Funny Sports Quotes Vol 2

Funny Sports Quotes
Free eBook
Volume II
www.sportsebooks.com
A Collection of the Funniest

Sporting Quotes from Some of Our
Greatest Sporting Legends
 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

General Information
Title: Funny Sports Quotes – Volume II

Author: David Horne, BSc (Sp. Med), MHExSc.
First Published: 2004
Revised and Updated Digital Edition (eBook): 2011
Composed and published by: SportseBooks.com and with the assistance of
www.ebookauthoracademy.com
Website: www.sportsebooks.com
Website: www.ebookauthoracademy.com
Copyright © 2004 - 2011 www.sportsebooks.com

SportseBooks.com is a Division of “eBooks International”
You may distribute this eBook to friends or include in your ezines, newsletters or pass onto other
sports websites. This Sports Quotes eBook may be printed; or copied onto your computer for
free. The contents, links or resources may not be changed. This eBook may not be sold.
Permission has been granted by SportseBooks.com. For further information please contact
www.eBooksInternational.co

Did I Really Say That?
To be the best you need to learn from the best! And the best way to do that is to listen to
what the most successful athletes, coaches and administrators say in their own words.
However, sometimes these champions just say things that don’t come out the way that
they wanted them to. And sometimes these champions say things that are just down
right hilarious especially when they don’t know why people are laughing at them!
Along with reading those great inspirational quotes, it has always been enjoyable
reading those “not so great” quotes. It is often the funniest quotes that you remember the
most.
Read through these quotes and think about the context that they were said in and then
think about the way that the person who said the quote has to dig themself out of a deep
hole. This collection of quotes comes from a wide range of athletes, coaches and media
from sports all around the world.
Enjoy reading these quotes and you hopefully you won’t end up in this book of funny
quotes one day!
I love reading funny quotes and after reading this collection of quotes I hope that you will
too! There is always a lighter side to even the most hardened and toughest of athletes.
All the best in your sporting careers and we will see you at the top of your mountain!
David Horne
Founder: www.SportseBooks.com
Founder: www.eBooksInternational.co
Founder: www.GlobalTennisCoaching.com

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball
seemed to hang in the air even longer.'
David Acfield
Football Player

Shelby Metcalf, the basketball coach at Texas A&M recalling what he told
one of his players who received four F's and one D on a report card:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending

too much time on one subject."
Shelby Metcalf
Basketball Coach

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees!
Jason Kidd
American Basketball Player

"Michael Chang has all the fire and passion of a
public service announcement, so much so that he
makes Pete Sampras appear fascinating."
Alex Ramsey

'If history repeats itself, I should think
we can expect the same thing again.'
Terry Venables
Former England Football Team Manager

'I've never had major knee surgery on
any other part of my body.'
Winston Bennett
Basketball Player

'What will you do when you leave football Jack?
Will you stay in football?'
Stuart Hall
Radio

“Ian Mackie is here to prove his
back injury is behind him.”
Spar Athletics Commentator

'Batistuta is very good at
pulling off defenders.'
Kevin Keegan
Football Player

"Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and
occasionally on the left side" - when asked if he thought
that he was a volatile player.
David Beckham
English Football Player

Reporter: Shaquille, did you visit the Parthenon during your
visit to Greece?
"I can't really remember the names of all the

clubs that we went to."
Shaquille O'Neal
Basketball Player

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Joe Theismann
NFL Football Player and T.V. Commentator

'Her legs are kept tightly together,
She’s giving nothing away.'
Anon.
Gymnastics T.V. Commentator

'Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan,
who turned 20 a few weeks ago.'
David Coleman
Olympic Games Commentator

'There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening
his legs and showing his class.'
David Coleman
Olympic Games Commentator

"We didn't underestimate them.
They were a lot better than we thought."
Bobby Robson
Football Manager

“…… and Ray Illingworth is relieving
himself in front of the pavilion.”
John Arlott
Cricket Commentator

“Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up
behind and give him one really hard.”
Ron Atkinson
Football Pundit

'I wouldn't be surprised if this game went
all the way to the finish.'
Ian St John
TV Presenter

This was Chicago Cub’s outfielder Andre Dawson’s response when being asked
about being a role model:
"I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me.

I want all the kids to copulate me."

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
Bill Peterson
Florida State Football Coach

'Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman.'
Brian Moore

'The swimmers are swimming
out of their socks.'
Sharon Davies
BBC Commentator

"If one synchronised swimmer drowns,
do all the rest have to drown too?"
Steven Wright
Comedian

"You watch the pit lane
while I stop the start watch..."
Murray Walker
Motor Sport Commentator

Tennis eBooks
Fitness eBooks
Free eBooks
Soccer eBooks
Golf eBooks
Cricket eBooks
Bodybuilding eBooks
Weight Loss eBooks
Sports Training eBooks
Speed Training ebooks
Running eBooks
Fishing eBooks
Martial Arts eBooks
Much, much more!!

"Frazier is so ugly he should donate his
face to the US Bureau of Wild Life."
Muhammad Ali
Boxing Great

"If you even dream of beating me you'd
better wake up and apologize."
Muhammad Ali
Boxing Great

“It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball.
I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
Hank Aaron
Baseball Player

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria... I saw her
snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Pat Glenn
Sports Commentator (weightlifting)

He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't
get it up that time.
Ritchie Benaud
Australian Cricket Commentator

"A verbal contract isn't worth the
paper it's written on"
Samuel Goldwyn
Media

“Honey, I Forgot to Duck.”
JackDemsey talking to his wife after he

just lost the 1926 World Heavyweight Title

Zero - zero is a big score!
Ron Atkinson
Football Pundit

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when
Darryl Gibson comes inside of him"
Murray Mexted
NZ Rugby commentator

Ardiles strokes the ball like it is
part of his own anatomy!
Jimmy Magee
RTE

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.
JOHN LAMBIE responds when told a concussed striker did not

know who he was after getting hit.
Partick Thistle manager

Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins.
Brian Moore

This is an unusual Scotland side
because they have good players
Javier Clemente
Coach of Spanish Football Team

"You guys pair up in groups of three,
then line up in a circle."
Bill Peterson
Football Coach at Florida State

"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general
manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
Pat Williams
Orlando Magic Basketball General Manager, 1992
Commenting on his team's 7-27 record:

“I'm disappointed, but I'm not going to run around
like Dennis Rodman and head-butt somebody.”
Greg Norman
Answering a reporter’s question after giving up a six shot
lead at the Masters Golf Tournament

“We actually got the winner three minutes
from the end but then they equalized.”
Ian McNail
Footballer

“We'll still be happy if we lose.
It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival”
Noel O' Mahoney
Cork City Boss Commenting Before the Game

“I would not say he is the best left winger in the
Premiership, but there are none better.”
Ron Atkinson
Football Pundit Talking about David Ginola

“Her time is about 4.33,
which she's capable of.”
David Coleman

'Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride,
everybody saw that'
Desmond Lynam
BBC horse racing commentator

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room,
get out of the kitchen"
Tony Shaw
Australian Football Player

When Bob Costas asked Oiler’s football coach Bum Phillips why he
always takes his wife on the road trips, Phillips replied:
"Because she is too damn

Ugly to kiss goodbye!"

“The Germans only have one player under 22,
And he's 23!”
Kevin Keegan
English Football Player

"They didn't change positions, they
just moved the players around!"
John Sammy Newman

Channel 9 Football Commentator

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The
tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your
brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
Ray Forsythe - Clemson football player

Commenting about why he was ineligible as a freshman because of academic
requirements

"Show me a man who is a good loser
and I'll show you a man who is
playing golf with his boss."
Jim Murray

"I went to a fight the other night and a
hockey game broke out."
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedian/Actor

Whenever I feel like exercising I
lie down until the feeling passes!
Robert M. Hutchins

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it
ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste
energy going back to pick it up.
Tommy Bolt

When a question was asked of boxing promoter Dan Duva
about Don King managing Mike Tyson again he replied:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?

He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Boxing is a lot of white men watching two
black men beat each other up.
Muhammad Ali
Boxing Great

"If women were meant to play
football, God would have put their tits
somewhere else."
Gordon Sinclair

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try
picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon

Don't park in the spaces marked,
"Reserved for Umpires."
John McSherry

When asked why he keeps a color photo of himself just
above his locker:
Chicago Blackhawks Hockey Star Stu Grimson said:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name,
I can still find my &%@*%#& clothes."

When someone asked Texas Football Coach, Darrell Royal, if the abnormal
number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical
conditioning:
Royal replied: "One player was lost because he broke
his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in

condition for football?"

In 1991, Steve Spurrier, told Florida Gator fans that a fire at
Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books:
He then said: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been
coloured yet."
Steve Spurrier
Florida University Football Coach

Most football players are temperamental. That's
ninety percent temper and ten percent mental.
Doug Plank

Playing football in the morning is like eating
cabbage for breakfast.
Press

Hawaii doesn't win many games in the
United States.
Lee Corso
College Football Commentator

Let's face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that
has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the
football field and beat your head against other human
beings on a daily basis.
Tim Green

When asked about what it would take for him to leave
Essendon Football Club from his current position as an
assistant coach; Mark Harvey replied:
“I won’t leave unless I’m offered a Head Job from

someone else!”
Mark Harvey
Assistant Football Coach - EFC

Cricket commentator Mark Nicholas was interviewing Australian spin bowler
Shane Warne about his bowling technique.
Nicholas asked Warne how he puts a certain spin on the ball.
Warne relied by saying that you have to cock your wrist a little more.
Nicholas then responded by saying “so you need a bit more cock in your hand to
get the ball to do that!”
Both paused for a second and then continued as they knew that it was a PG
rated show.

Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's. Movement
and positioning"
Ron Atkinson
Football Pundit

"You're about as useful as a one-legged
man at an arse kicking contest."
Rowan Atkinson

"It's raining and the track is wet!"
James Allen

"And he's lost both right front tires."
James Allen

"Baseball is 90% mental –
The other half is physical."
Yogi Berra?
Baseball Great

"In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete."
Yakov Smirnoff

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The
rest I wasted!
George Best
Champion English Football Player

Your Online Sports eBook Store for ……
Tennis eBooks
Football eBooks
Cricket eBooks
Fitness eBooks
Golf eBooks
Free Sports eBooks
Fishing eBooks
Weight Loss eBooks
Hunting eBooks
Cycling eBooks
Soccer eBooks
Martial Arts eBooks
Bodybuilding eBooks
Sports Psychology eBooks
Much, Much More!!

Mental Training for the Sports Mind – Your Winning Mindset
The key to being a successful athlete is attaining a “Winning Mindset” and achieving your
"Ultimate Performance State" every time you are in competition! “Mental Training for the Sports
Mind” shows you what you need to do in order to find this state of mind that gives you the
advantage over other athletes! You are about to take the first step in being the best athlete you
can be and reaching your full potential!
 Are you constantly losing to opponents who you know you should be beating?
 Do you suffer from performance destroying anxiety when in competition?
 Are you ready to learn and master the one key ingredient to success that you have been lacking?
 Do you fall to pieces when you are in competition?
 Can you jump higher, lift more weight, are faster and more agile than you opponents but still lose?
 Are You Ready To Achieve Your Full Potential as an Athlete and Get the Results that You Have Been
Training For?
This eBook addresses one of the most neglected aspects by athletes of all levels and that is to
understand the power of the mind and why you will be able to achieve your "Ultimate
Performance State" on a more consistent basis. You can spend countless hours on the practice
court, practice greens or on the playing field but until you possess a “Wining Mindset” you will
always suffer from the very frustrating ups and downs in performance levels.
The Ultimate Performance State is different for every athlete. Unlike other sports psychology
books that treat every athlete as the same and provides a generic plan for "success", The “Mental
Training for the Sports Mind” series teaches you what you need to do in order to be in your
"Zone" and trigger the key responses and playing state that works for you. After reading this book
you will be able to put pen to paper and devise your own plan that specifically meets your needs
in taking you to the "Ultimate Performance State."
Visit: www.SportseBooks.com and click on the “Sports Psychology” Category

Mental Training for the Sports Mind – Your Winning Mindset
This series is built on establishing a winning mindset. Each eBook has been written with these
key principles in mind while taking the sport specific components into account.
Choose the “Mental Training” eBook that has been written specifically for your sport.
Sports Covered:
 Tennis
 Football / Soccer
 Australian Football
 American Football / Gridiron
 Golf
 Basketball
 Netball
 Baseball
 Softball
 Cricket
 Ice Hockey
 Field Hockey
 Table Tennis
 Triathletes
 Running
 Cycling
 Volleyball
 Swimming
Visit www.sportsebooks.com for all of these plus many more eBooks related to sports
psychology.

Would You Like to Become a Successfully Published eBook Author??
This is Your Invitation to Join Our Academy

That Has Been Exclusively Designed for eBook Authors!
Write and publish your eBook with the help of over 1000 pages of advice, tips and tools from the
world’s only eBook Author Academy!
eBookAuthorAcademy.com is the ultimate self-publishing and author support program for eBook
authors! Our Academy has been created, designed and built by a team of experienced authors,
marketing specialists, technology professionals and self-publishing experts.
Now you can have access to our extensive library of articles, tips, advice, interviews, case
studies, worksheets, templates and tools as well as our exclusive online marketing strategies that
will help to take you from unknown writer to a successfully published author!
This Academy is Exclusively For eBook Authors Who Want to

Take the Next Step Towards a Rewarding Future in
Writing and Self-Publishing!
At eBookAuthorAcademy.com our goal is to help writers and self-publishers realise their dream of
successfully writing and publishing their very own eBook.
eBookAuthorAcademy.com has been designed exclusively for eBook authors who want to take
the next step towards a rewarding future in writing and self publishing. This is the ultimate self
publishing and support program for eBook authors!
Our Academy has been created, designed and built by a team of experienced authors, marketing
specialists, technology professionals and self publishing experts.

Who Should Consider Joining eBook Author Academy?
Independent authors
Published authors
Unpublished authors
Both fiction and non-fiction authors
Online marketers
Self-publishing communities
Publishing companies
……. and all passionate writers.
eBook Author Academy

"Where Writers Learn to Become Published eBook Authors"
www.eBookAuthorAcademy.com

Funny Sports Quotes Vol 2

Hochgeladen von

Dokumentinformationen

Copyright

Verfügbare Formate

Dieses Dokument teilen

Dokument teilen oder einbetten

Freigabeoptionen

Stufen Sie dieses Dokument als nützlich ein?

Sind diese Inhalte unangemessen?

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Funny Sports Quotes Vol 2

Hochgeladen von

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Funny Sports Quotes

A Collection of the Funniest

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

Title: Funny Sports Quotes – Volume II

Copyright © 2004 - 2011 www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

"Son, looks to me like you're spending

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

"I can't really remember the names of all the

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

"I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me.

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

Weight Loss eBooks

Sports Training eBooks

Speed Training ebooks

Martial Arts eBooks

Much, much more!!

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

JackDemsey talking to his wife after he

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

JOHN LAMBIE responds when told a concussed striker did not

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com

 Sports eBooks  www.sportsebooks.com