Dios No Se Equivoca Ebook English

Miriam Arelis Quiñones
Second Edition, English Version 2011
Bible Texts
E- Sword Electronic Bible, American Standard Version
Published in Ponce, Puerto Rico
Printed in Ponce, Puerto Rico

R By, Miriam Arelis Quiñones Santiago 2010-2011
God never makes mistakes
God never
makes
mistakes

2011
Dedication:
First I want to dedicate this book to my little sister Marta Mireli Gilbes
Santiago. To you Martita, you are a special sister, because you came to our
lives to bring us happiness and contagious all with your tenderness. If I could
have the opportunity to live my life again I would have you in my life again
no matter the consequences.

I want that you never be ashamed of your origin because God don´t makes
mistakes and if your father and my mother weren´t got married you won´t be
part of my life. Your parents conceived you but God is your creator. You are
not guilty for the actions of other people. You can be a different human being
if you want it. You are the best sister that any human being wishes to have. I
admire you and I´m very proud of you like a teenager, like sister and like a
human being. You are the most important thing in my life. You are the best
thing that ever happens to us. I hope that you can see as an example so you
can learn from my mistakes and you can be a successful and blest by God.
Remember that more than I can love you God loves you. And especially to
you I dedicated this book. I love you.
I also dedicate this book to the human being that gives my life, my mother,
Miriam Santiago Cruz. Mother, I´m really proud to be your daughter. And if I
could have the chance of choose the Angel that will take care of me in this
world I will choose you again without doubts. You are a very special mother,
hard worker, brave and lovely. Because you worked hard to raised us and gave
us the best at your hand. Because even you suffer every kind of abuse instead
you gave us love. I love you mom. To you Sabala González Rosado, my
husband, the love of my life. For been that angel that God sent to every one of
us. God don´t makes mistakes and always come at time, and at time you came
to my life. In the moment I ever imagine, when I thought that I couldn´t be
loved. To teach me that it is possible to love, believe and trust. That it is
possible to be happy. That everything wasn´t lost. You teach me that love is
more than words, pain, distance, years, people or problems. Thanks for be like
you are and how you are. Thanks for your love to me. I love you so much,
sweetheart.
For last but not least, I dedicate this book to my sister in Christ and my very
best friend, to Irma I. Muñiz Crespo. Dear Irma because you have been more
than a friend to me. You are like my older sister. I always asked God, why I
have to be the older, why I didn´t have an older sister that understand and
listen me. And because God don´t makes mistakes after a lot of years he gave
me as a present the older sister that I always wanted. Thanks for your love and
your unconditional support. Thanks for been the way you are. God have blest
my life with you in it. I love you so much. And to any person that could
identify with any of the situations that happened to me and can be restored
with the hand of God like he did to me. To any salvation soul that God wants
to speak through this book and my testimony and he can rescue to his
kingdom. Make exclusively to praise the Lord. I dedicate this work to all of
you.
With love,

Prologue
This book is more than a story; it reveals in details my testimony, my life.
This is the testimony of the miraculous and restorative work that Jesus Christ
has done in my life. Knowing closer about what is a dysfunctional home, the
domestic violence, verbal, psychological and sexual abuse, infidelity,
infertility and divorce. God can fill the emptiness in the heart of the man and
fill it with mercy, love and forgiveness. How a teenager rebel with life and
with God she became in a teenager that could love, forgive and serve a living
God. How a teenager that thought the God made a mistake with her life,
because all the circumstances that surround her birth, she became into a
woman that understand that God never makes mistakes and her live has a
purpose and all the circumstances that surrounded her life were there to guide
her to the divine purpose of God with her life.

“Jehovah will perfect that which concerneth me”

Psalms 138:8
The Story
The Story
The story of my life begins in August 24 of 1980 at 3:05 in the morning at the
Birth Room in the District Hospital in Ponce City. I was the first daughter of a
one year old marriage that wishes their first baby. Every marriage that wishes
a baby the more logic thing is that with the notice of their baby birth their lives
were full of happiness, but that wasn´t my case.

To my mother was the happiest day in her life, my birth transformed her in a
mother, the thing that she wished the most in that moment of her life. To my
father my birth was a deception, he wanted a baby boy, his first born, his heir,
but I was a girl. Because of that my father didn´t want to saw me at the
hospital nursery, he neither went to the hospital to pick up us.

At home he didn´t want to see my face neither take me in his arms. That made
my mother sad and she was very disappointed of my father and she decided to
separate from him. When my father knew it he makes up his mind and he went
to my crib and look at me. And he saw that I was just like him and he took me
in his arms and cried sadly.

With my grandfather´s help my parents bought a house in a beautiful place.
When time passed, my father lost his job and my mother was looking for a
job. She began to work as a secretary in a private school. In the meantime my
father found another job so the both decide to work to give me a better future.
To work my mother took me to a day care in which I can still remember how
the hurt me badly. The physically abuse me. They kept me in a corner; they
screamed and punished me so badly that I got sick. So bad that one day I bit a
kid that was in the day care with me. My mother had to take me to another
day care. I stayed a little in that new day care because my aunt my mother´s
younger sister came from United States to live with us and take care of me.
My mother told her to take care of me while she worked so she can bring more
money to the house. But even I was her niece she don´t take good care of me.
Always when my mother came from work I was with the same clothes, I never
ate and she told that I never want to go to the bathroom with her; of course
that was a lie. My mother had a bad feeling about that so one day she went to
work and came out earlier. Hidden in the back of my room´s door my mother
listened when crying I was asking my aunt to take me to the bathroom. I was
little and couldn´t get down the crib and she yelled at me telling me no. when
my mother entered in the room and I was crying because of the hard pain I
had. Immediately my mother took me to the hospital and there the doctors
needed to make me an incision so I could pee.

Because of all the time I was holding to go to the bathroom and I couldn´t pee.
My mother got desperate because the doctor told her that I was suffering a lot
because I was small to so many changes and so many troubles. Then I got sick
so my mother was in a hurry from the hospital to the drugstore and from the
drugstore to home. One day when my mother was checking my medicines she
noticed that her period didn´t came from about three months. With so many
problems she didn´t notice before.

My parents were not planning to have another baby in the moment but it was
too late, my mother was pregnant. She had three months of pregnancy when
she found out that I was going to have a baby brother or sister. In that moment
my father was very happy because he now wanted a baby girl. The new baby
was born and like my father wishes my mother had a baby girl. To me it was
the happiest moment in my life another girl to play. I can still remember when
we went to pick her up at the hospital. Now I had a little sister to play. Times
flies and my because of my father´s parties and drinking he lost his job again.
We lost our house because my mom was not working to take care of my sister
and me. So we had to live with my grandparents for a little while.

Everything was just fine until my uncle came to live with us too with his
family. That caused that my parents were in a lots of fights because my
mother wanted a house for us. My cousins hit me a lot and that caused that my
parents went in a terrible fight about them living with us too. My father didn´t
understand and he stayed in my uncle´s site. My mother was very angry and
she left the house with us and we went to live with her adoptive family in
another city. We were there a lot of time until my father came and promised
my mom that he will change and that he found a house only for us. My mother
thought that things could change and she believed him. We went to the new
house with my father and at night we saw the house and it appeared to be
beautiful and near to the beach. But in the morning we saw that the house was
much deteriorated. But what else my mother could do? We don´t have another
place to go with us. My mother tried to fix and decorate a little the house so it
could be prettier. I love that house a lot. I remembered that I ran at the beach
in the weekends and looked for shells, ran after the crabs. I was four years old
so my parents took me to a preschool that I hated so much. I knew how to

color and write but I didn´t want to be apart from my mother so I cried every
morning when she left me there. I stayed there in a bad mood so I color and
write wrong because I wanted my mother. One day I was crying too much and
my mother took me back home. When we got there we saw that the door was
open so we knew that some thieves were there. We entered at the house and
we saw all our things in the floors. There was no TV, no jewelry, no radio and
some many things that were missing.

My mother was so nervous and she asked my father to talk to my grandparents
so they could help him to find another house because it was too dangerous to
stay there. In the night something could happen because we lived in front of
an avenue and nobody could help us. There were no many houses around only
bars and restaurants. My father went to my grandparents’ house and never
came back. My mother was so scared so she was getting sick and that scared
me a lot. She always told me that if somebody entered in the house that I have
to take my one year old little sister in my arms and that we have to go under
the bed and don´t make noises no matter what I heard. That made me stays
awake almost all the night watching over my mother and my baby sister. We
all sleep at the same room. After some weeks my father came back and carried
some groceries and he left again. My mother was getting worst; she was in
some kind of depression. She stayed all day in bed sleeping. Some many times
I had to feed my baby sister. I remember that one time the baby don´t have her
bottle prepared and with four years old I tried to turn on the gas stove and I
burned one finger with the fire. So I took a sock and I put it on my hand so my
mother didn´t notice it. When my mother saw it she started to cry and ask my
forgiveness because she left me alone taking care of my baby sister with only
four years old. She wake up and she took us out of the house and with some
money that she had hidden under the bed we walk away. I remember that we
walk under the sun until we got public transportation and we could get to my
grandparents´ house. When my mother told them everything they got mad and
they found us a new house in another place. This time it was a big and really
beautiful house. Like always my grandparents solving my father’s troubles.

I was very excited with the new house and with the idea of going to school to
kindergarten. I thought that things will get better. My father was not drinking
and he left the parties, but it wasn´t for too long. He began to drink again and
he didn´t pay the bills and always my grandparents had to take care of our
problems. I remembered that many times we kept days without eat.

I looked at the refrigerator and I ate ice to get away the hunger. My
grandmother had to carry groceries and pay the bills. Some many years
passed. Every year was the same. Fights and more fights. Every Christmas my
parents fought because he didn´t have money to buy us some presents. To
school my mother had to cry to my grandparents so they bought us our school
materials and clothes. My father alcoholism was so awful that every week he
drink all his job wage check. Without thinking in food, bills and even us. My
mother suffers because of this for eleven years until she couldn´t hold no
more. When I was in fifth grade my mother sat and explained to me that their
marriage couldn´t continue because I didn´t work out. My father was very
irresponsible with us and she didn´t love him anymore. I cried a lot, but I
understood and I knew she was right but he was my father and I loved him and
I wanted him living with us. I couldn´t do anything to stop it. One day after
school I saw my father taking his things and his cloth and although giving me
a kiss he pushed me away and got out of the house. He yelled at my mother
that in that moment he no longer had a wife or daughters.

Words that stayed recorded in my mind and in my heart and created a big scar
in my soul and my heart. The time went on and my parents got divorce. It was
a fact; there was nothing I could do. That day my father came by and asks me
to forgive him for his words and he promised us to take us one or another
weekend and in Christmas and summer we could stay with him for more days.
And in our birthdays he will be with us and in every important day he will be
there and I believed him. Months passed and my mother met someone. She
found someone that filled her empty and sad heart. She met a man that with
his love and details conquered my mother´s heart. He paid all the bills and
carried some groceries when he saw the refrigerator empty. He told us that he
didn´t want to be our father and that he will love us and he hope that we could
love him too. He told us that he wanted to be our friend and I believed him.
Time passed and we were so happy. He took us out and bought us a lot of
things, details that my father never did to us. That convinced my mother to
marry him after many months living with him and now knowing that she was
pregnant. The double notice made us very happy; we will have another sister
or brother. And we also will have another father. We were hoping to someday
call him dad. Months passed and the new baby was born, another girl. A
beautiful baby girl was born and I will help to take care of because I was the
older daughter. The baby girl, the queen of the house my baby sister was born.
My mother helped my stepfather in a cafeteria that he had. So when I came
from school I took care of the baby because I was eleven years old. I had to
learn how to cook because my mother´s work was so hard and he made me
helped her with the house chores. My baby sister was around one year old.
During all this time we even saw our father. And when he came to take us
with him he left us with our grandparents and went out to drink with his
friends. I remembered that in my sixth grade graduation I was so excited. My
father promised me that he will be there with me. He will see me when I gave
my speech of the “Symbolic Ladder” to the girl who will receive it that year,
award that I received the year before because of my good grades during my
elemental school years. When it was my turn to walk by the hall my father
wasn´t there so I had to walk by alone by myself, because the girls had to walk
by with their fathers and the boys with their mothers. I was the only one that
walks by the hall alone, which was so sad to me. Then my mother went to my
chair and gave me a kiss and told me that everything will be fine. She told me
that I didn´t have to be nervous because she will be in the crowd looking at
me. She gave me strength and courage to give my speech. So when they call
my name I walked to the front I was very confident, but when I looked at the
crowd and I saw that my father wasn´t there I couldn´t stand it and my eyes
were about to cry and I couldn´t talk. I looked again to the crowd and I saw
my mother she stood up and she made me some gestures that everything will
be just fine.
Then I saw my father walking quickly through the door and looked at me and
smiled at me. I smiled and began my speech, when I finished everybody
cheered at me because they noticed that my parents were very important to me
to give my speech. When I gave the award to the girl I walked through the hall
to my chair but I really wanted to run into my father´s arms and hug him and
so I did it. I was so excited; he was there with me, in that important moment in
my life. I was very happy seeing my parents there, separated but together for
me.
That happiness finished when the graduation ends and everybody was taking
pictures with their parents and my father came to me and gave me a little
present from my grandparents and told me that he had to go. I asked him to
stayed because I need to walk out by the hall with him, he told me no and he
left me there. I was so sad, so my mother took my hand and she walked out by
the hall with me. That was very disappointing to me. That made me to
unknown him more and trusts him least to talk to him and tell him my things.
My father took us and sat us in his legs; he never gave us a kiss or a hug. He
never told us that he loved us. He has to be drunk to tell us that he loved us. It
was so sad to me and made me hate him. When I least expect it he didn´t came
back to visit us. After so many months without seeing him, one morning,
when I was getting ready for junior high school he came by crying and he told
us that our grandfather was dead. My heart broke in pieces because I loved
him so much. When my father never hug us and kiss us he did it. They didn´t
tell us that he was sick. And after that somebody told us that he asked to see us
and no one came to pick up us to see him at the hospital. That day we didn´t
go to school we went to my grandfather funeral. In there we cried for long
hours. I didn´t understand why my grandfather died. I loved him so much.
Why God took him from me? What was the matter of God with me? And I
complained in tears in front of my dead grandfather body. I told him that it
was a mistake, he took the wrong person, my grandfather didn´t have to die
because he was so kind and lovely.

In the meantime my father was getting drunk because of his sadness. In the
third day they buried him. That was the most awful sensation that any human
being especially a kid could experience, the feeling that you know you will
never see him again. My father didn´t cried at the funeral but when they close
the case his emotions went out and he couldn´t stand and cried sadly. We also
cried with him. From that day my father lost the notion of the reality and the
world. He started to drink much more. He didn’t visit us anymore. That caused
a lot of pain and emptiness to me. I needed a father. I tried to find it in my
stepfather whom I learned to respect but I didn´t find it. After he married my
mother and the baby born his behavior change, he was another different
person. He became in an arrogant, aggressive and bad person. I found out that
he was an hypocrite, he demonstrated one face to married my mother and then
after he got what he wants he reveals his real personality. There was no longer
respect no even love what I felt, it was terror and hate for lying to us and
betrayed us, but my mother was blind and she didn´t want to understand. My
situation got worst, when this man started to get closer to me in an indecent
way, that was not correct and I was terrorized. I was twelve years old and I
had become a lady so I was really scared and I couldn´t talk. Then those
propositions became a reality. He threatened me and he told me that he will
hurt my mother if I said no. And one day I said no and pushed him away. That
day I learned what he was capable of do to my mother. Without explanations
he began to beat my mother and we had to call the cops and they took him out
of our house. I felt guilty, because it was my fault and I could release my
mother from that suffering. When some days passed he convinced my mother
and she forgave him so she didn´t present charges for domestic violence at the
police. That scared the hell out of me; again I was submitted to his disgusting
desires.
I was only a girl; he touched me like he wanted and me made me touch him
too. Every time when he touched me I felt like one part of me died, I felt like
one part of me was lost, I felt like the most valuable of my life was stolen.
That made me felt disgust and hate. Every day that passed I had more hate and
resent in my heart. I was scared about him, I couldn´t talk. I was just trying to
protect my mother and keep peace in my house, even it that takes me to
sacrifice myself. All years passed like this and I even saw my father through
those years. Until one day he decided to go to the United States and that´s
made me feel more unprotect. My hate to this man was so huge that I
expressed it on a diary that I kept so carefully, but I didn´t wrote what he was
doing to me. Unfortunately this man without feelings or compassion found it
when I was in my last junior high school year. He read and showed it to my
mother. My mother was very sad and disappointed because she thought that I
was been unfair with him. That day I hate more my mother, she punished me
when I was protecting her (even that she didn´t know it) and she knew how he
treated us. Sometimes he yelled at us and he said to us words like beasts,

animals, stupid, bad words and obscene words. He told me that I was
worthless, that I was useless. When he was mad even it wasn´t our fault he
blamed us for everything and punished us letting us without eating even taking
a bath so we could learned to respect. I remembered one time; when we were
at his store taking care of the baby, her diaper was dirty so I tried to change
her and she got dirty again when I was cleaning her and we began to laugh.
That man got angry and he took us from our arms and sat us on a chair. He
didn´t let us get up only to the bathroom, without eat or drink water until
night. My mother supports him, because he told her that we needed discipline.
I also remembered how he obligated us to ate things that we didn´t like it. And
if we didn´t eat it he sent us to sleep without eat so the next time we ate all the
food. When we said that we didn´t like something he made my mother to cook
it more often and obligated us to eat it. In my diary I wrote that I didn´t want
him to go to my graduation because I hated him and he wasn´t my father. That
man didn´t go to my graduation but neither my father. My father promised me

that he will travel to see me graduate but he never came. Another important
day in my life and he didn’t came.
When I received my awards again the only person in the crowd cheering at me
was my mother. My father wasn´t in my graduation pictures again. Because I
received a lot of awards my mother let me went out with my friends to the
movies and eat. It was a very fun day, but when I was back home but my
mother wasn´t there, something had happen. A neighbor told me to go to my
mother´s parents in law because something had happen and I had to go with
her. I ran crying to see what happen. When got where she was I saw her beat,
her face was marked and she was crying with my sisters. When I asked her
what happened, she told me that he had a fight with her husband because she
let me go out with my friends. He began to beat her and she ran out with my
sisters. He told my mother that I didn´t deserve it because I hated him. She
decided to leaved him and fly to the United States, because her family lived
there. I didn´t know them so I asked her to let me stay with my grandmother
in other city. After a lot of time I felt happy and free from slavery, I will be
free from the silence prison. Although, I felt sad because for the first time in
my life my mother and sisters will be separate from me. No one will bother
me, no one will insult me, no one will humiliate me, no one will abuse me and
I will be free. Now I could sleep calm without fear of tomorrow, without fear
of been touched or abused. In matter of days everything was sold. My mother

with sadness sold everything very cheap so she could go quickly. In the
meantime, my older cousin and my grandmother began to register me in the
new school that I will attend. I began to move my things and my clothes to my
new home and decorate my new room. When my father knew it he called me
and promised to call me every week. My older cousin lived next to my
grandmother´s house so I couldn´t feel alone. When some weeks passed my
grandmother got excited with the idea of celebrate my fifteen´s birthday in her
house. I never thought that I would celebrate it. With all the problems that my
family had I even remembered that I was turning fifteen. The fifteen years the
most beautiful time in the life of a girl. The time when a girl turns into a
woman, for me was stolen. My birthday in august like my grandmother she
began to prepare everything for the celebration. I began to excite for the first
time in so many time. My mother before fly out to the United States she
bought me the dress. It wasn´t the usual dress what a girl used for this party,
but I liked it very much. The dress was white, to the knees and with a lot of
rhinestones. With the dress she gave me the white shoes and some silver shoes
too that made me very happy. I made myself a headpiece because I didn´t
have a crown. The party was very simple in the yard of my grandmother´s
house. I could invite my schoolmates and friends. That excited me a lot
because between my friends there was a boy that I liked too much and it also
includes my best friends. A few days before my party, my mother gave me
the bad news that she was getting back to Puerto Rico. That made me happy
until she told me that she was going to moving back with her husband. He
threatened her because she went to the United States with her daughter
without his permission. When I asked her if she will be at my birthday party
she told me not. That made me real sad. She told me that I could stay with my
grandmother and I could visit her sometimes, which gave me some relief. The
only idea of returning to that house with that man abusing me made me
terrorize. The party day came and I woke up some kind of sad and depress.
My sister and my best friend stayed with me to be with me for the party. They
helped me to get dress. As a surprise, my best friend brings to me her crown
and I borrowed it and used it. I was very sad because the two most important
people in my life were not with me on that day. On the afternoon my father
called me to congratulate me and sang to the happy birthday song, it made me
cry a lot. I began to prepare with my sister and best friend´s help. The invites
began to arrive and between them came an aunt of my father´s. She gave the
news that she had a lot of surprises for me that day. When I finished I went out
I saw a convertible car waiting for me outside. The car will escort me through
the city to the church and to the center of the city to take me some pictures. I
was very excited because I really wanted a church ceremony but I didn´t have
one. The ride was only for the pictures. When I came back all the invites were
there and when they saw me the cheered at me. I felt like a fairy tales princess.
For some hours I forgot how my life really was. I forgot what I had become
into. For one day I forgot my tragedy, my past, my childhood, my
adolescence, my sadness, my lost innocence, my stolen illusions, my hopeless
life. For one day I completely forgot the mistake of God with my life, I forgot
that God was wrong with my life. On this day everything was different,
everything was new, everything was beautiful, nothing could ruin it, and
everything was perfect. A message for me was prepare so I could read it to the
audience. I read it after I heard my favorite song. It was one of the surprises
they gave to me. I danced it with my cousin who was my birthday partner,
“The magic of the fifteen years”. I danced, I smiled and have fun like I didn´t
for so many time. Yes, magic that was I was enjoying that day. It was a
magical day, because like a magic trick every bad thing that happened to me
disappears from my mind and my heart. My whole world was shifting around
that joyful moment, like a dream, like a fairy tale. Like the princess in the
tales, after suffering a lot at the end come the charming prince and rescued her
and danced happily ever after. I went to share with the invites between them
was a young man that was looking at me without stopping. He was very
handsome; he was a neighbor of mine in there. I avoided him because I didn´t
know him. I was scared too because no boy made me a lovely proposition at
that time. I thought I was too ugly. I thought that what happened to me, what I
was victim of reflected on my face to others. No one could ever look at me. I
felt indignant, I felt impure and dirty. No one will accept me because of what I
was, because of what I had become. No boy will accept a girl with the past
that I had. And if someone does it, will be only to take one chance on me. He
continued looking at me until he made me smiled and I forgot for a briefest
moment all my complaints and traumas. When the party was almost finishing
the boy that I liked came to me and told me that he had a girlfriend. That made
me sad and made loss the hope to have a boyfriend one day. Even that bad
news the happiness that I felt was so huge that it doesn´t matter to me and I
kept dancing and enjoying my party. They let me took video of my friends and
invites birthday wishes to me. I could saw how many people loved and cared
about me. Even the good-looking boy that looked at me, he wished to me that
I could find true love one day. When the party was over, I opened my
presents; there was a lot of beautiful things and some money that I could use
to go out with my best friend to the movies. My grandmother gave me
permission to go with her to the movies with her parents. When some days
passed my cousins that were my neighbors too invited me to be with them at
the street corner to talk and listen to some jokes. My grandmother was very
kind with me and she let me go for a little while. With the neighbors there was
the good-looking boy so I was very nervous. He was trying to have a
conversation with me, so he sat next to me and he asked me about my birthday
presents and we began to talk. He asked me for my family and why I was
living with my grandmother. He only saw me there when I stayed there with
my father when he was living there. I don´t know why I started to tell him my
story like I met him from my childhood or something like that. Of course I
didn´t tell him about the nightmare that I lived with my stepfather. He began
to tell me about his problems. He lived there with his father, one sister and one
brother because his mother left them, that made me feel sad for him. Like this
the hours passed, telling each other our history. Every story very different one
from the other but united by the pain and sadness. A pain and sadness that
united us in a friendship that became in love. I was falling in love for the first
time in my life. This was the first time that I felt something like this before.
Our love began to rise and although we can share too much because my
grandmother didn´t allow me to go out alone with him to protect me. We also
can´t talk too much because I got too nervous to speak to him.
But then life got mad at me, and after few months in school and met love the
evil found me and made me a slave again. That evil man without feelings or
compassion or mercy convinced my mother to take me out of that school and
made me return to live with them. They made me come back to hell, come
back to cavalry and sadness and my grandmother couldn´t do anything at all. I
had to go back but this time that man told me that he was changed and he
promised me that he will never bother me again and I believed him. He
promised me that I could stay in my new school so that made me feel happy.
In school I could see my boyfriend, because we were then a couple. I spoke to
my boyfriend and his intentions were to visit me at my house and speak to my
mother about his intentions and feelings for me. This confirmed me his good
intentions with me and his true love. When some few weeks passed everything
changed, all the promises that I believed from a man that didn´t had the
minimum sense of honesty or kindness blew off. After cheating on me, one
day when I was at the Spanish class the principal asked for me. I went to her
office and I saw there my mother with her evil husband. They were taking me
out of the school because it was too far to keep carrying me having a school
near at home. I was very sad, my new friends cry with me in school. I didn´t
want to leave, I liked my new school, my new teachers and my new friends.
But I was only a teenager; I was only fifteen years old so I had to obey my
mother´s wishes. In our way home they told me that they wanted to meet my
boyfriend so he could visit me at the weekends if I promised to keep studying
at my new school now and maintained good grades. I said yes. My boyfriend
came to visit me with his father to ask for permission to visit me every
weekend. I was very happy because now we could see each other and talked a
little. But this happiness didn´t last for too long. For my happiness the evil
made me a slave again and surrounded with it chains;

it was worst. His evil mind made him think that I had sexual relations with my
boyfriend so he threatened me telling me that he will kill my mother and my
sisters and obligated me to have sexual relations with him; that destroyed my
soul. Every time I was submitted to that disgusting act some part of me died. I
knew what he was capable to do them; he always was armed and we could
saw his gun because he cleaned it in front of us. Every day some part of me
was destroy; some part of me was lost. Every day one part of my heart was
taking away. Every day that passed I wanted to live less. Some kind of a
sadness root born in my heart. My soul every day lost it innocence and magic.
I began to hate him with all my strength. I began to hate myself for allow him
to rape me. I was disgust to myself, I felt impure, indignant, dirty. I didn´t
deserve to be happy. Why? Did I was born to suffer? Does God forget about
me? Why did God let me born if my father didn´t want me? Why mother
doesn´t abort me? Why God doesn´t listen to me? Was God wrong about a
person and he were punishing me? Those were my daily questions to God
when I got to bed. I prayed every night that if he really existed he let me
stayed in my dreams and never wake up again. So I could forget the whole
world and rest in peace. And days, weeks and months passed like this. Every
time that man woke up in bad humor he traveled to my boyfriend´s house and
told him not to come and visit me to punish me even more. I couldn´t tell him
the truth, I was so scared. The only thought that he could kill my boyfriend
terrorized me. Was isn´t worth to him what he does to me? He stole my
innocence and purity from me. Now he wants to punish and hurt me more so I
would hate him more. My boyfriend was getting mad about this situation and
he told me that if this continues we would wait until classes begin so we could
see each other at school. We could write each other during the summer until
classes began, because he will study at my city. I understood him. We moved
to a new house and again that man went to my boyfriend´s house to tell him
not to visit me. I knew that it will be the last time. He came one more time to
invite me to his graduation with his parents. And my parents let me go. But
amazingly some days before the graduation I should go to my school to
receive my grades and when that man saw that I got all As and one B he got
mad about the B and began to yell at me. He said that because of having a
boyfriend made me lose focus on school and that is why I got a B. That made
so mad. I lost my self-control and I began to yell at him, that he wasn´t my
father, that I hated him and that I was tired of him. In a few seconds when I
looked back I just felt a punch at my face to my eye, it could made me lost my
vision. In that moment started a discussion with my mother and him. I
threatened him with the police. And said to me that the bail that the judge put
onto him he will pay it right sway and he will come back to us and to me. My
mother was really scared and she didn´t let me go to the police. In that
moment I hated my mother with all my strength, so I took my clothes to go
away from there. I didn´t know where to or with whom but I just want to go
away from that prison. I thought to call my boyfriend and ran away with him.
One time his father asked me to ran away with them to the United States and
in there I could marry my boyfriend when I got my 21 st birthday but in that
moment I couldn´t go, it was not the right thing. But now I didn´t care if it was
the right thing I just want to go away of that place that was killing myself
slowly. My mother begged to me not to go and leave them alone by
themselves. I was the strongest one in the house. I was the only one who
confronted him and defended them and in the nights I read to them some bible
verses until they slept. So I decided not to go then, one small piece of kindness
that kept in my heart made me stay with them. I stayed living there; if I can
call it living I think it was more surviving than living. Every day and every
night was a challenge, a war to keep us alive. After some days my boyfriend
came because he knew that this man hurt me, with his hand he touched my
face and he asked me to write him. He gave me his address and he told me that
we would see each other when classes begin. When first day of school came
he will be outside my school at the lunch hour and I believed him. I wrote him
the first letter and he answered me with a strange letter. He told me that
talking with other people about me they told him that my mother´s husband
attitude with me appears to be like he was in love with me. And if he discover
that it was true he will come and take me out of my house and kill him. I was
terrorized, because he was right but I couldn´t tell him anything. I was scared
of what could happen to him. So I wrote him again and settle a meeting in a
shopping mall that I will visit with my mother and sisters to shop. My mother
gave me permission to meet with him there. But I never received his
answered. Assuming that he received the letter the date day I waited for him
for hours at the settled place but he didn´t come. I was angry, disappointed and
sad. The only idea of him betraying me or leaving me alone made me so angry
and full me with resent and pain. My mother tried to calm me and she insisted
me to write him again. I wrote him one letter, two letters, three letters, lots of
letters and none was answered. So that made me think that he was playing
with me and he didn´t love me either. I destroyed all his love letters, his
greeting cards, toys, pictures and gifts. I considered ended the relationship that
had nine month of length. After some weeks the new school years classes
began and my illusions of seeing him came back. When I got to school, the
lunch hour passed and I was in front of my school waiting as an idiot for him
and he didn´t come. It destroyed entirely my life. On that day I began to hate
every man on earth because I thought that all men were liars. My rebellion to
life and to God rose much more. In the nights I cried until I felt asleep. I
questioned God why he abandoned me, why he let me suffer that much. I
asked him if he was true or just a people tale. If he was just a story that
somebody invented to make people believe in something. Sometimes I took
the Bible and with a lot of anger I asked him if everything that was written on
it was true or if someone invented it. I cried without hope, hating myself for
my suffering and pain, asked him to help me. I asked him if he took the wrong
persona because I didn´t do anything wrong in my life. I was not guilty of
been born in a home with some parents that never love each other. I was not
guilty of been a girl or been like I was. But my answers never came. Until one
day I saw that when I opened the Bible after that day of complaints and
questions everything that I read on it answered my questions. I read in that
book that I was not alone, that God was with me until the end, that he was my
light and salvation that he was my shepherd and won´t need anything. I read
that the one who stays at the shadow of the Almighty (that is God) will rest in
the shadow of the Lord. I read that there are angels that were keeping me safe
and defended me. I read that even my parents left me behind he will take care
of me. I read that I could pray to him and he will answer me. Although those
words were not in accordance of my daily reality they gave strength to wake
up. They stopped me when I wanted to kill myself or kill that man. For so
many times I was too close to take some pills to intoxicated myself and die but
in that moments someone or something made me remember the words written
in that black book that I hid above my bed. I don´t know why or how but I
believed them, I felt that there were true and who made me remember it was
someone unnatural. That man´s evil rose too. He made me suffer more every
day. He told me that I will never marry because no one will marry someone
like me, because I was worthless and men will only look at me for my body
only. He told me that I was only a sexual object and I will never have a
family. That made my heart to turn like a stone in a point that nothing matters
to me. I felt abandoned, hated, unloved, my self-esteem was under the floor. I
felt like he told me I was. I believed every word he told about me. I studied
and I really liked school, it was the only place that I felt safe. My school was
my refuge, my hobby when I could forget my nightmare. Months and years
passed and I never knew anything else from that boy. That boy that made
think that someone could possibly love me. That boy that after made know the
truth about love destroyed me making me sees what was been hurt by love.
Making me think that love was also suffering like my whole life, that there is
anything beautiful about love. Love for me was only an illusion and then it
throws you to the ground so you could see the mean reality. This situation
reminds me that I was really born to suffer. There was no one that suffers
more than me. I believed everything that man said to me. No one will see me
with value or respect, no one will love me. Every man that could get close to
me it will be to have sexual relations not more. After they got what they want
they will throw me away like garbage. No one will love me because I was
worthless and useless. God has sent me to this world to suffer. I was a mistake
in this world, God was wrong when he create me. I was God´s mistake. Time
passed and my hate was huge and huge. My heart couldn´t give love, my face
couldn´t reflect anything but sadness and pain. My father came back from the
United States and he raised his own family with a new daughter and forgot
about us. He forgot about me that I needed him so much. I had to live my
cavalry, my silence prison of pain. Some months before finishing my senior
year that man woke up like a demon, his face was different his was totally out
of his mind. He woke up us with beating at the door and yelling. He told my
mother that we have to get dress to go out with him and my mother doesn´t
want to. She told us that he wanted to get us in his car so he could crash his
car with us inside so we could kill us. We were too nervous and we started to
cried. My mother took us from our arms and she shakes us and she ordered us
to get dress so he could stay calm. In the moment that he went to the bathroom
to get prepare, we ran out of the house to his mother´s house that was near our
house. We locked down there and my mother called the police. When that
man saw that we were not in the house, he ran after us. He yelled at my
mother and threatened her. He told her that he will get his gun and kill us. So
he got in his car and went to his workplace where he hides his gun. We stayed
at his parent´s house until the police came. When the police arrived they told
us that they pursuit him and arrested him. This time my mother presents
charges against him for domestic violence. It was a very long, difficult but
happy day for me. Now I was really free from him. Now I could sleep without
fear. They gave us a protection order against him, because he paid the bail and
he could stay at his parent´s house near our house. We were scared, but we
have to be strong and try to live our life some kind of normal. Some months
passed and my mother stay firm at her decision and we were so happy. Even
my little sister his daughter, she didn´t want that he came back to our house.
She was scared of him too; she was only five years old. One morning, when
my mother was at my little sister´s school, my sister and I was getting ready
for school, that man came by my house and called me. He told me that I had to
find an excuse to go out with him because he had to talk to me. And I said no
because my mother didn´t him around us. He got very mad and he threatened
me of hurting my sister. I went to school so nervous and in my way to school I
started to cry. My sister was at my house and she walked alone to school, so I
was scared about her, because he told me that any car could hit her by accident
and no one will know that he sent it to hit her. He also told me that the same
could happen to me too. So I was frightened. I don´t want my sister suffer
anything like I was suffering. When I got to school, I went to the cafeteria to
have some breakfast. There was my best friend and when she saw my eyes,
she asked me what had happen to me. I started to cry and I felt like my chest
will explode if I didn´t talk. Then I heard a voice at my ear that told me:
“Today is the day that you will talk and I will rescue you” like the Bible said
in Psalms 103:4 “Who rescue your life from the hole.” Immediately I opened
my mouth and I told my best friend the cavalry I was suffering for six years. I
told her how I was been rape all these years day after day. My best friend
started to cry and she told me that she will support me, but I had to go to my
mother´s house and told everything to her right away. So she took my hand
and she walked me to my house, where my mother was getting ready the
laundry. When she saw me crying she got too nervous and asked me what
happened. But my mouth got close and my nerves didn´t let me talk. My best
friend confessed everything to my mother. She got in a terrible shock. She

started to jump, cry and scream, that made cry even more. When she calmed
down she took me by my hand and we went to the police. When we got there
she presents charges of sexual abuse to her little daughter´s father and her still
husband. In minutes, came a lot of women officers from sexual abuse unit.
They started to ask me a lot of questions that when I answered it in details
made my mother suffers a lot. That broke my heart, but I couldn´t stand it
anymore. They kept me at the police station in the meantime they took my
mother to identify that man at his parent´s house where they arrested him.
After they arrested him, in another police car they took my mother to look for
my sisters at their schools. My sisters came back so nervous because they
didn’t know what was happening. The police wanted to ask their some
questions too. Immediately they took my little sister to another room and took
my middle sister with me. When she looked at me she started to cry and she
sat on a corner of the floor in the room. She was crying, asking me what
happened. When I told her what happened to me, she started to cry
desperately. That made the police suspicious about her. When they asked her,
she told them that he didn´t do anything bad to her, but when they insisted she
told that she didn´t want that my parents suffer. I told her that if she didn´t tell
the truth he will go out and he wouldn´t get the right punishment of what he
had done. She put her head down and with her head she said that he abused
her too. My mother had attack she started to scream and cry. They had to get
her out of the room so my sister could talk. When they started to asked her the
details, she expressed that she didn´t talk because he threatened her about
hurting me and he told me the same thing about her. Monstrous tramp from
that man, we both suffered the same damage for the love of one for each other.
So they went to interrogate my little sister, but she told them that her father
never touched her. That was the longest day of my life. From there they took
us in a police car with the sexual abuse unit agents to the Medical Center to
get us a gynecological exam so the doctor could certified what we was telling
and they could make us some laboratory tests. Another sad part, we had to tell
everything again to the nurse and then to the doctor. This last one, she was
much compassionated about my story that she started to cry and she told me
that I could count on her to testify in the court, because she had never heard
something like that before. After that my mother got the results of the
laboratory tests, she was hoping that it was only superficial but sadly she got
the notice of the contrary so she started to cry again during hours. When we
got out of the doctor´s office she started to recriminated me why I didn´t talk
earlier, why I wait so long, and that made me felt more guilty and useless. The
laboratory tests made me feel humiliated and ashamed. We had to submit to
blood tests, urinalysis so they can check if there a possible pregnancy, or
hepatitis, AIDS, o any sexual transmission disease so they could even more
confirmed the guilty of our aggressor. Thank God all the tests came out
negative so it gave us a little peace. We were carried to the court, where they
could present the charges and a judge could put him a bail until the charges
introduction. Sadly, that day the judge gave him only a one thousand dollars
bail, that with only a hundred dollars he got out in freedom until the charges
introduction and another judge could decide if there any cause for arrest and
they could assign a date to the preliminary session. The judge gave us a
protection order, which avoid him to get close to our house or schools. His
parent´s house was near our home so we were terrified and we were absent for
school during many days. They also gave a protection order to my friend
because she will be a witness at court so that made me know that she was a
true friend. From there the paid her a taxi so she could go to her home. That
night when we got home we started to cry and we hug each other. My little
sister cried because she didn´t understand what was happening. My mother
lied to her telling her that someone tried to attack me. In her innocent mind
she believed it. We couldn´t get some sleep talking about the same thing. My
mother lately at night went out to a public telephone to call my father and told
him everything that happened. She came back crying because he blamed her
about everything. About half of hour he came to our home with his aunt and
he hugged us crying. He began to accuse my mother of not protecting us how
she had to. I separated from him and I told him that it wasn´t her fault. So he
asked my mother to forgive him and they hugged and cried together. My sister
and I hugged them trying to animate each other. Actually nothing could calm
or erase the pain that we were feeling and that made us impotent, but at the
same time kept us together. We looked like a family again, sadly unified by
the pain and the tragedy of our innocent lives. My father promised to stay
closer to us and take more care about us. That day I told my mother about how
hard I hated her because she didn´t separate from her husband before. How I
hated because she didn´t let me stay with my grandmother. She cried painfully
because I blamed her for my disgrace. Then she started to tell me her truth,
that terrible truth that we didn´t know about her. She was also a victim of that
evil man. She was also a slave of evil. She was obligated to have sexual
relations without her consent and trying to keep us apart of his vengeance she
suffered all kinds of abuses and humiliations. In that moment my whole world
crashed. I was been so unfair and selfish to her. But I still can´t forgive her for
been quiet. A few days later, the owner of our house came by to tell my
mother that we had to leave the house because somebody told her that we
accused that man of something so evil that she couldn´t believe. She
appreciated him so much that she wanted us to leave the house immediately.
She said that we were making an injustice with this man because he was
innocent and a good person. We got only one month to leave the house. My
mother started to cry and begged her to give us more time to leave. She didn´t
have any family or other place to go. But hardly and arrogant she said no and
she gave us only one month to leave. My mother felt in some kind of
depression. She passed all day in her bed crying and thinking how could she
move us and to where in a month. We asked my father for help, but because
my mother didn´t have any job only the welfare benefits, we couldn´t pay a
house bill so he couldn´t help us. My mother had to go to the court because of
the house issue and the judge gave her six months to find a new house and
move out the house. This decision gave us a little of peace in the meantime.
When days passed our neighbors started to know about our situation because
the police went to interview them for evidence to the court. Some of them
supported us but they didn´t want to testify at court. Others rejected us
pointing us as the bad ones and like he was the victim. It was so hard, because
sometimes when we went to the neighbor´s store they ran from us like we had
a contagious disease. To go to school without fear, my mother took us. We
woke up earlier, we took our little sister to school first, then my mother go
with us to our respective schools so as when we went out. After that one of my
boys best friends when we got out of school he walked with me to my house
and then he leaved to the city center to take public transportation to his house.
We suffered a lot because of the people´s cruelty, they weren´t merciful or
compassionated. We only shared a little with our front neighbors. A family
composed by a couple with six kids, two daughters and four sons. The older
son studied with me at school, the younger girl studied with my sister and one
of the younger kids studied with my little sister. They helped us a lot, the older
daughter had a car and she took us to go around and she was always buying
gifts to us. She didn´t knew in details what happened to us, but she likes us
very much. The older son was a very handsome guy whom I liked. But I was
so afraid of been hurt again and with all the problems in my head I can´t
thought that I could have a relationship or even love someone. When time
passed, one day he told me that I was in loved with me and even that he didn´t
knew what happened to me, he wanted to give me some happiness and I
believed him. The truth was that I was really scared of been near someone, but
at the same time I needed to feel that someone appreciate and love me. I
needed to feel that someone could accept me and could respect me. I needed
to know that I could be important to someone and that I was worth to
somebody. I needed to know there could be somebody that loves me for what
I was and not to use me like trash. I asked my mother if I could date him and
she thought it was a good idea for me to have some distraction and share with
somebody. But she told me to be aware of the gossips from the people,
because in court the defense will try to dishonor my reputation. They could be
trying to proof that I had sexual relations already with some else and I was
blaming my mother´s husband. So we couldn´t go out alone, but it didn´t
matter to us because it was a pure and beautiful relationship. We were happy
even if we were in a crowd, because we only needed each other to be happy.
His love in that moment helped me a little to understand that not everyone was
bad. During the romance was rising, my mother was doing some diligences to
find us a new house to live. Then Christmas came and we received a lot of
presents from our neighbor family. But we also had a lot of necessities. The
root of the house was that man, and now we only had the nutritional assistance
from the government and wasn´t enough to my mother to pay all the bills.
Sometimes we went to sleep without eat. Then my mother found a job, doing
the ironing for some rich people, it wasn´t too much so she couldn´t by us
some new clothes neither Christmas presents. Then our neighbors including
my boyfriend the got together and gave us as presents some beautiful clothes
and accessories to use in the Christmas´ Eve and New Year´s Eve so we could
celebrate with their families. They gave us some beautiful dresses to my sister
and I. So my mother could buy some clothes to my sister and her. We went to
our neighbor´s family house to celebrate the Christmas festivities. Some days
before the New Year´s Eve we had to go to the court to testify for the charges
presentation session. That day we were very nervous because we will see him
face to face again. When we arrived they told us that he hired the best lawyer
in the entire city, so my mother worried too much. When we went to the court
room the sexual abuse unit agent testified first and then I did. The judge made
me a lot of questions. There were eighteen charges, from minor acts to
violation. When I finished, the defense lawyer object and told the judge that I
didn´t testified completely and that my sister was waiting to testify. So my
sister testified and the judge interrupted her and he said it was enough to him.
To him it was too much and he asked the defense lawyer to give his
conclusion statement. The lawyer spoke, asking the judge for mercy to that
man because he was too sick, he was poor and an innocent man. He added that
his client wanted to quit to his right to remain in silence and he wanted to
testify to the judge. The judge gave him the opportunity to express himself and
he started telling I was always against his marriage with my mother. He said
that I always making their lives impossible. He said also that I was an insane
teenager that wanted to have a lot of boyfriends at one time and he was just
trying to educate and discipline me. He said at last that in revenge I was telling
that lies about him. However he said that my sister was a good girl and he
didn´t have any complains about her. Then the judge asked him that if my
sister was a good girl why he abused her too? After those words the judge said
he couldn´t be merciful in front of that kind of indignation that he felt about
what happened to us so he declare a bail of 540 thousand dollars without the
right to pay the ten percent of it. He couldn´t pay so he was translated to jail
and the judge assigned the date for the preliminary session for what we all
were registered to. On that day, we went out very happy, we just won the first
battle of that war. That man was translated to the prison, so we had a good
reason to celebrate the New Year coming by that we hope it will be better. We
went with our neighbors to celebrate de New Year´s Eve and some minutes
before midnight my mother wanted to go back to the house. She was nostalgic
and melancholic so she started to cry and my sisters and I did the same. When
some days passed, the police officers told us that in jail the prisoners took
revenge against that man and he was brutally beaten and abused and he was at
the hospital. We couldn´t believe it. No matter what had happened and all the
things that he done to me, I felt sorry for him because of what happened to
him even I hated him so much. I just wanted him to pay what he did to us in
jail. But here in prison the laws are different and whoever abuses a women,
girl or old lady pays terrible consequences. In that horrible place the prisoners
punished them in the same way, abuse for abuse. When the festivities passed,
my mother continued with the diligences to find a new house. In a subsidiary
project from the government gave her hopes of having an apartment in two
weeks. But it was all a lie and they didn´t gave us the apartment. My mother
had spent all her sources. The desperation came again to our lives. The due
date to leave the house was coming to its end. So my mother went to the
Social Services (now called Family Department) to tell them our situation and
asked them to help us with a home. But instead of it they told her that we
should go to an abuse women refuge. That place allowed abused women with
their children. In which, the only with space in that moment was so far and we
had to move there and took us from school and we couldn´t communicate with
anyone of our families or friends. And also because I was eighteen years old I
couldn´t stayed with my mother so they will send me to a foster home until I
become an adult or my mother found a new adequate house to us. My mother

don´t want another frustration for us especially for me and she denied the
offer. She don´t want us to separate again. Because of her denial the Social
Services warned my mother that if the due date to leave the house came and
my mother had found a secure place to house they will come and took us out
of the house and send us to substitute home. My mother got crazy and went
out of that office very disappointed from whom supposed to help families in
crisis to kept them unite however they were trying to separate us. Every night
went to sleep crying, praying God to remember us and help us. I questioned
God, why he made me talked to have no home now and we will be separated.
Two weeks before the due date, an uncle of my mother´s that we didn´t see for
years came by to our home to tell us that my father went to ask him if we
could stay with him until we found a house. He said he had one empty room
and we could stay there until we could find a new place. My mother started to
cry of happiness so there us. God listened to us. Immediately my father took
our furniture to my grandmother´s house to keep it there and he took us to our
new place. It was a little far from our school, but we will be safe and calm. My
boyfriend promised me that he will visit me there and so he did it. Everything
seems to fine and getting better. Until one day my boyfriend came by
desperate and worried telling that in the basketball court that he used to play
with his friends, some guys came to threatened him. They told him that if he
didn´t stay away from me they will hurt his little siblings. He was worried
because he said that he loves me and didn´t want to leave me but he was
worried about his family. I understood him so I asked him to stay away from
me and that was the last time that I saw him. Live beats me again. I was very
disappointed with my life and then I was alone again. The most important
thing in that moment was to keep my boyfriend and his family save and out of
my problems. There was a lot of anger in my heart, more resent and more
sorrow in my life. Everything was stolen from me. Everything was taken from
me. My innocence, my purity, my grandfather, my first love, my house, the
emotional health of my mother and now this new friend with whom I was
very happy. But that was my destiny. God sent me to this world to suffer.
Why? Why me? What I did wrong? Why I deserve this? I thought that God
got the wrong person. I was a good person. Why I had so much suffering and
sadness? God made a mistake with my life. I just asked him to be happy. And
He made a mistake and made me suffer again. He was unfair with me. I had
all this thoughts about God. I had no faith, I didn´t believe in anything or
anyone. That made me real depress. I was never the same person, I was rebel,
I didn´t care about anything. There was nothing interesting for me, because
there was nothing precious or valuable in life anymore. Everything valuable
and precious in my life was stolen from me or I lost it. When some weeks
passed away, I went to my ex-boyfriend´s house to give him some stuff that
belonged to him and I had it. I was waiting outside for him to came out, when
his ex-girlfriend came by to pick him up. He didn´t know I was outside and
when he came out his face change totally and I realized that everything about
the threaten story was the perfect excuse to reconcile with his ex-girlfriend.
On that day I hated more all men. I cursed the day that the first one came to
my life. I was so mad with myself for believing in love, for been so silly and
dumb. Love didn´t exists; it was a lie that it can only be real in the fairy tales.
Everything in the world was pain, suffering, betrayal, sadness, sorrow,
depression, hate, lie, abandon and evil. Nothing in the world mattered for me
anymore, nothing was worth enough. I had no hope anymore. Everything was
stolen from me. I had lost everything in my life. Since I was born, I began to
suffer and the suffering wasn´t over yet. I was just eighteen years and I all that
I had suffered until then. When I broke the silence about the abuse that I was
submitted it was not everything. My life stills the same, free from slavery and
evil, but with the same sorrow and with the same loneliness. I was born to be
alone and sad. God had made a mistake when he said in the Bible that he gave
a new life and joy. I had never experiment happiness in my life. God had
made a mistake with me. I was totally changed, my mother told me that I was
different and so I was. The cute person full of illusions and hopes for life, the
one that could love, was dead. There was just the lonely spirit of one person
without soul or heart, without illusions or hopes to live. I only thought in
vengeance, in hate, in no forgiveness and let nobody to hurt me again. My
only thought was to have no mercy or compassion with anyone. No one had
compassion or mercy with me ever. I didn´t knew the word compassion or
mercy. My rebellion was so huge that in my classroom one guy challenged me
to take the armed forces entry test (ASVAB) and I was so offended with his
challenge that I took the test with him. Some weeks later I will receive the
results. About a month later, one day I was walking from school to the
downtown and a red car slowdown and passed by and a guy said me goodbye.
When I looked over it was my first boyfriend there, and my heart stop and the
beat a thousand for a second. But instantly my rebellion and arrogance won
me and I ignored him cruelly and without compassion nor mercy. When I got
home, I told it to my mother and she reprimanded me. Then I walked to the
bakery near home with my sister and when we came out someone in a red
parked car called me by my name. I was too nervous and we walked fast. We
were so scared that it could be someone that wanted to hurt us. Suddenly,
someone came out of the car and called me again and my sister looked back. It
was my ex-boyfriend, my first boyfriend. My sister told me it was him. I
looked back and he asked nicely to talk to him and I said to him that I had
nothing to talk with him. He asked me again to listen to him, so I listened to
him. He started to ask me how I was and why we were on that place, if we live
near there and I answered him yes, that we moved out there. He asked me why
we moved there I told him that my mother had left her husband and she was in
the divorce process. He asked me what had happen to me because I looked
different and I told him that I was another person. He started to tell me that he
was a different person too, he told me about his new life and that he had knew
the Lord. He told me that he was in Church, he was a musician and that he
was totally changed. I didn´t understand a single word of what he was talking
about. He asked me why I didn´t want to receive his letters and I asked him
about what letters he was talking about. I told him that I wrote him a lot of
letters and he didn´t answered one. He told me that he didn´t received letters
from me and all the letters that he sent to me came back to him with a stamp
which said that no one with that name lived at that address. So we figured out
that something strange had happened. My sister came back running telling that
I had a call from someone of the armed forces because my test results have
arrived. He asked me if I will join the armed forces and I said yes, that I was
considering joining it. He asked me that before I leave he could talk to me first
in other place. I gave him my phone number but I didn´t expect him to call
me. When my mother knew it she was very happy because she thought that we
were going to reconcile and I said no, because I didn´t trust him anymore, I
didn´t trust anyone. I passed the armed force entry test. I was the only one
from my school that passed it. So I decided to join the National Guard and get
the hell out of there. I want to run from everything and everyone. I wanted to
challenge myself and prove me how strong I really was. This process took
some time; I had to pass some physical tests, medical tests, English test and
exhaustive investigation. In the meantime that insistent young man began to
call me. We spent hours at the phone talking. He talked to me about God, a
whole different God of what I had met. He talked to me about a loving God, a
forgiver God, full of mercy, love, compassion, kindness and justice. He told
me that this God died for me in a cross. He died for me. How could it be, if no
one had done anything for me? Like the Bible said in Mathew 18:11 “For the
Son of man came to save that which was lost.” In many occasions he talked to
me like someone had told him what happened to me and that made me scared.
That made me think that maybe that God that he spoke about was real and he
had the power to know my condition. Really this guy didn´t know anything.
God himself was speaking through him and I didn´t notice. One day he asked
me to go out with him to talk. We began to talk about the past. And he told me
that he wrote me and he showed me all the letters and all the things that I gave
to him and he kept them like some treasure to him. I felt so guilty because I
destroyed all the things he gave to me. I told that to him and asked me why. I
told him about the letter when I dated him to meet me at the shopping mall
and he never went. He said that he didn´t received that letter. So talking and
talking we got to the conclusion that my stepfather was a close friend with the
mailman that worked in my neighborhood. So it seems to be that he didn´t
mail him my letters and he turned back his letters like we didn´t wanted it or
we didn´t live there. He asked me to forgive him, for not visit me at school,
because he thought that I ended with him and he was afraid to bother me. He
asked me to forgive him for not been with me in all my problems and
suffering and I said that I didn´t know if I could forgive him. He didn´t know
all that I suffered after I saw him the last time and he wasn´t with me when I
needed him the most. I told him about what happened with my other boyfriend
and he felt sorry about that. He told me that he had a girlfriend and was going
to marry her but he regretted. Something let him think that she wasn´t the
woman that he need to marry with and has a family and children. So when he
found me again after three years he figured out that God wanted us together. I
said him that I didn´t want to get back with him because I didn´t love him
anymore. Actually I didn´t knew what I really feel. I didn´t want to express or
let others see my real feelings. I was hiding behind a armor. So when I got
home I started to cry because I felt that I still love him, that I never stop loving
him, that I always kept a hope of see him again. I felt to run and hug him and
forget about everything. Let him to comfort me and make me believe in love
again. I felt that even it has been three long years, my heart beat stronger for
him and that what the love I felt for him it couldn´t stay in my heart because it
was so huge and now it was larger and stronger. Although I was been hurt in
the deepest of my heart I couldn´t stop loving him. My heart was so hurt and I
was so confused and scared about suffering again. But time passed and life
started to shine for us a little. My mother got help from the city government
for a new house. So this young man helped us to move out because he didn´t
lost the hope of conquest my heart again. Then one day, when I was out with
my teacher and some friends. He went to my house to talk with my mom
about his feelings and his new life. When I came back, he was there and he
asked me if he could visit me as friends and I accepted. My mother asked me
to think straight. She told me that he had changed a lot and if after three years
he was there it was because he really loves me. I didn´t know what to do. I
was so much hate, resent, sadness and sorrow in my heart that it blinded me
and I couldn´t see what my heart really felt. Some weeks passed away and my
graduation was close and before that event in my school they made an Awards
Evening in which they awarded and recognized the honor society students and
the most distinguished students. I don´t know why I invited him and I asked
him to give an invitation to my father and my grandmother too. The big day
was close and I didn´t have an appropriate dress to wear so I decided not to
go. I didn´t want to worry my mom with more expenses so I could participate.
My best friend told that to my school teacher and through some school funds,
the social worker of my school took me to buy me a beautiful dress and my
teacher buy me the accessories. The only thing that my mother bought me was
the shoes.
The big day came and I was very happy and excited after a long time. I
dressed up and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt pretty again like
anything despicable had happen to me. I felt beautiful if I still had the most
precious thing about me. I admired myself in the mirror and I saw how my
face had changed and how the shine and the light of my life had disappeared. I
opened a drawer when I hid a picture of my first boyfriend and I looked at it
and I felt tender. Then I looked myself in the mirror and I saw a sparkle of
love in my face. There was a lot of emotions and feelings ones against others,
I didn´t know what to do. When this young man came to pick me up, he told
me that I looked beautiful and I felt again like a princess. I felt like Cinderella.
The sad girl that was abused and for one night she became a princess. He
walked me to his car to show me that he brings with him my grandmother. My
aunt will arrive there with my father. So we drove there and when I saw my
aunt I asked her about my father and she told me that he won´t come and that
he said that he will be celebrating for me, drinking of course. I felt very sad
for a moment, but that young man told not to cry and enjoy that evening
because that was my evening. So I did it. I got medals from some courses that
I got A in all three years of high school. I received an award for improvement
called “Julia de Burgos” and also an award called “Maximum Improvement”
from the President of the United States. To finish the activity they will give
the Greatest Award of the Awards Evening, called the “Faculty Award”, when
they pronounced the name of the winner, it was me, I couldn´t believe it.
Everyone stepped up and cheered me and my mom was very happy and she
told me to go there because it was me, I was the winner.

Then that young man took my hand and he told me: “go it is for you”. I was
walked in like a princess. And when I got there they gave a beautiful trophy, a
certificate, a medal and an envelope. They said at the microphone that because
of been the greatest award of the night I could speak for sixty seconds. When I
got in front of the podium I looked at the crowd and like in my whole life and
all my important moments I didn´t find my father, just my mother smiling at
me like always with tears in her eyes, feeling proud of me. So I started thank
first God, then to the teacher and the school personnel that bought me the
clothes to participate in the activity, I congratulated my classmates and
friends. And for last, I dedicated my award to my mother for been with me
always and sacrificed herself for me. Then I walked to her and started to cry
with her. When I opened the envelope there was a one hundred dollars check
and I gave it to her so she could by the gas for the kitchen stove because we
didn´t have one so she could cook to us. Then the graduation day came and
that young man was with me there too. It was a very emotive graduation, in it
I had the honor to pronounce the dedicatory of the graduation and that made
feel important. The prom night came and that young man was with me again.
In this day they will choose the king and queen of the prom and as a surprise
for me my classmates chose me as the prom queen. The insignificant and not
so popular girl now was the prom queen. I couldn´t believe it, as a surprise to
me I was more loved and appreciated than I expected. It was very excited,
they put me a crown and I really felt like a queen.

Although my dress was borrowed, on that day I felt like a princess with her
charming prince when I was dancing with prom king. I felt loved, appreciated,
my classmates chose me. I felt pretty with that beautiful crown on my head
spinning around at the dance floor and everybody cheered at me. I danced like
I never did before and I enjoyed that night meanwhile the young man was
watching at me because he didn´t want to dance. Some weeks after that, he
came to my house to told me that his father decided to go to the United States
and maybe he will going with him. In that moment my whole world fell apart.
I was close to lose him again if I didn´t do something. Love was standing in
front of me and I will let it go. I was refusing to have the chance to be happy
again, to believe in love again and to be loved again. I had a lot of thoughts in
my mind. And I couldn´t stand it and I asked him to stay. He told me that he
will have to leave because he didn´t have anyone here. I couldn´t hold it and I
told him that he had me. Because no matter how much I tried to refused it to
myself, I didn´t stop loving him. I just needed some time to trust again, to trust
him again and to trust myself again. I just asked him to be patient with me
because I had suffered a lot and it was difficult for me to trust in love again
and only asked him to not let me suffer again. He told me that he will stay and
will give me all the time that I need and then I could decide if want to accept
him as my boyfriend again. So in June 14 of 1998 I said yes. That day the
happiness came back to my life. The illusions came back to my life again,
although I didn´t feel totally well. My heart still kept some secrets and a
terrible past that hurts me but the happiness was coming to my door giving me
the chance to trust in love again.

So I trust in the illusions again, I trusted in love and I trusted life. For me now
life has sense again. Now I found the hopes for living. I could understand that
it wasn´t all suffering for me. I needed to feel loved and respected. I needed to
feel important and valuable. I didn´t know what future will bring to me, I was
just happy living that moment.

I didn´t asked life for anything else, only the opportunity to be happy, to love
and been loved for the first time for how I was and what I was, not for my past
or my circumstances nor what I had become. There was someone that loved
me seeking in me the beautiful thing that I couldn´t see inside me. In my
inside and outside I couldn´t see anything valuable or pretty. But he did, he
saw something pretty on me and that made me want to wake up every day to a
new sunlight. We reconciled after three years. Three years in which he
couldn´t imagine all that I had to live and how I survived. Three years in
which I passed the saddest, humiliate and devastate situation that any human
being could experiment. Especially any teenager or woman could experiment.
Three years that transformed me in a totally different person, a person that
hides behind an armor to protect herself from pain and cruelty. Three years
that buried the young girl that he felt in love with. Now he had the challenge
of finding in the deepest part of my devastated being, the soul of that young
girl that was destroyed by life and evil. A girl that become into a tough and
non-expressive human being. A young girl without almost any self-esteem and
little appreciation of herself, incapable of understand that there was mercy,
compassion, love, clemency and justice in the world. A girl incapable to
understand that God don´t makes mistakes and he loved her before she born.
That God was in the business and he used an instrument of himself. Someone
that for everybody else could be just a teenager, but in my life was very
important and through that person God reveals to my life. This young man,
now my boyfriend invited me to his Church. Everything there was so strange
to me, I had never visited a Church even a catholic or traditional. Although my
mother was a server of God in her adolescence and she taught us about God´s
word. She taught us about there was a God and how he created world, for me
it was difficult to understand it because we never went to church. My
circumstances showed me the other face of the coin in life. So it was so
difficult to me to understand what a church was, what was God and how they
were useful in my life. Even all that I went with him to that beautiful place
and all the people in there knew about me. My boyfriend told them about me.
I met his friends or comrades like he called them. I met his pastors and his
colleagues from the music ministry band that played at the Church service. I
met a lot of people, they all hugged me and kissed me like if there knew me
and loved from all my life. That brought me some attention. So much love
for someone they just meet. It was a place that you could breathe peace and
where you could felt something out of this world. I kept join my boyfriend to
that peaceful and lovely place. When I heard the messages that they spoke
there, I started to feel the need of tell someone my deepest secrets, my past,
which chased me and scared me. My boyfriend told me once that when we
accomplished our six months of relation he wanted to give me a compromise
ring and assign a date for our wedding in the future. In the moment I was so
happy and excited, that was what I mostly want. Marry to my first love, my
first boyfriend, the love of my life. That young man that in three years never
stops loving me. But then I got sad and depress because I was so scared, if he
knows the truth and reject me. I had lost my virginity. I wasn´t a lady that
could marry in a white dress and with a veil like all the brides do. After a lot
of thinking, I decided to tell him my truth, that truth that embarrassed me so

much and made me keep quiet. The sad truth that burned me from the inside
and don´t let me live in peace. So after a couple months of relationship I told
him everything that happened to me during the last six years of my life. I also
gave him the chance that if this truth made him feel different about me and he
wanted to leave I will leave him alone so he could be happy with someone
else. I told him my whole truth with tears in my eyes; he was the first person
that I talked about my past. When I finished, silence covered that place where
we were. His eyes were full of tears and then he hugged me. And when he
could speak, I heard the most beautiful words I ever heard. Words full of
tender in which he confirmed me his true and unconditional love. He told me
that from that moment he loved me more for my courage and strength. He
demonstrated me that he truly loved me. He demonstrated me that I could be
loved and accepted how I was and my past wasn´t an obstacle for me to be
happy and have a family. His words gave me some relieve. Actually I didn´t
want to lose him, I loved him very much. But for me his happiness was the
most important thing so I would accept his decision of leave if he considered

me worthless because of my past. But he didn´t leave me. So I continued
assisting to his church on Fridays and Sundays. One day he told me that if in
any moment I want to pass to the front to receive God as my savior that I
should do it because it will help me a lot. I explained to him that first I had to
get out of my heart all the resent and hate that I felt before serving God. It was
a serious step for me. I can still remember his certain words, he told me that I
couldn´t do that for myself. He told me that God was the only one that could
do it if I let him. His church moved to another place, a bigger place. A place
that was so destroyed but with the hard work of everyone they transformed it
in the most beautiful temple everyone could ever saw. In the inauguration
they invited different preachers and one of them was very famous they called
him the dead alive because God gave life after few hours of been declared
dead. He spoke about the story of his life. He had a tragic life and that made
understand that in the road there were some people in the same condition as
me or worse. I understood that I wasn´t the only who suffered in life. And I
understood that there are people with the same situations or more difficult
ones. He told us about how God transformed his life in an amazing way for
everyone there especially for me. I felt that God was talking directly to me.
Everything that he spoke about was so similar to my life. And everything that
he needed was what I needed in my life. That was I needed a transformation, a
change, something different, something special that could full my empty and
desolate heart. I needed someone that could heal my wounds and helped me to
leave behind my complaints and my fears. I needed someone who
demonstrated me the true love. I needed someone who helped me to
understand the reason of my suffering and helped me to forgive and take out
of my life all the things that disturbed me. So I get down my head and I started
to cry and my boyfriend asked if I want to go to the front with him so they
could pray for me. I walked with him to the front that they called the altar in
which you could feel something different, something supernatural that I
couldn´t understand. That man asked that everyone that wishes to receive the
Lord in their hearts raise their hands. Without a thought I raised my hand and
that day my life changed forever. I felt something in my heart that I can´t
explain with words. It was really something supernatural, something that any
human being could do. I felt how peace filled my life and how when my tears
went out my eyes I felt like something was cleaning and purified me. I felt
how from someone impure, dirty and insignificant.
I was becoming someone pure, clean and someone with purpose. “in whom
also we were made a heritage, having been foreordained according to the

purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his will; to the end
that we should be unto the praise of his glory, we who had before hoped in
Christ:” like said in Ephesians 1:11,12. That day I began to understand that
God never makes mistakes. My life had another sense, my life wasn´t a
mistake. My life was taking another path and it will be never the same. On
that day I felt that I will be never alone again. I felt that I will never want to
die again. Because there was someone who died to give me life, to give me
happiness, peace and the love that I was looking for and I needed so much.
There was someone that from heaven left his throne of Glory and died for me
in the cavalry cross because he loved me. Because he saw the beauty that I
couldn´t saw in me. God could see his purpose accomplished in me. My life
now had a purpose. I found the true love, that love that fills the emptiness of
my heart. Immediately my thoughts changed. The appreciation of myself
began to change. God started to work with my heart, transforming it from a
stone heart to a flesh heart. It happened to some point that one day without
noticing it, the hate and the resent in my heart just disappeared. Now
forgiveness, mercy and compassion filled my heart. Without noticing it I
could forgive that man that hurt me so much. I could felt compassion about
him and I could understand that his actions were because he didn´t had God in
his life. I could forgive my father for his abandon and indifference. I could
forgive my mother who I blamed for my tragedy understanding that she was a
victim of the circumstances too, and no matter what happened she was always
with me because she loved me. I could forgive myself for holding so much
suffering and so much pain. I could forgive myself for blaming for what
happened; I could forgive myself for feeling less than anyone and rejected
myself. I could forgive myself for feel that I was worthless. I could forgive
myself for rejected God, for questioned him and blamed him for my shame
and I could forgive myself for feeling guilty of my family´s disgrace. I could
start loving myself and valuate myself. I understood that I was a perfect
creation of God. Now I had become a daughter of God and for that I was
someone with value. He put his life in a cross to give me salvation. He did that
to heal me through his wound and paid for my sins and gave me the eternal
life. God began to make a huge transformation in my life. Even today I can´t
understand his miracles. While days passed I could saw the blessing from God
to my life. I started to know that God that my boyfriend tried to introduced
me. I could found the truth and understood that I had a purpose in this world. I
could understand that I was a miracle of God. My attitude of seen things
changed my talking, my dressing and my manners too. The things that I did
before I didn´t do anymore. The things that gave me pleasure before there
were no more interesting for me. Those things just gave happiness for a while
but God gave joy that didn´t finish and peace like no one could give me. Time
passed away and the preliminary session day came but now I didn´t go alone
Christ went with me. He gave the strength necessary to testified all that
cavalry again. And we won; the judge dictated probable cause to go to trial.
So I began to look for answers in God´s word. And his word restored me; it
healed and reconstructed my life so amazingly. Months passed and my
boyfriend gave a beautiful compromise ring in the Saint Valentine´s Day,
February 14 of 1999 when we had eight months of relationship. On that day I

became his fiancée. I was so happy and excited because it confirmed his love
to me. It was a very special day; I could share it with my love ones and
friends. So I decided to quit the armed forces because now my plans changed.
I wanted to serve God, I wanted to have my baptism, I wanted to study in
College, I wanted to get marry and have a family.

I needed those things to feel complete in life, complete as a human being and
complete as a woman. We started to pray to God so he could guide us in all
our plans of marriage. Marriage was our most valuable wish, but we wanted to
do it in God´s will. Some months passed and God confirmed us our
relationship and we began our plans to get marry. I was studying in my first
year of college in Engineering and I had a part time job. My fiancée was in his
senior high school year and he was also doing his specialty practice. Both of
us with our part time jobs started to buy and prepare our dream wedding. Few
months later my fiancée graduated from high school, that made feel so proud
of him because he went through a lot of things too and he was close to failed
his classes and I helped him so he could improve his grades and graduate. On
his graduation he came by to pick me up early so I could go with him. When
we went there his mother didn´t came and he was so sad. When it was his turn
to get his diploma he looked at the crowd and I stood up and cheered at him
and I made him smile. But then the enemy wanted to disturb the work of God
and his will with our lives. Only a couple months before the wedding, my
future father in law flew to the United States. Because he had my fiancée´s
custody he asked my future mother in law to sign the papers so we could get
marry and she said yes. Everything seems to be perfect, but then we knew that
she was talking that she will not sign the papers because she wasn´t agree with
our wedding. We didn´t know what to either do or think. I felt very sad and
rejected again. That hurt me very much, I loved my fiancée so much and I just
wanted to make him happy. I wanted to live with him for the rest of my life,
but apparently she didn´t understand that. The sadness came back again to our
lives. I was so sad and my mother was worried about me, she thought that I
will depress again. About a couple of weeks later, my future father in law
came back for surprise. Someone had called him to tell him that I left his son
and because of that he was using drugs and sleeping at the streets. He was
desperate, he wanted to find him and because of that he came back to Puerto
Rico. He went to my house and when he talked to my mother, she told him
that everything was a lie. My mother told him that we were very happy
together and that my fiancée was working and he will get soon an increase in
his pay. She told him about our problem with the marriage papers. So they
consulted us about the idea of getting married at court before the church
wedding. So he could sign the papers, before he fly again to the United States.
We will remain in our homes and respecting each other until the church
wedding because it was the most important thing to us. We consulted to our
pastors and they approved our plans. Our parents prepared everything. In one
week we got marry at court, a ceremony that neither my father nor my mother
in law assisted.
At my nineteen years old I got marry with the love of my life. It was a
beautiful day for us. While the details of the church wedding continued. In the
weeks after with found a little house to rent and that added more expenses to
us. We were counting with my father in law help; he promised to us that he
will pay for the wedding offer that included my wedding dress, my fiancée´s
tuxedo and some other things. So we used all our incomes to prepare the
house that will be our future home and other wedding things. One month
before the church wedding my father in law told us that he couldn´t pay the
offer because he had some financial problems. When we saw that we didn´t
had the money to pay all the things that we need to the wedding we were very
sad and depress. So we decided to cancel our church wedding and go straight
to our house and began our life together. God knew that we were already
married and that we respected each other. We talked to our pastors so the day
before that we were assign to the wedding in the church service they bless our
relation and marriage so we could go to live together as a couple in a simple
ceremony just to receive God´s blessing. We canceled everything, the escort,
the reception and the wedding offer. I didn´t had a wedding dress to the
ceremony of our marriage and because I didn´t had any money to buy or rent
one I decided to use my wedding party dress. I didn´t had neither a crown nor
a veil neither flowers but I was happy because God will bless our marriage
and that was the only important to me. Our wedding honor couple decided to
prepare to us a little party so after the church service we could celebrate with
them in their house. The big day came and when I arrived to the church in the
moment of the ceremony someone called me to go to the back of the church
and as a surprise they have for me a borrowed crown that I could use it and a
flower bouquet. They also gave me a ring pillow. When I was ready to walk
through the hall to the altar someone was missing, my father he didn´t came to
escort me to my fiancée. The most important day in my life and my father
didn´t came. So I started to cry. When my fiancée waited for me and he saw
that I wasn´t there he went to the back of the church looking for me and when
he saw me crying he took my hand and we walked together to the altar. That
day we changed the wedding traditions. Our pastor spoke a few words about
us and he declared us husband and wife as we wish. We received God´s
blessing, with traded the rings and at the end we kissed as a sign of the pact
sealing in front of God. When the ceremony finished, the church´s members
had made a collect to give us some money as a gift to start our life together.
We went to reception party and they prepared to us a beautiful wedding cake.

We had the wedding toast and we share with all the people that we loved and
care about. Sadly we couldn´t have wedding photos only a home video of this
special occasion. Because we didn´t had money to a honeymoon we went
straight to our new home. And there our love was consummated in the most
beautiful and delicate way as any recently marriage couple expects. Although
it wasn´t easy for me God allowed my husband to be the most tender, lovely
and patient person in the world. He helped to drop myself completely to love
without fears or complaints, been just myself. And that night I was loved and
accepted by my husband without conditions. And now our life together began.
Now there were not two only one flesh like the Bible said in Genesis 2:24
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto
his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” There was no more he and me now it is
us. It wasn´t easy to us knew each other as a couple. It wasn´t easy to us
understand our personality differences. But God was in the center of our
marriage and our lives so we could go on. A couple of months later, I had my
water baptism. It was the most beautiful experience in the life of any
Christian. On that day I could felt literally how my sins, my past and my
suffering were dropped at the bottom of the sea. My case stills in the court and
the trial day came after a lot of cancelling. That man asked through his lawyer
to have an arrangement so he could declare himself guilty. That event made
me understand that God was doing justice. We accepted the arrangement
giving him the chance that his sentence could be lower. God had changed my
heart and forgave him so I didn´t need anything else. I just asked God that
allowed him to meet the mercy of the Lord so he could be sorry of what he
had done and that his daughter (my little sister) don´t hate him when she find
out the truth. He was sentenced to fifteen years of prison in which he will only
need to accomplish five years and the rest he could complete it in approbatory.
For me it was enough knowing that he recognized his guilt and that I was
telling the truth. Some months of marriage passed and we wanted a baby.
Having a baby for me was to felt myself complete as a woman and wife. But
months passed and couldn´t got pregnant and it started to depress me. The
enemy tried to made fun of me reminding me the words that evil man told me
once. He told me that I will never be happy because I will never be a mother.
God stood me up and showed me his love. Everything will come on its time.
There were almost eleven years after that and I´m keep waiting on the Lord´s
promise of a baby. Our marriage was not easy. We tried to overcome the
different problems that couple´s had. I tried to overcome all my past and
understand that I wasn´t guilty of what happened to me. I tried to understand
that intimal relations could be beautiful between two human beings that loved
each other and respect each other. I had been through ups and downs, health
and sickness, happiness and sadness, depressions and discouragements
because we are human beings. I was victim of a car crash in which I could
die. I received a lot of shocks in my head and I was medical treated because of
the hard headaches I had until God healed me. There were just superficial
shocks none hematomas were found on the tests. God had stood me up with
his mercy and his love. He will accomplish his purpose in my life. It had been
very difficult to me overcome the trouble of not having babies, because I like
children. The love that I felt for children leaded me to work with children. I
like to be surrounded of children. The most beautiful thing is that I discovered
this vocation at God service, teaching bible school.
God had given to me a lot of blessings that I have to share with you. He had
given to me so many talents that I didn´t thought ever I could have. God gave
me the opportunity to be a youth leader at church. He gave the opportunity to
teach at bible school to teenagers, youth and children. I got back to college
after three years because anything I studied before filled me. I dedicated part
of my life to study elemental education. In that time I was studying and
working in the day care.
It was very hard for me to study, work and maintain my home at the same
time. It was so hard that I got out of college because it didn´t provide me
options to studying at nights. A little time after that, I found a college that
brought me the option of studying at night. After a lot of thinking I decided to
apply and transferred to that new college. When I got transferred I change my
minor. All that minor changes were because of my insecurity. We moved and
we decided to take with us one of my husband´s niece. During the same time I
got a new job offer. That job offer was in a whole new environment but it
offered me a better pay. There were a lot of changes at the same time in my
life. During the time I was a teacher aid in the day care I was loved from some
wonderful children that made my life happy. Those children gave sense to my
life; I could exercise my vocation of teaching children. But I want to progress
economically. When I started in my new job, in my new college and with the
little girl in my house I started to get irritated because of all the pressure. I
was so hard for me. I had more loading that I could handle. Adding to all that
we were victims of injustice in our church. And because of spiritual
inexperience and the conformism of just going to church thinking that it was
enough we couldn´t overcome the persecution. We couldn´t understand that
anybody was perfect and also that to church went any kind of people. We
were very disappointed and we abandoned the church and God too. In my job
I was victim of terrible humiliations. Anything that I did my boss liked it. He
insulted me in front of everybody making me felt like I was useless. In

college I was very good I could improve my grades. The little girl improved
her grades at school too. But my marriage began to be affected because of the
pressures.
All the stress made me be irritated all the time. My personality is hard to
manage because of the circumstances that I went through. When I converted
to God my personality changed a lot. With God´s help I could controlled my
anger and my negative impulses. I had more tolerance, patience and I learned
to talk. But when I leaved God the old creature began to reborn in me again.
My marriage started to change. We argued because of everything, we yelled at
each other. I began to feel my husband´s reject. He was totally indifferent
with me. At the beginning he was very sweet and he had a lot of details with
me. What was happening? What happened about the enormous love that we
had each other? What about the love that we swore to each other in the altar in
front of God? His personality started to change even his expressions. We
didn´t talked anymore. He didn´t told me that he loved me anymore.
Everything had changed in my house. He began to go out with “friends” and
he came back at sunrise. He spent all his money out of the house so my money
wasn´t enough to pay the bills. I had to bring back my new car to the bank
because I couldn´t pay it. The little girl began to get affected because of our
fights. I felt drown in so many things that my personality began to get worse. I
was always in bad humor and angry. We began to have big and serious
discussions in which each other expressed hate to the other. What was
happening? It was supposed that we will be together in good and bad. What
happen now that came the bad moments? I didn´t understand. We didn´t had
intimacy like always. He hardly looked at me or touched me. What was
happening? Was there someone else? But how could it be? If he loved me so
much and I was always there for him. Those were the questions that
surrounded my mind day after day. There came the important dates like
anniversary, saint valentine´s day and birthday and he didn´t had a detail to
me. There weren´t more pretty words to me or love expressions. Something
had changed. What? Why? Some months later, the jewelry where I worked
was assaulted and I saw the thieves and I identified them. This action got me
sick in a critical state. I had to be treated through the State Secure Fund
Corporation for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. This diagnosis couldn´t let me
work anymore. After that it was then an Acute Stress Disorder and they
prescribed me a lot of anti-depressants and medications for the panic´s attacks.
My emotional health decreased a lot and was sleeping all day. I didn´t want to
go back to work so I quit my job. Things got worse. Every time that I had to
go to court to testify in the robbery case I was alone because my husband

didn´t want to go with me. That hurt me so bad because I was so scared of
going alone. His indifference was so huge that it seems that nothing was
important to him anymore. I felt living with a roommate, not with my
husband. I felt that the sweet and lovely man that I had married was gone. His
face lost his brightness and the joy that characterized him. Some weeks later,
seeking in his cell phone I noticed that he had received some love text
messages and phone calls from another woman. It destroyed completely my
life. I couldn´t believe it.

The man and love of my life, in which I had trusted. To whom I brought all
my life and swore to loved me and promised not hurt me. Had a lover! That
was the most disturbing news of my life. He denied it completely. Until he got
no choice and he had to confess “all” to me. He asked me to forgive him and I
forgave him. I loved him, but there was something that didn´t let me sleep in
peace next to him. I was thinking of him cheating on me. I thought if maybe
when we were having intimacy he kissed me and he was thinking on her. That
consumed me on the inside. So then, dumb of me, I decided that we had to
separate for a little while to give each other some space. I thought that we
need some space to think and heal the wounds and then try to get together
again. He, at first, didn’t want to; he was afraid that I got worse but then he
accepted it and he went to live with his mom. We were agreed in start over
again in zero. But it wasn´t like that, his indifference continued. I was
suffering a lot because I loved him and now he was far from me. There were
two months passed and I decided to talk to him and try to make things better
between us and try to save our marriage. He told me that he wanted to save
our marriage but he didn´t want to come back quickly. He said to me that he
wasn´t sure about what he felt to me. He didn´t know if he loved me or not. I
felt so humiliated and sad. My husband didn´t know if he loved me after so
many years of marriage and after all the things that we overcome together. He
didn´t know if he loved after all the things we do to maintain our relation. He
didn´t know if he loved me. What happen with huge love he said he felt about
me? Where love goes? Was the love gone? What was happening? God had
made a mistake again with me. What happen with God´s purpose with me and
my marriage? Will I be never happy? Will I ever have complete happiness?
Was I come to this world to suffer? Why? Why me? All these questions and I
didn´t find the answers. My love to him was so huge that although I felt so
sad and disappointed I waited patient until my husband came back. I was
hoping that we could save our marriage and overcome this situation. We tried
to start over again. At the same time we decided to return to church and
wanted to seek for God´s guide and refuge. Thanks to a brother of our church
whom I love so much as a father we returned to God. Now it appeared that

everything was getting better. Now everything seems to be perfect. We
decided too that his niece must live with her mother. We needed time for us
and got free of unnecessary pressures and responsibilities. We needed to
concentrate in God and seek for his presence in our lives. But his attitude was
the same. He was still indifferent. I decided to hanged on God and let him to
heal my wounds and my pain but our relation was still the same. The
emptiness between us was so huge that every day it seems that an abysm
separated us. My suspicions started again. Was he cheating on me again? Was
he having an affair? Had he a lover? Was he in love with another person and
he didn´t had the courage to tell me? What am I going to do? Is he going to
leave me for another woman? What am I going to do without him? Could I
live without him? Was I good enough for him? Those were the daily questions
with no answers. There were days that I felt that he loved me and other day he
rejected me without compassion. The relation was deteriorating, but I was
hanging on the hope that everything will be like the beginning. But it didn´t
happen. Although we were in church things still the same or worse. The
saddest thing was that I had the suspicion that he was still cheating on me.
There was something bigger separating us than the love I felt for him. I began
to lose the faith and the hope. When I saw that I prayed to God and apparently
he didn´t listen to me. I stop to believe in God. It was something bigger than
me. It was something against me that I couldn´t fight more. The more I prayed
the less I received answers. It appears that God didn´t listen my prayers. Like
this time went on until I discovered that he was still cheating on me with the
same person. Although I gave him an opportunity he lied to me. After all those
years he was still with her. But Why? This time I didn´t to commit the same
mistake of the first time. I didn´t want to ask him to leave. So I demand him to
tell me the all the truth. He did it and he asks me again to forgive him and he
promised me that he will change. I was still waiting for him to change and he
could notice how I love him. I found another job which offers me a lot of
benefits and better pay. So I decided to move to Juana Diaz to be the director
of an elderly home. I liked the idea too much, because that way I (thought)
kept away my husband from that woman. We talked about it and for both it
was a good idea for improve economically and start over. We gave a lot of our
things and the other we saved them in a deposit. I started to train in my new
job. It was a whole different area and unknowing for me. I discovered it by
the mysteries of God for our lives. I learned to know and loved the work that
was done there. An elderly home, the population that almost everyone forget,
it brought to me a lot of satisfactions. But also brought a lot of sadness when I
saw how the human being was leaving this life and how they suffer the
abandon of their families. We completely moved and I began to work there
with my mother and my sister. I was a really hard job. It was practically a
twenty four hours and seven days of a week job. I had barely time to eat or
sleep. I started to lose weight. I was still studying so I was so busy. I could
hardly go to church. My health was deteriorating. I started to suffer of severe
and frequently asthma attacks. I thought that this change will help our
relationship but on the contrary day after day I felt him more far from me.
Each day I felt that I was losing him more and more. Although I decided to
give him another chance each day with each gesture, each word, each attitude
he let me know that he rejects me that he didn´t love me no more, that he
didn´t want to be with me anymore and I refused to believe it. I was
submerging myself on my job and my studies. I didn´t had nothing less. I
couldn´t go to spend some time with my family. So it started to drive me to a
terrible loneliness state.

There was coming my criminology practicum date. Another weight for me,
but it was part of my goals. I had the opportunity to do my practicum in an
approbatory program called “Restaurando Portillos” for 54 law aggressors. It
helped me to see the other face of the coin. I could see all the situations that
those men had to deal with. This practicum gave the opportunity to understand
that not all men are the same. I learned to have mercy and compassion to those
men. A lot of them were victim of abuse when they were children and they
couldn´t overcome that trauma. This experience changed my life completely. I
thought that I wouldn´t finished it because all the work and all the pressures
that I had, but I did. In the meantime while I was doing my practicum I
noticed that there was someone that loved me in silence for a long time ago
and he conformed with only been my best friend and classmate. He was
someone that cares about me at every moment. He was not expecting anything
in return only my friendship. I made my practicum with him. And with his
details and attentions to me, he was winning something more than my
appreciation and respect. He listened to me when I didn´t had anyone to talk

to. He was always there for me when I needed someone to share my ideas, my
professional and academic goals. He consoled me when I was depressed and I
cried. At the same time that my husband was getting far from me there was
someone that was getting closer to me. Someone that without wanting it was
satisfying the emptiness that my husband wasn´t satisfying. There was
someone satisfying the love and attention necessities that my husband wasn´t
satisfying. But Is it correct? Is it a sin? Was I falling in love with this person?
Was I failing to God? But What about my husband´s cheat? What about my
husband´s indifference? Have I needed to stay in a relation that causes me
suffering? I want to enjoy life, go to the college´s party, I want to drink and
have fun. I completely forget that God don´t like those things. I started to hang
out with my friend to parties, to clubs trying to satisfying the emptiness and
forget the frustration that I felt. I was going to places and doing things that
were not right to God. All things are lawful; but not all things are expedient.
All things are lawful; but not all things edify. I felt more and more empty and
instead of seeking for God presence I search in the world what only God could
give me. Each day that passed I felt sadder of knowing that my husband, the
love of my life, rejects me. Each day I felt more alone. Each day I noticed that
my husband was in love with other woman but he didn´t had the courage to
tell me it. I knew that he didn´t want to stay with me anymore but he didn´t
dare to tell me at my face. While there was someone loving me in silence and
maybe it was my opportunity to be happy with someone who really loved and
care about me. So I decided to make my husband understand that I deserved to
be happy. In the middle of my frustration, my pain and my injuries, I got
courage and I talked to my husband. I decided, without consulting God first, to
end my ten years marriage because for me I didn´t had no sense in that
moment. For what, I will fight for something that disappeared so long time
ago. For what, I will fight for someone that didn´t loved me and loves another
person. Because if he loved me there be a motive to fight for and go on, but he
didn´t loved me anymore so why stayed together. A relationship like marriage
is two souls that want to be like one. So I decided to end with everything. I
told him that I want the divorce because I knew that he didn´t loved me
anymore and he didn´t want to be with me anymore. He didn´t say a thing not
even a why. That made me understand that he wanted that more than me and
he was just waiting for me to say it. It was very hard for me, after ten years,
fighting together and overcoming so many things everything was over. After
so many years of sharing my life with someone that was my whole life. To
whom I brought my whole life. I let pass my youth and my better years away
and now it was over. I will be now alone again like I always felt in my life.
Only God could understand that loneliness, but it was better like this. Each
one will take its own way separate. I just wanted to be happy and I wished that
he could be happy too and I wasn´t that to him. So I understand, although it
was really hard and painful for me, that everything was over. I made all the
necessary and looked for a lawyer to start that terrible process called divorce. I
went on. I wanted to accomplish my goals and dreams. I held on to my
studies, it was the only thing I had, I thought. How difficult is a divorce. I
never thought that after marrying and doing it believing that it will be forever
after I would have to sit in a court room to say that I wanted a divorce. On
April 17, 2009 I got divorce, thinking that I was doing the right thing for me.
Quickly, without consulting God, I was trying to take my husband out of my
life. I was trying to take out of my heart that huge love that during almost all
my life I had felt for him. I continued living my crazy life of hanging out and
parties. I was trying to fill the huge emptiness of my heart, trying to forget my
pain and frustration.

I continued going to church and I asked God to talk to me and guide me
although I was doing my will. God never makes mistakes and he works
through mysterious ways, he allowed me to pass through all this experience
that I didn´t understand so I could learn to listen to his will. Because in the
bottom of my heart I felt that I should continue fighting but I didn´t I quit. I
didn´t listen to the Holy Spirit that was talking to my heart. But in that
moment I didn´t understand. And that special person, my best friend, the man
who declared his loved to me a long time ago without expecting anything was
still at my side day after day and he was winning my affection. I thought that
this affection could transform in love quickly, like it will be just like that.
Will I could be happy at the end? Will God have something better for me? I
just know that I decided to have the opportunity to be happy this time at the
side of someone who said that loved me. Without time to heal and hurried to
formalize with this person, just a few days after my divorce I accepted his
marriage proposal and I became his fiancée. I started to prepare all the
wedding details to get marry again. Faster when I found out that the love of
my life, now officially my ex-husband will be a father.
What? How? Yes it was. He was going to have a baby with another woman
and it wasn´t the one that he was cheating on me all that time. I didn´t
understand. I cried sadly for so many days. That news destroyed my soul
completely. So many years both waiting to have a baby, so many treatments

that I went through in the pursuit to have a baby. And now he will become a
father with another woman. I was so hurt, so I had to do something to hurt him
too, if there were still feelings in him. So I published through a social network
on the internet that I will get married with all the details. I published photos of
my fiancée and I, in the pursuit of making him suffer in the way I was
suffering too. I finished my practicum, although all the problems, the suffering
and sacrifices I made with an excellent grade. I bought my wedding dress, my
crown, the veil, everything. We planned the date and everything seems to be
perfect. I got illusions of having my wedding at the beach shore, everything
pretty and romantic, like I always dream about. The honeymoon will be at
Orlando, Florida. Everything seems to go well so I thought that I was doing
the right thing. Because I felt so alone and exhausted with all the excessive
work I decided to leave the director vacant in the elderly home and stay as an
employee only. I failed to God and I went to live with that man because I will
marry him in a few months. Everything seems to be perfect. He was very
sweet and attentive; everything was like a fairy tale. I lived like a queen, I
didn´t need anything. I had love, attentions and details. But God never makes
mistakes. I had let go his hand until he said you came until this point now is
my turn. I kept in touch with my ex-husband. While the wedding date was
closer more nostalgic and melancholy I felt. No matter how hard I tried I
couldn´t banished the sadness that my face revealed. My eyes screamed for
me, because our face is our soul´s mirror. I began to looked in my old photos
were I was with my ex-husband where we looked so well and happy. I looked
at the photos from Music Ministry in which we both were members and I
started to cry. I cried without console because I started to miss all those
moments that I shared with my ex-husband. I cried with no console because I
missed him so much and I didn´t want to admit it and that’s why I couldn´t let
to communicate with him. That’s why I seek for any dumb excuse to call him
and hear his voice.

Because I was trying again to be the most rebel and strongest and I was really
so destroyed inside and I just was mad and painful. And thinking in vengeance
I was just hurting myself. What happen? He was feeling the same. One day he
sent me a text message telling me that he misses me. And I sent one back
telling that me too. So we started to write until he said to me that he was sorry
about everything and now he knew that he really loved me and no one knew
what had until lost it. In the relationship that he was, he wasn´t happy he was
there because of the responsibility of the baby that was coming. I was in a
similar situation, in the relation that I was, I wasn´t happy but because of the
wedding compromise I felt knotted. But God is big and powerful and never
abandon us although we were unfaithful he remains faithful. In a church

service God spoke to me and told me that I shouldn´t take decisions based on
my injuries. I understood that God was calling me to straight my life and I had
to finish the false that I was living and fight for what I had to fight. I had to
fight for what God gave to me. So I started to pray to God for forgiveness. I
prayed for restoration and for help to repair my mistakes. I prayed so he
allows me to finish that relationship and don´t hurt anyone else. I prayed and
asked him to only hear his voice. I didn´t know how to tell my fiancée that I
didn´t loved him because I still love my ex-husband. Then God opened the
door and gave me the opportunity to talk with him. We were talking and he
asked me what was happening to me because he saw me indifferent and
distant. He insisted so much that I had to confess my truly feelings. I made
him suffer a lot because he really loved me but I couldn´t correspond him
because I loved another person. At the end, he told me that he only want my
happiness. In that time I had no job because after a personnel cut in the elderly
home I was fired. He offered me to keep helping me economically. I accepted
and decided to stay living with him while I found another job. In the meantime
my ex-husband started to pray too so God could give him the chance to talk to
the mother of his unborn baby and not hurt her because in revenge she could
run away with his baby and he couldn´t see him. We went to talk to our pastor
and we confessed them everything happening. They recommended us to finish
definitely with those relationships and pray for God to restore us and help us
to get together again and married again because it was God´s will. They said
that God had a purpose with us and our ministries.

We kept praying and waiting for God to work in our lives. We started to share
and try to fix our relation. We were in disposition to seek for help to overcome
all that we lived separately and now we had to face it together. It was very
difficult. We began to talk about everything and confessed everything that we
had in our hearts. There were sadder and hard things to say but necessary to
heal. In my case things got worse, after my ex-fiancée promised to help me
although I couldn´t correspond him, his pain was so big that every time that he
could he blamed me for his suffering. I started to feel embarrassed and
humiliated. I understood that God wanted to take me out of there. So I
packed up my things and I talked to him and told him that I was leaving. I
went to live with my mom waiting and trusting that God will provide me to
pay my bills. It wasn´t easy for me, to wait patient until my ex-husband could
resolve his situation. In the occasions that he tried to talked about it with his
baby´s mother she cried so much that she was in risk of abortion. The time
came and although he didn´t explain to her the real reasons of why he was
leaving her, he finished the false relation they were living. Then through the
recommendations of members of our church he decided and he went to tell her
the truth and he asked her to forgive him for the suffering he caused to her. In
that moment she understood and resigned. And then we decided to start our
life together again, living together and design our plans to marry again. This
time we wanted to do it how we always dream about it. The time came when
the baby arrived, November 14, 2009 born a little baby boy. It was a moment
of different kinds of emotions to me. I was excited and I shared the happiness
of seen the love of my life so happy for becoming a dad. But at the same time
I was so sad of knowing that he was becoming a father and it wasn´t with me
and I couldn´t get pregnant.

I couldn´t meet him until three weeks later because the baby´s mother change
her attitude radically. I kept praying until God worked. Finally they could talk
and stated some arrangements. While we continue the wedding details and
that’s made me so happy it was like a dream come true. We started to spend
time with the baby every weekend and it united us more as a family. My
affection for the baby increased day after day, it was something amazing. The
enemy tried to stand up with anger trying to take away our faith and trust in
God. But the Lord like a powerful giant defended us and provided us in every
moment. It was very hard that reconciliation. We had to deny ourselves and
destroyed childhood stereotypes, but God helped us to succeed.
We went through a lot of difficulties, economic problems, sickness and so
many troubles that it seems that they were crossing at any cost to the day of
our wedding. Until, at end, the big day came. One day full of expectations,
emotions and nerves. Until the last moment the troubles seems to banish that
special day. As we dream of, on February 21st, 2010 I went to the church with
the son of my future husband and at the hand of my mother who brought me to
the altar.
In front of our church´s members, our loved friends and our families, our
pastor united us in holy marriage with God´s blessing. For my surprise had
reserved for me one more surprise for that day. At the ending of the ceremony,
I saw my father coming closer to the group of people that were congratulating
us. I was so excited that I couldn´t hold my tears, and I cried.

Since my sixth grade graduation, my father didn´t share any important
moment with me. And that’s why I´m thankful to my Savior and Lord Christ
for his great love. Definitely, God never makes mistakes. At this moment for
me started the truly happiness in my life.
I´m keep waiting the moment of becoming one day the mother of a baby girl.
It is the thing I wish most, it will be my victory. I owed to God the

accomplished of my dream of getting married how I always dream about with
my complete family and to complete my Bachelor Degree in Social Sciences
in Criminology as a Magna Cum Laude student after all those years and so
many sacrifices. Now I´m going to continue my studies in a Master Degree in
Counseling and Orientation and next my Juris Doctor in Law. Until this point
comes the story at least for this moment, although there is a lot more to write
about the miracles that God will do in my life.

I always said that I will never forgive an infidelity, and that I will never get
divorce and if I do it that I will never get marry again. As it’s said, never said
never. I forgave infidelity not one time but many times. And after I thought
that it had no sense to fight for something I thought it was lost I got divorce.
And I had to pay a high cost to recover what God gave to me.
How amazing is life! How wonderful is God! He teaches us every day his
purposes. I am sure that God´s purpose in my life is related with all that
happened to me and about my suffering in life. I am completely sure that he
had a huge purpose with me. And he will do the necessary to accomplish that
purpose in my life for his Glory and Honor. I am thankful to God for turn his
face to me and pick me up.
And for not looked at me my condition nor the circumstances but his purpose
accomplished in me, his work finished. When I remembered where God
rescued me I rejoiced about the miracles that he could do in a life of who
decide to bring its heart to him. Nor the psychologists, nor psychiatrists, nor
medications, nor friends, nor parties, nor alcohol, nor the drugs, nothing could
fill the emptiness in our lives. Just God with his love, with his peace and his
infinitive kindness could fill your life in some way that you wouldn´t need
anything else. “but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall
never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of
water springing up unto eternal life.” how the bible said in John 4:14. In this
path in which I had been during twelve years I could understand that God
don´t makes mistakes and that my life had a purpose.
God had given to me so many blessings that it’s impossible to write down all
in one book. Each day when we opened our eyes, starts the blessings from
God to our lives. He had given to me the gift of preach his word in which for
the first time I could testify about my life. I could tell about what God had
done in my life for my church´s benefit. He had given to me the opportunity to
ministry lives that had crossed in my path with the same situation that I lived.
God had used me to his Glory. He had given me the gift of singing to adore
him with my church´s members. I never thought that I could be a singer and
every time that I sang for his Glory I rejoiced in his presence about the
miracles that I felt and how wonderful were God with me.
God had given me the opportunity to participate as a clown to preach to the
children and that blessing gave a lot of satisfactions. Work with children in my
church had been one of the most enrichment experiences in my life.

He had given me a beautiful family. My mother and my sisters; in whom I
could count always. My family, who had been with me in good days and bad
days. Although all the suffering of my mom in her life she could give us the
best of her. And I felt very proud of her and I hope she could be proud of me.
God had given to me also a spiritual family in where I have brothers and sister
whom I love like my own family. God doesn’t make mistakes. God have a
purpose for me. With God in my life, I have a life with purpose. The place
where I born, the parents I have and the circumstances that I had to life are
part of that beautiful purpose that God have for me. Each day I thank him his
death and resurrection. Each day I thank him for his blood given for my sins.
Each day I thank him for the salvation of my soul, for been always with me at
my side and for extending his hand to stand me up when everyone abandoned
me. I thank him because I never lacked anything although I have needs
because he provided me all them. “…I have been young, and now am old; Yet
have I not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his seed begging bread.” like the
bible said in Psalms 37:25. He had blest me in an overwhelming way. From all
my difficulties he had kept me. “This poor man cried, and Jehovah heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.” like it said in Psalms 34:6. Because his
angels are around me and defend me like it said in Psalms 34:7. “The angel of
Jehovah encampeth round about them that fear him, And delivereth them.”
His Holy Spirit warned me when I´m getting out of the path, and filled me day
after day until my glass is overwhelmed. Like it said in Psalms 23:5 “…Thou
hast anointed my head with oil; My cup runneth over.” I thank him for the
salvation, for the eternal life, for his promises and for his divine will. I thank
him for his miracles and wonders. Today I´m a new creature and the rebel,
without feelings, with armor, relentless, revenger girl who hates and not
forgive died the day that Christ came to live in my heart. On that day born a
new girl, a girl that is now a God´s daughter, that is now a servant of the Lord,
that is now an instrument and a vase of honor for the Lord. “Wherefore if any
man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the old things are passed away; behold,
they are become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

And although I had made a lot of mistakes God had forgiven me and restored
me. Now I continue walking believing God with my virtues and defects
because God perfection himself in my weakness. “…being confident of this
very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day
of Jesus Christ:.” Phillippians 1:6. I am not perfect, God keep teaching me
each day about his wonders. He keep transforming and cleaning me. Day after
day I need more from God. Each day he keeps perfection me. “Jehovah will
perfect that which concerneth me” Psalms 138:8. God never makes mistakes.

Like any other human being and Christian I had my fights and my tests. The
Lord takes my load and made me rest. “Come unto me, all ye that labor and
are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” like the Bible said in Mathew 11:28.
There are days of sadness and sorrow, but God gives me strength and peace
like he said in Psalms 28:7 “Jehovah is my strength and my shield; My heart
hath trusted in him, and I am helped: Therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth;
And with my song will I praise him.” There are days of sickness and tests, but
God fight for me and heal me like he said in the Bible in Joshua 23:10 “…One
man of you shall chase a thousand; for Jehovah your God, he it is that fighteth
for you, as he spake unto you.” “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; Who
healeth all thy diseases;” like it also said in Psalms 103:3. There are times of
weakness and temptations, but he perfection himself in my weakness. Like the
Lord said in his word in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “Ye think all this time that we are
excusing ourselves unto you. In the sight of God speak we in Christ. But all
things, beloved, are for your edifying.” It is not to fell down is to stand up;
stand up holding God´s hand. “Jehovah upholdeth all that fall, And raiseth up
all those that are bowed down.” like it said in Psalms 145:14. I had lived
everything in life. I had lived family dysfunction, domestic violence, verbal,
psychological and sexual abuse, abandon, infertility, and divorce. That´s why I
recommend you that if you hadn´t given an opportunity to God, choose today
this day to receive the change, to receive heal, the restoration and the
transformation that you are looking for. The emptiness of our hearts no one
can fill it, only God could fill it. Only God could give you the peace and the
joy that never ends. “In peace will I both lay me down and sleep; For thou,
Jehovah, alone makest me dwell in safety.” like it said in Psalms 4:8. Only
God could transform one life like mine and convert it in what it is today. Only
God could make happy the mankind. “Thou hast turned for me my mourning
into dancing; Thou hast loosed my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;”
like it said Psalms 30:11. I hope that your life had been benefit and blest
through this book. And if I shared with you my life is not to remember my
past, or you to feel sorry for me or for make you sad but to help you through
my testimony you can know the truth. The truth is Christ. He is the path, the
truth and the life; no one comes to the Father but through him like the bible
said in John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, and the truth, and the
life: no one cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Only in his name there is
salvation and eternal life like it said in Acts 4:12 “… Jesus saith unto him, I
am the way, and the truth, and the life: no one cometh unto the Father, but by
me.” Don´t seek the truth or the solution for your problems in alcohol, drugs,
images created by men that have eyes but can´t see, have ears but can´t hear,
have mouth but can´t talk and feet but can´t walk. Like the bible said in
Psalms 115:4-7 “Their idols are silver and gold, The work of men's hands.
They have mouths, but they speak not; Eyes have they, but they see not; They
have ears, but they hear not; Noses have they, but they smell not; They have
hands, but they handle not; Feet have they, but they walk not; Neither speak
they through their throat.” Neither seeks on psychologists, medications
although they can help a lot can´t resolve the problem of the emptiness in the
men´s heart. Don´t seek for support in men that they are today but tomorrow
not. They are humans to and they could fail you. Trust in the One who gave
his life in a cross for me but for you too. And he did it because he loved us
first, before you and I loved him. God gave the biggest proof of love; he
brought himself in the cross for his love to us, the love for you and for me.
“But God commendeth his own love toward us, in that, while we were yet
sinners, Christ died for us.” like the bible said in Romans 5:8 God never
makes mistakes when he sent his son to die for the sinners, because between
them were you and me. Like the scriptures said in Mathew 18:11 “For the Son
of man came to save that which was lost.” Raise your eyes to the heaven and
receive Jesus as your only and sufficient savior with your virtues and defects.
No matter what had you lived. No matter what had you done. No matter what
were your life circumstances. God can forgive you, clean you and restore you.
God can heal your wounds. God can transform your empty life in one full of
joy and peace. Let yourself be guide for the perfect and divine will of God.
God never makes mistake

Sharing God´s grace and love

Sharing God´s grace and love
I want to share with you God´s grace and love through the testimony of a
young man of my church, whom God called to serve him and be an honor
vase. A person as you and me that passed through a lot of situations, but he
gave God the opportunity to transform his life. To whom God gave a lot of
talents and ministries to his Glory. And those talents and gifts he wants to put
in at God service to other may know the work of God in his life. So you could
be witnesses of the things that God can make with the life and how is
transformed from a person without hopes to an instrument of honor for God.
You could see how God gave each one gifts to the expansion of his work. In
this project, this adding is related with the title of this book “God doesn´t
make mistakes”. You will feel what to this servant of God means that “God
never makes mistakes” and what God could give him with this deep
expression. In this adding you could know about the wonders that God had
make in other lives besides of mine. So you could understand that “God never
makes mistakes”, that his will is perfect and each one of us have a purpose in
this world; a purpose for God. We hope that you could be blest and anyone
that you want to share this gift could be blest too.

God doesn´t make mistakes
Uriel Barriera Santiago

I am nineteen years old, and in my short life I had lived so much to tell you
that God doesn´t make mistakes and he will never. I grew up in a Christian
family. My parents taught me Christian values, I was a brilliant student, I had
the best grades and I was a humble person. Everything started at the age of
thirteen when I started to see things at other point of view. I was bored of
church, all that I wanted was to be in the street and didn´t respect my parents
anymore. At thirteen years old I got involved in the drug´s world, I was using
weed, cigarettes and alcohol. I wasn´t a boy no more I became a man through
force. I didn´t play anymore, I was just with the drug dealers wanting to learn
more and more. I didn´t sleep anymore I fell asleep with the worry that
something could happen to me and how I can watch my back. I spent much of
my time in the streets using drugs or escaping from the police. I didn´t respect
my parents anymore. I was an “adult” and my parents were old and they didn´t
know anything. I went few times to the police department and to the court for
some delinquencies I did. I didn´t care about anything, I didn´t have friends
anymore just the drug dealers, whom I thought were my friends, my new
family. Time passed and from the weed I started using cocaine. I was a rebel
without cause, a troublemaker. When I went to church, I didn´t care about a
thing but my mother still kept praying for me. Some time passed and
happened what we always think it’s not going to happen. No one will catch
me. I was one of the people that think like that, but you know what, they
caught me. One day at school the scholar policeman caught me rolling a weed
cigarette. They took me to the police department and from there I had to go
during eight months to ASSMCA three times a week. I left behind the drugs at
my sixteen years, but I kept using alcohol until my nineteen years. Then I had
an encounter with the Lord who rescued me from the sin. 1 Corinthians
1:27,28 “but God chose the foolish things of the world, that he might put to
shame them that are wise; and God chose the weak things of the world, that he
might put to shame the things that are strong; and the base things of the world,
and the things that are despised, did God choose, yea and the things that are
not, that he might bring to nought the things that are: …” God answered my
mother´s prayers, she always still trusting in his promises. My mother serves
the Lord, singing to his Glory. Her devotion and her prayers were answered
that day when I decided to give my life completely to God. Because I doesn´t
matter if our parents serve God that doesn´t mean that we have our salvation
won. We have to recognize for ourselves that God is our savior and receive
him to be saved and restored. God had cleaned and restored me. I don´t need
neither drugs nor alcohol to have joy because God give the joy and the peace
that I needed. God called me to preach his word and to tell the world from
where God rescued me. I was near the death, but God saved me to serve him.
Recently I started to sing to the Lord, a gift that I inherited from my mother
who sings to the Lord and I preach his word and I talked about the wonders
that God had made in my life. The Glory and the Honor shall be to God. God
doesn´t make mistakes. Amen

The Bible said…

The Bible said…
That God loves you
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God
sent not the Son into the world to judge the world; but that the world should be
saved through him.” (John 3:16, 17)
“…but God, being rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with
Christ (by grace have ye been saved), (Ephesians 2:4, 5)

“But God commendeth his own love toward us, in that, while we were yet
sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
That sin separates you from God
The man has been separated from God because of his sin
“…for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God;” (Romans 3:23)
“…as it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one;” (Romans 3:10)
“For the wages of sin is death; but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ
Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)
The man is…
“…having no hope and without God in the world.” (Ephesians 2:12)
Many people think that after this life everything ends but the Bible warned
us that…
“And inasmuch as it is appointed unto men once to die, and after this cometh
judgment;” (Hebrews 9:27)

That Jesus Christ died and had been raised because of you…
“For I delivered unto you first of all that which also I received: that Christ
died for our sins according to the scriptures; and that he was buried; and that
he hath been raised on the third day according to the scriptures;” (1
Corinthians 15:3, 4)
“For the word of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us who
are saved it is the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:18)
“he that doeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. To
this end was the Son of God manifested, that he might destroy the works of
the devil.” (1 John 3:8)
“He that believeth on him is not judged: he that believeth not hath been judged
already, because he hath not believed on the name of the only begotten Son of
God.” (Juan 3:18)
That the decision is yours…

“And that from a babe thou hast known the sacred writings which are able to
make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” (2
Timothy 3:15)
The Bible teaches us that there is only one way to go through God. Jesus
said
“…I am the way, and the truth, and the life: no one cometh unto the Father,
but by me.” (John 4:16)
“For there is one God, one mediator also between God and men, himself man,
Christ Jesus,” (1 Timothy 2:5)
The Bible promises us…
“…because if thou shalt confess with thy mouth Jesus as Lord, and shalt
believe in thy heart that God raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved: for
with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth
confession is made unto salvation.” (Romans 10:9, 10)
That you receive Christ in your heart as Savior and Lord…

“I am the door; by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in
and go out, and shall find pasture.” (John 10:9)
Right now open your heart and confess to him your sins. The Word of God
says that…
“He that covereth his transgressions shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth
and forsaketh them shall obtain mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)
Jesus invites you to receive the new life that only he can give you…
“Wherefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the old things are
passed away; behold, they are become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Believe in your heart and confess it with your mouth in a prayer like this:
Dear Jesus, I believe that you are the Son of God that died for my sins and had
been raised. I repentance of my sins and I ask for your forgiveness. send now
your Holy Spirit to my heart to give the power to reject the evil so I can walk
in your will. Thanks for your love, salvation and the new life that you give to
me in this day. Amen.
“He that believeth hath eternal life.”
(John 6:47)
My heart for you

My heart for you
Specially for you, is my heart because I know about what you are passing
through or had passed. No one that had not passed for what you and me had
passed could not understand or comprehend what you feel or suffer. Only God
can. I know that it is a lot of hate that can be kept in the heart for that person
who had marked our lives forever. I know that is a lot of pain and shame that
can be carried for the evil attack against our dignity and innocence. But there
is a solution. Jesus Christ is the solution, more than any psychologist or
psychiatrist can tell, Jesus is the only one that can restore your life and heal
your wounds. Only his powerful hand and mercy can give you back the
dignity, the innocence, the purity, the peace and the illusion of living. I know
that like me maybe you had blamed God or you had thought about dying, but
you know what? There is hope for those who had suffered like you and me.
That hope is in the Lord. That one that died in the cavalry cross for each one
of us suffering the most cruel and mean punishment so he could understand

our pain so he could erase with his precious blood all the hate and the pain of
our lives. But the most important thing is that with his sacrifice he gives us
live and salvation. Through Jesus we receive salvation and eternal life. He
makes everything new, to some point that you could forgive your aggressor.
You can enjoy a life with freedom and peace. Although you can´t forget the
past, you learn how to live in some way that the past can´t hurt you anymore.
Because you learn that your past now is the testimony of the work of God in
your life. It helps you to help other people to come to the cause of God. It
helps you to enlighten other lives that are in great difficulties and they thought
that they are the only ones that are suffering and there is no hope for them. But
now you know that there is a solution and there is hope for our lives.
Accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord of our lives we can have hope and new
life. Because now we can give to him all our worries and troubles so he could
rise up us. Resting in his word and his promises. Waiting to his return and
receiving his perfect love that gives away all the fear.
Thanks
Thanks to…
I want to thanks first to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for giving me the
opportunity to reach the lives in need so through my testimony they can know
about your wonders. To Irma I. Muñiz Crespo, for your help in the edition of
the Spanish version of this book that after five years it could be published.
Thanks for your unconditional support, for your friendship and for your love.
Thanks for your enthusiasm to make public this Project. You are a true sister
for me. I love very much. To Edwin Cordero Pacheco thanks for your help
also in the edition of the Spanish version of this book and for your suggestions
and your ideas to complete this project. Because you are a blessing in our
lives. To my husband, Sabala González Rosado thank you for your support
and your unconditional help with the design of this beautiful portrait for this
dream that now is a reality with your creativity. To my family, my mother and
sisters thanks for your support and your huge love. I love you so much. To the
photographer, Cynthia Pacheco, thank you for your beautiful photos. Because
you have a gift to enlighten beauty and sensibility. For humbleness and
dedication. To the pastors, Etienne Estremera and Delia Lugo for your prayers
and for your support to this dream that God put on my heart. Because you
always had believed in this ministry. Pastor Etienne thanks, because through
you God confirmed me this call. To Maritza Santiago, thank you because in
your voice the song “God never makes mistakes” Spanish version have a
sense. Thank you for your support and for your unconditional friendship. God
bless your ministry. I´m sure that you will go so far for the Glory of God.
God bless you and Thank you very much.

English Redaction and Edition by:
Miriam Arelis Quiñones Santiago

miriam_arelis_quinones@hotmail.com
Portrait Design by:
Sabala González Rosado

gonzalez_sabala@hotmail.com
Photos by:
Cynthia Pacheco
cynthianpacheco@yahoo.com
If you want a print copy of this book or

you want to hear my testimony in life
you can send me an e-mail to
“God never makes mistakes”

diosnoseequivoca2010@hotmail.es
www.facebook.com/diosnoseequivoca
If you don´t have a place to praise the Lord

you can visit us at:
Christian Charismatic Church

Tallaboa Alta I Del Rio St. Peñuelas
Forbidden the total or partial reproduction
©All rights reserved 2010-2011.

Dios No Se Equivoca Ebook English

Hochgeladen von

Dokumentinformationen

Originalbeschreibung:

Originaltitel

Copyright

Verfügbare Formate

Dieses Dokument teilen

Dokument teilen oder einbetten

Freigabeoptionen

Stufen Sie dieses Dokument als nützlich ein?

Sind diese Inhalte unangemessen?

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Dios No Se Equivoca Ebook English

Hochgeladen von

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Miriam Arelis Quiñones

Second Edition, English Version 2011

E- Sword Electronic Bible, American Standard Version

Published in Ponce, Puerto Rico

Printed in Ponce, Puerto Rico

Miriam Arelis Quiñones

no matter the consequences.

you I dedicated this book. I love you.

to my life. In the moment I ever imagine, when I thought that I couldn´t be

loved. To teach me that it is possible to love, believe and trust. That it is

Miriam Arelis Quiñones

This book is more than a story; it reveals in details my testimony, my life.

domestic violence, verbal, psychological and sexual abuse, infidelity,

her to the divine purpose of God with her life.

“Jehovah will perfect that which concerneth me”

were full of happiness, but that wasn´t my case.

hospital nursery, he neither went to the hospital to pick up us.

in his arms and cried sadly.

job. She began to work as a secretary in a private school. In the meantime my

needed to make me an incision so I could pee.

problems she didn´t notice before.

and me. So we had to live with my grandparents for a little while.

family. That caused that my parents were in a lots of fights because my

so my parents took me to a preschool that I hated so much. I knew how to

some many things that were missing.

bars and restaurants. My father went to my grandparents’ house and never

beautiful house. Like always my grandparents solving my father’s troubles.

problems. I remembered that many times we kept days without eat.

parents fought because he didn´t have money to buy us some presents. To

school my mother had to cry to my grandparents so they bought us our school

that in that moment he no longer had a wife or daughters.

My mother helped my stepfather in a cafeteria that he had. So when I came

friends. I remembered that in my sixth grade graduation I was so excited. My

smiled at me. I smiled and began my speech, when I finished everybody

cheered at me because they noticed that my parents were very important to me

hours. I didn´t understand why my grandfather died. I loved him so much.

complained in tears in front of my dead grandfather body. I told him that it

because he was so kind and lovely.

a lot of pain and emptiness to me. I needed a father. I tried to find it in my

he was an hypocrite, he demonstrated one face to married my mother and then

propositions became a reality. He threatened me and he told me that he will

day I learned what he was capable of do to my mother. Without explanations

protect my mother and keep peace in my house, even it that takes me to

doing to me. Unfortunately this man without feelings or compassion found it

treated us. Sometimes he yelled at us and he said to us words like beasts,

a bath so we could learned to respect. I remembered one time; when we were

him to go to my graduation because I hated him and he wasn´t my father. That

man didn´t go to my graduation but neither my father. My father promised me

day in my life and he didn’t came.

was my mother. My father wasn´t in my graduation pictures again. Because I

mother wasn´t there, something had happen. A neighbor told me to go to my

of been touched or abused. In matter of days everything was sold. My mother

meantime, my older cousin and my grandmother began to register me in the

and promised to call me every week. My older cousin lived next to my

grandmother´s house so I couldn´t feel alone. When some weeks passed my

woman, for me was stolen. My birthday in august like my grandmother she

house. I could invite my schoolmates and friends. That excited me a lot

includes my best friends. A few days before my party, my mother gave me

helped me to get dress. As a surprise, my best friend brings to me her crown

called me to congratulate me and sang to the happy birthday song, it made me

into. For one day I forgot my tragedy, my past, my childhood, my

adolescence, my sadness, my lost innocence, my stolen illusions, my hopeless