k , t h ey st a rt tryi ng to c h a n t t h e si ngi ng co m m ercia ls.
B u t n ow o n e of t h e boys--p er h a p s b ec a u se B e n n y's d iggi ng bores h i m i n t h e s a m e
w a y t h a t M r. S tr u n k's sco u t m a steris h p rojects bore B e n n y--strolls off b y h i m self, firi ng a
c a r b id e ca n n o n . G eorge h a s b ee n over to see M rs. Str u n k a bo u t t h is c a n n o n , p le a d i ng
wit h h er to p le a se ex p la i n to t h e boy's m ot h er t h a t it is d rivi ng h i m slowly cr a zy. B u t
M rs. Str u n k h a s n o i n te n tio n of i n terferi ng wit h t h e a n a rc h y of n a t u re. S m ili ng eva sively,
s h e tells G eorge, "I n ever h e a r t h e n oise ch il d re n m a k e--j u st a s lo ng a s it's a h a p p y
n oise. "
M rs. Str u n k's h o u r a n d t h e power of m ot her h ood will l a st u n til m id after n oo n ,
w h e n t h e b ig boys a n d girls ret u r n fro m sc h ool. T h ey a r rive i n m i x ed gro u p s--fro m w h ic h
n e a rly all of t h e boys b rea k a w a y a t o n ce, h owever, to t a k e p a rt i n t h e m a sc u li n e h o u r of
t h e b a ll-p l a yi ng. T h ey s h o u t lo u d ly a n d h a rs h ly to e a c h ot h er, a n d k ic k a n d le a p a n d
c a tc h wit h a r roga n t gr a ce. W h e n t h e b all la n d s i n a ya r d , t h ey tr a m p le flowers, scr a m b le
over roc k ga r d e n s, b u rst i n to p a tios wit h o u t eve n a t h o u g h t of a pology. If a ca r ve n t u res
a lo ng t h e street, it m u st stop a n d w a it u n til t h ey a re re a d y to let it t h ro u g h ; t h ey k n ow
t h eir rig h ts. A n d n ow t h e m ot h ers m u st k eep t h eir tots i n doors o u t of h a r m's w a y. T h e
girls sit o u t o n t h e porc h es, giggli ng toget her. T h eir eyes a re a lw a ys o n t h e boys, a n d
t h ey will do t h e weird est t h i ngs to a ttr act t h eir a tte n tio n : for ex a m p le, t h e C od y
d a u g h ters k eep fa n n i ng t h eir a n cie n t b la c k pood le a s t h o u g h it were C leop a tr a o n t h e
N ile. T h ey a re d isrega r d ed , n evert h eless, eve n b y t h eir ow n boy frie n d s; for t h is is n ot
t h eir h o u r. T h e o n ly boys w h o will t a l k to t h e m n ow a re soft-spo k e n a n d ge n tle, li k e t h e
doctor's p retty sissy so n , w h o ties rib bo n s to t h e pood le's c u rls.
A n d t h e n , a t le ngt h , t h e m e n will co m e h o m e fro m t h eir job s. A n d it is t h eir h o u r;
a n d t h e b a ll-p l a yi ng m u st stop . F or M r. Str u n k's n erves h a ve n ot bee n i m p roved b y
tryi ng a ll d a y lo ng to sell t h a t p iece of rea l est a te to a b u tterfly-b r ai n ed ric h wi dow, a n d
M r. G a rfei n's te m per is u n cert a i n after t h e te n sio n s of h is swi m m i ng-pool i n st a ll a tio n
co m p a n y. T h ey a n d t h eir fellow fa t h ers c a n be a r n o m ore n oise. (O n S u n d a ys M r. Str u n k
will p l a y b a ll wit h h is so n s, b u t t h is is j u st a n ot h er of h is p h ysica l ed u c a tio n p rojects,
polite a n d serio u s a n d n o rea l f u n .)
E very wee k e n d t h ere a re p a rties. T h e tee n - agers a re e n co u r aged to go off a n d
d a n ce a n d p et wit h e a c h ot h er, eve n if t h e y h a ve n't fi n is h ed t h eir h o m ewor k ; for t h e
grow n u p s n eed d esp er a tely to rel a x, u n ob served . A n d n ow M rs. Str u n k p rep a res s a la ds
wit h , M rs. G a rfei n i n t h e k itc h e n , a n d M r. Str u n k gets t h e b a r b ec u e goi ng o n t h e p a tio,
a n d M r. G a rfei n , crossi ng t h e va c a n t lot wit h a tr a y of bottles a n d a s h a k er, a n n o u n ces
joyf u lly, i n M a ri n e C or p s to n es, " M a rtoo n ies co m i ng u p!"
A n d two, t h ree h o u rs l a ter, after t h e coc k t a ils a n d t h e g u ffa ws, t h e q u ite
a sto n is h i ngly d irty stories, t h e m ore or less co n ce a led p i n c h i ng of ot h er wives' fa n n ies,
t h e ste a k s a n d t h e p ie, w h ile T h e G irls--a s M rs. Str u n k a n d t h e rest will co n ti n u e to c a ll
t h e m selves a n d e a c h ot h er if t h ey live to b e n i n ety --a re w a s h i ng u p , yo u will h e a r M r.
Str u n k a n d h is fellow h u sb a n d s l a u g h i ng a n d t a l k i ng o n t h e porc h , d ri n k s i n h a n d, wit h
t h ic k e n ed sp eec h . T h eir b u si n ess p rob le m s a re forgotte n n ow. A n d t h ey a re p ro u d a n d
gl a d . F or eve n t h e le a st a m o ng t h e m is a co-ow n er of t h e A m eric a n u top i a, t h e k i ngdo m
of t h e good life u po n e a rt h --cr u d ely a p ed by t h e R u ssi a n s, h a ted b y t h e C h i n ese--w h o
a re n o n et h eless re a d y to p u rge a n d st a rve th e m selves for ge n era tio n s, i n t h e h op eless
h op e of i n h eriti ng it. O h yes i n d eed , M r. Str u n k a n d M r. G a rfei n a re p ro u d of t h eir
k i ngdo m . B u t w h y, t h e n , a re t h eir voices li k e t h e voices of boys c alli ng to e a c h ot h er as
t h ey ex p lore a d a r k u n k n ow n c a ve, growi ng ever lo u d er a n d lo u d er, bold er a n d bold er?
D o t h ey k n ow t h a t t h ey a re afr a id? No. B u t t h ey a re very afr a id .
W h a t a re t h ey afr a id of?
T h ey a re afr ai d of w h a t t h ey k n ow is so m ew h ere i n t h e d a r k n ess a ro u n d t h e m , of
w h a t m a y a t a n y mo m e n t e m erge i n to t h e u n d e n i a ble lig h t of t h eir fl as h -l a m p s,
n ever m ore to b e ig n ored , ex p la i n ed a w a y. T h e fie n d t h a t wo n't fit i n to t h eir st a tistics, t h e
G orgo n t h a t ref u ses t h eir p l astic s u rgery, t h e v a m p ire d ri n k i ng blood wit h t a ctless
u n c u lt u red sl u r p s, t h e b a d -s m elli ng b ea st t h a t does n't u se t h eir d eodor a n ts, t h e
u n sp e a k a ble t h a t i n sists, d esp ite all t h eir s h u s h i ng, o n sp e a k i ng its n a m e.
A m o ng m a n y ot h er k i n d s of m o n ster, G eorge s a ys, t h ey a re afra i d of little m e.
M r. Str u n k , G eorge s u p poses, tries to n a il h i m dow n wit h a wor d . Q u eer, h e
do u b tless growls. B u t, si n ce t h is is after all t h e ye a r 1 9 6 2, eve n h e m a y b e ex pected to
a d d , I do n't give a d a m n w h a t h e does j u st a s lo ng a s h e st a ys a w a y fro m m e. E ve n
p syc h ologists d isagree as to t h e co n cl u sion s w h ic h m a y b e re ac h ed a bo u t t h e M r.
Str u n k s of t h is world , o n t h e b a sis of s u c h a re m a r k . T h e fa ct re m a i n s t h a t M r. Str u n k
h i m self, to j u dge fro m a p h otogra p h of h i m t a k e n i n foot b a ll u n ifor m a t college, u sed to
b e w h a t m a n y wo u l d c all a livi ng doll.
B u t M rs. S tr u n k , G eorge feels s u re, t a k es leave to d iffer ge n tly fro m h er h u sb a n d;
for s h e is tr a i n ed i n t h e n ew toler a n ce, t h e tec h n iq u e of a n n i h il a tio n b y b l a n d n ess. O u t
co m es h er p syc h ology boo k --b ell a n d ca n d le a re n o lo nger n ecess a ry. Re a d i ng fro m it i n
sweet si ngso ng s h e p roceeds to exorcise t h e u n sp e a k a b le o u t of G eorge. No re a so n for
d isg u st, s h e i n to n es, no c a u se for co n de m n a tio n . Not h i ng h ere t h a t is willf u lly vicio u s.
All is d u e to h ered ity, ea rly e n viro n m e n t (S h a m e o n t h ose possessive m ot h ers, t h ose sex -
segrega ted B ritis h sc h ools!), a r rested develop m e n t a t p u b erty, a n d / or gl a n d s. H ere we
h a ve a misfit, d eb a r red forever fro m t h e b est t h i ngs of life, to be pitied, n ot bl a m ed . So me
c a ses, ca u g h t yo u ng e n o u g h , m a y respo n d to t h er a p y. As for t h e rest --a h , it's so s a d ;
esp eci a lly w h e n it h a p p e n s, a s let's fa ce it it does, to tr u ly wort h w h ile p eop le, p eop le w h o
m ig h t h a ve h a d so m u c h to offer. ( E ve n w h e n t h ey a re ge n i u ses i n spite of it, t h eir
m a ster p ieces a re i n v a ri a b ly w a rp ed .) So let u s b e u n derst a n d i ng, s h a ll we, a n d
re m e m b er t h a t, after a ll, t h ere were t h e G ree k s (t h o u g h t h a t w a s a b it d iffere n t, b ec a u se
t h ey were p aga n s ra t h er t h a n n e u rotics). Let u s eve n go so fa r a s to s a y t h a t t h is k i n d of
rel a tio n s h i p ca n so m eti m es b e a l m ost b e a u tif u l--p a rtic u l a rly if o n e of t h e p a rties is
a lre a d y d e a d , or, b etter yet, bot h .
H ow d e a rly M rs. Str u n k wo u ld e n joy b ei ng s a d a bo u t J i m! B u t, a h a , s h e does n't
k n ow; n o n e of t h e m k n ows. It h a p p e n ed i n O h io, a n d t h e L. A. p a p ers di d n't ca r ry t h e
story. G eorge h a s si m p ly sp rea d it a ro u n d t h a t J i m's fol k s, w ho a re getti ng alo ng i n
ye a rs, h a ve b ee n tryi ng to pers u a de h i m to com e b ac k ho m e a n d live wit h t h e m ; a n d t h a t
n ow, a s t h e res u lt of h is rece n t visit to t h e m , h e will b e re m a i n i ng i n t h e E a st
i n d efi n itely. W h ic h is t h e gosp el tr u t h . As for t h e a n i m a ls, t h ose d evilis h re m i n ders,
G eorge h a d to get t h e m o u t of h is sig h t i m m ed i a tely; h e co u l d n't eve n b e a r to t h i n k of
t h e m b ei ng a n y w h ere i n t h e n eig h bor h ood. So, w h e n M rs. G a rfei n w a n ted to k n ow if h e
wo u l d sell t h e m y n a bir d , h e 'a n swered t h a t h e'd s h ip p ed t h e m a ll b a c k to J i m . A de a ler
fro m S a n D iego too k t h e m a w a y.
A n d n ow, i n reply to t h e q u estio n s of M rs. Str u n k a n d, t h e ot h ers, G eorge a n swers
t h a t, yes i n d eed , h e h a s j u st h e a r d fro m J i m a n d t h a t J i m is fi n e. T h ey a s k h i m less a n d
less ofte n . T h ey a re i n q u isitive b u t q u ite i n c u rio u s, rea lly.
B u t yo u r boo k is w ro ng, M rs. Str u n k , s a ys G eorge, w h e n it tells yo u t h a t J i m is
t h e s u b stit u te I fo u n d for a re al so n , a re al k i d b rot h er, a re al h u sb a n d , a re a l wife. J i m
w a s n't a s u b stit u te for a n y t h i ng. A n d t h ere is n o s u b stit u te for J i m , if yo u'll forgive m y
s a yi ng so, a n y w h ere.
Yo u r exorcis m h a s failed , d e a r M rs. Str u n k , s a ys G eorge, sq u a tti n g o n t h e toilet
a n d p eep i ng fort h fro m h is la ir to w a tc h h er e m p tyi ng t h e d u st b ag of h er v a c u u m
cle a n er i n to t h e tr a s h c a n . T h e u n sp e a k a b le is still h ere--rig h t i n yo u r very mi d st.
D A M N A TI O N . T h e p h o n e. E ve n wit h t h e lo ngest cor d t h e p h o n e co m p a n y will give yo u , it
wo n't re a c h i n to t h e b a t h roo m . G eorge gets h i m self off t h e sea t a n d s h u ffles i n to t h e
st u d y, li k e a m a n i n a sa c k r a ce.
" H ello. "
" H ello--is t h a t--it is yo u , G eo?"
" H ello, C h a rley. "
"I s a y, I di d n't c all too e a rly, d id I?"
" No. " (O h d ea r, s h e h a s m a n aged to get h i m ir rit a ted a lrea dy! Yet h ow c a n h e
re a so n a b ly b la m e h er for t h e d isco m fort of st a n d i ng n a stily u n wip ed, wit h h is p a n ts
a ro u n d h is a n k les? O n e m u st a d mit, t h o u g h , t h a t C h a rlotte h a s a positively cla irvoy a n t
k n a c k of pic k i ng t h e w ro ng m o m e n t to ca ll.)
"Yo u're s u re?"
" O f co u rse I'm s u re. I've a lrea dy h a d b re a k fa st. "
"I w a s afr a id if I w aited a n y lo nger yo u'd h a ve go n e off to t h e college.... M y
good n ess, I h a d n't n oticed it w a s so la te! O u gh t n't yo u to h a ve st a rted a lrea d y?"
" T h is is t h e d a y I h a ve o n ly o n e cl ass. It doesn't b egi n u n til eleve n -t h irty. M y e a rly
d a ys a re Mo n d a ys a n d Wed n esd a ys. " (All t h is is ex p l ai n ed i n a to n e of slig h tly
e m p h a sized p a tie n ce.)
" O h yes--yes, of co u rse! H ow st u p id of m e! I alw a ys forget. "
(A sile n ce. G eorge k n ows s h e w a n ts to a s k h i m so m et h i ng. B u t h e wo n't h elp h er.
H e is r u b b ed t h e w ro ng w a y b y h er b l u n d eri ngs. W h y does s h e i m p ly t h a t s h e o u g h t to
k n ow h is college sc h ed u le? J u st m ore of her possessive n ess. T h e n w h y, if s h e re a lly
t h i n k s w h o o ug h t to k n ow it, does s h e get it a ll m ix ed u p?)
" G eo--" (very h u m b ly) " wo u ld yo u possib ly be free to n ig h t?"
" Afr a i d n ot. No. " (O n e seco n d b efore sp e a k i ng h e co u l d n't h a ve told yo u w h a t h e
w a s goi ng to a n swer. It's t h e d esp era tio n i n C h a rlotte's voice t h a t d eci d es h e is n't i n t h e
m ood for o n e of h er crises.)
" O h --I see.... I w a s afr a id yo u wo u l d n't b e. It is s h ort n otice, I k n ow. " (S h e so u n d s
h a lf st u n n ed , very q u iet, h op eless. H e st a n d s t h ere liste n i ng for a Nob . No n e c a n b e
h e a r d . H is fa ce is p u c k ered i n to a , gri m a ce of g u ilt a n d d isco m fort--t h e l a tter c a u sed b y
h is i n cre a si ng a w a re n ess of stic k i n ess a n d tr u ssed a n k les.)
"I s u p pose yo u co u l d n't--I m e a n --I s u p pose it's so m et h i ng i m port a n t?"
"I'm afr a i d it is. " (T h e gri m a ce of g u ilt rel a x es. H e is m a d a t h er n ow. H e wo n't b e
n agged a t.)
"I see.... O h well, n ever m i n d. " (S h e's b ra ve, n ow.) "I'll try yo u aga i n , m a y I, i n a
few d a ys?"
" O f co u rse. " (O h --w h y n ot b e a little n icer, now s h e's b ee n p u t i n h er p l ace?) " O r
I'll ca ll yo u . "
(A p a u se.)
" Well--good b ye, G eo. "
" G ood b ye, C h a rley. "

TW E N TY m i n u tes l a ter, M rs. S tr u n k , o u t o n h er porc h w a teri ng t h e h i b isc u s b u s h es,

w a tc h es h i m b a c k h is c a r o u t across t h e b ri dge. (It is s aggi ng b a d ly n ow a d a ys. S h e
h op es h e will h ave it fix ed ; o n e of t h e c h ild ren m ig h t get h u r t.) As h e m a k es t h e h a lf-t u r n
o n to t h e street, s h e w a ves to h i m . H e w a ves to h er.
Poor m a n , s h e t h i n k s, livi ng t h ere a ll alo n e. H e h a s a k i n d fa ce.
IT is o n e of t h e m a rvels a n d b lessi ngs of t h e Los A ngeles freew a y syste m t h a t yo u c a n
n ow get fro m t h e b ea c h to S a n To m a s St a te C ollege i n fifty m i n u tes, give or t a k e five,
i n ste a d of t h e n e a rly two h o u rs yo u wo u l d h a ve spe n t, i n t h e slow old d a ys, cra wli ng
fro m stop lig h t to stop lig h t clea r across t h e dow n tow n a rea a n d o u t i n to t h e s u b u r b s
b eyo n d .
G eorge feels a k i n d of p a triotis m for t h e freew a ys. H e is p ro u d t h a t t h ey a re so
fa st, t h a t p eople get lost o n t h e m a n d eve n so m eti m es p a n ic a n d h a ve to bolt for s afety
dow n t h e n e a rest c u toff. G eorge loves t h e freew a ys bec a u se h e c a n still cop e wit h t h e m ;
b ec a u se t h e fa ct t h a t h e ca n cop e p roves h is cl ai m to b e a f u n ctio n i ng m e m b er of
society. H e c a n still get b y.
(Li k e everyo n e wit h a n a c u te cri mi n a l co m p lex, G eorge is h yp erco n scio u s of all
b yla ws, city or di n a n ces, r u les a n d p etty reg u l a tio n s. T h i n k of h ow m a n y P u b lic E n e m ies
h a ve b ee n c a u g h t j u st b ec a u se t h ey n eglected to p a y a p a r k i ng tic k et! N ever o n ce h a s h e
see n h is p a ssport st a m p ed a t a fro n tier, h is d river's lice n se a ccep ted by a post-office
cler k a s evi de n ce of id e n tity, wit h o u t w h isp eri ng gleef u lly to h i m self, Idiots--fooled t h e m
aga i n!)
H e will fool t h e m aga i n t h is m or n i ng, i n t h ere, i n t h e m i d st of t h e m a d
m etropolit a n c h a riot ra ce-- B e n H u r wo u l d cert a i n ly c h ic k e n o u t--joc k eyi ng fro m l a n e to
l a n e wit h t h e b est of t h e m , n ever d rop p i ng b elow eig h ty i n t h e fa st left l a n e, n ever getti ng
r a ttled w h e n a cr a zy tee n -ager h a ngs o n to h is t a il or a wo m a n (it a ll co m es of letti ng
t h e m go first t h ro u g h door w a ys) c u ts i n s h a r p ly a h ea d of h i m . T h e cop s o n t h eir
m otorcycles will detect n ot h i ng, yet, to w a r n t h e m to ro a r i n p u rs u it fl a s h i ng t h eir red
lig h ts, to sig n a l h i m off to t h e sid e, o u t of t h e r u n n i ng, a n d t h e n ce to escort h i m k i n d ly
b u t ever so fir m ly to so m e b e a u tif u lly ord ered n u rsery-co m m u n ity w h ere Se n ior C itize n s
("ol d , " i n o u r co u n try of t h e b l a n d , h a s b eco m e n e a rly a s d irty a wor d as " k i k e " or
" n igger ") a re e a sed i n to se n ility, ret a u g h t t h eir c h il d h ood ga m es b u t wit h a d iffere n ce: it's
k n ow n a s " p a ssive recrea tio n " n ow. O h , b y all m e a n s let t h e m screw, if t h ey c a n still c u t
t h e m u st a r d ; a n d , if t h ey c a n't, let t h e m i n d u lge wit h o u t i n h i b itio n s i n b a b y-li k e erotic
p l a y. Let t h e m get m a r ried , eve n --a t eig h ty, a t n i n ety, a t a h u n d red --w h o c a res?
A n y t h i ng to k eep t h e m b u sy a n d stop t h e m w a n d eri ng a ro u n d b loc k i ng t h e tr affic.

T H E R E'S a lw a ys a slig h tly u n ple a sa n t m o m e n t w h e n yo u d rive u p t h e r a m p w h ic h lea d s

o n to t h e freew a y a n d b eco m e w h a t's c a lled " m ergi ng tr affic. " G eorge h a s t h a t n erve-
cr a wli ng se n s a tio n w h ic h c a n't b e re moved by si m ply c h ec k i ng t h e re a rview m ir ror: t h a t,
i n ex p lic a b ly, i n visib ly, h e's a bo u t to b e h it i n t h e b a c k . A n d t h e n , n ex t m o m e n t, h e h a s
m erged a n d is a w a y, o u t i n t h e cle a r, cli m b i ng t h e lo ng, e a sy gr a d ie n t tow a r d t h e top of
t h e p a ss a n d t h e V a lley b eyo n d .
A n d n ow, a s h e d rives, it is a s if so m e k i n d of a u to- h y p nosis ex erts itself. We see
t h e fa ce rel a x , t h e s h o u l d ers u n h u n c h t h e m selves, t h e bod y e a se itself b a c k i n to t h e
se a t. T h e reflex es a re t a k i ng over; t h e left foot co m es dow n wit h fir m , eve n p ress u re o n
t h e cl u tc h p ed a l, w h ile t h e rig h t p r u d e n tly feed s i n ga s. T h e left h a n d is lig h t o n t h e
w h eel; t h e rig h t slip s t h e gea rs h ift wit h p recisio n i n to h ig h . T h e eyes, movi ng
u n h u r ried ly fro m ro a d to m ir ror, m ir ror to ro a d, c a l m ly m e a s u re t h e d ist a n ces a h e a d ,
b e h i n d , to t h e n e a rest c a r.... After a ll, t h is is n o m a d c h a riot r a ce--t h a t's o n ly h ow it
see m s to o n loo k ers or n ervo u s n ovices--it is a river, sweep i ng i n f u ll flood tow a r d its
o u tlet wit h a soot h i ng power. T h ere is n ot h i ng to fe a r, a s lo ng a s yo u let yo u rself go wit h
it; i n d eed , yo u d iscover, i n t h e m id st of its stre a m -sp eed , a se n se of i n dole n ce a n d ea se.
A n d n ow so m et h i ng n ew st a rts h a p p e n i ng to G eorge. T h e fa ce is b eco m i ng te n se
aga i n , t h e m u scles b u lge slig h tly a t t h e j a w, t h e m o u t h tig h te n s a n d twitc h es, t h e li p s
a re p ressed toget h er i n a gri m li n e, t h ere is a n ervo u s co n tr a ctio n b etwee n t h e eyeb rows.
A n d yet, w h ile all t h is is goi ng o n, t h e rest of t h e bod y re m a i n s i n a post u re of p erfect
rel a x a tio n . More a n d m ore it a p p e a rs to sep a r a te itself, to beco m e a sep a r a te e n tity: a n
i m p a ssive a n o n y m o u s c h a u ffe u r-fig u re wit h little will or i n d ivi d u a lity of its ow n , t h e very
e m bod i m e n t of m u sc u l a r co-ord i n a tio n , l a c k of a n x iety, t a ctf u l sile n ce, d rivi ng its m a ster
to wor k .
A n d G eorge, li k e a m a ster w h o h a s e n tr u sted t h e d rivi ng of h is ca r to a serva n t, is
n ow free to d irect h is a tte n tio n post u re elsew h ere. As t h ey sweep over t h e crest of t h e
p a ss, h e is b eco m i ng less a n d less a w a re of ex ter n a ls--t h e c a rs a ll a ro u n d , t h e d ip of t h e
freew a y a h e a d , t h e V a lley wit h its h o m es a n d ga rd e n s op e n i ng b elow, u n d er a lo ng
b row n s m ea r of s mog, b eyo n d a n d a bove w h ic h t h e b ig b a r re n m o u n t a i n s rise. H e h as
go n e deep dow n i n sid e h i m self.
W h a t is h e u p to?
O n t h e edge of t h e b e a c h , a h u ge, i n sole n t h ig h -rise b u il di ng w h ic h will co n t a i n
o n e h u n d red a p a rt m e n ts is growi ng u p wit h i n its gir d ers; it will b loc k t h e view a lo ng t h e
co a st fro m t h e p a r k o n t h e cliffs a bove. A spo k es m a n for t h is p roject s a ys, i n a n swer to
ob jectio n s, Well, t h a t's p rogress. A n d a n y h ow, h e i m p lies, if t h ere a re p eople w h o a re
p rep a red to p a y $ 4 5 0 a m o n t h for t h is view b y re n ti ng o u r a p a rt m e n ts, w h y s h o u l d yo u
p a r k - u sers (a n d t h a t i n cl u d es G eorge) get it for free?
A loc a l n ewsp a p er editor h a s st a rted a ca m p aig n aga i n st sex d evia tes (b y w h ic h h e
m e a n s people li k e G eorge). T h ey a re everyw h ere, h e s a ys; yo u c a n't go i n to a b a r a n y
m ore, or a m e n's roo m , or a p u blic lib r a ry, wit h o u t seei ng h i d eo u s sig h ts. A n d t h ey a ll,
wit h o u t ex cep tio n , h a ve sy p h ilis. T h e ex isti ng l a ws aga i n st t h e m , h e s a ys, a re fa r too
le n ie n t.
A se n a tor h a s rece n tly m a de a sp eec h , decl a ri ng t h a t we s h o u l d a tt a c k C u b a rig h t
n ow, wit h every t h i ng we've got, lest t h e Mo n roe D octri n e be h el d c h e a p a n d of n o
a cco u n t. T h e se n a tor does n ot d e n y t h a t t h is will p rob a bly m e a n roc k et w a r. We m u st
fa ce t h is fact; t h e a lter n a tive is d is h o n or. We m u st b e p rep a red to s acrifice t h ree
q u a rters of o u r pop u l a tio n (i n cl u di ng G eorge).
It wo u ld b e a m u si ng, G eorge t h i n k s, to s ne a k i n to t h a t a p a rt m e n t b u ild i ng a t
n ig h t, j u st b efore t h e te n a n ts m oved i n , a n d sp r a y all t h e w a lls of all t h e roo m s wit h a
sp ecia lly p rep a red odora n t w h ic h wo u ld b e sc a rcely n otice a b le a t first b u t w h ic h wo u ld
gr a d u ally grow i n stre ngt h u n til it ree k ed li k e rotti ng cor p ses. T h ey wo u l d try to get ri d of
it wit h every d eodora n t k n ow n to scie n ce, b u t i n v a i n ; a n d w h e n t h ey h a d fi n a lly, i n
d esp er a tio n , ri p p ed o u t t h e p l aster a n d wood wor k , t h ey wo u l d fi n d t h a t t h e gird ers
t h e m selves were sti n k i ng. T h ey wo u l d a b a n do n t h e p l a ce a s t h e K h m ers d id A ng k or; b u t
its sti n k wo u ld grow a n d grow u n til yo u co u ld m elt it cle a r u p t h e coa st to M a lib u . So a t
l a st t h e e n tire str u ct u re wo u l d h a ve to b e ta k e n a p a rt b y wor k er s i n ga s m a s k s a n d
gro u n d to powd er a n d d u m p ed fa r o u t i n t h e oce a n .... O r p er h a p s it wo u ld b e m ore
p r a ctic al to d iscover a k i n d of vir u s w h ic h wo u l d e a t a w a y w h a tever it is t h a t m a k es
m et a l h a r d . T h e a d v a n t age t h a t t h is wo u l d h a ve over t h e odor a n t wo u l d b e t h a t o n ly a
si ngle i n jectio n i n o n e spot wo u l d b e n ecess a ry, for t h e vir u s wo u l d t h e n e a t t h ro u g h a ll
t h e m et a l i n t h e b u il di ng. A n d t h e n , w h e n everybody h a d m oved i n a n d w h ile a b ig
h o u sew a r m i ng p a rty w a s i n p rogress, t h e w h ole t h i ng wo u l d s ag a n d s u b si d e i n to a li m p
t a ngled h ea p, li k e sp ag h etti.
T h e n , t h a t n ewsp a p er ed itor, G eorge t h i n k s, h ow f u n n y to k i d n a p h i m a n d t h e
st aff-w riters respo n sib le for t h e sex -d evi a te a rticles--a n d m a yb e also t h e police c h ief, a n d
t h e h e a d of t h e vice sq u a d, a n d t h ose m i n isters w h o e n dorsed t h e c a m p a ig n fro m t h eir
p u l pits--a n d t a k e t h e m a ll to a secret u n dergro u n d m ovie st u d io w h ere, after a little
p ers u a sio n -- n o do u b t j u st s h owi ng t h e m t h e red - h ot po k ers a n d p i n cers wo u l d b e q u ite
s u fficie n t--t h ey wo u l d p erfor m every possi ble sex u a l a ct, i n p a irs a n d i n gro u ps, wit h a
d isp l a y of t h e u t m ost e n joy m e n t. T h e fil m wo u l d t h e n b e d evelop ed a n d p ri n ts of it wo u ld
b e r u s h ed to a ll t h e m ovie t h e a ters. G eorge's a ssist a n ts wo u l d c h lorofor m t h e u s h ers so
t h e lig h ts co u l d n't b e t u r n ed u p , loc k t h e ex its, over power t h e p rojectio n ists, a n d
p roceed to r u n t h e fil m u n der t h e h e a di ng of C o m i ng A ttr a ctio n s.
A n d a s for t h a t se n a tor, wo u l d n't it b e r a t h er a m u si ng to… No.
 (A t t h is poi n t, we see t h e eyeb rows co n tr a c t i n a m ore t h a n u s u ally viole n t sp a s m ,
t h e m o u t h t h i n to k n ife-b la d e gri m n ess.)
No. A m u si ng is n ot t h e wor d . T h ese p eop le a re n ot a m u si ng. T h ey s h o u l d n ever b e
d e a lt wit h a m u si ngly. T h ey u n d erst a n d o n ly o n e l a ng u age: b r u te force.
T h erefore we m u st l a u n c h a c a m p a ig n of syste m a tic ter ror. I n or d er to b e effective,
t h is will req u ire a n orga n iza tio n of a t le ast five h u n d red h ig h ly s k illed k illers a n d
tort u rers, a ll ded ic a ted i n d ivi d u a ls. T h e h e a d of t h e orga n iza tio n will d ra w u p a list of
cle a rly d efi n ed, si m ple ob jectives, s u c h as t h e re m ov a l of t h a t a p a rt m e n t b u ild i ng, t h e
s u p p ressio n of t h a t n ewsp a p er, t h e retire m e n t of t h a t se n a tor. T h ey will t h e n b e d ea lt
wit h i n or d er, rega rd less of t h e ti m e t a k e n or t h e n u m b er of ca s u a lties. I n e a c h c a se, t h e
p ri n ci p a l cri m i n a l will first receive a polite n ote, sig n ed " U n cle G eorge, " ex p la i n i ng
ex a ctly w h a t h e m u st do b efore a cert a i n d e a d li n e if h e w a n ts to st a y alive. It will a lso b e
ex p la i n ed to h i m t h a t U n cle G eorge oper a tes o n t h e t h eory of g u ilt b y a ssoci a tio n.
O n e m i n u te after t h e d e a d li n e, t h e k illi ng will b egi n . T h e ex ec u tio n of t h e p ri n cip a l
cri m i n a l will be d ela yed for so m e wee k s or mo n t h s, to give h i m op port u n ity for reflectio n .
M e a n w h ile, t h ere will b e d a ily re m i n d ers. H is wife m a y b e k id n a p p ed , ga r roted ,
e m b a l m ed a n d sea ted i n t h e 'livi ng roo m to a w a it h is ret u r n fro m t h e office. H is
c h il d re n's h e a d s m a y a r rive i n ca rto n s by m ail, or t a p es of t h e screa m s h is rel a tives u tter
a s t h ey a re tort u red to d e a t h . H is frie n d s' h om es m a y b e blow n u p i n t h e n ig h t. A n yo n e
w h o h a s ever k n ow n h i m will be i n m ort al d a nger.
W h e n t h e orga n iz a tio n's 1 0 0 p er ce n t efficie n cy h a s bee n d e mo n str a ted a
s u fficie n t n u m b er of ti m es, t h e pop u l a tio n will slowly b egi n to le a r n t h a t U n cle G eorge's
will m u st b e ob eyed i n st a n tly a n d wit h o u t q u estio n .
B u t does U n cle G eorge w a n t to b e ob eyed? D oes n't h e p refer to b e defied so h e ca n
go o n k illi ng a n d k illi ng, si n ce all t h ese p eop le a re j u st ver m i n a n d t h e m ore of t h e m t h a t
d ie t h e b etter? All a re, i n t h e l a st a n a lysis, respo n sib le for J i m's d e a t h ; t h eir wor ds, t h eir
t h o u g h ts, t h eir w h ole w a y of life willed it, eve n t h o u g h t h ey n ever k n ew h e ex isted . B u t,
w h e n G eorge gets i n a s d eep a s t h is, J i m h a r d ly m a tters a n y m ore. J i m is n ot h i ng n ow
b u t a n ex c u se for h a ti ng t h ree q u a rters of t h e pop u la tio n of A m eric a... G eorge's j a ws
wor k , h is teet h gri n d , a s h e c h ews a n d c h ews t h e c u d of h is h a te.
B u t does G eorge re a lly h a te a ll t h ese p eop le? A re n't 't h ey t h e m selves m erely a n
ex c u se for h a ti ng? W h a t is ( G eorge's h a te, t h e n? A sti m u l a n t, n ot h i ng m ore; t h o u g h very
b a d for h i m , n o do u b t. R age, rese n t m e n t, splee n --of s u c h is t h e vit a lity of m i d d le age. If
we s a y t h a t h e I.; q u ite cr a zy a t t h is p a rtic u l a r m o m e n t, t h e n so, p rob a b ly, a re a t le a st
h a lf a doze n ot h ers i n t h ese m a n y c u rs a ro u n d h i m , a ll slowi ng n ow a s t h e tr affic
t h ic k e n s, goi ng dow n h ill, u n d er t h e b ri dge, u p aga i n p a st t h e U n io n D epot.... G od! H ere
we a re, dow n tow n a lrea d y! G eorge co m es u p d a zed to t h e s u rfa ce, re a lizi ng wit h a s h oc k
t h a t t h e c h a u ffe u r-fig u re h a s b ro k e n a record : n ever b efore h a s it m a n aged to get t h e m
t h is fa r e n tirely o n its ow n . A n d t h is r a ises a d ist u r b i ng q u estio n : Is t h e c h a u ffe u r
ste a d ily b eco m i ng m ore a n d more of a n i n d ivi d u a l? Is it getti ng rea d y to t a k e over m u c h
l a rger a re a s of G eorge's life?
No ti m e to wor ry a bo u t t h a t n ow. I n te n m i n u tes t h ey will h a ve a r rived o n
c a m p u s. I n te n m i n u tes, G eorge will h ave to b e G eorge--t h e G eorge t h ey h a ve n a m ed a n d
will recog n ize. So now h e co n scio u sly a p p lies h i m self to t h i n k i ng t h eir t h o u g h ts, getti ng
i n to t h eir m ood . Wit h t h e s k ill of a veter a n h e r a p i dly p u ts o n t h e p syc h ologic al m a k e- u p
for t h is role h e m u st p l a y.
No soo n er h a ve yo u t u r n ed off t h e freew a y on to S a n To m a s Ave n u e t h a n yo u a re
b a c k i n t h e t ac k y sleep y slow po k e Los A ngeles of t h e t h irties, still co n va lesce n t fro m t h e
D e p ressio n , wit h n o m o n ey to sp a re for fres h co a ts of p a i n t. A n d how c h a r m i ng it is! A n
u p -a n d -dow n ter r a i n of steep little h ills with w h ite h o u ses of cr a c k ed st u cco p erc h ed
i n sec u rely o n t h eir sid es a n d top s, it is m a d e to loo k q u ai n t r a t h er t h a n u gly b y t h e m a d ,
h op elessly i n tertwisted c a t's cr a d le of wires a n d telep h o n e poles. M ex ica n s live h ere, so
t h ere a re lots of flowers. N egroes live h ere, so it is c h eerf u l. G eorge wo u ld n ot ca re to live
h ere, b eca u se t h ey a ll b la st a ll d a y lo ng wit h t h eir r a d ios a n d televisio n sets. B u t h e
wo u l d n ever fi n d h i m self yelli ng a t t h eir c h il d re n , b ec a u se t h ese p eop le a re n ot T h e
E n e m y. If t h ey wo u ld ever a ccep t G eorge, t h ey m ig h t eve n be a llies. T h ey n ever fig u re i n
t h e U n cle G eorge fa n t a sies.
T h e S a n To m a s St a te C ollege c a m p u s is b a c k o n t h e ot h er si d e of t h e freew a y. Yo u
cross over to it b y a b ridge, b a c k i n to t h e n ow a d a ys of d estr u ctio n -reco n -str u ctio n -
d estr u ctio n . H ere t h e little h ills h a ve b ee n tr u c k ed a w a y bod ily or h a d t h eir top s sliced
off b y b u lldozers, a n d t h e la n d sca p e is ga s h ed wit h r a w ter r a ces. Tr a ct u po n tr a ct of low-
roofed dor m itory-d welli ngs (i n va ri a b ly c alled " h o m es " a n d d escrib ed as " a n ew co n cep t i n
livi ng") a re b ei ng op e n ed u p as fa st as t h ey c a n b e co n n ected wit h t h e sewers a n d t h e
power li n es. It is a sl a n d er to sa y t h a t t h ey a re id e n tic a l; so m e h a ve b row n roofs, so m e
gree n , a n d t h e tiles i n t h eir b a t h roo m s co m e i n sever a l d iffere n t colors. T h e tr a cts h a ve
t h eir i n d ivid u a lity, too. E a c h o n e h a s a d iffere n t n a m e, of t h e k i n d t h a t re a ltors ca n
a lw a ys b e relied o n to i n ve n t: S k y Acres, V ista G r a n d e, G rosve n or H eig h ts.
T h e stor m ce n ter of a ll t h is gr a d i ng, s h oveli ng, h a u li ng a n d h a m m eri ng is t h e
college c a m p u s itself. A cle a n m od er n fa ctory, b ric k a n d gl ass a n d b ig wi n dows, a lre a d y
t h ree-q u a rters b u ilt, is b ei ng fi n is h ed i n a h ysteric a l h u r ry. (T h e co n str u ctio n n oises a re
s u c h d i n t i n so m e cl a ssroo m s t h e p rofessors c a n h a r dly b e h e a rd .) W h e n t h e fa ctory is
f u lly op er a tio n a l, it will h e a b le to p rocess twe n ty t h o u s a n d gr a d u a tes. B u t, i n less t h a n
te n ye a rs, it will h ave to cop e wit h forty or fifty t h o u s a n d . So t h e n every t h i ng will b e tor n
dow n agai n a n d b u ilt u p twice a s t a ll.
H owever, it is a rg u a ble t h a t by t h a t ti m e th e c a m p u s will b e c u t off fro m t h e
o u tsi d e world b y its ow n L a r k i ng lots, w h ich will t h e n for m a n i m p e n etr a b le forest of
c a rs a b a n do n ed i n d esp air by t h e st u d e n ts d u ri ng t h e wee k -lo ng tr affic j a m s of t h e n e a r
f u t u re. E ve n n ow, t h e lots a re h a lf a s b ig a s t h e c a m p u s itself a n d so f u ll t h a t yo u h a ve
to d rive a ro u n d fro m o n e to a n ot h er i n sea rc h of a la st little sp a ce. Tod a y G eorge k
l u c k y. T h ere is roo m for h i m o n t h e lot n e a rest h is cla ssroo m. G eorge slip s h is p a r k i ng
c a r d i n to t h e slot (t h ereby offeri ng a p iece of circ u m st a n ti a l evi de n ce t h a t h e is G eorge);
t h e b a r rier rises i n sp a stic, mec h a n ica l jer k s, a n d h e d rives i n.
G eorge h a s b ee n tryi ng to tr a i n h i m self, l a tely, to recog n ize h is st u d e n ts' c a rs. (H e
is co n ti n u a lly st a rti ng t h ese self-i m p rove m en t p rojects: so m eti m es it's m e m ory tr a i n i ng,
so m eti m es a n ew diet, so m eti m es j u st a vow to rea d so m e u n re a d a b le H u n d red t h B est
B oo k . Ile seldo m p erseveres i n a n y of t h e m for lo ng.) Tod a y fie is ple a sed to b e a ble to
spot t h ree c a rs-- n ot co u n ti ng t h e a u to scooter w h ic h t h e It a lia n exc h a nge st u d e n t, wit h
a co u r age or p rovi n ci a lis m bor deri ng o n i n s a n ity, ri d es u p a n d dow n t h e freew a y a s
t h o u g h h e were o n flit V i a V e n eto. T h er e's t h e b e a t- u p , n ot-so-w h ite F or d co u p e
b elo ngi ng to To m K u gel m a n , o n t h e b a c k of w h ic h h e h a s p ri n ted n ow W H IT E . T h ere's
t h e C h i n ese-I H a w a iia n boy's gri m e-gr a y Pon ti a c, wit h o n e of t h ose jo k e-stic k ers i n t h e
re a r wi n dow: T H E O N LY IS M I B E LI E V E I N IS A B S TR A C T E X PR E S SI O NIS M . T h e jo k e
is n't a jo k e i n h is p a rtic u l a r ca se, b ec a u se h e re a lly is a n a b str a ct p a i n ter. (O r is t h is
so m e s u p ers u b tlety?) A t a ll eve n ts, it see m s i n co ngr u o u s t h a t a n yo n e wit h s u c h a sweet
C h es h ire-c a t s m ile a n d cre a m -s m oot h s k i n a n d c a t-clea n n e a t n ess co u ld p rod u ce s u c h
gloo m y m u d dy c a n v ases or ow n s u c h a filt h y c a r. H e h a s t h e b ea u tif u l n a m e of
Alex a n der Mo ng. A n d t h ere's t h e well-w a xed , spotless sc a rlet M G d rive n b y B u d d y
Sore n se n , t h e wil d w a tery-eyed a lb i n o w h o is a b a s k et b a ll st a r a n d we a rs a " B a n t h e
B o m b " b u tto n . G eorge h a s c a u g h t gli m p ses of B u d d y stre a k i ng p a st o n t h e freew a y,
l a u g h i ng to h i m self a s if t h e a b s u r d little sitz b a t h of a t h i ng h a d r u n a w a y wit h h i m a n d
h e d id n't c a re.
So n ow G eorge h a s a r rived. H e is n ot n ervo u s i n t h e le a st. As h e gets o u t of h is
c a r, h e feels a n u p s u rge of e n ergy, of e ager n ess for t h e pl a y to b egi n . A n d h e w al k s
e agerly, wit h a sp ri ngy step, a lo ng t h e gr a vel p a t h p a st t h e M u sic B u il d i ng tow a rd t h e
D ep a rt m e n t office. H e is a ll a ctor n ow --a n a ctor o n h is w a y u p fro m t h e d ressi ng roo m,
h a ste n i ng t h ro u g h t h e b a c k st age worl d of p rop s a n d la m p s a n d st age h a n d s to m a k e h is
e n tr a n ce. A veter a n , c a l m a n d a ss u red , h e p a u ses for a well- m e as u red mo m e n t i n t h e
door w a y of t h e office a n d t h e n , bol dly, cle a rly, wit h t h e s u b tly m od u l a ted B ritis h
i n to n a tio n w h ic h h is p u blic d e m a n d s of h i m, sp e a k s h is op e n i ng li n e: " G ood m or n i ng!"
A n d t h e t h ree secret a ries--e a c h o n e of t h e m a c h a r m i ng a n d a cco m p lis h ed a ctress
i n h er ow n c h ose n style--recog n ize h i m i n st a n tly, wit h o u t eve n a flic k er of do u b t, a n d
rep ly " G ood mor n i ng!" to h i m . (T h ere is so m et h i ng religio u s h ere, li k e respo n ses i n
c h u rc h --a re affir m a tio n of fait h i n t h e b a sic A m eric a n dog m a t h a t it is, a lw a ys, a good
m or n i ng. G ood , d esp ite t h e R u ssi a n s a n d t h eir roc k ets, a n d a ll t h e ills a n d wor ries of t h e
fles h . F or of co u rse we k n ow, do n't we, t h a t t h e R u ssi a n s a n d t h e wor ries a re n ot re a lly
re a l? T h ey c a n b e u n -t h o u g h t a n d m a d e to v a n is h . A n d t h erefore t h e m or n i ng c a n b e
m a d e to b e good. V ery well t h e n , it is good.)
E very te a c h er i n t h e E nglis h D ep a rt m e n t h a s h is or h er p igeo n h ole i n t h is office,
a n d a ll of t h e m a re st u ffed wit h p a p ers. W h a t a m a n i a for co m m u n ica tio n! A n otice t h e
le a st i m port a n t co m m ittee m eeti ng o n t h e m ost of s u b jects will b e r u n off a n d
d istri b u ted i n h u n d reds of cop ies. E very body is i nfor m ed of every -t h i ng. G eorge gl a n ces
t h ro u g h a ll h is p a p ers a n d t h e n tosses t h e lot i n to t h e w a steb a s k et, wit h o n e ex cep tio n :
a n oblo ng c a r d slotte d a n d slitted a n d cip hered b y a n I B M m a c h i n e, ex p ressi ng so m e
poor b ast a r d of a st u de n t's a c a d e m ic id e n tity. I n d eed , t h is c a r d is h is id e n tity. S u p pose,
i n ste a d of sig n i ng it a s req u ested a n d ret u r n i ng it to t h e Perso n n el office, G eorge were to
te a r it u p? I n st a n tly, t h a t st u d e n t wo u ld cease to ex ist, a s fa r a s S a n To m a s St a te w a s
co n cer n ed . H e wo u l d b eco m e ac a d e m ica lly i n visi b le a n d o n ly re a p pe a r wit h t h e very
gre a test d iffic u lty, after perfor m i ng t h e m ost el a bor a te p rop itia tio n cere m o n ies: co u n tless
offeri ngs of for m s filled o u t i n trip lica te a n d not a rized affi d a vits to t h e pod s of t h e I B M .
G eorge sig n s t h e c a r d, h ol d i ng it ste a d y with two fi ngerti p s. H e disli k es eve n to
to u c h t h ese t h i ngs, for t h ey a re t h e r u n es of a n i d iotic b u t n evert h eless pote n t a n d evil
m agic: t h e m agic of t h e t h i n k - m a c h i n e gods, w h ose c u lt h as o n e dog m a , We ca n n ot
m a k e a m ist a k e. T h eir m agic co n sists i n t h is: t h a t w h e n ever t h ey do m a k e a mist a k e,
w h ic h is q u ite ofte n , it is p er p et u a ted a n d t h ereb y b eco m es a n o n - m ist a k e.... C a r ryi ng
t h e c u r d b y its ex tre m e cor n er, G eorge b ri ngs it over to o n e of t h e secret a ries, w h o will
see t h a t it gets b a c k to Perso n n el. T h e secret a ry h a s a n a il file o n h er d es k . G eorge p ic k s
it u p , s a yi ng, " Let's see if t h a t old robot'll k now t h e d iffere n ce, " a n d p rete n d s to b e a bo u t
to p u n c h a n ot h er slit i n t h e c a rd . T h e girl l a u g h s, b u t o n ly a sp lit-seco n d loo k of s h eer
ter ror; a n d t h e l a u g h itself is forced. G eorge h a s u ttered bl a sp h e m y.
F eeli ng r a t h er ple a sed wit h h i m self, h e le a ves t h e D ep a rt m e n t b u il di ng, h ea d ed for
t h e c afeteri a.
H e st a rts a cross t h e l a rgis h op e n sp a ce w h ic h is t h e m id st of t h e ca m p u s,
s u r ro u n d ed b y t h e A rt B u ild i ng, t h e gy m n a si u m , t h e Scie n ce B u il di ng a n d t h e
A d m i n istr a tio n B u ild i ng, a n d n ewly p la n ted wit h gr ass a n d so me h opef u l little trees
w h ic h s h o u l d m a k e it le afy a n d s h a dowy a n d p lea s a n t wit h i n a few ye a rs; t h a t is to s a y,
a bo u t t h e ti m e w h e n t h ey st a rt te a ri ng t h e w h ole p l ace a p a rt aga i n . T h e a ir h a s a t a ng of
s m og--c a lled "eye ir rit a tio n " i n b l a n d ese. T h e m o u n t a i n s of t h e S a n G a b riel R a nge--
w h ic h still give S a n To m a s St a te so m et h i ng of t h e gl a mo u r of a college h ig h o n a p l a te a u
of t h e A n d es, o n t h e few d a ys yo u c a n see t h e m p rop erly--a re h id d e n tod a y a s u s u al i n
t h e sic k yellow f u m es w h ic h a rise fro m t h e m etropolit a n mess b elow.
A n d n ow, a ll a ro u n d G eorge, a p p roa c h i ng h i m , crossi ng h is p a t h fro m every
d irectio n , is t h e m a le a n d fe m a le r a w m a teria l w h ic h is fed d a ily i n to t h is fa ctory, a lo ng
t h e co n veyer b elts of t h e freew a ys, to b e p rocessed, p a c k aged a n d p l a ced o n t h e m a r k et:
N egroes, M ex ic a n s, J ews, J a p a n ese, C h i n ese, L a ti n s, Sla vs, Nor d ics, t h e d a r k h e a ds fa r
p redo m i n a ti ng over t h e b lo n d . H u r ryi ng i n p u rs u it of t h eir sc h ed u les, loiteri ng i n flirty
t a l k , strolli ng i n e a r n est a rg u m e n t, m u tteri n g so m e lesso n to t h e m selves a lo n e--a ll boo k -
b u r d e n ed , a ll h a r a ssed .
W h a t do t h ey t h i n k t h ey're u p to, h ere? Well, t h ere is t h e offici a l a n swer:
p rep a ri ng t h e m selves for life, w h ic h m e a n s a job a n d sec u rity i n w h ic h to r a ise c h il d re n
to p rep a re t h e m selves for life w h ic h m ea n s a job a n d sec u rity i n w h ic h . B u t, d esp ite a ll
t h e voc a tio n al a d visers, t h e p a m p h lets poi n ti ng o u t to t h e m w h a t good m o n ey yo u c a n
e a r n if yo u i n vest i n so m e solid tec h n ic a l tr a i n i ng--p h a r m a cology, let's s a y, or
a cco u n t a n cy, or t h e v a ried op port u n ities offered b y t h e v a st field of electro n ics--t h ere a re
still, i n cred ib ly e n o u g h , q u ite a few of t h e m w h o p ersist i n w riti ng poe m s, n ovels, p la ys!
G oofy fro m l a c k of sleep, t h ey scrib ble i n s n a tc h ed m o m e n ts betwee n cla sses, p a rt-ti m e
e m p loy m e n t a n d t h eir m a r ried lives. T h eir b r a i n s a re d izzy wit h wor d s a s t h ey m op o u t
a n op era ti ng roo m , sort m a il a t a post office, fix b a by's bottle, fry h a m b u rgers. A n d
so m ew h ere, i n t h e m i d st of t h eir servit u d e to t h e m u s t-b e, t h e m a d m ig h t-b e w h isp ers to
t h e m to live, k n ow, ex p erie n ce--w h a t? M a rvels! T h e Se a so n i n H ell, t h e J o u r n ey to t h e
E n d of t h e N ig h t, t h e Seve n Pilla rs of Wisdom , t h e C le a r Lig h t of t h e Void .... Will a n y of
t h e m m a k e it? O h , s u re. O n e, a t le a st. Tw o or t h ree a t m ost--i n a ll t h ese se a rc h i ng
t h o u s a n d s.
H ere, i n t h eir m i d st, G eorge feels a sort of vertigo. O h G od , w h a t will beco m e of
t h e m a ll? W h a t c h a n ce h a ve t h ey? O ug h t I to yell o u t to t h e m , rig h t n ow, h ere, t h a t it's
h op eless?
B u t G eorge k n ows h e c a n't do t h a t. B eca u se, a b s u rd ly, i n a deq u a tely, i n spite of
h i m self, a l most, h e is a rep rese n t a tive of t h e h op e. A n d t h e h op e is n ot fa lse. No. It's j u st
t h a t G eorge is li k e a m a n tryi ng to sell a re a l d ia m o n d for a n ic k el, o n t h e street. T h e
d i a mo n d is p rotected fro m a ll b u t t h e ti n iest few, b eca u se t h e gre a t h u r ryi ng m a jority
c a n n ever stop to d a re to b elieve t h a t it co u l d co n ceiva bly b e rea l.
O u tsi d e t h e cafeteri a a re a n n o u n ce m e n ts of t h e c u r re n t st u d e n t a ctivities:
Sq u a ws' N ig h t, G ol d e n F leece Pic n ic, F ogc u tters' B a ll, C ivic Society M eeti ng a n d t h e b ig
ga m e aga i n st LPS C . T h ese a d vertised rit u a ls of t h e S a n To m a s Tri b e a re n't q u ite
co n vi n ci ng; t h ey a re p ro moted o n ly b y a m i nority of e ager b e a vers. T h e rest of t h ese boys
a n d girls do n ot re a lly t h i n k of t h e m selves a s a tri b e, a lt h o u g h t h ey a re willi ng to p rete n d
t h a t t h ey do o n sp eci a l occ a sio n s. All t h a t t h ey a ct u a lly h a ve i n co m m o n is t h eir
u rge n cy: t h e n eed to get wit h it, to fi n is h t h a t a ssig n m e n t w h ic h s h o u ld h ave b ee n
h a n d ed i n t h ree d a ys ago. W h e n G eorge eavesd rop s o n t h eir co n vers a tio n , it is n e a rly
a lw a ys a bo u t w h a t t h ey h a ve fa iled to do, w h a t t h ey fe a r t h e p rofessor will m a k e t h e m
do, w h a t t h ey h a ve ris k ed n ot doi ng a n d gotte n a w a y wit h .
T h e c afeteri a is cr a m m ed . G eorge st a n d s a t th e door, loo k i ng a ro u n d . Now t h a t h e
is a p u b lic u tility, t h e p rop erty of S TS C , h e i s i m p a tie n t to b e u sed . H e h a tes to see eve n
o n e m i n u te of h i m self b ei ng w a sted . H e st a rts to w a l k a m o ng t h e t a bles wit h a te n t a tive
s m ile, a forty-w a tt s m ile re a d y to b e switc h ed u p to a h u n d red a n d fifty w a tts j u st a s
soo n as a n yo n e a s k s for it.
Now, to h is relief, h e sees R u ss D reyer, a n d D reyer rises fro m h is t a b le to greet
h i m . H e h a s n o do u b t b ee n o n t h e loo k o u t for G eorge. D reyer h as gra d u ally b eco m e
G eorge's p erso n a l a tte n d a n t, ex ec u tive officer, bod yg u a r d. H e is a n a ng u l a r, t h i n -fa ced
yo u ng m a n wit h a fl a t-top h a irc u t a n d ri mless gl a sses. H e we a rs a so mew h a t sporty
H a w aii a n s h irt w h ic h , o n h i m, see m s li k e a p ri m s h y co n cessio n to t h e sporti n ess of t h e
clot h es a ro u n d h i m . H is u n d ers h irt, a p p e a ri ng i n t h e op e n V of h is u n b u tto n ed coll a r,
loo k s s u rgic a lly cle a n , a s a lw a ys. D reyer is a gr a d e A sc h ola r, a n d h is E u rop e a n
co u n ter p a rt wo u l d p rob a b ly b e a r a t h er d ry a n d b rittle stic k . B u t D reyer is n eit h er d ry
n or b rittle. H e h a s d iscreet h u m or a n d , a s a n ex-M a ri n e, co n sid er a b le to u g h n ess. H e
o n ce d escrib ed to G eorge a ty p ic a l eve n i ng h e a n d h is wife, M a ri n ette, sp e n t wit h h is
b u d d y To m K u gel m a n a n d To m's wife. " To m a n d I got i n to a n a rg u m e n t a bo u t F i n n ega n s
W a k e. It we n t o n a ll t h ro u g h s u p p er. So t h e n t h e girls s a i d t h ey were sic k of liste n i ng to
u s, so t h ey we n t o u t to a m ovie. To m a n d I d id t h e d is h es a n d it got to b e te n o'cloc k a n d
we were still a rg u i ng a n d we h a d n't co n vi n ced e a c h ot h er. So we got so m e b eer o u t of t h e
icebox a n d we n t o u t i n t h e y a r d . To m's b u ildi ng a s h ed t h ere, b u t h e h a s n't got t h e roof
o n yet. So t h e n h e c h a lle nged m e to a ch i n n i ng m a tc h , a n d we st a rted c h i n n i ng
o u rselves o n t h e crossb ea m over t h e door, a n d I w h ip p ed h i m t h irtee n to eleve n . "
G eorge is c h a r m ed b y t h is story. So m e h ow, it's li k e cla ssic a l G reece.
" G ood m or n i ng, R u ss. "
 " G ood mor n i ng, sir. " It is n't t h e age differen ce w h ic h m a k es D reyer ca ll G eorge
"sir. " As soo n a s t h ey co m e to t h e e n d of th is q u a si- m ilit a ry rel a tio n s h i p, h e will st a rt
s a yi ng " G eorge, " or eve n " G eo, " wit h o u t h esit a tio n .
Toget h er t h ey go over to t h e coffee m a c h i n e, fill m u gs, select do u g h n u ts fro m t h e
co u n ter. As t h ey t u r n tow a r d t h e c a s h d es k , D reyer sli ps a h e a d of G eorge wit h t h e
c h a nge re a d y. " No--let m e, sir. "
"Yo u're a lw a ys p a yi ng. "
D reyer gri n s. " We're i n t h e c h ip s, si n ce I p u t M a ri n ette to wor k . "
" S h e got t h a t te a c h i ng job?"
"It j u st c a m e t h ro u g h . O f co u rse, it's o n ly tem por a ry. T h e o n ly s n ag is, s h e h as to
get u p a n h o u r e a rlier. "
" So yo u're fix i ng yo u r ow n b rea k fa st?"
" O h , I ca n m a n age. Till s h e gets a job n e a rer i n . O r I get h er p reg n a n t. " H e visib ly
e n joys t h is m a n -to- m a n st u ff wit h G eorge. (D oes h e k n ow a bo u t m e? G eorge wo n d ers; do
a n y of t h e m? O h yes, p rob a bly. It wo u l d n't i n terest t h e m . T h ey do n't w a n t to k n ow a bo u t
m y feeli ngs or m y gl a n d s or a n y t h i ng b elow m y n ec k . I co u l d j u st a s well b e a severed
h e a d ca r ried i n to t h e cla ssroo m to lect u re to t h e m fro m a d is h .)
" S a y, t h a t re m i n d s m e, " D reyer is s a yi ng, " M a ri n ette w a n ted m e to as k yo u , sir--
we were wo n d eri ng if yo u co u ld m a n age to get o u t to u s aga i n b efore too lo ng? We co u l d
coo k u p so m e sp ag h etti. A n d m a yb e To m co u l d b ri ng over t h a t t a p e I w a s telli ng yo u
a bo u t--t h e o n e h e got fro m t h e a u d io-vis u al u p a t B er k eley, of K a t h eri n e A n n e Porter
re a d i ng h er st u ff--"
" T h a t'd b e fi n e, " s a ys G eorge v ag u ely, wit h e n t h u si a s m . H e gla n ces u p a t t h e
cloc k . "I s a y, we o u g h t to b e goi ng. "
D reyer is n't i n t h e le a st d a m p ed by h is v ag u e n ess. Prob a b ly h e does n ot w a n t
G eorge to co m e to s u p p er a n y m ore t h a n G eorge w a n ts to go. It is all sy m bol-ic.
M a ri n ette h a s tol d h i m to a s k , a n d h e h a s a s k ed , a n d n ow it is o n recor d t h a t G eorge
h a s a ccep ted , for t h e seco n d ti m e, a n i n vita tio n to t h eir h o m e. A n d t h is m e a n s t h a t
G eorge is a n i n ti m a te a n d ca n b e refer red to i n after yea rs a s p a rt of t h eir circle i n t h e
ol d d a ys. O h yes, t h e D reyers will loy a lly do t h eir p a rt to m a k e G eorge's p l a ce sec u re
a m o ng t h e gr a n d ol d bores of yesterye a r. G eorge c a n j u st p ict u re o n e of t h ose eve n i ngs
i n t h e 1 9 9 0's, w h e n R u ss is d ea n of a n E nglis h d ep a rt m e n t i n t h e M i d dle West a n d
M a ri n ette is t h e m ot h er of grow n - u p so n s a n d d a u g h ters. A n a u d ie n ce of yo u ng
i n str u ctors a n d t h eir wives, sy m bolica lly en tert a i n i ng D r. a n d M rs. D reyer, will b e
sy m bolic ally t h rilled to c a tc h t h e D e a n i n a n a n ecdot a l m ood, m oo n i ng a n d m u m bli ng
wit h a f u d d led s mile t h ro u g h a m a ze of wowless sagas, i n to w h ic h G eorge a n d m a n y
m a n y ot h ers will e n ter, u tteri ng m isq u otes. A n d M a ri n ette, p er m a n e n tly s mili ng, will sit
liste n i ng wit h t h e t h ir d e a r--t h e o n e t h a t h a s h e a r d it a ll b efore--a n d p r a yi ng for eleve n
o'cloc k to co m e. A n d it will co m e. A n d a ll will agree t h a t t h is h a s b ee n a m e m ora b le
eve n i ng i n deed.
As t h ey w a l k tow a rd t h e cl assroo m, D reyer a s k s G eorge w h a t h e t h i n k s a bo u t
w h a t D r. Le a vis s a id a bo u t Sir C h a rles S n o w. (T h ese fa r-off u n h a p p y O ld T h i ngs a n d
t h eir lo ng ago b a ttles a re still h ot n ews o u t h ere i n Sleep y H ollow St a te.) " Well, first of
a ll--" G eorge b egi n s.
T h ey a re p a ssi ng t h e te n n is co u rts a t t h is m o m e n t. O n ly o n e co u rt is occ u p ied , by
two yo u ng m e n p l a yi ng si ngles. T h e s u n h a s co m e o u t wit h s u d d e n fierce h e a t t h ro u g h
t h e s m og- h a ze, a n d t h e two a re stri p p ed n e a rly n a k ed. T h ey h a ve n ot h i ng o n t h eir
bodies b u t gy m s h oes a n d t h ic k swe a t soc k s a n d k n it s h orts of t h e k i n d cyclists we a r,
very s h ort a n d close-fitti ng, m old i ng t h e m selves to t h e b u ttoc k s a n d t h e loi n s. T h ey a re
a b sol u tely u n a w a re of t h e p a ssers-b y, isola ted i n t h e i n te n t n ess of t h eir ga m e. Yo u
wo u l d t h i n k t h ere w as n o n et b etwee n t h e m . T h eir n a k ed n ess m a k es t h e m see m close to
e a c h ot h er a n d d irectly op posed , bod y to bod y, li k e fig h ters. If t h is were a fig h t, t h o u g h ,
it wo u l d be o n e-sid ed , for t h e boy o n t h e left is m u c h t h e s m a ller. H e is M exic a n , m a yb e,
b l a c k - h a ired , h a n d so m e, c a tli k e, cr u el, co m p a ct, lit h e, m u sc u l a r, q u ic k a n d gra cef u l o n
h is feet. H is body is a n a t u r a l d a r k gold -b row n ; t h ere is a f u zz of c u rly b l a c k h a ir o n h is
c h est a n d b elly a n d t h ig h s. H e p l a ys h a rd a n d fa st, wit h cr u el m a stery, b a ri ng h is w h ite
teet h , u n s m ili ng, a s h e sl a m s b a c k t h e b a ll. H e is goi ng to wi n . H is op po n e n t, t h e b ig
b lo n d boy, a lre a d y k n ows t h is; t h ere is a to u c h -l u g ga ll a n try i n h is d efe n se. H e is so
sweet- n a t u red ly be a u tif u l, so n ob ly m a d e; a n d yet h is cl a ssic a l cre a m m a rb le bod y
see m s a h a n d ica p to h i m . T h e r u les of t h e ga m e i n h i b it it fro m f u n ctio n i ng. H e is fig h ti ng
a t a h op eless dis a d v a n t age. H e s h o u ld t h row a w a y h is u seless r a c k et, va u lt over t h e n et,
a n d force t h e cr u el little gol d ca t to s u b m it to h is m a r ble stre ngt h . No, o n t h e co n tr a ry,
t h e b lo n d boy a ccep ts t h e r u les, b i n d s h i m self b y t h e m , will s u ffer defea t a n d
h u m ili a tio n r a t h er t h a n b re a k t h e m . H is h el p less b ig n ess a n d b lo n d n ess give h i m a n a ir
of u n m od er n c h iv alry. H e will fig h t cle a n , a p erfect sports m a n , u n til h e h a s lost t h e l a st
ga m e. A n d wo n't t h is k eep h a p p e n i ng to h i m a ll t h ro u g h I n s life? Wo n't h e k eep getti ng
h i m self i n volved i n t h e w ro ng k i n d of ga m e, t h e k i n d of ga m e h e w a s n ever bor n to p l a y,
aga i n st a n op po n e n t w h o is q u ic k a n d clever a n d m erciless?
T h is ga m e is cr u el; b u t its cr u elty is se n s u a l a n d stirs G eorge i n to h ot ex cite m e n t.
H e feels a t h rill of p lea s u re to fi n d t h e se n ses so e ager i n t h eir respo n se; too ofte n , n ow,
t h ey see m s a d ly j a d ed. F ro m h is h e a rt, h e t h a n k s t h ese yo u ng a n i m als for t h eir b ea u ty.
A n d t h ey will n ever k n ow w h a t t h ey h a ve don e to m a k e t h is m o m e n t m a rvelo u s to h i m,
a n d life itself less h a tef u l...
D reyer is s a yi ng, " Sor ry, sir--I lost yo u for a m i n u te, t h ere. I u n d erst a n d a bo u t t h e
two c u lt u res, of co u rse--b u t do yo u m e a n yo u agree wit h D r. Le a vis?" F a r fro m t a k i ng
t h e fa i n test i n terest i n t h e te n n is p la yers, D reyer w al k s wit h h is body h a lf t u r n ed a w a y
fro m t h e m , h is w h ole co n ce n tr a tio n fi x ed u pon G eorge's t a l k i ng h e a d .
F or it ob vio u sly h a s b ee n t a l k i ng. G eorge re alizes t h is wit h t h e s a m e d isco m fit u re
h e felt o n t h e freew a y, w h e n t h e c h a u ffe u r-fig u re got t h e m cle a r dow n tow n . O h yes, h e
k n ows fro m ex p erie n ce w h a t t h e t a l k i ng h ea d ca n do, l a te i n t h e eve n i ng, w h e n h e is
bored a n d tired a n d d r u n k , to h elp h i m t h ro u g h a d u ll p a rty. It c a n p la y b a c k a ll of
G eorge's fa vorite t h eories--j u st a s lo ng a s it is n't a rg u ed wit h ; t h e n it m a y b eco m e
co nf u sed. It k n ows a t le ast t h ree doze n of h is best a n ecdotes. B u t h ere, i n b ro a d
d a ylig h t, d u ri ng ca m p u s ho u rs, w h e n G eorge s h o u ld b e o n -st age every seco n d , i n f u ll
co n trol of h is p erfor m a n ce! C a n it b e t h a t t a l k i ng h e a d a n d t h e c h a u ffe u r a re i n le ag u e?
A re t h ey m a y be p l a n n i ng a m erger?
" We re a lly h a ve n't ti m e to go i n to a ll t h is rig h t n ow, " h e tells D reyer s m oot h ly.
" A n d a n y h ow, I'd li k e to c h ec k u p o n t h e Lea vis lect u re aga i n . I've still got t h a t iss u e of
T h e S p ect a tor so m ew h ere a t h o m e, I t h i n k ... O h , b y t h e w a y, d id yo u ever get to re a d
t h a t p iece o n M a iler, a bo u t a m o n t h ago--i n E sq u ire, w a s n't it? It's o n e of t h e b est t h i ngs
I've see n i n a lo ng ti m e.... "

G E O R G E'S cl a ssroo m h a s two doors i n its long si d e w aII, o n e u p fro n t, t h e ot h er a t t h e

b a c k of t h e roo m. Most of t h e st u d e n ts e n ter fro m t h e b a c k bec a u se, wit h a n i nf u ri a ti ng
s h eep -obsti n a cy, t h ey love to h u d d le toget h er, co nfro n ti ng t h eir te a c h ers fro m b e h i n d a
b a r rier m a de of e m p ty se a ts. B u t t h is se m ester t h e cl a ss is o n ly a trifle s m a ller t h a n t h e
c a p a city of t h e roo m. L a te co m ers a re forced to sit fa rt h er a n d fa rt h er for w a rd , to
G eorge's sly s a tisfa ctio n ; fi n a lly, t h ey h a ve to t a k e t h e seco n d row. As for t h e fro n t row,
w h ic h m ost of t h e m s h u n so dogged ly, G eorge c a n fill t h a t u p wit h h is reg u l a rs: R u ss
D reyer, To m K u gel m a n , Sister M a ri a , M r. Stoessel, M rs. N ett a Tor res, K e n n y Potter , Lois
Y a m ag u c h i.
G eorge n ever e n ters t h e cla ssroo m wit h D reyer, or a n y ot h er st u d e n t. A d eep ly
rooted d r a m a tic i n sti n ct for b i d s h i m to do so. T h is is re a lly a ll t h a t h e u ses h is office for -
-a s a p l a ce to wit h d r a w i n to before cl a ss, ', i m p ly i n or d er to r e-e m erge fro m it a n d m a k e
h is e n tr a n ce. H e does n't i n terview st u d e n ts i n it, b ec a u se t h ese offices a re s h a red by a t
le a st two fa c u lty m e m bers, a n d D r. G ottlieb , w h o te a c h es t h e M et a p h ysic al Poets, is
n e a rly a lw a ys t h ere. G eorge ca n n ot t a l k to a n ot h er h u m a n b ei ng a s if t h e two of t h e m
were a lo n e w h e n , i n fa ct, t h ey a re n't. E ve n s u c h a h a r m less q u estio n a s " W h a t do yo u
h o n estly t h i n k of E m erso n?" so u n d s i n d ecen tly i n ti m a te, a n d s u c h a m ild criticis m a s
" W h a t yo u've w ritte n is a m i x ed m et a p h or a n d it does n't m e a n a n y t h i ng" so u n d s
u n n ecess a rily cr u el, w h e n D r. G ottlieb is rig h t t h ere a t t h e ot h er d es k liste n i ng or,
w h a t's worse, p rete n d i ng n ot to liste n . B u t G ottlieb ob vio u sly does n't feel t h is w a y.
Per h a ps it is a p ec u li a rly B ritis h scr u p le.
So n ow, le a vi ng D reyer, G eorge goes i n to t h e office. It is rig h t a cross t h e h a llw a y.
G ottlieb is n't t h ere, for a wo n d er. G eorge p eep s o u t of t h e wi n dow betwee n t h e sla ts of
t h e V e n eti a n b li n d s a n d sees, i n t h e fa r d ist a n ce, t h e two te n n is p l a yers still a t t h eir
ga m e. H e co u g h s, fi ngers t h e telep h o n e d irectory wit h o u t loo k i ng a t it, closes t h e e m p ty
d r a wer i n h is d es k , w h ic h h a s b ee n p u lled op e n a little. T h e n , a b r u p tly, h e t u r n s, t a k es
h is b riefc a se o u t of t h e closet, le a ves t h e office a n d crosses to t h e fro n t cl a ssroo m door.
H is e n tr a n ce is q u ite u n d r a m a tic a ccor d i ng to co n ve n tio n a l st a n d a r ds.
N evert h eless, t h is is a s u b tly co n trived, o u tr ageo u sly t h e a tric a l effect. No h u s h fa lls a s
G eorge w a l k s i n . Most of t h e st u d e n ts go righ t o n t a l k i ng. B u t t h ey a re a ll w a tc h i ng h i m,
w a iti ng for h i m to give so m e sig n , n o m a tter h ow slig h t, t h a t t h e cl a ss is to b egi n . T h e
effect is a s u b tle b u t gr a d u a lly i n cre a si ng te n sio n , c a u sed b y G eorge's te a si ng ref u sa l to
give t h is sig n a n d t h e st u d e n ts' co u n ter d eter m i n a tio n n ot to stop t a l k i ng u n til h e gives
it.
M e a n w h ile, h e st a n d s t h ere. Slowly, d eli b era tely, li k e a m agici a n , h e t a k es a si ngle
boo k o u t of h is b riefc ase a n d p la ces it o n t h e re a d i ng d es k . As h e does t h is, h is eyes
m ove over t h e fa ces of t h e cla ss. H is li p s c u rve i n a fa i n t b u t bold s m ile. So m e of t h e m
s m ile b a c k a t h i m . G eorge fi n ds t h is fra n k co nfro n t a tio n ex tr a ord i n a rily ex h il a ra ti ng. H e
d r a ws stre ngt h fro m t h ese s m iles, t h ese b rig h t yo u ng eyes. F or h i m , t h is is o n e of t h e
p e a k m o m e n ts of t h e d a y. H e feels b rillia n t, vit a l, c h a lle ngi ng, slig h tly m ysterio u s a n d ,
a bove a ll, foreig n . H is n e a t d a r k clot h es, h is w h ite d ress s h irt a n d tie (t h e o n ly tie i n t h e
roo m) a re u n co m p ro m isi ngly a lie n fro m t h e aggressively virile i nfor m a lity of t h e yo u ng
m a le st u d e n ts. Most of t h ese we a r s n e a k ers a n d ga rterless w h ite wool soc k s, jea n s i n
col d wea t h er, a n d i n w a r m we a t h er s h orts (t h e t h ig h -cli ngi ng B er m u d a ty p e--t h e m ore
b eco m i ng s h ort o n es a re n't co n sid ered q u ite d ece n t). If it is re a lly w a r m , t h ey'll roll u p
t h eir sleeves a n d so m eti m es lea ve t h eir s h irts p rovoca tively u n b u tto n ed to s h ow c u rly
c h est h a ir a n d a St. C h ristop h er m ed a l. T h ey loo k a s if t h ey were re a d y a t a n y m i n u te to
switc h fro m st u dyi ng to d itc h -d iggi ng or ga ng-fig h ti ng. T h ey see m li k e mere cl u m sy k i d s
i n co n tr a st wit h t h e girls, for t h ese h a ve a ll o u tgrow n t h eir tee n -age p h a se of C a p ri
p a n ts, slop p y s h irts a n d gia n t h e a d s of te ased - u p h a ir. T h ey a re m a t u re wo m e n , a n d
t h ey co m e to cl a ss d ressed a s if for a h ig h ly resp ect a b le p a rty.
T h is m or n i ng G eorge n otes t h a t a ll of h is fro n t-row reg u l a rs a re p rese n t. D reyer
a n d K u gel m a n a re t h e o n ly o n es h e h a s a ct u a lly a s k ed to h elp fill t h e ga p by sitti ng
t h ere; t h e rest of t h e m h a ve t h eir i n divid u a l re aso n s for doi ng so. W h ile G eorge is
te a c h i ng, D reyer w a tc h es h i m wit h a n e n co u r agi ng alert n ess; b u t G eorge k n ows t h a t
D reyer is n't re a lly i m p ressed by h i m . To D reyer, G eorge will a lw a ys re m ai n a n a c a d e m ic
a m a te u r; h is d egrees a n d b a c k gro u n d a re B ritis h a n d t h erefore d u b io u s. Still, G eorge is
t h e S k i p per, t h e O ld M a n ; a n d D reyer, by s u p porti ng h is a u t h ority, s u p ports t h e
str u ct u re of v a l u es u p w hic h h e h i m self p roposes to cli m b. So h e wills G eorge to b e
b rillia n t a n d i m p ress t h e o u tsi d ers--t h a t is to s a y, everyo n e else i n t h e cla ss. T h e fa n n y
t h i ng is t h a t D reyer, wit h t h e cle a r co n scie n ce of a b sol u te loya lty, feels free to w h isp er to
K u gel m a n , h is lie u te n a n t, a s ofte n as h e w a n ts to. W h e n ever t h is h a p p e n s, G eorge lo ngs
to stop t a l k i ng a n d liste n to w h a t t h ey a re s a yi ng a bo u t h i m . I n sti n ctively, G eorge is s u re
t h a t D reyer wo u ld n ever d re a m of t a l k i ng a bo u t a n yo n e else d u ri ng cl a ss: t h a t wo u ld b e
b a d m a n n ers.
Sister M a ri a b elo ngs to a te a c h i ng ord er. Soo n s h e'll get h er cred e n ti a l a n d
b eco m e a te a c h er h erself. S h e is, no do u b t, a fa irly n or m a l, u n i m agi n a tive, h a rd wor k i ng
good yo u ng wo m a n ; a n d n o do u b t s h e sits u p fro n t b eca u se it h el p s h er co n ce n tr a te,
m a y b e eve n bec a u se t h e boys still i n terest h er a little a n d s h e w a n ts to a voi d loo k i ng a t
t h e m . B u t we, m ost of u s, lose o u r se n se of p roportio n i n t h e p rese n ce of a n u n ; a n d
G eorge, t h u s ex posed a t s h ort r a nge to t h is b ri d e of C h rist i n h er u n co m p ro m isi ng
m ed ieva l h a bit, fi n ds h i m self b eco m i ng fl u stered , d efe n sive. A n u n willi ng co n scrip t i n
H ell's legio n s, h e fa ces t h e sol dier of H e a ve n a cross t h e fro n t li n e of a rt ex ceed i ngly polite
col d w a r. I n every se n te n ce h e a d d resses to h er, h e c a lls h er " Sister "; w h ic h is p rob a b ly
j u st w h a t s h e does n't w a n t.
M r. Stoessel sits i n t h e fro n t row b eca u se h e is de af a n d m i d d le-aged a n d o n ly
l a tely a r rived fro m E u rop e, a n d h is E nglis h is ter ri b le.
M rs. N ett a Tor res is a lso m id dle-aged . S h e see m s to b e t a k i ng t h is co u rse o u t of
m ere c u riosity or to fill i n id le h o u rs. S h e h a s t h e loo k of a d ivorcee. S h e sits u p fro n t
b ec a u se h er i n terest is ce n tered fr a n k ly a n d b r u t a lly o n G eorge a s G eorge. S h e w a tc h es
r a t h er t h a n liste n s to h i m . S h e eve n see m s to b e " re a d i ng" h is word s i n d irectly, t h ro u g h
a sort of B r a ille m a d e u p of h is gest u res, i nflectio n s, m a n n eris m s. A n d t h is a l m ost t a ctile
scr u ti n y is a cco m p a n ied b y a mot h erly s m ile, for, to M rs. Tor res, G eorge is j u st a s m a ll
boy, re a lly, a n d so c u te. G eorge wo u l d love to c a tc h h er o u t a n d d isco u rage h er fro m
a tte n d i ng h is cl a ss b y givi ng h er low gr a d es. B u t, a l a s, h e c a n't. M rs. Tor res is liste n i ng
a s well a s w a tc h i ng; s h e c a n rep ea t w h a t h e h a s b ee n s a yi ng, wor d for word .
K e n n y Potter sits i n t h e fro n t row b eca u se h e's w h a t's n ow a d a ys c a lled cr a zy,
m e a n i ng o n ly t h a t h e te n d s to do t h e op posite of w h a t m ost p eople do; n ot o n p ri n ci ple,
h owever, a n d cert a i n ly n ot o u t of aggressiven ess. Prob a b ly h e's too v ag u e to n otice t h e
m a n n ers a n d c u sto m s of t h e tri b e, a n d too l a zy to follow t h e m , a n yw a y. H e is a t a ll
s k i n n y boy wit h very b ro a d stoop ed s h o u ld ers, gold -red h air, a s m a ll h e a d , s m a ll b rig h t-
b l u e eyes. H e wo u ld be co n ve n tio n a lly h a n d so m e if h e di d n't h a ve a b e a k y n ose; b u t it is
a n ice o n e, a la rge, h u m oro u s orga n .
G eorge fi n d s h i m self a l m ost co n ti n u o u sly a w a re of K e n n y's p rese n ce i n t h e roo m ,
b u t t h is does n't m e a n t h a t h e rega rd s K e n n y a s a n a lly. O h , n o-- h e c a n n ever ve n t u re to
t a k e K e n n y for gra n ted . So m eti m es w h e n G eorge m a k es a jo k e a n d K e n n y l a u g h s h is
d eep , r a t h er wild , l a u g h , G eorge feels h e is bei ng l a ug h ed wit h . A t oilier ti m es, w h e n t h e
l a u g h co m es a fr a ctio n of a m o m e n t l a te, G eorge gets a spoo k y i m p ressio n t h a t K e n n y is
l a u g h i ng n ot a t t h e jo k e b u t a t t h e w h ole sit u a tio n : t h e ed u c a tio n a l syste m of t h is
co u n try, a n d a ll t h e eco n o m ic a n d politic al a n d p syc h ologica l forces w h ic h h a ve b ro u g h t
t h e m i n to t h is cl a ssroo m toget h er. A t s u c h li m es, G eorge s u sp ects K e n n y of
u n d erst a n d i ng t h e i n - n er m ost m e a n i ng of life--of bei ng, i n fact, so m e sort of a ge n i u s
(t h o u g h yo u wo u ld cert a i n ly n ever g u ess t his fro m h is ter m p a pers). A n d t h e n aga i n ,
m a y b e K e n n y is j u st very yo u ng for h is age, a n d m islea di ngly c h a r m i ng, a n d silly.
Lois Y a m ag u c h i sits b esi de K e n n y bec a u se sh e is h is girl frie n d ; a t le a st, t h ey a re
n e a rly a lw a ys toget h er. S h e s m iles a t G eorge i n a w a y t h a t m a k es h i m wo n d er if s h e a n d
K e n n y h a ve p riva te jo k es a bo u t h i m --b u t w h o c a n be s u re of a n y t h i ng wit h t h ese
e n ig m a tic Asia n s? Alex a n d er Mo ng s m iles en ig m a tic a lly, too, t h o u g h h is be a u tif u l h ea d
a l m ost cert a i n ly co n t a i n s n ot h i ng b u t clotted oil p a i n t. Lois a n d Alex a n d er a re b y fa r t h e
m ost b e a u tif u l cre a t u res i n t h e cla ss; t h eir be a u ty is li k e t h e b e a u ty of p l a n ts, see m i ngly
u n tro u b led b y va n ity, a n x iety or effort.
All t h is w h ile, t h e te n sio n h a s b ee n mo u n ti ng. G eorge h a s co n ti n u ed to s mile a t
t h e t a l k ers a n d to p reserve h is wo n derf u l p rovoc a tive m elod r a m a tic sile n ce. A n d n ow, a t
l a st, after n e a rly fo u r w h ole m i n u tes, h is sile n ce h a s co n q u ered t h e m . T h e t a l k i ng d ies
dow n . T h ose w h o h a ve a lre a d y stop p ed t a l k i ng s h u s h t h e ot h ers. G eorge h a s tri u m p h ed .
B u t h is tri u m p h l a sts o n ly for a mo m e n t. F or n ow h e m u st b re a k h is ow n sp ell. Now h e
m u st c a st off h is m ysterio u s n ess a n d st a n d reve a led a s t h a t d i m e-a -doze n t h i ng, a
te a c h er, to w h o m t h e cl ass h a s got to liste n , n o m a tter w h et h er h e d rools or st a m m ers or
sp e a k s wit h t h e to ng u e of a n a ngel--t h a t's n eit h er h ere n or t h ere. T h e cl a ss h a s got to
liste n to G eorge b eca u se, b y virt u e of t h e powers vested i n h i m b y t h e St a te of C a lifor n ia ,
h e c a n m a k e t h e m s u b m it to a n d st u dy eve n h is cr a ssest p rej u d ices, h is m ost
ir respo n sib le c a p rices, a s so m a n y v a l u a b le cl u es to t h e p rob le m: H ow c a n I i m p ress,
fl a tter or ot h er wise co n t h is c a n t a n k ero u s ol d t h i ng i n to givi ng m e a good gr a d e?
Yes, a la s, n ow h e m u st spoil every t h i ng. Now h e m u st sp ea k .
" A F T E R m a n y a s u m m er d ies t h e sw a n .' " G eorge rolls t h e wor d s off h is to ng u e
wit h s u c h h a m m y h a r m o n ics, s u c h s h a m eless relis h , t h a t t h is so u n d s li k e a p a rod y of
W. B . Ye a ts reciti ng. (H e co m es dow n o n " d ies " wit h a gre a t t h u m p to co m p e n s a te for t h e
" A n d " w h ic h Al do u s H u x ley h a s c h op p ed off fro m t h e b egi n n i ng of t h e origi n al li n e.)
T h e n , h a vi ng m a n aged to st a rtle or e m b a r r ass a t le ast a few of t h e m , h e loo k s a ro u n d
t h e roo m wit h a n iro n ic a l gri n a n d s a ys q u ic k ly, sc h ool m a steris h ly, "I t a k e it yo u've a ll
re a d t h e H u xley n ovel b y t h is ti m e, seei ng th a t I a s k ed yo u to m ore t h a n t h ree wee k s
ago?"
O u t of t h e cor n er of h is eye, h e n otices B u d dy Sore n se n's evid e n t d is m a y, w h ic h is
n ot u n ex p ected , a n d E stelle O xford's i n d ig n a n t n ow-t h ey-tell- m e s h r u g of t h e s h o u l d ers,
w h ic h is m ore serio u s. E stelle is o n e of h i s b rig h test st u d e n ts. J u st b ec a u se s h e is
b rig h t, s h e is m ore co n scio u s of bei ng a N egro, a p p a re n tly, t h a n t h e ot h er colored
st u d e n ts i n t h e cl a ss a re; i n fa ct, s h e is h y p erse n sitive. G eorge s u sp ects h er of
s u sp ecti ng h i m of a ll k i n d s of s u b tle d iscri m i n a tio n . Prob a b ly s h e w a s n't ii t h e roo m
w h e n h e tol d t h e m to re a d t h e n ovel. D a m n, h e s h o u l d h a ve n oticed t h a t a n d tol d h er
l a ter. H e is a b it i n ti m id a ted by h er. Also h e li k es h er a n d is sor ry. Also h e rese n ts t h e
w a y s h e m a k es h i m feel.
" O h well, " h e s a ys, a s n icely as h e c a n , "if a n y of yo u h a ve n't re a d it yet, t h a t's n ot
too i m port a n t. J u st liste n to w h a t's s ai d t h is m or n i ng, a n d t h e n yo u ca n re a d it a n d see
if yo u agree or d isagree. "
H e loo k s a t E stelle a n d s miles. S h e s m iles b a c k . So, t h is ti m e, it's goi ng to b e all
rig h t.
" T h e title is, of co u rse, a q u ot a tio n fro m Te n n yso n's poe m `Tit h o n u s.' A n d , b y t h e
w a y, w h ile we're o n t h e s u b ject--w h o w a s Tit h o n u s?"
Sile n ce. H e loo k s fro m face to fa ce. Nobod y k n ows. E ve n D reyer does n't k n ow.
A n d , C h rist, h ow ty pic al t h is is! Tit h o n u s does n't co n cer n t h e m b eca u se h e's a t two
re m oves fro m t h eir s u bject. H u xley, Te n n yso n , Ti t h o n u s. T h ey're p rep a red to go a s fa r as
Te n n yso n , b u t n ot o n e step fa rt h er. T h ere t h eir c u riosity e n d s. B ec a u se, b a sic a lly, t h ey
do n't give a s h it,.
"Yo u serio u sly m e a n to tell m e t h a t n o n e of yo u k n ows w h o Ti t h o n u s w a s? T h a t
n o n e of yo u co u ld b e bot h ered to fi n d o u t? Well t h e n , a d vise yo u a ll to spe n d p a rt of yo u r
wee k e n d re a d i ng G r a ves's G ree k M y t h s, a n d t h e poe m itself. I m u st s a y, I do n't see h ow
a n yo n e ca n p rete n d to b e i n terested i n a n ovel w h e n h e does n't eve n stop to a s k h i m self
w h a t its title m e a n s. "
T h is sp u rt of ill te m p er d is m a ys G eorge a s soo n a s h e h a s d isc h a rged it. O h d e a r,
h e is getti ng n a sty! A n d t h e worst is, h e n ever k n ows w h e n h e's goi ng to b e h a ve li k e t h is.
H e h a s n o ti m e to c h ec k h i m self. S h a m efaced n ow, a n d avoid i ng a ll t h eir eyes-- K e n n y
Potter's p a rtic u l a rly-- h e fa ste n s h is ga ze h ig h u p o n t h e w a ll op posite.
" Well, to b egi n a t t h e b egi n n i ng, A p h rod ite on ce c a u g h t h er lover A res i n b ed wit h
E os, t h e god d ess of t h e D a w n . (Yo u'd b etter loo k t h e m a ll u p , w h ile yo u're a bo u t it.)
A p h rod ite w a s f u rio u s, of co u rse, so s h e c u rsed E os wit h a c r a ze for h a n d so m e m ort a l
boys--to te a c h h er to lea ve ot h er peop le's god s alo n e. " (G eorge gets a giggle o n t h is li n e
fro m so m eo n e a n d is relieved; h e h as fea red t h ey wo u l d b e offe n d ed b y t h eir scold i ng
a n d wo u l d s u l k .) Not loweri ng h is eyes yet, h e co n ti n u es, wit h a gri n so u n d i ng i n h is
voice, " E os w a s ter ri bly e m b a r r a ssed , b u t s h e fo u n d s h e j u st co u ld n't co n trol h erself, so
s h e st a rted k id n a p p i ng a n d sed u ci ng boys fro m t h e e a rt h . Tit h o n u s w a s o n e of t h e m . As
a m a tter of fa ct, s h e too k h is b rot h er G a n y m ed e a lo ng too--for co m p a n y--" (Lo u d er
giggles, fro m severa l p a rts of t h e roo m , t h is ti m e.) " U nfort u n a tely, Ze u s s a w G a n y m ed e
a n d fell m a d ly i n love wit h h i m . " (If Sister M a ri a is s h oc k ed, t h a t's too b a d . G eorge
does n't loo k a t h er, h owever, b u t a t W a lly B ry a n t--a bo u t w h o m h e co u l d n't be m ore
cert a i n --a n d , s u re e n o u g h , W a lly is w riggli ng wit h d elig h t.) " So, k n owi ng t h a t s h e'd h ave
to give u p G a n y m ed e a n y w a y, E os a s k ed Ze u s, wo u l d n't h e, i n exc h a nge, m a k e Tit h o n u s
i m m ort a l? So Ze u s sa id , of co u rse, w h y n ot? A n d lie d id it. B u t E os w a s so st u pi d, s h e
forgot to as k h i m to give Tit h o n u s eter n a l yo u t h a s well. I n cid e n t a lly, t h a t co u ld q u ite
e a sily h a ve b ee n a r r a nged ; Sele n e, t h e Moo n god dess, fix ed it u p for h er boy frie n d
E n d y m io n . T h e o n ly tro u b le t h ere w a s t h a t Sele n e d id n't c a re to do a n y t h i ng b u t k iss,
w h ere a s E n d y m io n h a d ot h er i d ea s; so s h e p u t h i m i n to a n eter n a l sleep to k eep h i m
q u iet. A n d it's n ot m u c h f u n bei ng b e a u tif u l for ever a n d ever, w h e n yo u ca n't eve n w a k e
u p a n d loo k a t yo u rself i n a m ir ror. " (N e a rly every bod y is s m ili ng, n ow --yes, eve n Sister
M a ri a . G eorge b ea m s a t t h e m . H e does so h a te u n p le a s a n t n ess.) " W h ere w a s I? O h yes--
so poor Tit h o n u s gr a d u a lly b eca m e a rep u lsively i m m ort a l ol d m a n --" (Lo u d l a ug h ter.)
" A n d E os, wit h t h e c h a r a c-teristic h e a rtless n ess of a god d ess, got bored wit h h i m a n d
loc k ed h i m u p . A n d h e got m ore a n d m ore gaga , fi n d h is voice got s h riller a n d s h riller,
u n til s u d d e n ly o n e d a y h e t u r n ed i n to a cica d a . "
T h is is a m isera b ly we a k p a yoff. G eorge h a sn't ex p ected it to wor k , a n d i t does n't.
M r. Stoessel is q u ite fr a n tic wit h i n co m p re he n sio n a n d a p p ea ls to D reyer i n d esp er a te
w h isp ers. D reyer w hisp ers b ac k ex pl a n a tio ns, w h ic h c a u se f u rt h er m is u n d erst a n d i ngs.
M r. Stoessel gets it a t l a st a n d ex cl ai m s, " Ac h so--ei n e Zi k a d e!" i n a rep roa c hf u l to n e
w h ic h i m p lies t h a t it's G eorge a n d t h e e n tire A nglo-A m eric a n worl d w ho h a ve bee n
m isp ro n o u n ci ng t h e wor d . B u t b y n ow G eorge h a s st a rted u p aga i n --a n d wit h a c h a nge
of a ttit u d e. H e's n o lo nger wooi ng t h e m , e n tert a i n i ng t h e m ; h e's telli ng t h e m , b ris k ly,
a u t h orit a tively. It is t h e voice of a j u dge, s u m m i ng u p a n d c h a rgi ng t h e j u ry.
" H u x ley's ge n er a l re a so n for c h oosi ng t h is title is ob vio u s. H owever, yo u will h a ve
to a s k yo u rselves h ow fa r it will b e a r a p p lica tio n i n d et a il to t h e circ u m st a n ces of t h e
story. F or ex a m p le, t h e fift h E a rl of G o n ia r c a n b e a ccep ted a s a co u n ter p a rt of Tit h o n u s,
a n : e n ds by t u r n i ng i n to a m o n k ey, j u st a s Tit h o n u s t u r n ed i n to a n i n sect. B u t w h a t
a bo u t J o Stoy te? A n d a O bispo? H e's fa r more li k e G oet h e's M ep h istop h eles t h a n li k e
Ze u s. A n d w h o is E os? Not V irgi n i a M a u n ci p le, s u rely. F or o n e t h i ng, I feel s u re s h e
does n't u p e a rly e n o u g h . " Nobod y sees t h is jo k e. G eorge so m eti m es t h rows o n e a w a y,
d esp ite a ll his ex p erie n ce, b y m u tteri ng it, E nglis h style. A b it p iq u ed b y t h eir fa il u re to
a p p l a u d , h e co n ti n u es, i n a n al m ost b u lly to n e, " B u t, b efore we c a n go a n y f u rt h er,
yo u've got to m a k e u p yo u r m i n d s w h a t t h is n ovel act u a lly a bo u t. "
T h ey sp e n d t h e rest of t h e h o u r m a k i ng u p th eir m i n d s.
A t first, a s a lw a ys, t h ere is b la n k sile n ce. T h e cl a ss sits st a ri ng, a s it were, a t t h e
se m a n tic a lly p rod igio u s wor d. A bo u t. W h a t is it a bo u t? Well, w h a t G eorge w a n t t h e m to
s a y it's a bo u t? T h ey'll s a y a bo u t a n y t h i ng h e li k es, a n y t h i ng a t a ll. F or n e a rly a ll of t h e m ,
d esp ite t h eir a c a d e m ic tr a i n i ng, d eep , d eep dow n still rega rd t h is a bo u t b u si n ess as a
tireso m ely sop h istic a ted ga me. As for t h e m i n ority w h o h a ve c u ltiv a ted t h e a bo u t
a p p ro a c h u n til it h a s b eco m e seco n d n a t u re, w h o d re a m of w riti ng a n a bo u t boo k of t h e
ow n o n e d a y, o n F a u l k n er, J a m es or Co n r a d, p rovi ng d efi n itively t h a t a ll p revio u s a bo u t
boo k s o n t h a t s u b ject a re a bo u t n ot h i ng--t h ey a re n't goi ng to s a y a n y t h i ng yet a w h ile.
T h ey a re w a iti ng for t h e m o m e n t w h e n t h e c a n co m e for w a rd li k e st a r d etectives wit h t h e
sol u tio n to H u x ley's cri m e. M e a n w h ile, let t h e little o n es flo u n d er. Let t h e m u d b e stir red
u p , first.
T h e m u d is ob ligi ngly stir red u p b y Alex a n der Mo ng. H e k n ows w h a t h e's doi ng, of
co u rse. H e is n't d u m b. M a yb e it's eve n p a rt of h is p h ilosop h y a s a n a b str a ct p a i n ter to
rega r d a n y t h i ng fig u r a tive a s merely c h il d ish . A C a u c a si a n wo u l d get aggressive a bo u t
t h is, b u t n ot Alex a n d er. Wit h t h a t b ea u tif u l C h i n ese s m ile, h e s a ys, "It's a bo u t t h is ric h
g u y w h o's jea lo u s b eca u se h e's: afra i d h e's too old for t h is girl of h is, a n d h e t h i n k s t h is
yo u ng g u y is o n t h e m a k e for h er, o n ly h e is n't, a n d h e does n't h a ve a h op e, bec a u se s h e
a n d t h e doctor a lre a d y m a d e t h e sce n e. So t h e ric h g u y s h oots t h e yo u ng g u y by
m ist a k e, a n d t h e doctor li k e covers u p for t h e m a n d t h e n t h ey a ll go to E ngl a n d to fi n d
t h is E a rl c h a r a cter w h o's mo n k eyi ng a ro u n d wit h a c h ic k i n a cella r--"
A ro a r of joy a t t h is. G eorge s m iles good -sporti ngly a n d s a ys, "Yo u left o u t M r.
Por d age a n d M r. Prop ter--w h a t do t h ey do?"
 "Por d age? O h yes-- h e's t h e o n e t h a t fi n d s o u t a bo u t t h e E a rl e a ti ng t h ose cr a zy
fis h --"
" C arp."
" T h a t's rig h t. A n d Prop ter "--Alex a n d er gri n s a n d scr a tc h es h is h e a d , clow n i ng it
u p a b it--"I'm sor ry, sir. Yo u'll j u st h a ve to ex c u se m e. I m e a n, I d id n't h it t h e s a c k till
li k e h a lf p a st two t h is mor n i ng, tryi ng to fig u re t h a t c a t o u t. Wow! I do n't d ig t h a t j a zz. "
More l a u g h ter. Alex a n d er h a s f u lfilled h is f u n ctio n . H e h a s p u t t h e c a se,
c h a r m i ngly, for t h e p h ilisti n es. Now to ng u es a re loose n ed a n d t h e i n q u est c a n p roceed .
H ere a re so m e of its fi n d i ngs: M r. Prop ter sh o u l d n't h a ve s ai d t h e ego is u n re a l;
t h is p roves t h a t h e h a s n o fa it h i n h u m a n n a t u re.
T h is n ovel is a rid a n d a bstr a ct m ysticis m. W h a t do we n eed eter n ity for, a n y w a y?
T h is n ovel is clever b u t cy n ica l. H u x ley s h o u l d d well more o n t h e w a r m h u m a n
e m otio n s.
T h is n ovel is a wo n d erf u l sp irit u a l ser m o n . It te a c h es u s t h a t we a re n't m ea n t to
p ry i n to t h e m ysteries of life. We m u st n't t a m p er wit h eter n ity.
H u x ley is m a rvelo u sly z a n y. H e w a n ts to get ri d of people a n d m a k e t h e worl d safe
for a n i m a ls a n d spirits.
To s a y ti m e is evil b ec a u se evil h a p p e n s i n ti m e is li k e s a yi ng t h e oce a n is a fis h
b ec a u se fis h h a p p e n i n t h e ocea n .
M r. Prop ter h a s n o sex life. T h is m a k es h i m u n co n vi n ci ng a s a c h a r a cter.
M r. Prop ter's sex life is u n co n vi n ci ng.
M r. Prop ter is a J efferso n i a n d e m ocr a t, a n a n a rc h ist, a B ols h evi k , a p roto- J o h n -
B irc h er.
M r. Prop ter is a n esc a p ist. T h is is ill u str a ted b y t h e co n versa tio n wit h Pete a bo u t
t h e C ivil W a r i n Sp a i n . Pete w as a good g u y u n til M r. Prop ter b r a i n w a s h ed h i m a n d h e
h a d a fa il u re of n erve a n d st a rted to believe i n G od.
H u x ley rea lly u n d erst a n d s wo m e n . G ivi ng V irgi n i a a rose-colored motor scooter
w a s a p erfect to u c h .
A n d so o n a n d so fort h ....
G eorge sta n d s t h ere s m ili ng, s a yi ng very little, letti ng t h e m e n joy t h e m selves. H e
p resid es over t h e n ovel li k e a n a tte n d a n t a t a c a r n iva l boot h , e n co u r agi ng t h e crowd to
t h row a n d s m a s h t h eir t a rgets; it's a ll good cle a n f u n . H owever, t h ere a re cert ai n gro u n d
r u les w h ic h m u st be u p h eld . W h e n so m eo n e st a rts i n a bo u t m esc a li n e a n d lysergic a cid ,
i m p lyi ng t h a t M r. H u xley is n ex t door to b ei ng a dop e a d d ict, G eorge c u rtly co n tr a d icts
h i m . W h e n so m eo n e else coyly tries to t u r n t h e clef i n t h e ro m a n --Is t h ere, co u ld n't t h ere
b e so m e co n n ectio n betwee n a cert a i n notorio u s l a d y a n d Jo Stoy te's s hooti ng of Pete?--
G eorge tells h i m a b sol u tely n ot; t h a t fa iry t ale w a s ex p lod ed b a c k i n t h e t h irties.
A n d n ow co m es a q u estio n G eorge h a s b ee n ex p ecti ng. It is a s k ed , of co u rse, b y
M y ro n H irsc h , t h a t i n d efa tiga b le h ec k ler of t h e goyi m . " Sir, h ere o n p age seve n ty- n i n e,
M r. Prop ter s a ys t h e st u p id est tex t i n t h e B ib le is 't h ey h a ted m e wit h o u t a c a u se.' D oes
h e m e a n by t h a t t h e N a zis were rig h t to h a te t h e J ews? Is H u x ley a n ti-Se m itic?"
G eorge d r a ws a lo ng b rea t h . " No, " h e a n swers m il dly.
A n d t h e n , after a p a u se of ex p ect a n t silen ce--t h e cl a ss is r a t h er t h rilled b y
M y ro n's b l u n t n ess-- h e rep e a ts, lo u dly a n d severely, " No--M r. H u x ley is n ot a n ti-Se m itic.
T h e N a zis were n ot rig h t to h a te t h e J ews. B u t t h eir h a ti ng t h e J ews w as n ot wit h o u t a
c a u se. No o n e ever h a tes wit h o u t a c a u se....
" Loo k --let's lea ve t h e J ews o u t of t h is, s h a ll we? W h a tever a ttit u d e yo u t a k e, it's
i m possi ble to d isc u ss J ews ob jectively n ow a d a ys. It p rob a bly wo n't b e possib le for t h e
n ex t twe n ty ye a rs. So let's t h i n k a bo u t t h is i n ter m s of so m e ot h er m i n ority, a n y o n e yo u
li k e, b u t a s m a ll o n e--o n e t h a t is n't orga n ized a n d does n't h a ve a n y co m m ittees to
d efe n d it.... "
G eorge loo k s a t W a lly B rya n t wit h a d eep sh i n i ng loo k t h a t s a ys, I a m wit h yo u ,
little m i n ority-sister. W a lly is pl u m p a n d s a llow-fa ced , a n d t h e c a re h e t a k es to co m b h is
w a vy h a ir a n d k eep h is n ails filed a n d polis hed a n d h is eyeb rows d iscreetly p l u c k ed o n ly
m a k es h i m t h a t m u c h less a p p etizi ng. O b vio u sly h e h a s u n d erstood G eorge's loo k . H e is
e m b a r r a ssed. N ever m i n d! G eorge is goi ng to te a c h h i m a lesso n n ow t h a t h e'll n ever
forget. Is goi ng to t u r n W a lly's eyes i n to h is ti m i d so u l. Is goi ng to give h i m co u r age to
t h row a w a y h is n a il file a n d fa ce t h e tr u t h of h is life....
" Now, for ex a m ple, p eop le wit h frec k les a re n't t h o u g h t of a s a m i n ority b y t h e n o n -
frec k led . T h ey a re n't a m i n ority i n t h e se n se we're t a l k i ng a bo u t. A n d w h y a re n't t h ey?
B ec a u se a m i n ority is o n ly t h o u g h t of a s a m i n ority w h e n it co n stit u tes so m e k i n d of a
t h re a t to t h e m a jority, re a l or i m agi n a ry. A n d n o t h re a t is ever q u ite i m agi n a ry. A n yo n e
h ere d is agree wit h t h a t? If yo u do, j u st a s k yo u rself, W h a t wo u l d t h is p a rtic u la r m i n ority
do if it s u d d e n ly b ec a me t h e m a jority over n igh t? Yo u see w h a t I m e a n? Well, if yo u do n't-
-t h i n k it over!
" All rig h t. Now a lo ng co m e t h e li b er a ls--i n cl u d i ng everybod y i n t h is roo m , I tr u st--
a n d t h ey sa y, 'M i n orities a re j u st p eop le, li k e u s.' S u re, m i n orities a re p eop le--p eop le, n ot
a ngels. S u re, t h ey're li k e u s--b u t n ot ex a ctly li k e u s; t h a t's t h e a ll-too-fa milia r st a te of
li b era l h ysteri a i n w h ic h yo u b egi n to k i d yo u rself yo u h o n estly ca n n ot see a n y d iffere n ce
b etwee n a N egro a n d a Swed e.... " (W h y, oh w h y d a re n't G eorge s a y " b etwee n E stelle
O xford a n d B u d d y Sore n se n "? M a y be, if h e di d d a re, t h ere wo u l d b e a grea t a to m ic b l a st
of l a u g h ter, a n d everybod y wo u l d e m b r a ce, a n d t h e k i ngdo m of h ea ve n wo u ld begi n ,
rig h t h ere i n cla ssroo m . B u t t h e n aga i n , m a yb e it wo u ld n't.)
" So, let's fa ce it, m i n orities a re p eop le w ho p rob a bly loo k a n d a ct a n d - t h i n k
d iffere n tly fro m u s a n d h a y f a u lts we do n't h a ve. We m a y d isli k e t h e w a y t h ey loo k a n d
a ct, a n d we m a y h a te t h eir fa u lts. A n d it's better if we a d m it to d isli k i ng a n d h a ti ng t h e m
t h a n if we try to s m e a r o u r feeli ngs over wit h p se u do li b era l se n ti m e n t a lity. If we're fr a n k
a bo u t o u r feeli ngs, we h a ve a s afety v a lve; a n d if we h a ve a s afety v a lve, we're a ct u a lly
less li k ely to st a rt p ersec u ti ng. I k n ow t h a t t h eory is u nfa s h io n a ble n ow a d a ys. We a ll
k eep tryi ng to b elieve t h a t if we ig nore so m eth i ng lo ng e no u g h it'll j u st v a n is h ....
" W h ere w a s I? O h yes. Well, n ow, s u p pose t h is m i n ority does get p ersec u ted,
n ever m i n d w h y--politic al, eco n o mic, p syc h ologic al re a so n s. T h ere a lw a ys is a re a so n , n o
m a tter h ow w ro ng it is--t h a t's m y poi n t. A n d , of co u rse, p ersec u tio n itself is a lw a ys
w ro ng; I'm s u re we a ll agree t h ere. B u t t h e worst of it is, we n ow r u n i n to a n ot h er lib er a l
h eresy. B ec a u se t h e p ersec u ti ng m a jority is vile, s a ys t h e li b er al, t h erefore t h e
p ersec u ted mi n ority m u st b e st a i n lessly p u re. C a n't yo u see w h a t n o n se n se t h a t is?
W h a t's to p reve n t t h e b a d fro m b ei ng p ersec u ted b y t h e worse? D i d a ll t h e C h risti a n
victi m s i n t h e a re n a h a ve to b e sa i n ts?
" A n d I'll tell yo u so m et h i ng else. A m i n ority h a s its ow n k i n d of aggressio n . It
a b sol u tely d a res t h e m a jority to a tt a c k it. It h a tes t h e m a jority-- n ot wit h o u t a c a u se, I
gr a n t yo u . It eve n h a tes t h e ot h er m i n orities, b eca u se all m i n orities a re i n co m p etitio n :
e a c h o n e p rocla i m s t h a t its s u fferi ngs a re t h e worst a n d its w ro ngs a re t h e b l a c k est. A n d
t h e m ore t h ey a ll h a te, a n d t h e m ore t h ey're a ll p ersec u ted, t h e n a stier t h ey b eco me! D o
yo u t h i n k it m a k es p eop le n asty to b e loved? Yo u k n ow it does n't! T h e n w h y s h o u l d it
m a k e t h e m n ice to b e lo a t h ed? W h ile yo u're b ei ng p ersec u ted, yo u h a te w h a t's
h a p p e ni ng to Yo u , yo u h a te t h e p eop le w h o a re m a k i n g it h a p pe n ; yo u're i n a worl d of
h a te. W h y, yo u wo u l d n't recog n ize love if yo u m et it! Yo u'd s u sp ect love! Yo u'd t h i n k
t h ere w a s so m et h i ng b e h i n d it--so m e m otive--so m e tric k…"
B y t h is ti m e, G eorge n o lo nger k n ows w h a t h e h a s p roved or d isp roved , w h ose
si d e, if a n y, h e is a rg u i ng o n, or i n d eed j u st ex a ctly w h a t h e is t a l k i ng a bo u t. A n d yet
t h ese se n te n ces h a ve b l u rted t h e m selves o u t of h is m o u t h wit h ge n u i n e p a ssio n . H e h a s
m e a n t every o n e of t h e m , b e t h ey se n se or n o n se n se. H e h a s a d m i n istered t h e m li k e
stro k es of a la s h , to w h i p W a lly a w a k e, a n d E stelle too, a n d M y ro n , a n d a ll of t h e m . H e
w h o h a s e a rs to h e a r, let h i m h e a r.
W a lly co n ti n u es to loo k e m b a r r a ssed --b u t, n o, n eit h er w h i p p ed n or a w a k e n ed.
A n d n ow G eorge b eco m es a w a re t h a t W a lly's eyes a re n o lo nger o n h is fa ce; t h ey a re
r a ised a n d foc u sed o n a poi n t so m ew h ere b eh i n d h i m , o n t h e w a ll a bove h is h e a d . A n d
n ow, a s h e gl a n ces r a pi dly a cross t h e roo m , fa lteri ng, losi ng m o m e n t u m , G eorge sees a ll
t h e ot h er p a irs of eyes ra ised also - foc u sed o n t h a t d a m n ed cloc k . H e does n't n eed to
t u r n a n d loo k for h i m self; h e k n ows h e m u st b e r u n n i ng overti m e. B r u sq u ely h e b re a k s
off, telli ng t h e m , " We'll go o n wit h t h is o n Mo n d a y. " A n d t h ey a ll rise i n st a n tly to t h eir
feet, collecti ng t h eir boo k s, b re a k i ng i n to c h a tter.
Well, after a ll, w h a t else c a n yo u ex p ect? T h e y h a ve to h u r ry, m ost of t h e m , to get
so m ep la ce else wit h i n t h e n ex t te n m i n u tes. N evert h eless, G eorge's fe a t h ers a re r u ffled.
It's b ee n a lo ng ti m e si n ce l a st h e forgot a n d let h i m self get U p ste a m li k e t h is, rig h t a t
t h e e n d of a p eriod . H ow h u m ili a ti ng! T h e silly e n t h u si a stic old p rof, ra m b li ng o n ,
d isrega r d i ng t h e cloc k , a n d t h e cla ss sig h i ng to itself, H e's off aga i n! J u st for a m o m e n t,
G eorge h a tes t h e m , h a tes t h eir b r u te b a sic i n d iffere n ce, a s t h ey d r a i n q u ic k ly o u t of t h e
roo m . O n ce agai n , t h e d i a m o n d h a s b ee n offered p u b licly for a n ic k el, a n d t h ey h a ve
t u r n ed fro m it wit h a s h r u g a n d a gri n, t h i n k i ng t h e ol d p ed d ler cra zy.
So h e s m iles wit h a n ex tr a b e n evole n ce o n th ose w h o h a ve li ngered b e h i n d to a s k
h i m q u estio n s. Sister M a ri a m erely w a n ts to k n ow if G eorge, w h e n h e sets t h e fi n a l
ex a m i n a tio n, will req u ire t h e m to h a ve rea d a ll of t h ose boo k s w h ic h M r. H u x ley
m e n tio n s i n t h is n ovel. G eorge t h i n k s, H ow a m u si ng to tell h er, yes, i n cl u d i ng T h e D a ys
of Sodo m . B u t h e does n't, of co u rse. H e rea ss u res h er a n d s h e goes a w a y h a p py, h er
a c a d e m ic lo a d t h a t m u c h lig h ter.
A n d t h e n B u d d y Sore n se n m erely w a n ts to ex c u se h i m self. "I'm sor ry, sir. I di d n't
re a d t h e H u xley ca u se I t h o u g h t yo u'd b e goi ng t h ro u g h it wit h first. " Is t h is s h eer i diocy
or sly n ess? G eorge c a n't b e bot h ered to fi n d o u t. " B a n t h e B o m b!" h e s a ys, st a ri ng a t
B u d d y's b u tto n ; a n d B u d d y, to w h o m h e h a s a i d t h is b efore, gri n s h a p p ily. "Yes, sir, yo u
b et!"
M rs. N ett a Tor res w a n ts to k n ow if M r. H u x ley h a il a n a ct u a l E nglis h vill age i n
m i n d a s t h e origi n a l of h is G o n ister. G eorge is u n a b le to a n swer t h is. H e c a n o n ly tell
M rs. Tor res t h a t, i n t h e l a st c h a p ter, w h e n O b ispo a n d Stoy te a n d V irgi n i a a re i n se a rc h
of t h e fift h E a rl, t h ey a p p ea r to b e d rivi ng o u t of Lo n do n i n a so u t h westerly directio n . So,
m ost li k ely, G o n ister is s u p posed to b e so m ew h ere i n H a m ps h ire or S u ssex.... B u t n ow it
b eco m es cle a r t h a t M rs. Tor res' q u estio n h a s b ee n a p retex t, m erely. S h e h a s b ro u g h t u p
t h e s u b ject of E ngl a n d i n ord er to tell h i m t h a t s h e sp e n t t h ree u nforgett a b le wee k s
t h ere, te n ye a rs ago. O n ly m ost of it w a s i n Scotl a n d , a n d t h e rest a ll i n Lo n do n .
" W h e n ever yo u're sp e a k i ng to u s, " s h e tells G eorge, a s h er eyes ferve n tly p rob e h is fa ce,
"I k eep re m e m b eri ng t h a t b e a u tif u l a cce n t. It's li k e m u sic. " (G eorge is stro ngly te m p ted
to a s k h er j u st w h ic h a cce n t s h e h a s i n m i n d . C a n it b e Coc k n ey or G orb a ls?) A n d n ow
M rs. Tor res w a n ts to k n ow t h e n a m e of h is b irt h p l a ce, a n d h e tells h er, a n d s h e h a s
n ever h e a r d of it. H e t a k es a d va n t age of h er m o m e n t a ry fr u str a tio n to b re a k off t h eir
tete-a -tete.

A G AI N G eorge's office co m es i n u sef u l; h e goes i n to it to esc a p e fro m M rs. Tor res. H e

fi n d s D r. G ottlieb t h ere.
G ottlieb is all ex cited b ec a u se h e h a s j u st received fro m E ngl a n d a n ew boo k
a bo u t F r a n cis Q u a rles, w ritte n b y a n O xfor d do n . G ottlieb p rob a b ly k n ows every b it a s
m u c h a bo u t Q u a rles a s t h e do n does. B u t O xfor d, toweri ng u p i n a ll its m a jesty b e h i n d
t h is do n , its c h ild , u tterly over a wes poor little G ottlieb, w h o w a s bor n i n o n e of t h e w ro ng
p a rts of C h ic ago. "It m a k es yo u re a lize, " h e s a ys, " t h e b a c kgro u n d yo u n eed, to do a job
li k e t h is. " A n d G eorge feels sa d d e n ed a n d d ep ressed , b eca u se G ottlieb ob vio u sly wis h es,
a bove a ll else i n life, t h a t h e co u l d t u r n h i m self i n to t h a t m iser a b le do n a n d le a r n to
w rite h is sp itef u l-pl a yf u l, tig h t-a ssed vi n ega r p rose.
H a vi ng h eld t h e boo k i n h is h a n d s for a m o m e n t a n d t u r n ed its p ages wit h
a p p rop ria te resp ect, G eorge d ecid es t h a t h e n eed s so m et h i ng to e a t. As h e step s o u t of
t h e b u il d i ng, t h e first p eople h e recog n izes a re K e n n y Potter a n d Lois Ya m ag u c h i. T h ey
a re sitti ng o n t h e gr a ss u n d er o n e of t h e n ewly pl a n ted trees. T h eir tree is eve n s m a ller
t h a n t h e ot h ers. It h a s b a rely a doze n le a ves o n it. To sit u n d er it a t a ll see m s ri dic u lo u s;
p er h a ps t h is is j u st w h y K e n n y c h ose it. H e a n d Lois loo k a s t h o u g h t h ey were c h il d re n
p l a yi ng a t b ei ng str a n d ed o n a So u t h P a cific a toll. T h i n k i ng t h is, G eorge s m iles a t t h e m .
T h ey s m ile b a c k , a n d t h e n Lois st a rts to l a u gh , i n h er d a i n ty-s h a m efa ced J a p a n ese w a y.
G eorge p asses q u ite close b y t h eir a toll a s a ste a m s h ip m ig h t, wit h o u t stop p i ng. Lois
see m s to k n ow w h a t h e c a ric a t u res; I m ea n, yo u see m to see w h a t e a c h o n e is a bo u t,
a n d it's very cr u d e a n d si m p lified . O n e's a bs u r d ly v ai n , a n d a n ot h er is liter a lly wor ryi ng
h i m self sic k , a n d a n ot h er is lo ngi ng to p ic k a fig h t. A n d t h e n yo u see a very few w h o a re
si m p ly b e a u tif u l, j u st b ec a u se t h ey a re n't a n x io u s or aggressive a bo u t a n y t h i ng; t h ey're
t a k i ng life a s it co m es.... O h , a n d every t h i ng b eco m es m ore a n d more t h ree-d i m e n sio n a l:
C u rt a i n s get h e a vy a n d sc u lp t u red -loo k i ng, a n d wood is very gr ai n y. A n d flowers a n d
p l a n ts a re q u ite ob vio u sly a live. I re m e m b er a pot of violets--t h ey were n't m ovi ng, b u t
yo u k n ew t h ey co u ld m ove. E a c h o n e w a s li k e a s n a k e rea red u p m otio n less o n its
coils.... A n d t h e n , w h ile t h e t h i ng is wor k i ng f u ll stre ngt h , it's a s if t h e w a lls of t h e roo m
a n d every t h i ng a ro u n d yo u were b re a t h i ng, a n d t h e gr a i n i n wood wor k b egi n s to flow, a s
t h o u g h it were a liq u id . •.. A n d t h e n it all slowly d ies dow n aga i n , b ac k to n or m a l. Yo u
do n't h a ve a n y h a ngover. After w a r ds I felt fi ne. I a te a h u ge s u p per. "
"Yo u d i d n't t a k e it aga i n after t h a t?"
" No. I fo u n d I di d n't w a n t to, p a rtic u l a rly. It w a s j u st a n ex p erie n ce I'd h a d . I ga ve
t h e rest of t h e c a p s u les to frie n d s. O n e of t h e m s a w p retty m u c h w h a t I s a w, a n d
a n ot h er d i d n't see a n y t h i ng. A n d o n e tol d m e s h e'd n ever b ee n so sca red i n h er w h ole
life. B u t I s u sp ect s h e w as o n ly b ei ng polite. Li k e t h a n k i ng for a p a rty--"
"Yo u do n't h a ve a n y of t h ose ca ps u les left n ow, do yo u , sir?"
" No, K e n n y, I do n ot! A n d eve n if I h a d, I wo u l d n't d istrib u te t h e m a m o ng t h e
st u d e n t bod y. I c a n t h i n k of m u c h m ore a m u si ng w a ys to get m yself t h row n o u t of t h is
p l a ce. "
K e n n y gri n s. " Sor ry, sir. I w a s o n ly wo n d eri ng.... I g u ess, if I re a lly w a n ted t h e
st u ff, I co u l d get it a ll rig h t. Yo u c a n get m ost a n y t h i ng of t h a t k i n d, rig h t h ere o n
c a m p u s. T h is frie n d of Lois's got it h ere. H e cl a i m s, w h e n h e too k it, h e sa w G od . "
" Well, m a yb e h e d id . M a y b e I j u st d i d n't t a k e e n o u g h . " is, for s h e w a ves ga ily to
h i m ex a ctly a s o n e w a ves to a ste a m s h ip , wit h a n e n c h a n ti ngly d elic a te gest u re of h er
ti n y w rist a n d h a n d . K e n n y w aves a lso, b u t it is do u b tf u l if h e k n ows; h e is o n ly
followi ng Lois's ex a m p le. A n y h ow, t h eir w a vi ng c h a r m s G eo rge's h e a rt. H e w a ves b a c k to
t h e m . T h e ol d ste a m s h ip a n d t h e yo u ng ca st a w a ys h a ve ex c h a nged sig n a ls--b u t n ot
sig n a ls for h el p . T h ey resp ect e a c h ot h er's p riv a cy. T h ey h a ve n o d esire for i n volve m e n t.
T h ey si m p ly wis h e a c h ot h er well. Aga i n , a s b y t h e te n n is p l a yers, G eorge feels t h a t h is
d a y h a s b ee n b rig h te n ed; b u t, t h is ti m e, t h e e m otio n is n't i n t h e le a st d ist u r b i ng. It is
p e a cef u l, ra di a n t. G eorge ste a m s o n tow a rd t h e c afeteri a , s m ili ng to h i m self, n ot eve n
w a n ti ng to loo k b a c k .
B u t t h e n h e h e a rs " Sir!" rig h t b e h i n d h i m , a n d h e t u r n s a n d it's Ke n n y. K e n n y h a s
co m e r u n n i ng u p sile n tly i n h is s n ea k ers. G eorge s u p poses h e will as k so m e sp ecific
q u estio n s u c h as w h a t boo k a re t h ey goi ng to re a d n ex t i n cl a ss, a n d t h e n lea ve aga i n .
B u t n o, K e n n y d rops i n to step b esi d e h i m, rem a r k i ng i n a m a tter-of-fa ct voice, "I h a ve to
go dow n to t h e boo k s h op. " H e does n't a s k if G eorge is goi ng to t h e boo k s h op a n d G eorge
does n't tell h i m t h a t h e h a s n't b ee n p la n n i ng to.
" D i d yo u ever t a k e m esca li n e, sir?"
"Yes, o n ce. I n N e w Yor k . T h a t w a s a bo u t eig h t yea rs ago. T h ere were n't a n y
reg u l a tio n s aga i n st selli ng it t h e n . I j u st we n t i n to a d r u gstore a n d or d ered so m e. T h ey'd
n ever h e a r d of it, b u t t h ey got it for m e i n a few d a ys. "
" A n d d id it m a k e yo u see t h i ngs--li k e m ystical visio n s a n d st u ff?"
" No. Not w h a t yo u co u l d ca ll visio n s. A t first I felt se a sic k . Not b a dly. A n d sca red a
b it, of co u rse. Li k e D r. J e k yll m ig h t h a ve felt after h e'd t a k e n h is d r u g for t h e first ti m e.
A n d t h e n cert a i n colors b ega n to get very b rig h t a n d st a n d o u t. Yo u co u l d n't t h i n k w h y
every bod y d i d n't n otice t h e m . I re m e m b er a wo m a n's red p u rse lyi ng o n a t a b le i n a
rest a u r a n t--it w a s li k e a p u b lic sc a n d a l! A n d p eop le's fa ces t u r n i n to K e n n y loo k s dow n
a t G eorge. H e see m s a m u sed . "Yo u k n ow som et h i ng, sir? I b et, eve n if yo u h a d see n G od ,
yo u wo u ld n't tell u s. "
" W h a t m a k es yo u sa y t h a t?"
"It's w h a t Lois s a ys. S h e t h i n k s yo u're--well, k i n d of c agey. Li k e t h is m or n i ng,
w h e n yo u were liste n i ng to all t h a t cr a p we were t a l k i ng a bo u t H u x ley--"
"I d i d n't n otice yo u doi ng m u c h t a l k i ng. I do n't t h i n k yo u op e n ed yo u r m o u t h
o n ce. "
"I w a s w a tc h i ng yo u . No k id di ng, I t h i n k Lois is rig h t! Yo u let u s r a m ble o n , a n d
t h e n yo u str a ig h te n u s o u t, a n d I'm n ot s a yi ng yo u do n't te a c h u s a lot of i n teresti ng
st u ff--yo u do--b u t yo u n ever tell u s a ll yo u k n ow a bo u t so m et h i ng.... "
G eorge feels fla ttered a n d ex cited . K e n n y h a s n ever t a l k ed to h i m li k e t h is b efore.
H e c a n't resist slip pi ng i n to t h e role K e n n y so te m p ti ngly offers h i m .
" Well-- m a y b e t h a t's tr u e, u p to a poi n t. Yo u see, K e n n y, t h ere a re so m e t h i ngs yo u
do n't eve n k n ow yo u k n ow, u n til yo u're a s k ed . "
T h ey h a ve re a c h ed t h e te n n is co u rts. T h e co u rts a re a ll i n u se n ow, dotted wit h
m ovi ng fig u res. B u t G eorge, wit h t h e liz a r d -q u ic k gla n ce of a veter a n a d dict, h a s a lrea dy
n oted t h a t t h e m or n i ng's p a ir h a s left a n d t h a t n o n e of t h ese p l a yers is p h ysic ally
a ttr a ctive. O n t h e n e a rest co u rt, a fa t, m id d le-aged fa c u lty m e m ber is pl a yi ng to wor k u p
a swea t, aga i n st a girl wit h h a ir o n h er legs.
" So m eo n e h a s to a s k yo u a q u estio n, " G eorge co n ti n u es m e a n i ngly, " b efore yo u
c a n a n swer it. B u t it's so seldo m yo u fi n d a n yo n e w h o'll a s k t h e rig h t q u estio n s. Most
p eop le a re n't t h a t m u c h i n terested .... "
K e n n y is sile n t. Is h e t h i n k i ng t h is over? Is he goi ng to a s k G eorge so m et h i ng rig h t
n ow? G eorge's p u lse q u ic k e n s wit h a n ticip a tio n .
"It's n ot t h a t I w a n t to b e c agey, " h e s a ys, k eep i ng h is eyes o n t h e gro u n d a n d
m a k i ng t h is a s i m p erso n a l a s h e c a n . "Yo u k n ow, K e n n y, so ofte n I feel I w a n t to tell
t h i ngs, d isc u ss t h i ngs, a b sol u tely fr a n k ly. I do n't m e a n i n cla ss, of co u rse--t h a t wo u l d n't
wor k . So m eo n e wo u ld b e s u re to m is u n derst a n d .... "
Sile n ce. G eorge gla n ces q u ic k ly u p a t K e n n y a n d sees t h a t h e's loo k i ng, t h o u g h
wit h o u t a n y a p p a re n t i n terest, a t t h e h irs u te girl. Per h a p s h e h a s n't eve n b ee n liste n i ng.
It's i m possib le to tell.
" M a y b e t h is frie n d of Lois's di d n't see G od, after a ll, " sa ys K e n n y a b r u p tly. "I
m e a n , h e m ig h t h a ve b ee n k i d d i ng h i m self. I m e a n , n ot too lo ng after h e too k t h e st u ff,
h e h a d a b rea k dow n . H e w a s loc k ed u p for t h ree m o n t h s i n a n i n stit u tio n . H e tol d Lois
t h a t w h ile h e w a s h a vi ng t h is b re a k dow n he t u r n ed i n to a d evil a n d h e co u ld p u t o u t
st a rs. I'm n ot k i d di ng! H e s ai d h e co u ld p u t o u t seve n of t h e m a t a ti m e. H e w a s sc a red
of t h e police, t h o u g h . H e sa id t h e police h a d a m a c h i n e for c a tc h i ng devils a n d
liq u id a ti ng t h e m . It w a s c a lled a Mo- m a c h i n e. Mo, t h a t's O m --yo u k n ow, sir, t h a t I n d i a n
wor d for G od --sp elled b ac k w a r d s. "
"If t h e police liq u id a ted devils, t h a t wo u l d m e a n t h ey were a ngels, wo u ld n't it?
Well, t h a t cert a i n ly m a k es se n se. A p la ce w here t h e police a re a ngels h a s to b e a n i n s a n e
a syl u m . "
K e n n y is still l a ug h i ng lo u d ly a t t h is w h e n th ey re a c h t h e boo k s h op . H e w a n ts to
b u y a pe n cil s h a rp e n er. T h ey h a ve t h e m i n p l a stic covers, red or gree n or b l u e or yellow.
K e n n y t a k es a red o n e.
" W h a t w a s it yo u w a n ted to get, sir?"
" Well, n ot h i ng, a ct u a lly. "
"Yo u m e a n , yo u w a l k ed a ll t h e w a y dow n h ere j u st to k eep m e co m p a n y?"
" S u re. W h y n ot?"
K e n n y see m s si n cerely s u r p rised a n d ple a sed . " Well, I t h i n k yo u d eserve
so m et h i ng for t h a t! H ere, sir, t a k e o n e of t h ese. It's o n m e. "
" O h , b u t--well, t h a n k yo u!" G eorge is act u a lly bl u s h i ng a little. It's a s if h e h a s
b ee n offered a rose. H e c h ooses a yellow s h a rp e n er.
 K e n n y gri n s. "I k i n d of ex p ected yo u'd p ic k b l u e. "
" W h y?"
"Is n't b l u e s u p posed to b e sp irit u a l?"
" W h a t m a k es yo u t h i n k I w a n t to b e sp irit u a l? A n d h ow co m e yo u p ic k ed red?"
" W h a t's red st a n d for?"
" R age a n d l u st. "
" No k id di ng?"
T h ey re m a i n sile n t, gri n n i ng a l m ost i n ti m a tely. G eorge feels t h a t, eve n if a ll t h is
do u blet a l k h a s n't b ro u g h t t h e m a n y closer to u n d erst a n di ng ea c h ot h er, t h e n ot-
u n d erst a n d i ng, t h e rea d i n ess to re m ai n a t cross-p u r poses, is i n itself a k i n d of i n ti m acy.
T h e n K e n n y p a ys for t h e p e n cil s h a r p e n ers a n d w a ves h is h a n d wit h a gest u re w h ic h
i m p lies ca s u a l, u n d efere n ti a l d is miss al. "I'll see yo u a ro u n d. "
H e strolls a w a y. G eorge li ngers o n i n t h e boo k s h op for a few m i n u tes, lest h e
s h o u l d see m to b e followi ng h i m .

I F e a ti ng is rega r d ed a s a s a cr a me n t, t h e n t h e fa c u lty d i n i ng roo m m u st b e co m p a red to

t h e b le a k est a n d b a rest of Q u a k er m eeti ng h o u ses. No co n cessio n h ere to t h e rit u a lis m of
food served s n u gly a n d a p p etizi ngly i n toget h er n ess. T h is roo m is a n a n ti-rest a u r a n t. It
is m u c h too cle a n , wit h its c h ro m i u m -a n d -pl a stic t a b les; m u c h too ti d y, wit h its b row n
m et a l w a steb a s k ets for soiled p a p er n a p k i ns a n d u sed p a p er c u p s; a n d , i n co n tr a st to
t h e v a st h u m a n r a ttle of t h e st u d e n ts' d i n i ng roo m , m u c h too q u iet. Its q u iet n ess is
listless, e m b a r ra ssed , self-co n scio u s. A n d t h e roo m is n't eve n m a d e ve n er a ble or a t lea st
for m i d a ble, li k e a n O xford or C a m b ridge h igh t a b le, by t h e age of its occ u p a n ts. Most of
t h ese p eop le a re rel a tively yo u ng; G eorge is on e of t h e el d est.
C h rist, it is s a d , sa d to see o n q u ite a few of t h ese fa ces--yo u ng o n es p a rtic u la rly--
a gl u m , d efe a ted loo k . W h y do t h ey feel t h is w a y a bo u t t h eir lives? S u re, t h ey a re
u n d er p a id . S u re, t h ey h a ve n o gre a t p rospects, i n t h e co m m erci a l se n se. S u re, t h ey c a n't
e n joy t h e b liss of m i ngli ng wit h cor por a tio n ex ec u tives. B u t is n't it a n y co n sol a tio n to b e
wit h st u d e n ts w h o a re still t h ree-q u a rters alive? Is n't it so m e ti n y s a tisfa ctio n to b e of
u se, i n ste a d of h elp i ng to t u r n o u t u seless co n s u m er good s? Is n't it so m et h i ng to k n ow
t h a t yo u b elo ng to o n e of t h e few p rofessio n s i n t h is co u n try w h ic h is n't h op elessly
cor r u p t?
F or t h ese gl u m o n es, a p p a re n tly n ot. T h ey wo u l d li k e o u t, if t h ey d a red try. B u t
t h ey h a ve p rep a red t h e m selves for t h is job , a n d n ow t h ey h a ve got to go t h ro u g h wit h it.
T h ey h a ve w a sted t h e ti m e i n w h ic h t h ey s h o u l d h a ve b ee n le a r n i ng to c h e a t a n d gr a b
a n d lie. T h ey h a ve c u t t h e m selves off fro m t h e m a jority--t h e m i d d le me n , t h e h u c k sters,
t h e p ro m oters--b y l a borio u sly a cq u iri ng a ll t h is d ry, d iscred ited k n owledge--discred ited,
t h a t is to s a y, b y t h e m i d d le m a n , bec a u se h e c a n get a lo ng wit h o u t it. All t h e m i d d le m a n
w a n ts a re its p rod u cts, its p r actic a l a p p lic a tio n s. T h ese p rofessors a re s u c k ers, h e s a ys.
W h a t's t h e u se of k n owi ng so m et h i ng if yo u do n't m a k e m o n ey o u t of it? A n t t h e gl u m
o n es m ore t h a n h a lf agree wit h h i m a n d fee p riv a tely as h a m ed of n ot b ei ng s m a rt a n d
croo k ed .
G eorge goes t h ro u g h i n to t h e servi ng roo m . O n t h e co u n ter a re ste a m i ng
c a sseroles fro m w h ic h t h e w a itresses d is h yo u o u t stew, veget a b les or so u p. O r yo u c a n
h a ve s a la d or fr u it p ie or a str a nge d ea d ly-loo k i ng jelly w h ic h is se m itr a n sp a re n t, wit h
vei n s of b rilli a n t gree n . G a zi ng a t o n e of t h ese jellies wit h a k i n d of u n willi ng fa sci n a tio n ,
a s t h o u g h it were so m et h i ng b e h i n d gl a ss i n a rep tile h o u se, is G ra n t Lefa n u , t h e yo u ng
p h ysics p rofessor w h o w rites p oetry. G r a n t is t h e very op posite of gl u m , a n d h e co u ld n't
b e less d e-fe a ted; G eorge r a t h er loves h i m . H e is s m a ll a n d t h i n , a n d h as gla sses a n d
l a rge teet h a n d t h e m a d d is h s m ile of ge n u i n e i n tellect u a l p a ssio n. Yo u c a n e a sily
i m agi n e h i m as o n e of t h e ter rorists b a c k i n C z a rist R u ssi a a h u n d red ye a rs ago. G ive n
t h e op port u n ity, h e wo u l d b e t h a t k i n d of fa n a tic h ero w h o follows a n id e a, wit h o u t t h e
le a st h esit a tio n a n d a s a m a tter of co u rse, str a ig h t t h ro u g h to its ex p ressio n i n a ctio n .
T h e t a l k of p a le, b u r n i ng-eyed st u d e n ts, a n a rc h ists a n d u top i a n s a ll, over te a a n d
ciga rettes i n a loc k ed roo m lo ng p a st m i d nig h t, is n ex t m or n i ng tr a n sl a ted , wit h t h e
liter a l n ess of u tter i n n oce n ce, i n to t h e t h row i ng of t h e bo m b , t h e s h o u ti ng of t h e p ro u d
sloga n, t h e d raggi ng a w a y of t h e yo u ng d re a m er-doer, still s mili ng, to t h e d u ngeo n a n d
t h e firi ng sq u a d . O n G r a n t's fa ce yo u ofte n see s u c h a s m ile--of e m b a r r a ss m e n t, a l m ost,
a t h a vi ng h a d to ex p ress h is me a n i ng so cr u dely. H e is li k e a s h y m u m b ler w ho s u d d e n ly
i n d esp er a tio n sp ea k s m u c h too lo u d .
As a m a tter of fa ct, G r a n t h a s rece n tly p erfor m ed a t le a st o n e a ct of m i n or
h erois m . H e h a s a p p e a red i n co u rt a s a defen se wit n ess for a boo k seller ca u g h t p ed dli ng
so m e gr a n d ol d sex cl assic of t h e twe n ties; it u sed to b e ob t a i n a b le o n ly i n t h e l a n d s of
t h e L a ti n s, b u t n ow, t h ro u g h a series of test c a ses, it is fig h ti ng for its rig h t to b e
d evo u red b y A m eric a n yo u t h . (G eorge ca n't b e a b sol u tely s u re if t h is is t h e s a m e boo k h e
h i m self re a d a s a yo u ng m a n , d u ri ng a tri p to Pa ris. A t a ll eve n ts, h e re m e m bers
t h rowi ng t h is, or so m e ot h er h oo k j u st li k e it, i n to t h e w a steb a s k et, i n t h e m i d d le of t h e
b ig screwi ng sce n e. Not t h a t o n e is n't b ro a d m i n d ed, of co u rse; let t h e m w rite a bo u t
h eterosex u a lity if t h ey m u st, a n d let everyo n e re a d it w h o c a res to. J u st t h e s a m e, it is a
d e a d ly bore a n d , to b e fr a n k , a wee b it d ist astef u l. W h y c a n't t h ese mod er n w riters stic k
to t h e ol d si m p le w h oleso m e t h e m es--s u c h a s, for ex a m p le, boys?)
G r a n t Lefa n u's h erois m o n t h is occ a sio n con sisted i n h is d efe n se of t h e boo k a t
t h e ris k of h is a ca de m ic n ec k . F or a very i m port a n t a n d se n ior m e m b er of t h e S TS C
fa c u lty h a d p revio u sly a p p ea red a s a wit n ess for t h e p rosec u tio n a n d h a d g u a r a n teed t h e
boo k d irty, d ege n er a te a n d d a ngero u s. W h en G r a n t w a s ca lled to t h e st a n d a n d cross-
ex a m i n ed b y t h e p rosec u ti ng a ttor n ey, h e begged, wit h h is s h y s m ile, to d iffer fro m h is
colleag u e. A t le ngt h , after so m e n eed li ng a n d after h a vi ng b ee n c a u tio n ed t h ree ti m es to
sp e a k u p , h e b l u rted o u t a st a te m e n t to t h e effect t h a t it w a s n't t h e boo k , b u t its
a tt a c k ers, w h o d eserved t h e t h ree a d jectives. To m a k e m a tters worse, o n e of t h e loca l
li b era l col u m n ists gleef u lly reported a ll of th is, c a sti ng t h e se n ior fa c u lty m e m b er a s a
re a ctio n a ry ol d a ss a n d G r a n t a s a b rig h t yo u ng u p h ol d er of civil lib erty, a n d twisti ng h is
testi m o n y i n to a p erso n a l i n s u lt. So n ow t h e q u estio n is, Will G r a n t get h is te n u re
p rolo nged a t t h e e n d of t h e a c a d e m ic yea r?
G r a n t tre a ts G eorge a s a fellow s u bverter, a co m p li m e n t w h ic h G eorge h a r dly
d eserves, si n ce, wit h h is se n iority, h is lice n se to p la y t h e B ritis h ecce n tric, a n d, i n t h e
l a st resort, h is little p riv a te i n co m e, h e c a n afford to s a y p retty m u c h a n y t h i ng h e li k es
o n c a m p u s. W h erea s poor G ra n t h a s n o p riv a te i n co m e, a wife a n d t h ree i m p r u d e n tly
b egotte n c h ild re n .
" W h a t's n ew?" G eorge a s k s h i m, i m p lyi ng, W h a t h a s t h e E n e m y b ee n u p to?
"Yo u k n ow t h ose co u rses for police st u d e n ts? Tod a a sp ecia l m a n fro m
W a s h i ngto n is a d d ressi ng t h e m o n twe n ty w a ys to spot a C o m m ie. "
"Yo u're k i d d i ng!"
" W a n t to go? We m ig h t a s k h i m so m e a w k w a r d q u estio n s. "
" W h a t ti m e is it?"
" F o u r-t h irty. "
" C a n't. I've got to be dow n tow n i n a n h o u r. "
" Too b a d . "
" Too b a d, " G eorge agrees, relieved . H e is n't a b sol u tely s u re if t h is w a s a bo n a fid e
d a re or n ot, h owever. V a rio u s ot h er ti m es, i n t h e s a m e h a lf-serio u s to n e, G r a n t h as
s u ggested t h a t t h ey go a n d h ec k le a J o h n B irc h Society m eeti ng, s mo k e pot i n W a tts
wit h t h e b est u n k n ow n poet i n A m eric a, meet so m eo n e h ig h u p i n t h e B l ac k M u sli m
m ove m e n t. G eorge does n't serio u sly s u sp ect G r a n t of t ryi ng to test h i m . No do u b t G ra n t
re a lly does do s u c h t h i ngs n ow a n d t h e n , a n d it si m ply does n ot occ u r to h i m t h a t
G eorge m ig h t b e sca red. H e p rob a b ly t h i n k s G eorge ex c u ses h i m self fro m t h ese o u ti ngs
for fea r of b ei ng bored .
 As t h ey m ove dow n t h e co u n ter, e n d i ng u p wit h o n ly coffee a n d s a la d -- G eorge
w a tc h es h is weig h t a n d G r a n t h a s a n a p p etite a s sle n d er a s h is b u il d -- G r a n t tells a bo u t
a m a n h e k n ows w h o h a s b ee n t a l k i ng to so m e ex perts a t a b ig fir m w h ic h m a k es
co m p u ters. T h ese ex p erts s a y t h a t it doesn't re a lly m a tter if t h ere's a w a r, b ec a u se
e n o u g h p eop le will s u rvive to r u n t h e co u n try wit h . O f co u rse, t h e people w ho s u rvive
will te n d to b e t h ose wit h m o n ey a n d i nfl u en ce, b eca u se t h ey'll h a ve t h e b etter ty p e of
s h elter, n ot t h e le a k y d ea t h tr a p s w h ic h a lot of croo k s h ave b ee n offeri ng a t b a rgai n
p rices. W h e n yo u get yo u r s h elter b u ilt, sa y t h e ex p erts, yo u s h o u ld go to a t le a st t h ree
d iffere n t co n tr a ctors, so n obod y will k n ow w h a t it is yo u're b u il d i ng; b eca u se if t h e wor d
gets a ro u n d t h a t yo u h a ve a b etter ty p e s h elter, yo u'll be m ob b ed a t t h e first e m erge n cy.
F or t h e s a m e re a so n , yo u o u g h t to b e re a listic a n d b u y a s u b m a c h i n e g u n . T h is is n o
ti m e for fa lse se n ti m e n t.
G eorge la u g h s i n a n a p p rop ri a tely sa r do n ic m a n n er, si n ce t h is is w h a t G r a n t
ex p ects of h i m . B u t t h is ga llows h u m or sic k e n s h is h e a rt. I n a ll t h ose old crises if t h e
twe n ties, t h e t h irties, t h e w a r--e a c h o n e of t h e m h a s left its t r a ces u po n G eorge, li k e a n
ill n ess--w h a t w as ter ri b le w as t h e fea r of a n n i h il a tio n . Now we h a ve wit h u s a fa r m ore
ter ri b le fea r, t h e fea r of s u rviv al. S u rviva l i n to a R u b ble Age, i n w h ic h it will b e q u ite
n a t u r a l for M r. Str u n k to g u n dow n G r a n t a n d h is wife a n d t h ree c h il d re n , b ec a u se
G r a n t h a s n eglected to l a y i n s ufficie n t stores of food a n d t h ey a re st a rvi ng a n d m a y
t h erefore possib ly b eco m e d a ngero u s a n d t h is is n o ti m e for se n ti m e n t.
" T h ere's C y n t h i a , " G r a n t s a ys, a s t h ey re-e n ter t h e d i n i ng roo m . " W a n t to joi n
h er?"
" D o we h a ve to?"
"I g u ess so. " G ra n t giggles n ervo u sly. " S h e's see n u s. "
A n d , i n d eed , C y n t h i a Le a c h is w a vi ng to t h e m . S h e is a h a n d so m e yo u ng N ew
Yor k er, S a ra h L a w re n ce-tr a i n ed, t h e d a u g h ter of a ric h fa m ily. M a yb e it w a s p a rtly to
a n n oy t h e m t h a t s h e rece n tly m a r ried Lea c h , w h o te a c h es h istory h ere. B u t t h eir
m a r ri age see m s to wor k q u ite well. T h o u g h A n d y is sli m a n d w h ite-s k i n n ed, h e is n o
we a k li ng; h is d a r k eyes sp a r k le sex ily a n d he h a s t h e u n aggressive lit h e n ess of o n e w h o
t a k es a grea t d e al of exercise i n b ed. H e is so m ew h a t o u t of h is le ag u e socia lly, b u t n o
do u b t h e e n joys t h e ex tr a effort req u ired to k eep u p wit h C y n t h i a . T h ey give p a rties to
w h ic h everyo n e co mes b ec a u se t h e food a n d d ri n k a re l avis h , t h a n k s to C y n t h i a's
m o n ey, a n d A n dy is pop u l a r a n y h ow, a n d C y n t h i a is n't t h a t b a d . H er o n ly tro u b le is t h a t
s h e t h i n k s of h erself a s a n E a ster n a ristocr a t sl u m m i ng; s h e tries to b e p a trici a n a n d is
m erely p a tro n izi ng.
" A n d y stood m e u p , " C y n t h i a tells t h e m . " Ta l k to m e. " T h e n , a s t h ey sit dow n a t
h er t a b le, s h e t u r n s to G ra n t. "Yo u r wife's n ever goi ng to forgive m e. "
" O h?" G r a n t l a u g h s wit h q u ite ex tr a or d i n a ry viole n ce.
" S h e d i d n't tell yo u a bo u t it?"
" Not a word!"
" S h e d i d n't?" C y n t h i a is d is a p poi n ted. T h e n s h e b rig h te n s. " O h , b u t s h e m u st b e
m a d a t m e! I w a s telli ng h er h ow h id eo u sly t h ey d ress t h e c h ild re n h ere. "
" B u t s h e agreed wit h yo u , I'm s u re. S h e's a lw a ys t a l k i ng a bo u t it. "
" T h ey're b ei ng c h e a ted o u t of t h eir c h il d h ood , " C y n t h i a s a ys, ig n ori ng t h is,
" T h ey're b ei ng t u r n ed i n to j u n ior co n s u m ers! All t h ose d rea df u l d a i n ty little cre a -t u res,
we a ri ng li p stic k! I w a s dow n i n M ex ico l ast m o n t h . It w a s li k e a b re a t h of fres h air. O h , I
c a n't tell yo u! T h eir c h il d re n a re so re al. No a n xiety. No ot h er-d irectio n . T h ey j u st
b loo m . "
" T h e o n ly q u estio n is-- " G r a n t b egi n s. O b vio u sly b e is st a rti ng n ot to agree wit h
C y n t h i a . F or t h is very re a so n , h e m u m b les, h e c a n b a rely be h e a rd . C y n t h i a c h ooses n ot
to h e a r h i m .
" A n d t h e n t h a t n ig h t we c a m e b a c k a cross t h e bor d er! S h a ll I ever forget it? I s a id
to m yself, E it h er t h ese p eople a re i n s a n e or I a m . T h ey a ll see m ed to b e r u n n i ng, t h e w a y
t h ey do i n t h e ol d sile n t n ewsreels. A n d t h e h ostess i n t h e rest a u r a n t --it h a d n ever
str u c k m e b efore h ow tr u ly si n ister it is to c a ll t h e m t h a t. T h e w a y s h e s m iled a t u s! A n d
t h ose e n or m o u s m e n u s, wit h n ot h i ng o n t h e m t h a t w a s rea lly ed i ble. A n d t h ose weir d
zo m b ie b u sboys, b ri ngi ng n ot h i ng b u t gl a sses of w a ter a n d si m p ly ref u si ng to sp ea k to
yo u! I j u st co u ld n ot b elieve m y ow n eyes. O h , a n d t h e n we st a yed t h e n ig h t a t o n e of
t h ese g h a stly n ew m otels. I h a d t h e feeli ng t h a t it h a d o n ly j u st b ee n b ro ug h t fro m
so m ep la ce else, so m e fa ctory, a n d set u p ex a ctly o n e m i n u te b efore we a r rived. It d id n't
b elo ng a n y w h ere. I m e a n --after all t h ose m a rvelo u s ol d hotels i n M exico--e a c h o n e of
t h e m is re a lly a pl a ce--b u t t h is w a s j u st u tterly u n re a l--"
Aga i n , G ra n t see m s a bo u t to a tte m p t so m e k i n d of a p rotest. B u t t h is ti m e h is
m u m b li ng is still lower. E ve n G eorge ca n't u n d erst a n d h i m . G eorge t a k es a b ig d ri n k of
h is coffee, feels t h e k ic k of it i n h is n ea rly em p ty sto m a c h , a n d fi n ds h i m self s u d d e n ly
h ig h . " Re a lly, C y n t h i a , m y d e a r!" h e h e a rs h i m self ex cla i m . " H ow ca n yo u t a l k s u c h
i n cred ib le n o n se n se?"
G r a n t giggles wit h a sto n is h m e n t. C y n t h i a loo k s s u r p rised b u t r a t h er p le a sed . S h e
is t h e k i n d of b u lly w h o li k es b ei ng c h a lle nged ; it soot h es t h e itc h of h er aggressio n .
" H o n estly! A re yo u o u t of yo u r m i n d?" G eorge feels h i m self r aci ng dow n t h e
r u n w a y, beco m i ng s m oot h ly, ex h ila r a ti ngly a ir bor n e. " M y G od , yo u so u n d li k e so m e
d re a ry F re n c h i n tellect u al w h o's j u st set foot i n N ew Yor k for t h e first ti m e! T h a t's ex a ctly
t h e w a y t h ey t a l k! U n re a l! A m erica n m otels a re u n re a l! M y good girl--yo u k n ow a n d I
k n ow t h a t o u r motels a re d elib er a tely desig ned to b e u n re a l, if yo u m u st u se t h a t i d iotic
j a rgo n , for t h e very si m p le re a so n t h a t a n A m eric a n m otel roo m is n't a roo m i n a n h otel,
it's t h e roo m , d efi n itively, period . T h ere is o n ly o n e: T h e Roo m . A n d it's a sy m bol--a n
a d vertise m e n t i n t h ree d i m e n sio n s, if yo u li k e--for o u r w a y of life. A n d w h a t's o u r w a y of
life? A b u ild i ng cod e w h ic h d e m a n ds cert a i n m e a s u re m e n ts, cert a i n u tilities a n d t h e u se
of cert a i n a p t m a teri a ls; n o m ore a n d n o less. E very t h i ng else yo u've got to s u p ply for
yo u rself. B u t j u st try telli ng t h a t to t h e E u ro p e a n s! It sca res t h e m to d e a t h . T h e tr u t h is,
o u r w a y of life is fa r too a u stere for t h e m . We've red u ced t h e t h i ngs of t h e m a teri a l p la n e
to m ere sy m bolic co n ve n ie n ces. A n d w h y? B ec a u se t h a t's t h e esse n ti a l first step . U n til
t h e m a teri a l p l a n e h a s b ee n d efi n ed a n d relega ted to its p rop er p la ce, t h e m i n d c a n't ever
b e tr u ly free. O n e wo u ld t h i n k t h a t w a s ob vio u s. T h e st u p i d est A m eric a n see m s to
u n d erst a n d it i n t u itively. B u t t h e E u rop e a n s c a ll u s i n h u m a n --or t h ey p refer to s a y
i m m a t u re, w h ic h so u n d s r u d er--b eca u se we've flo u n ced t h eir worl d of i n divid u a l
d iffere n ces a n d r "- m a n tic i n efficie n cy a n d ob jects-for-t h e-s a k e-of-ob ject All t h a t d ea d
ol d c u lt of c a t h ed r als a n d first editio n s a n d P a ris m od els a n d vi n t age wi n es. N a t u r a lly,
t h ey n ever give u p , t h ey k eep tryi ng to s u b vert u s, every m o m e n t, wit h t h eir lo a t h so m e
c u lt-p rop aga n d a . If t h ey ever s u cceed, we'll be do n e for. T h a t's t h e k i n d of s u bversio n t h e
U n -A m eric a n Activities Co m m ittee o u g h t to b e i n vestiga ti ng. T h e E u rop e a n s h a te u s
b ec a u se we've retired to live i n si de o u r a dvertise m e n ts, h er m its goi ng i n to c a ves to
co n te m p l a te. We sleep sy m bolic b ed roo m s, e a t sy m bolic m e a ls, a re sy m bolica lly
e n tert a i n ed --a n d t h a t ter rifies t h e m , t h a t fills t h e m wit h f u ry a n d loa t h i ng b eca u se t h ey
c a n n ever u n d erst a n d it. T h ey k eep yelli ng o u t, 'T h ese p eop le a re zo m b ies!' T h ey've got to
m a k e t h e m selves b elies t h a t, b ec a u se t h e a lter n a tive is to b re a k dow n a n d a d m it t h a t
A m eric a n s a re a b le to live li k e t h is b eca u se, a ct u a lly, t h ey're a fa r, fa r more a d v a n ced
c u lt u re--five h u n d red , m a yb e a t h o u s a n d ye a rs a h e a d of E u rop e, or a n yo n e else o n
e a rt h , for t h a t m a tter. E sse n ti a lly we're cre a t u res of sp irit. O u r life is a ll i n t h e m i n d .
T h a t " w h y we're co m p letely a t h o m e wit h sy m bols li k e t h e A m eric a n m otel roo m .
W h ere a s t h e E u rop e a n h a s h or ror of sy m bols b ec a u se h e's s u c h a groveli ng little
m a teri a list.... "
So m e m o m e n ts b efore t h e e n d of t h is wil d wor d -flig h t, G eorge h a s see n , a s it were
fro m a gre a t a ltit u d e, A n d y Le a c h e n ter t h e d i n i ng roo m . W h ic h is i n -d eed a l u c k y
d eliver a n ce, for a lre a d y G eorge h a s felt h is engi n es c u t o u t, felt h i m self losi ng t h r u st. So
n ow, wit h t h e s k ill of a veter a n p ilot, h e swoop s dow n to a p erfect l a n di ng. A n d t h e
b e a u ty of it is, h e a p pe a rs to stop t a l k i ng o u t of m ere polite n ess, b ec a u se A n d y h as
re a c h ed t h eir t a b le.
 " D i d I m iss so m et h i ng?" A n dy a s k s, gri n n i ng.
A p erfor m er a t t h e circ u s h a s n o t h e a ter c u rt a i n to co m e dow n a n d h i d e h i m a n d
t h u s p reserve t h e m agic spell of h is a ct u n b ro k e n . Poised h ig h o n t h e tr a p eze u n der t h e
b l a zi ng a rcs, h e h a s fl a s h ed a n d p u lsed li k e a st a r i n d eed . B u t n ow, gro u n d ed ,
u n sp a r k li ng, u nfollowed b y spotlig h ts, yet p la i n ly visib le to a n yo n e w h o c a res to loo k a t
h i m --t h ey a re a ll w a tc h i ng t h e clow n s-- h e h u r ries p a st t h e tiers of se a ts tow a rd t h e ex it.
Nobod y a p p la u d s h i m a n y m ore. V ery few sp a re h i m a si ngle gl a n ce.
Toget h er wit h t h is a n o n y m ity, G eorge feels a fa tig u e co m e over h i m w h ic h is n ot
d is agree a b le. T h e ti d e of h is vit a lity is eb b i ng fa st, a n d h e eb b s wit h it, co n te n t. T h is is a
w a y of resti ng. All of a s u d d e n h e is m u c h , m u c h ol d er. O n h is w a y o u t to t h e p a r k i ng lot
h e w a l k s d iffere n tly, wit h less el a sticity, movi ng h is a r m s a n d h is s h o u l d ers stiffly. H e
slows dow n . Now a n d t h e n h is step s a ct u ally s h u ffle. H is h e a d is bowed . H is m o u t h
loose n s a n d t h e m u scles of h is c h ee k s s ag. H is fa ce t a k es o n a d u ll d rea m y p la cid loo k .
H e h u m s q u eerly to h i mself, wit h a so u n d li k e b ees a ro u n d a h ive. F ro m ti m e to ti m e, a s
h e w a l k s, h e e m its q u ite lo u d , p rolo nged fa rts.

T H E h osp it a l st a n d s t a ll o n a sleep y b yp a ssed h ill risi ng fro m steep la w n s a n d floweri ng

b u s h es, wit h i n sig h t of t h e freew a y itself. A ta ll re m i n d er to t h e p a ssi ng motorists--t h is is
t h e e n d of t h e ro a d , fol k s--it h a " a p le as a n t a sp ect, n evert h eless. It st a n d s op e n to a ll
b reezes, a n d t h ere m u st b e m a n y of its wi n dows fro m w h ic h yo u c a n see t h e oce a n a n d
t h e P a los V er de h e a d la n d a n d eve n C a t ali n a Isl a n d, i n t h e cle a r wi n ter we a t h er.
T h e n u rses a t t h e recep tio n d es k a re p lea s a n t, too. T h ey do n't f u ss yo u wit h a lot
of q u estio n s. If yo u k now t h e n u m ber of t h e roo m yo u w a n t to visit, yo u do n't eve n h a ve
to a s k for t h eir p er m issio n ; yo u c a n go rig h t u p .
G eorge wor k s t h e elev a tor h i m self. A t t h e seco n d floor it is stop p ed , a n d a colored
m a le n u rse w h eels i n a p ro n e p a tie n t. S h e is for s u rgery, h e tells G eorge, so t h ey m u st
d esce n d aga i n to t h e gro u n d floor w h ere t h e op era ti ng roo m s a re. G eorge offers
resp ectf u lly to get off t h e elev a tor b u t t h e yo u ng n u rse (w h o h a s very sex y m u sc u la r
a r m s) s a ys, "Yo u do n't h a ve to"; so t h ere h e st a n d s, li k e a sp ect a tor a t t h e f u n er a l of a
str a nger, f u rtively pee k i ng a t t h e p a tie n t. S he a p p ea rs to b e f u lly co n scio u s, b u t it wo u l d
b e a k i n d of s a crilege to sp ea k to h er, for a lre a dy s h e is t h e d ed ic a ted , t h e rit u a lly
p rep a red victi m . S h e see ms to k n ow t h is a n d co n se n t to it; to b e e n tirely rel a xed i n h er
co n se n t. H er gr a y h a ir loo k s so p retty; it m u st h a ve bee n rece n tly w a ved .
T h is is t h e ga te, G eorge sa ys to h i m self.
M u st I p a ss t h ro u g h h ere, too?
A h , h ow t h e poor bod y recoils wit h its every n erve fro m t h e sig h t, t h e s m ell, t h e
feel of t h is p la ce! B li n d ly ii s h ies, re a rs, str u ggles to esc a p e. T h a t it s h o u l d ever h e
b ro u g h t h ere--st u p efied b y t h eir d r u gs, p ric k ed b y t h eir n eedles, c u t by t h eir little
k n ives--w h a t a n u n t h i n k a b le o u tr age to t h e fles h! E ve n if t h ey were to c u re a n d rele a se
it, it co u ld n ever forget, n ever forgive. Not h i ng wo u ld be t h e s a m e a n y more. It wo u ld
h a ve lost a ll fa it h i n itself.
J i m u sed to m o a n a n d co m pl a i n a n d r a ise h ell over a h e a d cold , a c u t fi nger, a
p ile. B u t J i m w a s l u c k y a t t h e e n d --t h e o n ly ti m e w h e n l u c k re a lly co u n ts. T h e tr u c k h it
h is c a r j u st rig h t; h e n ever felt it. A n d t h ey n ever got h i m i n to a p l a ce li k e t h is o n e. H is
s m a s h ed le avi ngs were of n o u se to t h e m for t h eir rit u a ls.
D oris's roo m is o n t h e top floor. T h e h a llw a y is d eserted, for t h e m o m e n t, a n d t h e
door st a n d s op e n , wit h a scree n h i d i ng t h e bed . G eorge p eep s over t h e top of t h e scree n
b efore goi ng i n . D oris is lyi ng wit h h er fa ce tow a r d t h e wi n dow.
G eorge h a s gotte n q u ite a cc u sto m ed by n ow to t h e w a y s h e loo k s. It is n't eve n
h or ri b le to h i m a n y m ore, b eca u se h e h a s lost h is se n se of a tr a n sfor m a tio n . D oris n o
lo nger see m s c h a nged . S h e is a d iffere n t cre a t u re a ltoget h er--t h is yellow s h riveled
m a n n eq u i n wit h its s tic k s of a r m s a n d legs, wit h ered fles h a n d h ollow b elly, m a k i ng
a ng u l a r o u tli n es u n d er t h e s h eet. W h a t h a s it to do wit h t h a t b ig a r roga n t a n i m a l of a
girl? Wit h t h a t bod y w h ic h sp r a wled st a r k n a k ed, ga pi ng wid e i n s h a m eless d e m a n d,
u n d er n e a t h J i m's n a k ed body? G ross i n -s u c k i ng v u lv a , sly r u t h less greed y fles h , i n a ll
t h e b loo m a n d gloss a n d a r roga n t resilie n ce of yo u t h , d e m a n di ng t h a t G eorge s h a ll step
a si de, bow dow n a n d yield to t h e fe m a le p reroga tive, h i d e h is u n n a t u r a l h e a d i n s h a m e. I
a m D oris. I a m Wo m a n. I a m B itc h -Mot h er N a t u re. T h e C h u rc h a n d t h e L a w a n d t h e
St a te ex ist to s u p port m e. I cla i m m y biologica l rig h ts. I d e m a n d J i m .
G eorge h a s so m eti m es a s k ed h i m self, Wo u l d I ever, eve n i n t h ose d a ys, h a ve
wis h ed t h is o n h er?
T h e a n swer is No. Not b eca u se G eorge wo u ld be i n c a p a b le of s u c h fie n d is h n ess;
b u t b ec a u se D oris, t h e n , w a s i nfi n itely more t h a n D oris, w a s Wo m a n t h e E n e m y,
cl a i m i ng J i m for h erself. No u se d estroyi ng D oris, or te n t h o u s a n d D or ises, a s lo ng a s
Wo m a n tri u m p h s. Wo m a n co u l d o n ly be fo ug h t b y yiel d i ng, b y letti ng J i m go a w a y wit h
h er o n t h a t tri p to M ex ico. B y u rgi ng h i m to s a tisfy a ll h is c u riosity a n d fl a ttered v a n ity
a n d l u st (v a n ity, mostly) o n t h e ga m b le t h a t h e wo u ld ret u r n (a s h e d id) s a yi ng, S h e's
d isg u sti ng, s a yi ng, N ever agai n .
A n d wo u ld n't yo u b e twice a s d isg u sted , J i m, if yo u co u ld see h er n ow? Wo u ld n't
yo u feel a cr a wli ng h or ror to t h i n k t h a t m a y b e, eve n t h e n , h er bod y yo u fo n -d led a n d
k issed h u ngrily a n d e n tered wit h yo u r a ro u sed fles h a lre a d y h eld seed s of t h is
rotte n n ess? Yo u u sed to b a t h e t h e sores o n c a ts so ge n tly a n d yo u n ever m i n d ed t h e
sti n k of old d ise a sed dogs; yet yo u h a d a h orror, i n sp ite of yo u rself, of h u m a n sic k n ess
a n d p eop le w h o were crip pled. I k n ow so m et h i ng, J i m . I feel cert a i n of it. Yo u'd ref u se
a b sol u tely to visit h er h ere. Yo u wo u l d n't b e a b le to force yo u rself to do it.
G eorge w a l k s a ro u n d t h e scree n a n d i n to t h e roo m , m a k i ng j u st t h e n ecess a ry
a m o u n t of n oise. D oris t u r n s h er h e a d a n d sees h i m , see m i ngly wit h o u t s u r p rise.
Prob a bly, for h er, t h e li n e b etwee n re a lity a n d h a ll u ci n a tio n is getti ng very t h i n . F ig u res
k eep a p pe a ri ng, d is a p p e a ri ng. If o n e of t h e m stic k s yo u wit h a n eedle, t h e n yo u ca n be
s u re it a ct u a lly is a n u rse. G eorge m a y be G eorge or, agai n , h e m a y n ot. F or co n ve n ie n ce
s h e will tre a t h i m as G eorge. W h y n ot? W h a t does it m a tter eit h er w a y?
" H ello, " s h e s a ys. H er eyes a re a wild b rilli a n t b l u e i n h er sic k yellow fa ce.
" H ello, D oris. "
A good w h ile si n ce, G eorge h as stop p ed b ri ngi ng h er flowers or ot h er gifts. T h ere
is n ot h i ng of a n y sig n ifica n ce h e c a n b ri ng i n to t h is roo m fro m t h e o u tsi d e n ow; n ot eve n
h i m self. E very t h i ng t h a t m a tters to h er is n ow rig h t h ere i n t h is roo m , w h ere s h e is
a b sor b ed i n t h e b u si n ess of dyi ng. H er p reocc u p a tio n does n't see m egotistic, h owever; it
does n ot ex cl u d e G eorge or a n yo n e else w ho c a res to s h a re i n it. T h is p reocc u p a tio n is
wit h e a c h , a n d we ca n all s h a re i n t h a t, a t a ny ti m e, a t a n y age, well or ill.
G eorge sits dow n b esi de h er n ow a n d t a k es her h a n d . If h e h a d do n e t h is eve n two
m o n t h s ago, it wo u ld h a ve b ee n lo a t h so m ely fa lse. (O n e of h is most b itterly s h a m ef u l
m e m ories is of a ti m e h e k issed h er c h ee k --W a s it aggressio n, m a soc h is m? O h, d a m n a ll
s u c h wor d s!--rig h t after h e fo u n d o u t s h e'd bee n to b ed wit h J i m . J i m w a s t h ere w h e n it
h a p p e n ed . W h e n G eorge m oved tow a r d h er to k iss h er, J i m's eyes loo k ed st a rtled a n d
sc a red, as if h e fea red G eorge w a s a bo u t to b ite h er li k e a s n a k e.) B u t n ow t a k i ng D oris'
h a n d is n't fa lse, is n't eve n a n a ct of co m p a ssio n . It is n ecess a ry-- h e h a s discovered t h is
o n p revio u s visits--i n or d er to est a b lis h even p a rti a l co n t a ct. A n d h ol d i ng h er h a n d h e
feels less e m b a r r a ssed b y h er sic k n ess; for th e gest u re m e a n s, We a re o n t h e sa m e ro a d ,
I s h a ll follow yo u soo n . H e is t h u s ex c u sed fro m h a vi ng to a s k t h ose g h a stly sic k roo m
q u estio n s, H ow a re yo u , h ow's it goi ng, h ow do yo u feel?
D oris s miles fai n tly. Is it b eca u se s h e's p le a sed t h a t h e h a s co m e?
No. S h e is s m ili ng wit h a m u se m e n t, it seem s. S p ea k i ng low b u t very d isti n c tly,
s h e s a ys, "I m a de s u c h a n oise, yester d a y. "
G eorge s m iles too, w aiti ng for t h e jo k e.
" W a s it yester d a y?" T h is is i n t h e s a m e to n e, b u t a d d ressed to h erself. H er eyes n o
lo nger see h i m ; t h ey loo k b ewild ered a n d a b it sca red. Ti m e m u st h a ve b eco m e a very
od d k i n d of mir ror- m a ze for h er n ow; a n d m a zes c a n c h a nge a t a n y i n st a n t fro m b ei ng
f u n n y to b ei ng frig h te n i ng.
B u t n ow t h e eyes a re a w a re of h i m aga i n ; t h e b ewild er m e n t h a s p a ssed . "I w a s
scre a m i ng. T h ey h e a r d m e clea r dow n t h e h a ll. T h ey h a d to fetc h t h e doctor. " D oris
s m iles. T h is, a p p a re n tly, is t h e jo k e. " W as it yo u r b a c k?" G eorge as k s. T h e effort to k eep
sy m p a t h y o u t of h is voice m a k es h i m sp e a k p ri m ly so m eo n e w h o is tryi ng to s u p p ress a n
u nge n tle m a n ly n a tive a cce n t. B u t D oris d isrega r d s t h e q u es tio n ( is off i n so m e n ew
d irectio n of h er ow n , frow n i ng little. S h e a s k s a b r u p tly, " W h a t ti m e is it?"
" N e a rly t h ree. "
T h ere is a lo ng sile n ce. G eorge feels a ter ri b le n eed to s a y so m et h i ng, a n y t h i ng.
"I w a s o u t o n t h e p ier t h e ot h er d a y. I h a d n't b ee n t h ere i n ages. A n d , do yo u
k n ow, t h ey've tor n dow n t h e old roller-s k a ti ng ri n k ? Is n't t h a t a s h a m e? It s is a s if t h ey
c a n't b e a r to lea ve a n y t h i ng t h e w a y it to be. D o yo u re m e m ber t h a t boot h w h ere t h e
wo m a n u sed to rea d yo u r c h a r a cter fro m yo u r h a n d w riti ng? T h a t's go n e too--"
H e stop s s h ort, d is m a yed .
C a n m e m ory re a lly get a w a y wit h s u c h a cr u d e tric k ? See mi ngly it c a n. F or h e h a s
p ic k ed t h e p ier fro m c as u a lly a s yo u p ic k a ca r d a t r a n do m fro m a m agicia n's d ec k --a n d
b e h old , t h e c a r d h a s b ee n forced! It w a s w h ile G eorge a n d J i m were roller-s k a ti ng t h a t
t h ey first m et D oris. (S h e w a s wit h a boy n a m ed Nor m a n w h o m s h e q u ic k ly ditc h ed .)
A n d l a ter t h ey a ll we n t to h a ve t h eir h a n d w riti ng re a d . A n d t h e wo m a n told J i m t h a t h e
h a d l a te n t m u sic a l t a le n t, a n d D oris t h a t s h e h a d a gre a t c a p a city for b ri ngi ng o u t t h e
b est i n ot h er p eop le.
D oes s h e re m e m b er? O f co u rse s h e m u st! G eorge gl a n ces a t h er a n x io u sly. S h e
lies st a ri ng a t t h e ceili ng, frow n i ng h a rd er.
" W h a t d i d yo u sa y t h e ti m e w a s?"
" N e a rly t h ree. F o u r m i n u tes of. "
" Loo k o u tsi de i n t h e h all, will yo u ? See if a n yo n e's t h ere. "
H e gets u p , goes to t h e door, loo k s o u t. B u t b efore h e h a s eve n re a c h ed it, s h e h a s
a s k ed wit h h a rs h i m p a tie n ce, " Well?"
" T h ere's n o o n e. "
" W h ere's t h a t f u c k i ng n u rse?" It co m es o u t of h er so h a rs h ly, so n a k edly
d esp er a te.
" S h a ll I go loo k for h er?"
" S h e k n ows I get a s h ot a t t h ree. T h e doctor tol d k r. S h e does n't give a s h it. "
"I'll fi n d h er. "
" T h a t b itc h wo n't co m e till s h e's good a n d rea d y. "
"I'm s u re I ca n fi n d h er. "
" No! St a y h ere. "
" O k a y. "
" Sit dow n aga i n . "
" S u re. " H e sits dow n . H e k n ows s h e w a n ts h is h a n d . le gives it to h er. S h e gri p s it
wit h a sto n is h i ng stre ngt h . " G eorge--"
"Yes?"
"Yo u'll st a y h ere till s h e co m es?"
" O f co u rse I will. "
H er gri p tig h te n s. T h ere is n o affectio n i n it, n o co m m u n ic a tio n . S h e is n't gri p p i ng
a fellow crea t u re. H is h a n d is j u st so m et h i ng to gri p . H e d a re n ot as k h er a bo u t t h e p a i n .
H e is afr a id of rele a si ng so m e ob sce n e h or ror, so met h i ng visib le a n d t a ngib le a n d
sti n k i ng, rig h t h ere b etwee n t h e m i n t h e room .
Yet h e is c u rio u s, too. L a st ti m e, t h e n u rse tol d h i m t h a t D oris h a s b ee n seei ng a
p riest. (S h e w a s r a ised a C a t h olic.) A n d , s u re e n o u g h , h ere o n t h e t a b le b esid e t h e b ed is
a little p a p er boo k , ga u dy a n d c u te a s a C h rist m a s c a r d: T h e S t a tio n s of t h e C ross... A h ,
b u t w h e n t h e ro a d n a r rows to t h e wid t h of t h is b ed , w h e n h ere is n ot h i ng i n fro n t of yo u
t h a t is k n ow n , d a re yo u d isd ai n a n y g u ide?. Per h a p s D oris h as lea r n ed so m et h i ng
a lre a d y a bo u t t h e jo u r n ey a h e a d of h er. B u t, eve n s u p posi ng t h a t s h e h as a n d t h a t
G eorge co u l d b ri ng h i m self to as k h er, s h e co u l d n ever tell h i m w h a t s h e k n ows. F or t h a t
co u l d o n ly b e ex p ressed i n t h e l a ng u age of t h e p l a ce to w h ic h s h e is goi ng. A n d t h a t
l a ng u age--t h o u g h so m e of u s ga b ble it so gli b ly-- h a s n o re a l m e a n i ng i n o u r worl d. I n
o u r m o u t h s, it is j u st a lot of wor d s.
H ere's t h e n u rse, s m ili ng, i n t h e door w a y. "I'm p u n ct u a l tod a y, yo u see!" S h e h a s
a tr a y wit h t h e h y pod er m ic a n d t h e a m po u les.
"I'll be goi ng, " G eorge s a ys, risi ng a t o n ce.
" O h , yo u do n't h a ve to do t h a t, " s a ys t h e n u rse "If yo u'll j u st step o u tsid e for a
m o m e n t. T h is wo n't t a k e a n y ti m e a t a ll. "
"I h a ve to go a n y w a y, " G eorge sa ys, feeli ng g u ilty a s o n e a lw a ys does a bo u t le a vi ng
a n y sic k roo m . Not t h a t D oris h erself m a k es h i m feel g u ilty. S h e see m s to h a ve lost a ll
i n terest i n h i m . H er eyes a re fi xed o " h e n eed le i n t h e n u rse's h a n d.
" S h e's b ee n a b a d girl, " t h e n u rse s a ys. " We c a n't get h er to e a t h er l u n c h , c a n
we?"
" Well, so lo ng, D oris. See yo u aga i n i n a co u ple of d a ys. "
" G ood b ye, G eorge. " D oris does n't eve n gl a n ce a t h i m , a n d h er to n e is u tterly
i n d iffere n t. H e is le a ... J ig h er worl d a n d t h ereb y ce asi ng to ex ist. H e t a k es h er h a n d a n d
p resses it. S h e does n't respo n d. S h e w a tc h es t h e b rig h t n eed le a s it m oves tow a r d h er.
D i d s h e m e a n good b ye? T h is co u l d b e, soo n will b e. As G eorge lea ves t h e roo m , h e
loo k s a t h er o n ce aga i n over t h e top of t h e scree n , tryi ng to c a tc h a n d fi x so m e m e m ory
i n h is m i n d , to b e a w a re of t h e occ a sio n or a t le a st of its possib ility: t h e l ast ti m e I sa w
h er a live.
Not h i ng. It m ea n s n ot h i ng. H e feels n ot h i ng.
As G eorge p ressed D oris' h a n d j u st n ow, h e k n ew so m et h i ng: t h a t t h e very l a st
tr a ces of t h e D oris w ho tried to t a k e J i m fro m h i m h a ve va n is h ed fro m t h is s h riveled
m a n n eq u i n , a n d , wit h t h e m , t h e l a st of h a te. As lo ng a s o n e ti n y p recio u s d rop of h a te
re m a i n ed , G eorge co u ld still fi n d so m et h i ng left i n h er of J i m . F or h e h a ted J i m too,
n e a rly a s m u c h a s h er, w h ile t h ey were a w a y toget h er i n M ex ico. T h a t h a s b ee n t h e bo n d
b etwee n h i m a n d D oris. A n d n ow it is b ro k e n . A n d o n e more b it of J i m is lost to h i m
forever.

A S G eorge d rives dow n t h e bo u leva r d , t h e b ig u n wiel dy C h rist m a s d ecora tio n s--rei n d eer
a n d ji ngle b ells sl u ng a cross t h e street o n c a b les sec u red to m et a l C h rist m a s trees--a re
swi ngi ng i n a c h ill wi n d . B u t t h ey a re m erely a d vertise m e n ts for C h rist m a s, p a id for b y
t h e loc a l m erc h a n ts. S h op pers crow d t h e stores a n d t h e sid ew a l k s, t h eir faces so m ew h a t
b ewil d ered , t h eir eyes reflecti ng, li k e polis h ed b u tto n s, t h e cy n ica l sp a r k le of t h e
Y u leti d e. H a r dly m ore t h a n a mo n t h ago, b efore K h r u s h c h ev agreed to p u ll h is roc k ets
o u t of C u b a , t h ey were cr a m m i ng t h e m a r k ets, b u yi ng t h e s h elves b a re of b ea n s, rice
a n d ot h er food st u ffs, u tterly u seless, m ost of t h e m , for a ir-r a i d -s h elter coo k ery, b ec a u se
t h ey c a n't b e p rep a red wit h o u t p i n ts of w a ter. Well, t h e s h op p ers were sp a red --t h is ti m e.
D o t h ey rejoice? T h ey a re too d u ll for t h a t, poor d ea rs; t h ey n ever k n ew w h a t d id n't h it
t h e m . No do u b t b eca u se of t h a t p a n ic b u yi ng, t h ey h a ve less m o n ey n ow for gifts. B u t
t h ey h a ve e n o u g h . It will b e q u ite a good C h rist m a s, t h e m er-c h a n ts p red ict. E veryo n e
c a n afford to sp e n d a t lea st so met h i ng, excep t, m a y be, so m e of t h e yo u ng h u stlers
(recog n iz a b le a t o n ce to ex p erie n ced eyes li k e G eorge's) w h o st a n d scowli ng o n t h e street
cor n ers or st a ri ng i n to s h op s wit h t h e m a x i m u m of p erip h er a l visio n .
G eorge is very fa r, rig h t n ow, fro m s n eeri ng a t a n y of t h ese fellow crea t u res. T h ey
m a y b e cr u d e a n d m erce n a ry a n d d u ll a n d low, b u t h e is p ro u d , is gl a d , is al m ost
i n d ece n tly gleef u l to b e a b le to st a n d u p a n d b e co u n ted i n t h eir r a n k s--t h e r a n k s of t h a t
m a rvelo u s m i n ority, T h e Livi ng. T h ey do n't k n ow t h eir l u c k , t h ese p eople o n t h e
si d ew a l k , b u t G eorge k n ows h is--for a little w h ile a t le a st--b ec a u se h e is fres h ly ret u r n ed
fro m t h e icy p rese n ce of T h e M a jority, w h ic h D oris is to joi n .
I a m a live, h e sa ys to h i m self, I a m alive! A n d life- e n ergy s u rges h otly t h ro u g h
h i m , a n d delig h t, a n d a p p etite. H ow good to b e i n a body--eve n t h is be a t- u p ca rc a ss--
t h a t still h a s w a r m blood a n d se m e n a n d ric h m a r row a n d w h oleso m e fles h! T h e
scowli ng yo u t h s o n t h e cor n ers see h i m a s a dod d erer n o do u b t, or a t b est as a pote n ti al
score. Yet h e cl a i m s a d ist a n t k i n s h ip wit h t h e s tre ngt h of t h eir yo u ng a r m s a n d
s h o u l d ers a n d loi n s. F or a few b u c k s h e co u ld get a n y o n e of t h e m to cli m b i n to t h e c a r,
ri d e b a c k wit h h i m to h is h o u se, stri p off b u tc h le a t h er j a c k et, s k i n -tig h t Levi's, s h irt a n d
cow boy boots a n d t a k e a n a k ed, s u lle n yo u ng a t h lete, i n t h e w restli ng bo u t h is p le as u re.
B u t G eorge does n't w a n t t h e bo u g h t u n willi ng bodies of t h ese boys. H e w a n ts to rejoice
i n h is ow n bod y--t h e to u g h tri u m p h a n t ol d bod y of a s u rvivor. T h e bod y t h a t h a s
o u tlived J i m a n d is goi ng o u tlive D oris.
H e d ecid es to stop b y t h e gy m --a lt h o u g h t h i s is n't o n e of h is reg u l a r d a ys--o n h is
w a y h o m e.

I N t h e loc k er roo m, G eorge t a k es off h is clot hes, gets i n to h is swea t soc k s, joc k str a p a n d
s h orts. S h a ll h e p u t o n a tee s h irt? H e loo k s a t h i m self i n t h e lo ng m ir ror. Not too b a d .
T h e b u lges of fles h over t h e b elt of t h e s h orts a re n ot so n otice a b le tod a y. T h e legs a re
q u ite good . T h e c h est m u scles, w h e n p roperly flex ed, do n't s ag. A n d, a s lo ng a s h e
does n't h a ve h is sp ecta cles o n , h e c a n't see t h e little w ri n k les i n si d e t h e elbows, a bove
t h e k n eec a p s a n d a ro u n d t h e h ollow of t h e s u c k ed -i n b elly. T h e n ec k is loose a n d
scr aggy u n d er all circ u m st a n ces, i n a ll lig h ts, a n d wo u ld loo k gr u eso m e eve n if h e were
h a lf-b li n d . H e h a s a b a n do n ed t h e n ec k altoget h er, li k e a n u n te n a ble m ilit a ry positio n .
Yet h e loo k s--a n d does n't h e k now id --b etter t h a n n e a rly a ll of h is age- m a tes a t
t h is gy m . Not b ec a u se t h ey're i n s u c h b a d s h a p e--t h ey a re h e a lt h y e n o u g h sp eci m e n s.
W h a t's w ro ng wit h t h e m is t h eir fa t a listic a ccep t a n ce of m id d le age, t h eir ig n ob le
resig n a tio n to gr a n dfa t h er h ood, i m p e n d i ng retire m e n t a n d golf. G eorge is differe n t fro m
t h e m b ec a u se, i n so m e se n se w h ic h ca n't q u ite b e defi n ed b u t w h ic h is i m m ed ia tely
a p p a re n t w h e n yo u see h i m n a k ed, h e h a s n't give n u p . H e is still a co n te n d er, a n d t h ey
a re n't. M a yb e it's n ot h i ng m ore m ysterio u s t h a n v a n ity w h ic h gives h i m t h is a ir of a
wit h ered boy? Yes, d esp ite h is w ri n k les, h is sli p p ed fles h , h is gr a yi ng h a ir, h is gri m -
li p p ed, str u tti ng sp ry n ess, yo u c a tc h occ a sion a l gli m pses of a g h ostly so m eo n e else, soft-
fa ced , boyis h , p retty. T h e co m b i n a tio n is b iza r re, i t is old er t h a n m id dle age itself, b u t it
is t h ere.
Loo k i ng gri m ly i n to t h e m ir ror, wit h d ist a ste a n d h u m or, G eorge s a ys to h i m self,
Yo u ol d a ss, w h o a re yo u tryi ng to sed u ce? A n d h e p u ts o n h is tee s h irt.
I n t h e gy m t h ere a re o n ly t h ree p eople. It's still too e a rly for t h e office wor k ers. A
b ig h e avy m a n n a m ed B u c k --a ll t h a t re m a i ns a t fifty of a footb a ll p la yer---is t a l k i ng to a
c u rly- h a ired yo u ng m a n n a m ed Ric k , w h o a sp ires to televisio n . B u c k is n e a rly n u d e; h is
rolli ng b elly b u lges i n d ece n tly over a k i n d of b i k i n i, p u s h i ng it cle a r dow n to t h e b u s h
li n e. H e see m s q u ite will.- o u t s h a me. W h erea s Ric k , w h o h a s a very well- m a d e m u sc u l a r
body, wea rs a gr a y wool swe a ts h irt a n d p a n coveri ng a ll of it fro m t h e n ec k to t h e w rists
a n d a n k les. " H i, G eorge, " t h ey bot h sa y, n od d i ng c a s u ally a t h i m a n d t h is, G eorge feels,
is t h e m ost ge n u i n ely frie n d .. greeti ng h e h a s received a ll d a y.
B u c k k n ows all a bo u t t h e h istory of sport; h e is a n e n cycloped ia of b a tti ng
a ver ages, h a n d ic a p s, record s a n d scores. H e is i n t h e m i d st of telli ng h ow so m eo n e too k
so m eo n e else i n t h e seve n t h ro u n d . H e m i mes t h e k n oc k o u t: "Pow! Pow! A n d, boy, h e'd
h a d it!" Rice liste n s, se a ted a stri d e a b en c h . T h ere is a lw a ys a n a t m osp h ere of
leis u reli n ess i n t h is p l a ce. A boy li k e Rice will t a k e t h r ee or fo u r h o u rs to wor k o u t, a n d
sp e n d most of t h e ti m e j u st y a k k i ng a bo u t s h ow b iz, a bo u t sport c a rs, a bo u t foot b all a n d
boxi ng--very sel do m od dly e n o u g h , a bo u t sex. Per h a p s t h is is p a rtly o u t of co n sid er a tio n
for t h e m or a ls of t h e v a rio u s yo u ng k id s a n d e a rly tee n -agers w h o a re u s u a lly a ro u n d .
W h e n Ric k t a l k s to grow n u p s, h e is a p t to b e s m a rt-a lec k y or a ctor-si n cere; b u t wit h t h e
k i ds h e is a s u n affected a s a village id iot. H e clow n s for t h e m a n d does m agic tric k s a n d
tells t h e m stories, d e a d p a n , a bo u t a store i n Lo ng B e a c h (h e gives its ex act a d d ress)
w h ere o n ce i n gre a t w h ile, s u d d e n ly a n d wit h o u t a n y p revio u s a n n o u n ce m e n t, t h ey
d ecla re a B a rga i n D a y. O n s u c h d a ys every c u sto m er w h o sp e n d s m ore t h a n a doll a r
gets J ag or a Porsc h e or a n M G for free. (T h e rest of t h e ti m e, t h e p l a ce is a n ord i n a ry
a n tiq u e s h op .) W h e n Ric k is c h a lle nged to s how t h e ca r h e got, h e t a k es t h e k i ds o u tsid e
a n d poi n ts to a s u it a b le o n e o n t h e street.
W h e n t h ey loo k a t its registr a tio n slip a n d fi n d t h a t it b elo ngs to so m eo n e else,
Ric k swea rs t h a t t h a t's h is re a l n a m e; h e c h a nged it w h e n h e st a rted a cti ng. T h e k i d s
a b sol u tely d isb elieve h i m, b u t t h ey yell t h a t h e's a li a r a n d cra zy a n d t h ey b e a t o n h i m
wit h t h eir fists. W h ile t h ey do t h is, Ric k ca p ers gri n n i ng a ro u n d t h e gy m o n a ll fo u rs,
li k e a dog.
G eorge lies dow n o n o n e of t h e i n cli n ed boa r d s i n ord er to do sit- u p s. T h is is
a lw a ys so met h i ng yo u h a ve to t h i n k yo u rself i n to; t h e bod y d isli k es t h e m m ore t h a n ti n y
ot h er ex ercise. W h ile h e is getti ng i n to t h e m ood, Web ster co m es over a n d lies dow n o n
t h e bo a rd n ex t to h is. Web ster is m a yb e twelve or t h irtee n , sle n d er a n d gra cef u l a n d t a ll
for h is age, wit h lo ng s m oot h gol d e n boy-legs. H e is ge n tle a n d s h y, a n d h e m oves a bo u t
t h e gy m i n a k i n d of d re a m ; b u t h e k eep s ste a d ily o n wi t h h is wor k o u t. No do u b t h e
t h i n k s h e loo k s scr a w n y m id h a s vowed to b eco m e a h u ge wi d e a w k w a r d overlo a d ed
m u scle m a n . G eorge s a ys, " H i, Web , " a n d Web ster a n swers, " H i, G eorge, " i n a s h y,
secretive w h isp er.
Now Webster b egi n s doi ng h is sit- u p s, a n d G eorge, p eeli ng off h is tee s h irt o n a
s u d d e n i m p u lse, follows h is ex a m p le. As t h ey co n ti n u e, G eorge feels a n e m p a t h y growi ng
b etwee n t h e m . T h ey a re n ot co m p eti ng wit h e a c h ot h er; b u t Web ster's yo u t h a n d
lit h e n ess see m to possess G eorge, a n d t h is bor rowed e n ergy is ter rific. Wit h d r a wi ng h is
a tte n tio n fro m h is ow n p rotesti ng m u scles a n d co n ce n tr a ti ng it u po n Web ster's flex i ng
a n d rel a xi ng bod y, G eorge d r a ws t h e stre ngt h fro m it to go o n b eyo n d h is n or m a l forty
sit- u p s, to fifty, to six ty, to seve n ty, to eig h ty. S h a ll h e try for a h u n d red? T h e n , a ll lit
o n ce, h e is a w a re t h a t Web ster h a s stop p ed . T h e stre ngt h le a ves h i m i n st a n tly. H e stop s
too, p a n ti ng h a r d --t h o u g h n ot a n y h a r d er t h a n Web ster h i m self. T h ey lie t h ere p a n ti ng,
si d e b y sid e. Webster t u r n s h is h e a d a n d loo k s a t G eorge, ob vio u sly r a t h er i m p ressed .
" H ow m a n y do yo u do?" h e as k s.
" O h --it d ep e n d s. "
" T h ese t h i ngs j u st k ill m e. M a n!"
H ow delig h tf u l it is to be h ere. If o n ly o n e co u l d spe n d o n e's e n tire life i n t h is st a te
of e a sygoi ng p h ysic al d e m ocra cy. Nobod y is b itc h y h ere, or ill-te m p ered , or i n q u isitive.
V a n ity, i n cl u d i ng t h e most o u tr ageo u s posi ngs i n fro n t of t h e m ir rors, is t a k e n for
gr a n ted . T h e god li k e yo u ng b aseb a ll pl a yer co nfi d es to a ll h is a n x iety a bo u t t h e
s m a ll n ess of h is a n k les. T h e p l u m p b a n k er, r u b b i ng h is fa ce wit h s k i n cre a m, s a ys
si m p ly, "I c a n't affor d to get ol d. " No o n e is p erfect a n d n o o n e p rete n d s to b e. E ve n t h e
h a lf-doze n q u ite well- k n ow n a ctors p u t o n n o a irs. T h e yo u ngest k i d s sit i n n oce n tly
n a k ed besid e six ty- a n d seve n ty-ye a r-old s i n t h e ste a m roo m , a n d t h ey c a ll e a c h ot h er b y
t h eir first n a m es. Nobody is too h id eo u s or too h a n d so m e to b e a ccep ted a s a n eq u al.
S u rely everyo n e is n icer i n t h is p la ce t h a n h e is o u tsid e it?
Tod a y G eorge feels m ore t h a n u s u a lly u n willi ng to le a ve t h e gy m. H e does h is
ex ercises twice as m a n y ti m es a s h e is s u p posed to; h e sp e n ds a lo ng w h ile i n t h e ste a m
roo m ; h e w a s h es h is h air.
W H E N h e co m es o u t o n to t h e street agai n , it is alre a d y getti ng tow a rd s u n set. A n d n ow
h e m a k es a n ot h er i m p u lsive d ecisio n : i n stea d of d rivi ng directly k ic k to t h e b e a c h , h e
will t a k e a lo ng d eto u r t h ro u g h t h e h ills.
W h y? P a rtly b eca u se h e w a n ts to e n joy t h e u n co m p lica ted rela x ed h a p p y mood
w h ic h is n e a rly a lw a ys i n d u ced by a wor k o u t a t t h e gy m . It is so good to feel t h e body's
s a tisfactio n a n d gr a tit u d e; n o m a tter h ow m u c h it m a y p rotest, it li k es b ei ng forced to
p erfor m t h ese t a s k s. Now, for a w h ile a t lea st, t h e v ag u s n erve wo n't twitc h , t h e p ylor u s
will b e q u iet, t h e a rt h ritic t h u m b s a n d k n ee wo n't a ssert t h e m selves. A n d h ow restf u l,
n ow t h a t t h ere's n o n eed for sti m u l a n ts, n ot to h a ve to h a te a n yo n e a t all! G eorge h opes
to b e a ble to st a y i n t h is m ood a s lo ng as h e k eep s o n d rivi ng.
Also, h e w a n ts to t a k e a loo k a t t h e h ills agai n ; h e h a s n't b ee n u p t h ere i n a lo ng
ti m e. Ye a rs ago, b efore h i m eve n , w h e n G eorge first c a m e to C a lifor n i a, h e u sed to go
i n to t h e h ills ofte n . It w as t h e wild n ess of h is r a nge, l a rgely u n i n h a bited yet risi ng rig h t
u p o u t n 1 t h e city, t h a t fa sci n a ted h i m . H e felt t h e t h rill of b ei ng a foreig n er, a tresp a sser
t h ere, of ve n t u ri ng i n to t h e m i dst of a p ri m itive, a lie n n a t u re. H e wo u ld d rive u p a t
s u n set or very e a rly i n t h e m or n i ng, p a r k h is c a r, a n d w a n d er off a lo ng t h e fireb rea k
tr a ils, c a tc h i ng gli m p ses of d eer m ovi ng deep i n t h e c h a p a r r a l of a c a n yo n, stop pi ng to
w a tc h a h a w k circli ng over h e a d , step pi ng c a ref u lly a mo ng h a iry t a r a n t u l a s cr a wli ng
a cross h is p a t h , followi ng twisty tr a c k s i n t h e s a n d u n til h e c a m e u po n a coiled dozi ng
r a ttler.
So m eti m es, i n t h e h a lf-lig h t of d a w n , h e wo u l d m eet a p a c k of coyotes trotti ng
tow a r d h i m , t ails dow n , i n si ngle file. T h e first ti m e t h is h a p p e n ed h e too k t h e m for dogs;
a n d t h e n , s u d d e n ly, wit h o u t u tteri ng a so u n d , t h ey b ro k e for m a tio n a n d we n t bo u n d i ng
a w a y dow n h ill, wit h grea t u n c a n n y j u m p s.
B u t t h is after n oo n G eorge ca n feel n ot h i ng of t h a t lo ng-ago ex cite m e n t a n d a we;
so m et h i ng is w ro ng fro m t h e st a rt. T h e s teep , wi n d i ng ro a d , w h ic h u sed to see m
ro m a n tic, is m erely a w k w a r d n ow, a n d d a ngero u s. H e k eep s m eeti ng ot h er c a rs o n bli n d
cor n ers a n d h a vi ng to swerve s h a r ply. B y t h e ti m e h e h a s re a c h ed t h e top , h e h a s lost a ll
se n se of rela x a tio n. E ve n u p h ere t h ey a re b u ild i ng doze n s of n ew h o u ses. T h e a re a is
getti ng s u b u r b a n . Tr u e, t h ere a re still a few u n i n h a b ited ca n yo n s, b u t G eorge c a n't
rejoice i n t h e m ; h e is op p ressed b y a w a re ness of t h e city below. O n bot h sid es of t h e
h ills, to t h e n ort h a n d to t h e so u t h , it h a s sp a w n ed a n d sp re a d itself over t h e e n tire
p l ai n . It h as e a te n u p t h e wid e p a st u res a n d r a n c h l a n d s a n d t h e la st stretc h es of or a nge
grove; it h a s s u c k ed o u t t h e s u r ro u n d i ng l a k es a n d s a p p ed t h e forests of t h e h ig h
m o u n t a i n s. Soo n it will b e d ri n k i ng co n verted sea w a ter. A n d yet it will d ie. No n eed for
roc k ets to w rec k it, or a n ot h er ice age to freeze it, or a h u ge ea rt h q u a k e to cr ac k it off
a n d d u m p it i n t h e P a cific. It will d ie of overex te n sio n . It will d ie b ec a u se its t a p roots
h a ve d ried u p --t h e b r a s h n ess a n d greed w h ic h h a ve b ee n its o n ly stre ngt h . A n d t h e
d esert, w h ic h is t h e n a t u r a l co n d itio n of t h is co u n try, will ret u r n .
Al a s, h ow sa d ly, h ow cert a i n ly G eorge k n ows t h is! H e stop s t h e c a r a n d st a n d s a t
t h e ro a d's ro u g h yellow dirt edge, besid e a m a n z a n it a b u s h , a n d loo k s o u t over Los
A ngeles li k e a s a d J ewis h p rop h et of doo m, a s h e t a k es a lea k . B a b ylo n is fa lle n , is
fa lle n, t h a t gre a t city. B u t t h is city is n ot gre a t, w as n ever grea t, a n d h a s n e a rly n o
d ist a n ce to fall.
Now h e zi p s u p h is p a n ts a n d gets i n to t h e c a r a n d d rives o n , t h oro u g h ly
d ep ressed. T h e clo u d s close i n low u po n t h e h ills, m a k i ng t h e m see m n ort h er n a n d s a d
li k e W a les; a n d t h e d a y w a n es, a n d t h e lig h ts s n a p o n i n t h eir s h a m jewel colors all over
t h e p l a i n , a s t h e ro a d wi n d s dow n aga i n o n to S u n set B o u leva r d a n d h e n e a rs t h e oce a n .

T H E s u p er m a r k et is still op e n ; it wo n't close till m i d n ig h t. It is b rilli a n tly b rig h t. Its

b rig h t n ess offers sa n ct u a ry. fro m lo n eli n ess a n d t h e d a r k . Yo u co u l d sp e n d h o u rs of
yo u r life h ere, i n a st a te of s u sp e n d ed i n sec u rity, m ed it a ti ng o n 't h e m u lti p licity of t h i ngs
to e a t. O h d e a r, t h ere is so m u c h! So m a n y b r a n d s i n s h i n y box es, a ll of t h e m p ro m isi ng
yo u good a p p etite. E very a rticle o n t h e s h elves cries o u t to yo u , Ta k e m e, t a k e m e; a n d
t h e m ere co m p etitio n of t h eir a p p ea ls c a n m a k e yo u i m agi n e yo u rself w a n ted, eve n loved.
B u t b ew a re--w h e n yo u get b a c k to yo u r e m pty roo m , yo u'll fi n d t h a t t h e fa lse fla tteri ng
elf of t h e a dvertise m e n t h a s el u d ed yo u ; w h a t re m a i n s is o n ly ca r d bo a rd , cellop h a n e a n d
food . A n d yo u h a ve lost t h e h e a rt to b e h u ngry.
T h is b rig h t p l a ce is n't re a lly a s a n ct u a ry. For, a m b u s h ed a m o ng its bottles a n d
c a rto n s a n d c a n s, a re s h oc k i ngly vivi d m em ories of m e a ls s h op p ed for, coo k ed, e a te n
wit h J i m . T h ey st a b o u t a t G eorge a s h e p asses, p u s h i ng h is s h op p i ng c a rt. S h o u ld we
ever feel tr u ly lo n ely if we n ever a te a lo n e?
B u t to s a y, I wo n't e a t a lo n e to n ig h t--is n't t h a t d e a d ly d a ngero u s? Is n't it t h e st a rt
of a lo ng la n d sli d e--fro m e a ti ng a t co u n ters a n d d ri n k i ng a t b a rs to d ri n k i ng a t h o m e
wit h o u t e a ti ng, to d esp a ir a n d sleep i ng p ills a n d t h e i n evit a b le fi n a l over dose? B u t w h o
s a ys I h a ve to b e b r a ve? G eorge a s k s. W h o d ep e n d s o n m e now? W h o c a res?
We're getti ng m a u d li n , h e s a ys, tryi ng to m a k e h is will c h oose b etwee n h a lib u t,
se a b ass, c h op p ed sirloi n , ste a k s. H e feels a n a u se a of dist a ste for t h e m a ll; t h e n s u d d e n
r age. D a m n all food . D a m n a ll life. H e wo u ld li k e to a b a n do n h is s h op pi ng c a rt, a lt h o u g h
it's a lre a d y f u ll of p rovisio n s. B u t t h a t wo u l d m a k e ex tr a wor k for t h e cler k s, a n d o n e of
t h e m is c u te. T h e a lter n a tive, to p u t t h e w h ole lot b a c k i n t h e p rop er p la ces h i m self,
see m s li k e a la bor of H erc u les; for t h e over poweri ng slot h of s a d n ess is u po n h i m . T h e
slot h t h a t e n d s i n goi ng to b ed a n d st a yi ng t h ere u n til yo u d evelop so me dise ase.
So h e w h eels t h e c a rt to t h e c a s h d es k , p a ys, stop s o n t h e w a y o u t to t h e c a r lot,
e n ters t h e p h o n e boot h , d i als.
" H ello. "
" H ello, C h a rley. "
" G eo!"
" Loo k --is it too la te to c h a nge m y m i n d? Abo u t to n ig h t? Yo u see--w h e n yo u c a lled
t h is m or n i ng--I t h o u g h t I h a d t h is d a te-- B u t I j u st h e a r d fro m t h e m – "
" O f co u rse it is n't too l a te!" S h e does n't eve n bot h er to liste n to h is lyi ng ex c u ses.
H er gl a d n ess fl a s h es its i n st a n t a n eo u s w a y to h i m , eve n fa ster t h a n h er wor d s, a cross
t h e zigz ag of t h e wires. A n d a t o n ce G eo a n d c h a rley a re li n k ed , a re yet a n ot h er of t h is
eve n i ng's l u c k y p a irs, a m id st all of its lon ely w a n d erers. If a n y of t h e cler k s were
w a tc h i ng h i m , t h ey wo u l d see h is fa ce i n si de t h e gl a ss box b rig h te n , fl u s h wit h joy li k e a
lover's.
" C a n I b ri ng yo u 'a n y t h i ng? I'm a t t h e m a r k et--"
" O h n o-- n o t h a n k yo u , G eo d e a r! I h a ve loa d s of food . I a lw a ys see m to get too
m u c h n ow a d a ys. I s u p pose it's b ec a u se... "
"I'll be over i n a little w h ile t h e n . H a ve to stop b y t h e h o u se, first. So lo ng. "
" O h , G eo--t h is is n ice! A u revoirl "
B u t h e is so u tterly p erverse t h a t h is m ood b egi n s to c h a nge aga i n before h e h as
eve n fi n is h ed u n lo a d i ng h is p u rc h a ses i n to t h e c a r. D o I rea lly w a n t to see h er? h e a s k s
h i m self, a n d t h e n , W h a t i n t h e world m a d e me do t h a t? H e p ict u res t h e eve n i ng h e m ig h t
h a ve sp e n t, s n u gly a t h o m e, fi x i ng t h e food he h a s bo u g h t, t h e n lyi ng dow n o n t h e co u c h
b esid e t h e boo k ca se a n d rea di ng h i m self slowly sleepy. A t first gla n ce, t h is is a n
a b sol u tely co n vi n ci ng a n d c h a r m i ng sce n e of do m estic co n te n t m e n t. O n ly after a few
i n st a n ces does G eorge n otice t h e o m issio n w h ic h m a k es it m ea n i ngless. W h a t is left o u t
of t h e p ict u re is J i m , lyi ng op posite h i m a t t h e ot h er e n d of t h e co u c h , a lso re a d i ng; t h e
two of t h e m a bsor b ed i n t h eir boo k s yet so com p letely a w a re of ea c h ot h er's p rese n ce.

B A C K a t h o m e, h e c h a nges o u t of h is s u it i n to a n a r m y-s u r p l u s store k h a k i s h irt, fa ded

b l u e de n i m s, m occ a si n s, a swe a ter. (H e h a s do u b ts fro m ti m e to ti m e a bo u t t h is k i n d of
cost u m e: D oes n't it give t h e i m p ressio n t h a t h e's tryi ng to d ress yo u ng? B u t J i m u sed to
tell h i m , No, it w a s j u st rig h t for hi m – it m a d e h i m loo k li k e Ro m m el i n civili a n clot h es.
G eorge loved t h a t.)
J u st w h e n h e's rea dy to le ave t h e h o u se aga i n , t h ere is a ri ng a t h is doorb ell. W h o
c a n it be a t t h is ho u r? M rs. Str u n k!
(W h a t h a ve I do n e t h a t s h e ca n h a ve co m e to co m p la i n a bo u t?)
" O h , good eve n i ng--" (O b vio u sly s h e's n ervo u s, self-co n scio u s; very m u c h a w a re,
n o do u b t, of h a vi ng crossed t h e fro n tier-b ridge a n d b ei ng o n e n e m y ter ritory.) "I k n ow
t h is is ter ri b ly s h ort n otice. I--we've m ea n t to a s k yo u so m a n y ti m es--I k n ow how b u sy
yo u a re--b u t we h ave n't gotte n toget h er i n s u c h a lo ng w h ile--a n d we were wo n d eri ng--
wo u l d yo u possi bly h ave ti m e to co m e over for a d ri n k ?"
"Yo u m e a n , rig h t n ow?"
" W h y, yes. T h ere's j u st t h e two of u s a t h o m e. "
"I'm m ost ter ri b ly sor ry. I'm afr ai d I h a ve to go o u t, rig h t a w a y. "
" O h . Well. I w a s afra id yo u wo u ld n't h a ve ti me. B u t--"
" No, liste n , " sa ys G eorge, a n d h e m e a n s it; he is ex tre m ely s u r p rised a n d p lea sed
a n d to u c h ed . "I re a lly wo u ld li k e to. V ery m u c h i n d eed . D o yo u s u p pose I co u l d t a k e a
r a i n c h ec k?"
" Well, yes, of co u rse. " B u t M rs. Str u n k does n't b elieve h i m . S h e s m iles s a d ly.
S u d d e n ly it see m s a ll-i m port a n t to G eorge to co n vi n ce h er.
"I wo u ld love to co m e. H ow a bo u t to m or row?"
H er fa ce fa lls. " O h well, to m or row. To m or row wo u l d n't b e so good, I'm afr ai d. Yo u
see, to m or row we h a ve so m e frie n d s co m i ng over fro m t h e V a lley, a n d... "
A n d t h ey m ig h t n otice so m et h i ng q u eer a bo u t m e, a n d yo u'd feel a s h a med , G eorge
t h i n k s, o k a y, o k a y.
"I u n d erst a n d , of co u rse, " h e s a ys. " B u t let's m a k e it very soo n , s h a ll we?"
" O h yes, " s h e agrees ferve n tly, "very soo n .... "

C H A R L O T T E lives o n Soled a d W a y, a n a r row u p h ill street w h ic h a t n ig h t is p a c k ed so

tig h t wit h c a rs p a r k ed o n bot h si d es of it t h a t two d rivers c a n sc a rcely sq u eeze p a st e a c h
ot h er. If yo u a r rive after its resi d e n ts h a ve ret u r n ed h o m e fro m t h eir job s, yo u w ill
p rob a bly h a ve to lea ve yo u r ca r severa l b loc k s a w a y, a t t h e botto m of t h e h ill. B u t t h is is
n o p roble m for G eorge, b eca u se h e c a n w a l k over to C h a rley's fro m h is h o u se i n less
t h a n five m i n u tes.
H er h o u se is h ig h u p o n t h e h illsi d e, a t t h e top of t h ree flig h ts of lopsi ded r u stic
wood e n step s, seve n ty-live of t h e m i n a ll. D ow n o n t h e street level t h ere is a t u m b ledow n
s h a c k i n te n d ed for a ga rage. S h e k eep s it cr a m m ed to t h e ceili ng wit h b a ttered tr u n k s
a n d cr a tes f u ll of u n w a n ted j u n k . J i m u sed to s a y t h a t s h e k ep t t h e ga r age b loc k ed i n
or d er n ot to b e a b le to ow n a c a r. I n a n y c a se, s h e a b sol u tely ref u ses to le a r n to d rive. If
s h e n eed s to go so m ep la ce a n d n o o n e offers to give h er a ri d e, well t h e n , t h a t's too b a d ,
s h e c a n't go. B u t t h e n eig h bors n e a rly a lw a ys do h el p h er; s h e h a s t h e m u tterly
i n ti m i d a ted a n d b ewitc h ed by t h is B ritis h n ess w h ic h G eorge h i m self k n ows so well h ow
to e m -p loy, t h o u g h wit h a d iffere n t a p p roa c h .
T h e h o u se n ex t to C h a rlotte's is o n t h e str eet level. As yo u b egi n to cli m b h er
step s, yo u get a n i n ti m a te gli m p se of do m estic sq u alor t h ro u g h its b a t h roo m wi n dow (it
m u st b e fr a n k ly a d m itted t h a t Soled a d is o ne w h ole d egree soci a lly i nferior to C a m p h or
T ree L a n e): a t u b h u ng wit h p a n ties a n d dia p ers, a do u c h e b ag sl u ng over t h e s h ower
p i pe, a p l u m b er's s n a k e o n t h e floor. No n e of t h e n eig h bors' k id s a re visi b le n ow, b u t yo u
c a n see h ow t h e h illsid e a bove t h eir h o m e h a s bee n tr a m p led i n to a b ric k - h a rd slip p ery
s u rfa ce wit h n ot h i ng a live o n it b u t so m e c a ct u s. A t t h e top of t h e slop e t h e re is a
co n tr a p tio n li k e a ga llows, wit h a n et for b a s k et b all a tt a c h ed to it.
C h a rlotte's slice of t h e h ill ca n still j u st b e d escrib ed a s a ga r de n . It is ter r a ced ,
a n d a few of t h e roses o n it a re i n b loo m . B u t t h ey h a ve b ee n s a d ly n eglected; w h e n
C h a rley is i n o n e of h er d ep ressive mood s, eve n t h e poor p l a n ts m u st s u ffer for it. T h ey
h a ve b ee n a llowed to grow o u t i n to a t a ngle of lo ng t h or n y s h oots, wit h t h e weed s t h ic k
b etwee n t h e m .
G eorge cli m b s slowly, t a k i ng it e a sy. (O n ly t h e very yo u ng a re n ot a s h a m ed to
a r rive p a n ti ng.) T h ese o u t door st airc a ses a re a fea t u re of t h e n eig h bor h ood . A few of
t h e m h a ve t h e origi n a l sig n s o n t h eir ste p s w h ic h were p a i n ted by t h e bo h e m i a n
colo n ists a n d a d d ressed, a p p a re n tly, to g u ests w h o were cla m b eri ng u p st a irs o n t h ei r
h a n d s a n d k n ees, d r u n k : U p w a rd a n d o n w a r d . N ever wea k e n . Yo u're i n b a d s h a p e,
sport. H ey--yo u ca n't d ie h ere! Ai n't t h is h e a ve n?
T h e st a irc a ses h a ve b eco m e, a s it were, t h e i n str u m e n ts of t h e colo n ists'
post h u m o u s ve ngea n ce o n t h eir s u p p la n ters, t h e m od er n h o u sewives; for t h ey d efy all
l a bor-s a vi ng d evices. S h ort of b ri ngi ng i n a gi a n t cr a n e, t h ere is a b sol u tely n o w a y of
getti ng a n y t h i ng u p t h e m ex cep t b y h a n d. T h e icebox , t h e stove, t h e b a t h t u b a n d a ll of
t h e f u r n it u re h a ve h a d to b e p u s h ed a n d d r agged u p to C h a rley's b y stro ng, sa v agely
c u rsi ng m e n . W h o t h e n cl a p p ed o n h u ge ex tr a c h a rges a n d ex p ected tri ple tip s.
C h a rley co mes o u t of t h e h o u se a s h e n e a rs t h e top . S h e h a s b ee n w a tc h i ng for
h i m , a s u s u a l, a n d n o do u b t fe a ri ng so m e l ast- m o m e n t c h a nge i n h is p l a n s. T h ey m eet
o n t h e ti n y u n s afe wood e n porc h o u tsid e t h e fro n t door, a n d h u g. G eorge feels h er soft
b u l k y body p ressed agai n st h is. T h e n , a b r u p tly, s h e relea ses h i m wit h a s m a rt p a t o n
t h e b a c k , a s m u c h a s to s h ow h i m t h a t s h e i s n't goi ng to over d o t h e affectio n ; s h e k n ows
w h e n e n o u g h is e n o u g h .
" C o m e a lo ng i n wit h yo u , " s h e s a ys.
B efore followi ng h er i n doors, G eorge ca sts a gl a n ce o u t over t h e little v alley to t h e
li n e of boa r d w a l k la m p s w h ere t h e b ea c h begi n s a n d t h e d a r k u n see n oce a n . T h is is a
m il d wi n dless n ig h t, wit h stre a k s of se a fog d i m m i ng t h e lig h ts i n t h e h o u ses b elow.
F ro m t h is porc h , w h e n t h e fog is re a lly t h ic k , yo u c a n't see t h e h o u ses a t a ll a n d t h e
lig h ts a re j u st b l u rs, a n d C h a rlotte's n est see m s m a rvelo u sly re m ote fro m every w h e re
else i n t h e world .
It is a si m p le rect a ng u l a r box, o n e of t h ose p refa b s w h ic h were p u t u p rig h t after
t h e w a r. N ewsp a p ers e n t h u sed over t h e m , t h ey were a ccl ai m ed as t h e h o m es of t h e
f u t u re; b u t t h ey d i d n't c a tc h o n . T h e livi ng roo m is floored wit h t a t a m i, a n d m ore t h a n
so m ew h a t O rie n t a l-gift-s h op i n d ecor. A te a h o u se l a n ter n b y t h e door, wi n d b ells a t t h e
wi n dows, a h u ge red p a p er fis h - k ite p i n n ed to t h e w a ll. Two p ict u re scrolls: a m a dly
J a p a n ese tiger s n a rli ng a t a swoop i ng (A m eric a n?) eagle; a n i m m or t a l sitti ng u n d er a
tree, wit h h a lf a doze n twe n ty-foot h a irs growi ng o u t of h is c h i n . T h ree low co u c h es
littered wit h ga y sil k c u s h io n s, too ti n y for a ny u sef u l p u r pose b u t perfect for t h rowi ng a t
p eop le.
"I s a y, I've j u st re a lized t h a t t h ere's a m os t g h a stly s m ell of coo k i ng i n h ere!"
C h a rlotte ex cl a i m s. T h ere cert a i n ly is. G eorge a n swers politely t h a t it's a d elicio u s s m ell
a n d t h a t it m a k es h i m h u ngry.
"I'm tryi ng a n ew k i n d of stew, as a m a tter of fa ct. I got t h e i d e a fro m a m a rvelo u s
tr a vel boo k M y r n a C u ster j u st b ro u g h t m e-- a bo u t B or n eo. O n ly t h e a u t h or gets slig h tly
v ag u e, so I've h a d to i m p rovise a b it. I m e a n , h e does n't co m e rig h t o u t a n d s a y so, b u t I
h a ve a s u spicio n t h a t o n e's s u p posed to m a k e it wit h h u m a n fles h . Act u a lly, I've u sed
leftovers fro m a joi n t... "
S h e is a lot yo u nger t h a n G eorge--forty-five n ex t b irt h d a y--b u t, a lrea dy, li k e h i m,
s h e is a s u rvivor. S h e h a s t h e s u rvivor's ty p ica l b a ttered dogged n ess. To j u dge fro m
p h otogr a p h s, s h e w a s a d eq u a tely p retty as long a s h er b ig gra y eyes were co m bi n ed wit h
soft yo u t hf u l colori ng. H er poor c h ee k s a re swolle n a n d i nfl a m ed n ow, a n d h er h a ir,
w h ic h m u st o n ce h a ve m a d e a c h a r m i ng b l u r a ro u n d h er face, is m erely u n ti d y.
N evert h eless, s h e h a s n't give n u p . H er d ress s h ows a grotesq u e k i n d of ga ll a n try, ill-
a d vised b u t e n de a ri ng: a n e m b roid ered p e as a n t b lo u se i n bold colors, red , yellow a n d
violet, wit h t h e sleeves rolled u p to t h e el bows; a gi p syis h M ex ica n s k irt w h ic h loo k s a s if
s h e h a d gird ed it o n li k e a b la n k et, wit h a silver-st u d d ed cowboy b elt--it o n ly e m p h a sizes
h er l a c k of s h a p e. O h, a n d if s h e m u st we a r s a n d als wit h b a re feet, w h y wo n't s h e m a k e
u p h er toe n a ils? (M a y b e a li ngeri ng m id dle-cl a ss M i dl a n ds p u rit a n is m is i n op er a tio n
h ere.) J i m o n ce s ai d to h er k i d d i ngly a bo u t a si m il a r o u tfit, "I see yo u've a dop ted o u r
n a tive cost u m e, C h a rley. " S h e l a u g h ed , n ot a t a ll offe n d ed, b u t s h e di d n't get t h e poi n t.
S h e h a s n't gotte n i t yet. T h is is h er i d e a of i nfor m a l C alifor n i a n p l a y wea r, a n d s h e
h o n estly c a n n ot see t h a t s h e d resses a n y d iffere n tly fro m M rs. Pea body n ex t door.
" H a ve I told yo u , G eo? No, I'm s u re I h ave n't. I've a lre a d y m a d e two N ew Ye a r's
resol u tio n s--o n ly t h ey're effective i m m ed i a tely. T h e first is, I'm goi ng to a d m it t h a t I
lo a t h e bo u r bo n. " (S h e p ro n o u n ces it li k e t h e d y n a sty, n ot t h e d ri n k .) "I've b ee n
p rete n d i ng n ot to, ever si n ce I c a m e to t h is co u n try--a ll b eca u se B u d dy d ra n k it. B u t,
let's face it, w h o do I t h i n k I'm k i d d i ng n ow?" S h e s m iles a t G eorge very b r a vely a n d
b rig h tly, re a ss u ri ng h i m t h a t t h is is n ot a p rel u d e to a n a tt a c k of t h e B u d d y-b l u es; t h e n
q u ic k ly co n ti n u es, " M y ot h er resol u tio n is t h a t I'm goi ng to stop d e n yi ng t h a t t h a t
i nf u ri a ti ng a cc u s a tio n is tr u e: Wo m e n do m ix d ri n k s too stro ng, d a m n it! I s u p pose it's
p a rt of o u r ter ri b le a n x iety to ple a se. So let's b egi n t h e n ew regi m e a s of n ow, s h a ll we?
Yo u co m e a n d m ix yo u r ow n d ri n k a n d m i n e too--a n d I'd li k e a vod k a a n d to n ic, p le a se. "
S h e h a s obvio u sly h a d a t lea st a co u ple alre a d y. H er h a n ds f u m b le a s s h e lig h ts a
ciga rette. (T h e I n do n esia n a s h tr a y is f u ll, a s u s u a l, of lip stic k - m a r k ed st u b s.) T h e n s h e
le a ds t h e w a y i n to t h e k itc h e n wit h h er c u rio u s rolli ng ga it w h ic h is n e a rly a li m p ,
s u ggesti ng a rt h ritis a n d t h e k i n d of to u g h n ess t h a t goes wit h it.
"It w a s sweet of yo u to co me to n ig h t, G eo. "
H e gri n s s u it a bly, s a ys n ot h i ng.
"Yo u b ro k e yo u r ot h er a p poi n t m e n t, di d n't yo u ?"
"I d id n ot! I told yo u o n t h e p h o n e--t h ese p eop le c a n celed a t t h e l a st mi n u te--"
" O h , G eo d e a r, co m e off it! Yo u k n ow, I so meti m es t h i n k , a bo u t yo u , w h e n ever yo u
do so m et h i ng re a lly sweet, yo u're a s h a m ed of it after w a r d s! Yo u k n ew jolly well h ow
b a d ly I n eeded yo u to n ig h t, so yo u b ro k e t h a t a p poi n t m e n t. I co u ld tell yo u were fib b i ng,
t h e m i n u te yo u op e n ed yo u r mo u t h! Yo u a n d I ca n't p u ll t h e wool over ea c h ot h er's eyes.
I fo u n d t h a t o u t, lo ng ago. H ave n't yo u --after a ll t h ese ye a rs?"
"I cert a i n ly s h o u ld h a ve, " h e agrees, s mili ng a n d t h i n k i ng w h a t a n a b s u rd a n d
u n ivers a lly a ccep ted bit of n o n se n se it is t h a t yo u r b est frie n d s m u st n ecess a rily b e t h e
o n es w h o b est u n d erst a n d yo u . As if t h ere w ere n't fa r too m u c h u n d erst a n d i ng i n t h e
worl d a lre a d y; a bove all, t h a t u n d erst a n d i ng b etwee n lovers, celeb r a ted i n so ng a n d
story, w h ic h is a ct u a lly s u c h tort u re t h a t n o two of t h e m c a n b e a r it wit h o u t freq u e n t
sep a ra tio n s or fig h ts. D e a r old C h a rley, h e t h i n k s, a s h e fi xes t h eir s n orts i n h er
cl u ttered , n o n e-too-cle a n k itc h e n , h ow co u l d I h a ve gotte n t h ro u g h t h ese l a st ye a rs
wit h o u t yo u r wo n d erf u l l ac k of p ercep tio n? H ow m a n y ti m es, w h e n J i m a n d I h a d b ee n
q u a r reli ng a n d c a m e to visit yo u --s u l k i ng, a void i ng ea c h ot h er's eyes, t al k i ng to e a c h
ot h er o n ly t h ro u g h yo u --d id yo u so m e h ow b ri ng u s toget h er agai n by t h e s h eer power of
yo u r u n a w a re n ess t h a t a n y t h i ng w a s w ro ng?
A n d n ow, a s G eorge po u rs t h e vod k a (givi ng h er a lig h t o n e, to slow h er dow n) a n d
t h e Scotc h (givi ng h i m self a h e a vier o n e, to c a tc h u p o n), h e b egi n s to feel t h is u tterly
m ysterio u s u n se n s a tio n al t h i ng-- n ot b liss, n ot ecst a sy, n ot joy--j u st p l ai n h a p p i n ess.
D a s G l u ec k , le bo n h e u r, l a felici d a d --t h ey h a ve give n it a ll t h ree ge n d ers, b u t o n e h a s to
a d m it, h owever gr u dgi ngly, t h a t t h e S p a n is h a re rig h t; it is u s u a lly fe m i n i n e, t h a t's to
s a y, wo m a n -cre a ted. C h a rley cre a tes it a ston is h i ngly ofte n ; t h is do u b tless is so m et h i ng
else s h e is n't a w a re of, si n ce s h e ca n do it eve n w h e n s h e h erself is m ise r a b le. As for
G eorge, h is felicid a d is s u b li m ely selfis h ; h e c a n e n joy it u n p ert u r b ed w h ile C h a rley is i n
t h e m i d st of B u d d y-b l u es or a F red -crisis (o n e is b rewi ng t h is eve n i ng, ob vio u sly).
H owever, t h ere a re u n l u c k y occa sio n s w h en yo u get h er b l u es wit h o u t yo u r felici d a d,
a n d it's a gra veya r d bore. B u t n ot t h is eve n i ng. T h is eve n i ng h e is goi ng to e n joy h i m self.
C h a rlotte, m e a n w h ile, h a s p ee k ed i n to t h e ove n a n d t h e n closed its door agai n ,
a n n o u n ci ng, " Twe n ty m ore m i n u tes, " wit h t h e a b sol u te co nfid e n ce of a gre a t c h ef, w h ic h
b y G od s h e is n't.
 As t h ey w al k b a c k i n to t h e livi ng roo m with t h eir d ri n k s, s h e tells h i m , " F red
c a lled m e--l a te l a st n ig h t. " T h is is sa i d i n h er fl a t, u n der p la yed crisis-to n e.
" O h?" G eorge m a n ages to so u n d s u fficie n tly s u r p rised. " W h ere is h e n ow?"
"P a lo Alto. " C h a rlotte sits dow n o n t h e co u c h u n d er t h e p a p er fis h , wit h co n scio u s
d r a m a, a s t h o u g h s h e h a s s ai d, " Si b eria . "
"P a lo Alto-- h e w a s t h ere b efore, w a s n't h e?"
" O f co u rse h e w a s. T h a t's w h ere t h a t girl lives. H e's wit h h er, n a t u r a lly... I m u st
le a r n n ot to s a y 't h a t girl.' S h e's got a p erfectly good n a me, a n d I c a n h a r d ly p rete n d I
do n't k n ow it: Lorett a M a rc u s. A n y h ow, it's no n e of m y b u si n ess w h o F red's wit h or w h a t
s h e does wit h F red . H er mot h er does n't see m to c a re. Well, n ever m i n d a n y of t h a t.... We
h a d a lo ng t a l k . T h is ti m e, h e re ally w a s q u ite sweet a n d re a so n a b le a bo u t t h e w h ole
sit u a tio n . A t le a st, I co u ld feel h ow h a r d h e w a s tryi ng to b e... G eo, it's n o good o u r goi ng
o n li k e t h is. H e h a s m a d e u p h is m i n d, re ally a n d tr u ly. H e w a n ts a co m p lete b rea k . "
H er voice is tre m b li ng o mi n o u sly. G eorge sa ys wit h o u t co n victio n , " H e's a wf u lly
yo u ng, still. "
" H e's a wf u lly old for h is age. E ve n two ye a rs ago h e co u l d h ave loo k ed after
h i m self if h e'd h a d to. J u st bec a u se h e's a m i n or, I c a n't tre a t h i m li k e a c h ild --I m e a n ,
a n d u se t h e l a w to m a k e h i m co m e b a c k . B esi d es, t h e n , h e'd n ever forgive m e--"
" H e's c h a nged h is mi n d b efore t h is. "
" O h , I k n ow. A n d I k n ow yo u t h i n k h e h a s n't b e h a ved well to m e, G eo. I do n't
b l a m e yo u for t h i n k i ng t h a t. I m ea n , it's n a t u r a l for yo u to t a k e m y sid e. A n d t h e n ,
yo u've n ever h a d a n y c h il d re n of yo u r ow n . Yo u do n't m i n d m y sa yi ng t h a t, G eo d e a r?
O h , I'm sor ry--"
" D o n't b e silly, C h a rley. "
" E ve n if yo u h a d h a d c h il d re n, it wo u l d n't re ally b e t h e s a m e. T h is m ot h er a n d so n
t h i ng--I m e a n , esp ecia lly w h e n yo u've h a d to b ri ng h i m u p wit h o u t a fa t h er--t h a t's re a lly
h ell. I m e a n , yo u try a n d yo u try--b u t every t h i ng yo u do or s a y see m s to t u r n o u t w ro ng.
I s m ot h er h i m -- h e s a i d t h a t to m e o n ce. A t first I co u l d n't u n d erst a n d --I j u st co u ld n't
a ccep t it--b u t n ow I do--I've got to--a n d I h on estly t h i n k I do-- h e m u st live h is ow n life--
rig h t a w a y fro m m e--eve n if h e b egs m e to, I si m p ly m u st n't see h i m for a lo ng lo ng
w h ile--I'm sor ry, G eo--I di d n't m e a n to do t h is--I'm so--sor ry--"
G eorge m oves closer to h er o n t h e co u c h , p u ts o n e a r m a ro u n d h er, sq u eezes h er
sob b i ng pl u m p n ess ge n tly, wit h o u t sp e a k i ng. H e is n ot cold ; h e is n ot u n m oved . H e is
tr u ly sor ry for C h a rley a n d t h is m ess--a n d yet--l a felici d a d re m a i n s i n t a ct; h e is very
m u c h a t h is c a se. Wit h h is free h a n d , h e h elp s h i m self to a sip of h is d ri n k , b ei ng c a ref u l
n ot to let t h e m ove m e n t be felt t h ro u g h t h e e ngaged sid e of h is body.
B u t h ow very str a nge to sit h ere wit h C h a rley sob bi ng a n d re m e m b er t h a t n ig h t
w h e n t h e lo ng-d ist a n ce c a ll c a m e t h ro u g h fro m O h io. A n u n cle of J i m's w h o m h e'd n ever
m et--t ryi ng to b e sy m p a t h etic, eve n a d m itti ng G eorge's rig h t to a s m a ll h o n or a ry s h a re
i n t h e s a cred fa m ily grief--b u t t h e n , a s t h ey t a l k ed, b eco mi ng a b it c h illed b y G eorge's
l a co n ic Yes, I see, yes, h is c u rt No, t h a n k yo u , to t h e f u n er a l i n vit a tio n --d ecid i ng n o
do u b t t h a t t h is m u c h t a l k ed of roo m m a te h a d n't b ee n s u c h a close frie n d, after a ll....
A n d t h e n , a t lea st five mi n u tes after G eorge h a d p u t dow n t h e p h o n e w h e n t h e first
s h oc k w a ve h it, w h e n t h e m ea n i ngless n ews s u d d e n ly me a n t ex a ctly w h a t it s ai d , h is
b l u n d eri ng ga spi ng r u n u p t h e h ill i n t h e d a r k , h is bli n d st u m b li ng o n t h e step s,
b a ngi ng a t C h a rley's door, cryi ng b l u b b eri ng h owli ng o n h er s h o u ld er, i n h er l a p , a ll over
h er; a n d C h a rley sq u eezi ng h i m, stro k i ng h is h a ir, telli ng h i m t h e u s u a l st u ff o n e tells....
L a te n ex t after n oo n , a s h e s h oo k h i m self o u t of t h e d a ze of t h e sleep i ng p ills s h e'd give n
h i m , h e felt o n ly disg u st: I b etr a yed yo u , J i m ; I b etr a yed o u r life toget h er; I m a d e yo u
i n to a sob story for a s k irt. B u t t h a t w a s j u st h ysteri a , p a rt of t h e seco n d s h oc k w a ve. It
soo n p a ssed . A n d m ea n w h ile C h a rley, b less h er silly h e a rt, too k t h e sit u a tio n over m ore
a n d m ore co m p letely--coo k i ng h is m ea ls a n d b ri ngi ng t h e m dow n to t h e h o u se w h ile h e
w a s o u t, t h e d is h es w r a p p ed i n ti nfoil re a d y to b e re h e a ted; le a vi ng h i m n otes u rgi ng h i m
to c a ll h er a t a n y h o u r h e felt t h e n eed , t h e d e a d er of n ig h t t h e b etter; h i d i ng t h e tr u t h
fro m h er frie n d s wit h s u c h visi b ly se a led li ps t h a t t h ey m u st s u rely h a ve s u sp ected J i m
h a d fled t h e st a te after so m e sex sc a n d a l-- u n til a t l a st s h e h a d t u r n ed J i m's d e a t h i n to
so m et h i ng of h er ow n cre a tio n e n tirely, a roa ri ng fa rce. (G eorge is gri n n i ng to h i m self,
n ow.) O h yes i n deed, h e is gl a d t h a t h e r a n to h er t h a t n ig h t. T h a t n ig h t, i n p u rest
ig n or a n ce, s h e t a u g h t h i m a lesso n h e will n ever forget-- n a m ely, t h a t yo u c a n't b etr a y
(t h a t i d iotic ex p ressio n!) a J i m , or a life wit h a J i m , eve n if yo u try to.
B y n ow, C h a rlotte h a s sob bed h erself i n to a ca l m . After a co u p le of s n iffs, s h e s a ys
" Sor ry " aga i n , a n d stop s.
"I k eep wo n d eri ng j u st w h e n it b ega n to go w ro ng. "
" O h , C h a rley, for h e a ve n's s a k e, w h a t good does t h a t do?"
" O f co u rse, if B u d d y a n d I h a d st a yed toget h er--"
" No o n e ca n s a y t h a t w a s yo u r fa u lt. "
"It's a lw a ys bot h people's. "
" D o yo u h ea r fro m h i m n ow a d a ys?"
" O h yes, every so ofte n . T h ey're still i n Scr a n to n .
H e's o u t of a job . A n d D eb b ie j u st h a d a n ot h er b a b y t h a t's t h eir t h ir d --a n ot h er
d a u g h ter. I ca n't t h i n k h ow t h ey m a n age. I k eep tryi ng to stop h i m se n di ng a n y m ore
m o n ey, eve n t h o u g h it is for F red . B u t h e's so obsti n a te, poor la m b , w h e n h e t h i n k s
so m et h i ng's h is d u ty. Well, fro m n ow o n , I s u p pose h e a n d F red will h ave to wor k t h a t
o u t b etwee n t h e m . I'm o u t of t h e pict u re a ltoget h er--"
T h ere is a b lea k little p a u se. G eorge gives h er a n e n co u r agi ng p a t o n t h e s h o u l d er.
" H ow a bo u t a co u p le of q u ic k o n es before t h a t stew?"
"I t h i n k t h a t's a positively b rilli a n t i d ea!" S h e l a u g h s q u ite gaily. B u t t h e n , a s h e
t a k es t h e gla ss fro m h er, s h e stro k es h is h a n d wit h a mo m e n t a ry ret u r n to p a t h os,
"Yo u're so d a m n ed good to m e, G eo. " H er eyes fill wit h te a rs. H owever, h e ca n d ece n tly
p rete n d t h a t h e h a s n't n oticed t h e m , so h e w a l k s a w a y.
If I'd b ee n t h e o n e t h e tr u c k h it, h e sa ys to hi m self, a s h e e n ters t h e k itc h e n , J i m
wo u l d b e rig h t h ere, t h is very eve n i ng, w a l k i ng t h ro u g h t h is door w a y, ca r ryi ng t h ese two
gl a sses. T h i ngs a re a s si m p le a s t h a t.

S O h ere we a re, " C h a rlotte s a ys, "j u st t h e two of u s. J u st yo u a n d m e. "

T h ey a re d ri n k i ng t h eir coffee after d i n n er. T h e stew t u r n ed o u t q u ite a s u ccess,
t h o u g h n ot n otice a b ly d iffere n t fro m a ll C h a rlotte's ot h er stews, its rel a tio n s h i p to
B or n eo bei ng a l m ost e n tirely liter a ry.
" J u st t h e two of u s, " s h e rep e a ts.
G eorge s m iles a t h er v ag u ely, n ot s u re yet if t h is is a le a d -i n to so m et h i ng, or o n ly
se n te n tio u s-se n ti m e n t a l w a r m t h a risi ng from t h e wi n e. T h ey h a d a bo u t a bottle a n d a
h a lf b etwee n t h e m .
B u t t h e n , slowly, t h o u g h tf u lly, a s t h o u g h t h is were a m ere b it of ir releva n t
fe m i n i n e m u si ng, s h e a d d s, "I s u p pose, i n a d a y or two, I m u st get a ro u n d to cle a n i ng
o u t F red's roo m. "
A p a u se.
"I m e a n , u n til I've do n e t h a t, I wo n't feel t h a t every t h i ng's re a lly over. Yo u h a ve to
do so m et h i ng, to co n vi n ce yo u rself. Yo u k n ow w h a t I m e a n?"
"Yes, C h a rley. I t h i n k so. "
"I s h a ll se n d F red a n y t h i ng h e n eed s, of co u rse. T h e rest I c a n store a w a y. T h ere's
h e a p s of sp a ce u n der t h e h o u se. "
" A re yo u p l a n n i ng to re n t h is roo m?" G eorge a s k s--b ec a u se, if s h e is lea di ng u p to
so m et h i ng, t h ey m a y as well get to it.
" O h n o, I co u l d n't possib ly do t h a t. Well, n ot to a str a nger, a n y h ow. O n e co u l d n't
offer h i m a n y re a l p riv acy. H e'd h a ve to b e p a rt of t h e fa m ily --o h d e a r, I m u st stop u si ng
t h a t ex p ressio n , it's o n ly force of h a b it.... Still, yo u u n d erst a n d, G eo. It wo u l d h ave to b e
so m eo n e I k n ew m ost a wf u lly well--"
"I c a n see t h a t. "
"Yo u k n ow, yo u a n d I--it's f u n n y--we're re a lly i n t h e s a me bo a t n ow. O u r h o u ses
a re k i n d of too big for u s, a n d yet t h ey're too s m a ll. "
" D ep e n d i ng o n w h ic h w a y yo u loo k a t it. "
"Yes.... G eo d a rli ng--if I a s k yo u so m et h i ng--it's n ot t h a t I'm tryi ng to p ry or
a n y t h i ng--"
" Go a head."
" Now t h a t--well, n ow t h a t so m e ti m e h as gon e b y--do yo u still feel t h a t yo u w a n t
to live a lo n e?"
"I n ever w a n ted to live a lo n e, C h a rley. "
" O h , I k n ow! F orgive m e. I n ever m e a n t--"

"I k n ow yo u d id n't. T h a t's p erfectly a ll rig h t. "

" O f co u rse, I k n ow h ow yo u m u st feel a bo u t t h a t h o u se of yo u rs. Yo u've n ever
t h o u g h t of m ovi ng, h a ve yo u ?"
" No-- n ot serio u sly. "
" No--" (T h is is a b it wistf u l.) "I s u p pose yo u wo u ld n't. I s u p pose--a s lo ng a s yo u
st a y t h ere--yo u feel closer to J i m . Is n't t h a t it?"
" M a y b e t h a t's it. "
S h e re a c h es over a n d gives h is h a n d a lo ng sq u eeze of deep u n d erst a n d i ng. T h e n ,
st u b b i ng o u t h er ciga rette (b r a ve, n ow, for bot h of t h e m), s h e s a ys b rig h tly, " Wo u l d yo u
li k e to get u s so m e d ri n k s, G eo?"
" T h e d is h es, first. "
" O h , b u t, d a rli ng, let's lea ve t h e m , p lea se! I'll w a s h t h e m i n t h e m or n i ng. I m e a n ,
I'd li k e to. It gives m e so m et h i ng to do t h ese d a ys. T h ere's so little--"
" No a rg u m e n ts, C h a rley! If yo u wo n't h el p m e, I'll do t h e m alo n e. "
" O h , G eo!"

A N D n ow, h a lf a n h o u r la ter, t h ey're b a c k i n t h e livi ng roo m aga i n , wit h fres h d ri n k s i n

t h eir h a n d s.
" H ow ca n yo u p rete n d yo u do n't love it?" s h e is as k i ng h i m , wit h a te a si ng,
coq u ettis h rep ro ac hf u l n ess. " A n d yo u m iss it--yo u wis h yo u were b a c k t h ere--yo u k n ow
yo u do!" T h is is o n e of h er fa vorite t h e m es.
"I'm n ot p rete n d i ng a n y t h i ng, C h a rley, for he a ve n's sa k e! Yo u k eep ig n ori ng t h e
fa ct t h a t I h a ve b ee n b a c k t h ere, sever al ti m es; a n d yo u h a ve n't. I'm a b sol u tely willi ng to
a d m it t h a t I li k e it b etter every ti m e I do go. I n fa ct, rig h t n ow I t h i n k it's p rob a b ly t h e
m ost ex tr a or di n a ry co u n try i n t h e world --b ec a u se it's s u c h a m a rvelo u s m ix - u p .
E very t h i ng's c h a nged , a n d yet n ot h i ng h a s. I do n't b elieve I ever told yo u t h is--l a st ye a r,
i n t h e m i d d le of t h e s u m m er, w h e n J i m a n d I were over t h ere, yo u re m e m b er, we m a d e a
tri p t h ro u g h t h e C otswol d s. Well, o n e m or n i ng we were o n t h is little b r a n c h -li n e tr a i n ,
a n d we stop p ed a t a vill age w h ic h w a s rig h t o u t of a Te n n yso n poe m --sleep y m e a dows a ll
a ro u n d , a n d la zy cows, a n d m o a n i ng doves, a n d i m m e m ori a l el m s, a n d t h e E liz a b et h a n
m a n or h o u se s h owi ng t h ro u g h t h e trees. A n d t h ere, o n t h e p la tfor m , were two porters
d ressed j u st t h e sa m e w a y porters h ave b ee n d ressed si n ce t h e n i n etee n t h ce n t u ry. O n ly
t h ey were N egroes fro m Tri n i d a d. A n d t h e tic k et collector a t t h e ga te w a s C h i n ese. I
n e a rly d ied of joy. I m ea n , it w a s t h e o n e to u c h t h a t h a d b ee n l a c k i ng, a ll t h ese yea rs. It
fi n a lly m a d e t h e w hole p la ce p erfect--"
"I'm n ot s u re h ow I s h o u l d li k e t h a t p a rt of it, " s a ys C h a rlotte. H er ro m a n ticis m
h a s received a jolt, as h e k n ew it wo u l d. I n deed , h e h a s tol d t h is story to te a se h er. B u t
s h e wo n't b e p u t off. S h e w a n ts m ore. S h e is j u st i n t h e m ood for ti p sy d a y d rea m i ng.
" A n d t h e n yo u we n t u p Nort h , d i d n't yo u , " sh e p ro m p ts h i m , " to loo k a t t h e h o u se yo u
were bor n i n?"
"Yes. "
" Tell m e a bo u t it!"
" O h , C h a rley--I've tol d yo u doze n s of ti m es!"
" Tell m e aga i n --p lea se, G eo!"
S h e is as p ersiste n t a s a c h ild ; a n d G eorge ca n seldo m ref u se h er, esp eci a lly after
h e's h a d a few d ri n k s.
"It u sed to b e a fa r m h o u se, yo u k n ow. It w a s b u ilt i n 1 6 4 9 --t h e ye a r t h ey
b e h e a d ed C h a rles t h e F irst--"
" 1 6 4 9! O h , G eo--j u st t h i n k of it!"
" T h ere a re sever a l ot h er fa r m s i n t h e n eigh bor h ood m u c h ol der t h a n t h a t. O f
co u rse, it's h a d a lot of alter a tio n s. T h e p eop le w h o live t h ere n ow -- h e's a televisio n
p rod u cer i n M a n c h ester-- h a ve p r a ctica lly reb u ilt t h e i n sid e of it. P u t i n a n ew st a irca se
a n d a n ex tr a b a t h roo m a n d m od er n ized t h e k itc h e n . A n d t h e ot h er d a y t h ey w rote m e
t h a t t h ey n ow h a ve ce n tr a l h e a ti ng. "
" H ow h or rib le! T h ere o u g h t to b e a la w aga i nst r u i n i ng b ea u tif u l ol d h o u ses. T h is
cr a ze for b ri ngi ng t h i ngs u p to d a te--I s u p pose t h ey've c a u g h t it fro m t h is blood y
co u n try. "
" D o n't b e a goose, C h a rley d a rli ng! T h e p l a ce w a s a ll b u t u n i n h a b it a ble t h e w a y it
w a s. It's b u ilt of t h a t loc a l sto n e w h ic h seem s to s u c k u p every d rop of m oist u re i n t h e
a ir. A n d t h ere's p le n ty, i n t h a t g h a stly cli m a te. E ve n i n s u m m er t h e w a lls u sed to b e
cl a m m y; a n d i n wi n ter, if yo u we n t i n to a roo m w h ere t h e fire h a d n't b ee n lig h ted for a
few d a ys, it w a s cold a s d e a t h . T h e cell a r act u a lly s m elt li k e a to m b . Mol d w a s a lw a ys
for m i ng o n t h e boo k s, a n d t h e w a ll p a p er k ept p eeli ng off, a n d t h e m o u n ts of t h e p ic t u res
were spotted wit h d a m p .... "
" W h a tever yo u s a y a bo u t it, d a rli ng, yo u alw a ys m a k e it so u n d so m a rvelo u sly
ro m a n tic. E x a ctly li k e W u t h eri ng H eig h ts!"
" Act u a lly, it's a l m ost s u b u r b a n n ow a d a ys. Yo u w a l k dow n a s h ort l a n e a n d t h ere
yo u a re, o n t h e m ai n ro a d , wit h b u ses r u n n i ng every twe n ty m i n u tes i n to M a n c h ester. "
" B u t d i d n't yo u tell m e t h e h o u se is o n t h e edge of t h e m oors?"
" Well, yes--so it is. T h a t's w h a t's so od d a bo u t it. It's k i n d of i n two world s. W h e n
yo u loo k o u t fro m t h e b a c k --fro m t h e roo m I w a s bor n i n , a s a m a tter of fa ct--t h a t view
liter a lly h as n't c h a nged si n ce I w a s a boy. Yo u still see h a r d ly a n y h o u ses--j u st t h e op e n
h ills, a n d t h e sto n e w a lls r u n n i ng over t h e m , a n d a few little w h itew as h ed dots of fa r m s.
A n d of co u rse t h e trees a ro u n d t h e ol d fa r m y a r d were pl a n ted lo ng, lo ng b efore I w a s
bor n , to s h elter t h e h o u se--t h ere's a lot of wi n d u p t h ere, o n t h e ri dge--gre a t big b eec h
trees--t h ey m a k e a sort of seet h i ng so u n d , li k e w a ves--t h a t's o n e of t h e e a rliest so u n d s I
re m e m b er. I so m eti m es wo n d er if t h a t's w h y I a lw a ys h a ve h a d t h is t h i ng a bo u t w a n ti ng
to live n ea r t h e oce a n --"
So m et h i ng is h a p p e n i ng to G eorge. To p lease C h a rley, h e h a s st a rted to m a k e
m agic; a n d n ow t h e m agic is t a k i ng h old of hi m . H e is q u ite a w a re of t h is--b u t w h a t's t h e
h a r m? It's f u n . It a d d s a n ew di m e n sio n to b ei ng d r u n k . J u st a s lo ng as t h ere's n o o n e to
h e a r h i m b u t C h a rley! S h e is sig h i ng d eep ly n ow wit h sy m p a t h y a n d d elig h t--t h e d elig h t
of a n a d d ict w h e n so m eo n e else a d m its h e's h oo k ed , too.
" T h ere's a little p u b h ig h u p o n t h e m oors, t h e very l a st h o u se i n t h e vill age--
a ct u a lly it's o n t h e old coa c h i ng roa d over t h e h ills, w h ic h h a r d ly a n yo n e u ses n ow. J i m
a n d I u sed to go t h ere i n t h e eve n i ngs. It's c a lled T h e F a r m er's B oy. T h e b a r p a rlor h a s
o n e of t h ose low, very h ea vy-loo k i ng ceili ngs, yo u k n ow, wit h w a rp ed o a k b e a ms; a n d
t h ere's a big op e n fire-p la ce. A n d so m e fox es' m a s k s m o u n ted o n t h e w a ll. A n d a n
e ngr a vi ng of Q u ee n V ictoria rid i ng a po n y i n t h e H ig h la n d s--"
C h a rlotte is so d elig h ted t h a t s h e a ct u a lly cl a p s h er h a n d s. " G eo! O h , I ca n j u st
see it all!"
 " O n e n ig h t we were t h ere, t h ey st a yed ope n ex tr a la te, b eca u se it w a s J i m's
b irt h d a y--t h a t is, t h ey s h u t t h e o u tsi d e door a n d we n t rig h t o n servi ng d ri n k s. We felt
m a rvelo u sly cozy, a n d we d r a n k p i n ts a n d p i n ts of G u i n n ess, fa r m ore t h a n we w a n ted ,
j u st b ec a u se it w a s illega l. A n d t h e n t h ere w a s a `c h a r a cter'--t h a t w a s h ow t h ey a ll
d escrib ed h i m --`0 h , h e's a c h a ra cter, h e is!' n a m ed Rex , w h o w a s a k i n d of a r u stic b e a t.
H e wor k ed a s a fa r m l a borer, b u t o n ly w h e n h e a b sol u tely h a d to. H e st a rted t a l k i ng i n a
very s u p erior to n e to i m p ress u s. H e tol d J i m , 'Yo u Y a n k s a re livi ng i n a world of
fa n t a sy!' B u t t h e n h e got m u c h m ore frie n d ly, a n d w h e n we were w a l k i ng b a c k to t h e i n n
w h ere we were st a yi ng, a bsol u tely p l astered b y t h is ti m e, Rex a n d I d iscovered
so m et h i ng i n co m m o n• we bot h k n ew N ewbolt's V it a e L a m p a d a b y h e a rt, we'd le a r n t it a t
sc h ool. So of co u rse we b ega n ro a ri ng o u t, 'Pl a y u p , p la y u p , a n d p la y t h e ga m e!' A n d
w h e n we got to t h e seco n d verse, a bo u t t h e s a n d s of t h e d esert b ei ng sod d e n red , I s ai d,
'T h e colo n el's j a m m ed a n d t h e G a tli ng's d e a d ,' a n d Rex t h o u g h t t h a t w a s t h e jo k e of t h e
ye a r, a n d J i m sa t rig h t dow n o n t h e ro a d, a n d b u ried h is l ace i n h is h a n d s a n d u ttered a
ter ri b le groa n --"
"Yo u m e a n , h e w a s n't e n joyi ng h i m self?"
" J i m n ot e n joyi ng h i mself? H e w a s h a vi ng t he b all of h is life! F or a w h ile I t h o u g h t
I'd n ever get h i m o u t of. E ngl a n d aga i n . A n d , yo u k n ow, h e fell wild ly i n love wit h t h a t
p u b? T h e rest of t h e h o u se is very a ttr a ctive, I m u st a d m it. T h ere's a n u p st a irs sitti ng
loo m w h ic h yo u co u l d re a lly m a k e so m et h i ng o u t of. A n d q u ite a b ig ga rd e n . J i m w a n ted
u s to b u y it a n d five t h ere, a n d r u n it toget h er. "
" W h a t a m a rvelo u s id e a! O h , w h a t a s h a m e yo u co u ld n't h a ve!"
" Act u a lly, it wo u l d n't h a ve b ee n u tterly i m possi b le. We m a d e so m e i n q u iries. I
t h i n k we co u l d h a ve pers u a ded t h e m to sell. A n d n o do u b t J i m wo u ld h a ve pic k ed u p
p u b -r u n n i ng, t h e w a y h e d id every t h i ng else. O f co u rse, t h ere'd h a ve b ee n a n a wf u l lot of
red t a p e, a n d p er m its, a n d st u ff.... O h yes, we t a l k ed a bo u t it.
We eve n u sed to s a y we'd go b a c k t h is yea r a n d loo k i n to t h e w h ole t h i ng so m e
m ore--"
" D o yo u t h i n k --I m e a n , if J i m --wo u ld yo u rea lly h a ve bo u g h t it a n d settled dow n
t h ere?"
" O h , w h o k n ows? We were a lw a ys m a k i ng p l a n s li k e t h a t. We h a rd ly ever tol d
ot h er p eople a bo u t t h e m , eve n yo u . M a y b e t h a t w a s bec a u se we k n ew i n o u r h e a rts t h ey
were cr a zy. B u t t h e n aga i n , we d id do so me cr a zy t h i ngs, d id n't we? Well, we'll n ever
k n ow, n ow.... C h a rlotte, d ea r, we a re bot h i n n eed of a d ri n k . "

H E is s u d d e n ly a w a re of C h a rlotte s a yi ng, "I s u p pose, for a m a n, it is differe n t.... "

(W h a t's d iffere n t? C a n h e h a ve dozed off for a co u p le of seco n d s? G eorge s h a k es
h i m self a w a k e.)
"... Yo u k n ow, I u sed to t h i n k t h a t a bo u t B u d d y? H e co u ld h a ve lived a n y w h ere.
H e co u ld h a ve tr a veled h u n d red s of m iles a cross n ow h ere a n d t h e n s u d de n ly j u st
p itc h ed h is te n t a n d c a lled it so m ew h ere, a n d it wo u l d h a ve b ee n so m ew h ere, si m p ly
b ec a u se h e s a i d so. After a ll, I m e a n , is n't t h a t w h a t t h e p io n eers a ll d i d i n t h is co u n try,
n ot so lo ng ago? It m u st h a ve b ee n i n B u d d y's b lood --t h o u g h it cert a i n ly ca n't b e a n y
lo nger. D eb b ie wo u l d n ever p u t u p wit h t h a t sort of t h i ng. No, G eo, cross m y h e a rt, I a m
h o n estly n ot b ei ng b itc h y! I wo u l d n't h a ve p u t u p wi t h it eit h er, i n t h e lo ng r u n . Wo m e n
a re li k e t h a t--we've si m p ly got to h a ng o n to o u r roots. We c a n b e tr a n spl a n ted, yes--b u t
it h a s to b e do n e b y a m a n , a n d w h e n h e's do n e it, h e h a s to st a y wit h u s a n d wit h er --I
m e a n w a ter--I m e a n , t h e n ew roots wit h e r if t h ey a re n't w a tered .... " H er voice h a s
t h ic k e n ed . Now s h e gives h er h e a d a n a b r u pt s h a k e, j u st a s G eorge di d a few m o m e n ts
ago. " A m I m a k i ng a n y se n se a t a ll?"
"Yes, C h a rley. A re n't yo u tryi ng to tell m e yo u've d eci ded to go b a c k?"
"Yo u m e a n , go b a c k h o m e?"
 " A re yo u s u re it is h o m e, still?"
" O h d e a r--I'm n ot s u re of a n y t h i ng--b u t-- n ow F red does n't n eed m e a n y m ore--will
yo u tell m e, G eo, w h a t a m I doi ng h ere?"
"Yo u've got a lot of frie n d s. "
" C ert a i n ly I h a ve. F rie n d s. A n d t h ey're re a l de a rs. T h e Pe a bodys a n d t h e G a rfei n s,
esp eci a lly, a n d J er ry a n d F lor a, a n d I a m very fo n d of M y r n a C u ster. B u t n o n e of t h e m
n eed m e. T h ere is n't a n yo n e w h o'd m a k e m e feel g u ilty a bo u t le a vi ng t h e m .... Now, G eo,
b e a b sol u tely h o n est--is t h ere a n yo n e, a n yon e a t a ll, I o u g h t to feel g u ilty a bo u t le a vi ng
b e h i n d?"
T h ere's m e. No, h e ref u ses to s a y it. S u c h flirti ng is u n wort h y of t h e m , eve n w h e n
d r u n k . " F eeli ng g u ilty's n o rea so n for st a yi ng or goi ng, " h e tells h er, fir m ly b u t k i n d ly.
" T h e poi n t is, do yo u w a n t to go? If yo u w a n t to go, yo u s h o u l d go. N ever m i n d a n y bod y
else. "
C h a rlotte n od s s a d ly. "Yes, I s u p pose yo u're rig h t. "

G E O R G E goes i n to t h e k itc h e n , fi x es a n ot h er ro u n d . (T h ey see m to b e d ri n k i ng u p m u c h

fa ster, n ow. T h is o n e re a lly s h o u l d b e t h e l ast.) W h e n h e co m es o u t aga i n , s h e's sitti ng
wit h h er h a n d s cl a sp ed, ga zi ng i n fro n t of h er. "I t h i n k I s h a ll go b a c k , G eo. I d re a d it--.
b u t I'm b egi n n i ng to t h i n k I re a lly s h a ll. "
" W h y do yo u d re a d it?"
"I n a w a y, I d re a d it. T h ere's N a n , for o n e t h i ng. "
"Yo u wo u l d n't h a ve to live wit h h er, wo u ld yo u ?"
"I wo u ld n't h a ve to. B u t I wo u ld . I'm s u re I wo u l d . "
" B u t, C h a rley--I've alw a ys h a d t h e i m p ression t h a t yo u loa t h e e a c h ot h er. "
" Not ex a ctly loa t h e. A n y h ow, i n a fa m ily, t h a t's n ot re a lly w h a t m a tters. I me a n , it
c a n b e b esi d e t h e poi n t. T h a t's h a r d to ex pl ai n to yo u , G eo, bec a u se yo u n ever h a d a n y
fa m ily, d i d yo u , after yo u were q u ite yo u ng? No, I wo u ld n't s a y lo a t h e. T h o u g h , of co u rse,
w h e n I first got to k n ow B u d d y--w h e n s h e fo u n d o u t we were sleep i ng toget h er, t h a t is--
N a n d id r a t h er h a te m e. I m ea n , s h e h a ted m y l u c k . O f co u rse, i n t h ose d a ys, B u d d y w a s
a d rea m bo a t. A n y sister mig h t h a ve felt je alo u s. B u t t h a t w a s n't t h e b iggest p a rt of it.
W h a t s h e re a lly mi n d ed w a s t h a t B u d d y w as a G . I. a n d t h a t h e w a s goi ng to t a k e m e
b a c k to live i n t h e St a tes w h e n we were m a r ried . N a n si m ply lo nged to co m e over h ere,
yo u see--so m a n y girls d i d, after w a rti m e E ngl a n d a n d t h e s h ort ages a n d every t h i ng--b u t
s h e'd h a ve died r a t h er t h a n a d m it it. S h e felt s h e w a s b ei ng d isloy a l to E ngl a n d eve n to
w a n t to co m e. I do believe s h e'd h a ve fa r soo n er a d mitted to b ei ng je a lo u s of m e wit h
B u d d y! Is n't t h a t a l a u g h?"
" S h e k n ows yo u a n d B u d d y h a ve sp lit u p , of co u rse?"
" O h yes, I h a d to tell h er a t o n ce, rig h t after it h a p p e n ed . O t h er wise, I'd h a ve b ee n
so afr a id s h e'd fi n d o u t for h erself, i n so m e u n c a n n y w a y, a n d t h a t wo u ld h a ve b ee n too
s h a m i ng. So I w rote to h er a bo u t it, a n d s h e w rote b a c k , s u c h a b ea stly, q u ietly
tri u m p h i ng letter, s a yi ng, Now I s u p pose yo u'll h a ve to co m e b a c k h ere--b a c k to t h e
co u n try yo u d eserted ; t h a t w a s w h a t s h e i m plied. So of co u rse I flew rig h t off t h e h a n d le-
-yo u k n ow m e / --a n d a n swered s a yi ng I w a s b lissf u lly h a p p y h ere, a n d t h a t n ever n ever
wo u l d I set foot o n h er d rea ry little isla n d aga i n . O h , a n d t h e n --I've n ever tol d yo u a n y of
t h is, b eca u se it e m b a r r a ssed m e so--after I wrote t h a t letter, I felt m ost ter ri bly g u ilty, so
I st a rted se n di ng h er t h i ngs: yo u k n ow, d elica tesse n fro m t h ose l u x u ry s h op s i n B everly
H ills, all sorts of c h eeses a n d t h i ngs i n bottles a n d j a rs. As a m a tter of fa ct, livi ng i n t h is
so-c a lled l a n d of ple n ty, I co u ld h a r d ly affor d t h e m! A n d I w a s s u c h a n u tter i d iot, I
d i d n't o n ce stop to t h i n k h ow t a ctless I w as b ei ng! Act u a lly, I w as pl a yi ng rig h t i n to
N a n's h a n d s. I m e a n , s h e let m e go o n se n d i ng a ll t h is st u ff for a w h ile--w h ic h s h e a te, I
p res u m e--a n d t h e n re a lly torp edoed m e. As k ed h a d n't we h ea r d i n A m eric a t h a t t h e w a r
h a d b ee n over q u ite so m e ti m e, a n d t h a t B u n d les for B rit a i n were o u t of d a te?"
 " C h a r m i ng cre a t u re!"
" No, G eo-- u n d er n e a t h a ll t h a t, N a n rea lly loves m e. It's j u st s h e w a n ts m e to see
t h i ngs h er w a y. Yo u k n ow, s h e's two ye a rs ol d er; t h a t m e a n t a lot w h e n we were
c h il d re n . I've a lw a ys t h o u g h t of h er a s b ei ng sort of li k e a ro a d --I m e a n , s h e le a d s
so m ew h ere. Wit h h er, I'll n ever lose m y w a y. D o yo u k n ow w h a t I'm tryi ng to s a y?"
" No. "
" Well, n ever m i n d . T h ere's a n ot h er t h i ng a bo u t goi ng b a c k h o m e--it's t h e p a st;
a n d t h a t's a ll tied u p wit h N a n , too. Sort of goi ng b ac k to t h e p l ace w h ere I t u r n ed off t h e
ro a d, do yo u see?"
" No. I do n't see. "
" B u t, G eo--t h e p a st! S u rely yo u c a n't p reten d yo u do n't k n ow w h a t I m ea n b y
t h a t?"
" T h e p a st is j u st so m et h i ng t h a t's over. "
" O h re a lly-- h ow ca n yo u b e so tireso m e!"
" No, C h a rley, I m ea n it. T h e p a st is over. Peop le m a k e believe t h a t it is n't, a n d
t h ey s h ow yo u t h i ngs i n m u se u m s. B u t t h a t's n ot t h e p a st. Yo u wo n't fi n d t h e p a st i n
E ngl a n d . O r a n y w h ere else, for t h a t m a tter. "
" O h , yo u're tireso me!"
" Liste n , w h y n ot j u st go b a c k t h ere o n a visit? See N a n if yo u w a n t to. B u t, for
C h rist's s a k e, do n't co m m it yo u rself. "
" No--if I go b a c k a t a ll, I've got to go b a c k for good . "
" W h y?"
"I c a n't st a n d a n y m ore i n d ecisio n. I've got to b u r n m y bo a ts, t h is ti m e. I t h o u g h t
I'd do n e t h a t w h e n I ca m e over h ere wit h B u d d y. B u t, t h is ti m e, I've got to--"
" O h , for C h rist's s a k e!"
"I k n ow I'll fi n d it a ll c h a nged . I k n ow t h ere'll b e a lot of t h i ngs I'll h a te. I k n ow I'll
m iss a ll t h ese s u p er m a r k ets a n d la bor-s avers a n d co n ve n ie n ces. Prob a b ly I'll k eep
c a tc h i ng o n e col d after a n ot h er, after livi ng i n t h is cli m a te. A n d I ex p ect yo u're q u ite
rig h t--I s h a ll b e m isera b le, livi ng wit h N a n . I c a n't h el p a n y of t h a t. A t le a st, w h e n I'm
t h ere, I s h all k n ow w h ere I a m . "
" N ever i n m y bor n d a ys h a ve I h ea r d s u c h u tter d rooli ng m a soc h is m!"
" O h yes, I k n ow it so u n d s li k e t h a t. A n d p er h a p s it is! D o yo u s u p pose
m a soc h is m's o u r w a y of b ei ng p a triotic? O r do I m ea n t h a t t h e ot h er w a y ro u n d? W h a t
f u n! D a rli ng, s h o u ld n't we h a ve a n ot h er ti n y d ri n k ? Let's d ri n k to t h e m a soc h is m of O l d
E ngl a n d!"
"I do n't t h i n k so, d a rli ng. Ti m e for o u r bed s. "
" G eo--yo u're le a vi ng!"
"I m u st, C h a rley. "
" B u t w h e n s h a ll I see yo u ?"
" V ery soo n . T h a t is, u n less yo u're t a k i ng off for E ngl a n d rig h t a w a y. "
" O h , do n't te a se m e! Yo u k n ow p erfectly well I'm n ot! It'd t a k e m e ages j u st to get
re a d y. Per h a p s I n ever will go a t a ll. H ow co u l d I ever fa ce a ll t h a t p a c k i ng a n d t h e
s a yi ng good b ye, a n d t h e effort? No--p er h a p s I n ever will--"
" We'll t a l k m ore a bo u t it. A lot m ore.... G ood n ig h t, C h a rley d ea r. "
S h e rises a s h e b e n d s for w a rd to k iss h er. T h ey b u m p a w k w a rd ly a n d very n ea rly
top p le over a n d roll o n t h e floor. H e ste a d ies h er, u n ste a d ily.
"I s h o u l d h a te so to lea ve yo u , G eo. "
" T h e n do n't. "
" T h e w a y yo u s a y t h a t! I do n't believe yo u c a re if I go or if I st a y. "
" O f co u rse I ca re!"
" Tr u ly?"
" Tr u ly!"
" G eo?"
"Yes, C h a rley?"
 "I do n't t h i n k J i m wo u l d w a n t m e to lea ve yo u h ere a lo n e. "
" T h e n do n't le a ve m e. "
" No--I'm d e a d serio u s! Yo u re m e m b er w h e n yo u a n d I d rove u p to S a n F r a n cisco?
I n Sep te m b er, it m u st h a ve bee n , l a st yea r, j u st a fter yo u got b a c k fro m E ngl a n d --"
"Yes. "
" J i m co u ld n't co m e u p wit h u s t h a t d a y. I forget w h y. H e flew u p t h e n ex t d a y a n d
joi n ed u s. Well, a n y h ow, j u st a s yo u a n d I were getti ng i n to t h e c a r, J i m sa id so m et h i ng
to m e. So m et h i ng I've n ever forgotte n .... D id I ever tell yo u t h is?"
"I do n't believe so. " (S h e h a s tol d h i m a t le a st si x ti m es; a lw a ys w h e n very d r u n k .)
" H e s a id to me, Yo u two t a k e ca re of ea c h ot her. "
" H e d id?"
"Yes h e d i d . T h ose were h is ex a ct wor ds. A n d , G eo, I b elieve h e d id n't j u st m e a n
t a k e ca re. H e m ea n t so m et h i ng m ore--"
" W h a t d i d h e m e a n?"
" T h a t w a s less t h a n two m o n t h s, w a s n't it, b efore h e left for O h io. I b elieve h e s a i d
t a k e ca re, b eca u se h e k n ew--"
S w a yi ng a little, s h e rega r ds h i m ea r n estly b u t d i m ly, a s t h o u g h s h e were p eeri ng
u p a t h i m , fis h li k e, t h ro u g h all t h e liq u or s h e h a s d r u n k . " D o yo u b elieve t h a t, G eo?"
" H ow c a n we tell w h a t h e k n ew, C h a rley? As for o u r t a k i ng ca re of e ac h ot h er, we
c a n b e cert a i n h e'd h a ve w a n ted u s to do t h a t. " G eorge p u ts h is h a n d s o n h er s h o u l d ers.
" So n ow let's bot h tell e a c h ot h er to get so m e sleep, s h all we?"
" No, w ait--" S h e's li k e a c h il d, st a lli ng off b edti m e wit h q u estio n s. " D o yo u s u p pose
t h a t p u b is still for s a le?"
"I ex p ect so. T h a t's a n i d e a! W h y do n't we b u y it, C h a rley? W h a t do yo u s a y? We
co u l d get d r u n k a n d ea r n m o n ey a t t h e s a m e ti m e. T h a t'd b e m ore f u n t h a n livi ng wit h
N a n!"
" O h d a rli ng, how lovely! D o yo u s u p pose we re a lly co u ld b u y it? No--yo u're n ot
serio u s, a re yo u ? I c a n see yo u a re n't. B u t do n't ever s a y yo u a re n't. Let's m a k e pl a n s
a bo u t it, li k e yo u a n d J i m u sed to. H e'd li k e u s to m a k e p l a n s, wo u l d n't h e?"
" S u re h e wo u l d .... G ood n ig h t, C h a rley. "
" G ood n ig h t, G eo, m y love--" As t h ey e m b r a ce, s h e k isses h i m f u ll o n t h e m o u t h .
A n d s u d de n ly stic k s h er to ng u e rig h t i n . S h e h a s do n e t h is b efore, ofte n . It's o n e of t h ose
d r u n k e n lo ng s h ots w h ic h j u st m ig h t, a t le ast t h eoretic a lly, o n ce i n te n t h o u s a n d tries,
t h row a rel a tio n s h i p rig h t o u t of its or b it a n d se n d it w h izzi ng off o n a n ot h er. D o wo m e n
ever stop tryi ng? No. B u t, b ec a u se t h ey n ever stop , t h ey le a r n to b e good losers. W h e n ,
after a s u it a ble p a u se, h e b egi n s to d r a w b ac k , s h e does n't a tte m p t to cli ng to h i m . A n d
n ow s h e a ccep ts h is goi ng wit h n o m ore resist a n ce. H e k isses h er o n t h e fore h e a d . S h e is
li k e a c h il d w h o h a s a t l a st s u b m itted to b ei ng t u c k ed i n to h er cot.
" Sleep tig h t. "
G eorge t u r n s, swi ngs ope n t h e h o u se door, t a k es o n e stri d e a n d --oops!--very very
n e a rly fa lls h e a d first dow n t h e step s--a ll of th e m --o h , a n d , u n t h i n k a b ly, m u c h fa rt h er--
te n , fifty, o n e h u n d red m illio n feet i n to t h e botto m less bl a c k n ig h t. O n ly h is gri p o n t h e
door h a n d le s a ves h i m .
H e t u r n s groggily, wit h a p u n c h i ng h ea rt, to gri n b ac k a t C h a rlotte; b u t l u c k ily
s h e h a s w a n d ered a w a y off so m ew h ere. S h e h a s n't see n h i m do t h is a si n i n e t h i ng.
W h ic h is tr u ly p rovid e n ti a l b eca u se, if s h e h a d see n h i m , s h e wo u ld h a ve i n sisted o n h is
st a yi ng t h e n ig h t; w h ic h wo u ld h a ve m e a n t, well, a t t h e very le a st, s u c h a l a te b re a k fa st
t h a t it wo u l d h a ve b ee n b r u n c h ; w h ic h wo u l d h a ve m ea n t m ore d ri n k s; w h ic h wo u ld
h a ve m e a n t siest a a n d s u p p er, a n d m ore a n d m ore a n d m ore d ri n k s to follow... T h is h a s
a ct u a lly h a p p e n ed , b efore n ow.
B u t t h is ti m e h e h a s esc a p ed . A n d n ow h e closes t h e h o u se door wit h t h e c a re of a
b u rgl a r, sits h i m self dow n o n t h e top step , t a k es a d eep b rea t h , a n d gives h i m self a c a l m
ster n t a l k i ng to. Yo u a re d r u n k . O h , yo u st u p i d ol d t h i ng, h ow d a re yo u get so d r u n k ?
Well, n ow, liste n : We a re goi ng to w a l k dow n t h ose step s very slowly, a n d w h e n we a re a t
t h e botto m we a re goi ng str a ig h t h o m e a n d u p st a irs a n d rig h t i n to b ed , wit h o u t eve n
b r u s h i ng o u r teet h . All rig h t, t h a t's u n d erstood? Now, h ere we go....
W E L L a n d good .
H ow to ex pl a i n , t h e n , t h a t, wit h h is foot a ct u a lly o n t h e b ridge over t h e cree k ,
G eorge s u d de n ly t u r n s, c h u c k les to h i m self, a n d wit h t h e m ove m e n t of a c h ild w riggli ng
free of a grow n u p --ol d g u a r di a n C ortex--r u n s off dow n t h e roa d , l a u g h i ng, tow a rd t h e
oce a n?
As h e t rots o u t of C a m p h or T ree L a n e o n to L a s O n d a s, h e sees t h e ro u n d gree n
port h ole lig h ts of T h e S t a r bo a r d Sid e, dow n o n t h e cor n er of t h e oce a n h ig h w a y a cross
fro m t h e b ea c h , s h i n i ng to welco me h i m .
T h e St a r bo a r d Si de h a s bee n h ere si n ce t h e e a rliest d a ys of t h e colo n y. Its b a r,
for m erly a l u n c h co u n ter, served t h e n eig h bors wit h t h eir first post-Pro h i b itio n b eers,
a n d t h e m ir ror b e h i n d it w a s so meti m es h on ored b y t h e reflectio n of To m M i x . B u t its
fi n est h o u rs c a m e l a ter. T h a t s u m m er of 1 9 4 5! T h e w a r a s good a s over. T h e b l a c k o u t n o
m ore t h a n a n ex c u se for k eep i ng t h e lig h ts o u t a t a ga ngb a ng. A sig n over t h e b a r sa id ,
"I n c a se of a d irect h it, we close i m m ed i a tely. " W h ic h w a s m e a n t to b e f u n n y, of co u rse.
A n d yet, o u t a cross t h e b a y, i n d eep w a ter u n d er t h e cliffs of Pa los V erd es, la y a re a l
J a p a n ese s u b m a ri n e f u ll of rea l d e a d J a p a n ese, dep t h -bo m b ed after t h ey h a d s u n k two
or t h ree s h i p s i n sig h t of t h e C a lifor n i a co ast.
Yo u p u s h ed a sid e t h e b l a c k o u t c u rt a i n a n d el bowed yo u r w a y t h ro u g h a j a m -
p a c k ed b a r crow d, sca rcely a b le to b re a t h e or see for s m o k e. H ere, i n t h e co m p lete
p riv a cy of t h e d i n a n d t h e crowd , yo u a n d yo u r p ic k u p yelled t h e p reli m i n a ry sex
a d va n ces a t e a c h ot h er. Yo u co u ld flirt b u t yo u co u ld n't fig h t; t h ere w a s n't eve n roo m to
s m a c k so m eo n e's fa ce. F or t h a t, yo u h a d to o n e- n ig h t st a n d s. A n d , t h o u g h t h e c h a rco a l
re m n a n ts of t h ose b a r b a ri a n orgy-fires h a ve lo ng si n ce bee n gro u n d i n to t h e s a n d, t h is
stretc h of t h e s h ore is s till filt h y wit h t r a s h ; h ig h -sc h ool ga ngs still d a u b h u ge
sc a n d a lo u s word s o n its b ea c h -w a ll; a n d sea s h ells a re still less e asy to fi n d h ere t h a n
d isca r d ed r u b b ers.
T h e glory h a s fa d ed , too, fro m T h e St a r bo a r d Si d e; o n ly a tr u e d evotee li k e G eorge
c a n still d etect eve n a l a st fa i n t gle a m of it. T h e p l a ce h a s b ee n stri p p ed of its d u sty
m a ri n e trop h ies a n d yellow gro u p p h otogr a p h s. Rig h t after t h e N ew Ye a r it's to b e w h a t
t h ey d a re to ca ll red ecora ted : t h a t's to s a y, d esecra ted , i n re a di n ess for n ex t s u m m er's
m ob of b l a n k -fa ced str a ngers. Alrea dy t h ere is a n ew j u k ebox; a n d a n ew televisio n fi x ed
h ig h u p o n t h e w a ll, so yo u c a n t u r n h a lf rig h t, rest yo u r el bow o n t h e b a r a n d go i n to a
cow-d a ze, w a tc h i ng it. T h is is w h a t m ost of th e c u sto m ers a re doi ng, a s G eorge e n ters.
H e m a k es u n ste a d ily b u t p u r posef u lly for h is fa vorite little t a b le i n t h e cor n er,
fro m w h ic h t h e TV scree n is i n visi b le. A t t h e t a b le n ex t to h i m , two ot h er u n h y p n otized
n o n co nfor m ists, a n eld erly co u ple w h o belo ng to t h e l a st h a n df u l of s u rvivi ng colo n ists,
a re p r a ctici ng t h eir w a y of love: a m ild q u a r relso m e alco h olis m w h ic h m a k es it possib le
for t h e m to live i n a p la y-rel a tio n s h i p , li k e ch il d re n . Yo u old b ag, yo u ol d p ric k , yo u old
b itc h , yo u old b a st a rd : r age wit h o u t rese n t m e n t, a b u se wit h o u t ve n o m . T h is is h ow it
will b e for t h e m till t h e e n d . Let's h op e t h ey will n ever be p a rted , b u t d ie i n t h e s a m e
h o u r of t h e sa m e n ig h t, i n t h eir b eer-st a i n ed b ed.
A n d n ow G eorge's eyes m ove a lo ng t h e b a r, stop o n a fig u re se a ted a lo n e a t t h e
e n d n e a rest t h e door. T h e yo u ng m a n is n't w a tc h i ng t h e TV ; i n d eed , h e is q u ite i n te n t
u po n so m et h i ng h e is w riti ng o n t h e b ac k of a n e n velope. As h e w rites, h e s m iles to
h i m self a n d r u b s t h e sid e of h is la rge n ose wit h h is forefi nger. It is K e n n y Potter.
A t first, G eorge does n't m ove; see m s h a r d ly to re a ct a t a ll. B u t t h e n a slow i n te n t
s m ile p a rts h is lip s. H e lea n s for w a rd , w a tch i ng K e n n y wit h t h e d elig h t of a n a t u r a list
w h o h a s id e n tified a rosy fi n c h o u t of t h e h ig h sier r a s o n a tree i n a city p a r k . After a
m i n u te h e rises, crosses al m ost ste a lt h ily to t h e b a r a n d sli p s o n to t h e stool besid e
K e n n y.
" H ello, t h ere, " h e s a ys.
 K e n n y t u r n s q u ic k ly, sees w h o it is, l a u g hs lo u d ly, cr u m p les t h e e n velop e a n d
tosses it over t h e b a r i n to a tr a s h co n t a i n er. " H ello, sir. "
" W h a t d i d yo u do t h a t for?"
" O h . Not h i ng. "
"I d ist u r b ed yo u . Yo u were w riti ng. "

"It w a s n ot h i ng. O n ly a poe m. "

" A n d n ow it's lost to t h e worl d!"
"I'll re m e m ber it. Now I've w ritte n it dow n . "
" Wo u l d yo u s a y it for m e?"
T h is se n d s Ke n n y i n to co n v u lsio n s of l a u g h ter. "It's cr a zy. It's "-- h e g u l p s dow n h is
giggles--"it's a --a h a i k u!"
" Well, w h a t's so cra zy a bo u t a h ai k u ?"
"I'd h a ve to co u n t t h e syll a b les first. "
B u t K e n n y ob vio u sly is n't goi ng to co u n t t h e m n ow. So G eorge s a ys, "I d id n't
ex p ect to see yo u i n t h is n ec k of t h e wood s. D o n't yo u live over o n t h e ot h er si d e of tow n ,
n e a r c a m p u s?"
" T h a t's rig h t. O n ly so m eti m es I li k e to get w a y a w a y fro m t h ere. "
" B u t i m agi n e yo u r h a p p e n i ng to p ic k o n t h is p a rtic u l a r b a r!"
" O h , t h a t w a s b eca u se o n e of t h e k id s tol d me yo u're i n h ere a lot. "
"Yo u m e a n , yo u c a m e o u t h ere to see m e?" Per h a ps G eorge s a ys t h is a little too
e agerly. A n y h ow, K e n n y s h r u gs it off wit h a te a si ng s m ile.
"I t h o u g h t I'd see w h a t k i n d of a joi n t it w a s. "
"It's n ot h i ng n ow. It u sed to b e q u ite so m et h i ng, t h o u g h . A n d I've gotte n
a cc u sto m ed to co mi ng h ere. Yo u see, I live very close. "
" C a m p h or Tree L a n e?"
" H ow i n t h e worl d di d yo u k n ow t h a t?"
"Is it s u p posed to be a secret?"
" W h y n o--of co u rse n ot! I h a ve st u d e n ts co m e over to see m e n ow a n d t h e n . I
m e a n , a bo u t t h eir wor k --" G eorge is i m m ed ia tely a w a re t h a t t h is so u n d s d efe n sive a n d
g u ilty a s h ell. H a s K e n n y n oticed? H e is gri n n i ng; b u t t h e n h e h a s b ee n gri n n i ng a ll t h e
ti m e. G eorge a d d s, r a t h er feeb ly, "Yo u see m to k n ow a n a wf u l lot a bo u t m e a n d m y
h a b its. A lot m ore t h a n I k n ow a bo u t a n y of yo u --"
" T h ere is n't m u c h to k n ow a bo u t u s, I g u ess!" K e n n y gives h i m a te a si ng,
c h a lle ngi ng loo k . " W h a t wo u ld yo u li k e to k now a bo u t u s, sir?"
" O h , I'll t h i n k of so m et h i ng. G ive m e ti m e. S a y, w h a t a re yo u d ri n k i ng?"
" Not h i ng!" K e n n y giggles. " H e h a s n't eve n n oticed m e yet. " A n d , i n d eed , t h e
b a rte n d er is a b sor b ed i n a TV w restli ng m a tch .
" Well, w h a t'll yo u h a ve?"
" W h a t a re yo u h avi ng, sir?"
" Scotc h . "
" O k a y, " K e n n y s a ys, i n a to n e w h ic h s u ggests t h a t h e wo u l d h a ve agreed j u st a s
re a d ily to b u tter m il k . G eorge c a lls t h e b a rte n d er--very lo u d ly, so h e c a n't p rete n d n ot to
h a ve h e a r d --a n d or d ers. T h e b a rte n d er, a lw a ys a b it of a b itc h , d e m a n d s to see K e n n y's
I. D . So t h ey go t h ro u g h a ll of t h a t. G eorge sa ys st u ffily to t h e b a rte n d er, "Yo u o u g h t to
k n ow m e b y t h is ti m e. D o yo u re a lly t h i n k I'd b e s u c h a n id iot as to try to b u y d ri n k s for
a m i n or?"
" We h a ve to c h ec k , " s a ys t h e b a rte n d er, t h ro u g h a s k i n i n c h es t h ic k . H e t u r n s h is
b a c k o n t h e m a n d m oves a w a y. G eorge feels a b rief sp u rt of powerless r age. H e h a s bee n
m a d e to loo k li k e a n a ss--a n d i n fro n t of Ke n n y, too.
W h ile t h ey a re w a iti ng for t h e d ri n k s, h e as k s, " H ow d id yo u get h ere? I n yo u r
c a r?"
"I do n't h a ve o n e. Lois d rove m e. "
" W h ere is s h e n ow, t h e n?"
 " G o n e h o m e, I g u ess. "
G eorge se n ses so m et h i ng n ot q u ite i n or d er. B u t, w h a tever it is, K e n n y does n't
see m wor ried a bo u t it. H e a d ds vag u ely, "I t ho u g h t I'd w a l k a ro u n d for a w h ile. "
" B u t h ow'll yo u get b a c k?"
" O h , I'll m a n age. "
(A voice i n sid e G eorge sa ys, Yo u co u ld i n vite h i m to st a y t h e n ig h t a t yo u r p l a ce.
Tell h i m yo u'll d rive h i m b a c k i n t h e m or n i ng. W h a t i n h ell do yo u t h i n k I a m? G eorge
a s k s it. It w a s m erely a s u ggestio n , sa ys t h e voice.)
T h e d ri n k s a r rive. G eorge s a ys to K e n n y, " Loo k , w h y do n't we sit over t h ere, a t t h e
t a b le i n t h e cor n er? T h a t d a m n ed televisio n k eep s c a tc h i ng m y eye. "
" All rig h t. "
It wo u l d b e f u n , G eorge t h i n k s, if t h e yo u ng were j u st a little less p a ssive. B u t
t h a t's too m u c h to as k . Yo u h ave to p la y it t h eir w a y, or n ot a t all. As t h ey t a k e t h eir
c h a irs, fa ci ng ea c h ot h er, G eorge sa ys, "I've still got m y p e n cil s h a r p e n er, " a n d , b ri ngi ng
it o u t of h is poc k et, h e tosses it dow n o n t h e t a b le, a s t h o u g h s h ooti ng cra p s.
K e n n y l a u g h s. "I alre a d y lost m i n e!"

A N D n ow a n h o u r, m a y b e, h a s p a ssed . A n d t h ey a re bot h d r u n k : Ke n n y fa irly, G eorge

very. B u t G eorge is d r u n k i n a good w a y, a n d o n e t h a t h e sel do m a c h ieves. H e tries to
d escrib e to h i m self w h a t t h is k i n d of d r u n k e n n ess is li k e. Well--to p u t it very cr u d ely--
it's li k e Pl a to; it's a d ia log u e. A d ia log u e b etwee n two p eop le. Yes, b u t n ot a Pl a to n ic
d i alog u e i n t h e h a ir-splitti ng, word -twisti ng, o n e- u p -to- m e se n se; n ot a m oc k - h u m b le
b itc h i ng m a tc h ; n ot a d eb a te o n so m e d rea ry set t h e m e. Yo u c a n t a l k a bo u t a n y t h i ng
a n d c h a nge t h e s u bject as ofte n a s yo u li k e. I n fa ct, w h a t rea lly m a tters is n ot w h a t yo u
t a l k a bo u t, b u t t h e b ei ng toget h er i n t h is p a rtic u l a r rel a tio n s h ip . G eorge c a n't i m agi n e
h a vi ng a d i a log u e of t h is k i n d wit h a wo m a n, bec a u se wo me n c a n o n ly t a l k i n ter m s of
t h e p erso n a l. A m a n of h is ow n age wo u ld do, if t h ere w a s so m e sort of pol a rity; for
i n st a n ce, if h e w a s a N egro. Yo u a n d yo u r d i a log u e-p a rt n er h a ve to b e so m e h ow
op posites. W h y? B eca u se yo u h a ve to b e sy m bolic fig u res--li k e, i n t h is c ase, Yo u t h a n d
Age. W h y do yo u h a ve to be sy m bolic? B ec a u se t h e d i a log u e is b y its n a t u re i m p erso n al.
It's a sy m bolic e n co u n ter. It does n't i n volve eit h er p a rty p erso n a lly. T h a t's w h y, i n a
d i alog u e, yo u c a n s a y a b sol u tely a n y t h i ng. E ve n t h e closest co nfi d e n ce, t h e d e a d liest
secret, co m es o u t ob jectively a s a m ere m et a p h or or ill u str a tio n w h ic h co u l d n ever be
u sed aga i n st yo u .
G eorge wo u l d li k e to ex p la i n a ll of t h is to K e n n y. B u t it is so co m p lic a ted , a n d h e
does n't w a n t to r u n t h e ris k of fi n d i ng t h a t K e n n y c a n't u n d erst a n d h i m . More t h a n
a n y t h i ng, h e w a n ts K e n n y to u n d erst a n d, w a n ts to b e a b le to b elieve t h a t K e n n y k n ows
w h a t t h is d i a log u e is a ll a bo u t. A n d re a lly, a t t h is m o m e n t, it see m s possib le t h a t K e n n y
does k n ow. G eorge c a n a l m ost feel t h e electric field of t h e d i alog u e s u r ro u n di ng a n d
ir r a d ia ti ng t h e m . H e cert a i n ly feels ir r a d ia ted . As for K e n n y, h e loo k s q u ite b e a u tif u l.
R a d ia n t wit h r a p port is t h e p h r a se w h ic h G eorge fi n d s to describ e h i m . F or w h a t s h i n es
o u t of K e n n y is n't m ere i n tellige n ce or a n y k i n d of switc h ed -o n c h a r m . T h ere t h e two of
t h e m sit, s m ili ng a t ea c h ot h er--o h , fa r more t h a n t h a t--fa irly be a m i ng wit h m u t u a l
i n sig h t.
" S a y so m et h i ng, " h e co m m a n d s K e n n y.
" D o I h a ve to?"
"Yes. "
" W h a t'll I s a y?"
" A n y t h i ng. A n y t h i ng t h a t see m s to b e i m port a n t, rig h t n ow. "
" T h a t's t h e tro u b le. I do n't k n ow w h a t is i m port a n t a n d w h a t is n't. I feel li k e m y
h e a d is stop p ed u p wit h st u ff t h a t does n't m a tter--I m e a n , m a tter to m e. "
" S u c h a s--"
 " Loo k , I do n't m e a n to b e p erso n al, sir--b u t-- well, t h e st u ff o u r cl a sses a re a bo u t--
"
" T h a t does n't m a tter to yo u ?"
" J es u s C h rist, sir--I s a i d I w a s n't b ei ng p erson a l! Yo u rs a re a w h ole lot b etter t h a n
m ost; we a ll t h i n k t h a t. A n d yo u do try to m a k e t h ese boo k s fit i n wit h w h a t's goi ng o n
n ow a d a ys, o n ly, it's n ot yo u r fa u lt, b u t--we a lw a ys see m to e n d u p getti ng bogged dow n
i n t h e p a st; li k e t h is m or n i ng, wit h Tit h o n u s. Loo k , I do n't w a n t to p a n t h e p a st; m a y b e
it'll m e a n a w h ole lot to m e w h e n I'm ol d er. All I'm s a yi ng is, t h e p ast does n't re a lly
m a tter to m ost k i d s m y age. W h e n we t a l k li k e it does, we're j u st b ei ng polite. I g u ess
t h a t's b ec a u se we do n't h a ve a n y p a sts of o u r ow n --ex cep t st u ff we w a n t to forget, li k e
t h i ngs i n h ig h sc h ool, a n d ti m es we a cted li k e i diots--"
" Well, fi n e! I ca n u n d erst a n d t h a t. Yo u do n't n eed t h e p a st, yet. Yo u've got t h e
p rese n t. "
" O h , b u t t h e p rese n t's a re al d r ag! I j u st d espise t h e p rese n t--I m e a n , t h e w a y it is
rig h t n ow--I m e a n , to n ig h t's a n excep tio n , of co u rse--W h a t a re yo u l a u g h i ng a t, sir?"
" To n ig h t-4! T h e p rese n t-- n o!" G eorge is getti ng n oisy. So m e p eop le a t t h e b a r t u r n
t h eir h e a d s. " D ri n k to to n ig h t!" H e d ri n k s, wit h a flo u ris h .
" To n ig h t--si!" K e n n y l a u g h s a n d d ri n k s.
" O k a y, " s a ys G eorge. " T h e p a st-- n o h el p . T h e p rese n t-- n o good. G r a n ted . B u t
t h ere's o n e t h i ng yo u c a n't d e n y; yo u're st u c k wit h t h e f u t u re. Yo u c a n't j u st s n eeze t h a t
off. "
"I g u ess we a re. W h a t's left of it. T h ere m a y n ot b e m u c h , wit h all t h ese roc k ets--"
" Death."
" D e a t h?"
" T h a t's w h a t I s a id . "
" C o m e aga i n , sir. I do n't get yo u . "
"I s a id d e a t h . I sa id , do yo u t h i n k a bo u t d ea t h a lot?"
" W h y, n o. H a r dly, a t a ll. W h y?"
" T h e f u t u re--t h a t's w h ere d e a t h is. "
" O h --ye a h . Ye a h -- m a y b e yo u've got a poi n t t h ere. " K e n n y gri n s. "Yo u k n ow
so m et h i ng? M a yb e t h e ot h er ge n er a tio n s b efore u s u sed to t h i n k a bo u t d ea t h a lot m ore
t h a n we do. W h a t I m e a n is, k i d s m u st h a ve gotte n m a d , t h i n k i ng h ow t h ey'd b e se n t o u t
to so m e cor n y w a r a n d k illed , w h ile t h eir fol k s st a yed h o m e a n d a cted p a triotic. B u t it
wo n't b e li k e t h a t a n y more. We'd a ll b e i n t h is t h i ng toget h er. "
"Yo u co u l d still get m a d a t t h e ol d er peop le. B ec a u se of a ll t h ose ex tr a yea rs t h ey'll
h a ve h a d b efore t h ey get b low n u p . "
"Yes, t h a t's rig h t, I co u l d, co u l d n't I? M a yb e I will. M a yb e I'll get m a d a t yo u , sir. "
" K e n n et h --"
" Sir?"
" J u st a s a m a tter of t h e p u rest sociologic a l i n terest, w h y do yo u p ersist i n ca lli ng
m e sir?"
K e n n y gri n s te a si ngly. "I'll stop if yo u w a n t m e to. "
"I d id n't a s k yo u to stop . I as k ed yo u w h y. "
" W h y do n't yo u li k e it? No n e of yo u do, t h o u gh , I g u ess. "
"Yo u m e a n , n o n e of u s ol d fol k s?" G eorge s m iles a n o- h a r d -feeli ngs s m ile.
N evert h eless, h e feels t h a t t h e sy m bolic rela tio n s h i p is st a rti ng to get o u t of h a n d . " Well,
t h e u s u a l ex p l a n a tio n is t h a t we do n't li k e b ei ng re m i n d ed --"
K e n n y s h a k es h is h ea d d ecisively, " No. "
" W h a t do yo u m e a n , 'No'?"
"Yo u're n ot li k e t h a t. "
"Is t h a t s u p posed to b e a co m p li m e n t?"
" M a y b e. T h e poi n t is, I li k e c alli ng yo u sir. "
"Yo u do?"
 " W h a t's so p h o n y n ow a d a ys is a ll t h is fa m ili a rity. Prete n d i ng t h ere is n't a n y
d iffere n ce b etwee n p eop le--well, li k e yo u were s a yi ng a bo u t m i n orities, t h is m or n i ng. If
yo u a n d I a re n o d iffere n t, w h a t do we h a ve to give e a c h ot h er? H ow c a n we ever b e
frie n d s?"
H e does u n d erst a n d , G eorge t h i n k s, d elig h ted . " B u t two yo u ng p eop le c a n b e
frie n d s, s u rely?"
" T h a t's so m et h i ng else agai n . T h ey c a n , yes, after a fa s h io n . B u t t h ere's a lw a ys
t h is t h i ng of co m p etitio n , getti ng i n t h e w a y. All yo u ng p eople a re k i n d of co m p eti ng wit h
e a c h ot h er, do yo u k n ow t h a t?"
"Yes, I s u p pose so-- u n less t h ey're i n love. "
" M a y b e t h ey a re eve n t h e n . M a y be t h a t's w h a t's w ro ng wit h --" K e n n y b re a k s off
a b r u p tly. G eorge w a tc h es h i m , ex p ecti ng to h e a r so m e co nfid e n ce a bo u t Lois. B u t it
does n't co m e. F or Ke n n y is ob vio u sly followi ng so m e q u ite d iffere n t tr a i n of t h o u g h t. H e
sits s m ili ng i n sile n ce for a few m o m e n ts a n d--yes, a ct u a lly-- h e is b l u s h i ng! " T h is so u n d s
a s cor n y a s h ell, b u t--"
" N ever m i n d . G o a h e a d . "
"I so m eti m es wis h --I m e a n , w h e n yo u re a d th ose V ictori a n n ovels--I'd h a ve h a ted
livi ng i n t h ose d a ys, a ll ex cep t for o n e t h i ng--o h , h ell--I c a n't s a y it!" H e b rea k s off,
b l u s h i ng a n d l a u g h i ng.
" D o n't b e silly!"
" W h e n I s a y it, it's so cor n y, it's t h e e n d! B u t--I'd h a ve li k ed livi ng w h e n yo u co u l d
c a ll yo u r fa t h er sir. "
"Is yo u r fa t h er a live?"
" O h , s u re. "
" W h y do n't yo u ca ll h i m sir, t h e n? So m e so n s do, eve n n ow a d a ys. "
" Not m y fa t h er. H e is n't t h e ty p e. B esi d es, h e is n't a ro u n d. H e r a n o u t o n u s a
co u p le of yea rs ago... H ell!"
" W h a t's t h e m a tter?"
" W h a tever m a d e me tell yo u a ll t h a t? A m I d r u n k or so m et h i ng?"
" No m ore d r u n k t h a n I a m . "
"I m u st b e sto n ed . "
" Loo k --if it bot h ers yo u --let's forget yo u tol d m e. "
"I wo n't forget. "
" O h yes, yo u will. Yo u'll forget if I tell yo u to forget. "
" Will I?"
"Yo u b et yo u will!"
" Well, if yo u s a y so--o k a y. "
" O k a y, sir. "
" O k a y, sir!" K e n n y s u d de n ly b e a m s. H e is rea lly p lea sed --so ple a sed t h a t h is ow n
p le as u re e m b a r r a sses h i m. " S a y, yo u k n ow--w h e n I c a m e over h ere--I m e a n , w h e n I
t h o u g h t I m ig h t j u st h a p p e n to r u n i n to yo u t h is eve n i ng--t h ere w a s so m et h i ng I w a n ted
to a s k yo u . I j u st re m e m b ered w h a t is w a s "-- h e dow n s t h e rest of h is d ri n k i n o n e lo ng
sw a llow--"it's a bo u t ex p erie n ce. T h ey k eep telli ng yo u , w h e n yo u're ol der, yo u'll h a ve
ex p erie n ce--a n d t h a t's s u p posed to b e so grea t. W h a t wo u l d yo u s a y a bo u t t h a t, sir? Is it
re a lly a n y u se, wo u l d yo u s a y?"
" W h a t k i n d of ex p erie n ce?"
" Well--p l a ces yo u've b ee n to, p eop le yo u've m et. Sit u a tio n s yo u've b ee n t h ro u g h
a lre a d y, so yo u k n ow h ow to h a n d le t h e m w h e n t h ey co m e u p aga i n . All t h a t st u ff t h a t's
s u p posed to m a k e yo u wise, i n yo u r l a ter ye a rs. "
" Let m e tell yo u so m et h i ng, K e n n y. F or ot h er p eop le, I ca n't sp e a k --b u t,
p erso n ally, I h a ve n't gotte n wise o n a n y t h i ng. C ert a i n ly, I've b ee n t h ro u g h t h is a n d t h a t;
a n d w h e n it h a p pe n s aga i n , I sa y to m yself, H ere it is agai n . B u t t h a t does n't see m to
h el p m e. I n m y op i n io n , I, p erso n ally, h a ve gotte n ste a d ily sillier a n d sillier a n d sillier --
a n d t h a t's a fact. "
 " No k i d d i ng, sir? Yo u c a n't m e a n t h a t! Yo u m e a n , sillier t h a n w h e n yo u were
yo u ng?"
" M u c h , m u c h sillier. "
"I'll b e d a r n ed . T h e n ex p erie n ce is n o u se a t a ll? Yo u're s a yi ng it m ig h t j u st a s well
n ot h a ve h a p p e n ed?"
" No. I'm n ot s a yi ng t h a t. I o n ly m e a n , yo u c a n't u se it. B u t if yo u do n't try to--if
yo u j u st re alize it's t h ere a n d yo u've got it--t h e n it c a n b e k i n d of m a r-velo u s. "
" Let's go swi m m i ng, " sa ys K e n n y a b r u p tly, as if bored b y t h e w hole co n vers a tio n .
" All rig h t. "
K e n n y t h rows h is h e a d rig h t b ac k a n d l a u g hs wild ly. " O h --t h a t's ter rific!"
" W h a t's ter rific?"
"It w a s a test. I t h o u g h t yo u were b l u ffi ng, a bo u t b ei ng silly. So I s ai d to m yself, I'll
s u ggest doi ng so m et h i ng wild , a n d if h e ob jects--if h e eve n h esit a tes--t h e n I'll k n ow it
w a s a ll a b l u ff. Yo u do n't m i n d m y telli ng yo u t h a t, do yo u , sir?"
" W h y s h o u l d I?"
" O h , t h a t's ter rific!"
" Well, I'm n ot b l u ffi ng--so w h a t a re we w a iti ng for? Yo u were n't b l u ffi ng, were
yo u ?"
" H ell, n o!"
T h ey j u m p u p , p a y, r u n o u t of t h e b a r a n d across t h e h ig h w a y, a n d K e n n y va u lts
t h e r a ili ng a n d d rop s dow n , a bo u t eig h t feet, o n to t h e b e a c h . G eorge, m e a n w h ile, is
cl a m beri ng over t h e r a il, a b it stiffly. K e n n y loo k s u p, h is face still lit b y t h e bo a r d w a l k
l a m p s: "P u t yo u r feet o n m y s h o u ld ers, sir. " G eorge does so, d r u n k -tr u stf u l, a n d K e n n y,
wit h t h e d eft n ess of a b a llet d a n cer, s u p ports h i m b y a n k les a n d c alves, loweri ng h i m
a l m ost i n st a n tly to t h e s a n d . D u ri ng t h e d esce n t, t h eir bod ies r u b aga i n st ea c h ot h er,
b riefly b u t ro u g h ly. T h e electric fiel d of t h e d i alog u e is b ro k e n. T h eir rel a tio n s h i p , w h a t
ever it n ow is, is no lo nger sy m bolic. T h ey t u r n a n d b egi n to r u n tow a rd t h e ocea n .
Alre a d y t h e lig h ts see m fa r, fa r b e h i n d . T h e y a re b rig h t b u t t h ey ca st n o b ea m s;
p er h a ps t h ey a re s h i n i ng o n a l a yer of h ig h fog. T h e w a ves a h e a d a re b a rely visi b le. T h eir
b l a c k n ess is i m m e n sely cold a n d wet. K e n n y is te a ri ng off h is clot h es wit h wild w h oop i ng
cries. T h e l a st re m a i n i ng mi n i m of G eorge's c a u tio n is a w a re of t h e lig h ts a n d t h e
possi b ility of cr u ise ca rs a n d cop s, b u t h e does n't h esit a te, h e is n o lo nger a ble to; t h is
d a s h fro m t h e b a r ca n o n ly e n d i n t h e w a ter. H e stri p s h i mself cl u m sily, tri p p i ng over h is
p a n ts. K e n n y, st a r k n a k ed n ow, h a s p l u nged a n d is w a d i ng str a ig h t i n , li k e a fe a rless
n a tive w a r rior, to a tt a c k t h e w a ves. T h e u n d ertow is very stro ng. G eorge flo u n d ers for a
w h ile i n a s u rge of sto n es. As h e fi n a lly str u ggles t h ro u g h a n d feels sa n d u n der h is feet,
K e n n y co m es bod y-s u rfi ng o u t of t h e n ig h t a n d s h oots p a st h i m wit h o u t a gla n ce--a
w a ter-cre a t u re a b sor b ed i n its ele m e n t.
As for G eorge, t h ese w aves a re m u c h too b ig for h i m . T h ey see m tr u ly tre m e n do u s,
toweri ng u p , bl a c k n ess u n rolli ng itself o u t of bl a c k n ess, m ysterio u sly a n d a wf u lly
sp a r k li ng, t h e n c u rli ng over i n a t h u n d eri ng sla p of foa m w h ic h is sp a r k ed wit h
p h osp h or u s. G eorge h a s sp a r k s of it a ll over h is bod y, a n d h e l a u g h s wit h d elig h t to fi n d
h i m self bejeweled. L a u g h i ng, ga spi ng, c h o k i ng, h e is too d r u n k to b e afr a id ; t h e s a lt
w a ter h e sw a llows see m s a s i n tox ic a ti ng as w h is k ey. F ro m ti m e to ti m e h e c a tc h es
tre m e n do u s gli m pses of K e n n y, a r rowi ng dow n so m e top p li ng foa m -p recip ice. T h e n ,
i n te n t u po n h is ow n rites of p u rific a tio n , G eorge st aggers o u t o n ce more, wi d e-op e n -
a r m ed , to receive t h e st u n n i ng b a p tis m of t h e s u rf. G ivi ng h i m self to it u tterly, h e
w a s h es a w a y t h o u g h t, speec h , mood, d esire, w h ole selves, e n tire lifeti m es; aga i n a n d
aga i n h e ret u r n s, b eco m i ng a lw a ys cle a n er, freer, less. H e is p erfectly h a p py b y h i m self;
it's e n o u g h to k n ow t h a t K e n n y a n d h e a re t h e sole s h a rers of t h e ele m e n t. T h e w a ves
a n d t h e n ig h t a n d t h e n oise ex ist o n ly for t h eir p l a y. M e a n w h ile, n o more t h a n two
h u n d red ya r d s d ist a n t, t h e lig h ts s h i n e from t h e s h ore a n d t h e ca rs flic k p a st u p a n d
dow n t h e h ig h w a y, fla s h i ng t h eir lo ng b ea m s. O n t h e d a r k h illsi des yo u c a n see la m p s i n
t h e wi n dows of d ry h o m es, w h ere t h e d ry a re goi ng d ryly to t h eir d ry b ed s. B u t G eorge
a n d K e n n y a re ref u gees fro m d ry n ess; t h ey h a ve esca ped a cross t h e bord er i n to t h e
w a ter-worl d, lea vi ng t h eir clot h es b e h i n d t h e m for a c u sto m s fee.
A n d n ow, s u d de n ly, h ere is a grea t, a n a poca lyp tic a lly grea t w a ve, a n d G eorge is
w a y o u t, a l most o u t of h is d ep t h , st a n di ng n a k ed a n d ti n y b efore its p rese n ce, u n der t h e
li p of its ro a ri ng u p h e a va l a n d t h e toweri ng m e n a ce of its fa ll. H e tries to d ive t h ro u g h it-
-eve n n ow h e feels n o rea l fe a r--b u t i n ste a d h e is ca u g h t a n d pic k ed u p , t u r n ed over a n d
over a n d over, fla p p i ng a n d k ic k i ng tow a r d a s u rfa ce w h ic h m a y b e eit h er u p or dow n or
si d ew a ys, h e n o lo nger k n ows.
A n d n ow K e n n y is d r aggi ng h i m o u t, groggy-legged . K e n n y's h a n d s a re u n d er
G eorge's a r m p its a n d h e is l a u g h i ng a n d s a yi ng li k e a n a n n y, " T h a t's e n o u g h for n ow!"
A n d G eorge, still w a ter-d r u n k , ga sp s, "I'm a ll rig h t, " a n d w a n ts to go str aig h t b ac k i n to
t h e w a ter. B u t K e n n y s a ys, " Well, I'm n ot--I'm col d , " a n d n a n n y-li k e h e towels G eorge,
wit h h is ow n s h irt, n ot G eorge's, u n til G eorge stops h i m b eca u se h is b a c k is sore. T h e
n a n n y-rel a tio n s h i p is so co n vi n ci ng a t t h is m o m e n t t h a t G eorge feels h e co u l d c u rl u p
a n d fall i m m ed i a tely a sleep rig h t h ere, s h r u n k to c h il d -size wit h i n t h e s afety of K e n n y's
b ig n ess. K e n n y's bod y see m s to h a ve grow n giga n tic si n ce t h ey left t h e w a ter. E very t h i ng
a bo u t h i m is l a rger t h a n life: t h e w h ite teet h of h is gri n , t h e wi d e d ri p p i ng s h o u ld ers, t h e
t a ll sli m torso wit h its h e avy- h u ng sex , a n d t h e lo ng legs, n ow b egi n n i ng to s h iver.
" C a n we go b a c k to yo u r pl a ce, sir?" h e a s k s.
" S u re. W h ere else?"
" W h ere else?" K e n n y rep e a ts, see m i ng to fi n d t h is very a m u si ng. H e p ic k s u p h is
clot h es a n d t u r n s, still n a k ed , tow a rd t h e h igh w a y a n d t h e lig h ts.
" A re yo u cr a zy?" G eorge s h o u ts after h i m .
" W h a t's t h e m a tter?" K e n n y loo k s b a c k , gri n ni ng.
"Yo u're goi ng to w a l k h o m e li k e t h a t? A re yo u cr a zy? T h ey'd c a ll t h e cop s!"
K e n n y s h r u gs h is s h o u l d ers good - h u m ored ly. " Nobod y wo u ld h a ve see n u s. We're
i n visi ble--d id n't yo u k n ow?"
B u t h e gets i n to h is clot h es n ow, a n d G eorge does li k ewise. As t h ey st a r t u p t h e
b e a c h agai n , K e n n y p u ts h is a r m a ro u n d G eorge's s h o u ld er. "Yo u k n ow so m et h i ng, sir?
T h ey o u g h t n ot to let yo u o u t o n yo u r ow n , ever. Yo u're lia ble to get i n to re al tro u b le. "

T H E IR w a l k h o m e sob ers G eorge q u ite a lot. B y t h e ti m e t h ey re a c h t h e h o u se, b e n o

lo nger sees t h e two of t h e m a s wild w a ter-cre a t u res b u t a s a n el derly p rofessor wit h wet
h a ir b ri ngi ng h o m e a n ex ceedi ngly wet st u d e n t i n t h e m i d d le of t h e n ig h t. G eorge
b eco m es self-co n scio u s a n d a l m ost c u rt. "T h e b a t h roo m's u p st a irs. I'll get yo u so m e
towels. "
K e n n y re a cts to t h e for m a lity a t o n ce. " A re n't yo u t a k i ng a s h ower, too, sir?" h e
a s k s, i n a d efere n ti al, slig h tly d is a p poi n ted ton e.
"I c a n do t h a t l a ter. I wis h I h a d so m e clot h es yo u r size to le n d yo u . Yo u'll h a ve to
w r a p u p i n a b l a n k et, w h ile we d ry yo u r t h i ngs o n t h e h e a ter. It's r a t h er a slow p rocess,
I'm afra i d, b u t t h a t's t h e b est we c a n do. "
" Loo k , do n't w a n t to b e a n u is a n ce. W h y do n't I go now?"
" D o n't b e a n i diot. Yo u'd get p n e u m o n i a. "
" M y clot h es'll d ry o n m e. I'll b e a ll rig h t. "
" No n se n se! C o m e o n u p a n d I'll s h ow yo u w here every t h i ng is. "
G eorge's ref u s al to let h i m lea ve a p p e a rs to h a ve ple a sed K e n n y. A t a n y r a te, h e
m a k es a ter rific noise i n t h e s h ower, n ot so m u c h si ngi ng a s a series of s h o u ts. H e is
p rob a bly w a k i ng u p t h e n eig h bors, G eorge t h i n k s, b u t w h o ca res? G eorge's spirits a re u p
aga i n ; h e feels ex cited , a m u sed, a live. I n h is b ed roo m, h e u n d resses q u ic k ly, gets i n to
h is t h ic k w h ite ter ry-clot h b a t h robe, h u r ries dow n st airs aga i n , p u ts o n t h e k ettle a n d
fi x es so m e t u n a fis h a n d to m a to s a n d wic h es o n rye. T h ey a re a ll re a d y, set o u t o n a tr a y
i n t h e livi ng roo m , w h e n K e n n y co m es dow n , we a ri ng t h e bl a n k et a w k w a rd ly, sa ved -
fro m -s h i p w rec k style.
K e n n y does n't w a n t coffee or te a ; h e wo u l d r a t h er h a ve b eer, h e s a ys. So G eorge
gets h i m a c a n fro m t h e icebox a n d u n wisely po u rs h i m self a b iggis h Scotc h . H e ret u r n s
to fi n d K e n n y loo k i ng a ro u n d t h e roo m a s t h o u g h it fasci n a tes h i m .
"Yo u live h ere a ll b y yo u rself, sir?"
"Yes, " s a ys G eorge, a n d a d d s wit h a s h a d e of iro n y, " D oes t h a t s u r p rise yo u ?"
" No. O n e of t h e k id s sa id h e t h o u g h t yo u d id ."
" As a m a tter of fact, I u sed to s h a re t h is pl a ce wit h a frie n d. "
B u t K e n n y s h ows n o c u riosity a bo u t t h e frie n d . "Yo u do n't eve n h a ve a c a t or a
dog or a n y t h i ng?"
"Yo u t h i n k I s h o u l d?" G eorge a s k s, a b it aggressive. T h e poor old g u y does n't h a ve
a n y t h i ng to love, h e t h i n k s K e n n y is t h i n k i ng.
" H ell, n o! D id n't B a u d ela ire s a y t h ey're li a b le to t u r n i n to d e m o n s a n d t a k e over
yo u r life?"
" So m et h i ng li k e t h a t. T h is frie n d of m i n e h a d lots of a n i m a ls, t h o u g h , a n d t h ey
d i d n't see m to t a k e u s over. O f co u rse, it's d iffere n t w h e n t h ere's two of yo u . We ofte n
u sed to agree t h a t n eit h er o n e of u s wo u l d w a n t to k eep o n t h e a n i m als if t h e ot h er
w a s n't t h ere.... "
No. K e n n y is a bsol u tely n ot c u rio u s a bo u t a n y of t h is. I n d eed , h e is co n ce n tr a ti ng
o n t a k i ng a h u ge bite o u t of h is sa n d wic h . So G eorge a s k s h i m, "Is it all rig h t?"
"I'll s a y!" H e gri n s a t G eorge wit h h is mo u t h f u ll, t h e n sw allows a n d a d d s, "Yo u
k n ow so m et h i ng, sir? I believe yo u've d iscovered t h e secret of t h e p erfect life!"
"I h a ve?" G eorge h a s j u st g u lp ed n e a rly a q u a rter of h is Scotc h to d row n o u t a
sp a s m w h ic h st a rted w h e n h e t a l k ed a bo u t J i m a n d t h e a n i m a ls. Now be feels t h e
a lco h ol co mi ng b a c k o n h i m wit h a r u s h . It is ex h il a ra ti ng, b u t it is co mi ng m u c h too
fa st.
"Yo u do n't re a lize h ow m a n y k id s m y age j u st d re a m a bo u t t h e k i n d of set u p
yo u've got h ere. I m ea n , w h a t m ore c a n yo u w a n t? I m e a n , yo u do n't h a ve to t a k e or d ers
fro m a n ybod y. Yo u c a n do a n y cr a zy t h i ng t h a t co m es i n to yo u r h ea d. "
" A n d t h a t's yo u r i d ea of t h e p erfect life?"
" S u re it is!"
" H o n estly?"
" W h a t's t h e m a tter, sir? D o n't yo u believe m e?"
" W h a t I do n't q u ite u n d erst a n d is, if yo u're so k ee n o n livi ng alo n e-- h ow does Lois
fit i n?"
" Lois? W h a t's s h e got to do wit h it?"
" Now, loo k , Ke n n y--I do n't m e a n to b e n osy--b u t, rig h tly or w ro ngly, I got t h e i d ea
t h a t yo u a n d s h e m ig h t b e, well, co n si deri ng--"
" G etti ng m a r ried? No. T h a t's o u t. "
" O h?"
" S h e s a ys s h e wo n't m a r ry a C a u ca sia n . S h e s a ys s h e ca n't t a k e p eop le i n t h is
co u n try serio u sly. S h e does n't feel a n y t h i ng we do h ere m ea n s a n y t h i ng. S h e w a n ts to go
b a c k to J a p a n a n d tea c h . "
" S h e's a n A m eric a n citize n , is n't s h e?"
" O h , s u re. S h e's a Nisei. B u t, j u st t h e s a m e, s h e a n d h er w hole fa m ily got s h ip p ed
u p to o n e of t h ose i n ter n m e n t c a m p s i n t h e Sier r a s, rig h t after t h e w a r b ega n . H er fa t h er
h a d to sell h is b u si n ess for p ea n u ts, give it a w a y, p r actic a lly, to so m e s h a r k s w h o were
gr a b b i ng a ll t h e J a p a n ese p rop erty a n d t a l k i ng b ig a bo u t a ve ngi ng Pe a rl H a r bor! Lois
w a s o n ly a s m a ll k id , t h e n , b u t yo u c a n't ex p ect a n yo n e to forget a t h i ng li k e t h a t. S h e
s a ys t h ey were a ll tre a ted a s e n e m y a lie n s; n o o n e eve n ga ve a d a m n w h ic h sid e t h ey
were o n . S h e s a ys t h e N egroes were t h e o n ly o n es w h o a cted d ece n tly to t h e m . A n d a few
p a cifists. C h rist, s h e cert a i n ly h a s t h e rig h t to h a te o u r g u ts! Not t h a t s h e does, a ct u a lly.
S h e a lw a ys see m s to b e a ble to see t h e f u n n y si de of t h i ngs. "
 " A n d h ow do yo u feel a bo u t h er?"
" O h , I li k e h er a lot. "
" A n d s h e li k es yo u , does n't s h e?"
"I g u ess so. Yes, s h e does. A lot. "
" B u t do n't yo u w a n t to m a r ry h er?"
" O h s u re. I g u ess so. If s h e were to c h a nge h er a ttit u d e. B u t I do u b t if s h e will.
A n d , a n y h ow, I'm i n n o r u s h a bo u t m a r ryi ng a n yo n e. T h ere's a lot of t h i ngs I w a n t to do,
first--" K e n n y p a u ses, rega rd i ng G eorge with h is m ost te a si ng, p e n etr a ti ng gri n . "Yo u
k n ow w h a t I t h i n k , sir?"
" W h a t do yo u t h i n k ?"
"I do n't b elieve yo u're t h a t m u c h i n terested w h et h er I m a r ry Lois or n ot. I t h i n k
yo u w a n t to a s k m e so m et h i ng differe n t. O n ly yo u're n ot s u re h ow I'll t a k e it. "
" W h a t do I w a n t to a s k yo u?"
T h is is getti ng positively flirty, o n bot h si d es. K e n n y's b l a n k et, u n d er t h e rel a x i ng
i nfl u e n ce of t h e t al k a n d b eer, h a s slip p ed , b a ri ng a n a r m a n d a s h o u ld er a n d t u r n i ng
itself i n to a cl a ssic al G ree k ga r m e n t, t h e c h l a m ys wor n b y a yo u ng d isci p le--t h e fa vorite,
s u rely--of so m e p h ilosop h er. A t t h is m o m e n t, h e is u tterly, d a ngero u sly c h a r m i ng.
"Yo u w a n t to k n ow if Lois a n d I--if we m a k e o u t toget h er. "
" Well, do yo u ?"
K e n n y l a u g h s tri u m p h a n tly. " So I w as rig h t!"
" M a y b e. M a yb e n ot.... D o yo u ?"
" We d id , o n ce. "
" W h y o n ly o n ce?"
"It w a s n't so lo ng ago. We we n t to a m otel. It's dow n t h e b ea c h , a s a m a tter of fa ct,
q u ite n e a r h ere. "
"Is t h a t w h y yo u d rove o u t h ere to n ig h t?"
"Yes--p a rtly. I w a s tryi ng to t a l k h er i n to goi ng t h ere aga i n . "
" A n d t h a t's w h a t t h e a rg u m e n t w a s a bo u t?"
" W h o s a ys we h a d a n a rg u m e n t?"
"Yo u left h er to d rive h o m e a lo n e, d id n't yo u ?"
" O h well, t h a t w as b ec a u se.... No, yo u're rig h t--s h e d i d n't w a n t to. S h e h a ted t h a t
m otel t h e first ti m e, a n d I do n't b l a m e h er. T h e office a n d t h e d es k cler k , a n d t h e
register--a ll t h a t st u ff t h ey p u t yo u t h ro u g h . A n d of co u rse t h ey k n ow d a m n well w h a t
t h e score is. It a ll m a k es t h e t h i ng m u c h too i m port a n t a n d cor n y, li k e so me b ig si n or
so m et h i ng. A n d t h e w a y t h ey loo k a t yo u! G irls m i n d a ll t h a t m u c h m ore t h a n we do--"
" So n ow s h e's ca lled t h e w h ole t h i ng off?"
" H ell, no, it's n ot t h a t b a d! It's n ot t h a t s h e's aga i n st it, yo u u n d erst a n d. Not o n
p ri n ci ple. I n fa ct, s h e's d efi n itely--well, a n y h ow, I g u ess we c a n wor k so met h i ng o u t.
We'll h a ve to see.... "
"Yo u m e a n , m a y b e yo u c a n fi n d so m e p l a ce t h a t is n't so p u b lic a n d
e m b a r r a ssi ng?"
" T h a t'd b e a b ig h elp , cert a i n ly. " K e n n y gri n s, y a w n s, stretc h es h i m self. T h e
c h l a m ys slip s off h is ot h er s h o u l der. H e p u lls it b a c k over bot h s h o u ld ers a s h e rises,
t u r n i ng it i n to a bl a n k et aga i n a n d h i m self i n to a ga w k y twe n tiet h -ce n t u ry A m eric a n boy
co m ic ally str a n ded wit h o u t h is clot h es. " Loo k , sir, it's getti ng a s la te a s a ll h ell. I h a ve to
b e goi ng. "
" W h ere, m a y I as k ?"
" W h y, b a c k a cross tow n . "
"I n w h a t?"
"I c a n get a b u s, c a n't I?"
" T h ey wo n't st a rt r u n n i ng for a n ot h er two h o u rs, a t lea st. "
" J u st t h e s a m e... "
" W h y do n't yo u st a y h ere? To m or row d rive yo u . "
"I do n't t h i n k I... "
 "If yo u st a rt w a n d eri ng a ro u n d t h is n eig h bor h ood i n t h e d a r k , n ow t h e b a rs a re
s h u t, t h e police will stop yo u a n d a s k w h a t yo u're doi ng. A n d yo u a re n't ex a ctly sober, if
yo u do n't m i n d m y s a yi ng so. T h ey m ig h t even t a k e yo u i n . "
" H o n estly, sir, I'll b e a ll rig h t. "
"I t h i n k yo u're o u t of yo u r m i n d . H owever, we'll d isc u ss t h a t i n a m i n u te. F irst--sit
dow n . I've got so m et h i ng I w a n t to tell yo u . "
K e n n y sits dow n obed ie n tly, wit h o u t f u rt h er p rotest. Per h a p s h e is c u rio u s to
k n ow w h a t G eorge's n ex t move will b e.
" Now liste n to t h is very c a ref u lly. I a m a bo u t to m a k e a si m p le st a te m e n t of fa ct.
O r fa cts. No co m m e n t is req u ired fro m yo u . If yo u li k e, yo u c a n d ecid e t h a t t h is does n't
co n cer n yo u a t a ll. Is t h a t clea r?"
"Yes, sir. "
" T h ere's a wo m a n I k n ow w h o lives n e a r h ere--a very close frie n d of m i n e. We h ave
s u p p er toget h er a t le a st o n e d a y a wee k ; ofte n , m ore t h a n t h a t. M a tter of fa ct, we h a d
s u p p er to n ig h t. Now--it n ever m a k es a n y d iffere n ce to h er w h ic h d a y I p ic k . So w h a t I've
d ecid ed is t h is--a n d, m i n d, it h a s n ot h i ng w h a tsoever to do wit h yo u , n ecess a rily--fro m
n ow o n , I s h a ll go to h er p l a ce for s u p p er ea c h wee k o n t h e s a m e n ig h t. I n v a ri a b ly, o n
t h e s a m e n ig h t. To n ig h t, t h a t is. Is t h a t m u c h cle a r? No, do n't a n swer. G o rig h t o n
liste n i ng, b eca u se I'm j u st co m i ng to t h e poi n t. T h ese n ig h ts, w h e n I h a ve s u p p er wit h
m y frie n d, I s h all n ever, u n d er a n y circ u m st a n ces, ret u r n h ere b efore m id n ig h t. Is t h a t
cle a r? No--liste n! T h is h o u se is n ever loc k ed, bec a u se a n yo n e co u l d get i n to it a n y w a y
j u st b y b re a k i ng a p a n el i n t h e gla ss door. U p st a irs, i n m y st u d y, yo u m u st h a ve n oticed
t h a t t h ere's a co u c h b ed? I k eep it m a d e u p wit h cle a n s h eets o n it, j u st o n t h e o n ce-i n -
a -b l u e m oo n c h a n ce t h a t I'll get a n u n ex pected g u est--s u c h a s yo u a re goi ng to be
to n ig h t, for i n st a n ce.... No--liste n c a ref u lly! If t h a t b ed were ever u sed w h ile I w a s o u t,
a n d str a ig h te n ed u p after w a r d s, I'd n ever be a n y t h e wiser. A n d if m y cle a n i ng wo m a n
were to n otice a n y t h i ng, s h e'd merely p u t t h e s h eets o u t to go to t h e l a u n d ry; s h e'd
s u p pose I'd h a d a g u est a n d forgotte n to tell h er... All rig h t! I've m a de a d ecisio n a n d n ow
I've tol d yo u a bo u t it. J u st a s I m ig h t tell yo u I'd d ecid ed to w a ter t h e ga r de n o n a cert a i n
d a y of t h e wee k . I h a ve a lso tol d yo u a few facts a bo u t t h is h o u se. Yo u ca n m a k e a n ote
of t h e m . O r yo u c a n forget t h e m . T h a t's a ll. "
G eorge loo k s str a ig h t a t K e n n y. K e n n y s m iles b a c k a t h i m fa i n tly. B u t h e is--yes,
j u st a little b it--e m b a r r assed .
" A n d n ow get m e a n ot h er d ri n k . "
" O k a y, sir. " K e n n y rises fro m h is c h a ir wit h n otice a b le eager n ess, a s if gl a d of t h is
b re a k i ng of te n sio n.
H e pic k s u p G eorge's gla ss a n d goes i n to t h e k itc h e n . G eorge ca lls after h i m , " A n d
get yo u rself o n e, too!"
K e n n y p u ts h is h ea d a ro u n d t h e cor n er, gri n n i ng. "Is t h a t a n or d er, sir?"
"Yo u're d a m n rig h t it is!"
I s u p pose yo u've d ecid ed I'm a d irty ol d m a n?"
W h ile K e n n y w a s getti ng t h e d ri n k s fro m t h e k itc h e n , G eorge felt h i m self e n teri ng
a n ew p h a se. Now, a s K e n n y t a k es h is se a t aga i n , h e is, t h o u g h h e c a n n ot h a ve re alized
it yet, i n t h e p rese n ce of a G eorge tr a n sfor m ed : a for m id a b le G eorge, w h o a rtic u l a tes
t h ic k ly b u t clea rly, wit h a m e n ace b e h i n d h is word s. A n i n q u isitori a l G eorge, se a ted i n
j u dg m e n t a n d p er h a p s a bo u t to p ro n o u n ce se n te n ce. A n or a c u la r G eorge, w h o m a y
s h ortly b egi n to sp ea k wit h to ng u es.
T h is is n't a t a ll li k e t h eir d r u n k e n n ess a t T h e St a r bo a r d Si d e. K e n n y a n d h e a re
n o lo nger i n t h e sy m bolic d ia log u e-rel a tio n sh i p ; t h is n ew p h a se of co m - m u n ic a tio n is
very m u c h p erso n -to-p erso n . Yet, p a ra dox ica lly, K e n n y see m s fa rt h er a w a y, n ot closer;
h e h a s reced ed fa r b eyo n d t h e possi ble li m its of a n electric field . I n d eed , it is o nly n ow
a n d t h e n t h a t G eorge c a n see h i m cle a rly, for t h e roo m h a s b eco m e d a zzli ngly b rig h t,
a n d K e n n y's fa ce k eep s fa di ng i n to t h e b rig h t n ess. Also, t h ere is a lo u d b u zzi ng i n
G eorge's e a rs, so lo u d t h a t h e ca n't b e cert a i n if K e n n y a n swered h is q u estio n or n ot.
 "Yo u n eed n't s a y a n y t h i ng, " G eorge tells K e n n y (t h u s d ea li ng wit h eit h er
possi b ility), " b eca u se I a d m it it--o h , h ell, yes, of co u rse I a d m it it--I a m a d irty ol d m a n .
N i n ety- n i n e p er ce n t of all ol d m e n a re d irty. T h a t is, if yo u w a n t to t a l k t h a t l a ng u age; if
yo u i n sist o n t h a t k i n d of d re a ri n ess. I'm n ot p rotesti ng aga i n st w h a t yo u c h oose to c a ll
m e or do n't. I'm p rotesti ng agai n st a n a ttit u d e--a n d I'm o n ly doi ng t h a t for yo u r sa k e,
n ot m i n e.
" Loo k --t h i ngs a re q u ite b a d e n o u g h a n y h ow, n ow a d a ys--we're i n q u ite e n o u g h of a
m ess, se m a n tica lly a n d every ot h er w a y--wit h o u t getti ng o u rselves e n t a ngled i n t h ese
d re a ry ca tegories. I m e a n , w h a t is t h is life of o u rs s u p posed to be for? A re we to sp e n d it
i d e n tifyi ng e a c h ot h er wit h c a t a log u es, li k e to u rists i n a n a rt ga llery? O r a re we to try to
ex c h a nge so m e k i n d of a sig n a l, however ga r b led , b efore it's too l a te? Yo u a n swer m e
t h a t!
"It's a ll very fi n e a n d e a sy for yo u yo u ng t h i ngs to co m e to m e o n c a m p u s a n d tell
m e I'm c agey. M ercif u l C h rist--c agey! D o n't yo u eve n k n ow b etter t h a n t h a t? D o n't yo u
h a ve a gli m m eri ng of h ow I m u st feel--lo ngi ng to sp e a k ?
"Yo u a s k ed m e a bo u t ex p erie n ce. So I tol d yo u . E x p erie n ce is n't a n y u se. A n d yet,
i n q u ite a n ot h er w a y, it m ig h t be. If o n ly we were n't a ll s u c h m isera ble fools a n d p r u d es
a n d cow a r d s. Yes, yo u too, m y boy. A n d don't yo u d a re d e n y it! W h a t I s a i d j u st n ow,
a bo u t t h e b ed i n t h e st u dy--t h a t s h oc k ed yo u . B eca u se yo u were d eter m i n ed to be
s h oc k ed . Yo u u tterly ref u sed to u n d erst a n d m y m otives. O h G od , do n't yo u see? T h a t
b ed --w h a t t h a t b ed me a n s--t h a t's w h a t ex perie n ce is!
" O h well, I'm n ot b l a m i ng yo u . It'd b e a m ir acle if yo u d id u n d erst a n d . N ever m i n d.
F orget it. H ere a m I. H ere a re yo u --i n t h a t d a m n ed bl a n k et. W h y do n't yo u t a k e it rig h t
off, for C h rist's sa k e? W h a t m a de m e s a y t h a t? I s u p pose yo u're goi ng to m is u n d erst a n d
t h a t, too? Well, if yo u do, I do n't give a d a m n. T h e poi n t is-- h ere a m I a n d h ere a re yo u --
a n d for o n ce t h ere's n o o n e to d ist u r b u s. T h is m a y n ever h a p p e n agai n . I m e a n t h a t
liter a lly! A n d t h e ti m e is d esp er a tely s h ort. All rig h t, let's p u t t h e c a r d s o n t h e t a b le. W h y
a re yo u h ere i n t h is roo m a t t h is m o m e n t? B ec a u se yo u w a n t m e to tell yo u so m et h i ng!
T h a t's t h e tr u e re a so n yo u c a me all t h e w a y a cross tow n to n ig h t. Yo u m a y h a ve h o n estly
b elieved it w as to get Lois i n b ed wit h yo u . M i n d yo u , I'm n ot sa yi ng o n e wor d agai n st
h er. S h e's a tr u ly b e a u tif u l a ngel. B u t yo u c a n't fool a d irty ol d m a n ; h e is n't se n ti m e n t a l
a bo u t Yo u ng Love; h e k n ows j u st h ow m u c h it's wort h --a gre a t d ea l, b u t n ot every t h i ng.
No, m y d ea r K e n n et h . Yo u c a m e h ere t h is eve n i ng to see m e--w h et h er yo u re a lize it or
n ot. So m e p a rt of yo u k n ew q u ite well t h a t Lois wo u l d ref u se to go to t h a t m otel aga i n ;
a n d t h a t t h a t wo u l d give yo u a n ex c u se to sen d h er h o m e a n d get yo u rself str a n d ed o u t
h ere. I ex p ect t h a t poor girl is feeli ng ter ri b le a bo u t it a ll, rig h t n ow, a n d cryi ng i n to h er
p illow. Yo u m u st b e very sweet to h er w h e n yo u see h er aga i n ....
" B u t I'm get ti ng off t h e poi n t. T h e poi n t is, y o u c a m e to a s k m e a bo u t so m et h i ng
t h a t re a lly is i m port a n t. So w h y b e a s h a m ed a n d d e n y it? Yo u see, I k n ow yo u t h ro u g h
a n d t h ro u g h . I k now ex a ctly w h a t yo u w a n t. Yo u w a n t m e to tell yo u w h a t I k n ow.
" O h , K e n n et h , K e n n et h , b elieve me--t h ere's n ot h i ng I'd ra t h er do! I w a n t li k e h ell
to tell yo u . B u t I c a n't. I q u ite liter a lly c a n't. B ec a u se, do n't yo u see, w h a t I k n ow is w h a t
I a m? A n d I c a n't tell yo u t h a t. Yo u h a ve to fi n d it o u t for yo u rself. I'm li k e a boo k yo u
h a ve to re a d . A boo k ca n't re a d itself to yo u . It does n't eve n k n ow w h a t it's a bo u t. I do n't
k n ow w h a t I'm a bo u t.
"Yo u co u l d k now w h a t I'm a bo u t. Yo u co u ld . B u t yo u c a n't b e bot h ered to. Loo k --
yo u're t h e o n ly boy I ever m et o n t h a t c a m p u s I re a lly b elieve co u l d. T h a t's w h a t m a k es it
so tr agic a lly f u tile. I n ste a d of tryi ng to k n ow, yo u co m m it t h e i n ex c u s a b le trivia lity of
s a yi ng 'H e's a d irty ol d m a n ,' a n d t u r n i ng t h is eve n i ng, w h ic h m ig h t b e t h e m ost
p recio u s a n d u nforgett a b le of yo u r yo u ng life, i n to a flirt a tio n! Yo u do n't li k e t h a t wor d,
do yo u ? B u t it's t h e wor d . It's t h e e n or m o u s tr aged y of every t h i ng n ow a d a ys: flirt a tio n .
F lirt a tio n i n ste a d of f u c k i ng, if yo u'll p a rdon m y co a rse n ess. All a n y of yo u ever do is
flirt, a n d we a r yo u r bl a n k ets off o n e s ho u l d er, a n d co m p l ai n a bo u t m otels. A n d m iss t h e
o n e t h i ng t h a t m ig h t re a lly--a n d, K e n n et h , I do n ot s a y t h is ca s u a lly--tr a n sfor m yo u r
e n tire life--"
F or a m o m e n t, K e n n y's fa ce is q u ite d isti n ct. It gri n s, d a zzli ngly. T h e n h is gri n
b re a k s u p , is refr a cted , or w h a teve r yo u ca ll it, i n to r a i n bows of lig h t. T h e r a i n bows
b l a ze. G eorge is b li n d ed b y t h e m . H e s h u ts h is eyes. A n d n ow t h e b u zzi ng i n h is e a rs is
t h e ro a r of N i aga r a.

H A L F a n h o u r, a n h o u r, l a ter-- n ot lo ng, a n y w a y-- G eorge b li n k s a n d is a w a k e.

N ig h t, still. D a r k . W a r m . B ed. A m i n b ed! H e jer k s u p , p rop p ed o n h is el bow.
C lic k s o n t h e b ed sid e l a m p . H is h a n d does t h is; a r m i n sleeve; p a ja m a sleeve. A m i n
p a ja m a s! W h y? H ow?
W h ere is h e?
G eorge st aggers o u t of b ed, dizzy, a b it sic k is h , st a rtled wi d e a w a k e. Re a d y to
l u rc h i n to t h e fro n t roo m . No--w a it. H ere's p a p er p rop p ed aga i n st la m p:

T h o u g h t m a y b e I'd better sp lit, after a ll. I li k e to w a n d er a ro u n d a t n ig h t. If t h ose

cop s p ic k m e u p , I wo n't tell t h e m w h ere I've b ee n --I p ro m ise! Not eve n if t h ey twist m y
a r m!
T h a t w a s gre a t, t h is eve n i ng. Let's do it agai n , s h a ll we? O r do n't yo u b elieve i n
rep e a ti ng t h i ngs?
C o u l d n't fi n d p a ja m a s yo u a lre a d y u sed, so too k t h ese cle a n o n es fro m t h e
d r a wer. M a yb e yo u sleep r a w? D id n't w a n t to t a k e a c h a n ce, t h o u g h . C a n't h a ve yo u
getti ng p n e u m o n i a, c a n we?
T h a n k s for every t h i ng,
K ENN E TH

G eorge sits o n t h e b ed , re a d i ng t h is. T h e n , wit h slig h t i m p a tie n ce, li k e a ge n er al

w h o h a s j u st gla n ced t h ro u g h a n u n i m port a n t d isp a tc h , h e lets t h e p a per slid e to t h e
floor, st a n d s u p , goes i n to t h e b a t h roo m , e m p ties h is b la d d er, does n't gl a n ce i n t h e
m ir ror, does n't eve n t u r n o n t h e lig h t, ret u r n s to bed , gets i n , switc h es off b ed la m p .
Little te a ser, h is m i n d s a ys, b u t wit h o u t t h e le ast rese n t m e n t. J u st as well h e
d i d n't st a y.
B u t, a s h e lies o n h is b ac k i n t h e d a r k , t h ere is so m et h i ng t h a t k eep s h i m fro m
sleep: a tic k le i n t h e b lood a n d t h e n erves of t h e groi n . T h e a lco h ol itc h es i n h i m , dow n
t h ere.
L yi ng i n t h e d a r k , h e co n j u res u p K e n n y a n d Lois i n t h eir c a r, m a k es t h e m d rive
i n to C a m p h or Tree L a n e, p a r k f u rt h er dow n t h e street, i n c a se a n eig h bor s h o u ld b e
w a tc h i ng, h u r ry d iscreetly a cross t h e b ri dge, get t h e door ope n --it stic k s, s h e giggles--
b u m p aga i n st t h e livi ng-roo m f u r n it u re--a ti n y J a p a n ese cry of al a r m --ti p toe u p st a irs
wit h o u t t u r n i ng o n t h e lig h ts...
No--it wo n't wor k . G eorge tries severa l ti m es, b u t h e j u st c a n n ot m a k e Lois go u p
t h ose st a irs. E a c h ti m e h e st a rts h er u p t h e m , s h e d e m a teri alizes, a s it were. (A n d n ow
h e k n ows, wit h a b sol u te cert a i n ty, t h a t K e n n y will n eve r b e a b le to p ers u a d e h er eve n to
e n ter t h is h o u se.)
B u t t h e p l a y h a s b eg u n , n ow, a n d G eorge is n't a bo u t to stop it. K e n n y m u st b e
p rovid ed wit h a p a rt n er. So G eorge t u r n s Lois i n to t h e sex y little gol d c a t, t h e M ex ic a n
te n n is p l a yer. No tro u b le a bo u t getti ng h i m u p st a irs! H e a n d K e n n y a re toget h er i n t h e
fro n t roo m , n ow. G eorge h e a rs a b elt d rop to t h e floor. T h ey a re stri p p i ng t h e m selves
n a k ed.
T h e b lood t h rob s deep dow n i n G eorge's groi n . T h e fles h stirs a n d swells u p ,
s u d d e n ly h a rd h ot. T h e p a ja m a s a re p u lled off, tossed o u t of b ed .
 G eorge h ea rs K e n n y w h isp er to t h e M ex ica n , C o m e o n, k id! M a k i ng h i m self
i n visi ble, h e e n ters t h e fro n t roo m . H e fi n d s t h e two of t h e m j u s t a bo u t to lie dow n
toget h er....
No. T h a t wo n't wor k , eit h er. G eorge does n't li k e K e n n y's a ttit u d e. H e is n't t a k i ng
h is l u st serio u sly; i n fa ct, h e see m s to b e o n t h e verge of giggles. Q u ic k --we n eed a
s u b stit u te! G eorge h a stily t u r n s K e n n y i n to t h e b ig b lo n d boy fro m t h e te n n is co u rt. O h ,
m u c h b etter! Perfect! Now t h ey c a n e m b r a ce. Now t h e fierce h ot a n i m a l p la y c a n b egi n.
G eorge h overs a bove t h e m , w a tc h i ng; t h en h e b egi n s p a ssi ng i n a n d o u t of t h eir
w rit h i ng, p a n ti ng bod ies. H e is eit h er. H e is bot h a t o n ce. A h --it is so good! A h --a h !
Yo u ol d id iot, G eorge's mi n d sa ys. B u t h e is n ot a s h a m ed of h i m self. H e sp ea k s to
t h e n ow sl a c k a n d swe a ti ng bod y wit h toler a n t good h u m or, a s if to a n ol d greed y dog
w h ic h h a s j u st gob b led dow n a c h u n k of m e a t fa r b igger t h a n it re a lly w a n ted . Well,
m a y b e yo u'll let u s sleep , n ow? H is h a n d feels for a h a n d k erc h ief fro m u n d er t h e p illow,
wi p es h is b elly d ry.
As sleep b egi n s to w a s h lig h tly over h i m , he a s k s h i m self, S h a ll I mi n d m eeti ng
K e n n y's eye i n cl ass o n Mo n d a y?
No. Not a bit. E ve n if h e h a s told Lois (w h ic h I do u b t): I u n d ressed h i m , I p u t h i m
to b ed , h e w a s d r u n k a s a s k u n k . F or t h e n h e will h a ve told h er a bo u t t h e swi m m i ng,
too: Yo u s h o u l d h a ve see n h i m i n t h a t w a ter--a s cr a zy as a k i d! T h ey o u g h t n ot to let yo u
o u t o n yo u r ow n , I sa i d to h i m .
G eorge s m iles to h i m self, wit h e n tire self-s a tisfa ctio n . Yes, I a m cr a zy, h e t h i n k s.
T h a t is m y secret; m y stre ngt h .
A n d I'm a bo u t to get m u c h cr a zier, h e a n n o u n ces. J u st w a tc h m e, a ll of yo u! D o
yo u k n ow w h a t? I'm flyi ng to M exico for C h rist m a s! Yo u d a re m e to? I'll m a k e
reserv a tio n s first t h i ng i n t h e m or n i ng!
H e fa lls a sleep, still s m ili ng.

P A R TIA L s u rfa ci ngs, after t h is. Pa rti a l e mergi ngs, j u st b a rely b rea k i ng t h e s h eeted c a l m
of t h e w a ter. Most of G eorge re m a i n i ng s u b merged i n sleep .
J u st b a rely a w as h , t h e b r a i n i n si d e its s k u ll o n t h e pillow cog n izes d a r k ly; n ot i n
its d a y ti m e m a n n er. It is i n c a p a b le of d ecision n ow. B u t, p er h a p s for t h is very re aso n , it
c a n b eco m e a w a re, i n t h is st a te, of cert a i n decisio n s a p p a re n tly n ot yet m a de. D ecisio n s
t h a t a re li k e cod icils w h ic h h a ve bee n secretly sig n ed a n d wit n essed a n d p u t a w a y i n a
m ost p riva te pl a ce to a w a it t h e h o u r of t h eir ex ec u tio n .
D a y ti m e G eorge m a y eve n q u estio n t h e m a k er of t h ese d ecisio n s; b u t h e will n ot
b e a llowed to re m e m b er its a n swers i n t h e mor n i ng.
W h a t if K e n n y h a s b ee n sc a red off? W h a t if h e does n't co m e b a c k? Let h i m st a y
a w a y. G eorge does n't n eed h i m, or a n y of t h ese k i d s. H e is n't loo k i ng for a so n .
W h a t if C h a rlotte goes b a c k to E ngl a n d?
H e c a n do wit h o u t h er, if h e m u st. H e does n't n eed a sister.
Will G eorge go b a c k to E ngl a n d?
No. H e will st a y h ere.
B ec a u se of J i m?
No. J i m is i n t h e p a st, n ow. H e is of n o u se to G eorge a n y m ore.
B u t G eorge re m e m b ers h i m so fait hf u lly.
G eorge m a k es h i m self re m e m b er. H e is afr aid of forgetti ng. J i m is m y life, h e s a ys.
B u t h e will h ave to forget, if h e w a n ts to go on livi ng. J i m is d e a t h . T h e n w h y will G eorge
st a y h ere?
T h is is w h ere h e fo u n d J i m. H e believes h e will fi n d a n ot h er J i m h ere. H e does n't
k n ow it, b u t h e h a s st a rted loo k i ng alre a d y.
W h y does G eorge b elieve h e will fi n d h i m?
H e o n ly k n ows t h a t h e m u st fi n d h i m. H e believes h e will b ec a u se h e m u st.
 B u t G eorge is getti ng ol d. Wo n't it very soo n b e too l a te?
N ever u se t h ose wor d s to G eorge. H e wo n't liste n . H e d a re n't liste n . D a m n t h e
f u t u re. Let K e n n y a n d t h e k i d s h a ve it. Let C h a rley k eep t h e p a st. G eorge cli ngs o n ly to
Now. It is Now t h a t h e m u st fi n d a n ot h er J i m . Now t h a t h e m u st love. Now t h a t h e m u st
live....

M E A N W H IL E , h ere we h a ve t h is body k now n a s G eorge's bod y, asleep o n t h is b ed a n d

s n ori ng q u ite lo u d. T h e d a m p n ess of t h e oce a n a ir affects its si n u ses; a n d a n y h ow, it
s n ores ex tr a lo u d after d ri n k i ng. J i m u sed to k ic k it a w a k e, t u r n it over o n its sid e,
so m eti m es get o u t of b ed i n a f u ry a n d go to sleep i n t h e fro n t roo m .
B u t is a ll of G eorge a ltoget h er p rese n t h ere?
U p t h e co a st a few m iles n ort h , i n a l a v a reef u n d er t h e cliffs, t h ere a re a lot of
roc k pools. Yo u c a n visit t h e m w h e n t h e ti d e is o u t. E a c h pool is sep a r a te a n d differe n t,
a n d yo u ca n , if yo u a re fa n cif u l, give t h e m n a m es, s u c h a s G eorge, C h a rlotte, Ke n n y,
M rs. Str u n k . J u st a s G eorge a n d t h e ot h ers a re t h o u g h t of, for co n ve n ie n ce, as
i n d ivid u a l e n tities, so yo u m a y t h i n k of a roc k pool a s a n e n tity; t h o u g h , of co u rse, it is
n ot. T h e w a ters of its co n scio u s n ess--so to sp e a k --a re sw a r m i ng wit h h u n ted a n x ieties,
gri m -j a wed greed s, d a rti ngly vivid i n t u itio n s, old cr u sty-s h elled roc k -gri p p i ng
ob sti n a cies, d eep -dow n sp a r k li ng u n d iscovered secrets, o m i n o u s p rotea n orga n is ms
m otio n i ng m ysterio u sly, p er h a ps w a r n i ngly, tow a r d t h e s u rfa ce lig h t. H ow c a n s u c h a
v a riety of cre a t u res coex ist a t a ll? B ec a u se t h ey h a ve to. T h e roc k s of t h e pool h old t h eir
worl d toget h er. A n d, t h ro u g h o u t t h e d a y of t h e eb b tid e, t h ey k n ow n o ot h er.
B u t t h a t lo ng d a y e n d s a t la st; yiel ds to t h e n ig h tti m e of t h e flood . A n d , j u st a s t h e
w a ters of t h e oce a n co m e flood i ng, d a r k e n i ng over t h e pools, so over G eorge a n d t h e
ot h ers i n sleep co m e t h e w a ters of t h a t ot h er oce a n --t h a t co n scio u s n ess w h ic h is n o o n e
i n p a rtic u la r b u t w h ic h co n t a i n s everyo n e a n d every t h i ng, p a st, p rese n t a n d f u t u re, a n d
ex te n d s u n b ro k e n beyo n d t h e u tter m ost st a rs. We m a y s u rely s u p pose t h a t, i n t h e
d a r k n ess of t h e f u ll flood, so m e of t h ese crea t u res a re lifted fro m t h eir pools to d rift fa r
o u t over t h e d eep w a ters. B u t do t h ey ever b ri ng b a c k , w h e n t h e d a y ti m e of t h e eb b
ret u r n s, a n y k i n d of ca tc h wit h t h e m? C a n t h ey tell u s, i n a n y m a n n er, a bo u t t h eir
jo u r n ey? Is t h ere, i n d eed , a n y t h i ng for t h e m to tell--ex cep t t h a t t h e w a ters of t h e oce a n
a re n ot re a lly ot h er t h a n t h e w a ters of t h e pool?

WIT H I N t h is bod y o n t h e b ed , t h e gre a t p u m p wor k s o n a n d o n , n eed i ng n o rest. All over

t h is q u ietly p u ls a ti ng ve h icle t h e s k eleto n crew m a k e t h eir ti n y a d j u st m e n ts. As for w h a t
goes o n top si d e, t h ey k n ow n ot h i ng of t h is b u t d a nger sig n a ls, fa lse a la r m s m ostly: red
lig h ts fla s h ed fro m t h e p a n ic k y b r ai n ste m , c u rtly co n -tr a d icted b y gree n all clea rs fro m
t h e level- h e a d ed cortex . B u t n ow t h e co n trols a re o n a u to m a tic. T h e cortex is d rowsi ng;
t h e b r a i n ste m registers o n ly a n occa sio n a l n ig h t m a re. E very t h i ng see m s set for a
ro u ti n e r u n fro m h ere to m or n i ng. T h e od d s a re e n or m o u sly aga i n st a n y k i n d of
a ccid e n t. T h e s afety record of t h is ve h icle is o u tst a n d i ng.
J u st let u s s u p pose, h owever.
Let u s t a k e t h e p a rtic u l a r i n st a n t, ye a rs ago, w h e n G eorge w a l k ed i n to T h e
St a r bo a r d Si de a n d set eyes for t h e first ti m e o n J i m , n ot yet d e m ob ilized a n d loo k i ng
st u n n i ng b eyo n d wor ds i n h is N a vy u n ifor m . Let u s t h e n s u p pose t h a t, a t t h a t s a m e
i n st a n t, d eep dow n i n o n e of t h e m ajor b r a n c h es of G eorge's coro n a ry a rtery, a n
u n i m agi n a bly gr a d u a l p rocess b ega n . So m eh ow-- n o doctor c a n tell u s ex a ctly w h y--t h e
i n n er li n i ng b egi n s to b eco m e ro u g h e n ed. A n d , o n e b y o n e, o n t h e ro u g h e n ed s u rfa ce of
t h e s m oot h e n dot h eli u m , io n s of c a lci u m , c a r ried b y t h e b lood stre a m , b egi n to b e
d eposited.... T h u s, slowly, i n visi bly, wit h t h e u t m ost d iscretio n a n d wit h o u t t h e slig h test
h i n t to t h ose ol d f u ssers i n t h e b r a i n , a n al m ost i n d ece n tly m elod r a m a tic sit u a tio n is
co n trived : t h e for m a tio n of t h e a t h ero m a to u s p l aq u e.
Let u s s u p pose t h is, m erely. (T h e bod y o n t h e b ed is still s n o ri ng.) T h is t h i ng is
wil dly i m p rob a b le. Yo u co u l d bet t h o u s a n d s of doll a rs aga i n st its h a p pe n i ng, to n ig h t or
a n y n ig h t. A n d yet it co u l d , q u ite possib ly, b e a bo u t to h a p p e n --wit h i n t h e n ex t five
m i n u tes.
V ery well--let u s s u p pose t h a t t h is is t h e n ig h t, a n d t h e h o u r, a n d t h e a p poi n ted
m i n u te.
Now.
T h e bod y o n t h e b ed stirs slig h tly, p er h a p s; b u t it does n ot cry o u t, does n ot w a k e.
It s h ows no o u tw a rd sig n of t h e i n st a n t, a n n i h il a ti ng s h oc k . C ortex a n d b r ai n ste m a re
m u r d ered i n t h e b l a c k o u t wit h t h e sp ee d of a n I n d i a n str a ngler. T h rottled o u t of its
ox yge n , t h e h e a rt cle n c h es a n d stop s. T h e l u ngs go d e a d , t h eir power li n e c u t. All over
t h e bod y, t h e a rteri a ls co n tr a ct. H a d t h is b loc k age n ot b ee n a b sol u te, h a d t h e occl u sio n
occ u r red i n o n e of t h e s m a ller b ra n c h es of t h e a rtery, t h e s k eleto n crew co u ld h a ve de a lt
wit h it; t h ey a re c a p a ble of e ngi n eeri ng m iracles. G ive n ti m e, t h ey co u l d h a ve rigged u p
b y p a sses, c h a n n eled o u t n ew colla ter a l com m u n ic a tio n s, sea led off t h e d a m aged a rea
wit h a sca r. B u t t h ere is n o ti m e a t all. T h ey d ie wit h o u t w a r n i ng a t t h eir posts.
F or a few mi n u tes, m a y b e, life li ngers i n t he tiss u es of so m e o u tlyi ng regio n s of
t h e bod y. T h e n , o n e b y o n e, t h e lig h ts go o u t a n d t h ere is tot a l b l ac k n ess. A n d if so m e
p a rt of t h e n o n e n tity we c a lled G eorge h a s i n d eed b ee n a b se n t a t t h is m o m e n t of
ter m i n a l s h oc k , a w a y o u t t h ere o n t h e d eep w a ters, t h e n it will ret u r n to fi n d itself
h o m eless. F or it c a n a ssoci a te n o lo nger wit h w h a t lies h ere, u n s n ori ng, o n t h e b ed . T h is
is n ow co u si n to t h e ga r b age i n t h e co n t a i n er o n t h e b a c k porc h . Bot h will h a ve to b e
c a rted a w a y a n d disposed of, b efore too lo ng.

The E nd