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YOU CAN KILL YOUR CREDIBILITY AND NEVER EVEN NOTICE IT.

Your public image, how people see you, matters, yes? Of course it does.

If you arenǯt seen as credible, or believable, think of all the doors that are closed to you.

Without a positive, powerful public image, you donǯt have the same opportunities for career advancement and
professional development.

Hereǯs the Dzbig, shocking newsdz about your credibility and how people perceive you, what it means to you, and how
you can turn the situation to your favor.

You can be hurting your public image and *never* be aware of it. Your boss wonǯt have one of those Dzlittle talksdz
with you, people wonǯt get up and move when you sit with them in the break room, your job will not even be at
risk.

But hereǯs what you need to know: If you are above average (and, since youǯre reading an article on professional
development, odds are good you are above average) and you arenǯt quite as far up the professional ladder as youǯd
like to be, you must ask yourself a painful question.

DzWhy are you not further up in your career?dz

Itǯs been said that DzWhat got you here will not get you there.dz Youǯve reach your current level of professional
development based on all of your thoughts, emotions, and actions up to this point.

To go to the next level, you must bust out beyond what youǯre doing now.

And hereǯs where you go a step further into the shocking news about credibility killers.

For above average people, looking to take their careers to the next level, you must realize that there are some
things youǯre doing or not doing, saying or not saying, thinking or not thinking ( okay, you get the pattern) that
*prevent* you from moving up any higher.

So, hereǯs what this means to you: your actions, or lack thereof, are not credibility killers for where you are now,
but they are credibility killers if you want to get to the next level of professional progress.

Think about it.

You can get so far up all by yourself. Good for you, by the way, and props to you for your progress thus far in life.
You made it this far and most of you reading this havenǯt even put much thought into it.

BUT. . .

To go even higher, youǯll need to consistently think and act differently.

Otherwise, you will not gain even greater credibility, and find more doors of opportunity open to you.

Now, take a look at three solutions that will help you have the kind of credibility that catapults you from where you
are now to where youǯd like to be.
First: People stink at follow up. You know youǯre Dzsupposed todz network, yes? Youǯve heard all this stuff about how
the most professionally successful people are master networkers. Know that networking is not simply about
meeting new people.

Networking is about meeting new people, finding out how you may help them or be of service, or connect them
with someone who can help them. AND, itǯs about being clear about what youǯre looking for and letting others
know how they might also assist you.

Know something? Most people stink at staying in touch and following up with people. If you havenǯt been good at
it in the past, no worries. That did now make you stand out as a bad person. Why? Again, *most* people arenǯt any
good at it.

Catch this point: Not following up with people will not kill your credibility to the point where you fall below where
you are now in the above average category.

However, not following up with people WILL be a credibility killer for someone who wishes to be perceived as
extraordinary.

See the difference? Shocking, isnǯt it?

Yes, youǯre right. There are different standards for above average people than there are for extraordinary people.
Thatǯs why there are different terms for them.

Second solution to help you build credibility. Apply for a promotion at work. Too much of a stretch? Okay, at least
ask for a raise. But, you must show that your work in the past warrants greater responsibility and/or more money
in the future.

So many people have mentioned that when they asked for a promotion and a raise, their boss started treating them
with (even) more respect. Try it!

Third solution to build credibility to take your career to the next level: Cultivate mentors and get a professional
coach. Mentors know the inside scoop on your company, and a reputable coach can give you support,
accountability and the targeted actions you can take to turbo-charge your career.

Extraordinary people have a higher bar, and more stringent standards for credibility.

If you want to be perceived as extraordinary, you must do what extraordinary people do.

Extraordinary people follow up, ask for what they want, and rely on mentors and professional coaches to get
results quickly.

DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU DO, YOU CAN ACTUALLY LOOK GOOD AFTER GETTING NEGATIVE FEEDBACK

For professional development, the fastest way to improve on the job is to listen to and act on feedback.
Unfortunately, not everyone delivers negative feedback well, which makes listening with an open mind harder.
However, regardless of how the ideas are delivered, itǯs to the listenerǯs advantage to stay tuned in for potentially
helpful information.
While it feels great when the boss loves absolutely everything youǯre doing, how do you know what adjustments to
make if you donǯt hear new ideas? Those new ideas call for you to change your current way of doing things.
Sometimes itǯs hard not to take criticism personally. The goal is to set aside the urge to defend yourself and to be
receptive to the input that can help you improve quickly. You do like quick results, yes?
This article will show you not only how to feel better and perform better after negative feedback, but it will show
you how your response to criticism can actually make you look good, so you can be respected even more than you
are now.
To look good after negative feedback, and to use the information as an opportunity for rapid professional growth,
there are three steps you need to remember:
Step One: When you get negative feedback ask yourself DzIs this fact or opinion?dz With this initial step, youǯre getting
some emotional distance which helps you not take the criticism too personally.

Step Two: Ask yourself: DzDoes this opinion matter in this context?dz First, of course, if your boss said it, it matters!
Second, notice the words Dzin this context.dz Youǯll want to remind yourself that in paying attention to the feedback of
others, you consider their comments in the right Dzcontext.dz For example, your boss may say youǯre pushy in
meetings. This doesnǯt mean when youǯre with friends you cannot be the same blunt, call-it-like-you-see-it person
youǯve always been. Thatǯs a different context, yes?

Step Three: Say out loud your version of this: DzIǯve never looked at it that way. What suggestions do you have for
me in the future?dz Letǯs say youǯre the boss, and you give someone you manage this feedback, DzChris, the degree to
which you were assertive in that meeting isnǯt working in your favor.dz
Chris says, DzWow, Iǯd hadnǯt looked at it like that before. What tips do you have for me in the future?dz
Wow! How would you perceive Chris? Perhaps youǯre thinking youǯd see Chris as respectful, professional,
interested in improving, open to your input.
Exactly.
And thatǯs exactly how you will be perceived when you follow these three steps for bouncing back and even looking
good after negative feedback.

HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT BECOMES AN EASIER TASK AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WILL NOT TAKE
A TOLL ON YOUR REPUTATION IF YOU FOLLOW THESE THREE STEPS TO VENTING YOUR ANGER.

Itǯs tough to know in times of conflict how to get the anger out of your system. You know that itǯs probably not
going to help your professional relationships if you allow conflict and your angry response to a situation get the
better of you.

Help is on the way. These three steps will help you deal with the anger that can come from conflict. Youǯll also see
how using these three steps will allow you to release the anger, but preserve your public image and your
reputation at work.

Letǯs first look at the impact of your anger on your reputation at work, and why you wonǯt be practicing these three
steps to venting anger with co-workers.

Do know that everyone feels angry sometimes, and itǯs not a sign of a weak character when itǯs your turn to feel
angry! The only catch is, of course, people are always watching and judging you. In fact, everybody judges
everybody, thatǯs just human nature.

Youǯll want to be especially cautious about expressing anger at work because of how memory works.

Did you know that itǯs easier to remember something when emotions are high? Thatǯs why itǯs easier to recall
something especially good or especially bad; emotions run high during these times, and youǯll have an easier time
recalling surrounding events.

Hereǯs what this means to you: If youǯre feeling angry, chances are better than good that your body language, tone,
attitude and conversation will reflect that angry. Everything you say and do can and will be used against you. An
angry attitude will be easier to remember, along with anything else you do when youǯre in a bad mood.

You are likely someone who cares about how others see you and would like to take every advantage to be your
best self forward. Great idea.

This means when youǯre in a foul mood, as much as possible, fly below the radar at work! If you can stay in your
office or cubicle, do so! If you can pass on making idle chit chat, it might be best.
Save your reputation by never again telling people at work that you are Dzangry.dz Thatǯs because of how easy it is to
recall strong emotions and because you of course, are working on building up your reputation, public image, and
professional relationships.

People simply feel uncomfortable around people who are angry.

It also threatens your credibility and your ability to form a steadfast reputation as someone who can be counted
on, *even* when the going gets tough.

Additionally, psychologists tell us anger is a masking emotion. Youǯre not really angry. Youǯre really embarrassed,
or hurt, or afraid, etc. But you donǯt have the Dzemotional literacydz to express it. Emotional literacy is being able to
identify and express your underlying emotions.

Whatǯs an angry person to do to vent all this anger? Follow these three steps:

Step One: Tell someone who cares. Seriously. Tell someone who cares about you personally and knows you well
enough that this instance of anger is not who you usually are. They know you well. And they care about you
enough to let you Dzdumpdz on them. You are there for each other. Itǯs in the friendship contract.

Step Two: Tell them why youǯre telling them. They say one of the classic communication differences between
women and men is that when a woman tells a man her story of woe, he thinks she wants him to fix it. When she
tells a girlfriend, the girlfriend says, DzThat stinks!dz and empathizes.

So, sometimes you want the empathy, and sometimes you could use a fresh perspective on the whole thing. Make
sure your listener knows what youǯre asking of them.

Step Three: Tell yourself what youǯre going to do about it. This is BIG. Say out loud something like this.
DzGina, I need to vent, do you have 10 minutes? Good. Look, I know thereǯs a way out of this, but right now, I donǯt
want to hear it. I just want to get this off my chest. And when Iǯm done venting in 10 minutes, Iǯll come up with the
best solution.dz

Your subconscious mind now has a clear objective, DzFind the best solution in 10 minutes.dz Amazingly, youǯll
frequently find yourself in just a few start minutes turning to defining the problem and coming up with a clear-
headed way to deal with it.

And if you donǯt ? Well, ask your friend if you can vent for 10 more minutes! A true friend will let you, and you will
still know the goal is to come up with the best solution.

Follow steps one through three when you need to vent that anger that often comes up from conflict. Youǯll feel
better, and youǯll preserve your professional image.

MANAGERS AND LEADERS, YOU KNOW HOW CHALLENGING IT CAN BE TO GIVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK.
MANAGERS DONǯT WANT TO GIVE IT, AND EMPLOYEES DONǯT WANT TO HEAR IT.

Although it can be stressful for supervisors and managers to deliver difficult feedback, leaders understand that
with a tactful approach, employees receive valuable guidance that helps them improve their productivity, attitude,
and performance. As a result, everyone wins, the employee, the team, the manager, and the organization.

These three steps will help anyone who is a team lead, supervisor, or manager deliver negative feedback in a way
thatǯs clear, tactful, and productive.

To recall these three steps to give negative feedback in a positive way think DzTriple A.dz The steps are:
Acknowledge, Address and Advise.
Step One: Acknowledge. Leaders, acknowledge that you thoughts about the employeeǯs behavior. This step could
sound like this: DzMike, Iǯm concerned about your being late with your report this week.dz When youǯre
acknowledging your emotions, make sure you donǯt take this too far.

Managers in my leadership development workshops have frequently asked if they can say, DzIǯm disappointed.dz Use
caution with that word, disappointed. It comes across as too strong to your employees who are more sensitive to
criticism.

In other leadership workshops, participants have asked me if they can say they are Dzfrustrated.dz Well, you could,
but that makes this more about your personal response to their behavior rather your concern for them.

Step Two: Address. Managers, heads up on this one, this is such a powerful step. Itǯs also the one people tend to
need the most practice on. In delivering workshops on conflict management, my participants practice this step and
at first, fall in to a common, but deadly trap.

The deadly trap includes giving your opinion when all you need to do is address the facts.

Keep this in the front of your mind: In Step Two, you address FACTS only, no opinions.

Not as easy as it sounds.

Here are some common errors on this step:

DzJean, youǯre doing this because. . . Dz
DzMark, you just think that. . . Dz
DzIf you cared about the department, you wouldnǯt. . . Dz

And these are just three of the most common mistakes Iǯve heard when managers first use the DzTriple Adz process to
deliver negative feedback positively for the first time.

So, be aware of what youǯre saying. Make sure itǯs fact only, and not opinion.

It may help you be more vigilant about this essential step if you remind yourself that doing this step well is the
difference between being influential and being confrontational.

People quickly become confrontational when they insert their opinion about the other personǯs thoughts or
motives.

Remember the last time someone did that to you, and youǯll fully appreciate why you want to steer clear of that.

Remember also that confrontation feels disrespectful to the person on the receiving end. It comes across as though
the person speaking doesnǯt care what the other personǯs perspective is. It makes the speaker look bad, so be
cautious.

Confrontation is an act where the minute you open your mouth, the other guy closes his mind. Not even worth
your time.

The good news is that the more you use these three steps, the easier they become.

Step Three: Advise for Advancing forward.

Now managers and leaders, help them move forward. Instead of keeping the employee focused on the negative
past, and all they did wrong, get them focused on what youǯd like to see them do in the future.

Know that the more clear you are about what behavior youǯd like to see changed, the more likely you are to get it.
The number one reason people donǯt give you what you want is that they donǯt know what it is. The number two
reason they donǯt give you what you want is they donǯt know how to give it to you.

Make it easy for people to be successful with you and on the job by letting them know clearly and respectfully what
they can do to improve.

Managers, use the DzTriple Adz steps of Acknowledge, Address and Advise to deliver negative feedback positively and
to help your employees be their best.

WORKPLACE NEGATIVITY EXISTS EVEN IN THE BEST ORGANIZATIONS.

As DzThe People Skills Lady,dz Iǯm often asked by my clients to include a workshop on cutting down on negativity at
work.

Hereǯs the funny part. Although everyone admits to having negativity at work, no one ever admits to being part of
the problem. Kinda makes you wonder where all that negativity is coming from, doesnǯt it?

Letǯs make sure that you have some concrete tips on cutting down on negativity in the workplace by starting where
you have the most power to control the situation: and thatǯs with you personally.

The best contribution you can make to cutting down on negativity is to make sure you arenǯt part of the problem.

Consider this: Youǯre having a rotten day. The last three customers were evil incarnate. One yelled at you, the
second blamed you for something that wasnǯt even your fault, and the third called you unprofessional and asked to
speak to your boss. This day is not going well. You can imagine wanting to talk about this, canǯt you? Wait just a
minute, though! Before you take this to the next cubicle, think about how your venting is going to make you look
and your conversational partner feel.

Itǯs said that people have Dzan infinite capacity for self-deception.dz Pretty powerful statement. Can you think of all
the places this statement is true? Ok, donǯt think about too long! It can be a bit of a downer! Just for a moment,
though, consider how oneǯs Dzinfinite capacity for self-deceptiondz impacts what a person does when sheǯs in a bad
mood. While itǯs oh so easy to see the character flaws in others, itǯs not so easy to see them in ourselves.

The biggest reason you might not have thought twice about sharing your bad day with others is because it truly
was a bad day! Those customers were genuinely rude and disrespectful, anyone would agree with you!

What you need to know though is that others werenǯt witness to the last four hours of your day when it took every
ounce of energy you had to handle those customers professionally. Your co-workers are not in on the *context* of
the situation. They only see the here and now. They donǯt see the Dzback story.dz So, your acting up and acting out
right now is taken completely out of context. I always say DzYour reputation is based on brief snapshots in time,
taken completely out of context.dz Not a good situation for anyone who feels like venting about this difficult day, for
two main reasons. First, your co-workers didnǯt see the events leading up to your bad mood, all they see is your
bad mood, and my friends, no body looks good when theyǯre in a bad mood. Secondly, the only way they could hope
to understand your bad mood is if you tell them the Dzback storydz behind your bad mood. And as I always tell my
clients, nobody cares about your BS (that stands for Dzback storydz of course!)

Follow this thread for a moment: when youǯre having a bad day, that leads to complaining, and complaining is
perceived as negativity. No other way around it. Complaining is negative.

Now, hereǯs the biggest irony. The more legitimately bad your day has been, and the more justified you feel in
getting it off your chest, the harder it is to listen to. Think about it. Remember the last time a co-worker of yours
was having a bad day and was going on about it? Did you feel drained and think to yourself, DzOh please, let this be
over soon!dz Or did you say, DzGee, I really hope she goes on for another 20 minutes and keeps saying the same thing
again and again.dz

Probably not the latter, right? You know that itǯs draining to be on the receiving end of someone being negative, no
matter what the reason! It takes something from you, emotional energy. You know what itǯs like to spend all of
your energy at work, because youǯve done it before. And by the time you get home, you donǯt have any energy left
for family, friends or yourself.

Remember that when youǯre having a bad day and you chose to tell others about it, you are taking away some of
their energy, hurting your reputation, and adding to workplace negativity. What to do with that bad day
experience? Put it in the vault until youǯre alone or with people who love you enough to give up some of their
energy to support you.

Follow this guidance, and youǯll be sure to cut down on negativity at work and youǯll preserve your well-deserved
professional reputation.

EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE INCLUDES THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, MEMORIES, AND YES, OBSESSIONS THAT WEIGH
YOU DOWN MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY, AND EMOTIONALLY. CLEARLY, YOUR EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE WILL
EVENTUALLY TAKE A PHYSICAL TOLL TOO.

Why can it be so difficult to release your emotional baggage? After all, it hurts to carry it. Youǯd think that the
burden of holding on to these unpleasant memories would be enough to motivate you to give them up already.

And yet, you know better, donǯt you?

So any of these reasons people hold on to emotional baggage sound familiar?

#1 reason you may be toting your emotional baggage: You donǯt even realize that it has a negative effect on you.
Sure, you know the circumstances that caused these bad feelings hurt, but you donǯt fully appreciate how much
holding on to the negativity impacts the quality of your life.

#2 reason for carrying this oppressive load: You havenǯt given yourself permission to grieve, complain, or generally
carry on and whine about it in a way that allows you to vent and be validated while still protecting your public
image.

DzIs there really a legitimate way to vent without hurting your public persona?dz Yes. Think of it as Dzan appropriate
pity party.dz Follow this formula: First, tell someone who cares about your pain. No offense intended, but you do
know that there are few people close enough to you to truly care about the bad stuff youǯre going through, yes?

Second: Tell them why youǯre telling them. Otherwise, there will be times when all you want to do is to get
something off of your chest, and your dear friend keeps giving you advice. Sigh. Let your friend know if youǯre
looking for sympathy, solutions or a sounding board.

Third factor in the Dzappropriate pity partydz is to tell yourself what youǯre going to do about it. Talk to yourself.
Your subconscious mind listens.

Example of these three factors: You say to your best buddy, DzI need to vent, do you have 10 minutes? Iǯm not
looking for advice right now, I just want to get this off my chest. And when Iǯm done venting for 10 minutes, Iǯm
going to come up with the best solution about what to do next.dz

No one is pretending that the entire situation will be cleared up in 10 minutes, but you will have a better idea of the
next step in feeling better about a bad situation and putting down that emotional baggage.
Now, letǯs return to those reasons why itǯs so difficult to let go of emotional baggage. This one is harder to admit,
so take a deep breath, and read with an open mind:

#3 reason why itǯs so hard to let that burden of emotional baggage down: Youǯve been carrying it so long, itǯs now
part of your identity. Think about it. How often do you talk and or think about it? Do you tell people that you donǯt
even know very well that your spouse left you with the kids and that was years ago now? Are you still talking
about that promotion that everyone was sure you were going to get, but it went to someone less qualified?

Happens more often that youǯd realize. You might be carrying this event so close to you that you wear it like it IS
you. How are you going to know if youǯre doing this?

Either you can try self-awareness, which frankly takes a while. Observe how often you think or talk about it.

Or, if youǯre feeling brave, and you want quick, positive change, even if it means feeling embarrassed, you can ask
someone you trust, who is really blunt! You must ask someone who meets these criteria:

This person cares about you.

This person can give tough love and youǯll actually listen.
And this is what you must do. Listen. Then youǯll know if you are, in fact, wearing this bad memory to the point
where itǯs become part of you.

Now, here are three ways to let it down for good.

Way One: Create a compelling vision for your life. Who are you, what do you want, and what does it take to get it?
Whatever it is you want is going to take emotional energy. You know that for a fact.

The reason to start with the creative vision is because once you donǯt have the burden of negative emotions, youǯre
going to leave a vacuum. If you donǯt fill up your time, thoughts, energy with something positive and compelling,
you can count on slipping right back into those old, debilitating thoughts and picking your emotional bagggage
right back up again.

Your compelling vision must be so exciting that you cannot bear NOT to go for it.

Way Two: Ask yourself: DzHow would my life be better if this didnǯt bother me right now?dz This simple query allows
your subconscious mind to do a massive data search and come up with many reasons why your life it just fine right
now.

Also, you can ask: DzHow would my life be better if I were impossible to offend?dz Think about it.

Way Three: Write the opposite. You say you canǯt get over it. It hurt too much, it was too demoralizing,
embarrassing, whatever you tell yourself. Fine. So just write this: When I do get over this, hereǯs what Iǯm going to
do for me. And let go with all of the ways youǯre going to take care of yourself, and make your life better, when
youǯre ready to let go.

Bonus. Way Four. Be willing to learn from it. Itǯs been said that those who do not learn from the past are doomed
to repeat it. Not fun. You have paid dearly going through this experience. You are *worthy* of learning as many
lessons as you can.

After all, if you learn nothing from it, you can consider the experience a failure. If you are willing to learn, you can
consider it an investment in your wisdom.

YOU KNOW HOW HEAVY EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE CAN BE. SOMETIMES IT SEEMS TO BE THE SOLE FOCUS OF
YOUR LIFE. AND, HOW USELESS IS IT FOR PEOPLE TO TELL YOU, DzLET IT GO.dz
Iǯve always thought that was silly advice. If you could easily Dzlet it go,dz youǯd have done so by now!

Here are three quick tips for helping you release the weight of excess emotional baggage.

Tip #1: Recognize that your negative focus comes at a real cost. It costs you time, joy and energy Ȃ physical,
spiritual, emotional energy. And you only have so much a day, my friend.

Tip #2: Figure out what youǯll replace your emotional baggage with. Do not overlook this step. Youǯve heard it
before: DzNature abhors a vacuum.dz If you release negative energy, youǯre going to have a ton of time on your hands.
How will you spend it?

Bonus to Tip #2: You might want to consider all the cool things you can do for yourself and others once you gain
your energy back.

Tip #3: Once you do decide to release this burden, and thatǯs the way I urge you to think of it, as Dzletting the burden
down,dz you may find yourself feeling guilty that you invested so much time and energy in something that you had
absolutely no control over than brought you down.

When my coaching clients have asked in the past, DzHow do I let go, Crystal? Itǯs so hard.dz I understand. It can be
hard. But sometimes, the harder action is not in choosing to put the emotional baggage down, but in forgiving
yourself that it took you so long to do so.

Forgive yourself. Your wonderful life awaits you.

Warmly,
Crystal

DO YOU PLAN AHEAD AND ACT QUICKLY? IF SO, YOU WIN. CHECK THE P.S. AT THE END OF THIS MESSAGE.
TODAYǯS TOPIC: DzELEGANT SIMPLICITYdz

DzThe Power of Purpose: The Art of Living in Excellencedz is the first time I started helping people live a life of elegant
simplicity.

To me, it means creating a life thatǯs both easy and lovely. Letting go of excess, whether thatǯs clutter or emotional
baggage.

Think about what physical items in your living space (home, apartment, whatever it may be) truly have value.
Consider letting go of items that are functional, but you simply donǯt use them anymore.

This is an especially good time of year to contribute your extra items to thrift stores.

Consider this, because of your openness to letting go, someone else will be able to buy something wonderful at a
price they can afford. They feel good because they earned the money to buy the items themselves.

You feel good because you made that possible.

Do you know you actually get a rush of the Dzfeel gooddz hormone when you give? Ahhh, life is good.

It helps to release the clutter when you keep picturing how happy someone else will be when they buy your items.

And, your home will be less cluttered, and easier on your eyes, your heart and your soul.

More on DzElegant Simplicitydz in future notes.