5 Things You Should Never Say While Negotiating

If you're new to negotiating or find it difficult, here are some missteps to avoid.
By Mike Hofman | Jan 31, 2011

Every entrepreneur spends some time haggling, whether it is with customers,

suppliers, investors, or would-be employees. Most business owners are street smart,
and seem to naturally perform well in negotiations. You probably have a trick or two—
some magic phrases to say, perhaps—that can help you gain the upperhand. But, often,
the moment you get into trouble in a negotiation is when something careless just slips
out. If you are new to negotiation, or feel it is an area where you can improve, check out
these tips on precisely what not to say.

1. The word "between." It often feels reasonable—and therefore like progress—to

throw out a range. With a customer, that may mean saying "I can do this for between
$10,000 and $15,000." With a potential hire, you could be tempted to say, "You can
start between April 1 and April 15." But that word between tends to be tantamount to a
concession, and any shrewd negotiator with whom you deal will swiftly zero-in on the
cheaper price or the later deadline. In other words, you will find that by saying the word
between you will automatically have conceded ground without extracting anything in
return.

Dig Deeper: The Art of Effective Negotiation

2. "I think we're close." We've all experienced deal fatigue: The moment when you
want so badly to complete a deal that you signal to the other side that you are ready to
settle on the details and move forward. The problem with arriving at this crossroads,
and announcing you're there, is that you have just indicated that you value simply
reaching an agreement over getting what you actually want. And a skilled negotiator on
the other side may well use this moment as an opportunity to stall, and thus to negotiate
further concessions. Unless you actually face extreme time pressure, you shouldn't be
the party to point out that the clock is loudly ticking in the background. Create a situation
in which your counterpart is as eager to finalize the negotiation (or, better yet: more
eager!) than you are.

Dig Deeper: Creating Win/Win Negotiations

3. "Why don't you throw out a number?" There are differing schools of thought on
this, and many people believe you should never be the first person in a negotiation to
quote a price. Let the other side start the bidding, the thinking goes, and they will be
forced to show their hands, which will provide you with an advantage. But some
research has indicated that the result of a negotiation is often closer to what the first
mover proposed than to the number the other party had in mind; the first number uttered
in a negotiation (so long as it is not ridiculous) has the effect of "anchoring the
conversation." And one's role in the negotiation can matter, too. In the book Negotiation,
Adam D. Galinsky of Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management and Roderick I.
Swaab of INSEAD in France write: "In our studies, we found that the final outcome of a
negotiation is affected by whether the buyer or the seller makes the first offer.
Specifically, when a seller makes the first offer, the final settlement price tends to be
higher than when the buyer makes the first offer."
Dig Deeper: Bargaining for Advantage
4. "I'm the final decision maker." At the beginning of many negotiations, someone will
typically ask, "Who are the key stakeholders on your side, and is everyone needed to
make the decision in the room?" For most entrepreneurs, the answer, of course, is yes.
Who besides you is ever needed to make a decision? Isn't one of the joys of being an
entrepreneur that you get to call the shots? Yet in negotiations, particularly with larger
organizations, this can be a trap. You almost always want to establish at the beginning
of a negotiation that there is some higher authority with whom you must speak prior to
saying yes. In a business owner's case, that mysterious overlord could be a key
investor, a partner, or the members of your advisory board. The point is, while you will
almost certainly be making the decision yourself, you do not want the opposing
negotiators to know that you are the final decision maker, just in case you get cornered
as the conversation develops. Particularly in a high-stakes deal, you will almost certainly
benefit from taking an extra 24 hours to think through the terms. For once, be (falsely)
humble: pretend like you aren't the person who makes all of the decisions.

Dig Deeper: 7 Tips for Masterful Negotiating

5. "Fuck you." The savviest negotiators take nothing personally; they are impervious to
criticism and impossible to fluster. And because they seem unmoved by the whole
situation and unimpressed with the stakes involved, they have a way of unnerving less-
experienced counterparts. This can be an effective weapon when used against
entrepreneurs, because entrepreneurs tend to take every aspect of their businesses
very personally. Entrepreneurs often style themselves as frank, no-nonsense
individuals, and they can at times have thin skin. But whenever you negotiate,
remember that it pays to stay calm, to never show that a absurdly low counter-offer or
an annoying stalling tactic has upset you. Use your equanimity to unnerve the person
who is negotiating with you. And if he or she becomes angry or peeved, don't take the
bait to strike back. Just take heart: You've grabbed the emotional advantage in the
situation. Now go close that deal.
Practice the Art of Effective Negotiation
By Kimberly Stansell | Oct 1, 2000

Negotiation is a fact of life. The key to success is remembering that everything is

negotiable -- and to get a deal you must ask for one. Many businesspeople feel
uncomfortable negotiating, thus shortchanging themselves because they refuse to
engage in the process. They view negotiating as a contest of wills in which power
determines outcome, each party seeks to one-up the other, and the little guy doesn't
stand a chance. This type of bargaining may produce some short-term results -- but it's
a win-lose process. It doesn't have to be that way. Effective negotiation can produce an
agreement that meets the needs of both sides while preserving the relationship. Try
these principles to improve the outcome of your next deal.

Focus on people. Separate the people from the issues to avoid personalizing them.
Make sure each party understands the other's perception of what is involved. Listen
actively and speak to be understood -- not to argue a position.

Focus on interests. Behind each position lie compatible interests as well as conflicting
ones. Put yourself in the other person's shoes; it'll help you identify interests. Ask
yourself: "Why does she take such a position?" "Does any aspect of my proposal
conflict with those interests?"

Focus on options. Work with the other party to generate a variety of options.
Brainstorm before you start the decision-making process. Look for areas of agreement;
you'll find them through your shared interests. Look for ways to dovetail differing
interests; explore options that are of low cost to you and high benefit to the other party,
and vice versa.

Other pointers:
• Do your homework. Use the Internet and other sources to learn about the issue
at hand.
• Ask questions. The answers and information can lead to an agreement.
• Don't be intimidated by "industry-speak." Always ask for clarification.
• Cultivate the use of calculated silence; it may impel the other party to offer a
concession.
• Thank the other party at the conclusion of a negotiation, leaving the door open
for future opportunities.

Copyright © 2000 Kimberly Stanséll. All Rights Reserved. Do not duplicate or

redistribute in any form.
Creating Win/Win Negotiations
Here are four ways to create negotiations where everybody comes out ahead.
By Andrea Nierenberg | Jan 1, 1999

Have you always gotten what you've wanted in a negotiation? I have yet to meet a
person who got everything he or she "wanted." However, there are ways to always get
what we "need." Do this by creating a comfortable environment. Here are four ways to
create win/win negotiations:

1. Power comes from preparation and planning, instead of trying to overcome

other people
Do all necessary research, think of possible outcomes, rehearse what you will say and
set goals. Have an agenda and stick to it as closely as possible.

2. Always remember the needs of the other side throughout the process
When you reach an agreement on something, take the time to summarize it. This allows
both parties to recognize that progress is being made.

3. Possess the right attitude

Be strong, yet not predictable. Keep others interested by staying ahead of them. This
way, they have something to look forward to as the negotiation proceeds. Nonetheless,
stay friendly and open. And when it fits, use humor to lighten up the process. Silence
can be a sign of strength. If the other party makes an impossible demand, be quiet and
reflect on it. Soon enough, the other person will realize that he or she has "crossed the
line" and will probably withdraw.

4. The next time you walk into a negotiation:

• Realize that it's a state of uncertainty, so take it one step at a time.
• Stick to your plan, yet be flexible, and look for unexpected opportunities.
• Do your homework and be prepared to respond to any question.
• Keep up your self-esteem and confidence, even when things get difficult. If it's
not working out, maybe it's not the right time.

Negotiating can be fun, empowering and enjoyable for both parties. It works only when
all those involved feel as if they have won.

Copyright© 1999, SalesDoctors Magazine and the Author. All Rights Reserved.
Bargaining for Advantage
Oct 13, 1999

“Every minute you're not negotiating skillfully is an opportunity cost,"says Richard Shell,
chair of the legal studies department at Wharton and author of a book that takes its
name from Wharton's Executive Negotiation Workshop, Bargaining for Advantage. "We
are all tempted to compromise in negotiations and this may be the right move, but
compromise may not be the optimal result when many issues and needs are on the
table."

"Cooperative people seem to think they have to make concessions to get

goodwill,"Shell adds. "But those are two separate issues. There is integrative bargaining
where your goal is to get the best result for both sides. But there is also distributive
bargaining where the issue is how to divide the pie best. The manipulative negotiator
moves one millimeter and expects an inch in return. So sometimes, when you are faced
with a competitive counterpart, the best defense is a good offense."

"Test, probe, set the standards, determine if there's going to be reciprocity," Shell
advises. "Check yourself when someone triggers a feeling of obligation in you to be sure
you're moving in incremental steps."

One technique Stuart Diamond endorses is constant practice in all sorts of consumer
and personal interactions. He stresses that negotiators should begin with close attention
to detail. When you call a toll-free number for customer assistance, for example,
Diamond advises that you learn the name of a customer service agent.Write down that
name and, if the agent is willing to help you, don't let him or her transfer your call to an
unknown person.Ask your contact to stay on the line with you and make that person
your ally.

Diamond, a practice professor at Wharton is also president of his own firm,

GlobalStrategy Group. He uses the tools he teaches every day. "Having the proper
training in negotiation is like having the key to a castle's 200-pound door. A tool, like
asking the right questions, can be a very small thing. But with the tool you can unlock a
very big door. Without it, you'll never get in," he says.

An important first step in negotiations is knowing yourself, so participants in the

Bargaining for Advantage program complete an evaluation that identifies their
personalities and negotiating habits.Identifying whether you are likely to compromise,
accommodate or become aggressive in a negotiating session helps you compensate for
possible weaknesses and begin scouting your counterparts. The goal is not to find a
one-size-fits-all negotiating place but to select the optimal strategy for each situation.
Lars Magnusson, a technical manager with Swedish Defence Material in Stockholm,
attended the workshop in May and says he hadn't thought much about how he was
perceived in a negotiation. And he hadn't considered the strategy of researching others
before beginning talks. That changed once he was paired with someone who acted very
differently than himself, he says.

Shell and Diamond purposefully match participants with partners based on their
personal styles-some who are much like themselves and then others who work quite
differently. They are also encouraged to experiment with new behaviors and note the
results. Knowing what puts other people at ease, which topics excite them and how to
read non-verbal cues are all critical pieces of information gathered during negotiations,
Diamond says.

"There's a natural tendency to lean back when someone else leans in toward you. Fight
that impulse and lean in. People will trust you more," he says. "Eye contact and body
language are also important. The more you know, the more you can affect the process,"
he adds.

As someone who negotiates $500 million in real estate transactions in a year, workshop
alumnus Wayne R. Crosby III looks for any advantage. Crosby is chairman of Resort
Property International of Naples, Florida. Having the chance to test out several
strategies -- as the amiable compromiser one day and the hardnosed combatant the
next -- gave Crosby a broader understanding of how to seal a deal during a week of
intensive negotiation training. It also proved profitable.

"On the fourth day of the class," says Crosby, "I applied a lesson I learned to close a
major acquisition for a property in the $75 million range. There were several suitors for
this parcel, but we reconsidered our position and had the seller spell out what his goals
were. Then we worked on meeting his needs. Putting his needs first was the grease that
helps get things done. You both become partners trying toreach a goal." Another key
strategy Crosby picked up was being sure to talk to the right person. Bargaining with
someone who lacks the authority to act can both waste time and benefit an adversary.
"We don't want people to leave until they have either solved or started solving the real
problems that brought them here," Shell emphasizes.

All materials copyright © 1999 of the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
7 Tips for Masterful Negotiating
Whether you're trying to close a major account or get a better rate from a vendor, here
are expert pointers on how to win in negotiations.

By Christine Lagorio | @lagorio | Apr 26, 2010

Think confidence, machismo, and stamina are the keys to winning a negotiation?
Then your bargaining skills need a reboot. Over the past decade, a growing field of
literature on the subject has come to the conclusion that checking your ego at the
boardroom door is a must. Compromise and kindness are the new rules of negotiation.
How does this gentler approach work? We've compiled a short list of pointers to get you
started.

1. Listen Before you Speak.

There will always be time to open your mouth later, but tap your patience to find out
what the other side is thinking first. Then you have extra leverage to tailor your points to
fit both sides' goals, writes Norm Brodsky. When Mike Baicher came to see Brodsky for
advice about negotiating a loan, Brodsky told him a story with a familiar moral: One
man's trash is another man's treasure. Or, in his particular case, one man's misery is
another man's idea of humor. So, when entering a negotiation, don't make any
assumptions about what's in the other party's mind – just enter the situation with an
open mind and plenty of questions. Read more.

2. Embrace Your Fear.

The late Bob Woolf, a prominent sports and entertainment attorney and author of It
Doesn't Hurt to Ask, was quick to say that 95 percent of the folks you'll ever negotiate
with feel just as nervous and, yes, as scared as you do. For that reason, he believes
that kindness is a key competitive advantage when it comes to negotiations. Find his
theory that "nice guys finish first" at the negotiating table hard to believe? Well, his track
record of using a combination of professionalism, ethics, and manners speaks volumes
—he successfully represented Julius Irving, Larry Byrd, Carl Yastrzemski, and Thurman
Munson in contract negotiations. Read more.

3. Avoid Storytelling.
In a negotiation, "the important thing is for you to be completely truthful about your
situation," veteran entrepreneur Norm Brodsky has said. This is especially true when it
comes to negotiating a loan or another financial arrangement. You don't want to win a
particular negotiation at the expense of your credibility. The more forthright you are with
the other party, the more likely you are to arrive at a satisafactory outcome. "When
you're negotiating about money you owe, don't make up stories," Brodsky says. "Just
tell the truth." Read more.

4. Study Up.
Remember, the more knowledge you have of a situation before going to the negotiating
table, the better off you will be. There are many reasons preparing yourself with the best
research will be to your advantage, but one lesser-known perk comes from
psychological studies. It's called the "consistency principle," which refers to a person's
intrinsic need to appear reasonable. That means your counterpart will likely abide by
certain standards, and defer to your authority if you are able to demonstrate that you
absolutely know what you are talking about. With greater knowledge, you will be able to
set the parameters of the discussion in your favor. Read more.
5. Ditch the Dog Metaphors.
Negotiating: It's two pit bulls locked in a room and one is going to be forced to roll over.
Ick. That mentality is not only outdated, but will get you nowhere. That's because,
frankly, baring teeth and barking the loudest doesn't have the power it might seem to
when bargaining. When dealmaking gets tense, no one ever wants to back down. In
Roger Fisher and William Ury's negotiating text, Getting to Yes, the experts suggest that
instead of viewing your counterpart as the adversary, you focus instead on the merits of
the case and search for ways to acheive reciprocity. The idea is to "attack" the
underlying issue, rather than the other negotiator. Read more.

6. When All Seems Lost, Gain Something Else.

If a negotiation is going nowhere, and taking up too much of your time and energy, you
may want to walk away from it. Before you do, entrepreneur Janine Popick recommends
that you stop and think: What else can I or my company get out of this situation? Might
someone else give the negotiations a try? Or perhaps you can use the bad situation as
an opportunity to train someone at your company on how to deal with toxic clients. Read
more.

7. Remember: You're Already a Pro at This.

However much you think you negotiate, you're probably underestimating your
experience. That's what bargaining manual Getting to Yes posits. "Everyone negotiates
something every day," the author write. And in Bargaining for Advantage, author G.
Richard Shell agrees: "All of us negotiate many times a day." Yes, your co-workers,
children, spouse, and even fellow passengers on the train, help you refine your skills
day in and day out.