Writing Skills Series

Avoiding Over-long Sentences

It is always tempting to try to include a lot of information within a single sentence. This is especially true when you need to communicate a lot of information concisely. However, over-long sentences can confuse your reader and therefore lead to misunderstandings. It is therefore important that writers balance the need for conciseness against that of clarity. Here are some basic techniques you can use to cut long, complicated sentences into shorter, clearer ones.

Linking Words for Addition

We can cut long lists into shorter ones by using linking words, such as 'in addition', 'furthermore', 'first of all', 'secondly', etc.

Example: Over-long - The new project will involve a feasibility study which will investigate the past, present and current trends in the market and assess whether the project should go ahead, an initial costing of the project that is submitted to senior management for approval and used as a guideline for project partners, and a detailed budget proposal, which will be used for tender applications. Improved The new project will first of all involve a feasibility study which will investigate the past, present and current trends in the market. The study will also assess whether the project should go ahead. Furthermore, an initial costing of the project is submitted to senior management for approval and used as a guideline for project partners. Finally, a final budget proposal is prepared which will be used for tender applications.

Personal Pronouns
Personal pronouns such as 'it', 'this', 'that', 'these', and 'those' can help you to avoid repeating words. They can also help you cut over-long sentences into shorter, clearer ones.

Example: Over-long - The new project will first of all involve a feasibility study which will investigate the past, present and current trends in the market. The study will also assess whether the project should go ahead. Furthermore, an initial costing of the project is submitted to senior management for approval and used as a guideline for project partners. Finally, a final budget proposal is prepared which will be used for tender applications.
GnosisLearning, 2009

Writing Skills Series

Improved -

The new project will first of all involve a feasibility study. This will investigate the past, present and current trends in the market. It will also assess whether the project should go ahead. Furthermore, an initial costing of the project is submitted to senior management for approval. This is also used as a guideline for project partners. Finally, a final budget proposal is prepared. This is used for tender applications.

Bullet points
We can use bullet points when we need to list a lot of detailed information in a sentence.

Example: Over-long The new project will first of all involve a feasibility study. This will investigate the past, present and current trends in the market. It will also assess whether the project should go ahead. Furthermore, an initial costing of the project is submitted to senior management for approval. This is also used as a guideline for project partners. Finally, a final budget proposal is prepared. This is used for tender applications. The new project will involve:

Improved -

A feasibility study. This will investigate the past, present and current trends in the market. It will also assess whether the project should go ahead. An initial costing of the project. This is submitted to senior management for approval. This is also used as a guideline for project partners. A final budget proposal. This is used for tender applications.

NOTE: Please avoid using bullet-points for simple lists or for short sentences. Only use them for breaking up very long sentences and in formal documents. In addition, always consider whether it might be more appropriate to telephone or have a face-to-face conversation rather than to send an e-mail.

GnosisLearning, 2009