/restaurants
ECONOMIC EATING
AT HOMETOWN BUFFET
IS ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE?
BY OLIVER GETTELL
G iven the shaky economy and the
mortgage mess, it would seem
the American dream has lost a bit
of its luster. But if there’s any place
that can calm recession woes, restore
consumer confidence and promise
good value, surely it’s the Hometown
Buffet (locations citywide). With
its comfort-food menu and all-you-
can-eat buffet, HTB would seem the
perfect restaurant for lean times. The
notion of an endless buffet is, after
all, an apt metaphor for the American
dream. It is a place of opportunity, a
land of plenty, a multicultural melting
pot where minestrone, enchiladas
and kielbasa peacefully coexist under
one roof.
To test this theory, I enlist the help
of Metromix photo editor Shane Redsar,
who once ate four and a half 60-cent
chiliburgers. When it comes to eating, he
is an expert at getting his money’s
worth. Driving up the 5,
we discuss strategy.
We’ve chosen not
Plates aplenty
FREE,
PHOTOS BY SHANE REDSAR
CHEAP&
EA$Y
to fast (that’s a rookie mistake). We will
keep beverages to a minimum and avoid
filler (grains, vegetables, etc.) in favor
of big-ticket proteins such as steak and
shrimp. Imagine the old food pyramid,
but inverted.
We arrive, pay the cashier $11.99
each and survey the scene. The carving
station is being replenished, so our
protein-first game plan goes out the
window. That’s OK; buffet eating, like
jazz (that other great American art), is
all about improvisation. I make my first
plate an international celebration: a hard-
shell taco, spaghetti with meat sauce,
orange chicken, rice pilaf, fried chicken
and Salisbury steak (from Salisbury,
We eat the world
presumably). The taco and orange The plates that follow do not
chicken are reasonable facsimiles of their disappoint in their variety. We sample
fast-food counterparts, and the fried fried fish (pretty good), mashed potatoes
chicken is a standout. It’s hot, crispy and, with gravy (like Mom used to make),
as Shane says, “just greasy enough.” The sausage calzone (labeled “new!”),
Salisbury steak, however, despite being a fried clams (“What are these?” I ask an
daily special, resembles wet newspaper. attendant), seafood salad (“interesting,”
Shane’s mac ‘n’ cheese also elicits Shane says ominously) and more. The
a grimace; it’s somehow both other specials, rancher’s select steak
completely bland and too and a lemony baked fish, are among the
salty. highlights.
Somewhere between our third and
fourth plates, our eyes glaze over and
our combinations become increasingly
incongruous; we discover, for example,
that cherry Jell-O has no place on a plate
with grilled beef. We eat dessert
slowly, in silence. By this point, it is clear
that we have hit a ceiling in our quest to
stretch our dollars to the maximum. As
with the credit crunch, our unchecked
desire to acquire more has gotten us into
a crisis.
As we leave the restaurant, it occurs
to me that this is the dark side of the
American dream. In the promised land,
we are free to choose and to do what we
want—but with that freedom comes great
responsibility. Choose wisely.
Find more outrageous
HOMETOWN BUFFET
FOOD COMBOS
@metromix.com