ISSUE #5
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2010
Clarity in Words
David Brewster - Freelance Writing
www.clarityinwords.com.au
WHAT WE’VE
BEEN UP TO
CASE STUDY – WORDS
Occasionally I have the pleasure
of doing a number of different
jobs for a client over a lengthy
period. This is very enjoyable for
me because I get to know the
client better and feel like a part
of their team. It is also useful for
the client because, over time, all
their materials read with a more
consistent ‘feel’.
PFG Money, a fast growing
financial services company based
in Melbourne’s west, is one such
client. Over the past year I have
created words for two websites,
various brochures aimed at
potential clients, agents and
partners, and a corporate pro-
posal, amongst other things.
PFG Money are a good example
of a business needing different
communication styles for
different audiences.
For instance, PFG Money’s main
product is international money
transfer, with many customers
coming from immigrant popula-
tions. The language for materials
aimed at this audience is pitched
quite differently from, say, a
partnership proposal for a cor-
porate head office.
www.pfgmoney.com
www.pfgatm.com.au
info@pfgmoney.com
1300 557 817
Copywriting, Ghostwriting, Web writing, Articles, Re-writing, Editing
david@clarityinwords.com.au; +61 [0]417 605 826
www.clarityinwords.com.au
ARE YOUR CUSTOMERS FAILING TO GET THE PICTURE?
Fine tuning can make a big difference
On a recent trip to Vietnam I
found myself sitting in a hotel
lobby for a few minutes. With
nothing else to do, I eaves-
dropped on the conversations
taking place between staff and
guests at reception. (Beware the
bored writer.)
As I listened, small misun-
derstandings seemed to creep
into nearly every conversation I
heard across the reception desk.
Check out times, payment terms,
tour arrangements, laundry que-
ries … you name it. The most
straightforward query would
bounce out of control like a
fumbled catch in the outfield.
What was interesting, I
realised after a while, was that the
confusion was rarely caused by
the (quite understandable)
limitations of the local staff’s
English. Rather, fault tended to
lie with the native English
speaker’s failure to adjust their
language to the circumstances.
The flaws were many.
Amongst them were excessively
verbose sentences, speaking too
quickly, the use of colloquialisms
and the use of difficult words. To
use a tennis analogy: the English
speakers were playing like sea-
soned players, hitting the ball to
every corner of the court. Then
they wondered why their less
practiced opponents seemed so
inept at returning their shots.
I was reminded of just how
much we take for granted the
ability to communicate easily in
our own tongue. And how impor-
tant it is to modify our language
to suit our audience. This is all
the more important in business.
When we are at work, most of
us speak a customised version of
our language. Some – computer
people and economists, for
instance – use a different dialect
altogether. Whatever our game,
we bandy around industry terms,
abbreviations and acronyms,
partly for efficiency and partly
because they give the impression
that we know what we’re talking
about.
This is fine in the privacy of
our own cubicle, but it is danger-
ous elsewhere – especially when
we need to be understood by
newer colleagues, customers and
potential customers.
The bottom line: if you want
to be understood, whether you
are communicating across a re-
ception desk or via your website,
make the effort to adapt your
vernacular to suit the situation.
Overused
“Outcome...”
This word needs ten years in
the dungeon. Politicians and
CEOs would be lost for words, but
that may be a good thing.
Try ‘result’, ‘finish’, ‘conclu-
sion’ or ‘ending’. Instead of effect-
ing a better outcome, just make
things better. And if, God forbid,
a misstep on your behalf causes a
negative outcome, be brave and
admit that you stuffed up.