Hello folks,

yesterday I got an email from two people I very much respect and admire, and bet
ween the two of them they have given me a sleepless night.
this is the main body of the first one from Jon Moloney, one of my Yudansha, who
in my eyes exemplifies what a real and genuine Budoka is ansd should be in this
present sting and disastrous time.
Jon came to me from Richard Tighes Dojo in Raheny, I met him there when Richard
asked me to give a class in his Dojo which was teaching [he said ] Motobu Ryuha
a Traditional form of Ju-Jitsu.
Richard was at that time like every toss pot 'Master' I have ever met in his tea
ching methods.
He only lowered himself to go out on the floor and kick seven bells out of his s
tudents to prove he was 'the man' and had a habit of wiping his Katana on the sl
eeve of his pristine hakama, when completing Kata.
Which to me was a disgrace but that was probably a difference in Sensei attitude
s.
Jon was one of the Dojo punchbags and turning into a 'hard man' martial artist i
n the mould of MMA in this sad country of ours, all attitude and brutal intent p
lenty of thump and thud and little substance.
I had dreadful problems with Jon until 8 years ago, just after he went for and p
assed his Ni-Dan assessment in Sebutsu Yanagi AikiJu-Jutsu with me, there were f
our outside Sensei on his Panel and both he and Jimmy Breen excelled themselves
on the day.
At that time Jon had achieved his Sho-Dan in Kyushoshin Ju-Jutsu and was trainin
g and studying five evenings a week, as was Jimmy and they were pushing me hard
and I loved them for it.
Their commitment and their dedication to the ideals of Budo were what lay in my
own heart, and I never envisioned a time when I would not be capable of stepping
on to the mat and doing what I loved and sharing my knowledge with them both.
Then Jimmy began having difficulties with his bully boy officers in the Irish Ar
my, and the stress was telling and he began missing classes, and as there has al
ways been only two students in my Dojo capable of training in Sebutsu Yanagi, Jo
n's training began to suffer too, and then Gabriel Mares arrived and he was a ph
oto copy of Jon and Jimmy, a veritable sponge for Budo, and again I never saw a
time I would not be on the floor with my students, sharing what I love.
four years ago I was coming home after training on Sunday morning, the 1st of Ju
ly and I was parked in traffic at Janelle in Finglas, and a young speed merchant
in his noise box ran up the ass of my car, breaking my neck and destroying my l
ife and the life of Anton Beasley who was in the car with me, Anton had the same
injuries I suffered.
Since then my training has been very limited, and Jimmy left the Army sick to de
ath of the behaviour of the officers and NCO's who are supposed to be his brothe
rs in arms, yeah, right!
Gabriel Mares became Jon's regular training partner and they really made a great
team, working slowly towards Mastery of the Art they both loved, and we were al
l happy enough even though the ass was falling out of my world.
It only took three and a half years to get the surgery I needed for my neck, and
during the operation there was a bit of a crisis, and I almost died on the tabl
e, my Surgeon was Mr. Ashley Poynton and a more dedicated and capable man I coul
d not have wished for, he treated me with the respect and dignity that has been
thrown in the dustbin of history by the Irish Medical profession, who today by a
nd large are little more than medical prostitutes, exemplified by the opposition
'consultant' whose nures grabbed my chin and tried to twist my neck for an xray
, and himself who was very derogatory about my injuries and put it all down to '
normal wear and tear' and generally made me feel like I was some sort of shyster
trying to rip off the poor old Insurance Company.
Needless to say my training since the operation has been nothing short of a disg
race, my presence in the Dojo almost nil, and my love of my Art dying, strangled
by want and need and inability to do what I love.
And Jon and Gaby became victims of my problems, Jimmy left as always without say
ing goodbye, as if somehowhis leaving was something to be ashamed of.
It is not and never was anything to be ashamed of it was a fact of life, somethi
ng he had to do and a part of his Life Path, laid out for him and not within his
control.
Gabriel went home for Christmas to his family in Romania, and when he came back
he announced he was leaving later in the year to go home, but he wanted to open
a Dojo in Roamania to share what he had learned from Martin and I.
My heart broke, and if that was what I felt I can only imagine what Jon Molony f
elt, because now he had no Uke capable of training on his level.
And yesterday he sent me the email, and my heart breaks and I would cut off my r
ight arm to right the wrong that he has suffered because of me.
I sit here writing this and I feel the heart dying in me because I cannot train,
and I am thinking of Jon whose heart is dying because he is capable of training
and he wants to train but what he loves to train in is tied up in the body of a
fat old man who cant train any more, and my grandfather's words ring down the y
ears to me again, "if God cared about us He would do something to make us better
, but He doesnt care He's given up, He sits back and grinds his teeth and watche
s us suffer and die, but He doesnt care any more, and look at us, for Jaysus' sa
ke who can blame Him?"
To all the students and friends I am letting down I offer my heartfelt apologies
, my brain tells me what to do but my body the rotten bastard is letting me down
and there is nothing I can do.
Please forgive me.