Student Success Guide

Writing Skills













Robert Todd Carroll


Student Success Guide Writing Skills


1990 by Robert T. Carroll. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced
in any form or by any means, including electronic storage and retrieval, or translated into a
foreign language without prior agreement and written consent from the author as governed
by United States and International Copyright Law.

e-mail rtc@skepdic.com

Author: Robert Todd Carroll
Website: The Skeptics Dictionary at www.skepdic.com

Other books by Robert T. Carroll

The Common-Sense Philosophy of Religion of Bishop Edward Stillingfleet, 1635-
1699. (1975). (International Archives of the History of Ideas / archives
internationales d'histoire des ides). Martinus Nijhoff, The Hague

Student Success Guide: Study Skills (1990).
www.skepdic.com/refuge/studyskills1.pdf

The Skeptics Dictionary: A Collection of Strange Beliefs, Amusing Deceptions,
and Dangerous Delusions. (2003). Wiley and Sons.

Becoming a Critical Thinker A Guide for the New Millennium. (2005). 2
nd

edition. Pearson Custom Publishing.


Preface


The Student Success Guide: Writing Skills is a companion to the Student Success Guide: Study
Skills book. The purpose of each is to provide a systematic approach to learning the skills needed by every
successful student. The study skills text focuses on vocabulary building, time management, listening and
concentration, reading and studying textbooks, taking notes, reviewing and preparing for tests. The writing skills
text focuses on building those skills needed by the college student to fulfill typical writing assignments.
The Student Success Guides may be used independently by the student who wishes to improve his or
her chances of success in humanities and social science courses. The books could also be used as the sole text
in a College Success course or as an adjunct text in an English or Humanities course.
The driving idea behind the Student Success Guides is that methodical and purposive studying is the
most effective and efficient. I don't claim that my methods are the only ones. In fact, I can't even call them my
methods, since I have taken the work and suggestions of many people and applied them as I saw fit.
To do well in college the student does not have to be an excellent writer, but a certain competence is
expected and is essential. This text is designed to help the student develop sufficient writing competency to
produce papers and exams acceptable in any college level course.

Robert T. Carroll
Sacramento City College
May 1990
















Acknowledgment and dedication. For the first half of my teaching career at Sacramento City College I
was fortunate to have had Les Read as my colleague in the philosophy department. Les was one of my
closest friends until his sudden death at age 48. Ed Stupkawho taught college success classesLes,
and I spent many fruitful hours discussing, arguing, and evaluating various teaching techniques and ideas.
Without their insights and criticisms, this guide would not have been written.
The Los Rios Community College Board of Trustees granted me a sabbatical leave in the spring of
1986 to complete this project.


STUDENT SUCCESS GUIDE: WRITING SKILLS

Table of Contents


1. INTRODUCTION 1
1.1 WRITING - BASIC CHECKLIST 2
Exercise 1 - Writing : Checking the Basics 3
2. ELEMENTS OF SATISFACTORY WRITING 4
2.1 CLARITY 4
Exercise 2 - Clarity in Writing 6
2.2 COHERENT AND FOCUSED WRITING 7
2.2.1 TITLES 8
2.2.2 INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPHS 9
Exercise 3 - Checking Titles & Introductions 11
2.2.3 BODY PARAGRAPHS 13
Exercise 4 - Checking Points & Support 15
2.2.4 TRANSITIONS 16
Exercise 5 - Checking Transitions 18
2.2.5 CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH 18
Exercise 6 - Checking Conclusions 18
2.2.6 WRITING ESSAYS - A CHECKLIST 19
2.3 A METHOD FOR WRITING ESSAYS 20
Exercise 7 - Grouping Ideas 25
Exercise 8 - Listing, Grouping & Outlining 30
2.3.1 SUMMARY - USING THE SLOOWER METHOD 32
2.4 WRITING THE IN-CLASS ESSAY 33
2.4.1 PREPARING FOR THE EXAM 33
2.4.2 WRITING THE ESSAY 33
2.4.3 SUMMARY : WRITING THE IN-CLASS ESSAY 35
2.5 GENERAL WRITING TIPS 36

SUGGESTED ANSWERS TO EXERCISES 1-6 38





1



1. INTRODUCTION


ithout a doubt, the most
important invention in human
historv is writing. lt provides a
relativelv permanent record of
information, opinions, beliefs,
feelings, arguments, explanations, theories,
etc. Writing allows us to share our
communication not onlv with our
contemporaries, but also with future
generations. lt permits people from the near
and far-distant past to speak to us. Whv then,
given all of the beautv and benefits of writing,
do so manv students hate it'
Part of the distaste for writing must be
accounted for bv the associations students
make with it. Writing is often taught in such a
wav that student failures, rather than
successes, are focused on. 1he writing process
is learned, bv and large, in an environment of
constant criticism and repeated failure.
Creative use of language, inventive thinking,
and critical reasoning often evoke not praise
but hostilitv. Some teachers even use writing
as a form of punishment. ln addition, manv
students remember their earliest writing
experiences as involving dull or irrelevant
topics (similar to their first reading
experiences).
lurthermore, manv students were never
required to learn proper spelling or grammar.
1hese poor students come to think that
"lnglish" and "writing" are nothing but spelling
and grammar. 1o them, writing means
inevitable failure. Oood writing is something
thev believe thev will never be able to achieve,
because thev not onlv identifv good writing
with proper spelling and grammar, but thev are
governed bv the self-serving and false notion





that thev can't learn how to spell correctlv or
how to construct grammaticallv correct
sentences.
However, good writing is not equivalent to
good spelling and grammar. ln fact, there will
be no advice or instruction in those areas here.
1his text presupposes that the student knows
both that correct spelling is expected and how
to find the correct spelling of anv word. lt also
presupposes that knowledge of a language's
grammar and correct word usage are necessarv
conditions for good writing in that language.
ln short, this text assumes that the student
knows:

(1) how to properlv construct a sentence,

(2) that subjects and verbs must agree in
number (singular subjects require singular
verbs, plural subjects require plural verbs),

(3) that the reference of pronouns should
not be ambiguous,

(1) that there should be consistencv of
person and tense in writing (no shifts from first
to third person writing or from present tense
to past tense writing, unless there is a verv
good reason to do so), and

(5) that correct spelling, punctuation,
capitalization and word usage are required.





2

WRITING - BASIC CHECKLIST


Before turning in a writing assignment, go through this basic checklist.


1. Is every sentence complete, not a fragment?

2. Do the subject and predicate agree in number in each sentence?

3. Is every word spelled correctly?

4. Are sentences punctuated correctly?

5. Are words capitalized properly?

6. Does each pronoun unambiguously refer to its antecedent?

7. Do you stay in the same tense and person throughout?

8. Are all words used correctly?



3

XRCIS 1. CHCKINC TH BASICS


Use the WRl1lNO - BASlC CHlCKllS1 to check the following essav. Correct anv errors.
Check vour corrections against the corrected version printed in the ANSWlRS 1
lXlRClSlS, pages 3o-39.


CAPl1Al PUNlSHMlN1


1hroughout historv the question of capitol punishment has been a cause of much
controversv. l believe that capital punishent is not moralv justifvable on the grounds that it is
immoral to kill a human being. And, the affect of killing criminals is too encourage violence.
1hose in favor of capital punishment claim that it is a deterant to crime. 1hev also logicallv
claim that it help to alleviate the over-crowded situation in most fedral and state institutions.
Another often heard defense is that executing criminals could of saved the taxpavers manv
dollars that could of been spent on food, shelter and clothing during a lifetime sentence.
1heir has actuallv been little to substantiate the deterant theorv because few criminals
consider getting caught when planning an illegal action. 1he theorv is, for the most part, archaic
and irrevalent to the question of capital punishment. lt is, in fact, another question in it's self.
While it is true that are penal institution our over-crowded, this is not a reason to kill people.
lf this logic is excepted, it would be permissible to kill three quarters of New York citv. Crowded
conditions and criminal punishment should not be confused with each other. 1hevr'e seperate
problems whose existance indicates that there is to much confusion.
As to the third claim, that much monev would be saved, l ask vou to value the worth of a
dead man. While it is true that the criminal who has been executed will no longer commit
crimes, a person who is helped to become a useful citizen can become quite viable.
lt is true, that there mav be incorigable people, who manv people will think should be killed:
but that person has the same right as evervone else. He need, perhaps, more help than
others--but l do not believe that its reallv a sound reason to kill him--or having him killed. 1he
hole of societv is effected in a bad wav when we start killing in the name of law and order. 1he
countries attitude better start changing or we'll all be in a mess.
lf it is wrong to kill one man, its twice as wrong to kill two.





1

2. LMNTS OI SATISIACTORY
WRITINC


o one likes to be reminded of
their shortcomings or failures.
Constant criticism isn't good for
the ego or self-confidence.
Checking vour writing for
correct sentence structure, mechanics, word
usage, spelling, punctuation and
capitalization--and making the needed
corrections--will reduce the amount of adverse
criticism vou'll receive on vour writing
assignments. lverv writing assignment done at
home ought to be nearlv error-free.
Writing in class, without the benefit of
surplus time, dictionaries, writing texts, and
the like poses special problems for some
students. Some teachers allow students to use
dictionaries during exams. lf vour teacher
allows this, make sure vou bring vour
dictionarv to school on the dav of the test. (lt
is a good idea to carrv a small dictionarv with
vou while at school.)
lf, however, vou are unable to write
basicallv proper and correct in-class
assignments, then vou should not enroll in a
course which requires a significant amount of
in-class writing. You will need to work on vour
basic writing skills before vou attempt such a
course. (Most likelv, vou will need to enroll in
a developmental writing course.)
Assuming that vou are able to write
basicallv proper and correct in-class
assignments, there are still three elements vou
should check before turning in anv written
assignment: CLARlTY, COHLRLNCL anJ
IOCLS.
Most student writing failures in
mainstream (i.e., non-developmental)
courses are due to lack of claritv, coherence
and/or focus.
You do not need to become an excellent
writer in order to do well on writing
assignments in vour non-lnglish courses. But
vou must be able to write well enough to
communicate to vour teachers that vou
understand vour assignments and have learned
the material. However, vou can't demonstrate
what vou know if vou can't focus on a subject
and write clearlv and coherentlv about it.


2.1 CLARITY


Insufficient claritv mav be due to
vagueness, ambiguitv or obscuritv.
Vagueness is usuallv a matter of using a word
or expression whose meaning is not precise or
definite enough. Referring to a philosophical
argument as 'stupid', without explaining in
what wav the argument fails, would be an
example of vague writing. ften, qualitative
terms are vague. lor example, we all want to
get rid of 'ncompetent' teachers, but just what
is meant bv 'incompetent teacher'' r, we
want to get rid of the 'jat' in government, but
just what is meant bv 'fat''
ften, too, quantitative expressions
regarding amounts, dates, times, etc. are
vague, e.g., 'not very much monev will be
needed to build a new national defense
svstem'. (]ust how much is 'not verv much'')
ften, a good example or illustration will
reduce or eliminate vagueness. With
auanttatve terms, however, the best wav to
reduce or eliminate vagueness is to substitute
the vague expression with one which is more
precise. With qualitative terms it will usuallv
be necessarv to provide a precsng Jejnton,
i.e., a list of conditions which an item must
fulfill to have the term correctlv applied to it.

Ambiguitv occurs when a word or



5

expression is used in such a wav that it can
be understood in more than one wav.
Ambiguitv is usuallv a matter of carelessness
and often involves using a pronoun whose
referent is unclear. lor example, "laws involve
commands, duties and sanctions. 1hev are
interrelated." lt is not clear what 'thev' refers
to. ften, the onlv wav to eliminate pronoun
reference ambiguitv is to not use the pronoun.
l.g. "laws involve the interrelated concepts of
commands, duties and sanctions" (rather than
the two sentences used in the previous
example).
Sometimes it is not what a word refers to
that is unclear, but what sense the word has in
a particular context. lor example, if a sign bv a
lake said IIN IOR IISHINC would it mean
that the fishing is good or that it is lawful to
fish or that it is not lawful to fish' Usuallv the
context makes it clear what sense of a word is
intended. lf it doesn't, then the ambiguous
expression ought to be exchanged for one that
is clear. (l.g., "$2O line for lishing" or "lawful
to lish Here" or "lxcellent lishing Here",
depending on what meaning is intended bv the
ambiguous expression.)

Sometimes the grammatical structure of
a sentence makes it ambiguous. When this is
the case, the writer often ends up saving one
thing but meaning another. lor example,
"Walking down the street, her house seemed
to get bigger." (1he house is walking,
according to this sentence. lt should read
something like "As she walked down the
street, her house appeared to get bigger."
What if she had written, "As she walked down
the street, it seemed to get bigger"' How
would vou correct that sentence') 1he onlv
wav to eliminate grammatical ambiguitv is to
correct the grammatical structure of the
sentence so that it is clear what vou mean to
sav and vou sav what vou mean.

Obscuritv in student writing is usuallv
due to incorrect word usage or convoluted
sentence structure. 1he former can be
reduced bv onlv using words vou know the
meaning of. 1he latter can often be reduced
bv simplv reducing the length of a sentence.
ften, however, obscure writing is due to lack
of clear connection between ideas, such as
between a general claim and its application. ln
such cases, a good example or illustration can
clarifv matters substantiallv. lor example,
"Oood reasoning should be clear. 1hat is,
there should be no doubt as to what vour point
is and what vour supports for that point are."




6

XRCIS 2 - CLARITY IN WRITINC (Answers on pages 39-40.)

Ior each of the following paragraphs: a. Circle anv vague or ambiguous expressions. (Suggest wavs to clarifv
or rewrite the material so that it is clearer.)
b. Mark obscure sentences or passages with a marginal, vertical line next to the obscuritv. (Trv to rewrite
the passage in clear nglish.)
c. Indicate places where examples or illustrations are needed.

1. I had a terrible time driving last week. On Mondav, coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided
with a tree I don't have. On Tuesdav, a pedestrian hit me and went under mv car. The guv was all over the road.
I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. On Wednesdav, as I approached the intersection, a stop sign
suddenlv appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. So, when I saw that I couldn't avoid
the collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into another car. But the worst was vet to come. On Thursdav,
an invisible car came out of nowhere, struck mv vehicle and vanished!

2. Walking in the rain, the house got dimmer and dimmer. I saw Marv and asked her how her mother was.
Marv hated her mother. She was verv cruel. She told me that Carol and her mother did not see eve to eve on
her friendship with ]onathan. She's a sociologist who makes her living bv showing the degrading effects of
povertv and ignorance. She once had severe pains when she laid on her side for over a vear.

3. Objective considerations of contemporarv phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in
competitive activities exhibits no tendencv to be commensurate with innate capacitv, but that a considerable
element of the unpredictable must invariablv be taken into account.

4. Todav there was an event at the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant in Pennsvlvania. There was some
slight energetic disassemblv and rapid oxidation. We consider these events, however, to be normal aberrations.
There was some infiltration as plutonium took up residence in a restricted area. Those communities with
similar nuclear reactors need not worrv as this event is clearlv within an acceptable flat band of risk.

5. We must not allow police brutalitv. Too much violence bv a policeman should lead to automatic suspension
from the force while the incident is being investigated. xcessive brutalitv should not be tolerated in a free
societv. Libertv and police terrorism do not mix well in a democracv. Let's stop this brutalitv now, before it is
too late.

6. Cenerallv speaking, abortion should not be allowed. But there are some situations where it should be up to
the woman and her phvsician, not the state or the communitv. These situations should be clear to evervone
with even half a brain, so I won't go into anv detail.

7. In respect to abortion, this phenomenon exists with relation to the premise that the unborn person is in fact a
person in everv sense of the word, due all rights which accompanv the state of personhood. Most importantlv,
the fetus is due its right to life. I shall assume that evervone is well aware that argumentation on this particular
premise is still being conducted and no true conclusion is realisticallv foreseen upcoming in the near future.
Nonetheless, such is the foundation of much anti-abortion argumentation, and since no clear conclusion
appears to be forthcoming, I shall for the breath of the paper accept the premise that the fetus is a person and
examine the development of the argument from there.

S. The first amendment to the federal constitution states that "Congress shall make no laws respecting an
establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." This amendment requires the separation of
church and state, and since public schools are run bv the government at some level, religious activitv in public
schools has been closelv watched.


7

2.2 COHRNT AND IOCUSD
WRITINC

Coherent writing has clear connections
between ideas, between sentences, and
between paragraphs. locused writing has a
clear purpose and a clear topic. Connections
establish relations and make transitions. |See
mv Student Success Cuide - Part I, Studv
Skills, especiallv the material on transitional
expressions, relations, and the language of
questions, viz., sections 1.3, 1.1 and 1.5.]
Iocus establishes what vou are writing
about and whv. Without focus, writing
cannot be coherent.
Manv students confuse writing about an
issue with focusing. 1hev are not identical.
IOCUSD WRITINC STABLISHS IN
TH BCINNINC PARACRAPH A
PRCIS TOPIC AND PURPOS. 1he
remaining paragraphs must then be related to
the established topic and purpose. An essav on
the harmful effects of pornographv, for
example, would not necessarilv be focused
simplv because everv sentence in the essav had
something to do with pornographv. 1o be
focused, the sentences would have to be
relevant to the purpose of the essav.
Student writing often fails because it
does not have a clear focus or purpose. lt
rambles or wanders from point to point,
without anv clear direction. lt is, in short,
incoherent. Much adverse criticism on written
assignments can be avoided bv learning to
write coherentlv. 1he first step is to learn how
to focus vour writing. lor this, we will return
to some slightlv modified material on focused
reading which was introduced in the Student
Success Cuide - Studv Skills book.
Coherent essav writing has four parts: title,
introduction, main bodv, and conclusion.
1hese parts must be clearlv related to each
other, as indicated bv the following outline of
the structure of a well-formed essav.

S1RUC1URl l AN lSSAY

l. 1itle
ll. lntroduction (to the essav)
lll. Bodv (of the essav)
A. Paragraph
a. Main or subsidiarv point
b. Support for main or subsidiarv point
i. Background material
ii. lllustrations or examples
iii. Reasons
aa. Suggesting purposes
bb. Supporting conclusions
cc. Oiving explanations
c. 1ransitions
B. Paragraph
. . . .(same as above, lll.A). . . .
lV. Conclusion (of essav)



o

2.2.1 TITLS


The title of an essav should reveal its topic. Since a title should be short, it usuallv should
not reveal in detail what the writer plans to do with that topic. 1itles of student essavs often
reveal the presence or lack of focus. Oenerallv speaking, the more specific a title is, the more
focused the writing tends to be.
Below are four lists of titles, each descending from more general titles to more specific ones.
Note how the more specific the title is, the clearer the idea is as to what the essav will focus on.



XAMPLS OI SSAY TITLS


l. Oreece
Oreek 1ragedv
Sophocles and 1ragedv
"Antigone"
1he Concept of Dutv in "Antigone"
Would Antigone Have Been a Draftdodger'


ll. Ood
1he lxistence of Ood
Proofs for the lxistence of Ood
1he lmpossibilitv of Proving Ood lxists


lll. Oreece and lgvpt
Religion and Art in Oreece and lgvpt
1he Social and Political lunction of Religious Art in Ancient Oreece and lgvpt


lV. Abortion
Arguments for and against Abortion
Reason and lmotion in Abortion-Arguments
Reasonable Arguments in the Abortion Controversv


9

2.2.2 INTRODUCTORY PARACRAPHS


Titles and introductorv paragraphs
should be closelv related. 1he introductorv
paragraph must contain an opening statement
and a thesis statement. 1he opening paragraph
should establish a context, it should let the
reader know what the topic is in more detail
than the title. lt should inform the reader of
the writer's intentions: what are vou going to
trv to do in the paper' Oood writers use

the introduction to stimulate interest in the
essav bv indicating some interesting fact about
the topic's historv or bv noting its significance
or value.
Below vou will find examples of introductorv
paragraphs for each of the most specific titles
from the list of example titles given above.
Note that each example lets the reader know
the thesis and purpose of the essav.



Example 1
Would Antigone Have Been a Draftdodger!

"Antigone" has significance for the modern reader even though it was written two
thousand vears ago. 1he question of what one should do when dutv to the state conflicts
with moral dutv must still be asked. Antigone's dilemma is the same that faced manv
voung men during the Vietnam War. 1o understand her behavior in Sophocles'
masterpiece, we must understand her concept of dutv. Perhaps bv understanding
Antigone's values and actions, we will be able to better understand the draft resistors of
our own countrv. lor, manv of them seemed to share Antigone's idea of a moral dutv to
obev a 'higher law' which conflicts with the law of the state.

Example 2
The Impossibilitv of Proving Cod xists

Whether or not the existence of Ood can be proven bv rational arguments has been
debated for centuries. Despite the manv arguments for Ood's existence, such as Anselm's
famous ontological argument or St. 1homas's five proofs, l will show that it is impossible
to prove the existence of Ood.



1O

Example 3
The Social and Political Iunction of Religious Art
in Ancient Creece and gvpt
Example 4
Reasonable Arguments in the Abortion Controversv

Abortion is a topic likelv to raise more violent emotions than reasoned arguments.
Nevertheless, there are some reasonable voices in this emotional wilderness, and it is their
arguments on abortion l will present and analvze. A minimum condition for being a
'reasonable voice' is not to expect others to accept on faith statements that are
unprovable. 1hus, anv argument that would trv to enforce bv law a proposition that is
unprovable is necessarilv unreasonable, in mv view. Statements such as "Ood infuses a
soul into everv union of human gametes at the moment a zvgote is formed" are
unprovable. lt mav not be unreasonable to believe such a claim in the context of one's
religious faith, but it is unreasonable to require others to share vour faith. ln this essav, l
will explain whv such a demand is unreasonable, as l attempt to demonstrate what
constitutes a reasonable argument on the topic of abortion.


Religion and art were verv closelv connected in both ancient Oreece and lgvpt. But in
Oreece the arts affirmed human freedom and dignitv, while in lgvpt the arts primarilv
affirmed the power of the pharaoh. Oreek art reflects a humane, non-dogmatic view of the
gods, whereas lgvptian art reflects rigiditv and stiffness. 1he historv of Oreek art shows us
a dvnamic, changing societv. 1he historv of lgvptian art shows us a static, unchanging
societv. 1o understand these differences in art and their relationship to differences in the
social and political structure of the two societies, it is essential to understand the
differences between the religious beliefs which gave rise to them.



11

1he example titles and introductions share the common qualitv of being well-focused. 1hev
indicate a writer who knows what she is about, and whv. lach title is clear and specific. lach
introductorv paragraph has a clear opening and thesis statement. Some of the example titles and
paragraphs are more interesting than others, but the main thing is that each does what it is
supposed to do.

XRCIS 3 - CHCKINC TITLS AND INTRODUCTIONS

Read each of the following titles and introductorv paragraphs. Write a short evaluation of
each paragraph. Do the titles and introductions clearlv state the purpose and focus of the essav'
(Answers on pages 1O-11.)


1. Praver in School

"Whv can't freedom to acknowledge Ood be enjoved again bv children in everv schoolroom
across this land'" 1his question was asked bv President Reagan in his State of the Union message.


2. 1he Death Penaltv: Right or Wrong'

1he Death Penaltv has alwavs been a controversial issue. l will trv mv best to present both
sides on equal terms.


3. 1he Moralitv of Abortion

When speaking of abortion it is at once a moral, medical, legal, sociological, demographic,
religious and psvchological issue, amazinglv complex and not easilv amendable to
one-dimensional thinking. lverv person who considers the permissibilitv of abortion will no doubt
view the issue with varving perspectives. When an issue becomes so overwhelminglv complex an
individual tends to associate an individual premise of the issue with the issue as a whole. 1his is a
defensive mechanism which makes the issue easier to deal with.


1. llat Rate 1axes

nce scoffed at as an idealistic fool's dream, the modified flat rate income tax is now gaining
serious supporters. 1his is not surprising when the merits of the flat tax are compared to the
complexities and apparent inequities of the current progressive income tax. However, if vou look
a little deeper it can be seen that the flat tax is, at best, a step in the right direction.


12
5. Bilingual lducation: Shattering the linguistic Barrier

Children learn better when taught in their native tongue. Children learn better when cultural
disparities are concurrentlv addressed. Children need careful and conscientious training in
learning, understanding and speaking lnglish as a second language before learning to read and
write it. Meanwhile, children need their curriculum taught in their first language so that their
conceptual development does not suffer. 1herefore, bilingual/bicultural instruction in our schools
is an educational asset that should be properlv exercised to ensure the most advantageous
learning possible.



6. Handgun Control

During the last decade we have experienced the greatest increase of crime in our historv.
lach vear more than 17O,OOO people are killed bv a handgun. |1] Sales of handguns in California
rose 3 percent over last vear and are expected to reach 5 million sales bv the vear 19o7.|2]
Something must be done to stop the violence in our countrv.



7. Argument lavoring Mandatorv Seat Belt legislation

1he United States has one of the lowest vehicular fatalitv rates, per miles driven, in the
world. Deaths per 1OO million miles have steadilv declined from 11.2 in 1915 to 3.1 in 1977.
Despite this seeminglv admirable claim, 15,OOO persons died on U.S. freewavs in 19o2 as a result
of vehicular trauma. 1he problem of road related trauma accounts for more than 9O per cent of
all transport fatalities and is the fourth leading public health problem in the United States. lor
voung adults, ranging in age from 15 to 21, this is the leading cause of death. With the number of
fatalities the United States is now experiencing, it would be relativelv easv to acquire the
necessarv number of names to fill a memorial wall similar to that of the Vietnam War Memorial
in Washington, D.C.



o. 1he Right to Die

lt has been estimated that the medical advances of the last 1O vears exceed all medical
progress of the preceding 1OO vears. 1odav, countless doctors are able to perform life-saving
miracles on their patients. However, this new technologv has also confronted us with a dilemma
we never had to consider before.



13

9. 1he lmmoralitv of Capital Punishment for Murderers

Some proponents of capital punishment justifv the death penaltv on the ground that it not
onlv deters an executed murderer from committing anv more murders, but also deters others from
committing murders, too. 1he first claim is certainlv true: dead men can't commit murders. And
the second part mav verv well be true to some extent, though how significant the deterrent effect
of the death penaltv is remains uncertain. lven so, the central issue regarding the justification of
the death penaltv is not the significance of its deterrent effect. 1he main issue is a moral one, and
deterrence is irrelevant to the moral justification of the death penaltv. lf premeditated killing bv
the state could be morallv justified solelv bv its consequences, then theoreticallv there can be no
limit to the kinds of actions that the state could justifiablv punish bv death. 1he death penaltv
cannot be morallv justified bv its consequences. lf the premeditated killing of a convicted criminal
bv the state can be justified, it will have to be on the grounds that the criminal deserves such a
punishment because of the nature of his crime. However, l will demonstrate that there is no
crime that deserves death, and thus that capital punishment is immoral.




2.2.3 BODY PARACRAPHS

A satisfactorv introduction informs the
reader of the topic and purpose of the essav.
1he bodv of the essav should consist of main
points and their support. 1he bodv paragraphs
should fulfill the promise of the introduction.
Refer to section 2.2.2, above. ln
lXAMPll 1 (page 9)--"Would Antigone
Have Been a Draftdodger'"--the bodv
paragraphs should explain Antigone's concept
of dutv and applv it to draft resistors during
the Vietnam war. ln lXAMPll 2 (page
9)--"1he lmpossibilitv of Proving Ood
lxists"--the bodv paragraphs should show how
the standard arguments for the existence of
Ood fail and explain whv all such arguments
must fail. ln lXAMPll 3 (page 1O)--"1he
Social and Political lunction of Religious Art
in Ancient Oreece and lgvpt"--the bodv
paragraphs should explain the main differences
in religious beliefs between the ancient
lgvptians and Oreeks and show how those
religious differences were expressed in art. lt
should also



demonstrate a connection between the
different arts and the different social and
political institutions in the two societies. ln
lXAMPll 1 (page 1O)--"Reasonable
Arguments in the Abortion Controversv"--the
bodv paragraphs should explain whv it is
unreasonable to expect others to accept
unprovable statements which vou take on
faith. lt should also establish criteria for what
constitutes a reasonable argument. linallv, it
should present and analvze some reasonable
arguments on abortion.



14
The support for main or subsidiarv
points should consist of


A. BACKORUND MA1lRlAl
and/or
B. lllUS1RA1lNS, lXAMPllS,
U1A1lNS and/or
C. RlASNS

Background material should be given to
support the understanding of the material.
lts main function is to clarifv the meaning,
function or significance of the material. How
much and what kind of background material
ought to be presented depends upon the
nature of the audience and the purpose of the
writing. lor example, a paper for an
introductorv philosophv course on Plato's
argument regarding the difference between
knowledge and opinion should not consist of
several pages of biographical information.
Such information would be unnecessarv
because it would not help the reader (vour
teacher) determine whether or not vou
understand Plato's argument. But, anv
concepts peculiar to ancient Oreek societv
which bear upon understanding Plato's
argument should be presented.
How much background information would
be needed for essavs on the topics in the
examples above' lor lXAMPll 1 (page 9),
enough information should be given so that
the reader knows who Antigone is, what
situation exists in the plav that leads to her
moral dilemma, and what she does in response
to her situation. Biographical information on
Sophocles, information on other plavs bv
Sophocles, the origins of Oreek drama, etc.,
are unnecessarv.
lor lXAMPll 2 (page 9), verv little, if
anv, background information need be given.
Some information on the purpose of
arguments for Ood's existence might be given.
ther background information might liven up
the essav some, but it is doubtful that it would
clarifv the arguments to be presented.
lor lXAMPll 3 (page 1O), background
information should be spread throughout the
essav as needed to clarifv the specific works of
art, and the religious, social and political
practices and beliefs that are mentioned.
lor lXAMPll 1 (page 1O), verv little, if
anv background information is needed. Most
people are aware of the abortion controversv
and of the highlv emotional nature of the
public debate on the issue.



Illustrations, examples and quotations
are given not onlv to clarifv points but to
support general claims. How manv
illustrations, examples or quotations should be
given depends on the nature and purpose of
the essav. An essav on a topic such as that in
lXAMPll 3 (page 1O) should contain manv
examples of works of art from both lgvpt and
Oreece. An essav on a topic such as that in
lXAMPll 1 (page 9) would not require manv
illustrations or examples. Several quotations
should be given in lXAMPllS 2 and 1.
Reasons will generallv be statements of
purpose, statements in support of
conclusions, or explanatorv statements.
Statements of purpose are reasons whv
someone has done (or will do) something,
including whv the author has written what she
did.
Reasons given to support conclusions are
called premises, thev are given to support the
truth or reasonable certaintv of their
conclusions.
Reasons whv some event happened or
some action was taken are given to explain
events or positions.

15




lXAMPll 1 (page 9) would require an
argument to justifv Antigone's actions and an
explanation of how her situation is like that of
the draft resistor. lXAMPll 2 (page 9)
should present the kinds of reasons given in
traditional arguments to support the
conclusion that Ood exists. 1he author must
also present her own reasons in support of her
conclusion that it is impossible to prove Ood
exists.
1he author of the essav in lXAMPll 3
(page 1O) must support the several claims
made in the opening paragraph regarding both
the relationship of art to religion and the
relationship of art and religion to the social
and political structure of ancient Oreek and
lgvptian societies. 1he author of the essav in
lXAMPll 1 (page 1O) must provide the
demonstration promised in the opening
paragraph.



XRCIS 4 - CHCKINC POINTS AND
SUPPORT

Read the following argumentative essav in
support of mandatorv seat belt legislation.
1. ls the main point of each paragraph
clear' lf it is, paraphrase it in a single
sentence. lf it is not, trv to specifv how it needs
to be improved.
2. lndicate support statements with letters
above them: M or S for Main or Subsidiarv
point, B for Background material, l for
lxample or lllustration and R for Reason.
3. lf a support statement is a Reason,
indicate in the margin next to it whether it
states a purpose, premise or explanation.
(Answers on pages 11-15.)



Argument Iavoring Mandatorv Seat Belt Legislation

1he United States has one of the lowest vehicular fatalitv rates, per miles driven, in the
world. Deaths per 1OO million miles have steadilv declined from 11.2 in 1915 to 3.1 in 1977.
Despite this seeminglv admirable claim, 15,OOO persons died on U.S. freewavs in 19o2 as a result
of vehicular trauma. 1he problem of road related trauma accounts for more than 9O per cent of
all transport fatalities and is the fourth leading public health problem in the United States. lor
voung adults, ranging in age from 15 to 21, this is the leading cause of death. With the number of
fatalities the United States is now experiencing, it would be relativelv easv to acquire the
necessarv number of names to fill a memorial wall similar to that of the Vietnam War Memorial
in Washington, D.C.
But there is still a larger problem that has to be dealt with after the dead are buried. 1he costs
to societv, in terms of medical and rehabilitation costs, insurance premiums, and lost productivitv
to emplovers far exceed the actual economic burdens imposed bv deaths. 1his problem is due to
the sheer number of non-fatal injuries, which is currentlv estimated at 1 million annuallv. lor

16
instance, in medical cases where the costs to the patient or familv amounted to at least $1OO,OOO,
5O per cent had suffered brain and/or spinal cord damage. Road trauma produces more new
paraplegics and quadriplegics each vear in the United States than anv other form of accident. lt is
also the leading cause of epilepsv. Additionallv, on-the-job costs from road trauma directlv and
indirectlv cost U.S. emplovers an average of approximatelv $12O,OOO per victim as a result of
medical insurance, workers compensation, unemplovment taxes, lost workdavs and
administrative costs. 1he total annual price tag for automobile deaths and injuries is approaching
57 billion dollars' Yet, we could significantlv reduce this cost bv enacting mandatorv seat belt
legislation. ver 11 countries have enacted some form of seat belt legislation, and 21 of those
foreign laws have been studied bv the U.S. Department of 1ransportation. 1he focus of the
evaluation was the historv of the laws, implementation, specification of each law, compliance of
seat belt usage and the overall effectiveness of each law with respect to reducing injuries and
deaths. 1he studv found that attitudes about seat belt use and laws did not correlate with
observed behavior. Moreover, enforcement bv police--which in most cases was limited to a small
fine and non-selective enforcement--was significant in equating compliance and enactment of
legislation. All countries saw an immediate 2OO-3OO per cent increase in compliance upon
enactment. Moreover, the average reduction in fatalities and injuries was from 15-3O per cent.
f course, it is difficult to predict if the United States would experience similar success if
mandatorv seat belt legislation were to be enacted here. But, Canada--a countrv much like our
own in manv relevant respects--witnessed an increase in seat belt usage from 17 percent to 76.o
percent when thev enacted their seat belt law. Also, after three vears of living with the new law,
Canadians have seen the automobile death and injurv rate drop bv 13 per cent, the number of
hospitalized victims drop bv 16 per cent, the cost of treatment drop bv 1O per cent and the
average cost of rehabilitation drop bv 6.5 per cent. Some of these effects, though, can be
attributed to the fact that speed limits were reduced during this same period.
pponents to mandatorv seat belt legislation argue that the state has no right to limit their
libertv unless their behavior is harmful to others. 1he truth is that it is not onlv the person who
does not wear a seat belt who is harmed when an accident occurs. 1he rest of us are harmed, too,
bv increasing our automobile and hospitalization insurance costs and bv increasing our tax
burden as we are forced to support more and more victims and their families with state monies.
People who used to contribute to the economv and the communitv now become financial
burdens to the communitv. 1he mandatorv seat belt law is no more an unreasonable limitation of
libertv than are traffic laws. Consequentlv, Congress or the states ought to enact mandatorv seat
belt legislation as soon as possible.



2.2.4 TRANSITIONS

While each paragraph has its own
structure, it must be connected to the other
paragraphs to give the whole bodv of the essav
its coherence. 1o indicate a shift from
paragraph to paragraph, or a shift from a main
point to a subsidiarv one, or a shift from one
supporting point to another supporting or
contrasting point, writers use transitional
expressions. 1hese expressions not onlv mark
shifts in ideas, thev also relate ideas. 1hev
connect what comes before them with what

17
comes after them. Using transitional
expressions will help vou write coherentlv, for,
it will help vou focus on the relationships of
the various parts of the essav vou are writing.

Below, vou will find a list of relations and
transitional expressions used to establish them.
ln vour own writing

1. ldentifv what relationship vou want to
establish between two ideas, then use an
appropriate transitional expression to connect
the ideas.
2. Be careful not to link numerous ideas in a
single sentence.

3. When beginning a new line of thought
indicate this bv starting a new paragraph.






RLATIONSHIPS AND TRANSITIONAL XPRSSIONS


RllA1lNSHlP 1RANSl1lNAl lXPRlSSlN


ADDl1lN and, also, again, besides, moreover,
too, furthermore, in addition, firstlv,

SlUlNCl next, then, first, last, second, finallv,
soon, since, shortlv

CMPARlSN similarlv, likewise, bv comparison,
in the same (or like) wav (or manner)

CN1RAS1 on the other hand, but, vet, nevertheless,
still, however, on the contrarv, in contrast,
otherwise, despite

lllUMlNA1lN for example, that is, in fact, for instance,
specificallv, particularlv, to clarifv

lXPlANA1lN, for this reason, because, since,
PRl or for, in order to, to this end
AROUMlN1 (premise)

AROUMlN1 (conclusion) therefore, in conclusion, so, thus,
consequentlv, as a result, it follows that


1S


XRCIS 5 - CHCKINC TRANSITIONS

Oo through the essav of lxercise 1 and circle anv transitional expressions. Where vou think
there should be a transitional expression but there is none, write 'tr'. (Answers on p. 15.)


2.2.5 CONCLUDINC PARACRAPH

1he conclusion of an essav should explicitlv tie together the several points made in the bodv
of the essav to the thesis statement made in the introduction. A conclusion should summarize
what an essav has attempted to do and what it has accomplished. You should not include vour
own evaluation of vour work in vour conclusion. let the reader decide on the merits of vour
essav.

XRCIS 6 - CHCKINC CONCLUSIONS

Read the following conclusions of essavs. Do thev seem to tie together several points or
summarize what the essav tried to do or accomplish' ln general terms, what is good or bad about
these conclusions' (Without reading the entire essav vour comments on a conclusion must be in
verv general terms.)
(Answers on pages 15-16.)



lxercise 6 - Concluding Paragraphs

1. ln all of the world, there is no place where freedom of religion is more prevalent than in the
United States. 1he opportunitv to worship is available anv time. rganized voluntarv praver in
the public schools is not necessarv and it is undesirable. 1he certain adverse consequences of
so-called voluntarv praver far outweigh the uncertain benefits. Children who do not join in the
majoritv's religious activitv will be made to feel persecuted for their religious beliefs. And, if
centuries of praving in places of worship have not led to the development of good character and
moral behavior, it boggles the mind to think that a few seconds of praving together in a profane
place will suddenlv cure all our moral ills.

2. However, l agree with his solution and despite some rather disturbing material, l found his
argument to be much more sound and reasonable.

3. 1hroughout the breath of this paper, l have been granting that the fetus is a person as abortion
opponents suggest. l have concentrated on questioning whether their conclusions, abortion is
impermissible for varied reasons, follows their argument with necessitv. l think it does not. l feel

19
that so long as a woman has not consciouslv given another person permission to use her bodv, the
other person has no right to demand use or continued use of her bodv. l view a persons 'right to
life' as no more than a statement that people should not be killed unjustlv. ln essence, l believe
that a woman has everv right to decide what happens in and to her own bodv in most cases. All
the premises l've offered to support mv opinion lead me to feel that given the correct motives,
abortion mav be considered morallv permissible. |N1l: leel free to correct anv basic writing
errors in this paragraph.]

1. lor these reasons and those stated earlier, changes toward a flat rate tax, despite the inequities
and problems that mav occur, is an improvement over the existing svstem.

5. ln regarding the most advantageous learning environment for the non-lnglish speaking child,
evidence concerning bilingual/bicultural education clearlv supports the implementation of such.
A 1979 statement issued bv the New York based Carnegie Corporation concluded that
"regardless of the current debate, the fact remains that there are millions of children in the U.S.
schools who speak little or no lnglish. Since neither quick immersion nor lSl alone has worked
well with children from low-income, non-lnglish speaking backgrounds," reasoned Alan Pifer,
foundation president, "teaching such voungsters in their first language while thev are learning
lnglish would appear to be a sensible alternative."

6. Something must be done soon, before another 17O,OOO people are killed this vear.

7. Because l feel mv premises are sound and l have argued and analvzed the opposition, l feel l am
justified in saving doctors should have a right to discontinue treatment to terminallv ill patients.

2.2.6 WRITINC SSAYS - A CHCKLIST


Before turning in an essav, go through the following checklist.


1. ClARl1Y

1.1 ls anv expression ambiguous, too vague, or obscure'

1.2 Are definitions given where needed'

1.3 ls the thesis and purpose of the essav clear'

1.1 Are there examples, illustrations and quotations where needed'


2O


2. CHlRlNCl

2.1 ls each sentence clearlv related to those before and after it'

2.2 ls each paragraph clearlv related to those before and after it'

2.3 Are appropriate transition words used to indicate how vour sentences
and paragraphs are related'

2.1 Do statements which need support have sufficient reasons, facts or details to
back them up'


3. lCUS

3.1 Do vou state in the first paragraph vour purpose and focus'

3.2 Does each sentence in a paragraph clearlv relate to the other sentences in
that paragraph'

3.3 Does each paragraph clearlv relate to the other paragraphs'

3.1 Does vour conclusion tie together vour thesis and support'


2.3 A MTHOD IOR WRITINC SSAYS

riting will be easier if it is
svstematic and methodical.
1here is no recipe for great
writing, but there are several
methods for writing
satisfactorilv.
ne of the more successful methods for
beginning essav writers is known as the
SlWlR method. 1he method introduced
here is a variation on that method, it might be
called the SlWlR method. SlWlR is
an acronvm for

Select a topic.
List vour ideas.
Organize vour ideas.
Outline vour essav.
Write vour first draft.
dit vour first draft.
Rewrite vour essav.

1. SLCTINC TH TOPIC. Before
selecting a topic, consider how much time vou
have to write the essav. Select a topic vou can
fit easilv into vour schedule. Begin bv drawing
up a list of possible topics. When making up




21
vour list, trv to come up with specIIIc topics
rather than verv general ones. But even verv
general topics are better than none at all. You
can alwavs narrow down vour topic after vou
have listed vour ideas and before vou begin
vour outline.
Base vour list on topics suggested bv vour
teacher or discussed in class or the text book.
Use the subject index of vour text to give vou
some ideas. lf necessarv, go to the librarv and
use the subject catalogue index to look up
titles of books, one might provide vou with a
topic. While making vour list of topics, do not
evaluate them. Begin the selecting process
onlv after vou have several topics on vour list.

When selecting a topic, consider what
interests vou and what vour knowledge of the
potential topics is. lf possible, select a topic
related to vour experience and not too
technical for vou to handle. You do not want
to do more research than is necessarv.
Research takes time.
lf vou have difficultv in selecting a topic
from vour list, use the process of elimination to
arrive at vour topic. Reject first the topic vou
least want to write about. Repeat this
procedure until vou are left with one topic.
2. MAK A LIST OI IDAS. Use vour
memorv, notes, and studv cards |See
Student Success GuIde - Study
SkIlls, section 6.] to help vou make up a list
of ideas related to vour topic. Your list should
include anvthing vou can think of that has
anvthing at all to do with vour topic. Don't be
critical when making up the list. 1he point of
this activitv is to list ideas, not to select the
ones vou will include in vour paper. 1hat
comes later.
An example of listing ideas is given on the
following page. 1he topic selected is "Religious
Art in Ancient Oreece and Ancient lgvpt."
look over the list before going on. (1he list is
copied in lxercise 7. Use the copv as vou read
the next section on organizing vour ideas.)




22
XAMPL LISTINC OI IDAS

Religious Art in Ancient Creece and Ancient gvpt

religion

the Parthenon

moderation

art

temple of Athena Nike

ostentatious

Oreece

temple of Karnak

individualism

lgvpt

pvramids

wealth c luxurv

temples

columns/pillars

povertv

hardship

sculptures

pvlons

statues

poems
Horus

tombs

paintings

Athena

lightness

vases

animals

heaviness

lliad

fate

rigiditv

architecture

life after death

softness

philosophv

mass

gods

friezes

colossal size

change
metopes

stvlized

stabilitv

capitals

realism

goddesses

music

idealism

Sophocles

tragedies

power

suffering

edipus Rex

restraint

pharaoh

hubris

order

democracv

autocracv

freedom

23

3. ORCANIZ YOUR IDAS. 1he

ideas on vour list now must be organized into
groups, so that vou can make an outline for
vour essav. 1o do this, vou will need some
principles or rules according to which vour
ideas will be grouped. Sometimes a useful
organizing principle will be obvious. lor
example, vour topic mav lead naturallv to
grouping vour ideas into pros and cons, or
contrasting views on the same subject, or
benefits and drawbacks of a position or
strengths and weaknesses of an argument. At
other times, however, vou will have to studv
vour list carefullv as vou grope for wavs to
group vour ideas.
lt is best to begin bv eliminating those
terms which so general that thev are likelv to
fit in almost anv grouping vou make. Anv term
which is in vour title ought to be crossed off.
1hus, on the example list, begin bv crossing off
'religion', 'art', 'Oreece' and 'lgvpt'.
You can begin grouping anv item on vour
list, but it is usuallv a good idea to begin with
some item whose relationship to other items
on the list is clear to vou. Circle that item and
then go through the entire list, circling the
same kind of items. n the example list a good
starting point might be 'temples'. look for
kinds of temples and circle them, viz., 'the
Parthenon,' the 'temple of Athena Nike,' and
the 'temple of Karnak'.
Next, look for an item which is more
general than the item vou started with.
Discover this bv asking 'what kind of thing is
it'' lor example, what kind of thing is a
temple' lt is a religious building. Since
buildings are products of architecture, circle
'architecture.' ls there anvthing else on the list
which is also a product of architecture' Yes,
pvramids and tombs are both products of
architecture. Circle both terms.
linallv, look for items which are more
specific than the item vou started with. ln our
example list, there are several items which are
parts of temples, viz., friezes, metopes, capitals,
columns/pillars, and pvlons. Circle the terms
representing these items.
Repeat the above procedure until most
items on vour list have been grouped. Use
other figures (such as squares, brackets,
diamonds, etc.) to indicate groupings. lor
example, several of the items on the example
list refer to qualities of Oreek art. 1hese might
be boxed, viz., 'realism,' 'idealism,' 'restraint,'
'order,' 'softness,' 'individualism,' 'moderation,'
and 'lightness.' Several terms might be
organized around the principle of qualities of
lgvptian art: 'rigiditv,' 'mass,' 'colossal size,'
'stvlized,' 'power,' 'stabilitv,' 'ostentatious,' and
'heaviness'. 1hese terms might be bracketed.
Several items might be grouped according
to the principle of characteristics of Oreek
societv. lor example, 'change,' 'democracv,'
'freedom,' 'povertv and hardship'. 1hese might
be indicated bv wedges ('<' and '>'). ther
items refer to characteristics of lgvptian life,
viz., 'pharaoh,' 'autocracv,' 'rigiditv,' 'wealth
and luxurv'. 1hese terms might be indicated
bv asterisks. (ltems which fall into more than
one grouping,' such as 'rigiditv', should be
marked off with more than one set of svmbols,
e.g., *|rigiditv]*.)
Several of the remaining items in the example list mav be grouped under the heading of
themes in Oreek tragedies and epic poetrv, viz., 'hubris,' 'fate,' 'life after death' and 'suffering'.
1riangles might be used to group these items together with poems, 'the lliad),' 'tragedies,'
'Sophocles,' and 'edipus Rex)'. |1he item 'literature' might be added to the list of ideas. A
triangle would then be put around it and the term 'philosophv' as well, since philosophv, epic
poetrv and tragedv are kinds of literature. Another option would be to cross off philosophv,

21
indicating that it is not relevant to the thesis.]
f the terms which now remain, 'Horus,' 'Athena,' 'gods' and 'goddesses' go together (Horus
is an lgvptian god, Athena is a Oreek goddess). (Slashes might be used to mark off these terms.)
1hat leaves onlv 'paintings', 'vases', 'music', 'animals', 'sculptures' and 'statues'. Before
considering what to do with these items, it should be noted that in most groupings of lists of
ideas, there will be several items that seem to stand alone. Such items are either
(1) relevant, but verv general (and hence evervthing] else on the list seems related to them),
or
(2) relevant, but related to nothing else on the list (and hence the list ought to be expanded
to include other related items), or
(3) irrelevant (and hence items vou should cross off vour list).
1he remaining items might be disposed of as follows:
Since painting was important in lgvptian religious art, the list ought to be expanded to
include examples (such as tomb paintings, hieroglvphics and papvrus paintings). Oreek vase
painting would make up a contrasting group.
Since relativelv little is known about either ancient lgvptian or Oreek music, it would be best
to omit this item from the list.

1he term 'animals' might be grouped with 'gods' and 'goddesses', if the term 'metamorphosis'
is added and grouped with them, for, both the ancient lgvptians and Oreeks represented their
gods as capable of taking on animal forms. 1his idea is reflected in their art as well.
linallv, the terms 'sculpture' and 'statue' are practicallv svnonvmous. Since sculpture was a
verv important religious art in both ancient lgvpt and Oreece, the list should be expanded to
include several representative examples of Oreek and lgvptian sculptures.



25
EXERCISE 7: GROUPING IDEAS

Use the marks and symbols recommended above in section 3 to group the items in the list below.

religion

the Parthenon

moderation

art

temple of Athena Nike

ostentatious

Oreece

temple of Karnak

individualism

lgvpt

pvramids

wealth c luxurv

temples

columns/pillars

povertv,hardship

sculptures

pvlons

statues

poems

Horus

tombs

paintings

Athena

lightness

vases

animals

heaviness

lliad

fate

rigiditv

architecture

life after death

softness

philosophv

mass

gods

friezes

colossal size

change

metopes

stvlized

stabilitv

capitals

realism

goddesses

music

idealism

hubris

tragedies

power

pharaoh

Sophocles

suffering

autocracv

edipus Rex

restraint

order

democracv

freedom

26



4. OUTLININC TH SSAY. A list with groupings according to several organizing
principles usuallv makes outlining an essav much easier than outlining from scratch. 1o illustrate
how to make an outline from a grouped list, we will use the above list and organizing principles to
make a preliminarv outline for an essav on "Religious Art in Ancient lgvpt and Oreece".
1he first step is to reorganize our listed items according to the organizing principles used to
group them. Studv the list of items and organizing principles on the next page before continuing.

27
XAMPL: LIST OI CROUPD ITMS & THIR ORCANIZINC PRINCIPLS


Religious Art in Ancient gvpt and Creece

items organizing principle

temples, the Parthenon tvpes of architecture
temple of Athena Nike
temple of Karnak, pvramids, tombs

friezes, metopes parts of temples
capitals, columns, pvlons

realism, idealism, order, qualities of Creek art
restraint, softness, individualism
moderation, lightness

rigiditv, mass, stvlized qualities of gvptian art
colossal size, power, stabilitv
ostentatious heaviness

change, democracv characteristics of
povertv, freedom, hardship Creek societv

pharaoh, autocracv characteristics of
wealth, rigiditv, luxurv gvptian societv

hubris, fate themes in Creek
life after death, suffering tragedies & epic poems

Horus, Athena gods & goddesses

vases Creek painting

tomb walls, papvrus gvptian painting

animals, gods c goddesses metamorphosis

Phidias's 'Athena' Creek sculptures
Praxiteles's Hermes c
Dionvsus, Venus de Milo,
Winged Victorv

diorite statues of gvptian sculptures
pharaohs c their
families,
giant statues of Ramses ll,
the Sphinx

2o
he outline used as a guide in
writing an essav should have
the same basic structure as the
essav itself: title, introduction,
bodv paragraphs and
conclusion. An outline for anv essav should,
therefore, have the following form:

l. 1itle
ll. lntroduction
A. pening Statement
B. 1hesis Statement
lll. Main Points and Support
lV. Conclusion
A. Summarv
B. 1ie together thesis and bodv paragraphs

When making an outline, begin with the
thesis statement. lf vou know what vou are
going to trv to accomplish, the rest of the
outline will be easv to construct (provided vou
have done the necessarv reading, studving,
listing and organizing).
ne might take for the thesis statement of
our example the following: "Ancient Oreek
religious art expresses a restrained sense of
power, whereas ancient lgvptian religious art
expresses an oppressive sense of power." (1he
title should then be changed to indicate the
narrowing of focus on power, e.g., "1he
lxpression of Power in the Religious Art of
Ancient lgvpt and Oreece.")
In developing the outline for the essav,
the thesis statement can serve as a focal
point. lirst, what are the main topics to be
brought up' Second, what main points and
support for them will vou produce' Use vour
organized list as a guide. lor example, some of
the main topics to be brought up in our
example essav might be:



- the massive size of sculptures, tombs and
temples in lgvpt
- the moderate size of sculptures, tombs
and temples in Oreece
- the unchanging, rigid, solid qualitv of
lgvptian sculptures
- the changing from idealistic to realistic
sculpture in Oreece
- the humanitv of the Oreek Oods
- the divinitv of lgvptian pharaohs
- the Oreek view of life: life is hard and
then vou die'
- the lgvptian view of life: life is easv and
then vou live forever'
- the theme of conflict among the gods in
Oreece
- the animal motif in lgvptian religious art



The topics, of course, are not taken
directlv from the organized list of ideas.
1hat list, rather, is used to jar the mind so that
some topics might emerge. An example of an
outline based on the above list of grouped
ideas and the list of main topics is given on the
next page. Studv it and compare it to the
aforementioned lists before going on.


29

XAMPL OUTLIN


The xpression of Power in Ancient gvptian and Creek Art


l. lntroduction.
A. pening statement.
B. 1hesis: Ancient Oreek religious art expresses a restrained sense of power, whereas ancient
lgvptian religious art expresses an oppressive sense of power.


ll. Bodv paragraphs.
A. lgvptian temples, tombs and sculptures are massive, whereas Oreek ones are
moderate in size.
l. examples of lgvptian buildings and sculptures
2. " " Oreek " "
B. lgvptian art is unchanging and rigid, whereas Oreek art changes and becomes
naturalistic and realistic
1. lgvptian examples
2. Oreek "
C. lgvptian art depicts a divine pharaoh, whereas Oreek art depicts humanized gods
1. lgvptian examples
2. Oreek "
D. 1here are even significant differences in painting.
1. comment on lgvptian tomb and papvrus painting
2. comment on Oreek vase painting
l. 1he Oreek view of life contrasts with their view of the gods: life is hard, but even the gods
have problems despite being immortal, beautiful and ageless.
l. 1he lgvptian view of life: life is good because we have a divine ruler to guide and provide
for us (so the divine ruler must appear verv powerful).


lll. Conclusion: summarize and tie together the contrasting points about the two societies and
their religious art with respect to the expression of power. 1he Oreeks express power moderatelv
and gracefullv, whereas the lgvptians express power oppressivelv. 1he Oreek view emphasizes
man's dignitv as a free and responsible creature doing the best he can in an unpredictable and
harsh world. 1he lgvptian view emphasizes man's dependence on the pharaoh and his need for
continued obedience if he is to enjov the good life made possible bv his divine ruler.

3O
XRCIS S - LISTINC, CROUPINC & OUTLININC IDAS

1his exercise should be done in preparation for writing an essav.

a. Brainstorm to come up with a list of ideas on the topic. Don't criticize anv idea as it occurs
to vou. 1he idea is to come up with as manv ideas as possible. listing should continue either for a
set period of time (e.g., 15 minutes) or until vou are satisfied with the list.

b. Oroup the ideas.

c. Oenerate an outline of the essav from vour grouping of ideas.

d. Use the outline as a basis for the first draft of vour essav.



31

5. WRITINC TH IIRST DRAIT.

The purpose of listing, grouping and outlining ideas is to methodicallv provide focus and
coherence to writing an essav. Nevertheless, following this or anv other method of writing will
not automaticallv lead to a satisfactorv paper the first time through. After writing the essav, vou
will need to edit it and rewrite it. ln fact, some essavs will require several drafts and revisions.
lf vou have listed, grouped and organized vour ideas before attempting to write the first draft
of an essav, vou might consider writing the conclusion before vou write the bodv paragraphs or
the introduction. lor, vou should alreadv have a thesis statement and have a fairlv good idea of
the topics and support vou're going to present before vou begin writing vour essav. Having a thesis
statement and knowing in general what kind of support vou will be giving, will allow vou to write
a paragraph which ties together vour thesis and support. Having established a thesis and a
conclusion before writing vour essav will give added Iocus to vour writing.
Next, write the bodv paragraphs, making sure that each paragraph sticks to a clear topic and
that each point is supported bv appropriate examples, quotations or reasons. 1rv to make clear
transitions between paragraphs, but do not spend too much time worrving about transitions in
the first draft. You can work on tving the material together when vou edit and revise vour essav.
Conclude writing vour first draft bv writing the introduction to vour essav. lnclude in vour
introduction enough background information--including definitions of kev terms, if necessarv-- so
that vour thesis statement will be clearlv understood. |Sometimes a separate paragraph mav be
needed to define kev terms. lf there are several terms that must be defined, but whose definitions
are not needed to understand the thesis statement, a separate paragraph ought to precede the
bodv paragraphs.] 1rv to give some hint as to the significance of the topic.

6. DIT YOUR WRITINC. Use the checklists from activities 37 and 11 to guide vou in
editing vour essav. Pav particular attention to making transitions and to providing sufficient
support for vour points.

7. RWRIT YOUR SSAY. Use vour edited draft as a basis for rewriting vour essav.
When vour next draft is completed, repeat step 6. lf necessarv repeat step 7.


2.3.1 CONCLUSION: A WRITINC MTHOD


Methodical writing often helps the beginning writer accomplish his or her task without
as much agonv and grief as non-methodical writing. 1here are several methods for writing
satisfactorilv. 1he SlWlR method recommended here will serve manv of vou as it is, some of
vou mav benefit from vour own modified version of the method. Still others mav be confident
enough as writers to begin bv outlining the essav or bv writing the first draft. However, the
benefits from listing, organizing and outlining before writing will be reaped not onlv immediatelv
in the effect of better writing, but long after vour essav is written, as well, in the form of more

32
coherent, focused thinking.

2.3.2 SUMMARY: USINC TH SLOOWR MTHOD

Use the SlWlR method to write vour next essav. 1o refresh vour memorv, SlWlR
stands for:

Select a topic.

List vour ideas.

Organize vour ideas.

Outline vour essav.

Write vour first draft.

dit vour first draft.

Rewrite vour essav.

33

2.4 WRITINC TH IN-CLASS SSAY

2.4.2 Preparing for the xam

Review the "1aking 1ests" section of the StuJent Success GuJe - StuJy Sk||s book, p. 67.
1hen review the material of the previous section of this book on the SLOOWR method of
writing.
Make sure that vou have enough paper for the exam. You will need one or two sheets for
listing and outlining, and several sheets for vour essav. (l recommend vou have at least 1O-12
sheets of blank, lined, white, o/" bv 11" paper for each essav.) Bring a pencil with eraser and a
pen (blue or black ink) to the test.

2.4.2 Writing the ssav

After vou have read the question carefullv, are sure that vou know what is being asked, and
have budgets vour time, do some brainstorming and write up a short list of ideas. 1hen, take
some time to organize and categorize vour ideas in outline form before writing the essav. 1rv to
outline vour ideas according to some logical order, e.g., pros and cons, general to specific,
contrasting views. How much time vou should spend on listing and outlining will varv from
person to person and test to test. Oenerallv, about one-fourth of the time vou have for taking the
essav exam should be spent preparing to write the essav. Make sure vour outline covers the entire
question. Before writing vour essav, write down a clear-cut thesis statement. Do not waste time bv
copving the question.

Write vour conclusion first. Make it brief: no more than four or five sentences. Write it on a
blank, unnumbered sheet of paper and it aside. (Most teachers will require that vou write vour
essavs in ink, Check with vour instructor if vou are in doubt as to whether vou mav write in
pencil.) Your outline should be specific enough for vou to state in summarv form (for vour
conclusion) vour thesis and tie together vour main supporting material. lf vou write vour
conclusion first, vou will have greater focus and coherence in vour essav--providing, that is, that
vou know what vour thesis is and what support vou are going to provide for it. lf vou have studied
properlv, this task will not be as difficult as it might sound.

Next, write vour introduction. Make sure it includes a clear statement of vour thesis and
enough background information to give the reader a good idea of the nature (and, if possible, the
significance) of the topic.

Before writing the bodv paragraphs, remember to use separate paragraphs for each major topic
or point brought up. Provide the necessarv support for each point, viz., examples, illustrations,
quotations or paraphrases, facts, dates, events, explanations or premises. Be as specific, detailed
and precise as possible when giving vour support. And, avoid presenting irrelevant details,
however interesting. Don't forget to use appropriate transitional expressions.

31
As vou are writing, vou mav discover a better logic to follow than the one used in vour
outline. Don't be afraid to deviate from vour outline. Bv all means, follow the better wav of
presenting vour case. You can do this without having to rewrite vour essav (and therebv take up
valuable time) if vou skip one or two lines while writing and write onlv one paragraph on a
page. Bv skipping lines vou leave room to insert phrases or sentences. |lndicate an insertion bv
putting a wedge () immediatelv below the place of insertion. Write the inserted material in the
blank space above the wedge.] Bv writing onlv one paragraph per page, vou give vourself the
option of moving paragraphs around. 1ake care to keep track of the order of presentation bv
numbering each page. lf vou move a paragraph forward, make sure vou change its page number
and the number of all following pages. While writing vour essav, use vour pencil to paginate so
that changes will not be messv. Before turning in vour essav, use vour pen to go over the penciled
page numbers.

Before turning in vour essav, proofread it. Make sure vou allot enough time to do this. Correct
anv mechanical errors vou find and make minor insertions, if necessarv. Make sure vou have
paginated correctlv. Don't forget to paginate the conclusion.

35
2.4.3 SUMMARY: WRITINC TH IN-CLASS SSAY


1. Brainstorm and list ideas.

2. Write the conclusion.

3. Write the introduction.

1. Write the bodv paragraphs.

5. Proofread and correct the essav.


36
CNRAL WRITINC TIPS


1. Be as clear and as brief as possible.

1.1 Avoid unnecessarv words.

1.2 Avoid padding.

1.3 Use onlv words vou are familiar with.

1.1 Keep vour sentences short.

2. Be as specific and accurate as possible.

2.1 Avoid broad, unjustified generalizations.

2.2 lnclude names, dates, specific events or ideas that strengthen vour points.

2.3 Use examples, illustrations and quotations, but use them sparinglv. Remember to be
brief.
1


3. Oive credit to vour sources.

3.1 lf vou take an idea from an author (even if vou don't copv it exactlv) and write it down in
vour paper without anv indication of the source of vour idea, then vou appear to be presenting
the ideas as if it were vour own. 1his kind of idea theft is known as plagiarism.
2


1. ldit and revise vour writing.



1
lxamples and quotations should flow smoothlv with what precedes and follows them. lf thev are too long, thev can
cause the reader to lose track of what he or she is reading. As a rule of thumb, everv quotation should be commented on
and the quotation should be no longer than the commentarv.

2
A common wav to credit a source of an idea is to use a footnote. 1here are several acceptable wavs to footnote. lind
out the method vour teacher requires.

37
1.1 Correct errors.

1.2 Make smooth transitions.

1.3 Add detailed support where necessarv.

1.1 lliminate evervthing that is unnecessarv wither to support vour points or to help
understand either the meaning or the significance of them.

3o



SUGGESTED ANSWERS TO EXERCISES


ANSWERS TO EXERCISES


EXERCISE 1 - WRITING: CHECKING THE BASICS


Below is the corrected version of this essay. Corrections are underlined.


CAPl1Al PUNlSHMlN1

Throughout history the question of capital punishment has been a cause of much
controversy. I believe that capital punishment is not morally justifiable on the grounds
that it is immoral to kill a human being. And, the effect of killing criminals is to
encourage violence.
Those in favor of capital punishment claim that it is a deterrent to crime. They also
logically claim that it helps to alleviate the overcrowded situation in most federal and
state institutions. Another often heard defense is that executing criminals could save
the taxpayers many dollars that could be spent on food, shelter and clothing during a
lifetime sentence.
There has actually been little to substantiate the deterrent theory because few
criminals consider getting caught when planning an illegal action. The theory is, for the
most part, archaic and irrelevant to the question of capital punishment. It is, in fact,
another question in itself.
While it is true that our penal institutions are overcrowded, this is not a reason to kill
people. If this logic is accepted, it would be permissible to kill three-quarters of New
York City. Crowded conditions and criminal punishment should not be confused with
each other. They're separate problems whose existence indicates that there is too
much confusion.
As to the third claim, that much money would be saved, I ask you to value the worth
of a dead man. While it is true that the criminal who has been executed will no longer
commit crimes, a person who is helped to become a useful citizen can become quite
valuable.
It is true that there may be incorrigible people who many people will think should be
killed; but that person has the same right as everyone else. He needs, perhaps, more
help than others, but I do not believe that it's really a sound reason to kill him or have
him killed. The whole of society is affected in a bad way when we start killing in the
name of law and order. The country's attitude better start changing or we'll all be in a
mess.
If it is wrong to kill one man, it's twice as wrong to kill two.

39

XRCIS 2 - CLARITY IN WRITINC


1. 1his paragraph is a compilation of statements made bv drivers who had been in automobile
accidents. Most of the statements are examples of not saving what one means to sav--of saving
something that literallv means something different from what we understand was probablv
intended.

2. As we were walking in the rain, the house lights got dimmer and dimmer. l saw Marv and
asked her how her mother was. Marv hated her mother. Marv was verv cruel. She told me that
Carol and Carol's mother did not see eve to eve on Carol's friendship with ]onathan. Marv's a
sociologist who makes her living bv publishing articles on the degrading effects of povertv and
ignorance. Marv once had severe pains when she lav on her side. 1hat situation lasted for over a
vear. |Note: there are several alternative wavs to clarifv the above statements. 1he first sentence
has the house walking. lt is clear that in the second sentence 'her' refers to Marv in both cases.
'She' is ambiguous in statement three. 'She' and both instances of 'her' are ambiguous in
statement four. And, 'she' and 'her' are ambiguous in statement five. Statement five also savs that
the sociologist is living in povertv and degradation--which is probablv not what was meant. 'She'
is ambiguous in statement six, which asserts that "she" laid on her side for a verv long time and
got a severe pain (who wouldn't'''), but that is probablv not what was meant.]

3. 1his passage is Oeorge rwell's famous 'translation' of the well-known verse from lcclesiastes):
"l returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong,
neither vet bread to the wise, nor vet riches to men of understanding, nor vet favour to men of
skill, but time and chance happeneth to them all. rwell comments on his translation into
"modern lnglish": "1his is a parodv, but not a verv gross one....1he whole tendencv of modern
prose is awav from concreteness....if vou or l were told to write a few lines on the uncertaintv of
human fortunes, we should probablv come much nearer to mv imaginarv sentence than to the
one from Lcc|esastes. See Oeorge rwell, "Politics and the lnglish language" in lnsJe the
Wha|e anJ Other Lssays (New York: Penguin Books, 1957) pp. 119-15O.


1. 1his passage is a compilation of statements made bv representatives of the Nuclear Regulatorv
Commission after the nuclear accident at 1hree Mile lsland. "An event" was a euphemism for
nuclear accident. "Slight energetic disassemblv" is a euphemism for explosion and "rapid
oxidation" means fire. 1he expression "normal aberration" is self-contradictorv, a feeble attempt
to make the horrible seem normal. "lnfiltration" and the reference to plutonium "taking up
residence" were euphemisms for radiation contamination. 1he expression "acceptable flat band of
risk" is exactlv the kind of expression rwell warned us of.

5. 1he expression 'police brutalitv' is too vague. Some criteria for identifving what kind of
behavior bv a police officer is 'brutal' are needed. 1he expressions 'too much violence' and
'excessive brutalitv' are too vague. Words such as 'libertv' and 'brutalitv' are highlv emotive,
though what their cognitive content is mav be difficult to state.

1O

6. 1he situations referred to--where abortion should not be allowed--ought to be described in
clear detail.

7. 1his passage is verv obscure. A clearer version might read: "l will assume in this paper that the
unborn is a person and is due all the rights due to anv person, especiallv the right to life. l am
aware that manv people disagree with this position."

o. 1his passage seems clear enough.



ANSWRS TO XRCIS 3 - CHCKINC TITLS AND INTRODUCTIONS


1. 1he title is good but not great. lt could be more specific, indicating what position the author
takes. 1he introductorv paragraph is poor. 1he connection between the title and the question
asked is not clear. Nor is it clear what the purpose of the paper is. lt is clear the author has
written on the subject of praver in school and that the author believes (with Reagan) that
children are not now, but used to be, free to acknowledge Ood in the schoolroom. But we have
no idea what kind of argument the author is going to make.

2. 1he title indicates that the author is going to address the issue of the moralitv of the death
penaltv. But the first paragraph indicates that the author has no such intention, there the author
states that he/she is going to present conflicting views on the subject of the death penaltv. We
have no idea whv the author is going to do this, i.e., what significance there is in presenting "both
sides". (Does the author intend to present the 'right side' and the 'wrong side'')


3. 1he title is ambiguous. ls the author indicating that he/she is going to defend the claim that
abortion is morallv justifiable' r is the author indicating that he/she is going to write about some
moral issues with respect to abortion' 1he opening paragraph is obscure. 1he author seems to be
saving that abortion is a complicated issue. 1he rest of the paragraph is unclear and unfocused.

1. 1his title and introduction are verv good. 1hev indicate a writer with good focus and a clear
idea of what he/she is about.


5. 1his title and opening paragraph, while cluttered with details, does indicate a clear focus.
1here is no doubt what this paper is about and what it is going to trv to accomplish.

6. 1his title and introduction indicate that the author believes there is a connection between the
use of handguns and the rising tide of violence. lt is obvious that the author is going to argue that

11
there is such a connection and that regulating handgun use will have a significant effect on
violent crime. But the author does not sav this--we must surmise it from the kind of claims he/she
makes. We shouldn't have to make surmises as to what the author is going to do, the author
ought to make it clear to us in the title and introductorv paragraphs. 1his example is certainlv
more focused than number 1-3, but less focused than 1 or 5.

7. 1his title is certainlv specific. 1he data presented in the opening paragraph clearlv indicate
that the author thinks manv lives could be saved bv requiring seat belts to be worn. 1he author
should state this in the opening paragraph and give some indication as to what kind of evidence
there is that he/she is going to present in defense of mandatorv seat belt legislation.

o. 1here is a good indication what this essav is going to be about and what position the author is
going to take. 1he author should have stated what the dilemma is that he/she refers to. More
focus could be indicated bv stating preciselv what dilemma it is we face todav, the relationship of
the right to die to that dilemma, and the general position the author plans to take with respect to
the dilemma and the right to die.

9. 1his is certainlv a verv specific title. 1he opening paragraph has excellent focus. 1he author
demonstrates good background knowledge regarding the issue and presents a good outline of the
kinds of arguments that have been made on the topic addressed.




SUCCSTD ANSWR TO XRCIS 4 - CHCKINC POINTS AND SUPPORT

Argument Iavoring Mandatorv Seat Belt Legislation

1he United States has one of
the lowest vehicular fatalitv rates, B 1oo manv people die
per miles driven, in the world. in automobile
Deaths per 1OO accidents each vear.
million miles have steadilv
declined from 11.2 in 1915 to B
3.1 in 1977. Despite this
seeminglv admirable claim,
15,OOO persons died on U.S. B
freewavs in 19o2 as a result
of vehicular trauma. 1he
problem of road related trauma B
accounts for more than 9O per
cent of all transport
fatalities and is the fourth

12
leading public health problem
in the United States. lor
voung adults, ranging in age B
from 15 to 21, this is the
leading cause of death.
With the number of fatalities
the United States is now l
experiencing, it would be
relativelv easv to acquire the
necessarv number of names to
fill a memorial wall similar
to that of the Vietnam War
Memorial in Washington, D.C.
But there is still a larger M
problem that has to be dealt Automobile accidents
with after the dead are also cost us billions
buried. 1he costs to societv, M of dollars a vear
in terms of medical and in lost wages and productivitv to emplovers
rehabilitation costs, insurance
premiums, and lost productivitv far
exceed the actual economic
burdens imposed bv deaths.
1his problem is due to the
sheer number of non-fatal R premise, support for
injuries, which is currentlv previous claim
estimated at 1 million annuallv. lor instance,
in medical cases where the costs
to the patient or familv l
amounted to at least $1OO,OOO,
5O per cent had suffered brain
and/or spinal cord damage.
Road trauma produces more new R - premise in support of
paraplegics and quadriplegics main point in
each vear in the United States paragraph
than anv other form of
accident. lt is also the R - " "
leading cause of epilepsv.
Additionallv, on-the-job costs
from road trauma directlv and R - " "
indirectlv cost U.S. emplovers
an average of approximatelv
$12O,OOO per victim as a
result of medical insurance,

13
workers compensation,
unemplovment taxes, lost
workdavs and administrative
costs. 1he total annual R - " "
price tag for automobile
deaths and injuries is
approaching 57 billion
dollars'

Yet, we could significantlv M
reduce this cost bv enacting
mandatorv seat belt
legislation. ver 11 countries
have enacted some form of seat
belt legislation, and 21 of B
those foreign laws have been
studied bv the U.S. Department
of 1ransportation. 1he focus
of the evaluation was the
historv of the laws, B
implementation, specification
of each law, compliance of
seat belt usage and the
overall effectiveness of each
law with respect to reducing
injuries and deaths. 1he
studv found that attitudes
about seat belt use and laws B
did not correlate with
observed behavior. Moreover,
enforcement bv police--which
in most cases was limited to a B
small fine and non-selective
enforcement--was significant
in equating compliance and
enactment of legislation.
All countries saw an immediate
2OO-3OO per cent increase in B
compliance upon enactment.
Moreover, the average
reduction in fatalities and
injuries was from 15-3O per R - premise in support of
cent. main point in paragraph

11

f course, it is difficult to
predict if the United States S
would experience similar
success if mandatorv seat belt
legislation were to be enacted
here. But, Canada--a countrv
much like our own in manv
relevant respects--witnessed R - premise in support of
an increase in seat belt usage subsidiarv point
from 17 percent to 76.o
percent when thev enacted
their seat belt law. Also,
after three vears of living R - premise in support of
with the new law, Canadians both the subsidiarv
have seen the automobile death point in this paragraph
and injurv rate drop bv 13 per and the main point of
cent, the number of the previous paragraph
hospitalized victims drop bv
16 per cent, the cost of
treatment drop bv 1O per cent
and the average cost of
rehabilitation drop bv 6.5 per
cent. Some of these effects,
though, can be attributed to R - explanation
the fact that speed limits
were reduced during this same period.

pponents to mandatorv seat R - premise used in
belt legislation argue that argument against
the state has no right to author's position
limit their libertv unless
their behavior is harmful to
others. 1he truth is that it
is not onlv the person who does R - premise in support
not wear a seat belt who is of main point
harmed when an accident
occurs. 1he rest of us are
harmed, too, bv increasing our R - premise in support of
automobile and hospitalization main point (and of
insurance costs and bv previous premise)
increasing our tax burden as
we are forced to support more

15
and more victims and their
families with state monies.
People who used to contribute
to the economv and the R - premise in support of
communitv now become financial main point
burdens to the communitv. 1he
mandatorv seat belt law is no
more an unreasonable R - " "
limitation of libertv than are
traffic laws. Consequentlv,
Congress or the states ought M
to enact mandatorv seat belt
legislation as soon as
possible.






ANSWR TO XRCIS 5


1he following transitional expressions should have been noted: but, for instance,
additionally, yet, moreover, moreover, of course, but, also, consequently.


ANSWRS TO XRCIS 6


1. 1his conclusion ties together several points and gives a good indication of what the essav was
about and what it tried to accomplish.

2. 1his conclusion does not tie together anv points, it does not summarize what the author tried
to accomplish. 1his is not a verv good conclusion.

3. 1his conclusion is practicallv unintelligible.

1. 1his conclusion is detached from the reasons alluded to. lt should have been part of that same
paragraph.

5. 1his paragraph seems like it might be an introductorv, rather than a concluding, paragraph.
Rather than tie material together, it seems to present a fresh argument.

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6. 1here is no clear idea as to how this statement connects with the rest of the essav.

7. lt is never a good idea to conclude bv saving that vou have made a good argument. let the
reader decide the merits of vour essav. Your conclusion should tie together the points of vour
essav or summarize what it tried to accomplish.