Salam Aleykoum

I had to write this after a discourteous conversation took place here last night between two of the
member which indicates nothing but complete immoral behaviour. (refering to another group but it
is very relevant to this group as well)

One of the most beautiful ethical aspects of our Prophet’s life was that he always spoke when he
had to, and always with a reason. His language was always courteous and respectful. He would
smile while speaking and there was a sweet tone in his speech. His voice would be moderate and
he never uttered cruel or ridiculous words and in the process HURT others feelings, -as some
people do in their daily lives. The same moral merit has been given a great amount of
significance in the Quran in which Allah has rendered an extremely polite way of expression.

Allah SWT says:

{Wa-itha marroo biallaghwi marroo kiraman} [If you find that some futile conversation is going on
somewhere, you just pass by it like a gentleman]

Today, we find strangers chatting on the Internet, making fun and joking, while their Libyan
brothers and sister are being murdered, rapped and kidnapped, is it really appropriate at this
critical time to be laughing? As we Arabs say (Shar il-baleeya youdhk), Isnt it better if we could
spend these few minutes, praying for our oppressed brothers and sisters that need our help in
every possible way?

With all my respect to my Muslim sisters here, I was really traumatized that this impertinence
conversation came from a sister, where normaly you would expect a polite, modest, noble and
dignified way of replying from a muslim sister (well atleast the ones i know-hamdallah); I
intervened trying to calm things downs and advise both parties, the proper ethicall way of
debating and expected atleast a simple thank you, instead was bombarded with a few impoilte
replies.

Seriously, such kinds of immoral and detestable activities are dire to our society and such acts
are terribly dangerous in both, moral and Islamic perspectives which kill modesty, politeness, and
dehumanize the readers and considerably affect their moral character. Aisha (RA) reports, “It was
not the nature of the Prophet of Islam to talk in an indecent manner, nor did he engage himself in
the use of foul language.”

Unfortunately today , especially amongst the new generation we have lost the art of speech that
was fundamental in our islamic tradition. The scholars of the past, used to study etiquette before
they were allowed to study deen, so they can respectfully disagree and have fruitful discussions
devoid of unkindness. I know many islamic scholars that debate extremely controversial topics
but never attacked a fellow scholars work, opinion, or character in a disrespectful manner.
Hopefully, our community will go back to that tradition, and find kindness and compassion when
debating topics that are less weighty.
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These are a few reminders that can serve as an aid for having fruitful conversations:

- Don’t challenge. It is important not to challenge the other party as this can agitate their Kibar
(pride) and make them more prone to disagreeing.
- Honest praise. Praise the good qualities of the other person. This is definitely a heart-softener.
Do make sure that your praise is truthful and in its place.
- Don’t interrupt, listen attentively. This is very important. Nobody likes to be interrupted when
they are speaking. Everybody likes to be listened to. Let them say all that they want to say and
listen attentively, and when they are finished, start speaking. What is worse is to disagree with
them while they are expressing their opinion.
- Don’t say “You are wrong.” When you try to show their error bluntly, they are more likely to hold
on to their position even if they come to realise that they are wrong.
- Leave the food for the bird on the ground; don’t expect it to come to you. When you want to get
your correct position over to the other party, it is a good idea to propose it in the form of a
suggestion and let the other party arrive at their decision by themselves; don’t force them to, for
they won’t comply.
- Admit you are wrong. If you realise that you are wrong about a certain point, don’t hesitate to
acknowledge it. This will make them know that you are seeking the truth, and not trying to impose
your own opinion.
- Ask confirmatory questions. Ask questions for which you expect an affirmative reply from the
other party. These will make them more close to the correct position you are trying to show them.
- Adapt their position. Put yourself in the other person’s position to see what is wrong with it. If
you see nothing wrong, then there is probably nothing to argue about.
- Common grounds. Try to highlight your common grounds so that you can resolve the issues in
which you are disagreeing over. Allaah SWT orders us to give Da3wah to the Christians by
showing them our common grounds and then rectifying where they went wrong (Imraan:64).
- Move their feelings. Emotions play a major role in people’s decisions. Moving somebody’s
feelings in a positive way (not hurting their feelings!) is likely to bring about good results.

let us ornament our moral character with the most beautiful standard of speech, and modesty,
and adopt a decent manner in every thing they say or do, following the way of our Prophet PBUH
"Never do I argue with a man with a desire to hear him say what is wrong, or to expose him and
win victory over him. Whenever I face an opponent in debate I silently pray-O Allah, help him so
that truth may flow from his heart and on his tongue, and so that if truth is on my side, he may
follow me; and if truth be on his side, I may follow him. “ -Imam AshShafi"

Allah SWT mentions in the Quran

{Walyaqooloo qawlan sadeedan} [Always talk plainly, explicitly and firmly]

{Yaqooloo allatee hiya ahsanu} [Say to my servants that they should speak nicely with well
balanced words]

We are trying to bring together all Libyans here and build a new peaceful Libya, therefore every
one should try his utmost to shun such detestable conversations by adopting a civilised manner
of expressing words, so that a psychologically, socially, and religiously healthy community of
Libyans could be raised in this world

Peace