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July 2011

HAPPY CANADA DAY! HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!


MOTOCONCHOS ADOPT BOY SCOUT MOTTO!

Page 5 - Digital gift giving guide! - Dating for seniors! Page 11 - Slipping on the dock in the bay! Page 12 - Yet another ode to a fart! Page 13 - Amigos makes Bob Barker proud!

Yennys Market Supermercado Tropical Loase Resort Sams Bar & Grill The Catamaran Bar Pascual Fast Food Happy Hippo/Crazy Crocodile Los Tres Cocos Azz Winery
While the rules of the road and safety equipment have no place in the life of a motoconcho there is one place where they are excelling. Taking a page from the Boy Scout guide - they are always prepared! In case of mechanical failure or fuel shortage, theyve starting carrying a manual backup system! And we all know, here on the North Coast, its always good to have backup systems!

What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

Azz Sandwiches & Winery has karaoke and pizza specials every day! WiFi available for customers.

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Like Australian Lamb, Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - just to name a few. Closing for vacation from June 22 to July 20. Call 809-993-4503 for details. Loase Resort is available for weddings, birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups. Look for classes in meditation and yoga or workout with racquetball, handball or wallyball. Wireless internet, big screen movies and concerts. Sams Bar & Grill still serves a great value breakfast and quite possibly the best Fish N Chips in the world! Check the chalkboard for daily specials! Help Bobby celebrate his birthday on July 20th and enjoy great prices on all drinks! And then its the return of Christmas in July! Make reservations to join them Saturday June 23rd for the complete Christmas experience tree, carols, gifts and a full turkey dinner. The place for good food, good friends and good fun! At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! They are now open until midnight with romantic meals and cocktails. Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Like they say - your trash could be someone elses treasure! Pascuals Fast Food on Costambar Beach specializes in seafood from their live lobster tank. Also available for parties and events! The Happy Hippo has specials on buckets of beer! A bucket of 6 Bohemia is RD$300, Presidente RD$350 or Corona RD$550. Plus stop by their new shop & gallery The Crazy Crocodile and spend RD$600 and get a free local drink over at The Hippo!

Power Hour at Catamaran 6-7pm Buckets of Beer Specials at Happy Hippo all day Karaoke at Azz Wine Bar Bobbys Birthday celebration at Sams Bar all day Los Tres Cocos reopens Christmas in July at Sams Bar - 2 sittings at 2:30pm & 6:30pm

SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

AMIGOS DE 4 PATAS will be holding a big spay/neuter clinic between August 6-8. They are hoping to do between 50-100 dogs and cats and are still looking for donations and volunteers to assist with their efforts. For more info contact Carolina at 829-520-7265 (Spanish & English) or Stephanie at 809-899-7800 (English). SAMS BAR & GRILL is accepting donations on behalf of Manolo (local tour guide and gofer) who was gravely injured when hit by a motoconcho on the Malecon. He is having difficulty paying medical expenses and any & all donations are gratefully accepted. IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

FOR SALE square dinning table with 8 chairs..... Caoba $ 65,000 pesos 6 pieces living room set.... caoba $ 65,000 pesos 4 pieces bed room set king size, matress included.... caoba $70,000 pesos frigidaire kitchen set and washing machine: fridge and stove stainless steal $ 55,000 pesos lcd sony bravia 32"... $18,000 pesos Deal!: 240,000 pesos for the whole package! items used only for 5 month Hyundai h1 2001 diessel excellent condition......$ 300,000 Deal!!! Everything..... $500,000.00 pesos! Call: 809-261-7861/809-709-0360/809-446-0362 FOR SALE Miller Thunderbolt 225 AC/DC welding machine for 20,000 pesos. Hardly used and in perfect condition. Contact Jan on 829-9629690 FOR SALE Really big refrigerator with freezer: 11,000 RD Big aquarium (good for lobster) 5,000 RD Electrical water heater: 1,500 RD Propane Gas refrigerator: 10,000 RD email: dianepellerin@yahoo.com tel:809 320 1441 FOR SALE Custom made wooden picture frames complete with stretchers and hanging wire...approx 32x41 1200 pesos Oster toaster oven, large size. Could easily hold medium size Chicken. 1500 pesos. Call 809-320-1087 FOR SALE Trace Deep Cycle T105 Batteries For Sale , 2000 pesos each, Viewable in Costambar Tel: 809 970 3287 or 809 649 0345: email: bobyk@libello.com FOR SALE Nissan Van 2000, 8 passengers, Diesel, economical Reduced price: 105,000 pesos email: dianepellerin@yahoo.com tel:809 320 1441 FOR SALE BBQ, custom made, heavy duty. Call 829-962-9690 FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (808) 782-2534. Any reasonable offer accepted. FOR SALE 1.0 kilo inversor, 1 1/2 years old. Minimum used. Very reliable. Price 4,800 pesos. Contact Cris @ 829-447-1871 or by email cristian.meade@live.com FOR SALE A limited edition kym 100cc pasola, 4 strokes,disc brakes,sunshine yellow wmatching electric mirrors,double rear suspension,low mileage,almost brand new,2 tone yellow seat,verything in perfect running order.28,500 pesos call 809 222 4628

CLASSIFIEDS

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! FOR SALE 1 whirlpool air conditioner (floor unit) 12,000 BTU. This unit is like new, used for 1 month. Has two remotes, instructions and window kit. $450.00. Also: 1 sharp carousel microwave. Asking $135.00 You may call at 809-261-5336 to get more information. FOR SALE Pool/Jacuzzi Heater. StaRite 400K BTU Maxi-Therm propane heater. Recently rebuilt and overhauled including a new heat exchanger that cost $RD40,000. Cost new was $RD130,000. Asking $RD75,000 OBO. This is a real bargain! Please call 809-970-3268 Costambar FOR SALE Triplite Automatic Inverter/Charger 1000 watts,12 volt reconditioned 5500 pesos: 2.5 kwatt 24 volt inverter 12600 pesos. Viewable in Costambar, tel: 8099703287 or 8096490345. FOR SALE One (1) laser printer brand new. Made: Bother. Model: HL-2040 Black/white. Asking 5000 pesos. One (1) CombBind System also brand new. Made: GBC - Model: C110. Asking 4500. pesos. Email bibswarth@yahoo.com FOR SALE A limited edition kym 2010, 100cc pasola, 4 strokes,disc brakes,sunshine yellow with matching electric mirrors,double rear suspension,low mileage,almost brand new,2 tone yellow seat, everything in perfect running order.28,500 pesos .paradiserepublic2011@yahoo.com FOR SALE Jeep Daihatsu Terios 1999 In good condition, for 200,000 RD Tel: 809 320 1441 or email: info@suncampdr.com FOR SALE beautiful yamaha jog moderna pasola 1997,50cc,2 strokes,jayaco special muffler,zenon lights blue,2 tone lime green seat,new tires ,chromed motor cover,green lime color,perfect condition 20,000 pesos georgioantiglio60@gmail.com WANTED Sewing machine, in good running order. Please call 809-9707123

Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820

PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

www.costambarmonthly.com

Apartments for Rent Long and Short Term Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max!
Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679 Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there would know what he was doing! Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.. Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house .... walked home .... and left it there all night. (You gotta love Frank!)

FOR SALE

Large two bedroom apartment with cable tv, internet, 24 hour power and water. Building has a pool and laundry facilities. Two blocks from beach. $250 US monthly inclusive. Email michaelmclaughlin1000@yahoo.ca
A Blonde gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. 'You ok?' she says. 'Yes.' he says. 'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says. 'It's best I stay here,' he says. 'Why?', says the blonde. The boy says: 'Because, I'm the f**king goalie!!'

Fast & Economical! Great Results! Complete Cleaning Inside & Out!
Carretera Manolo Tavarez Justo Puerto Plata (Across from Texaco)

It all began with an iPhone... March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't? I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch. My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon. It was around then that the fight started... What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service. I should be out of the hospital next week!!

Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication. The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy".

www.costambarmonthly.com
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. Telemarketers Required 'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he New Logic Leads call center in Puerto Plata is looking for asked. English speakers that can dial from 9:00-6:00 pm Monday'No, I don't,' she replied. Friday. 'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada Please give us a call and set up your interview at with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand 809-970-3503! sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let We are located on second floor of Atlantic Manufacturing, them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.' She didn't crack a smile. Handle every stressful situation 'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought. But five minutes later, like a dog. during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. If you can't eat it or play with it, 'What's so funny?' he asked Just pee on it and walk away. 'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.' So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before. They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins 35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins 320. Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm Then he gets the full house and wins 1000. And By Appointment Then the National Game comes up and he wins Call George (Lettuce) that too, getting 380,000. The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, 809-543-8041 'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!' Just past the fish places 'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 ...' 'F*** me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the Do you know that when a woman wears a leather raffle as well !! dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally!? Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new car!

VIVERO!!!
PLANT

Open to the Public

All Types of Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST

NIELSEN WELDING &Road to Costambar FABRICATION Located on the Entrance


Working with Steel, Stainless Steel & Aluminum New Fabrications and Repairs We are also Mobile!
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1am and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
PLEASE NOTE WE ARE ON VACATION FOR ONE MONTH STARTING JUNE 3

CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690 OR EMAIL tallernielsen@yahoo.com


SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

I am seeing 5 gentlemen (give or take) every day!. 1) As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. 2) Then I go to see John. 3) Then Charlie Horse comes along and when he's here, he takes up a lot of my time & attention. 4) When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up & stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint. 5) After such a busy day, I'm really tired & very glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life! Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer; or whatever his name is. I forget! And I'm thinking of calling JACK DANIELS, JIM BEAM, JOSE QUERVO or JOHNNY WALKER to come over and keep me company.

Order Your Health Insurance Now!


RD$770 Includes Dental (with Drugs RD$960)

FOR DETAILED INFORMATION

How fast can you guess these words: 1. F_ _K 2. PU_S_ 3. S_X 4. P_N_S 5. BOO_S 6. _ _NDOM Answers: 1. FORK 2. PULSE 3. SIX 4. PANTS 5. BOOKS 6. RANDOM You got all 6 wrong....didn't you? Don't worry. You don't have Alzheimer's. You are just a pervert.

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. It is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible mis-understanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!

SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

80s HITMAKERS

12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX SPORT BOOMERANG ABC NBC CBS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO

51 56 57 64 66 69 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

CINE CANAL SPEED ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD DISCOVERY KIDS WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

O.M.G., I'M RICH!!!! Silver in the Hair Gold in the Teeth Crystals in the Kidneys Sugar in the Blood Lead in the Butt Iron in the Arteries And An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas. I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.

Stop dusting and you can use your coffee table as a message board!

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
PLEASE NOTE - No new ads or changes will be accepted within 4 days of the end of the month.

Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca

Very Reasonable Rates at Your Home Obedience Training, Problem Solving & Behaviour Training Canadian Trained Have been training dogs for 5 years English speaking with a little Spanish

DOG TRAINING AVAILABLE

Please Call Thomas at 829-934-4619

YENNYS MARKET
Everything You Need At Good Prices!
Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily Calle Principal, Costambar Tel: 809-970-3028
Bruce Van Sant takes you away but always brings you back to Puerto Plata - the place hes called home for 30 years. Sixty-four true stories culled from his sailing log books. Available from ThornlessPath.com & Amazon.com - also available in ebook format. #1 on Costambar Monthlys Bestsellers List (if they had one!)

PAINTER DAVE
Quality Painting In the Puerto Plata Area

829-632-3152

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Songs in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
THE BEST VALUE FOR YOUR ADVERTISING PESO!

Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca

CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LB PROPANE CYLINDER TANK


Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel and don't rust! $320.00 new in US Now only 2450 pesos Call Colin 809-449-1819

STAINLESS STEEL SWAGE FITTINGS AND LIFELINES


AT U$ PRICES! DELIVERED IN A WEEK! FOR MORE INFO CALL COLIN 809-449-1819

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veteriTrying to Sell nary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the Your Boat? vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook Why Not his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, CudGet More dles, has passed away." Exposure By The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" Advertising "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean It In you haven't done any testing on him or anything. Costambar He might just be in a coma or something." Monthly! The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a BEWARE THE LUPERON TOWN DOCK! black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind The bad condition of the Luperon town dock has been a hot topic of late and theres been talk of legs, put his front paws on the examination table something being done to improve its state of and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then disrepair. Unfortunately, any action taken will looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took now be too late for one cruiser. Last month local liveaboard cruiser Gina Campit out of the room. bell, of SV Mello Moon, slipped and fell with seriA few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat ous and costly consequences. While returning to jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the her dinghy with her arms full of groceries, the bird from head to foot. Then the cat sat back on combination of an unusually low tide, recent rain, its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and badly worn boards and no handrail created an strolled out of the room. inevitable situation - Ginas feet came out from The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, under her and she fell breaking two bones in her but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifileft leg. A lengthy and costly surgery requiring ably, a dead duck." two stainless steel rods and eight screws was The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few performed at the nearest hospital to fix her leg. keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the This is not the first accident on the town dock. woman.. Only two days prior another cruiser, Chris Dobson The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" of SV Victoria suffered a nasty gash when his leg went through a gap in the docks boards. she cried, "just to tell me my duck is dead!" Gina and other cruisers have watched the dock The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken rapidly go from bad to worse. my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but Gina wishes to thank all those who came to her with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now aid in this emergency. $150."

L U P E R O N

A fart is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas. A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song...... A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent, and deadly. A fart might not smell, While others are vile, A fart may pass quickly, Or linger a while...... A fart can occur In a number of places, And leave everyone there, With strange looks on their faces . From wide-open prairie, To small elevators, A fart will find all of Us sooner or later. But farts are all bad, Is simply not trueWe must never forget....... "Sweet" old farts like you!

My wife and I went to the agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.' We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW ~~ That's more than twice a week! ..........You could learn a lot from him.' We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.' I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

AVAILABLE FOR Weddings, Birthdays, Self Improvement Or Church Groups. We cater or bring your own food. Ask about special rates for charitable events. A beautiful, tranquil, private and controlled setting.

LOOK FOR CLASSES IN Meditation and Yoga. Come work out with Raquetball, Handball and Wallyball. Wireless Internet Big Screen Movies and Concerts

Call Jose for Info 809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861


www.loase.com jose@loase.com
Loase Villa

LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT CASA LOASE BY THE WEEK www.casaloase.com

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay. Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living. Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister! Please feel free to share this important information with as many women as you feel may benefit! Now Just Imagine What You Could Achieve With a sparkling Chardonnay!

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago ... The little boy (who had been looking out the window turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?' The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?' The busy flight attendant smiled and said, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me?' The boy said, 'Yes, she did.' 'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

GOT A SMALL BUSINESS? NEED MORE EXPOSURE? COSTAMBAR MONTHLY BUSINESS CARD DIRECTORY CAN GET YOU THAT EXPOSURE BREAKING THE BUDGET!

Now that Im older I thought it was great that I seemed to have so much more patience. Turns out that I just dont give a shit!

The only reason I would take up running is so that I could hear heavy breathing again!
PASCUAL FAST FOOD PLAYA COSTAMBAR
Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood Sandwiches & Dominican Food
Open Daily 9am to 7pm
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" "It's Frank. The midget."

For Parties, Events & Reservations Call 829-464-4071

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Walk Like an Egyptian

TO ALL ANIMAL LOVERS!! Amigos de 4 Patas (Friends of the 4 Paws) is concerned group of volunteers who donate their time and money to helping the animals on the North Coast of Dominican Republic. At present our attention is on the area of Costambar, Cofemba and Javilla. We focus mainly on dogs & cats at this present time. Our objective is to help as many animals with medicines, food & water, medical attention, spay/neuter, fostering, adoptions and education of animal welfare. Presently we are coordinating our 1st free spay/neuter clinic which is scheduled for August 6-8th. We have been able to connect with an animal association in Santo Domingo who will bring 4 vets with helpers for 3 days and our objective over these 3 days is to spay/neuter 50 100 dogs & cats. This is a big undertaking, but it will mean so much to the areas of Puerto Plata that were mentioned above. Along with spaying/neutering we will also be giving the animals rabies vaccinations, flea & tic medicine and an ear tattoo to identify the dogs that we have fixed. With the association from Santo Domingo we will also be visiting 3 schools to bring education and awareness to our next generation. We are a young organization, but a committed one! We are always looking for more motivated and passionate animal people to join us on our mission. If you can help, or know someone that may be able to, please dont hesitate to contact us. Donations are also something that we always in need of. With every donation we will provide for a list of what your gift has been able to do for the animals. Every penny, or peso, helps!! Thank you from Amigos de 4 Patas and from all the Dominican animals!! xoxo

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

POWER HOUR 6-7PM!!!! 3X1 CUBA LIBRES!!!!


FLEA MARKET!!!
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!!!

@ Hotel Castilla

BOBBY AINT GOIN NOWHERE!


Jose del Carmen Ariza #34, PuertoPlata 809-261-4543 samsbar76@yahoo.com

GOOD FOOD!! GOOD FRIENDS!! GOOD FUN!!

Wednesday July 20th

JULY FUN!!!
THE PARTY OF THE SUMMER! Christmas in July! Saturday July 23rd

DAILY & WEEKLY SPECIALS! CHECK THE CHALKBOARD!