7 Secrets to Creating

Your Life Long

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“Divorce? Never. Murder? Often!”

Entering matrimony with the mindset that “divorce is not an option” is

vital for the long-term success of marriage, say the Marriage Masters (a term we
gave couples who have been happily married over 40 years). They went on to explain
that this kind of mindset allows you to see solutions to marriage’s boiling points--
and trust us, not one of our interviewee couples avoided such periods of relational
strife--which would have otherwise been overlooked simply because one eye was too
busy examining exit strategies.

Marriage Masters simplify this into one word: Commitment. And they’re quick to
point out that commitment is the virtue sorely missing from today’s marriages.

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That said, there are deal breakers that very few of our interviewed couples
advocated working through. These are known as the three A’s—Addiction,
Adultery, and Abuse. A marriage overwhelmed by any of these three issues is
unhealthy, plain and simple, and the Marriage Masters suggest that if you find
yourself overwhelmed with any of the three A’s then do take care of yourself
(and your safety) first, and then see about the marriage second.

In the end, the old saying holds true, where your attention goes, energy flows.
So the next time you’re facing a mountain in your marriage, focus on the next
handhold and soon enough you’ll find yourself over the top.
_|yx _ÉÇz _Éäx fàÉÜç fxvÜxà 6E
“There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage,
only perfect moments.”

We were shocked to discover how much work went into creating a great
marriage. We’d always figured, “Hey, I just find my soulmate and things will fall
naturally into place after that…happily ever after.” Um, not so fast, one Marriage
Master wife said with a certain look that meant business. “Who ever said being soul
mates was going to be easy?” Her husband of 52 years nodded, then added,
“Marriage is a bed of roses, thorns and all.”

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Any time two individuals live together (especially over 40
years) there are bound to be annoying, irritating, and
frustrating experiences. But whether it’s the toothpaste
cap, toilet seat, snoring, or the last-minute pull-the-car-over-
to-check-the-score-of-the-game-at-the-local-bar move, one
thing is for sure: the best marriages are served with an
extra helping of acceptance for one another’s
peccadilloes. “And that’s the beauty of marriage,” said
another Marriage Master named Maurice. “All of our
individualities, all of our wonderful differences. You gotta
have friction. You can’t get any heat without friction.”

We would do well, they say, to expect non-perfection; practice patience and give
the acceptance we would want in return. There’s no doubt this is hard work, but judg-
ing by the end result, it’s well worth the effort.
_|yx _ÉÇz _Éäx fàÉÜç fxvÜxà 6F
“Unpack The Gunnysack.”
“People ask us our secret to marriage,” said John, married 48 years. “I tell them
it’s the boxing gloves. We aren’t afraid to say what’s on our mind.”

Unexpressed frustrations in a marriage can pile up and weigh us down

like an overloaded gunnysack. These accumulated frustrations can quickly turn
into resentments. “Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other
person to die,” said Sally, married 50 years. “Resentment will eat away at your
marriage.”

The Marriage Masters encourage us to unpack the “gunnysacks” by opening

the communication lines as frequently as possible.

But guess what?

If we haven’t created and nurtured an environment where open, honest

communication is welcomed and treated with diligent respect, then we can wave
these crucial “clearing the air” moments goodbye.

So where did Marriage Masters go to build that trusting, open environment?

Weekend marriage retreats! These powerful getaways stood out in many of our
interviewees’ minds as the one experience that turned their faltering marriage into
a flourishing one. The trick, of course, is convincing the husband to attend.
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“Never Stop Dating!”

It has been said that it’s the quality of time, not the quantity of time that matters.
But now we know, thanks to the Marriage Masters, that it’s the quantity of quality
time spent together that leads to a wonderful marriage.

Whether it’s a vacation in the Bahamas, or simply spending a night at a local

motel once a week, keeping the romance burning is easy: all you have to do is
keep stoking the fire.

One woman, married 47 years before her husband passed away, disclosed her
secret to lifelong love. Every night, when her husband would come home from work,
they would go up to their bedroom and hang a sign on the door that read, “Do Not
Disturb: Marriage In Progress.” For the following fifteen minutes they’d focus all their
attention on one another. No phones, no pets, no distractions; even the kids knew
mom and dad were not to be bothered. When asked what they did in their bedroom,
she laughed and said she’d leave that to our imaginations. That was probably best
anyway.

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“Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”

Marriage Masters have a high degree of selflessness. “I’ll never forget what
my mentor told my wife and me before we got married forty two years ago,” said a
Marriage Master named Walter. “He looked at us and said, ‘Most people think
marriage is 50/50. It’s not. It’s 60/40. You give 60. You take 40. And that goes
for both of you.”

It’s always super apparent in the best of the best marriages that both spouses
have followed Walter’s mentor’s philosophy. Though it’s not a difficult concept to
understand—putting one another first—it’s surely a bit more difficult to practice
consistently, especially with the prevailing Me 1st (and 2nd) mentality today. “The
younger generations seem to have a sort of me-me-me mentality,” says Donna Lee,
married 45 years. “The great part is that the me gets everything it needs when it
puts the we first.”
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“Join the CMAT Club”

Grandma Dorothy Manin, the inspiration for Project Everlasting with her 63
years of beautiful matrimony, formed an informal club when she turned 70 years old.
She called it the CMAT club. The CMAT club stands for Can’t Miss A Thing and
represents the mentality that life is short, so make sure to enjoy as much as
you can. The death rate for human beings hovers right around 100%, and is expected
to remain there for…well, forever. Consider this: if the average life span is 77 years,
then that means we only have 77 Summers…77 Winters…77 Christmas mornings…77
New Years, and that’s it.

The Marriage Masters know this all too well. It’s easy to get caught in the
day-to-day craziness of life and, in the process, take our spouses for granted. A
widow named Betty, married 54 years, says, “Now that he’s gone I wish I hadn’t had so
many headaches.”

The Marriage Masters are here to remind us that this adventure we call life
goes by in the blink of an eye; relish your sweetheart’s presence while he or she
is still here.

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T g{|Çz
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“The Discipline of Respect”

“You can have respect without love,” said Tom, married 42 years, “but you
can’t have love without respect.” His sentiments were not uncommon in our 250+
interviews around the nation.

By and large, the number one secret to a thriving, everlasting marriage, as

declared by the Marriage Masters, is respect. It is the catalyst for all things beautiful
in a relationship: trust, connection, authenticity, and love. Unfortunately, respect—in
all its seeming simplicity—is too easily overlooked, leading to criticism and all the
ugliness that eventually causes both spouses to wonder (and vehemently): How in the
heck did I ever fall in love with this person?

“You are the master of your words until they are spoken,” a Marriage Master
of 65 years pointed out. “Then they become the master of you…so choose your
words carefully.”

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For more information on Project Everlasting and our two bachelors, Mathew Boggs and Jason Miller visit www.ProjectEverlasting.com. Feel free to forward
this to your family, friends and everyone close to you.

Project Everlasting is the story of Marriage Masters nationwide who opened their hearts and homes to Mathew and Jason to reveal intimate and authentic
portraits of fulfilling marriage. Each chapter is dedicated to one of the bachelors’ questions and the sometimes humorous, sometimes heart wrenching,
always sincere and enlightening stories from couples married forty, fifty, sixty, even seventy five years that illustrate their answers.

For anyone longing to know how to make a relationship work, Project Everlasting provides insight and inspirational anecdotes, and relationship seminars
focusing on how to create your life long love story.