THE FIVE CHARACTERISTICS

OF

By Bro. Amfri Umi-Uchechi

LOVE

Based on the work of Dr. Steve Hoogerbrugge, Bellwood Health Center, Bellflower, California

Introduction
This is a modified version of Dr. Hoogerbrugges Chart the Five Characteristics of Healthy Relationships. I discovered his chart circa 1994-1995. In it, I recognized its value as a workable definition for the term love. I had noticed, in my life, that few people had a workable definition of love. As such, love relationships suffered. Those who did have a definition, i.e. agape love, familial love, brotherly love, etc., used the word to define the word. Since this is a fundamental error I was taught not to make in elementary school, these pseudo-definitions had no value to me. I added the definitions above based on Websters Collegiate Dictionary, and realized two things. First, I was able to expand my understanding of love in a practical and spiritual sense. In essence, I had a formula for building/rebuilding healthy, loving relationships. Secondly, I realized that the phrase lack of communication really means we have different definitions of the words we are using. From this point on, I began using a word study prior to all teaching sessions. It is truly amazing how much we think we know about a word, but in reality, many of our definitions are imagined. So, please use a dictionary. Effective communication begins with understanding, and there can be no love where there is no understanding.

FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF HEALTHY & ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

DR. STEVE HOOGERBRUGGE

HEALTHY LOVE
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. AFFECTION: ATTENTION: APPROVAL: ADMIRATION: ACCEPTANCE: tender attachment; fondness a selective narrowing or focusing of awareness; observation to accept as satisfactory; agreement wonder; a feeling of delight; esteem to receive favorably a thing offered; to endure with protest.

UNHEALTHY WAYS OF CONTROLLING (CALL THIS ANYTHING BUT LOVE)

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. CONTEMPT: NEGLECT: CONDEMNATION: CRITICISM: REJECTION: the state of willful disobedience or open disrespect to give little attention or respect; disregard; ignore blame; to declare wrong without reservation to stress the faults of (usually in a negative way) the act of refusing to accept, consider, hear, receive, or admit